Recommendations for the parents of a child with autism. The parent of a special child is a double stalker: from the child to the outside world, and for society it is a guide to the world of autism. Tell me you can assume that a person with autism is trying to learn more about themselves.

30.06.2019

My goal is to help you by sharing my own experience. Do not forget, however, that I am not a medical professional; I may be wrong about something and not know something. But the years spent caring for an autistic child are worth a lot, and while your child and situation may be different from mine, some moments may be similar and therefore rewarding.

Do not forget that doctors and psychologists will provide real help to your child, so be sure to contact them (and even better - to many doctors and many psychologists). And be sure to consider your own experiences when making decisions about your child's health.

How to deal with shock when you first hear a diagnosis

Perhaps you suspected this for a long time, or, on the contrary, the diagnosis fell on you like snow on your head. In any case, now you are experiencing a real shock - as if someone close to you died. You are ready to mourn your unfulfilled expectations from life, and you have to adapt to a not very happy reality.

I would like to tell you that everything you are going through right now is a nightmare and you will wake up soon. For many days and months, I myself dreamed of such a thing. But over time, it will become easier for you, and you will perceive your situation easier. Your mental pain, if it does not go away completely, will not be so acute. Loving your child will help you get through difficult days and busy years and become stronger and better.

In no case should you despair! Yes, it will be mentally difficult for you, but you have a lot of work ahead of you, and you must be ready for it. If you are sad, if you are angry, if you are afraid, keep working despite these feelings. Look for something that will help you, your anchors and support. Take time to take care of yourself or yourself. Don't forget your sense of humor - even black humor relieves stress. And in any case, do not forget to show love for the child.

Forgive yourself in advance that you are not perfect and that you cannot do all that is necessary for the child. The truth is that you can do anything and more, but not achieve what you were aiming for. Unfortunately, not everything is known about autism, and medicine does not always act with a full understanding of what is happening in the child's head.

Why did this share fall to me and my child?

Not all questions are answered. I personally don't think there are any clear reasons for this. It might just be a game of chance. Many millions of people had much worse than you - only the twentieth century saw two world wars and many local ones, think about the destinies mutilated by them, and you will immediately understand that you are not as unhappy as you might seem.

A very unpleasant thing happened to you, in which there are no guilty ones, and which does not have any special cosmic meaning or significance. This is not the end of the world, this is just one of the circumstances of your life.

The question you need to look for an answer is how you and the child can adjust to the situation, how you can help the child, and perhaps how you can help other people in similar circumstances.

Is there no cure for autism?

There is no definite answer to this. There are many methods that advertise themselves as cures for autism. For some they help, for others they do not. Many people believe that as soon as you switch to a gluten-free and casein-free diet, the issue of autism will be resolved by itself - but diets are not as omnipotent as parents and doctors would like them to be.

Apparently, autism is of a different nature. Therefore, just one remedy or one method will not help all children. Instead of trying your hardest to find magic pills, focus your efforts on therapy and finding ways to help your child fulfill the potential he already has. All children have a hard time in many areas, your child just has more difficulties than others.

Children are often spoken of as fully recovered from autism. I do not quite believe in the possibility of this, and I think that in one way or another, autistic traits will remain with a person forever. We must not forget that doctors can make mistakes and diagnose other diseases as autism - therefore, you need to contact different specialists. Remember: if a drug or a technique is offered to you as a unique or the only remedy for autism, most likely, they want to get money from you (often a lot).

I don’t know how to help a child or what to do first. Each doctor says something different. I am scared and overwhelmed.

Here are the things I would advise you to get started with:

Have your child be diagnosed with autism. Visit specialized neurologists and psychologists. Your child will have to take a series of tests.
Consult a good speech therapist. Find out who are praised by parents of special children in the city where you live. Start working on your speech early. It is also worth visiting a speech pathologist to get an assessment of your child's fine and gross motor skills.
Read specialized forums and websites dedicated to autism. Correlate the information received there with the condition of your child, take your time to make decisions, but try to find out more about your alternatives.
Take precautions to keep your child safe from accidents in advance. Many children with autism are not afraid of dangers (such as the traffic on the street). Autistic children can eat inedible things, drown or burn themselves easily. Even if your child does not give you a reason to worry now, do not relax - in the next couple of weeks, he may change a lot, and you cannot know in advance which way. Make sure your child does not end up on the street without your supervision. If not all hazards in your home are under control, or your child spends a lot of time in other areas, make sure that all necessary latches are installed and all detergents and poisons are removed from the reach so that your child cannot accidentally burn himself or turn over on himself. closet. Be especially vigilant if you live near a pond or other body of water - drowning is the number one cause of death in children with autism.

What to expect and what can come from the unexpected

If your child has just been diagnosed, it is likely that he is about two years old (plus or minus a couple of months). You would like to know what awaits you and, most likely, you are getting too few answers to your questions. How would you like to know the future for sure!

Read also How to recognize an improvement in a child with autism

Autism manifests itself differently in different children, and it is very difficult to predict exactly what will happen to the child over time. Most children with autism have developmental delays. About 40% have brain disorders (this percentage is higher in girls). In addition, some children with autism will also have to cope with other difficulties like epilepsy.

Thus, there can be no certainty in your situation. But there are some things you should think about beforehand.

By the age of 4, the child will be harder for you than when he is two, but then things will go easier. At two years old, his behavior will not attract too much attention on the street or in the store - he is not yet very different from other children in the eyes of casual passers-by. By the age of four, your child's peers will significantly overtake him in development (primarily in language and role-playing games), so your child will stand out more. In addition, in other areas, your child may lag far behind - for example, mine was potty trained only at the age of five. He is already a teenager, but he still needs my help in some day-to-day matters. The hardest thing for me was between the third and eighth years of his life, but every year it became easier, and after twelve there was a significant improvement.

Most likely, you will have problems with the school. It is difficult to find a school that meets all the needs of a child with autism. The degree of these difficulties depends on the child himself, from case to case it varies. My son went to a special class for special children, then spent two years at home with me, and went back to school when he could better accept its conditions.

Puberty brings its own challenges as the child matures and enters into a period of intense brain and body development.

I would like to tell you that while early diagnosis and intervention is paying off, it will still be challenging for you even after your child is five or older. Earlier intervention will not completely solve your problem; unfortunately, it will be with you for a long time.

But there is also a positive side.... Your child will constantly surprise you with their success. He will do things that you previously thought he would never master. Only recently did I go with my son on vacation to another city - we went with him to restaurants and movies, went to the theater, and I would never have believed that this would be possible when he was four. Your child with autism may develop more slowly than other children and go through some stages of development later than them, but he will definitely go through them. You will be overjoyed when this happens because you have put in so much effort to make it happen.

Get together and find the strength to look good!

I know that all your thoughts are about the child, which is good, but try not to forget about your appearance as well. People tend to behave better with people who make a good impression, and you and your child need all the help they can get, no matter where it comes from.

Therefore, when you go to the therapist, to a meeting at school or to a session with a speech pathologist, do not forget to wear makeup and earrings. There are a lot of depressed mothers in baggy sweaters in the waiting rooms in these places. You tend to get more time and attention (not to mention respect) if you look good.

I'm not encouraging you to waste a fortune on manicure or makeup, or weave elaborate braids. Just be neat at all times - that will be enough. People around you will always be happy to provide a service to a sweet and smiling woman - and you may need her at any time.

First of all, I addressed this advice to women, because, as practice shows, the main burden of therapy for children with autism falls on their shoulders. Ninety percent of accompanying autistic children in schools, psychologists and therapists are women. Ladies, always be beautiful. I know that cats scratch in your soul. But autism is not a death sentence. Try to get at least a little pleasure from life - sometimes even a compliment received in passing will turn your day into a holiday.

Dress your child well and take care of their appearance.

You've probably noticed that many children with autism are very beautiful. And while the Aututs fight back when you try to comb their curls, or drool or chew on a T-shirt, they still look irresistible.

You should spend time and effort to make your child look good - he will be helped much more willingly. You may not take my word for it, just follow my advice and see for yourself of its effectiveness. Wherever you go with your child, he should look so that he wants to be cuddled. Many psychologists and defectologists are young women, and nothing evokes in them the feeling of unreasoning love as much as a beautiful child in good clothes and shoes. (Remember to wear comfortable clothes and shoes!)

Try to keep your child's hair nice and not the creepy matted heaps of some special kids. No matter what anyone says, the acceptance of a child by society matters.

If experts believe that you are paying attention to your child, then they will be more willing to devote their time and work to him. Attractiveness often plays a bigger role than you might think. The antics of beautiful children are treated with more leniency than the tantrums of neglected children. I have, to my regret, too good experience in this matter to mislead you.

If you go with your child somewhere, especially to a restaurant, then carry a bag with changeable clothes - both for yourself and for the child (it is good if you have a car where you can carry a stock of things, but not all mothers of special children can boast of it). Special children can often snatch up unpleasant food and stain themselves and you, so you may need to change quickly.

Ten Ways to Help a Family Raising a Child with Autism

When a child is diagnosed with autism, parents are usually preoccupied with finding the necessary rehabilitation services, doctors, schools and various child care professionals. And often what happens is what we least expect at this moment - relations with friends, relatives and neighbors change. Someone will provide support, help to the best of their ability and hug our child, regardless of the diagnosis. But there will also be someone who will quietly stand aside, or even stop communicating altogether.

What happens when you find out that your friend's, relative's, or neighbor's child has been diagnosed with autism? How can you help the child and his parents? There are many ways to help your loved ones, from words of encouragement to organizing games with other children. Here are ten ways to help a family raising a child with autism:

1. Just be around

It sounds simple enough, but the parents of a child with autism need to have a person nearby who can be asked the question “how are you?”, And who sometimes wonders about the same. You are not an expert and you may not know all the terms associated with autism, but be prepared for the fact that parents will want to talk about their child.

It often happens that being diagnosed with autism pushes us and our children into isolation. Not that we ourselves want to isolate ourselves, it's just that we are often so busy with the treatment and rehabilitation of the child that we simply do not have time for anything else. Suggesting to stop by for coffee or to meet and just talk is one of the best ways to help your friend get out of the autism dome and overcome isolation.

2. Talk about autism. How?

To speak or not to speak? That's the question. The answer to it is: "Depending on the situation." Most parents with children on the autism spectrum are very fond of talking about autism. However, some parents do not want to disclose the diagnosis, talk about autism and how it manifests itself in their child. Some parents may be at the stage of denying the diagnosis and do not even want to hear this word, and even more so to discuss this topic.

So what can you do as a friend? If someone you know brings up the topic of autism himself, ask how the child is doing. Even if your friend does not pronounce this word in "A", he will appreciate your genuine interest, while autism will not be mentioned. Unless your friend is hiding the diagnosis, you should undoubtedly take an interest in both your child and the topic of autism. After all, we, parents of children with autism, never take our child's development for granted, and we are proud of any, even the smallest, achievement. Friendship moments become especially valuable to us when we realize that friends are worried about our child.

3. What does a child with autism look like?

This question seems strange. But I remember the moments when someone, seeing my son, said something like: "And you can't say that he has autism" or "You can't see from him that he has autism." Interestingly, autism does not imply any outward signs. Yes, some children may have specific behaviors or communication characteristics, but all children are very different. Therefore, if someone tells me that they have experience working with autistic children, I understand that this does not guarantee the ability of this person to understand my child and find an approach to him.

If you know, observe, or educate another child with autism, it is best not to make comparisons to the child you just met. I would also recommend refraining from commenting on what you think a child with autism should look like. While it's good that you are looking for the signs of autism, the best approach is to find a clue to each child's personality.

It is difficult to explain how this happens and why autism manifests itself differently in every child. But when your autistic child has 10 friends with Asperger Syndrome, it becomes obvious to you that each one is unique in their talents and interests.

4. Forecast

If you asked me, when Tyler was diagnosed at 2 years old, what would happen to him at 12 years old, I would not be able to answer you anything ... and the doctors would not be able to. Many times I was asked: “What is the forecast? Maybe he'll outgrow autism? Will he go to college? In fact, in most cases we do not know what the forecast is, and this is a very delicate topic for us. After all, we do not know what will happen next. The future is uncertainty and it can be daunting.

Unlike parents of neurotypical children who make plans for college or vocational education, we often don't know what educational, social, and behavioral level our children will be at when they grow up. Can we plan for the future? Yes, but we also take into account unknown variables. In the future, our child may go to college, continue his education, or maybe not. We are often not even sure if our child will be independent enough to live independently. We hope for independence, but the reality in the future may be a home for living together. Or our child will live with us until the end of our days.

Many of us worry about what will happen to our child if something happens to us. And this is also a difficult topic. Therefore, if your friend himself spoke about the forecast for the future, discuss it with him. But keep in mind that some parents are not ready to discuss this issue.

5. Information

Recently, stories related to autism have been on the news with increasing frequency. As a parent of a child with autism, I am very grateful to friends and family when they find some information about autism and send it to me. If your friend is willing to openly discuss autism, send him information that comes across to him, and he will appreciate this manifestation of your concern. If our child is diagnosed with autism, this does not mean that we know all the latest news from this area.

My only caveat on this point: keep in mind that parents may have different views on treatment or the causes of autism. As a result, parents sometimes overreact to articles, studies, etc. So I advise you to be careful. If your friend is positive about the new information, don't hesitate to share it, but don't be too persistent.

6. Games with friends

I remember when my son was diagnosed with autism, my friends had children the same age as Tyler. It was important for my son to be in the company of neurotypical children. However, some friends acted as if autism was contagious and did not want their children to play with my son. I remember how the husband of a good friend of mine expressed his displeasure with my son and his autism. After that, I never invited them with the children, as I felt that my friend's husband did not want my son to play with them. I was faced with a brutal reality - while some people accept our children, others clearly do not.

What can you do? If you have a friend raising a child with autism, invite her and the children over to play together. Will this be a regular meeting where the kids play together? Maybe yes, maybe no. It depends on the children themselves. Even if the usual play together does not take place, such an encounter will provide an opportunity for a child with autism to adopt social behaviors and skills from other children. For some neurotypical children, such a meeting can be a lesson in acceptance and tolerance towards people who are different than others. The easiest way to learn acceptance is through practice. So there is a benefit for the neurotypical child as well. This can be a good experience for both families.

7. Games with the neighbour's children

When it comes to autism, being a good neighbor means more than keeping your yard clean or borrowing a cup of sugar. If you and your neighbors have children of the same age, invite them over so the children can play together. It is better to invite the child with the parent to find out how autism is expressed in this particular child, and how you can help to establish joint children's play.

It is important to note that many children with autism do not know how to make friends and maintain friendships, maintain conversation, and engage in group activities. This means that you will most likely need your help to build friendships and communication between your child and the child with autism. In addition, many of our children function better in structured environments. Organizing the meeting well, developing a specific action plan, will help both children have a good time.

8. Opportunity to relax

Regardless of the age of a child with autism, it is difficult for parents to find a way to rest. Many parents of children with disabilities are preoccupied with their daily responsibilities. Some children with autism spectrum disorders do not sleep well at night, further exhausting their parents' strength.

That being said, when you have a child with special needs, it can be difficult to find someone to trust in caring for him. For example, I had no trouble finding a teenage girl next door who was looking after my 4-year-old neurotypical daughter. But when my son with autism was at this age, it was absolutely impossible to leave him under the supervision of an unprepared young girl. At that time, my son spoke only a few words and had many behaviors, so I could only trust him to my parents or another adult.

What follows from this if you are a friend or relative? The offer of a short break while a trusted friend or relative who knows how to properly interact with the child will sit with the child will be greeted with delight. Whether it is one hour or one evening, any suggestion will be an invaluable gift for your friend. It seems like a simple courtesy, but for exhausted parents a few hours to go shopping or just spend time together is a luxury.

9. Don't judge

A disapproving look in a store, a relative's remark that “you need to raise your child better” - most parents of children with autism become the object of condemnation in one way or another. Just imagine: we live like in an aquarium - countless speech therapists and therapists at home, endless visits to doctors. Therefore, often the "advice" of people who do not have a child with autism can make us lose patience. Even if you are confident in the constructiveness of your criticism, keep in mind that such statements can easily destroy your relationship with a friend.

Until you get into our shoes, you will never understand what it is like to raise a child with autism. Most people instinctively understand not to be judged, but it still happens. Once this has happened, the damage can be irreparable.

10. Confidentiality

Some parents, like me, are open about their child's diagnosis. Others are reluctant to discuss this with anyone, except perhaps close friends and family. At the opposite end of the acceptance scale are parents who may deny the diagnosis and will not discuss it with anyone.

But regardless of whether we talk about our children and autism, we expect confidentiality. Being honest with friends and family doesn't mean we want them to tell others about our children and our other affairs. Confidentiality is especially important for parents who choose not to share their child's diagnosis. It would seem that common sense suggests that you should not gossip about other people's children, but it is worth reminding that if we tell you about something, please do not tell anyone about it without our permission.

conclusions

You may meet many people with autism and families with this problem throughout your life. If your choice is to be part of the solution to a problem by supporting a friend, relative, or neighbor, then try to study a particular child, not autism in general. Choose to accept children with disabilities and encourage your children that they can help a child with autism by becoming a friend.

After my son was diagnosed with autism, I realized that friendships can be very fragile. It's easy to be a friend when all is well. And only in difficult times can we understand who our real friend is. I am endlessly grateful to those of my friends and relatives who supported our family after we learned about my son's diagnosis. They made a decision that they will accept my son as he is and help us in any way possible. Making the decision to support a family with autism is a great gift. And perhaps your kindness and nobility will be an invaluable reward for yourself.

“The biggest challenge for a friend is being understanding when you don’t understand.” - Robert Brault

Thanks to Tatyana Skripko for the translation.

Parenting is a system of interconnected components aimed at the birth and upbringing of a person. Behavior, emotions, motives of parents add up to a complex set of methods and ways of interacting with a child. The success of parenting is directly influenced by feelings, family values, understanding of responsibility, expectations and hopes. The personal characteristics (physical and psychological) of adults also affect the parenting style of their children. The influence of the family factor on the life of any person should not be underestimated. And in the case of families with children with autism, it plays a leading role. The starting conditions for a child with autism are as important as personal strengths, intelligence, and favorable circumstances. In childhood, there is an awareness of oneself as different from others, which can have negative consequences for the psyche of an autistic child. The goal of parents is to create a parenting style in which abilities are revealed and future opportunities are understood.

This text offers parents of autistic children ten tips to improve the quality of their relationships. They are formulated as motivating wishes, despite the "not" particle, which is used solely to reinforce the meaning of what is written.

1.do not neglect personal mental hygiene
The mental state of the parents has a significant impact on the life and health of the child. Imbalance, neuroses, stress, trauma, etc. prevent the establishment of contact. Decreases attention to the needs of the autistic child. They do not give an objective assessment of either its potential or current needs. And they can even lead to tragedy: the killing of autistic children by their own parents, alas, is not uncommon.
To avoid irreversible consequences, it is necessary to turn to specialists (psychologist, neurologist) in time to overcome your own problems. A welcoming atmosphere in the family significantly increases the chances of children with autism for adaptation in society.
Examples:
a) screaming and swearing in the family can scare an autistic child, cause him to have autistic hysteria.
b) the irritability of the parent increases the anxiety in the autistic child, as a result of which he is again more prone to breakdowns and more withdraws into himself.

2.do not identify with an autistic child
The merger is dangerous for both parents and children. In this state of affairs, the parent painfully perceives any deviation from the expectations that he has in relation to the child, experiences his failures as his own. An autistic child under overprotection has problems acquiring skills in self-service, which will have a negative impact on adult life in the future. The smart approach here is training, not service.
Examples:
a) an autistic child does not know how to tie shoelaces: the parent must repeatedly show the algorithm, then jointly lace up until the child learns himself, a bad option would be to do it for the child all the time.
b) an autistic child does not know how to visit a store and make purchases: teach him by the method of small steps - first teach him to take one desired product, then several, then show the process of paying for purchases, send for groceries or things on the list, be sure to be in touch (suddenly the child there will be questions).

3.do not forget about the need for self-education
Regularly reading autism research papers, personal blogs, and parenting forums for autistic children can be helpful. At the same time, it is important to remember that a systematic approach is needed, and not a chaotic sorting of various options based on someone else's positive experience. First of all, you need to focus on your specific child and his characteristics. If they do not fully fit into the groups proposed, for example, by L. Wing or O. Nikolskaya, combine the techniques based on the child's reactions.
Examples:
a) your autistic child, according to his description, is similar to a certain autistic child X, who has already learned how to sit down for lessons or warm up food on his own, but yours will not learn these actions in any way: do not consider your child stupid or hopeless, do not blindly copy other people's methods, watch your child and find effective ones for him.
b) ABA therapy is recommended by many specialists and parents, but if your child rejects this method, then stop classes, perhaps sensory-integrative therapy is more suitable for him or even classes with a speech therapist and a clear schedule without the intervention of other specialists.
c) do not rush to ask for the prescription of drugs based on someone else's experience: your autistic child needs explanations and support, and not in a state of "vegetable".

4.Do not ignore the strengths of the autistic child.
All parents and children are different personalities with different sets of abilities. A child with autism also means having a different cognitive style. Special interests may or may not become a profession. In any case, encourage them, help the autistic child find information. Be respectful and specific when talking about the application area of his interests and abilities. Your task is to help understand future actions, not invalidate the activities of the autistic child.
Examples:
a) an autistic child spends a lot of time with letters: offer him a keyboard and teach him to type, in this case, if he does not become a writer, he can be a proofreader or type data.
b) an autistic child is interested in drawing: support him, put him in a studio, invite a teacher, etc., even if in the end he does not grow into a great artist, then it may well turn out to be an illustrator, a specialist in vector graphics, etc.

5.Don't Forcibly Socialize Your Autistic Child
Communication skills are difficult for autistic people of all ages to communicate, to maintain, and to communicate. Failure in this area leads to withdrawal, anxiety disorder, and depression. Any visit to a peer group should cause satisfaction in the autistic child, and not hysteria or overload. Explain the rules of communication and behavior to the autistic child, be ready to help. The child should know that you are his support and source of information, and not another person who rejects his essence and nature.
Examples:
a) a certain autistic child X goes to kindergarten, and your condition only worsens from attending preschool: change the work schedule or hire a nurse so that the child is at home, it will be better for him to develop at his own pace in a calm environment than to experience overload and breakdowns in kindergarten due to the fact that they cannot find an approach to it.
b) do not hesitate to come up with him to the children on the playground and ask them to take him into the game, along the way helping him to master the rules, but if the child is uncomfortable, then it is better to play with him alone or let him do something on his own.
c) do not set a goal to achieve eye contact - autistic children do well without it, compulsion will not increase their attention, but will cause anxiety.

6.Do not dismiss the sensory features of an autistic child
It is known that the sensory perception of children with autism (as well as adults) has its own characteristics. Some types of sensory information due to improper filtering at the input are intolerable or cause complications. Study carefully all of your child's needs in this area. Be sure to read how autistic adults (they were also children) describe their experience of sensory overload, and try to use your "mental model" and empathy (they say that these work "correctly" for you, neurotypical people) - imagine that everything around you stink, yells at the highest volume level, blinds, crushes. This is what your child with autism is feeling and aware of. Your task is to alleviate this condition for him, and not to "temper" it, especially since it is impossible.
Examples:
a) an autistic child closes his ears or eyes - this is a sign of overload, darken the room, turn off the sound source (TV, player, radio), if you are in a shopping center, then try to get the child out of there as soon as possible.
b) clothes can also cause overload: too dense, made of irritating material (silk, wool), if the child pulls off things, then try to understand what exactly bothers him and do not try to impose, buy clothes from other materials and a different size ...
c) nutritional problems arise due to sensory sensitivity to the texture and consistency of foods: an autistic child does not eat solid food, so prepare mashed potatoes and cream soups for him, an autistic child does not eat mixed - give separately; do not try to overcome the child, it will cause an eating disorder and gastrointestinal problems.

7.Do not use nicknames and nicknames in relation to children with autism
Autistic children are first of all people, any autistic child is first of all a person. A person has a name and dignity, inherent right from birth. Applying parental nicknames to autistic children is demeaning. "Autyata" and "Aspees" exist in your imaginary reality, they are initially devoid of subjectivity. Only autistic people (or people with autism, with Asperger Syndrome) can identify themselves as they choose. Parents of autistic children should reach out to them and talk about them by name or whatever the children prefer.
Examples:
a) "Every time I read another parent who calls a child an autyonk, I feel irritated. It doesn't seem to concern me, but unpleasant. As if autistic people are not people, but homemade half-beads." (c) an adult with autism
b) “What does“ outmama ”mean? It's one thing if an autistic woman-mother calls herself that way, it's another thing when a neurotypical one. Moreover, she has no idea about the adequate upbringing of children. One would like to say in response that you are not us, but we are not you. " (c) a girl with Asperger's syndrome

8.Don't be under the illusion that autism can outgrow
Autism (Autism Spectrum Disorders) is a lifelong condition with varying degrees of severity of symptoms. There are examples of successful adaptation of autistic people in society (T. Grandin, D.E. Robison, A.Neyman, E.Sequenzia). They each have their own unique set of abilities, traits, difficulties and challenges. Just like your autistic child. Whether he will find his place in life, whether he will live independently, whether he will succeed in terms of career and personal relationships, he will still be an autistic person.
Examples:
a) an autistic child has a speech delay, exactly the same was that of your friend or relative who successfully took place in life and does not have any signs of autism - the specified person is not born with autism, and your child is autistic, accept this.
b) a certain autistic adult works successfully, has received a higher education, lives completely independently: this does not mean that he does not fight the world every day, does not have to pretend and adjust, paying a high price for this (anxiety, taking medications)

9.Do not physically abuse an autistic child
Punishment with a belt, spanking, hitting and any other physical impact on children is unacceptable. And this must be accepted as an imperative without explanations and reservations. Neither the experience of previous generations, nor the difficulties with upbringing, nor the personal heavy emotional state of the parent can justify this kind of action.
Examples: there cannot be any examples, if you are in doubt, then refer to the recommendation in paragraph 1, and urgently.

10. don't be silent about autism
Stereotypes and myths about autistic children generate fear and rejection. Communicating about autism in different life situations will help bring about positive changes in public perception. Talk about your autistic child, explain their behavior, reactions and needs. The more people around you learn, the more likely people with autism are to be tolerated and accepted. And, perhaps, future children with autism will live in a much more adapted society for them.
Examples:
a) if an autistic child has a breakdown (medtdown) in a public place, then while helping him, tell people that he is not dangerous for them, that such are his reactions to light and sounds (and other sensory impulses).
b) an autistic child publicly stimulates - explain to others that in this way he achieves calmness and concentration, and does not at all seek to shock others.
c) on the playground, at school, talk to other parents and teachers about autism, recommend articles, give brochures - education is two-way.

Wing, L. & Gould, J. (1979), "Severe Impairments of Social Interaction and Associated Abnormalities in Children: Epidemiology and Classification" // Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 9, pp. 11-29.
O.S. Nikolskaya "Psychological classification of child autism" // Almanac No. 18 "Childhood autism: ways of understanding and help", 2014.
Tony Attwood "Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals", 1998.

If children with autism are supported on time, many of them will be able to avoid disabilities.

The symptoms of this disease can be seen in many famous people: Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, Albert Einstein... The list of people with signs of autism is endless! It is these lists that help parents of autism not lose hope that their children will be able to live in society. The concept " autism"(From Greek auto- self) means deepening, withdrawing into oneself. So, for example, a child with autism may not react to a bee sting, but will scream in fear from fear during the rain. He can become attached to some thing, but almost not react to his own mother. Many children with this disorder are reluctant to leave the house, and some never start talking ...

The heroine of the article admitted that she does not like a film about a man with autistic disabilities " Rain Man". In the film, an autistic father bequeaths all his property to a psychiatric clinic where his son lives ... " I have no money that I could leave the clinic, and besides, I am not happy with the thought that my son might end up in such an institution!"She says. And she hopes that her story will help parents of such children fight for the right of autists to live in society, and not in a home for the disabled.

« Timur- a long-awaited child, we were preparing for his birth. But I soon realized that he was different from my eldest son. Of course, the elder was also "not a gift", but so that screaming whether he is full or hungry, dry or wet... The kid grew up, and I began to notice other features: he avoids eye contact, is not interested in other children, and in general can not do anything for a long time ... But he has energy for three: even when he ate, he could not sit. Chews a pie and turns circles around our seven-meter kitchen. It was impossible to stop him ...

When it was time to go to kindergarten, we went to speech therapist... There, in the specialist's office, Timur saw a toy airplane and began to play with it. The speech therapist tried to establish contact with my son, somehow attract his attention. Where there! Timur was silent! The speech therapist gave us “ early childhood autism (EDA)"Questionable and sent to neuropsychiatrist.

Problems also began in the garden: Timka cried every morning, and the teachers complained that Timur does not obey, does not eat, does not know how to dress independently... In the group, he played only with himself, spoke to almost no one. They reassured me: they say, the boy is not "kindergarten", with time he will get used to it. Then everyone agreed that my special child could not follow the general course. But there are no child care facilities or groups for autists... There are correctional groups for children with cerebral palsy, speech therapy groups for children with speech problems, special kindergartens that children with cerebral palsy can attend ... but nothing for us.

Finally, we got to speech therapy group... We can say that they made an exception for Timka. But the speech therapy group program - systematic classes with a speech pathologist - is not very suitable for those children who have communication difficulties.

During my next visit to a neuropsychiatrist, I heard a terrible thing: “ Let's apply for a disability". Probably, every mother of an unusual child is shocked by these words: it is one thing to raise a “special” child, and quite another thing when they write you a disability pension, free medicines and make it clear that medicine is powerless here ...

It still seems to me that something is wrong here. Well, what kind of Timur is an invalid when we swim in a large pool for three years, and in the evenings we douse ourselves with icy water according to the Ivanov system? Over the past year, my boy was ill only once, the temperature lasted for a day. Maybe too much is a luxury - to delete from the society healthy, smart, even disharmonious autists? And at the same time their young and able-bodied mothers, who are forced to take care of the disabled.

Homeschooling was recommended to us, but I decided to send the child to school. It is general education, so that he communicates with ordinary children from childhood. I went to the district education department and asked to find us the same friend, so that we would have someone to go to the integrated class with. But it turned out that my son is the only one like him in the entire Pervomaisky district.

Now that Minsk has public association of parents of autists, I know that there are about 200 families with such children in the capital... This is the official figure. There is another one, ten times more. Not every mother will find the strength to admit a child's psychiatric diagnosis. But to deal with a problem, you first need to acknowledge it. We did it, and since then we have not made a secret of our diagnosis. And I tell Timka the truth: “ You are different from other people, but I know that you will find the strength to live in our society».

There were other reasons not to stay at home with Timur. I love my job and would not want to leave it. And I have two children. I bring them up alone and I cannot allow the family to live only on a pension and state benefits.

In the district education department I was offered seat in the integrated classroom(both healthy and special children study in such classes). At first there were only two special ones - my Timur and a girl with a hearing impairment. In the classroom, a teacher-defectologist works in parallel with the teacher. The defectologist takes the "integrate" into his office for lessons that require more attention. And at breaks and other lessons "special" - together with other children. The girl, by the way, corrected her hearing and studies with the class, but Timur was added two boys. The three of them go under the program "with learning difficulties"... Again this is a good program, but not for autistic people. We have other difficulties ...

The first two years were very difficult for Timur, despite the fact that we were lucky with the teacher. Already on September 1, surprises began: after the lesson, Timur fled. He was able to quietly leave the school, although I was waiting at the entrance. We found Timur on the playground in the kindergarten. The teacher then told him, so calmly and confidently: “ Timur, have you decided to attend a kindergarten? Well done. Only the next time, when you want something again, you tell me, and I will help you».

Timur is still hyperactive, used to be able to get up in the middle of the lesson without permission and go, do something. The teacher understands this too: when she saw that Timur was starting to spin, she gave him instructions: they say, open the curtain, wet a rag. Let him sit where he wanted. In the first grade, he chose the last school desk and sat alone, and today he likes to study with his neighbors. The teacher was able to explain to the kids his features- silence and ridiculous statements in the classroom, absent-mindedness, "terrible" behavior. Our kids do behave sometimes like aliens who just got off to Earth from a spaceship. Timka could pick up earthworms on the way to school and put this “gift” into the teacher’s hand in the half-dark corridor, or scatter food in the dining room and say: “ Better to die than eat cakes". You need to be a real teacher to understand the reason for this behavior: in reality, my "alien" just read a tale about the Kid and Carlson... And he quoted the words of the protagonist, who also thinks that “ better to die than eat cauliflower».

Of course, there were also very difficult periods. For instance, Timur could not get used to the extended day group... Broken glasses, flowerpots, torn wallpaper, a broken toilet - this is all my Timur. Moreover, I learned about all the troubles from the mouth of a teacher or children. Autistic people do not know how to tell, I could only guess by the look “to nowhere” and sudden tears at night that something was wrong with Timka. Sometimes my head was spinning, I thought: I'll finish working for a week and that's it, I'll take it for home training. At such moments we were supported by a neuropsychiatrist: “ Wait a couple more weeks, and then maybe it will get better". So we dragged on for almost two years. I had to switch to a shorter working day and find a nanny who picks up Timur right after school. And then ... it happened little miracle.

I remember that day well - May 31st. Timur had just finished the second grade, and in the evening he told me: “ Mom, I am already an adult, I will go to the third grade, so I will not be mischievous anymore". And he still keeps his promise. Today he behaves like an ordinary boy - sincere, curious, a little naive. I think many people at school loved him. And our school # 203 can really be proud that it was able to integrate such a difficult child.

Autistic people usually have intelligence, they just need help to adapt in our world. And my experience has shown that such children the need for communication can be developed... Timur has already seen other children around him, he can run with them, go downhill ... We have a friend - though much younger than my son. It’s easier for Timka, because it’s difficult for him to come to an agreement. He wants to be friends with his peers, only he does not yet know how to do it. I hope to teach him.

I sometimes think that if I had not taken Timka to the kindergarten and school, then my son would be sitting alone now. Yes, we have a disability now, but the diagnosis will be reviewed every two years... We hope to someday say goodbye to him forever.

I share my experiences on forums on the internet. Many parents have lost hope that their child, with the same diagnosis, will be able to socialize. But I see my son who has changed a lot. Yes, it is still easy to offend him, to deceive him: social intelligence develops slowly. If a stranger takes his hand, he will go with him. But just because of this, it is wrong to consider a child a hopeless invalid.

I'm sure more integrated classes need to be created. They are needed not only by children with diagnoses, but also by healthy ones. Why? I will explain. My Timur is very absent-minded, he can forget his briefcase in the corridor or in the dining room forget why he came there. Classmates take care of Timur, without humiliating his dignity. They'll just bring that briefcase or put a plate in front of it. And one very correct seven-year-old boy, when he saw that I was angry with Timur for something, even rebuked: “ How can you swear at him? Timur is just an extraordinary person!»

Agree, these words are worth hundreds of broken glasses!

Autism - what is this disease?

It is difficult to remain indifferent, watching as a child with autism tries to adapt in the fleeting modern world. Although the forms of these disorders range from mild to severe, many people with the disease exhibit exceptional aptitude for music or other arts. It is worth supporting them a little and their adaptation in society will become quite real.

Autism is not the result of poor parenting. Autism is a disorder arising from impaired brain development and is characterized by abnormalities in social interaction and communication, as well as stereotyped behavior and interests. All these signs appear before the age of 3 years.

Unlike all other children with and without psychophysical disabilities, an autistic child does not meet another person and does not rejoice when anyone, a child or an adult, wants, for example, to play with her.

The most common symptoms of autism

Insufficient language development, lack of speech. Young children, as a rule, have visual impairments, speech impairments (it is difficult for them to speak), they are overly shy, they often repeat the same words several times in a row. The child does not understand the speech of other people, she herself does not seek to talk, communicate with other people, even the mother. In the child's speech, mostly echolalia are present, the child sometimes repeats scraps of elements of speech that she heard from other people or on TV. The child does not understand complex language structures. A child with autism understands only monosyllabic command words: "Eat", "Sit down." The child cannot think abstractly, analyze and generalize. Most often, the child does not understand the pronouns mine, yours, theirs, etc. At the same time, he can develop quite intensively "autonomous speech", "speech for himself."

The child does not perceive the world around him, does not react to what is happening around him. Sometimes it is completely impossible for parents to attract the attention of a child, she does not react to her name and to the sounds of the voices of mom and dad. Moreover, over time, the child begins to actively avoid communication, hides, leaves. The child does not fix his gaze on the face of his parents, there is no contact of glances that do not appeal to the tongue.

The visual attention of children with autism is extremely selective and very short-lived, the child looks as if past people, not noticing them and treats them as inanimate objects. At the same time, she is characterized by increased impressionability, his reactions to the environment are often unpredictable and incomprehensible. Such a child may not notice the absence of close relatives, parents, and overly painful and agitated to react even to minor movements and rearrangements of objects in the room.

3. A child with autism cannot tolerate emotional contact with parents. Even in the first months of life, the child does not pull the handle, does not cling to the mother, but, being in the arms of the parents, resists physical contact, strains his back, tries to escape from the embrace of his parents.

A child with autism never plays with toys, or even shows interest in them. A child with autism's play consists of a set of simple movements - she pulls on a piece of clothing, twists a rope, sucks or sniffs parts of toys. These signs of autism also appear after a child reaches the age of 1 year.

The child does not show interest in other children, does not play with peers. The autistic person does not show interest in the games of children. In the second year of life, it is noticeable that an autistic child does not even have the simplest playing skills. The only play the autistic person can support is simple mechanical take-and-give movements. In autism, play activity has a peculiar character. Its characteristic feature is that the child usually plays himself, mainly using not play material, but household items. She can play long and monotonously with shoes, laces, paper, switches, wires and the like. Role-playing games with peers do not develop in such children. There are peculiar pathological transformations in this or that image in combination with autistic fantasies. At the same time, the child does not notice those around him, does not enter into verbal contact with them.

... A child with autism cannot learn basic self-care skills. Sometimes it is impossible for such a child to learn how to dress himself, go to the toilet, wash, eat and use cutlery on his own.

A child with autism requires constant monitoring, she does not understand and cannot assess the dangers of the world around her. The kid cannot cross the street, because he does not perceive moving cars and can get hurt. Such a child does not understand the danger posed by falling from a height, playing with electrical appliances, sharp objects, etc.

Despite the indifference to the world around, a child with autism can very often show outbursts of anger and aggression. Basically, this aggression is directed at oneself. The child bites his hands until it bleeds, bangs his head against furniture and the floor, punches himself on the body and face. Sometimes this aggression occurs against other people, and the child, with any attempt to contact, scratches, bites or hits the parents. On any prohibition or attempt to contact, an autistic child can suddenly show unrestrained aggression. The child does not know how to feel a feeling of regret, at the request or entreaty of the parents, she does not react, is indifferent to tears.

A child with autism often has obsessive-compulsive movement syndrome - she sways while standing or sitting, claps her hands aimlessly for a long time, rotates and twists various objects, looks at the world, fire, fan for a long time. Instead of playing, the child can arrange various objects and toys in neat rows. A child can jump up and down for a long time without emotion.

What advice can you give to parents and loved ones of children with autism?

If the above signs of an autistic type of development become noticeable for parents, then it is imperative to contact a child psychiatrist to make sure how much these features of the child's development have a basis. The diagnosis of "early childhood autism" can only be made by a specialist - a pediatric neuropsychiatrist after a thorough examination of the baby. If this diagnosis is made to the child, then the parents need to decide on the program for the further education and development of the baby. To do this, it is important to consult a special psychologist or correctional teacher who have experience working with such children, can provide a detailed description of the state of the child's mental development, as well as determine the forms and directions of correctional classes for the child.

Parents need to be patient, firmly believe in success, and not give up hope. Today, in many cities, special courses and schools are open for parents whose children suffer from autism.

The basis for successfully overcoming autism is the implementation at home and in special centers of an individual rehabilitation program for a sick child. Naturally, the main task here falls on the shoulders of the parents. Therefore, the first step should be to accept that their child has autism. After all, she is not a mentally ill person, he just has "a different way of seeing the world", it is a little more difficult for her to express her feelings. This is where you need to help, support, teach her.

With a correct, persistent approach to the implementation of the treatment (rehabilitation) program, children with autism show excellent results and can largely recover and adapt to a normal life. They often have a gift or talent in some area of art or knowledge.

Hypersensitivity to sounds and touch, delayed speech development, imbalance. Such developmental problems of children with autism arise for the parents of special children.

The intellectual development of these children is quite diverse. Among them there may be children with normal, accelerated, sharply delayed and uneven mental development. Both partial or general giftedness and mental retardation are also noted.

The first age crisis occurs between the ages of two and three, when each child differentiates himself from people and differentiates people into friends and foes. During this period, the child begins to recognize himself in the mirror and talk about himself in the first person. The growth of self-awareness and the desire for independence determine the frequency of emotional and behavioral disorders at this stage. Striving for independence, the child shows negativism and stubbornness to the comments and prohibitions of adults.

To prevent emotional and behavioral disorders, it is very important that adults treat your baby carefully, with great patience and respect. At the same time, in no case should a child be suppressed or intimidated, it is necessary to simultaneously stimulate and organize his activity, to form an arbitrary regulation of behavior.

Particularly important in the upbringing of an autistic child is the organization of his purposeful behavior, a clear daily routine, the formation of stereotyped behavior in certain situations.

Since autism spectrum disorders are cross-cutting, the positive impact on the development of the child should be comprehensive. The point is that the focus should be on the motor, emotional and cognitive spheres. In the motor sphere, it is worth getting advice from specialists (it is especially important to work out certain skills) on how to help a child in this direction. To be able to: activate the child's manifestations, perform exercises for the redistribution of muscle tension, master various methods of relieving tension, contribute to the harmonization of tonic regulation as a whole, since it is it that is the basis of full-fledged mental development.

Advice for adults near and far from an autistic child

Use the systematic cooperation of a child with an adult so that he always has a reference version before his eyes, with which he at least occasionally tried to compare his product and other results of his activity, as well as contemplate the actions, movements of an adult, and hear his thoughts. Partnering with the child in various activities with him / her can help calm and give him a sense of security.

Observe with the vast majority of autistic children their constant insurance: be prepared to catch them, grab them, put your hand on a dangerous place, etc., be prepared to prevent a situation from arising, provokes the child's physical self-aggression. An effective way to minimize the child's dangerous actions is to reinforce them with your violent reactions (do not get scared, do not get upset, do not get angry). Remember that some children can provoke such reactions from an adult and still feel pleasure and joy.

Purposefully take care of the child's objective activity and play. In this regard, it will provide a balanced attitude to the selection of toys and objects, think over the goals in terms of their degree of complexity (should correspond to the age, capabilities and interests of the child), carefully consider the organization and management of children's activities.

Use the child with autism's greater attachment to objects than to people. On this basis, indirectly establish a dialogue with them, for example, through musical instruments, dancing, sports games. At the same time, improve the auditory-vocal, auditory-motor and visual-motor coordination of general and fine motor skills, form the level of the child's ability to synthesize them in one activity (encourage the child to search from the left to the right, from the top to the bottom of a melodic toy or an adult who sings to her or says something, etc.).

Removing from the child's environment everything that can scare him: harsh sounds (slamming the door, clattering dishes, quarreling, loud music); harsh visual impressions (powerful, unprotected light source, sudden movement in the child's field of vision); harsh odors, rough treatment, and the like.

Remember that an adult's gaze, the sounds of his voice, approaching and touching can only cause a defensive reaction in a child in the form of various options for withdrawal and avoidance (preventing and averting eyes, unwillingness to listen, touch, make any contact).

Maintain elements of communication, attempts to make contact, reactions to the appeal of an adult. At the same time, take into account in every possible way the peculiarities of their implementation by the child, because, despite the fact that the child "walks past people," she never bumps into them, she may cry when they shout at her or in front of her.

- Systematically use the possibilities of art therapy tools as a socially acceptable outlet for the aggressiveness and negative emotions of a child with autism, a safe way to relieve tension, reduce fears, aggression and cruelty. Joint participation in drawing, in music lessons, in elementary sports games will contribute to the formation of relationships of empathy and mutual support.

The main guideline for the development of a child with autism should be varied, emotionally rich communication with parents. Parents should talk to him more than to a healthy child.

Constantly stimulate the child's interest in the outside world. It is interested in the performance of the regime moments by you and is not indifferent, the affectionate attitude towards the child, the designation of emotional states with various sound combinations, contribute to the emotional "infection" of the baby. This, in turn, will gradually induce in him the need for contact and the child's gradual change in his own emotional (often aggressive) state.

Constantly draw the child's attention to your actions. Bathing, dressing, examining etc. child, do not be silent and do not ignore the child, but, on the contrary, constantly gently stimulate her to imitate. At the same time, remember that the child is able to imitate only what, in a general form, he himself can already do. It's good when mom sings, and it can be not only songs: despite the fact that children with autism respond better to music than to broadcasting, it is worth making speech manifestations musical, singing the child's name, your comments, your requests, stories, praise etc. And to talk with such a child - in a calm (preferably even quiet) voice.

Facilitates the child's easier passage of the moment of physical separation from himself in order to prevent the manifestation of severe forms of "edge feeling", when the child becomes completely unrestrained, uncontrollable, disobedient. Constantly form a "sense of the edge" in the baby so that he gradually ceases to be afraid of new things in the environment.

Consider that next to indifference, affective blockade (isolation) towards you, there is also a symbiotic form of contact, when the child refuses to remain without you at least for a while, despite the fact that it is never soft with you.

At all stages of establishing contact, choose a safe distance for communication and unobtrusively demonstrate your readiness for contact, every time, always starting from the mental level at which the child is.

During tactile contact with the child, talk to him about his feelings, including even manifestations of anger at his resistance. When doing this, keep in mind that an autistic child can understand your feelings and speech. However, the emotional characteristics of the baby are an obstacle to the process of perceiving maternal affection. It is important to continue to eliminate the child's resistance with stimuli that are emotionally oversensitive and uncomfortable for her (a long kiss, a whisper in her ear, etc.). At the same time, apply a certain transformation of relations with the child, whom (the situation) is conventionally called "let go", when the child tries to avoid long-term emotional contacts, hugs, and kisses. However, given the natural autonomy of a child with autism, this opportunity must be used with caution.

use the (As possible) method of mobilizing the child to play without any demands and instructions only for the purpose of establishing an emotionally supportive, trusting contact, even though the child may not pay attention to you.

Constantly stimulate the child's emotional reactions to warmth, coolness, wind, colorful leaves, bright sun, melted snow, streams of water, birdsong, green grass, flowers; to polluted places in the environment (clogged, with an unpleasant odor, dirty water) and clean and comfortable meadows and the like. At the same time, repeatedly teach and encourage the child to use appropriate gestures and body movements, vocalizations, words are imperfect; approve of this behavior.

Constantly alleviates the insufficient or complete absence of the need for contacts, as well as active, often with an aggressive manifestation of the desire for loneliness and isolation from the outside world. However, keep in mind that children feel noticeably better when left alone. However, join the child's actions, and then tactfully insist on joint actions, for example, with the object that the child is playing with, with a book that is read “together”, with a matrika that is alternately made up, with a ball that is alternately rolled across the floor, and the like. ...

Learn to Read his elementary attempts to make contact with you and smile (gentle voice, gentle look, hugs, repeated repetition of her name, etc.) encourage the child to continue this contact.