The child has nightmares every night. Try to reconnect with your baby. What it is
Hello dear parents! When a child has terrible dreams, what to do and how to be, how to find out the reason, how to learn not to worry yourself and help your baby? Today I want to talk about the nature of bad dreams, why children dream of horrors and where they come from, and also what to do about it.
What it is
Every person has dreams. Someone perfectly remembers them in the morning and can retell them in great detail. Someone wakes up with a vague sensation, while others do not remember anything at all. Doctors say that children can dream as early as one year old.
I must say right away, do not worry too much if your child begins to have nightmares. There is nothing wrong. Believe me, the subconscious mind will never do anything wrong. Horror stories can be preparation for adult real life. A child at 3 years old is going through a crisis, it is at this time, most often, that nightmares begin to dream.
Then the child goes to kindergarten and at the age of 4 he is experiencing the establishment of contact with peers, with new adults, his daily routine changes, new obligations appear.
In addition, dreams can be a reflection of the past day. For example, in the afternoon, my grandmother scolded him for breaking her beloved vase. And at night he dreams of the terrible Babya Yaga, who chases him through the dark forest.
Nightmares teach a child to cope with difficulties. They prepare him for the harsh reality, teach him not to be afraid, to go forward, to find a way out of a difficult situation. Remember, nightmares always have a reason. Let's take a look at them.
Causes
The first, as I said above, is the emotional experience of the day. Therefore, it is very important to keep track of what happens during the day with the child. He had a fight with mom, witnessed a scandal between mom and dad, scolded in the kindergarten, fought with a boy in the yard. All these experiences may well serve as the cause of nightly horror films.
Another reason may be the child's illness. An approaching cold, for example. Why? The body is fighting, the brain is stressed, the immune system is working at full capacity. From such serious physical exertion, horror stories appear.
Why do all doctors say that it is necessary to protect a child from TV, computer games and gadgets? Because they can also cause terrible dreams. A 5-year-old child who spends all his free time in front of a TV screen or computer sleeps much worse than the one who walks more, plays board games and communicates with other people.
Another cause for nightmares is death. For example, at the age of 6, a child ran into a dead animal for the first time in the park. Or one of the relatives died. In the article "" you will find useful and practical advice on this topic.
Remember that any kind of emotional or physical stress can cause bad dreams. Moving to another city, changing kindergarten or school, scandals and tantrums at home, a quarrel with your best friend, and so on.
If you keep a close eye on what is happening in your child's life, then you are more likely to determine what is causing the nightmares.
How to fight
The main thing is not to show your child that you are scared, nervous or worried. He must see that you are calm. Remember, kids very easily grasp the emotional state of their parents. Therefore, if he sees your excitement, he will understand that because of your nightmares you need to worry. Be as collected and calm as possible.
Turn a nightmare into a fairy tale. Describe it by roles, draw all the characters, you can even play it in actions. Let him see that there is nothing wrong with this, that there will always be a solution and good will triumph over evil.
If your child has nightmares every night, the best advice is to keep a diary. In it you will record all the events that happen to the baby. Only then can you find the reason for the appearance of horror stories at night.
Be sure to come up with sleepy rituals. For example, a warm bath before bed, or reading a fairy tale together (preferably kind and minimally emotional), limit watching TV before bed, no active games. Day walks are very helpful, fresh air is extremely useful for a good sleep. Exercise with the kids in the morning.
You can draw a nightmare with your toddler and then tear him up. So the child will see that there is nothing more to fear, everything has passed and you can forget about it. If the child talks about his nightmare himself, be sure to keep the conversation going.
If before going to bed he is afraid because of a monster in the closet, then arm yourself with a broom, for example, and drive all the monsters out of the room with the baby. Show him that no one is anywhere and that he can be safe. After all, the main thing for children is a sense of security.
Did you have nightmares as a child? Do you know the reason why they appeared? How did you fight them? How often does your toddler have bad dreams?
Be calm and take care of your kids!
Does your child often have nightmares, does he sleep badly, constantly wakes up at night with fear, calls you to him? Where do children get bad dreams? What can you do to help overcome your fears?
The kid gets many impressions during the day, both positive and negative. The fragile child's psyche transforms the worries and worries experienced during the day into dreams. When there are too many negative emotions or experiences, they develop into.
Childhood fears
According to psychologists, the parents are most often to blame for the fact that children's fears develop into nightmares or phobias. And by the way, one of the most terrible childhood fears is the fear of separation from mom. Observe if you are telling your child “You are naughty, I’m leaving you!”? This is a taboo phrase! If a child under one year old is unconsciously afraid of being left without a mother (it is at this age that babies refuse to go to the arms of unfamiliar aunts, they immediately begin to cry), then after 2 years this is already a conscious fear. If you do not help the child to get rid of him, then he will not only see nightmares and move to your bed at night, but can also grow into a person with a fear of loneliness, fear of being left without a partner.
It is important for you not to ignore the problem and not follow the lead of the alarmist, but to help the child cope with fears, instill in the baby the confidence that the mother loves and protects even at a distance, a meeting follows the separation, and a new day follows a dark night!
Often, emotionally sensitive children grow up with suspicious parents. Moms and dads overprotect them (including using and intimidation), and babies ... are even more afraid. Psychologists are unanimous: there is no need to "train" children by leaving them in a dark room. Better to come up with a game in which darkness is an ally. For example, finding a treasure with a flashlight.
In general, the most important thing is to fight not with the darkness, but with what actually worries the baby. Psychologists have noticed that children who sleep with their parents have no fear of the dark. Chances are, your little one just wants to be with you all the time. Perhaps you went to work too early and in the first two or three years of his life he stayed with the nanny for a long time? .. So that the child is not afraid of losing you, “saturate” him with love when you are together. Play hide and seek (this is a good prevention of fear of loss). Never leave home without warning a child, even a small one.
Nightmares often refer to problems in your relationship with your parents. A child who is eaten by someone at night is criticized all the time during the day, they want to "remake".
Someone is chasing a toddler who is under stress due to harsh shouts and pressure. Analyze your style of communication with your child, add active games during the day, calm conversations - in the evening. The complete absence of fears in a preschooler is also abnormal. But if your son has more than 9 phobias at the age of 3, and your daughter has more than 7, then you need to go to a psychologist.
Where is the bad dream
- bright events of the day, both positive and negative, overexciting the nervous system;
- strong fright: it can be like a dog in the yard, or an unpredictable or too harsh reaction of mom or dad to an offense, threats to send to an orphanage or hospital, any everyday situation may not be a trifle for a crumb;
- unfavorable conditions at home: frequent quarrels, loud screams, intimidation, punishment, assault, as well as lack of contact with parents, replacement of live communication and outdoor activities with gadgets, conflicts in the garden or school;
- feeling unwell: overeating at night, an abundance of sweets, stuffiness in the bedroom;
- cartoons and fairy tales, the plot of which is scary (with scary characters).
What to do?
Algorithm for mums and dads
- If the baby came to you at night, return with him to his room, ask what exactly he was scared of, why he is crying.
- Explain to your child that
he was frightened by a terrible dream and, opening his eyes, he chased him away! Now you need to turn on the other side and again try to fall asleep. - Be gentle and calm. Kiss the baby, wish him good night and warn him that you are going to return to your room to go to bed. Leave the night light and the open door in the nursery.
- If the baby calls you again, be sure to come to him as soon as possible and comfort him again. In no case leave your child unanswered to his call for help! In the morning, you can come up with a happy ending to a nightmare night story and laugh at it.
Even the smallest children can have a bad dream. What is the reason for night fears and how to react to them, we asked the child and family psychologist Evgeniya Poltenko.
The reasons may be as follows:
If the mother is anxious and worried, then she can project her fears to the child. When he sleeps, these fears manifest;
Too harsh quarrels and clarifications between parents. It is possible to swear in front of children, but it is important at the same time to show that after a quarrel, reconciliation follows and the family is not destroyed;
Tense relationship between parents. Even if the parents do not outwardly sort things out, but silently throw lightning at each other and accumulate grievances, the child will surely feel the tense situation in the family. At the same time, they do not tell him what is happening, and he is very worried and worried, which can result in nighttime fear;
Lack of emotional contact with parents. If the parents are cold with the child and among themselves, are not used to showing their feelings, do not know how to give love, this can also result in night fear. Indeed, without emotional contact with parents, the child does not feel safe;
Control and overprotection on the part of the parents. If the child is not allowed to do anything, they are constantly kept within certain limits, the child in this case is constantly in tension, fearing not to please the parents, and this can turn into terrible dreams;
Inconsistency or inconsistency in upbringing. For example, if mom once allowed something, the other time she didn’t. Or mom is strict, and dad is kind. A child in such a family does not know how to behave and to which of the parents to adjust, this again gives rise to tension and anxiety in the child;
Increased demands are made on the child, he owes too much and is inappropriate for his age.
Getty Images / Fotobank
What should parents do?
If a child had a bad dream - it doesn't matter, once or with a repetition -
be sure to talk to him about it. Ask what exactly he dreamed, why, as he thinks, he dreamed exactly this. Perhaps if the baby sees that you paid attention to his fears and supported him, the dream will not happen again.
It may take longer for your child to forget their bad dreams and to stop being afraid to fall asleep. In this case, it will be better if you begin to observe certain rituals before falling asleep. Sit next to the baby, leave the night light on, tell a fairy tale in which the frightening moments of sleep become fearless.
If the nightmares are repeated systematically, it is necessary to look for the cause and be sure to solve it - on your own or with a psychologist. It is important to create an even atmosphere for the child in the family, without conflicts.
With night fears, active games, walks in the fresh air, swimming pool help. Psychologists have a technique for relieving anxiety - drawing their fear. In this case, you need to make your fear funny in the picture. If the anxiety does not go away the first time, you need to draw until the terrible really becomes funny.
Often parents, in response to the child's complaints that he had a bad dream, limit themselves to phrases like: “Never mind!”, Or even scold and send him to sleep. Then the child realizes that close people will not help in this situation, and stops telling them, and this alienates the parent from the child. At the same time, the nightmare can gain a foothold and remain for many years. A provocative situation will remind you of fear and will cause anxiety even in adulthood.
Tatiana Koryakina
Thank you for your help in preparing the material for the child and family psychologist Evgeniya Poltenko (vashpsyholog.com).
How to help a child who has nightmares and horror stories? Why does a child have bad dreams?
What are nightmares, most children learn after the age of three. The most common cause of nightmares is a febrile body reaction. If the child is healthy, the causes of nightmares can be in intense (for this age) intellectual activity, in a great psycho-emotional load; the brain is overworked, and the subconscious mind gives out a reaction in the form of a nightmare.
Another possible cause of nightmares is family dysfunction; if parents, busy with the intricacies of their own relationships and not paying attention to the presence of the child, arrange noisy proceedings (to put it simply, scandals), if these proceedings take place often, the child may well begin to suffer from nightmares.
Also, it is impossible to exclude the possibility of nightmares in a baby who is being raised by mom or dad in excessive severity - they organize total control over him, "tighten the screws" in every possible way, do not disdain education with a belt, etc. Nightmares can visit a child who is not allowed to watch television programs. according to the age; it is no secret that some skillfully made "horror films", in which the effect of surprise is often used, in which one monster is more terrible than the other, frighten adults too.
A child tormented by nightmares sleeps restlessly, tossing about in bed; he wakes up in the middle of the night wet with sweat, he screams and cries in fear, he seeks support, protection and calls for mom or dad. Of course, at this time, one of the parents should be near the baby, should calm him down. As a rule, the child quickly calms down if, upon waking up, he finds his mother near him, if he feels her affectionate touch, hears her affectionate voice. Two or three sips of warm sweet tea can help the business (warm and sweet has a well-known calming effect). If the baby has nightmares often, the mother can keep ready a warm infusion of valerian root or a warm infusion of motherwort herb five-lobed; these agents have a well-pronounced sedative effect and improve the quality of sleep. After giving the child a few sips of a sedative to drink, the mother should ask him to tell the baby about the fears he dreamed of. According to psychologists, children, after speaking out their fears, usually cease to be afraid. Mom will help the child a lot if she laughs at his fears without making fun of the baby himself; or better - if they laugh at the dreamed fears together. Until the calmed child falls asleep again, the mother should sit next to him; she can hold his hand, she can tell him a fairy tale (without negative characters), she can sing a lullaby.
How to help a child who has nightmares, bad dreams
A child who, for one reason or another, often has nightmares, needs special treatment from mom and dad, from other adult family members. First of all, all factors that could cause nightmares should be excluded: peace and tranquility should reign in the family; treating a baby is only affectionate and helpful; Mom and Dad should be very critical of the parenting methods they used - perhaps among these methods there are some that should be abandoned; it is important to pay attention to television programs that the baby is watching; if there are other children in the family, it is recommended to pay attention to the relationship of these children with the baby (do they frighten the baby out of mischief?).
For a child suffering from nightmares, in addition, a healthy lifestyle should be organized: with strict adherence to the correct daily routine, regularly take long walks in the fresh air, not overload the child in terms of intellectual activity (engage with the child on a schedule and strictly dosed), do not allow too active games before bedtime, organize proper nutrition for the baby; in connection with the latter, we must say that a child who has eaten his fill before bedtime, who has eaten heavy meat, fatty foods, is at great risk of having nightmares (from the point of view of physiological science, this is explained simply: the digestive system is forced to work all night, signals from the organs the digestive system into the central nervous system, disturb the brain, and the disturbed subconscious mind responds with frightening visions); to reduce the likelihood of nightmares, the baby should not be fed before bedtime and the baby's dinner should be light.
In the fight against nightmares, a certain education of the subconscious will help mom and baby, which in this case we can call suggestion. Mom constantly and with confidence must tell the child that he is already big and strong, that he is fearless and can perform many feats; mother should compare the baby with his favorite fairy-tale characters and say that he is very similar to these characters. When a child truly believes in it, there will be no trace of nightmares ...
Content:
Nightmares are related to sleep disorders of non-physiological origin. This is the output of experiences associated with non-meaningful events or situations. Usually, bad dreams last a few minutes, sometimes seconds. Regardless of the duration, their effect extends far beyond the dream, affecting daytime life. A person of any age can become a victim of nightmares. But more often than not, restless images interfere with children's sleep.
A child who often has nightmares becomes more nervous by the evening, is afraid to be alone and sleep with the lights off. Waking up from a nightmare, he cannot sleep. Feelings of constant anxiety and lack of sleep can all lead to serious mental and physical health problems.
Why do children have bad dreams?
Nightmares can be caused by physiological factors such as mental illness, brain or nervous system disorders. Worms and fever are common causes of troubled sleep.But it so happens that the child is physically healthy, and terrible dreams still do not recede. In this case, it is worth paying attention to family relationships. Indeed, often the parents themselves create conditions favorable for the appearance of terrible dreams.
Situations that provoke the appearance of nightmares:
How can you help your child get rid of nightmares?
- Children have a hard time having terrible dreams. They cannot get the frightening images out of their heads on their own. Therefore, in no case should the child be left alone with his worries. You need to ask him to tell what he dreamed, and why this dream scared him so much, try to find the cause of the bad dream (a movie watched the day before, a domestic quarrel, disagreements with peers).
- Often nocturnal images linger in childhood memories for a long time. In such cases, the child faces the fear of going to bed every night. The task of the parents in this case is to make the process of falling asleep as comfortable and calm as possible. Shortly before bedtime, it is advisable to turn off the TV and computer, dim the lights and start talking quieter and calmer.
- You can sit next to your child while he falls asleep, tell a fairy tale in which scary situations and characters in the end turn out to be not so frightening. The technique of making your fears funny, which means not scary, is often used by psychologists. You can use a method from their arsenal - drawing fear. To do this, you need to invite the child to draw what scares him, and then add features that will make the image funny and harmless.