Hormones and desire. How to ignite insane desire in a man
It has always been believed that the main purpose of a woman is home and family, taking care of her husband and children. Of course. It would be foolish to argue with this, without such worries life will not be complete. However, this does not mean at all that in caring for loved ones, a woman should forget about herself. Below we will focus on a topic that used to be almost forbidden, and even now it is not often raised. This is the topic of female sexuality and sexual pleasure.
Moreover, this topic is not easy. This includes female frigidity in the medical sense, and the lack of pleasure due to psychological problems and overwork at work, and the difference in female and male perceptions of sex. Let's be honest - it's much easier for men to have fun. But this does not mean at all that women should humble themselves and behave as in Victorian times, when it was believed that a lady could not receive any pleasure from an intimate life, that such sensations are a sign of a fallen woman.
No, really. Not everything that was the norm in the past is good for women. And if we do not sit in a mansion and are not completely dependent on our husband, if we have learned to earn money ourselves, to achieve success in our careers, then why not have fun in our personal life? Intimate, more precisely. What is needed for this? A little knowledge and a little desire. The presence of desires depends on you, dear readers, but I will provide you with knowledge. I will try to write clearly, we don't need complex medical terms. And you can increase your sexuality and susceptibility to positive emotions and sensations with the help of the simplest food products, exercise, relaxing or tonic baths, aromas, erotic massage and psychological moods for the best.
It's not impossible to be happy with yourself, really.
Why a woman doesn't want sex
One of the most common sexual problems in a woman is the loss of sexual desire. According to statistics from American scientists, 43% of American women suffer from "lack of sexual desire." Indeed, you can often hear women complaining about a lack of interest or even a complete lack of interest in sex. What is the reason for this? What influences female sexuality in general? In this problem there is a medical aspect associated with hormones and the menstrual cycle, and there is a psychological aspect, which in women plays a very important role, almost greater than the hormonal background. Let's start with something simpler: physiology.
Hormones and desire
A woman's ovaries produce large quantities of female sex hormones: estrogen and progesterone. And yet (this is not so widely known to non-physicians) the ovaries produce small amounts of male sex hormones: testosterone and androstenedione. Also in the body of both men and women, follicle-stimulating (FSH) and luteinizing (LH) hormones are produced.
Follicle-stimulating hormone regulates the formation of eggs in the ovaries.
Luteinizing hormone regulates the production of sex hormones in the ovary.
According to some scientists, LH levels are closely related to sexual desire.
The production of hormones in a woman occurs cyclically. The menstrual cycle is divided into two phases, between which ovulation occurs.
The first phase is called follicular. A follicle develops in it, from which an egg cell is released, which can then turn into a developing fetus. The phase begins on the very first day of the onset of menstruation (menstrual bleeding) and ends when ovulation occurs. This is about half of the entire cycle. In this phase, estrogens are produced.
The next phase is luteal, or the phase of the corpus luteum. It forms in the ovary at the site of the released egg. This phase begins immediately after ovulation and lasts as long as the corpus luteum exists, that is, on average, about 12-14 days. The main task at this stage is to maintain the balance of the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which the corpus luteum secretes to prepare the body for a possible pregnancy.
Ovulation is the release of a mature (ready for fertilization) egg from the follicle into the abdominal cavity, followed by movement through the fallopian tubes to the uterus itself. By the time of puberty, about 300-400 thousand eggs are stored in a woman's body. All of them are in the ovaries from birth and are laid in the womb. The first ovulation occurs a little later than the onset of puberty, the last - after the extinction of menstrual function, with menopause. During pregnancy, ovulation also does not occur, but after the birth of the baby, it is restored.
Thus, the level of estrogen rises slowly during the first half of the month, and then gradually decreases. Progesterone levels rise sharply after ovulation and then decrease just before menstruation begins.
Many women notice that their level of sexual desire changes throughout the month, but not all days of maximum arousal coincide. Approximately half of women notice that their sexual desire peaks around the fourteenth day of their menstrual cycle, but the other half admit that they peak in the days before the onset of menstruation, or coincides with menstruation. And the reason for this different preference is still unknown. It is only known for certain that this cyclicity exists.
In addition, it is known that when the amount of estrogen decreases (this may be associated with the onset of menopause or hormonal imbalance in women of childbearing age), many women experience changes in sexual function, including inadequate vaginal lubrication and decreased genital sensitivity.
Also, low levels of the hormone testosterone contribute to a decrease in sexual arousal, genital sensitivity and difficulty reaching orgasm. Back in the 1980s, scientists in England and Denmark conducted an experiment and found that treating frigid women with small doses of testosterone improved the quality of their sex life. The level of active testosterone decreases with the use of hormonal contraceptives: according to researchers, about a third of women who use this method, notice a decrease in sex drive.
The hormone prolactin plays an important role in the formation of sexual desire - with its increase, the desire will decrease. An increase in prolactin levels physiologically occurs during pregnancy and breastfeeding, it kind of distracts the woman's attention from her partner and directs it to the child. If a woman is not pregnant and is not feeding, and the level of prolactin is increased, then this may be a sign of a serious illness, a consultation with a gynecologist is needed. Also, prolactin increases with treatment with certain psychotropic drugs.
Any malfunction of the reproductive system will affect the sexual health of a woman, but in addition to sex, hormones of the thyroid and adrenal glands affect sexual desire. True, with disturbances in the work of these hormones, symptoms characteristic of them appear, and a decrease in sex drive will be only one of them.
The decreased desire is caused by the decreased function of the thyroid gland: hypothyroidism. Therefore, if there is a low mood, constant drowsiness and weakness, apathy, weight gain, low body temperature and the absence of any desire for love games, then it makes sense to do a blood test for thyroid hormones.
Blood tests for hormones
In diseases of the female genital area, blood is donated for: luteinizing hormone (LH), follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), estradiol, progesterone, 17-oh-progesterone, prolactin.
For diseases of the male genital area and women for an in-depth analysis of the hormonal background: dehydroepiandrosterone sulfate (DHEA), testosterone.
Adrenal cortex hormones: cortisol, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH).
For diseases of the thyroid gland: thyroxine (T4), triiodothyronine (T3), thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH), antibodies to thyroglobulin (AT-TG), antibodies to thyroid peroxidase (AT-TPO), etc.
How to pass the test for hormones correctly: since the human hormonal system is connected with all organs and systems of the body, it is necessary to take this test in the morning on an empty stomach. Before donating blood for hormone testing, give up smoking, alcohol and strenuous physical activity. For women, the analysis of many hormones must be taken on certain days of the menstrual cycle. Usually the doctor speaks about this, prescribing this or that analysis.
Female reproductive hormones
Sex hormones affect many organs and systems of the female body; in addition, the condition of the skin and hair, and general well-being depends on them. It is not for nothing that when a person is nervous or even behaves inappropriately, those around him say: "Hormones are raging."
The rules for donating blood are approximately the same for all hormones. First, the analysis is taken on an empty stomach. Secondly, the day before the test, it is necessary to exclude alcohol, smoking, sexual intercourse, and also limit physical activity. Emotional stress can also distort the results (therefore, it is advisable to take the analysis in a calm mood) and the intake of certain medications (primarily hormone-containing ones). If you are taking any hormonal medications, be sure to tell your doctor.
Different hormones are given by women on different days of the menstrual cycle (counting from the first day of menstruation).
FSH, LH, prolactin - on days 3-5 of the cycle (LH is sometimes given several times during the cycle to determine ovulation).
Testosterone, DHEA-s - on the 8-10th day of the cycle (in some cases, it is allowed on the 3-5th day of the cycle).
Progesterone and estradiol are usually given on days 21-22 of the cycle (ideally 7 days after the expected ovulation. When measuring rectal temperature - 5-7 days after the start of the rise in temperature. If the cycle is irregular, it can be given several times).
It is produced by the pituitary gland and regulates the activity of the gonads: it stimulates the production of progesterone in women and testosterone in men. In women, it stimulates the formation of estrogens, ensures ovulation and the formation of the corpus luteum. In men, under the influence of luteinizing hormone, testosterone levels increase, due to which sperm maturation occurs.
The release of the hormone is of a pulsating nature and depends in women on the phase of the ovulation cycle. During puberty, LH levels rise, approaching adult levels. In the menstrual cycle, the peak LH concentration occurs during ovulation, after which the level of the hormone decreases. Concentration decreases during pregnancy. After the cessation of menstruation (in postmenopause), an increase in the concentration of LH occurs.
The ratio of luteinizing hormone to follicle-stimulating hormone (LH / FSH) is important. Normally, before the onset of menstruation, it is equal to 1, after a year of their passage - from 1 to 1.5, in the period from two years after the onset of menstruation and before menopause - from 1.5 to 2.
Sports training should be excluded 3 days before blood sampling. Do not smoke for at least an hour before taking blood. Blood must be donated in a calm state, on an empty stomach.
The analysis is done on the 4th-7th day of the menstrual cycle, unless other terms are indicated by the attending physician. In the case of irregular cycles, blood is taken to measure LH levels every day between the 8-18 days before the expected period.
Luteinizing hormone rates:
- children under 11 years old 0.03-3.9 mIU / ml,
- men 0.8–8.4 mIU / ml,
- women: follicular phase of the cycle 1.1-8.7 mIU / ml, ovulation 13.2-72 mIU / ml, luteal phase of the cycle 0.9-14.4 mIU / ml, postmenopause 18.6-72 mIU / ml ...
It is produced by the pituitary gland. In men, it causes the development of seminiferous tubules, stimulates spermatogenesis, in women, the development of follicles in the ovary depends on it. FSH stimulates the formation of follicles in women, when a critical level of FSH is reached, ovulation occurs.
FSH is released into the blood by impulses at intervals of 1–4 hours. The concentration of the hormone during the release is 1.5–2.5 times higher than the average level, the release lasts about 15 minutes. There are seasonal fluctuations in the concentration of the hormone in the blood: in summer, the level of FSH in men is higher than in other seasons.
The analysis is done on the 4th-7th day of the menstrual cycle, unless other terms are indicated by the attending physician. Sports training should be excluded 3 days before blood sampling. Do not smoke for at least 1 hour prior to blood sampling. You need to be calm and on an empty stomach.
FSH norms:
- children under 11 years old 0.3-6.7 mIU / ml,
- men 1.0-11.8 mIU / ml,
- women: follicular phase of the cycle 1.8-11.3 mIU / ml, ovulation 4.9-20.4 mIU / ml, luteal phase of the cycle 1.1-9.5 mIU / ml, postmenopause 31-130 mIU / ml ...
It is produced in the ovaries in women, in the testes in men; in small amounts, estradiol is also produced by the adrenal cortex in men and women.
Estradiol in women ensures the formation of the female reproductive system, the development of female secondary sexual characteristics, the formation and regulation of menstrual function, the development of the egg, the growth and development of the uterus during pregnancy; responsible for the psychophysiological characteristics of sexual behavior. Provides the formation of female-type subcutaneous adipose tissue.
It also has an anabolic effect, enhances bone metabolism and accelerates the maturation of skeletal bones. Promotes sodium and water retention in the body. Reduces cholesterol levels and increases blood clotting activity.
In women of childbearing age, serum and plasma estradiol levels depend on the phase of the menstrual cycle. From the beginning of the menstrual cycle, the content of estradiol in the blood gradually increases, reaching a peak towards the end of the follicular phase (it stimulates the release of LH before ovulation), then in the luteal phase, the level of estradiol decreases slightly. The content of estradiol during pregnancy in serum and plasma increases by the time of delivery, and after delivery it returns to normal on the 4th day. With age, women experience a decrease in the concentration of estradiol. In postmenopausal women, the concentration of estradiol decreases to the level observed in men.
On the eve of the study, it is imperative to exclude physical activity (sports training) and smoking. In women of reproductive age (from about 12-13 years old and before the onset of menopause), the analysis is performed on the 4-7th day of the menstrual cycle, unless other periods are indicated by the attending physician.
Normal levels of estradiol:
- children under 11 years old< 15 пг\мл,
- men 10–36 pg / ml,
- women: of reproductive age 13-191 pg / ml, during menopause 11–95 pg / ml.
It is a steroid hormone that is produced in women by the corpus luteum of the ovaries, and during pregnancy it is produced by the placenta. In small quantities in both men and women, it is produced in the adrenal cortex under the influence of luteinizing hormone (LH). In women, its concentration in the blood is much higher than in men. Progesterone is called the "pregnancy hormone" because it plays a crucial role in its normal passage.
If fertilization of the egg occurs, then progesterone inhibits the synthesis of gonadotropic hormones of the pituitary gland and inhibits ovulation, the corpus luteum does not dissolve, but continues to synthesize the hormone up to 16 weeks, after which its synthesis continues in the placenta. If fertilization does not occur, then the corpus luteum resolves after 12-14 days, the concentration of the hormone decreases and menstruation begins.
The study is usually carried out on days 22-23 of the menstrual cycle, in the morning on an empty stomach. It is allowed to drink water. If blood sampling is performed during the day, then the fasting period should be at least 6 hours, excluding fat on the previous day. When measuring rectal temperature, the progesterone concentration is determined on the 5-7th day of its maximum rise. With an irregular menstrual cycle, most often the study is carried out several times.
Progesterone rates:
- children 1-10 years old 0.2-1.7 nmol / l,
- men over 10 years old 0.32-2.23 nmol / l,
- women over 10 years old: follicular phase 0.32-2.23 nmol / l, ovulation 0.48-9.41 nmol / l, luteal phase 6.99-56.63 nmol / l, postmenopause< 0,64 нмоль/л,
- pregnant women: I trimester 8.90-468.40 nmol / L, II trimester 71.50-303.10 nmol / L, III trimester 88.70- 771.50 nmol / L.
It is a steroid hormone produced in the adrenal glands, genitals and placenta. In the adrenal glands, 17-OH-progesterone is converted to cortisol. In addition, in the ovaries, as in the adrenal glands, this hormone can be converted into androstenedione, a precursor of the hormones testosterone and estradiol.
An increase in its level in the blood during the menstrual cycle coincides with an increase in the concentration of luteinizing hormone (LH), estradiol and progesterone. Also, the content of 17-OH increases during pregnancy.
During the first week after the birth of a baby, the level of 17-OH-progesterone falls, it remains constantly low in childhood, and during puberty it progressively rises to the level of concentration in adults.
17-OH-progesterone rates:
- men 1.52-6.36 nmol / l,
- women from 14 years old: follicular phase 1.24-8.24 nmol / l, ovulation 0.91-4.24 nmol / l, luteal phase 0.99-11.51 nmol / l, postmenopausal 0.39-1 , 55 nmol / l,
- pregnant women: I trimester 3.55–17.03 nmol / L, II trimester 3.55–20.00 nmol / L, III trimester 3.75–33.33 nmol / L.
A hormone that promotes the formation of sexual behavior. It is produced in the anterior lobe of the pituitary gland, a small amount is synthesized by peripheral tissues. During pregnancy, prolactin is produced in the endometrium (the lining of the uterus), maintains the corpus luteum and progesterone production, stimulates the growth and development of mammary glands and the formation of milk.
Prolactin regulates water-salt metabolism, delaying the excretion of water and sodium by the kidneys, and stimulates calcium absorption. Other effects include stimulating hair growth. Prolactin also regulates immunity.
In the luteal phase, the level of prolactin is higher than in the follicular phase. During pregnancy (from the 8th week), the prolactin level rises, reaching a peak by 20-25 weeks, then decreases immediately before childbirth and increases again during breastfeeding.
One day before the study, sexual intercourse and heat effects (sauna) should be excluded, smoking for 1 hour. Since the level of prolactin is greatly influenced by stressful situations, it is advisable to exclude factors influencing the research results: physical stress (running, climbing stairs), emotional arousal. Before the procedure, you should rest for 10-15 minutes, calm down.
Norms of prolactin:
- children under 10 years old 91-526 mIU / l,
- men 105-540 mIU / l,
- women 67-726 mIU / l.
Male reproductive hormones
Although these hormones are considered male, they are also produced by the female body. It's just that women have less of them.
It is a hormone produced in the adrenal glands (95%) and testes (5%) and has androgenic properties. Typically, low DHEA levels during adolescence are indicative of delayed puberty. At the same time, increased DHEA indices indicate premature puberty. Indicators of this hormone are important for the diagnosis of some endocrinological diseases. With age, the absolute concentration of this hormone in the blood decreases. For research, take blood from a vein on an empty stomach.
DHEA-S standards:
- boys 0-14 days 37-376 mcg / dl,
- boys 1-3 years old 6-21 mcg / dl,
- boys 3-6 years old 5-186 mcg / dl,
- boys 6-8 years old 10-94 mcg / dl,
- boys 8-10 years old 16-75 mcg / dl,
- boys 10-14 years old 18-344 mcg / dl,
- men 80-560 mcg / dl,
- girls 0-14 days 44-367 mcg / dl,
- girls 1-3 years old 6-79 mcg / dl,
- girls 3-6 years old 6-38 mcg / dl,
- girls 6-8 years old 13-68 mcg / dl,
- girls 10-12 years old 12-177 mcg / dl,
- girls 12-14 years old 23-301 mcg / dl,
- women 35-430 mcg / dl,
- pregnant women: I trimester 66 - 460 mcg / dl, II trimester 37 - 260 mcg / dl, III trimester 19 - 130 mcg / dl.
This is the main, most active male sex hormone, in men it is produced by the Leydig cells of the testes, and in women - by the adrenal cortex (about 25%), the ovaries (about 25%) and in peripheral tissues (50%).
Testosterone at the stage of intrauterine development is necessary for the formation of male genital organs, and during puberty it is responsible for the development of secondary sexual characteristics. It is also needed to maintain normal sexual function.
Testosterone rates:
- boys 0-14 days 75-400 ng / dl,
- boys 1-10 years old 2-30 ng / dl,
- boys 10-12 years old 15-280 ng / dl,
- boys 12-14 years old 105-545 ng / dl,
- men 14–20 years old 200–810 ng / dl,
- men 20-49 years old 286-1511 ng / dl,
- men over 50 years old 212-742 ng / dl,
- girls 0-14 days 20-64 ng / dl,
- girls 1-10 years old 1-20 ng / dl,
- girls 10-14 years old 5-40 ng / dl,
- women: follicular phase 14-118 ng / dl, ovulation 21-104 ng / dl, luteal phase 14-119 ng / dl, menopause 10-100 ng / dl,
Small children, household chores, stress at work, the next news release and the financial crisis - all this can not only ruin a woman's mood, but also deprive her of the desire to study having sex... Why, at the peak of activity - at 30 and at 40 years old - do many women stop feeling desire? Vera Alekseeva, a sexologist, spoke about this.
One of my patients confessed during the consultation: "If a woman had a" Turn off "button on her body, I would say that it worked for me many years ago." Another 44-year-old woman complained that her algebra homework and cleanliness in the kitchen have worried her more than sex lately. And these women are no exception to the rule. Decreased sex drive is one of the biggest problems I face.
The results of different studies differ from each other, and in general it can be said that between 35% and 60% of women in different countries admit that they have experienced a decrease in libido at some time in their lives. This means that the level of sexual desires for almost half of married couples does not match. Can you imagine how much it is?
The woman lies in bed, her eyes closed, and talks about how tired she is, so that only the man would not think to have sex, and he almost has to beg her for what once seemed to both of them the most important pleasure in life.
A man once said at my reception: "She lies a few centimeters from me, but the impression is that we are separated by several kilometers. She has such an expression that a hand does not rise to touch her."
To understand this problem, my colleagues and I conducted an experiment with the participation of 98 couples.
We asked them to record their conversations and their thoughts about sex for several weeks. The study involved people of different ages: there were both students and those who have been married for more than 50 years. These diaries had amazing stories. One forty-year-old man wrote with bitterness how one day, tired of persuading his wife, he said irritably: "That's enough for me! I don't intend to persuade you anymore. We will have sex when you ask for it yourself." 8 years have passed since then, they still live together, but have never had sex.
Many women regretted that they too often refused their partners, and immediately felt sorry for themselves, because they were too tired in a day, and there was no time for rest. Almost everyone who admits a decrease in desire is shocked by this: after all, once they could not tear themselves away from each other, and it was impossible to imagine that someday the excitement would pass. One of the participants wrote this: "After the birth of the twins, I could not even think about sex. Once my husband did not speak to me for several days, when he heard me waving my arms in a dream and shouting:" Get away from me! I do not want!"
I just don't want sex
Female sex drive is a very fragile and complex thing. Unlike a man's, it depends on emotional closeness with a partner. Fatigue, stress, or a fight over a trifle can ruin everything. And for many married women, sex is indeed becoming a family responsibility. And when you are worried that the child may wake up, or are irritated by the behavior of your husband, there can be no question of any excitement. Did you know that sex and household chores are very closely related?
Women have repeatedly confessed to me during sessions that they are offended and stop feeling attracted to their husbands because they refuse to help them around the house? Show this article to your husband, and let him think: is it not worth carving out some money from the family budget for an au pair and thus enjoying sex with your wife?
One of my patients told the following story: “Yes, my husband agrees to help me. But he does it as if he wants me not to ask him for anything next time. hangs up the washed laundry, then crumples it and it does not dry out for several days. And if he takes out the garbage, he will certainly drop something along the way! And then he wonders why I am so annoyed. Yes, after such help I want to kill him, and not study have sex with him! "
I advised the woman to talk to her husband. At the next reception she came in tears: “He said that even if I had a cleaning lady, nanny and a cook, I would still find an excuse to refuse sex. And I didn’t even find anything to object to him. Because, you know ... deep down, I myself am afraid that he is right! "
The point is that masculine and feminine desires are different in nature. Male libido is more dependent on testosterone levels, and sex helps men relax. This is a great way for them to relieve stress. And if a woman cannot get rid of tension and relax, she does not need any sex. Some doctors believe that young mothers are by nature programmed to avoid sex. Thus, they can pay due attention to their children.
When a relationship is just beginning, the feeling of falling in love triggers chemical processes in the body, and the desire practically does not subside - this is true for both men and women. But after a few years the passion passes, and then women begin to go to bed later, hoping that her husband will fall asleep without waiting for her.
Of course, there are exceptions. Our study involved couples who have lived together for 40 years and are in love with each other, as in the first year after marriage. And there are couples who, for decades, instead of having sex, enjoy watching movies in the evenings and eating pizza. And at the same time they feel completely happy!
Roller coaster of sexual desire
Still, perfect matches are rare. More often than not, one spouse wants more sex than the other can offer. A 38-year-old man once admitted to me that he deliberately makes his wife jealous, giving her reasons to think that he has a mistress. But all he really wants is to keep his wife's attention, and jealousy is the most effective way he could think of. Many men are now sympathetic to the fluctuations of female desire and are ready to wait a long time until she is in the right mood. But, given the current rhythm of life and stress, sometimes you have to wait a very long time. So what can be done?
Still, try to relax ...
To all patients who no longer experience arousal, I tell about the theory of American psychologists. Even if you do not feel a strong desire, Americans say, this does not mean that you will not get pleasure from sex. Just relax and let your husband give you pleasure, you will not even notice how you get involved in the process. And I want to draw your attention: the key word here is "relax". If you are annoyed, there will be no pleasure, that's for sure.
Women admit that they are offended by their husband's unwillingness to help around the house. They are so tired that they don't want anything. Show this article to your husband and let him think: isn't it worth changing your life?
But I admit right away: this method does not work for everyone. Some people take this idea with hostility: "Why should I do what I do not want?" Of course you shouldn't - this is what I say to all my patients. The main joy of sex lies precisely in the fact that it is not a duty, not a routine matter, but a free choice. Only you decide to whom and how you want to give this pleasure. And if, on reflection, you decide that you want to give it to your husband (mind you, you shouldn't, but you want to do this), even if you are tired, you will not regret it.
And here's another thing that never ceases to amaze me: how quickly relations between spouses improve if both of them take a step towards each other. Judge for yourself. Perhaps your husband does not know what is the reason for your irritation. And you do not realize that behind the insistent demands of sex is not at all the desire of your husband to finally torment you. He wants to get your attention, to remind you that he is the man you have chosen and that you were once delighted with. He just doesn't know any other way, because men are not very resourceful, you know.
What to do?
Put yourself in his place
Understand that a man needs more than just physical sex, he needs contact with his beloved woman, he needs to feel connected. Imagine what it would be like to be rejected all the time. Of course, there are good reasons for refusal (children, fatigue, stress at work, etc.), but it still hurts.
If sex has become more rare, try at least in all possible ways to make it clear to the man that he is still dear to you. Try to convey to him the idea that all this is temporary, you are just having a difficult period, but as soon as it passes, everything will work out.
Just agree
Perhaps the theory of American psychologists will really help you in practice - try it. In the end, it's up to you to agree or disagree.
But if you do not feel the desire for more than two months and there are no objective reasons for this, then you should consult a doctor and get tested. It is possible that the decrease in desire was caused by medical difficulties, and this problem is easy to fix.
Schedule a time
Yes, to many people the idea of planning sex seems absurd, but think: if you want to redo everything, then where is the time for pleasure? Try deliberately unloading your Saturday afternoon. Don't wash the floors, don't cook complicated dishes, but watch a good movie with your husband and children. And let you have dumplings for dinner, but by the evening you will not be exhausted, like a squeezed lemon. And you will have both strength and time for pleasure. Your husband will appreciate it.
Viagra for women?
Many companies are busy developing a miracle cure for women. But the funds that increase the blood flow to the genitals have practically no effect on women. What could help is the hormone testosterone. In almost half of women, desire decreases precisely because of the lack of this hormone. But, of course, before taking medication, you need to consult a doctor and get tested.
Discussion
I think that I am not from the world of women's experiences. Or I was lucky with a man and love in the full sense of the word. Love is not subject to any problems. These little things called "life" go along different roads with feelings. And only feelings lead us, not "everyday life". I never have a feeling of fatigue. THIS IS LIFE! And how can you get tired of her at 30 ... 40 ... + years! And I always wanted and want to, like and liked to DROWN IN FEELINGS, and not IMMERSE INTO EVERYTHING. I never understood women with a "headache" or "I'm tired". The male age is already short ..., and then also to be indignant "oh, yes, he already has ... (such a stone is" opal "). And to whom, excuse me, claims after ??
Comment on the article "Awaken desire. What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex"
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What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. And advice will not help you in any way, because it is not too clear to me how you can not find time for sex Husband wants a threesome, as you think a hundred. Husband's touch is unpleasant. Section: Wife and husband (sex with a husband is unpleasant).
Awaken desire. What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. The husband left. I want sex scary. Section: - get-togethers (girls, what to do if my husband went on watch and I want sex).
Awaken desire. What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. And when you are worried that the child may wake up, or are irritated by the behavior of your husband, there can be no question of any excitement.
Advise what to do when you feel a desire for several women, while you really love them and look forward to meeting them? I am a very temperamental person and I think that it prevents me from living. I read somewhere that Freud advises directing sexual energy to ...
What to do? Family life has not been going well with her husband for a long time. Sex is very rare, and I'm big. Therefore, she must understand herself what she does not want: a husband or sex. And then as in the joke What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. My husband must be honest ...
The husband wants, I want. But the impression is that the sphincter has become much tighter. Even finger penetration is sometimes painful. Once we tried everything - I thought sparks would fall from my eyes - it hurt so much. Awaken desire. What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex.
Awaken desire. What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. This means that the level of sexual desires for almost half of married couples does not match. Can you imagine how much it is?
There is sex with this very husband, and when everyone is trying, everything seems to be going well and what to do if you understand that you want to simply surrender yourself to someone who is not yours. I want to feel like a desirable woman. Just don't say that if your husband wants you ...
What to do if a woman is indifferent to sex. Lost interest in sex :-(. (I'm 42 years old. What to do? There is no age reason for it to go at 40-42. And at 45 and 50 and 55 women want affection and sex and get a lot from him 42 wonderful age for sex!
And what, should we men do if we want to? And the wife is here, nothing at all, I just want to stick it into another woman by nature, try her, but she doesn't marry, and she doesn't even get to know her, just to fuck, this is a dream, this is the call of nature, but this is not love what to do? to endure? but in one ...
Keith Hewitt Ignite the fire of desire novel
Inherited by Ferranti
Inherited by Ferranti © 2016 by Kate Hewitt
"Kindle the fire of desire" © "Tsentrpoligraf", 2017
© Translation and publication in Russian, Tsentrpoligraf, 2017
Her wedding is tomorrow. Sierra Rossi nervously clenched her fists as she noticed the hem of a lush wedding dress peeking out from behind a closet door. Everything is correct. This is her only way out.
Palermo fell asleep in the silence of a hot summer night. Outside the window was a dark garden belonging to her father, the owner of a villa on Via Marinai. The leaves of the plane trees did not move - not the slightest breath of breeze! The silence was such that the girl felt uncomfortable, and she tried to get rid of the sudden ominous sensation. She made her choice.
For tonight's dinner, her parents invited Marco Ferranti, the man she was planning to marry. The conversation at the table proceeded naturally, Marco did not take his eyes off her all evening. You have to rely on this man, the girl told herself. Tomorrow she will take an oath of allegiance, a promise to love, respect and obey her husband. And put his life in his hands.
Sierra knew the value of obedience well and prayed that Marco would really be a kind person. All three months of courtship, he was delicate and patient, never pressed on her, except, perhaps, the case when, on one of the evening walks, he showed persistence and kissed her under a shady plane tree. This kiss embarrassed and agitated her.
The thought that she had only kissed her fiancé a few times in her nineteen years caused another nervous spasm. Sierra was completely inexperienced in what should have happened on their wedding night, but Marco, interrupting his breathtaking kiss under the plane tree, promised her then that he would do everything very tenderly.
And she believed. I wanted to believe. It was a manifestation of her will, a step towards a secure future, towards freedom. And yet ... With an unseeing gaze, the girl looked at the darkening garden, and doubt crept into her heart as an insidious snake. Did she really know her fiancé? When Sierra first saw him in the palazzo of her father's house, a cat - one of those who lived in the kitchen - came up to Marco and began to rub against his leg. Bending down, he gently stroked her, and the cat purred contentedly, clinging even closer to his leg. In such a case, her father would have gotten rid of the obsessive animal with a rude kick, and he would have ordered all newborn kittens to be drowned. And Marco showed kindness, not knowing that he was being watched. When Sierra saw this scene, hope was born in her heart.
She knew that her parents approved of her marriage to Marco, and was not so naive as not to understand that it was the firm hand of her father who directed her fiancé to her. But she believed that she herself made the choice and was in control of her destiny.
On that first evening, her father introduced Marco to her, and after a while she accepted his invitation to dinner. He courted very nicely, was always courteous, even gentle. Sierra did not fall in love with him, she was not interested in this false and dangerous feeling. But she so desperately wanted to leave her father's house! And marriage to Marco Ferranti provided that opportunity ... if only she could really rely on him. Tomorrow, when the vows are pronounced and their bedroom door closes, she will find out ...
"God help me!" Sierra clenched her fingers convulsively as a cold wave of fear swept over her again. Will she really do it? How can she refuse? To back down now is to incur the wrath of your father. Apparently, she can never be truly free. But is there any other way out for a girl of nineteen, who grew up in a strict home environment, in isolation from society?
Her father’s voice came from below. And although Sierra could not distinguish the words, her heart sank with anxiety. Then she heard Marco say something softly to his father, but she could not make out his words either. She liked his voice immediately, on the very first day of meeting. Sierra was attracted by his smile, especially when the corner of his mouth, trembling, slowly rose and his whole face lit up with joy. The groom worked for her father and was just as powerful and charming.
Barely controlling herself, Sierra slipped out of the bedroom and walked silently to the central staircase, stepping barefoot on the marble floor. She saw two men standing in the foyer and froze in place, listening.
- I am glad that you will enter our family. You will become my real son.
Arturo Rossi was full of grandeur and charm.
- I'm very happy about that.
Sierra heard his father pat Marco on the back, laughing good-naturedly. She knew this fake laugh well.
- Great, Marco. I hope you know how to handle the Sierra. Any woman requires a firm hand. Be harsh with her, otherwise she will think too much of herself. The words were disgusting, but terribly familiar. Father, as always, was absolutely confident in himself.
All the muscles in her body tensed in anticipation of Marco's response.
“Don't worry, signor,” said her fiancé. “I know how to handle her.
Sierra pressed her back against the wall, horrified. "I know how to handle her." Does he think the same as her father ?! That she is some kind of animal that needs to be taught obedience and obedience?
“Of course you do,” Arturo Rossi replied with satisfaction. “I don’t doubt you, Marco, because I myself chose you as my daughter’s husband.
“You have done me the honor, sir.
- Dad, Marco. You can call me dad.
Looking over the edge of the platform, Sierra saw the two men embrace. Then, after patting Marco on the back again, his father retired to the side of his office.
Sierra looked at Marco. A faint smile wandered over his lips, his firm chin was slightly unshaven, and his silvery gray eyes framed long lashes. Her fiancé took off his jacket, tousling his hair slightly as he did so, and loosened his tie. He looked tired and incredibly courageous. Sexy.
But there was nothing sexy in his words. There was nothing attractive about a man who believed that a woman needed to rule. Her heart sank with fear, and from somewhere from within, anger began to rise. Anger at Marco Ferranti for sharing her father's thoughts, and anger at himself for being so naive. She was sure that she herself had chosen the groom, but only now she realized how skillfully she had been manipulated. A woman needs to rule... Apparently Marco is as fake as her father.
- Sierra? - Marco's silvery-gray eyes shot up, and one eyebrow raised when he saw her peering over the railing. He smiled, and a dimple appeared on his cheek. When Sierra first saw this dimple, Marco seemed to her a gentle and kind person. How naive she was, believing that she herself was in control of her life! Her naivete bordering on stupidity. - What are you hiding there? He asked with a wave of his hand.
“I…” Sierra licked her dry lips. Thoughts were confused, and she could not utter a word. Marco's terrible and insulting words sounded in my ears: "I know how to handle her."
He glanced at his watch.
- It's already past midnight, so formally I shouldn't see you. Today is our wedding day.
Wedding day. In just a few hours, she will marry this man. And he will take an oath to obey him all his life ...
"I know how to handle her."
It was not like that. From now on and forever. The thought that she had chosen her own destiny seemed ludicrous to her now. How did she manage to deceive herself for so long?
For some reason, it so happened that after a long relationship or life together, men lose interest in their partner and exchange her for beer, friends and fishing. How to deal with the sexual laziness of a loved one?
Of course, complete sexual harmony cannot be achieved overnight or in the evening. Sometimes it takes years of common life to stir up some new feelings in your soul mate. The hardest thing is for partners to get rid of their sexual habits, which become the cause of sexual apathy and laziness. Therefore, you should collect your thoughts, be patient and take as much time as possible to turn sex in the desired direction.
How to stir up a sexually lazy man? First of all, turn on your fantasy and remember what was lacking in your relationship with your husband, in particular, sexually. Change should not begin with cardinal transformations, but with the improvement of what your couple has at this time. Every time try to diversify your sex with some novelties. You will see, the man will not remain indifferent to this. And after a while, fishing and friends will fade into the background.
Image is everything!
As practice shows, a change in wardrobe and appearance has a positive effect on the attitude of a man to a woman. To be different is the motto of modern women. Today you are a romantic blonde, tomorrow you are a passionate brunette, and a month later you are a red-haired coquette. And your beloved no longer stares at neighbors and bright girlfriends, but only waits for the right moment to pull you into bed. Be creative. Try to update your wardrobe as often as possible and please your man.
With sports in life
Are you trying to escape from everyday problems? Take up your favorite sport. Even better - extreme sports. The release of adrenaline not only invigorates and rejuvenates, but also ignites fire, if not fire, passion. Conquering together mountain peaks, water elements, desert plains and air spaces, you will forget about common problems and feel like accomplices of something wild, fiery, crazy. Diving, skydiving, kiting and horse riding, delta and paragliding will help you to refresh your senses.
Water procedures
Sexologists have proven that taking a bath not only gives rest and renews strength, but also significantly improves your sex life. Take a bath or shower with your partner, or better yet, a jacuzzi, or steam together in the sauna. If you are aiming to take a bath, be sure to use special foam. It is better to buy it in sex shops, since this foam contains special oils and also contains aphrodisiacs. Do not start love games right away! First, soak up the bath, give each other an erotic body massage, and then ...
Bedtime story
Erotic films (mind you, not pornographic!) Are very good at warming up the feeling and desire. You can buy several of these films and put a TV in your bedroom to watch from time to time. The illustrations from the Kama Sutra influence the psyche even better. To diversify your sex and improve the experience of it, review with your husband pictures from the ancient book of love, try to remember and use some of the positions from it.
Everybody is dancing!
Have you noticed that your evenings have become boring and gray? Don't hesitate! Sign up with your loved one for Latin American dances. They will not leave indifferent even the most reserved and conservative men. Once you have learned these dances, try to practice them at home with your partner. Rumba, swing, tango will take your relationship to a whole new level. Also, it will not hurt you to sign up for erotic dances and amaze your beloved with your skill of smooth and plastic body movements.
Create a holiday!
Remember some of your common date: the day of your wedding or acquaintance, your first sex. This will be a good reason for a romantic dinner. Set the table and decorate it with figurines or figurines that will remind you of the pleasant events in your common life. Prepare aphrodisiac foods (pineapple, seafood, herbs and salads) and buy a bottle of good champagne. Candles that will kindle your feelings and desires will not be superfluous.
Weekend tours
Psychologists say that traveling to unfamiliar places acts like a magic elixir for couples going through a certain crisis in the relationship. It doesn't matter where you spend the weekend, it is important that you only belong to each other. Travel through the Carpathian Mountains, the Crimean coast, Shatsk lakes. Or, if you don't have enough time to plan your route yourself, contact a travel agency. The travel agency specialists will pick you up a romantic cruise, a three-day hiking trip, and a trip to European cities. Everything your heart desires!
Mikhail Koryakin, urologist-andrologist of the Treatment and Rehabilitation Center of the Ministry of Health, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor answers:
This is understandable: in women, the level of testosterone (the hormone responsible for sexual desire) is at least 10 times less than in men. This hormone, by the way, is also responsible for endurance, strength, large muscle mass, that is, typically male characteristics. But I strongly advise against using drugs with testosterone to increase libido, even in the form of gels for external use. This is not harmless!
A pharmacologically increased level of the male sex hormone in the female body will inevitably lead to a masculine change in appearance: a mustache and beard will begin to grow, the skin will become rough and greasy, the voice will be lower, etc. Moreover, an excess of testosterone in a woman will block the menstrual cycle and lead to infertility. Therefore, consider more harmless ways to increase your sex drive.
1. Erotic fantasies
Books with a playful storyline, with descriptions of juicy details, as well as beautiful films about love can push you to want to repeat on-screen romance in your life, and activate sexual desire.
Our advice: modern TV series “Masters of Sex”, “Call Girl”, “Say You Love Me”, as well as classics - films “Eyes Wide Shut” and “9 and a half weeks”.
2. Regular sports
Exercise will slightly increase your body's testosterone levels. It is not for nothing that all athletes have a higher level of this hormone than other women. This is a scientific fact. But that doesn't mean you have to lift a barbell or throw a cannonball. Regular fitness is fine. Choose what you like - swimming, dancing, aerobics, etc. So the figure will be more toned, which is also important for sex appeal.
3. Aromatherapy
Although smells as such cannot cause attraction and encourage active sexual activity (contrary to advertising!), Pleasant scents in the bedroom will set you in a romantic mood and raise your mood. And by the way, do not forget to give your man the perfume that you like most.
4. SPA treatments
A warm bath relaxes, relieves fatigue and stress, which will not hurt before love marathons. Hydromassage, in particular the impact of a directed shower jet on certain parts of the body, can be quite arousing. So you can experiment in the shower while your husband is waiting for you in bed and come back prepared. Or take a shower or a bath together.
5. Proper nutrition, attention to your health
Do not forget to regularly visit not only the female doctor, but also other specialists, including the dentist. Any discomfort distracts, disturbs, and inhibits sexual desire.
6. Male compliments
It is known that a man loves with his eyes, and a woman with his ears. As often as possible, provoke men to admire you, talk about how beautiful you are. Affectionate words, attention, assurances of love, compliments (and often even outright flattery) can awaken passion. The realization that you are desirable triggers a reciprocal desire.
7. Sunbathing
Ultraviolet rays affect the skin and lead to the production of vitamin D and, as a result, testosterone. But the tan should be light. Excess sun leads to aging of the skin and can trigger the development of melanoma.
8. Adequate sleep
A woman usually needs more sleep than a man. Therefore, you should not skimp on sleep in order to bake pies for your beloved, clean the apartment, iron all the clothes, etc. If a man in this regard is a more rude being and can want to anytime and anywhere, then women are more gentle and demanding.
9. Impact on erogenous zones
For many women, this area is the neck. Pendant earrings can be used to target this area and increase sexual desire. Others are aroused by the gentle touch of the breast. In general, all human skin is a sexual organ. And even more so for a woman. It is no coincidence that in women, the touch of strangers causes rejection and irritation.
10. A little wine
Alcohol makes girls more free, liberated, reduces control over behavior. The main thing in this business is not to overdo it, no one has yet been aroused by a woman drunk in the trash. But a glass of red or white at dinner is only good.