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How children see their drunken parents. Children of alcoholics: will the child become a drunkard when he grows up. Behavior of children in drinking families

Introduction

Alcoholic (dysfunctional) families are breeding grounds for the development of addictions and a variety of problems, in the occurrence of which traumatic childhood events are important. Therefore, dysfunctional families are called unhealthy, and functional families are called healthy. We have previously made a comparison between healthy and unhealthy families. A special case of a dysfunctional family is a family in which one parent is sick with alcoholism, and the other parent suffers from codependency. Using the example of such families, we will consider the features of the emotional development of children.

THE SYSTEM OF EMOTIONAL COORDINATES OF THE DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

Grow up, it's hard to grow up. Growing up in an alcoholic home can be unbearably difficult. Millions of adult men and women grew up in alcohol-driven families. Millions of children still live in such families, if you can call it life. My experience with children of alcoholics makes me agree with Cermak T.L., who compared the trauma of children in these families to the traumatic experience of war veterans known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This syndrome occurs in war veterans when they begin to adjust to a peaceful life after the war. Children of alcoholics endure stress comparable to the loss of a loved one.

B.E. Robinson compared the alcoholic family to a psychological battlefield. Children are often forced to choose which side to fight on - on the side of mom or dad. Sometimes the front line runs between parents and children.

It often happens that it is easier for a child to get along with a drinking parent and more difficult - with a soberly living second parent suffering from codependency. Codependent parents are often annoyed and tired of this battle. They are anxious, nervous, and stressed by their spouse's behavior. Unconsciously, parents transmit these feelings to their children. The slightest offense of children is enough for the codependent parent to get irritated, upset, saddened.

Some parents try to suppress and hide their true feelings from their children. Inevitably, this leads to an explosion of negative feelings. Children do not understand these expressions of emotion. Eight-year-old Tolik reported with bewilderment: "And our mother is always scolding."

Codependent parents are desperately struggling to keep the family healthy. They are so absorbed in tidying up their house that it drains all their psychic energy and one spark is enough to cause an explosion again. Then they can demonstrate an indifferent attitude towards children: "Do what you want, just leave me alone." All attention is absorbed by the patient with alcoholism, the whole life in the house revolves around him, around his problems. And children feel abandoned, unwanted, unloved.

FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S EMOTIONAL SPHERE

Low self-esteem

A child's self-esteem, worth, giftedness and uniqueness develops only if the parents give him as much attention as the child needs. The attention that the sons and daughters of alcoholic parents received was mixed with toxic emotions. The child is little praised and criticized a lot. Words and hints are interpreted by the child as negative self-images.

· I am not a very important person.

· I constantly get underfoot.

· I bring problems and difficulties to others.

I am not attractive.

· I am very noisy or quiet or clumsy (hereinafter whatever).

· I am not smart, I am dumb.

· I cannot do anything properly.

· I cannot be trusted with anything.

· I am selfish and demand too much.

· They don't like me.

· I am unwanted, unnecessary.

Even one or two of these beliefs is enough for a child to develop low self-esteem, since these messages come from the most significant persons - parents or persons who replace them.

Errors

In healthy, functional families, mistakes are allowed. Overcoming mistakes helps growth and development. Family members encourage both adults and children to explore unfamiliar sides of life. All family members take responsibility for their actions.

In healthy families, children develop a sense of belonging to the family because they feel positive cohesion, the close attachment of family members to each other. And at the same time, in a healthy family, individual differences are respected and valued.

Children of alcoholics see themselves through the cloudy glass of their parent's view of the world. Mistakes in the alcoholic family are simply prohibited. Alcohol washes away and dissolves the self-respect of a person, of all family members. Children do not know if they have ground under their feet. They cannot stand firmly on their own two feet, because their roots (parental family) are sick and weak.

Uncertainty, not only about tomorrow, but also about what will happen tonight, makes children little soldier-sentries. Children need to stand guard to be ready to face challenges and to protect themselves. They fight bravely to overcome a fundamentally insurmountable problem. The unpredictability of family events is the only constant and predictable characteristic of such families.

In alcoholic families, if there is cohesion, it is negative cohesion, mixed with criticism, violence, inconsistency, denial and excessive stress. Survival is possible there, but at what cost? Survival replaces life, growth and development. Survival is not life. The child's personal growth stops. There is a fixation on their feelings of inadequacy, humiliation.

Completion of cases

In healthy families, parents constantly pay attention to the work that the child does and completes. At the same time, parents' expectations are realistic, praise and support are constant. Parents give a sense of leadership in the child's life and at the same time allow him to feel like an independent person.

In alcoholic families, the completed affairs of the child receive recognition and praise depending on the mood of the parents and on the condition of the alcoholic parent. Criticism is constant, not encouragement. Along with the fumes of alcohol in the house, possible insults and violence - physical, emotional, sexual - hang in the air. Expectations are determined by the blood alcohol level of the sick family member.

Negation

The family ignores alcoholism and considers such irresponsible behavior of an alcoholic permissible. Denial as a form of psychological defense helps to cope with pain. The "family secret" is protected by masks and carefully chosen words in conversation. While it helps the family survive, denial also supports the continued existence of alcoholism.

The codependent, that is, the soberly living parent, pretends to the children that nothing special is happening and insists that the children perceive reality in this way. “Oh, your father is not an alcoholic. He just works hard and allows himself to relax. "

The parent denies what the child sees with his own eyes. The child is confused, he begins to distrust reality. Children are forced to suppress their suspicions and minimize their feelings about the drinking parent: "Since my mother said so, then everything is not so bad as it seemed to me." Until the age of nine, children predominantly perceive the world through the eyes of their parents. They doubt and deny their own perceptions. Then they get used to lying to their peers, denying what is happening in the family.

Outwardly, on the visible stage, children appear to be normal. Boys and girls try to be who they should be in the mind of their parents - a sign, a hallmark of the non-existent well-being of the family. Such families are called facade families. Outside everything is fine, but inside is a nightmare. Hell is becoming a habitual situation.

Anger

Anger is the most common emotion in children that occurs as a reaction to a parent's alcoholism. Expression, manifestation of anger is usually forbidden for children, although adults allow themselves to be angry. True, adults rarely serve as a healthy model for expressing anger. And the child has no one to learn this from. The child knows that it is wrong to be angry, it is wrong. He often hides his anger behind a fake smile. Later, this can lead to poverty of the senses. As E. Fromm wrote, “At first the child refuses to express his feelings, and ultimately - from the feelings themselves” (p.203). ...

A child's anger can arise for a number of reasons. This is the refusal of parents to support the child during an argument, betrayal, double messages ("I love you. Get out of here, do not get underfoot.") Often parents do not fulfill their promises. If one parent is cruel to the child, and the other sees it and does not protect, then the child perceives the situation as a betrayal. A drunk parent can break toys or spoil other things that are dear to the child. The child may react to the destruction of his property with anger and even rage. Under these feelings lie pain, sadness, bitterness of existence.

Depression

Children with alcoholism reliably more often describe their childhood as unhappy compared to children of non-alcoholic parents. In adulthood, they are twice as likely to suffer from depression than children of non-alcoholic parents. Depression is a lifelong legacy, although it often occurs only intermittently. The good news is that not all adult children are depressed. Children, whose parents are being treated for alcoholism and achieve long-term abstinence from alcohol, clearly feel better.

Fear

Fear, bad feelings also become habitual feelings. The unpredictability of parental expectations and responses creates a palpable fear of the unknown. Will your father come sober today? Will mom yell at dad? Why will they scold me today?

Fear of parental anger almost never goes away in children. Anger in alcoholic families is generally incomprehensible, it is meaningless and constant. All the time someone is yelling at someone, and someone is blaming someone. Sometimes family members beat each other.

Looking at all this, the child learns to avoid confrontation, so as not to add anything to the constantly boiling cauldron.

Guilt

Children in alcoholic families often feel guilty and responsible for the parent's drinking. Some even believe that because of him, the child, the parent is drinking. “If I were a good girl, my dad would not drink,” said five-year-old Anya. She thought that if she tried very hard and finally became a "good girl", then the end of drunkenness would come. So she nourished her hope. This saved her from despair. Children often think that they are able to contain the parent's drunkenness.

As adults, children continue to feel guilty almost constantly. This feeling easily arises in a variety of circumstances. If someone blames them, then they willingly take the blame at their own expense. Adult children of alcoholics enter the doctor's or boss's office with a ready-made phrase on their lips, "Excuse me."

Some adults feel guilty for thinking in childhood: "It would be better if my father died, then all this would stop right away." Some feel guilty for what they did, maybe hitting the parent. Feelings of guilt can replace feelings of anger. And that guilt is lighter than anger?

In the chaotic home of an alcoholic, few things are safe, secure, or controllable. You can't trust mom and dad. Daily life is unpredictable, painful feelings are repressed and suppressed. Children in alcoholic families spend a lot of energy just to be, to exist, to survive.

Embarrassment and isolation

Ten-year-old Misha often complained to the school psychologist that the guys make fun of his father when they see him drunk. This was very embarrassing for Misha. Therefore, he did not play with the guys, he isolated himself from his peers just at the time when they became a close friendly company. Misha's ability to make friends was limited. Only Petya understood him, because Petya's father was also an alcoholic.

A common history with children of alcoholics. Children hide the drunkenness of their father or mother, avoid inviting friends to their house. Natasha's father once came to school drunk. He fell in front of the entire class. The guys giggled and watched him with interest. Natasha was very embarrassed, became so shy that she spoke in a whisper. She was very ashamed of her father. She closed herself off, was not friends with anyone.

Many children in such families build invisible walls around themselves, live more in dreams and fantasies than in the real world. They seem to encapsulate their feelings and do not open this capsule until they are thirty or forty years old.

Grief, loss

The question arises: “Can the children of alcoholics with such a difficult emotional experience become the complete opposite of their parents? Can they build a functional family? "

Anton Petrovich, 34 years old, said: “Since I grew up in an alcoholic family, I wanted to be completely different from my parents. I passionately wanted to have a healthy family of my own, perhaps because I never had one. I never felt like a part of my family. This is what I wanted most of all. If I lived in a normal family, it probably wouldn't be so important to me. "

Grief in children with alcoholism can manifest itself at different levels. The absence of a normal family in a child can give a feeling of loss, grief, lost childhood. In the future, this feeling can visit a person from time to time. Remember the words of A.P. Chekhova: "As a child, I did not have a childhood"? The loss of a carefree, joyful childhood can be the cause of grief, a 5-stage psychological process described by E. Kubler-Ross.

Until puberty, the child is not clearly aware of the process of grieving over the loss of a parent, physical or psychological loss (“the father drowned in guilt”). Then this feeling interferes with the development of identity in the adolescent, the awareness of himself as a unique person with a sense of his own dignity and worth. Unresolved feelings of grief and loss can darken life and interfere with building your family.

POISONOUS MESSAGES FROM THE COUNTRY OF CHILDHOOD

With what ideas about themselves children of alcoholics enter adulthood?

They have learned at least four poisonous messages:

1. I cannot do anything properly;

2. I cannot think correctly;

3. I cannot trust anyone except myself;

4. I don't have to feel or express my feelings.

THE BEGINNING OF RECOVERY

Psychotherapy of adult children of alcoholic parents can begin with a discussion of the feelings that the person experienced in childhood and which they are experiencing now. Previously, they rarely managed to express their feelings in a confidential, confidential atmosphere. Adult children of alcoholic parents may be offered the following exercise in one of the initial therapy sessions. This is just the beginning. The therapy is long-term. The results can be positive and significant.

Reviewing Past Experience Exercise

Read the list below.

You begin to recover when you value all your past experiences. Perhaps in the past you have had emotional deprivation - some feelings prevailed and did not allow others to break through. Emotional deprivation delays personality growth.

Relax. Make yourself comfortable. Read the list below and ask yourself for each item, "Have I experienced fear of rejection?" "Have I had any difficulty in achieving intimate relationships?" Mark with the icon those experiences that relate to your past life. You will find that some of the above are relevant to you and some are not. Don't just feel guilty. If some feelings, experiences, problems that are important to you are not included in the list, just add them.

Fear of rejection

Difficulty reaching close relationships (intimacy)

Mistrust

Tension

Sharp mood swings

Low self-esteem, lack of self-esteem

Bulimia (overeating) anorexia nervosa (refusal to eat)

Alcoholism in yourself or in someone you care about

Lie at home

Addiction to experiencing delight, excitement

Addiction

Casual sex or other sexual abuse

Manifestations of violence on their part or observation of violence from significant loved ones

Excessive responsibility or excessive irresponsibility

Excessive reactions to something or excessive indifference

Impulsiveness

Tendency to criticize, judge others

Inability to relax

The need to control others

The need to receive praise and support, approval

Compulsive (almost violent) behavior in oneself or in significant loved ones (overeating, striving for super-achievements at any cost, smoking, substance abuse).

Now you are more aware of some of your psychological characteristics that can create problems in your life.

Being aware of your problems is a very important part of healing.

The opportunity to discuss some of these issues in a group therapy setting brings relief and hope for healing.

Bibliography

1. Moskalenko V.D. Adult children with addictions - a group of multiple risk // Mental health. - 2006, No. 5 (5). - P.61-67.

2. Fromm E. Escape from freedom. / M .: "Progress". - 1990.271 p.

3. Black C. Children of alcoholics as Youngsters-Adolescents - Adults / New York: Ballantine Books. - 1981. - 203 p.

4 Robinson B.E. Working with Children of Alcoholics. D.C. Health and Company / Lexington, Massachusetts / Toronto: Lexington Books. - 1989. - 253 P.

5. Cermak T.L. A primer on adult children of alcoholics. Pompano Beach, Florida: Health Communications. - 1985.

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The further health of the child is laid even during the formation of the germ cells of his parents. Intrauterine development and childbirth also affect health. What habits his parents adhere to, how they behave during pregnancy and childbirth, leaves an imprint on the entire future life of a person.

It's no secret what a negative effect tobacco and alcohol have on a child's health. Wine alcohols affect the reproductive cells of the parents, the condition of the fetus and is the cause of sick and weak offspring. And yet there is a possibility that the baby will be born healthy. However, in this case, the environment will leave an imprint on its further development. A child who is brought up in an unhealthy and traumatic environment is doomed to many psychological problems in the future, which will interfere with his full life. Parents' drunkenness never leaves a trace, traumatizes either health, or psyche, or both. Thus, the child's health is influenced by two main factors: socio-psychological and biological.

Alcohol can destroy the health and psyche of a person at any stage of development. This toxic substance causes many irreversible disturbances in the body and cripples a person. And if adult alcoholics doom themselves to such an existence, then what are their children to blame? Let us consider such urgent problems as diseases of the offspring of alcohol-dependent parents and the further life of children of chronic alcoholics.

Even many centuries ago, when medicine did not achieve such results as it is now, the famous scientist Hippocrates wrote that drunkenness is the cause of the sickness and weakness of children. And he was absolutely right. Nowadays, when studied in detail, many negative consequences of alcoholism have been revealed, which are manifested in their children. The harmful effect of alcohol on the body and its toxic effect is difficult to underestimate. In fact, alcohol can ruin a child's entire life.

Many studies show that the most detrimental effect on a child is family alcoholism. Most scientists even consider alcoholism to be a familial disease. The famous American researcher Goodwin, who devoted his life to the study of alcoholism, argued that, despite the familial nature of alcoholism, it still cannot be considered a hereditary disease. Most often, alcoholism is not caused by heredity, but by improper upbringing in the family.

The negative impact on the child begins with the combination of a drunk sperm and a drunk egg, during the formation of the fetus. And if the father participates only in conception, then the mother carries the child for all 9 months. Therefore, it is bad for the health of the unborn child when his father drinks, but the mother's drunkenness is a hundred times worse. For example, it has already been proven that every sixth child who was conceived while drunk is born dead. In Brazil, there is even a special definition - "children of the carnival." Such a phenomenon is also found in ancient mythology: the only defective and ugly god of Olympus, Hephaestus, was conceived by Zeus in a drunken state.

It has been proven that a drinking mother cannot give birth to a healthy child. In the 20th century, a number of experiments were carried out: more than 3 thousand women who were treated in hospitals for chronic alcoholism were subjected to various health studies. The results were disappointing:

  • in 795 surveyed women, menopause was detected ahead of time;
  • 545 of them suffered from menstrual irregularities;
  • about 400 patients were found to have various cardiovascular diseases;
  • 319 women had diseases of the gastrointestinal tract;
  • 328 women were diagnosed with liver disease and about the same number suffered from diseases of the genitourinary system.

Thus, more than 80 percent of the women studied suffered from various diseases and somatic disorders. Obviously, such women cannot have full-fledged offspring and become good mothers. And this is given that the health of women of childbearing age was studied. About half of them started drinking regularly at the age of 20, while the rest suffered from alcoholism from childhood, and acquired this dependence from their drinking relatives.

Despite the fact that the direct inheritance of alcoholism has not yet been proven, most children in drinking families have various deviations and pathologies. These deviations in the development of children are not only dangerous to health, but can also contribute to the emergence of alcohol dependence in the future. This is the result of pathologies of the central nervous system, which are manifested in the inconsistency of mood, increased irritability and irascibility, emotional instability. If a child who was born in a drinking family tries alcohol, then it will be difficult for him to refuse it, because it improves his constantly bad mood and well-being, helps to forget about problems.

The situation is no better with mentally disabled children, who are often born in such families. By nature, they are very susceptible to outside influence, easily obey the opinion of others, do not have "brakes". Such children quickly fall under the negative influence of companies in the yard, start drinking and smoking early to be like everyone else and not be different, and become real alcoholics.

Mothers who suffer from often have children with more serious disorders of the central nervous system: seizures, epilepsy.

Large studies were carried out back in the 19th century by the French psychiatrist Morel. He studied 4 generations of hereditary alcoholics and came to the conclusion that alcohol is the cause of the degeneration of the genus. Already in the first generation of a drinking family, a significant decrease in morals was observed, and already in the fourth generation, children suffered from mental retardation and other pathologies.

Effects of alcohol on infants

For quick and reliable getting rid of alcoholism, our readers advise the drug "Alkobarrier". It is a natural remedy that blocks alcohol cravings, causing a persistent aversion to alcohol. In addition, the Alkobarrier launches regenerative processes in the organs, which alcohol began to destroy. The tool has no contraindications, the effectiveness and safety of the drug has been proven by clinical studies at the Research Institute of Narcology.

The effect of alcohol on a child is many times greater and more dangerous than on an adult. The same alcoholism at an early age develops faster and with more severe consequences. And the sooner the child becomes addicted to alcoholic beverages, the worse. Alcoholism can appear even in infancy and is transmitted through the milk of a drinking mother. Moreover, some mothers who do not suffer from alcoholism, due to their ignorance, can give their child alcohol with food, so that he would be calmer. For example, in the past, babies were given a crumb of bread dipped in beer, as it had a calming and soporific effect on the baby.

Very young children are so susceptible to alcohol that it can enter their bodies even through their skin. In medicine, there are cases when a small child was given compresses and rubbing with alcohol and, as a result, he suffered from severe problems.

At school age, children of alcoholics have increased fatigue, frequent headaches, sleep disturbances, night fears and nightmares. They are fearful, constantly tense, emotionally unstable, and often in a bad mood. Many children suffer from physical impairments. Children from drinking families find it difficult to concentrate on one thing, they often suffer from dementia of varying severity. Therefore, it is not easy for them to study, communicate with peers and live a normal life.

Children of alcoholics are often conflicted, stubborn, do not make contact, prone to inappropriate actions. It is not uncommon for them to leave home at an early age, start drinking alcohol early and lead an unhealthy lifestyle.

The situation in the family also influences the appearance of early alcoholism. They are constantly present and see their parents drinking alcoholic beverages. So, consciously and unconsciously, a child becomes involved in alcoholism and perceives it not as a bad habit or disease, but as a normal phenomenon, sometimes even necessary for life. A child, observing the behavior of his parents, who are the most dear people to him, begins to perceive their behavior as a standard, inherits and imitates their way of life. It is not surprising that in such families, children often experience early alcoholism, and the first drink is given to them by the mother or father.

Often in such dysfunctional families, the child does not eat well and does not receive enough vitamins, which are needed for his full development. As a result, he cannot fully develop, his immunity decreases, and infectious diseases often occur.

Alcoholism of parents and its effect on children

Parents are always pleased to notice their own “I” in the behavior of their children: well, the spitting image of a dad (or mom, depending on the situation). "Calca" in the behavior of children of drinking parents is not always a reason for joy.

Parental alcoholism more often has a direct impact on children, and they suffer more from this as adults.

The impaired psychological development of children needs the intervention of their elders, since psychological "imbalances" in childhood can leave serious consequences for the rest of their lives.

A disturbed psyche keeps the child in constant tension, pushes him to actions condemned in society, such as constant lies. Over time, the child notices that he has been used as a "stabilizer" that can curb the parent's appetite for alcohol. But something did not work and the "contacts" with the glass only intensified, and the attitude towards the child remained at "zero". Or, on the contrary, he was pestered with excessive attention.

Thus, alcoholism through the eyes of children represents reality with significant refractions. It is not initially perceived as in adults - a way to relax, "pour" grief in vodka, etc. Moreover, alcohol directly affects the mental development of the child, which is actively manifested during school years and remains for life.

Mental retardation, retarded mental development of children and other consequences of family drunkenness are too expensive a price to pay for the parents' alcoholism.

Behavior of children in drinking families

It is known that children of alcoholics in later life choose one of the following types of behavior:

  1. "Heroic Nature". The child takes on the role of parent and takes on all the chores they cannot handle. Becoming the master of the house at an early age, the child loses his childhood, which negatively affects his psychological development.
  2. "Soaring in the Clouds". Such a child runs away from all problems in an imaginary world, as he is uncomfortable in real life. He does not seek to solve his problems, move, develop. The main thing for him is to hide.
  3. "Extreme". The child suffers from the baseless anger of drunken parents and always remains guilty. This can cause an inferiority complex, guilt, low self-esteem, and negatively affect later life.
  4. "I can do anything." Extremely spoiled children, whose parents, in order to make amends, allow them to do whatever they want. It is very difficult for such children to live and communicate with others, since he is not brought up, is not familiar with interpersonal etiquette and correct behavior in society.

According to statistics, children in drinking families are very prone to celibacy and drug addiction. It is difficult for such children to get married, since they are not prepared for social relations and they romanticize marriage too much. As a result of the unfavorable atmosphere in the family, the child develops numerous complexes, low self-esteem, which prevents them from adapting in later life. The attempts of a child from a dysfunctional family to hide their problems and live a normal life are like a vicious circle. Only an experienced psychotherapist or psychologist can break it and find a way out. A timely visit to a specialist can correct the situation and help the alcoholic and his children live a fulfilling life.

Children receive the basis of upbringing in the family. The family forms the personality of the future person. Preschool institutions, the school that the child attends, only give additional touches to the main - family education. Children find the closest role model in the family. This is a mother, father, adult brother, sister. The Soviet teacher A. S. Makarenko, addressing his parents, wrote: “Your own behavior is the most important thing. Do not think that you are raising a child only when you talk to him, teach him or command him. You raise him at every moment of his life, even when you are not at home. How you dress, how you talk with other people and about other people, how you are happy or sad, how you treat friends or enemies, how you laugh, read the newspaper - all this is of great importance for a child ... And if you are at home are rude or boastful, or you get drunk, and even worse, if you insult your mother, you are already causing great harm to your children, you are already raising them badly and your unworthy behavior will have the most sad consequences. "

The moral and material damage inflicted on the family by a drinking father is irreparable. Indeed, in this case, significant material resources are spent on alcohol. The family's nutrition is deteriorating, which has a very difficult effect on the physical development and growth of children. Because of quarrels, scandals, drunken gatherings, children often do not sleep enough, sleep anxiously. Student performance is plummeting. So, in one of the schools it was found that the reason for the failure of students in 36% of cases was parents and in 50% - frequent drinking, gatherings of adults, seemingly innocent at first glance. The constant example of an alcoholic father, who is before the eyes of a child - rude, unrestrained, often unemployed, has a detrimental effect on the formation of the personality of a future person. Children are often ashamed of such fathers, they hide from their peers that the father drinks and is rowdy in the house, for them this is a real grief and every child reacts sharply to him.

Relationships in the family are even more difficult when the mother drinks. A drinking mother very quickly loses her maternal qualities, ceases to take care of the house, children, and goes down. The German doctor Kraepelin at the beginning of the XX century wrote that the consequences of alcoholism are not yet so terrible, since half of humanity - "women are almost not involved in." And if alcoholism spreads among women, then "our descendants will be threatened with complete death."

Unfortunately, in recent years, alcohol abuse is no longer a "privilege" of men. According to statistics, at the beginning of the 20th century, on average in economically developed countries, there were 10 women with alcoholism for every 100 male alcoholics. This ratio has now changed in many countries. For example, according to data published in 1978 in the United States, the ratio of men and women was 1: 1. A similar sad equality between the number of alcoholics men and women was achieved in England.

Alcoholism in women is more malignant than in men. Children in the families of such women see an example of the deep moral fall of the mother. Such an example can be especially scary for a growing daughter.

Researchers who have studied the causes of female alcoholism point out that in the first place is the mental trauma associated with dysfunction in personal and family life. Lack of mutual understanding, sexual dissatisfaction, a feeling of loneliness, in some cases drinking together - these are important prerequisites for the beginning of a woman's alcohol journey.

From the observations of medical scientists, it is known that women alcoholics consume significantly more alcohol than men, and chronic alcoholism develops in them much faster.

As noted above, the immaturity and instability of the nervous processes in children, the slight exhaustion of the nervous system when exposed to an unfavorable home environment contribute to the onset of diseases of the nervous system in them. The constant fear of a drunken father, scandals, fights in the house, fear for their mother makes them downtrodden, timid, insecure. Often in alcoholic families, children grow up vicious, vengeful, deceitful and hypocritical. In family fights and scandals, they are undeservedly offended, and they, trying to protect themselves, become bitter over time and act with the same methods. In such families, children are often seriously injured. Children are sometimes brought to children's departments of hospitals with fractures, burns, concussion and other injuries due to the carelessness of their parents, who are busy with quarrels among themselves. It also happens that children are injured in a fight with drunken parents.

The well-known Russian physiologist proved that the collision of the processes of excitation and inhibition in the cerebral cortex is important in the development of neurotic states. The behavior of the father of an alcoholic in the family, due to the peculiarities of the clinical course of this disease, is extremely inconsistent and inconsistent. Judgments about certain actions of the child may be different for him, depending on the mood. The upbringing and behavior of children in such a family is completely disorganized: the child does not know how to respond correctly to this or that phenomenon, the actions of friends, teachers, educators outside the home. As a result, children develop neuroses or psychopathic character traits.

Swiss psychiatrist Bleuler found more than 40% of people with alcoholism who had psychopathic traits in the past.

At present, in the age of scientific and technological progress, high requirements are imposed on the level of intellectual development of children. They are required to master a stock of complex knowledge, which is beyond the power of mentally retarded children.

It is known that along with mental retardation associated with brain diseases, there are often cases of so-called "pedagogical neglect" of children. These children cannot be attributed to the group of patients, since the low intellectual level of their development is associated with the lack of proper upbringing in early childhood.The defect of early upbringing, insufficient intellectual development is observed, as a rule, in children from disadvantaged families, especially from families where parents abuse alcohol. During that period of development of the central nervous system, namely its higher section - the cerebral cortex, when conscious and purposeful mental activity is formed, children do not receive the stock of knowledge in the family that they need. individuals who sharply limit the range of interests of the family. Such parents are indifferent to the issues of raising their children.

In our country, a network of nurseries and kindergartens is widely developed, where the upbringing of children is carried out taking into account age characteristics, in accordance with the requirements of pedagogy. But, despite this, children from families with disadvantaged upbringing may gradually lag behind in development from their peers. Such children often try to stand out in the team through mischievous antics and negative behavior. Gradually they become “difficult” children. The problem of “difficult” children becomes especially acute during school years. These children learn the school curriculum with great difficulty, often low academic performance forces them to drop out after grades 4-5, subsequently they are engaged in unskilled labor. The lack of well-being in school and family makes them completely downtrodden or "daredevils".

Neurotic conditions in children from families of alcoholic patients can also manifest themselves in the form of bedwetting of urine and feces, which develops after severe fright. Children are ashamed of this disease, they try to hide it, their psyche suffers greatly. The disease is treatable with great difficulty. Neurotic conditions can manifest themselves in the form of disturbed sleep at night, difficulty falling asleep, night fears. Sleep disorders usually appear after night scenes in the family when the father comes drunk. The duration of sleep required by age in children is disturbed, during the day they are sluggish, apathetic, indifferent to everything.

One of the forms of childhood neuroses are nervous tics or obsessive movements, stuttering. Nervous tics can manifest as twitching of individual muscles in the mouth, eyelids, cheeks, or shoulder girdle. Stuttering in such children can occur against the background of a difficult situation in the family, after scenes between the parents. Some children may have nervous fears.

All of these disorders resulting from mental trauma are difficult to treat, especially if the child's family and living conditions continue to be unsatisfactory.

Drunkenness in the family is a bad and contagious example for children and adolescents. One of the serious consequences of drunkenness in the family is the early addiction of children to alcohol, which contributes to the development of chronic alcoholism in them in subsequent years.

Among the reasons causing adolescent addiction to alcoholic beverages, the overwhelming majority of researchers name alcoholism in the family, drunkenness of parents. Other reasons contributing to the formation of a craving for alcohol in a teenager include unfavorable relations between parents, unfavorable conditions of upbringing, early exposure to alcohol, and unhealthy alcoholic traditions of the immediate environment.

A survey of the families of alcohol abusers showed that half of them (51.2%) were brought up in families where they often drank alcohol. In families where conflict relationships between spouses prevailed, the number of persons who abused alcohol was 43.8%.

A significant role in the formation of alcohol addiction is played by the frequency of its use in the family where the adolescent is brought up. The influence of this factor on the onset of independent and systematic drinking is currently beyond doubt.

Unfortunately, in many families it is not considered a crime to "treat" a child on holidays, sometimes for the fun of adults, to alcohol - a glass of sweet wine or beer. Most alcoholics, according to them, began to drink alcohol at a young age, and some - in childhood, imitating adults or succumbing to their persuasion.

Here is one example

A student of the 4th grade of one of the Moscow schools does not have time, is rude to his comrades and teachers, spends all his free time on the street, does not participate in social work. As it turned out, two years ago, on his birthday, at the insistence of his parents, he drank a glass of wine. Since then, the boy developed a craving for alcohol, in any company of adults and adolescents, under any pretext, he began to get and drink alcoholic beverages. The consequences affected very soon the boy was unable to attend school, he needed special treatment.

IV Strelchuk and S. Pashchenkov, describing family forms of alcoholism, emphasize that in families where both parents abuse alcohol, the main factor that forms alcoholism in children is unhealthy alcoholic traditions in the family, an example of parents who constantly drink alcohol and their environment. It is the microsocial, first of all, family conditions in which the child develops, push him to early use of alcoholic beverages, form the habits characteristic of an alcoholic, which leads to the rapid development of alcoholism.

The “drunken life” of any family can also have a detrimental effect on adolescents who are not members of this family.

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The topic of alcohol addiction is unlikely to ever become irrelevant to society. Of course, there are people who are unfamiliar with this ailment, and fortunately, there are more and more people who care about their health, not taking alcohol. But the issue of alcohol dependence and its negative impact on human life remains one of the main ones. Today we will talk about alcoholism in families and the devastating effect it has on the mental health of a child whose parents are alcohol abusers. In short, how does parental drunkenness affect children, is alcoholism inherited?

Children and alcohol: the main questions

How does parental alcohol abuse affect the personality and character of children? Will the child of an alcoholic become a drinker when they grow up? What if a teenager comes home drunk? The most important questions about children and alcohol are answered by experts.

How does parental drunkenness affect the child?

Childhood in a family with a drinking parent becomes a disaster for life. Some researchers believe that the psychological trauma of these children is similar to what war veterans experience when they return home - post-traumatic stress disorder. Moreover, the child's suffering is caused not only by the drinking parent, but also by his spouse, who is called “codependent” (after all, he is anxious, often irritated and exhausted).

Valentina Moskalenko, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor, Leading Researcher at the National Scientific Center for Narcology, Rosminsozdrav, talks about what happens to a child who grows up in such a family. Because parents and other family members put a lot of effort into fighting alcoholism, the child is constantly lacking in attention. He feels unnecessary and unworthy of love.

In addition, the child lives in a completely unpredictable world, in anticipation of new troubles, and this slows down personal development, fosters fear of any conflict. Children from families where there is an alcoholic are often very docile, diligent, study well - they do not bring additional problems to an already suffering family.

In those families where they prefer to pretend that nothing is happening, they maintain a decent "facade" in front of others, the child ceases to trust his eyes and feelings, he develops a habit of deception. Because of the fear of being exposed, many children become isolated, stop inviting friends home, prefer their own fictional world to the company - and this can continue until thirty or even forty years.

One of the most difficult experiences for a child is guilt. “Children in drinking families,” says Valentina Moskalenko, “often feel guilty and responsible for the drunkenness of their father or mother. Some even believe that because of him, the child, the parents drink. As an adult, such a person continues to feel guilt almost constantly. This feeling easily arises in a variety of circumstances. If someone blames them, then they willingly take the blame at their own expense. Adult children of alcoholics enter the doctor's or boss's office with ready-made apologies on their lips.

In a word, a child from an alcoholic family enters the adult world insecure, distrustful of anyone, including himself, prone to depression and outbursts of anger. A woman, seeing a maternal scenario of behavior in front of her, subconsciously looks for a man with whom she can implement this scenario - and, according to statistics, about 60% of daughters of alcoholics marry men who are already sick with this ailment, or those who will become an alcoholic in the future ... Moreover, this happens even in the case of a mother's divorce from a drinking father, because the life scenario is recorded in the subconscious until the age of 6.

Generally, divorce from drinking parent does not solve many psychological problems and practically does not affect the risk of alcoholism in a child. Of course, a child must be protected from physical and moral abuse quickly and decisively. But in order to heal trauma, parents need to acknowledge and become aware of what is happening in their family and what feelings the child is experiencing. “The best thing that can be done,” says Valentina Moskalenko, “is for both parents to go to long-term psychotherapy. But no one knows about this and does not want to know. "

Psychotherapy also helps grown-up children whose parents were alcoholics. Realizing your problems, discussing them in a group or with a psychotherapist is the first and important part of healing, which is inevitably followed by changes for the better.

How is alcoholism inherited?

Will the child of an alcoholic drink too? No one can reliably answer this question. On the one hand, indeed, some psychological and physiological properties of a person are inherited.
Famous geneticist Svetlana Borinskaya, Doctor of Biological Sciences, Leading Researcher of the Genome Analysis Laboratory of the Institute of General Genetics named after N.I. Vavilov RAS says that not so long ago genes were discovered that are largely responsible for alcohol consumption.

The thing is that alcohol, getting into the body, first under the influence of a special enzyme turns into toxic acetaldehyde, which causes unpleasant sensations - dizziness, nausea, palpitations, and so on. And then the second enzyme oxidizes acetaldehyde, turning it into a harmless substance. So, the speed of these two reactions is determined genetically: if the first stage passes quickly, a toxic substance accumulates, a person feels so bad that he is physically unable to drink a lot. And if the accumulation is slow, then the person drinks without feeling any discomfort.

There are other, less studied genes that regulate the transmission of nerve impulses and affect human behavior and emotional state. They, too, are to some extent related to the likelihood of alcohol and drug addiction.

The medical facts listed above only explain the appearance of a predisposition, which may or may not appear. Everything else depends on the environment in which the child grows up and on the attitude of the parents towards him. The true cause of addiction in most cases is not genetics, but parental overprotection (or, conversely, ignorance by parents), mental or physical violence in the family.

Irritation, dissatisfaction are looking for a way out - and the world around them offers an easy way to "relieve stress." In this case, a child with an impeccable heredity can also become an alcoholic. “Under poor parenting conditions in childhood,” says Svetlana Borinskaya, “genetic differences appear, and risk-taking options have their effect: for example, people are more prone to depression, or they are more likely to develop antisocial behavior. In good conditions, genetic differences are leveled. "

What if a teenager comes home drunk?

If the child is drunk, the most important rule in this situation is not to generalize. To do this, you must try to at least for a short while forget about bad heredity, about what and when you told him, and where you made mistakes. Sooner or later, everyone meets with alcohol, and in 90% of cases it happens during adolescence. The reasons most often are the desire to feel like an adult and to be accepted by the team, curiosity and a spirit of contradiction. But a lot depends on how you behave the first time.

How to react when a child is drunk? First of all, take care of his health. Even small doses of ethanol can cause serious poisoning in a teenager. Check your pulse and breathing, if the skin is pale, with perspiration, there is no reaction to stimuli, call an ambulance.

Calmly find out how much and what the child has drunk. Even if it looks bearable, the alcohol may still be in the stomach, so it's good to drink as much water as possible and then induce vomiting. Then, if necessary, feed the teenager and put him to bed. Shouting, scolding, punishing at this moment is senseless and harmful; he will only be affirmed in the thought that he is not understood.

Later, after the child comes to his senses, it is imperative to discuss what happened. Psychologists advise to build a conversation from the position of not accusation, but analysis: "Why did you want to?", "What did you feel?", "What did the guys say?"

Keeping your teen's trust and confidence safe from blame and intimidation can save them a lot of problems down the road. You cannot, of course, go to the other extreme - to feel sorry for him and represent him exclusively as a victim of bad company, or even pretend that nothing happened.

Maybe you should sometimes pour a little at home for your teenager to learn to drink under supervision? This question arises from many parents, but it is very controversial.

First, it is a crime: as in most developed countries, we have recently provided for criminal liability for involving children in the systematic drinking of alcoholic beverages. Secondly, even small doses of alcohol harm a child's health - should you do it yourself?

It is much more useful if the child sees: the family treats alcohol calmly, there is no excessive hobby, no strict prohibitions and panic fears. A glass of wine with a dinner with friends or champagne in honor of an important event - if you allow yourself to drink infrequently, for joyful reasons, and not to “relieve stress,” then alcohol will not be perceived as a way to escape from problems and troubles as a teenager.