How to survive a divorce from your husband - advice from psychologists. How to survive a divorce from your husband: the rules of the crisis period. Do's and Don'ts to Survive a Divorce from Your Husband

11.09.2019

When people get married, they hope for a happy family life. They plan to live a long and happy life together. Few can imagine that they will face a painful divorce and a broken heart. At the beginning of family life, almost no one thinks about this. However, the harsh reality leads to the fact that most couples get divorced a few years after marriage.

Parting with a loved one is a very difficult process. It leaves painful scars on the heart, brings pain, sadness and a feeling of emptiness. Negative emotions overwhelm a person and deprive him of the ability to perceive the world around him. Life seems meaningless, self-esteem goes down and depression sets in. This condition can lead to fatal consequences. You need to look for a way out of this situation and try to improve your life.

How to get rid of stress?

Not every person can survive such a difficult test as divorce. The current situation seems hopeless. It's hard to imagine, but you have to reassemble the broken pieces and try to start from scratch. What can you do in such a situation? How to relieve yourself of constant worries and protect yourself from stress?

First of all, it is worth remembering that parting with your significant other saved you from negative emotions. This part of your life is over. The loss of a loved one always leads to inevitable stressful experiences. But try to think, were you so happy?

Perhaps divorce is your only chance to find the long-awaited happiness. There can be various reasons for a breakup, but they all inevitably lead to stress. It is important to remember that you cannot turn back time. Try to let go of the past, you will feel a welcome relief. But do not think that this is where your worries will end.

Tears, tantrums and depression are the eternal companions of parting. Just think, you have left a very important and significant part of your life. It's not easy to get through. Do not hold back everything to yourself. Unleash your emotions and allow yourself to be "hurt" for a few days.

It is almost impossible to get rid of worries. You will immerse yourself in painful memories, remember happy moments, perhaps every thing reminds you of a failed soul mate. Resentment and feelings of worthlessness will cause you tremendous pain.

Unfortunately, there is no way to get rid of this. You can start all over again, change your hairstyle, place of residence, but the psychological state will be very shaky for a long time. You won't be able to fall asleep in pain and wake up the next morning as a completely different person. The pain will go away gradually. Remember, the time will come and you will forget about your pain. It will become easier for you. The main thing is not to drown in your grief, but to find ways to deal with it.

Try to think

What is it that hurts you so much? Did you love this person? Or maybe humiliated self-esteem speaks in you? The only way to relieve pain is to understand the cause of your feelings. If you can answer this question to yourself honestly and frankly, you will immediately feel welcome relief.

Don't think about your pain. Try to see and get rid of the obsessive feeling forever. Try to write about your pain on a piece of paper. Psychologists believe this is a way to deal with unpleasant thoughts. So, take a piece of paper and try to think about what is the cause of your suffering. If you find it difficult to single out one reason, you can write several. In world practice, the following are the most common reasons:

I still have feelings for her / him - if you still love your ex, it won't be easy to let go. But by admitting this to yourself, you can better deal with such a scourge.
I am afraid of loneliness - this is the most frequent and widespread fear of a person. Oftentimes, the fear of being alone in tears is the cause of stress and tears. In reality, a person does not suffer from a former partner, but is afraid that he will never be able to start a new relationship and will be left alone.
I do not want to give him / her to anyone - a sense of ownership also does not allow me to calmly let go of my ex. A person feels humiliated, jealousy and humiliated self-esteem speaks in him. He wants to return his partner not because of great feelings, but only to satisfy the sense of ownership.
I am afraid for my children - women are more often subject to this fear. Unhappy in their marriage, they continue to live and endure abuse, only to ensure a happy future for their children. It is important to understand that babies will not be better off from the stressful environment in the home. This will only spoil their psyche and leave trauma for the rest of their lives.
I do not know what to do next - of course, the person is overcome by fear. He or she does not know how to build a future life. In this situation, don't panic. Fear of the unknown often prevents people from moving on. It is important to get rid of it, and believe in your own strength.
I cannot forget his / her betrayal - of course, it's hard to come to terms with the betrayal of the other half. If the relationship ended not at your will, but at the initiative of the wrong partner, it will be difficult to cope with this grief. You should be glad that you are done with this deception forever and try to start over.

The main thing is to be honest with yourself. It is not worth the truth, talk about your true experiences. Feel free to admit to yourself that you fear being alone or not wanting to change your life. Once you have a true picture of yourself, you will find a way to deal with the situation and start over.

By making a list of your experiences, you will be able to assess the situation sanely. Remember, it will be hard for you only the first time. Long-awaited relief won't be long in coming, especially if you're honest with yourself.

First stage

Breaking up with your spouse is not easy. It becomes especially difficult in the first weeks after parting. The problem is not only worries, but financial issues. It is necessary to decide on the housing issue, which is also a very difficult task. Psychologists strongly recommend moving apart, and not living in different rooms, like neighbors. This will only add negative experiences and cause constant stress.

It is much harder for women, because in most cases they stay with their children and are forced to take care of financial issues on their own. It is worth limiting relations with your ex-spouse and seeking help from your relatives. It is important to remember that you need to avoid quarrels and conflicts with your ex-spouse. This will only make your situation worse.

Get rid of the source of pain

Try to get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Even if they are very dear to your heart and many happy memories are associated with them. This includes all gifts, things, joint photographs and other items. It is recommended that you collect them in a distant place to rid yourself of unpleasant memories forever.

You don't have to throw things away. You just need to collect them in a box and hide them where you will never look. One day you will realize that you no longer feel the same awe for them. Along with this, your pain will also disappear. Life will no longer seem meaningless.

Protect yourself from bad thoughts

Try to relax. Bad thoughts will not do you any good. You need to start from scratch. Try to completely change your life. Go for walks, meet friends, make new acquaintances. Do what you wanted for a long time.

Find a hobby, it should be something that you are really interested in. Try to keep yourself busy with something interesting. You can spend time alone with yourself, watching an interesting movie or go to visit relatives. Try to think only good things. It's time to put an end to negativity forever.

Connect with children

Divorce is bad for children. Remember, their future fate depends on your actions. Separation of parents can seriously affect the psyche of children. In no case should you transfer the hateful attitude towards your ex-spouse to your children. This is the most common and fatal mistake most parents make. Do not discuss your problems, do not tell the child bad things about the bad parents and do not devote him to the affairs of the heart.

Try to explain the situation to your child. Tell him that dad and mom no longer live, but this does not change your attitude towards him in any way. Surround the child with love and care, do not leave him alone. A parent's relationship should not be reflected in the life of their child.

Opinion from the outside

Remember, divorce will inevitably lead to questions. People around you will feel sorry for you, ask leading questions and interfere in other people's business. Co-workers, friends, and family will try to give you advice without always realizing that you don't need it. In this case, the main thing is to react calmly and not show aggression. Otherwise, there will be more and more questions, and those around you will decide that you are suffering. You should not pour out your soul to a stranger and tell him about mental illness.

Your best bet is to come up with a few ready-made answers. Answer clearly and calmly, do not let strangers into your problems. Limit yourself to short phrases and try to show that you do not intend to discuss this topic. People around you will quickly realize that they will not get anything interesting from you.

As for relatives, you can be a little more frank here. Again, you don't have to let others know about your problems. But loved ones are most likely very worried about you and want to help. Tell them the real reason for the breakup and ask them not to come back to this topic.

Change the style

Women and men are advised to radically change their style. A new look will be the beginning of a different life. Women can change their hair color or hairstyle, drastically change their wardrobe and sign up for courses. After a divorce, you will have a lot of free time. You can devote it to yourself and protect yourself from bad thoughts. By changing your appearance, you can change the perception of the world.

The main thing to remember is that you can change your style and place of residence, but you can never start a new life if you do not let go of your ex. This is sometimes very difficult to do. You are overcome with resentment and a desire to express everything that has accumulated inside. If the ex-partner does not suffer, but builds his own life, it becomes even harder.

How to deal with this problem? Psychologists advise remembering that your life did not end with divorce. You have a chance to rethink everything and achieve the best. Use divorce as a chance to change everything. You will most likely become even happier than you were married.

Try not to get angry - your ex has hurt you a lot. You gave him your youth, tried to strengthen relations and received black ingratitude in return. It's not easy to forgive this. Resentment and a desire for revenge do not allow to live in peace. But it's important to remember that being in constant negativity won't make you happy. Stop being angry with your ex, and you yourself will not notice how you forget about your pain. She will be replaced by positive moments, completely displacing the negative.
Don't feel guilty - it doesn't make sense anymore. Try to think that this is best for both of you. Leave what happened in the past. You may have made many mistakes that led to a similar result. However, this is not a reason to suffer from remorse.
Forgive betrayal - the hardest thing is to forgive betrayal. A person cannot forget such a betrayal and feels humiliated. Cheating is not easy, but as you begin to pursue your own life, you will gradually cope with unpleasant thoughts. The pain will completely disappear once you have new interests and relationships.

The main thing is not to get hung up on bad thoughts. This is the only way you can survive the painful period.

Disagreements in family life are not uncommon, and, unfortunately, discord between spouses, in the worst case scenario, can lead to divorce. Finding themselves in a similar situation, it will not be superfluous for the fairer sex to acquire information on how to survive a divorce from her husband, and what experts think about this. Psychological advice can provide real help to a woman who still loves her husband, but has lost faith in a bright future.

What not to do after divorce

At the initial stage after a divorce, a woman is in a state of acute despair, she is tormented by fear, guilt, anger and other destructive emotions. Crisis can be replaced by apathy, unwillingness to do anything in general. At this moment, it is very easy to lose yourself and lose interest in life. It will be quite difficult to restore the brightness of the perception of the external world.

Therefore, it is very important to prevent the pathological state of depression, and for this it is necessary by all means to exclude the following actions and desires:

Seek communication with your ex-husband. After the breakup, many women try to glue the broken cup in all possible ways - they call, write letters and SMS, find out the reason for the breakup, persuade them to a meeting, where they again try to change the man's decision. Such actions most often cause irritation on the opposite side. A woman, on the other hand, is in a rather humiliating position when she tries to persecute a man, thereby, with her own hands, she lowers her self-esteem.
Take antidepressants. Such drugs will not help cure mental pain, but will only create the appearance of an improved condition, and then only for the period of taking the drug. If you suffer from insomnia and you can't cope with your nerves, you can try herbal sedatives.
Closing in oneself and constantly being alone. Of course, you can and even need to be alone for some time, but it is unacceptable to completely exclude communication with relatives and friends.
Drinking alcohol. Drinking alcohol may help to distance yourself from experiences for a while, but after its effect evaporates, the mental pain will most likely flare up with renewed vigor. In addition, the private use of alcohol is fraught with side diseases, so it is better to exclude its presence in life altogether.

Many women try to calm down the pain through the “wedge-by-wedge” method, in other words, find a new companion or admirer as soon as possible. Any psychologist will tell you that this is not recommended. A fleeting romance is likely to be very brief and after it ends, the woman will again feel devastated, which will again plunge her into depression, probably deeper than before.

In order to survive a divorce, especially if you still have strong feelings for your ex-husband, you should first of all understand that what happened is not the end of life and try to psychologically separate yourself from the person who is no longer around.

Psychologists, in turn, offer a rough plan of what you should pay attention to, what to do in order to quickly realize yourself as a separate person, worthy of a prosperous and happy life.

Get rid of negative emotions

In no case should you keep resentment, pain and other negative emotions in yourself. You should give them a way out, especially in the first days and weeks after the divorce. It is necessary to allow yourself to cry with the understanding that there is nothing wrong with it. It is not weakness, but the ability to feel.

When some other emotions arise, for example, hatred of an ex-husband, they should also be given a way out. A very simple technique recommended by all practicing psychologists is suitable for this.

You will need to take a sheet of paper and describe in detail everything that torments you. The text can begin with the phrase "I am offended that ...". It is useful to reread what has been written aloud after a while, pronouncing and being aware of each word. Another tip is to burn the leaf with emotions splashed out on it.

If you don't feel like writing, you can call a good friend, girlfriend, close person. Someone who really wants to help and just express thoughts and feelings to him.

Limit communication with your ex-husband

It is important to stop or minimize all contact with your ex-husband, at least for the first time. It is also worth giving him all his things as quickly as possible, and hiding joint photographs and his gifts in a distant box. You should not monitor social networks, every minute looking at the page of a former man or asking mutual friends what is happening in his life.

If relatives or friends are trying to draw into a discussion about an unsuccessful family life or tell another gossip, this should be crossed at the root. It is necessary to make it clear that the past is left behind and that what is now happening to the former man is only his life, and in no way interests the woman herself.

If there are children in the family, it is best to reduce communication to a question concerning their future life and well-being.

Forgive and understand that the relationship is over

For a long time after a divorce, many women hope for the return of a loved one, not accepting the fact that the relationship is no longer there. This is considered a destructive direction, contributing to the self-destruction of a wounded and wounded female soul. Therefore, the most important point is forgiveness and acceptance of the divorce situation.

You should understand that everything is already in the past and try to forgive all the sins of your beloved husband. Do not forget about the moment of forgiving yourself and getting rid of the feeling of guilt. It is necessary to recognize the moment that both are always wrong in strife, and in no case the blame for a divorce can lie with one person.

Diversify your pastime

Keeping yourself busy and eliminating a lot of free time is one of the most popular ways to survive a divorce from your loved one as easily as possible. The deeper you go headlong into any business, the less time you have left for experiences.

It is important to actively communicate with friends, loved ones, help them in something and accept their support, not refuse to take part in events and celebrations.

The following options are considered the most popular ways to unwind:

Redevelopment of the apartment where the ex-husband lived or rearrangement of furniture in it and cosmetic repairs.
A hobby or the fulfillment of a long-standing desire - dancing, learning a language, skydiving, traveling to distant countries where I have long wanted to visit, and so on.
Work as a volunteer in caring for sick children, retirees. Others' sufferings clearly show the insignificance of their own experiences, and helping a neighbor in itself is a good deed and has a healing effect on any soul.

In other words, new emotions and impressions allow a person to feel the real joy of being in this world. At such moments, the understanding comes that life, it turns out, has not ended and there is a lot of interesting things in it.

Engage in appearance

During a period of acute feelings, a woman tends to stop caring for herself, which in turn adversely affects self-esteem. You should force yourself to use your favorite cosmetics; great options would be to sign up for the gym, go to yoga, change your hairstyle or hair color, and update your wardrobe.

As soon as the outer side begins to change, or rather to recover, and the woman begins to notice looks on herself, hear compliments, and she herself sees herself renewed in the mirror, self-esteem will instantly jump up, and thoughts of former love will become weaker and weaker.

Final stage: conclusions

As soon as the condition improves and the ability to think rationally returns, you should take a piece of paper and describe all the pros and cons of what happened. For example, that the appearance of a large amount of free time gives a woman the opportunity to take care of herself, beloved, to develop in what is interesting, whereas earlier this time could be spent on solving her husband's problems or everyday issues.

It is also necessary to analyze what was wrong in family life and when the moment of the beginning of the end came. Parsing mistakes reduces the risk of their repetition in the future. In addition, a detailed analysis will help a woman grow spiritually and realize that only a self-sufficient person, as she is, is able to accept what happened, understand the nuances of what happened and let go of the past.

On the divorce video

The experience of divorce is undoubtedly one of the most unpleasant events in a woman's life. If the man is still loved, then the pain of parting can be doubly strong. The main thing in a state of crisis is to try to pull yourself together and remember that the bad period will end sooner or later. Indeed, in fact, life goes on and what happened is just an impetus to something much better.

Coming to the final line of the relationship, my soul is sad, empty, hard. Regardless of how long you have lived: 1, 2, 10, 30 years, you need advice from a psychologist, because divorce is a painful process. Questions are spinning in my head: how to survive a divorce from a husband or wife? How to live on? It is especially hard for those who did not initiate the divorce. Below we have compiled key tips from psychologists to help you move on. How to survive a divorce from your husband, what advice psychologists give, read below.

Most women mistakenly believe that men ignore the advice of psychologists. There is a mistaken stereotype in society that men are less anxious about how to survive a divorce from their wife. In fact, a man has the right to feel emotional depression, pain and despair on a par with women.

Let go of each other.

Many break up, but at the same time do not let go of each other. For years, already in new relationships, they experience resentment and pain from the past.

The hardest thing is if you have a child. in this situation - to discuss everything at a common table. It's not your child's fault that your relationship fell apart, so make contact. Calling each other every day is too much, maintaining an adequate relationship for the sake of the child is a duty. Forgive each other.

Throwing yourself headlong is bad advice.

Become aware of your feelings and emotions. Admit that you feel bad and hurt. Get your head in work, and connect more with family and friends. Find new relationships as you say goodbye in the shower to old ones.

Behave with dignity.

Emotions pass, but actions and words remain in the memory. Having done a bunch of dirty tricks on a former lover, the relationship will deteriorate to the utmost. Probably in a few years, when emotions have subsided, you will feel ashamed of your behavior in a fit of despair and anger.

How can a man survive a divorce? The psychologist advises to accept the situation. Give yourself time to realize what happened and the pains to subside.

Children and parental divorce

If for adults the divorce process is difficult, then for children it is a real tragedy. Particularly vulnerable ages are 5-10 years old and 12-16 years old. During these years, children especially vividly endure such an event. Tantrums, leaving home, ultimatums begin. if there is a child? You, as parents, should put aside each other's quarrels and sit down at a common table.

It is important to explain to the child:

You both love him. It is important to make it clear that you are not getting divorced because of him, but because it will be better this way, emphasizing that you both loved him and will always love him.
You will definitely see each other. Explain that mom and dad will now live in different places, but at his request and by personal agreement, he will be able to visit or live for some time with the second parent.
He is the best thing you have done in your marriage. It is important for your child to feel that he was not involved in your divorce. Unfortunately, most children develop feelings of guilt, which affects their mental health.
You have to let go of each other for the sake of happiness. The problem of most parents is not knowing their own children. It seems to them that since a child is under the age of 15, he is naive, he can lie or do without explanation, but this is a mistake. Children feel false, and when something happens in their family.

You don't need to go into the details of your breakup, just explain that if the two people stop being happy together, they need to let go of each other in order to feel happy with someone else. Emphasize that happiness is the most important thing in life, so you separate with warmth.

To humiliate the other parent and remember his sins. Your relationship is only yours. The child is not to blame for your mutual decision. The kid loves two - mom and dad. Your divorce does not affect his love, but it does affect his psyche. If you push, then there are 3 scenarios: he starts to hate the second parent, he starts to hate you, he will feel abandoned. Why does a child need this load? Be sensible.
Blame the child. Children already feel guilty on a subconscious level. If you can help develop these feelings of guilt, then as an adult, your child will not be able to stand up for themselves and will tolerate humiliation. Do not disclaim responsibility! The decision to have a baby is common.
Discuss a new passion, if any. The child feels everything. Today you will say with a strained smile how you wish happiness to his mother or father, and tomorrow with your friends you will discuss a new passion in all negative colors. So the child will understand that he is being deceived and the relationship of trust with you will begin to break down.

Of course, there can be deep anger and resentment, but leave all this talk to or a girlfriend, without a child.

What to do in case of divorce from your husband if you have a child?

If the question arose about who the child should stay with, do not involve him in these questions, but simply ask directly: "with whom do you like to live more - with me or with dad?" Do not be surprised if the child does not answer unambiguously.

Next, sit down at the negotiating table. There is no right or wrong choice when it comes to “dividing” a child. For example, children often stay with their mothers, but not less often with their fathers. It depends on your level of life, capabilities and personal affection. For example, if you have always stayed away from raising a child, then it is more logical to “give” it to the parent who was always there.

Disconnect your resentments and emotions, since we are talking about a living person. Be realistic and measure your strength. If you do not feel responsible and understand that you are not ready to take the child, then you do not need to rewrite guardianship out of revenge on yourself.

How to survive betrayal and divorce of a husband or wife: advice from a psychologist

“Guys are goats! Everyone changes! " - such a stereotype is instilled in us through all TV series, films and books. As a rule, they show the worst scenarios and demonstrate the situation from such an angle, as if such an outcome is the only one. The opposite stereotype also works, but to a lesser extent, about women.

Of course, the focus of attention is always on the traitors, and those who have been betrayed are portrayed as harmless martyrs who, of course, have nothing to do with it. They are the good and the best.

This stereotypical behavior teaches us to blame, but not to pay attention to ourselves. There is a category of men who are otherwise called womanizers, but this is noticeable at the first meeting and their betrayal is a common thing. In other cases, many factors lead to cheating, and, as a rule, they are too obvious to take into account. Your job in divorce is to understand and accept these factors in order to further build

A specialist will help work out the problem by sorting through your relationship and discovering the main problems in the behavior of both of you.

You deserve the best.

After betrayal, complexes appear - both justified and invented. One thing is important to understand for sure: you are worthy of love and devotion, worthy of a good relationship. Even if your spouse said otherwise during a quarrel, do not believe it. You have a right to happiness, repeat this phrase like a mantra.

Change the look.

For emotional relief, we strongly advise you to visit the salon and do what you could not decide for a long time. For example, they have worn long hair to their thighs all their lives or have not changed their hairstyle in the last 10 years. Take it and do what you ever thought of!

Also, throw out or sell old clothes and start updating your wardrobe. Don't be afraid to go for vibrant colors, bold cuts, and unusual cuts. Now you have a new life where you allow yourself to be who you always wanted to be in your soul!

Sign up for courses.

Have you dreamed of learning English, sewing or dancing tango? Welcome to the courses. A new activity will distract you from negative thoughts, and a new team will give new acquaintances, which will at least help you find new friends.

Erase the person from your life.

If he (a) is not going to take his things from the apartment, then feel free to sell them or throw them away. Free up space, and you yourself will feel a surge of vitality.

Also delete all phone numbers, shared photos - everything that may remind you about

Rearrange.

After betrayal and a loud divorce, the person finds himself on an emotional day. The home environment is pressing: you come, sit on the sofa and remember how you bought it together and put it together all evening.

You need to rearrange. Ideally, change the color of the wallpaper and make a full renovation, at least - rearrange the furniture a little.

Parting with her husband after 40: how to endure her husband's betrayal and breakup?

Psychologist's advice when divorcing her husband, as a rule, boils down to a woman's introspection, you need to look at yourself and accept your mistakes, and not blindly blame your ex for cheating or leaving after many years of marriage.

Among the common reasons for cheating, there are:

Boredom.

A woman is not fond of anything, does not strive for anywhere, although she developed earlier. Her whole life is everyday life and children, if any. There is nothing to talk to her about, and constantly talking about home is boring. Having interviewed the majority of men, one can understand that many, in addition to physical satisfaction, found women on the side of interesting interlocutors. Those with whom you can feel new emotions and learn something new.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have lived for 10 years? Psychologist's advice boils down to analyzing your life. You need to find a hobby and become interesting for yourself, make friends with yourself.

Unresolved conflicts.

The woman did not pay due, humiliated him or did not resolve conflicts. As a result of countless attempts to find a compromise, a man is bored with a woman to such an extent that he wants to run away.

Laziness.

When the man got married, he saw a beautiful woman. She painted, loved to dance, looked after herself and constantly attracted the attention of everyone around her. It was the sun that I wanted to look at. Over the years of marriage, the woman relaxed and began to be lazy - putting on baggy things, walking with an ugly hairdo, stopped paying attention to her appearance. Men love with their eyes, so after many years of marriage, a man got tired of huge pajamas and wanted to contemplate beauty. Note that men often pay attention not to incredible beauty, but to grooming.

Believe me, the fault in your breakup is on you too. Don't try to blame everything on age, especially if your ex's new passion is much younger. A woman in her 40s is a mature, well-formed woman who is not deprived of wisdom. By accepting responsibility for the breakup and working with a specialist on personality issues, you can find a new man.

How to behave after a divorce?

After a divorce, there are only 3 ways out: humiliation, revenge and live on. People who choose the latter option are faster than others and feel relaxed.

Typical mistakes

The most common mistakes after a breakup are:

“Come back! I will forgive everything! " Humiliation will not cause bright feelings in your ex-spouse. Rather, even more negativity. Don't look pathetic, behave with dignity.
Trying to get revenge. Another way to look pathetic in the eyes of your ex. Let go of grudges. If it does not work out on your own, then contact a specialist, for example, a psychologist-hypnologist

Changes in life. How multifaceted is this concept. We take some with joy, some for granted. But there is a certain category of changes that we would like to avoid.

A divorce from a loved one or even a once loved one is a difficult stage in life, which is worthy to survive with minimal losses and get out of it renewed, not broken, difficult and, it seems, sometimes impossible, but quite a real thing.

Let's talk about how to survive a divorce from your beloved husband without losing yourself, learn to rebuild life, restore peace of mind, again believe that life is beautiful, and you will be happy again.

The psychology of a marriage breakdown

It would seem that the March of Mendelssohn sounded yesterday, you, lovers, accepted congratulations and kissed to the incessant cries of "Bitter!" And now, after some time, you look back and do not understand how it happened that you became strangers to each other.

There are no common topics for conversation, joint family evenings are not encouraging, but burdensome, dissatisfaction with each other grows like a snowball, and the gap between you is increasing every day.

And as the classic noted: "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The reasons for divorce are so varied that it makes no sense to list them.

However, the most common are still:

psychological incompatibility of spouses... In the wake of passion and emotions, we often draw for ourselves the image of an ideal partner and put this image on our future spouse like a kind of cloak, absolutely not thinking about whether it suits him? Is he comfortable in it? Doesn't this cloak hide the person himself? And having “painted” a beautiful picture for ourselves, we are surprised, after a year, or even five years later, we find that the person with whom we live does not at all resemble the created and idealized image.

And here everything depends on the desire to see a person as he is, to accept him with all his shortcomings, quirks or peculiarities, to find compromises and be able to negotiate.

Appreciate each other and get to know again, and love this "old" new person for you. And believe me, every couple goes through this stage. And not for everyone it becomes fatal. This is the exception rather than the norm.

However, if the passion has passed, and deep love, tenderness, friendship, mutual respect did not come in its place, and only the question remained: "What am I actually doing next to this person," such a couple will inevitably face a divorce.

spouse addiction(alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.). A very difficult situation. A divorce from an alcoholic, drug addict requires determination, wisdom and strength from a woman. Very often the spouses of dependent husbands are sick no less than half of them. And the name of their ailment is codependency. To cope with it alone is sometimes an impossible task.
domestic violence... He beats, then he loves? A huge nonsense that women repeat, like a kind of mantra, trying to find an excuse. No. Not to the one who hits. To yourself. The one who endures and forgives. Crying, treating bruises, lying at work. And once again forgives. Once again. And more ... And finally he finds the strength to break the hardest chains and literally “break free”.
treason... Pain, betrayal, collapse of faith in everything around ... And the understanding that you cannot forgive ... Or, even worse, they do not ask for forgiveness ... Perhaps the most difficult option. Heavy with its suddenness, deafening truth about yesterday still close and dear person ...
inability to have children... Or the unwillingness of one of the partners to have a child. Quite a common reason for divorce. Outwardly prosperous families disintegrate.

The list, of course, is far from complete. Yes, we do not set ourselves the task of classifying and sorting out on the shelves ... What to do, how to help yourself? For you - the recommendations of a practicing psychologist.

Recovery stages

Everything has already happened. Yesterday you were preparing a family dinner, and today ...

Pain

Despair rolls over, mixed with terrible resentment, bitterness, acute self-pity. It seems that life is over, or, at least, has lost all meaning. The usual way of life is crumbling, roles, goals, tasks change. A huge burden of new responsibility appears, which only yesterday lay on his broad shoulders. And the tears have already dried up, and the soul is a bleeding wound.

Sound familiar? Believe me, most women who have gone through a breakup with a regular partner experience similar feelings. Some more, some less. Much depends on the reason for the divorce, and who became the initiator, but in any case, the first time after the divorce is the most difficult psychologically.

It is due to the fact that the usual way of life is crumbling, and in the event of parting with a beloved husband, a very difficult feeling of loss is imposed.

What to do if you love, but he is gone? There is probably no single piece of advice on how to get through this difficult part of your life easier. However, there are several practical tricks to help restore lost peace of mind.

Don't drive the pain deep. Don't play the role of the "iron lady". Or at least don't play it in front of yourself. Feel, pay out, throw out all the emotions.

Shout. Beat the dishes after all. Give yourself the opportunity to throw out everything that is raging in your soul.

But you don't have to go in a circle: I cried, I calmed down, I thought, I felt sorry for myself, I cried, I calmed down, and so on. One cycle is enough, but from the heart! Wash yourself with cold water. Put on sunglasses to hide your tear-stained eyes, a baseball cap and go outside.

You should definitely go for a walk. At a fast pace. Better, of course, in a forest belt, on the shore of a reservoir, in a park. But not everyone has such an opportunity. Walk - at least an hour or two. Walk until you are physically tired. In the meantime, take a look at the nearest stationery department. Buy whatman paper and paints. Any, but preferably - gouache.

When you come home, take a shower, preferably a contrast one. Standing under the streams of water, try to imagine how it washes away all pain and negativity from you, physically. Imagine it as a layer of dust, dirt, paint on your body. Visualize your pain. And look how it leaves with streams of water. You are clearing yourself. Coming out of the shower, take paints, whatman paper and try to convey in color what is in your soul.

You don't need to be able to draw. Do everything intuitively. You can use brushes or cotton pads or fingers. Anything that comes to your mind. And spill it all out on paper. Before the devastation.

And depending on what emotions your drawing will evoke in you, either burn it (if there is pain, fear, resentment) or save it (if you were able to convey something light and positive - pacification, forgiveness, reviving harmony).

This is a simple exercise. But very effective. Sobbing for days, reveling in self-pity is a dead-end path. Find the strength in yourself. Help yourself. If it doesn't work, seek professional help.

The faster you go through this segment of the path, which, believe me, everyone who knows what divorce is, the better. For you, your children, loved ones, parents. The road will be mastered by the walking one.

This is where you build your new life. Take the first step, do not sit in the dust by the side of the road, reveling in self-pity.

Adaptation

Oh, but life, it turns out, is not over! This is the conclusion you will come to. Sooner or later, but you will come. And this very life dictates the daily rules. It is filled with the obligatory chores and responsibilities that no one else will fulfill except you. And you can do it quite well.

And one day, the second, a week, a month ... And you can already fully think about what happened and not suffocate from the pain. No, it still hurts, of course, but in an abstract way, and the further, the easier ... This is an adaptation to the new realities of life. You are on the right track! Keep it up!

Video: How to forget a loved one

Psychologist's advice

You are well done. True, well done! Look around you. The world hasn't changed, has it? Birds chirp in the same way, the sun rises, a little kitten plays with a bow. Children laugh, old people grumble, boss, what a boss. He hasn't changed either. Welcome to your new life! Learn to see the good, it is. And do not expect that tomorrow will come and everything will change. Change today.

Take a bright, colorful, beautiful notebook. Better new. The most beautiful you can find. It is a beautiful, positive, and not a business organizer.

And every day, write down 10 good things that happened to you today.

Believe me, when you start analyzing, you will see that there is a lot of good in life - even if it is really, really bad at heart, just allow yourself to notice the good around you! And don't neglect keeping a Diary of Good Things. Again, visualize your desires.

Create a dream collage. On a sheet of Whatman paper, stick clippings from magazines, pictures from the Internet, symbolizing your most cherished desires for you.

The ones you really want and expect to achieve. Let it be unrealizable in your opinion. Do not limit fate! Give her a chance to fulfill your wishes!

Cure

Next stage. Congratulations! You are at the home stretch. You fully understand that the best doctor is time. And life really is not over! And that it seemed to you that everything, further and there is no need to live? Well, really, stupidity was then blasted off. And they doubted that everything would go away, that this would go away too! In vain. You have to believe in yourself.

The only advice. Do not rush to the worst. Do not try to show your “ex” that everything is great with you: your career, and new shoes (or a car, who knows), and your friend is a hundred times better, etc. Do not. Let go. Live for yourself, your children.

Don't compete with anyone. Do not prove anything to anyone. You are still the best, worthy, beautiful, intelligent, etc. Do what you love, find a hobby, devote more time to your family. Live life to the fullest!

Normalization

Was there a boy? It's all over! New life, new relationship (or not, it doesn't matter). New experience, albeit difficult, but yours. You survived, you managed, you didn't break! You are admirable!

Psychologists advise not to plan a serious relationship before reaching this stage. This does not mean that new connections should be avoided. No. But it is not worth planning what your children will be called, the dog, and what to plant in the country in old age. Don't rush things!

Painless solutions

It is during this period that you can make balanced, sober decisions about your life, the future of yours and your children, and your relationship with the “former” for a long time. Wisdom, multiplied by past experience, will help you find a way out of any situation!

Stereotypes

Have you come across the fact that society has a negative attitude towards a woman after a divorce? And what caused this negative attitude in your soul? We are subject to the influence of stereotypes, sometimes we become simply slaves of someone else's judgment and opinion. “A child needs a father, albeit a bad one, but a dear one”, “He beats, it means he loves”, “Who needs me after a divorce with two children,” “The world belongs to men,” etc. etc. Sound familiar, right?

But before, as everyone knows, the woman kept the fire in the hearth, and the man went hunting. The world has changed. Take a look around! Drop these archaic judgments. Don't let other people's opinions rule you! You are a self-sufficient, confident, beautiful, successful woman!

Be proud of yourself and don't listen to the angry hiss behind you. As another well-known character - the charismatic and inimitable Rhett Butler in the novel “Gone with the Wind” said: “The dogs bark, and the caravan moves on!”

Emotional addiction

Yes, a fairly common problem. Its roots lie in uncertainty, inability to make decisions, a desire to shift responsibility onto the shoulders who are more adapted for this. There’s nothing to be done, we’ll have to fight this too.

Psychologist's advice

Here, perhaps, is the case when you cannot do without professional help. Group or individual therapy can help deal with the problem.

Change of life rhythm

There is nothing to be done, new life dictates new conditions. The rhythm of life is also changing. And you know, you must like the changes. There is more time for yourself, children, favorite activities. There is no need to report and make excuses.

Gatherings with girlfriends or shopping, a walk in the woods or doing what you love - everything that you didn’t have enough time for became available to you!

Enjoy and don't look for reasons to be sad! No one to cook dinner for? Very well! Fill your bathtub with hot water, light the candles, turn on the music and relax!

Material problems

Perhaps there will be such. It is not excluded. Surviving a marriage breakdown painlessly is great. And let this serve as an additional incentive for self-development, the search for new ways of earning money, mastering new specialties, and improving qualifications. And at first it is quite possible to find a small part-time job - on the Internet, master joint purchases, sit with a neighbor's child, bake to order, sew.

After 50

Surviving a divorce from your husband after 50 years is not an easy task. The children grew up, everyone has their own interests, and the husband decided that he was leaving "for a new, happy life." How to be? Get together and find the strength to let go. Find yourself an interesting job, seek support from children. Doing what you dreamed of all your life, and for which there was not enough time.

If there is a child

Don't be led by your emotions. Don't turn the child against the father. The kid (or teenager) should not choose whom to love - mom or dad. Let the father see the child. Be wise.

With an alcoholic husband

Do not carry the burden of responsibility for it. Understand that you are not responsible for him, but for the children, for yourself. If a person does not want to change, and in this case - to be treated, do not ruin your life

During pregnancy

Your main task at the moment is to bear and give birth to a healthy baby. everything else is secondary. Healthy egoism is essential in this situation. If it's really hard - seek help from a professional. And remember that all your experiences are reflected in the baby to one degree or another.

If he left for another

Let go. Do not compare and do not look for flaws in yourself. Just take it for granted that this is not your person. Yours is ahead. And keeping it forcibly, appealing to a sense of duty, the years lived together, to the paternal instinct is useless. You will destroy yourself, and you can be happy. Not with him, with another. But happy. Give yourself a chance! Let go.

With a tyrant

Only an emotionally flawed person will humiliate and torture his wife. Domestic violence is a scourge not only for the spouse, but also for the children. Appreciate yourself. Run without looking back. Don't take the victim path.

If there are small children

A husband, albeit a former one, is obliged to participate in the maintenance of not only the children, but also the disabled wife. If you have children, go to court with a statement of claim for the recovery of alimony for the maintenance of children and you until the children reach the age of three.

After 20 years of marriage

But life does not end. And you will still be happy. Necessarily. And if a person is not worthy of you, could not appreciate all those years lived together, and left, despite the many things that bind you, - rebuild life. And let it be brighter, more interesting, warmer, softer than the previous one. You are still young, beautiful, full of strength. Do not despair.

After 30 years of marriage

Very often, having married at an early age, devoting her whole life to the interests of her family, husband, children, having lived in marriage for a greater segment of her life, a woman who is going through a separation from her husband after 30 years of marriage is completely disoriented. The way of life, habits, lifestyle - absolutely everything changes at one moment.

The main task of a woman in such a situation is to realize that that stage of life is over. A new, rich and interesting begins. Children are adults, she is wise and still interesting, but she already knows how to understand people, she can not only be happy, but also realize herself in those areas that were previously inaccessible to her.

The main thing is not to give yourself a minute of free time. Work, hobbies, meeting friends, creativity, outdoor activities in the company of children or old, trusted friends - fill your life.

Do not under any circumstances take the position of the victim. It is not given to us to predict what the coming day is preparing for us! And it is possible that parting with your husband will allow you to open up in a new way, find harmony, love, care in other, completely new relationships!

After the betrayal

If there is no opportunity and internal reserves for forgiveness, leave. But don't program yourself to fail further. Believe me, not all men are the same. And once having gone through betrayal, you will be happy with the man who will appreciate you.

We hope that these tips will help you withstand a difficult situation, find the strength to look at life from a different angle, emerge victorious and build a new, happy life. Do not get embittered, stay gentle, feminine, open. Be happy!

Good day, dear reader. Are you at the stage of making one of the important decisions in your life, or maybe you have already made? Have you wondered how to survive a divorce from your husband? This article will help you not only gain confidence in the future, but also find the strength to overcome all the suffering that has fallen on your head. We will tell you what stages there are in women after divorce. We will show you how to respond correctly to each of them. You will learn what absolutely must not be done and how to avoid the typical mistakes of most divorced girls. The article also contains advice from psychologists on this topic. Breathe in and out, and then relax a little and start eating interesting stuff.

In the life of every person there are problems that are extremely difficult to cope with, but loss is considered the most difficult experience. The death of loved ones is at the highest level, but divorce from her husband is a little lower and, by the way, he is even higher than an unexpected dismissal from work. Every woman after the destruction of her family asks the question of how to survive a divorce from her husband. In our article you can find not only the answer to this question, but also make sure that life does not end there.

First, let us warn that psychologists single out five stages that a person experiences during loss. All these stages should be lived and there is no need to try to show yourself strong (window dressing, like I'm so invulnerable) and jump over these stages. The time to overcome each of the stages will be needed in different ways, because it all depends on the duration of the marriage and the relationship throughout the marriage. The main rule is to take care of yourself and start to devote more time to yourself (), and not to think about how your husband is doing. Well, let's start considering all the stages that a woman will have to go through after a divorce.

Feeling of shock and complete denial of the current situation

This is the very first stage and probably one of the most difficult, because when a person is in a state of shock, he is unable to think sensibly. Emotions at this moment are hard to control and can be aggravated to dire consequences. After the peak of the shock state passes and the woman calms down, then denial begins. Everything around seems unreal, and the future does not exist at all. The people around will try to reason with the girl, but all the arguments for her are sheer stupidity. The moment of inadequacy is simply off scale.

Attacks of anger and resentment

The second stage is no less serious and everyone will have to go through it, because it is not so easy to cope with your anger. Spontaneous bouts of anger develop into unquenchable anger at the ex-spouse. All the worst moments come to mind, and you start winding yourself up. The woman seemed to open her eyes to the past actions of the man, which seemed to her to be commonplace. () She begins to suffer not only from memories, but also from lost time with an unlucky young man. Feelings of resentment can lead to severe depression as well as self-flagellation.

Oddly enough, this stage is a continuation of the previous one, because when the anger and resentment against the ex-husband ends, it is time to look for problems in oneself. The equator of all stages is the most dangerous and it can become a return to the first stage. It's simple, because the girl begins to endlessly look for flaws in herself and tries to hammer into her head that she did the wrong thing. The danger lies not in thoughts, but in actions, and a woman will definitely want to correct far-fetched mistakes. This desire will meet and explain, call and talk, and this can end in disaster.

Gray days have come, and depression has crept up imperceptibly

As you can imagine, after all these stages, the realization comes that the past cannot be returned and this makes you worry a lot. The former family remained only in memory, and the loving husband has long been living his life. It is painful to realize this, but it is necessary, because every divorced woman needs to go through it. Depression is different for everyone and you need to focus on it. Such a state can reach a boiling point, and the help of relatives or friends will be useless. (you need to contact specialists) At the initial stage, relatives and comrades are a good panacea.

Long-awaited and adequate acceptance of reality

After going through all the stages, you will come to a healing acceptance of reality. This feeling is indescribable and it can work wonders. All feelings are in order, and thoughts become healthy and sober. A person begins to understand that what happened is not a mistake, but a vital necessity for creating a successful future. After the onset of this moment, the woman will feel as if she has breathed a breath of fresh air, and the old problems have simply disappeared. The path to a new and happy life is open.

Having considered all the stages that a divorced woman will have to go through, we have taken only the question of the original nature. Perhaps, after reading about the stages, the reader will understand what lies ahead and this will help to survive the divorce from her husband. The main question still remains, and we will try to list a list of tips and tricks that will help you understand how to survive a divorce from your husband. These tips may not sound new to you, but they really work. You should also talk about the typical mistakes that the beautiful half of humanity makes during a difficult period. The most basic and critical mistakes and even stupid things do not need to be made, because they will only make life worse.

Let's start with the most interesting and useful, namely tips on how to survive a divorce from your husband and stay happy. These recommendations can be attributed to a number of self-improvement and gaining inner peace and harmony. Every girl can try to implement the advice, and we are sure that this will only benefit. The divorce survivor is strongly encouraged to listen to the following:

A change of image will contribute not only to external changes, but also to internal ones. In a beauty salon, you can do a new hairstyle, choose a more attractive make-up, and in any boutique you should update your wardrobe. All these actions will not only improve mood and cheerfulness, but also raise self-esteem;
For those who do not have the opportunity to switch to children or household chores, you should get yourself a kitty or a dog, or maybe a funny parrot or a nimble ferret. This will help you focus on something useful and not think about divorce. Perhaps, with the help of a new pet, you will have the opportunity to make fresh acquaintances and make friends;
No one has ever canceled sports, because this is not only health and relaxation, but also a long-awaited opportunity to take time for yourself. You can do anything from jogging in the morning to swimming in the pool or evening hikes to the fitness club. Believe me, this is a truly enjoyable pastime. A new activity is a way to expand the circle of acquaintances;
Maybe it's time to travel a little alone or with friends. New countries and cities are fresh emotions, as well as the discovery of something new for yourself. You can visit ancient cities and museums, or you can simply go to the resort and relax in full;
A mandatory procedure that must be done by every girl is getting rid of unnecessary, as well as old things. Particular attention should be paid to those things that obsessively remind you of your ex-spouse. If you can't do the burning of old bridges yourself, then ask your faithful girlfriend. This action will help you to realize once again that a new life has come, and after the old one there is only ashes;
Are you bored with the old design in the apartment, and have wanted to change the colorful wallpaper for a long time? It's time for a change in the house where you live. Change your environment to remind you of the bad days with your ex-husband. Make major or cosmetic repairs that you have dreamed of for so long, because you can now afford it. The main thing is that no one will impose their opinion and indicate what they dislike about the design;
Financial independence will be an important point, because now you are obliged to provide for yourself. To do this, you need to understand how profitable your job is and whether you like it. Perhaps it will be useful to find a high-paying job for which you have long wanted to triple. Think about your career and make all your dreams come true.

As you can see, following all the tips will help end chaos in life and take you to a new stage of development. It's not all that easy to accomplish, but this is another chance to prove to yourself that you are capable of more and deserve the best. Over time, thoughts about how to survive a divorce from your husband will completely disappear. This is understandable, because a completely different life will begin, which will fill the heart and soul with long-awaited happiness.

So we got to an interesting section of our article and we will tell you that here you should show unprecedented diligence in order to read to the end. Not every girl will be pleased to learn about the errors that will be presented here. An emotional explosion after a divorce makes you plunge into oblivion and this is fraught with dire consequences. If you break even one rule, consider that you will not be able to survive the divorce from your husband. Each wrong action will set off a chain of events that make Santa Barbara rest on the sidelines. You may have already completed some of them, but that does not mean there is no turning back. In this case, the main thing will not be how to survive the divorce from your husband, but how not to aggravate the current situation.

Give up the thought of returning everything. Surely there were pleasant moments in family life, but if the divorce became a deliberate decision, then the way back is closed. The exception is making a decision spontaneously and in the heat of the moment, but this is a different story. You don't need to try to find an approach to your ex-husband and rationalize him, it's all in vain. The main thing is to get out of this situation with dignity and never humiliate yourself.
At first, a void forms inside, which you want to fill with new feelings. All this is just an illusion and stupidity, because the search for a new partner will end for two only with disappointment and new pain. No one has canceled flirting and entertainment, but you need to forget about serious relationships for a while. First, you need to completely deal with the past and forget it, and only after that build a new life.
An attempt to hide behind the mask of a confident and cheerful woman. Emotions that will overwhelm you need to be accepted properly. I want to cry, shout or break something, so do it and do not keep it to yourself. Attacks of fear for the future are normal. Do not forget that you are an ordinary person inside and this is peculiar to you.
Never make adult problems a part of children's lives. You should not say hurtful words to your husband with a child, because this is the father of the baby, who for him is the standard of a man. Manipulation of children is the most disgusting thing that can be in relation to oneself, to a child and a spouse. There is only one conclusion and this is a ban on involving children in showdowns and misunderstanding of parents.
Forbid yourself to believe in the past life illusion. You need to understand that if you get to the point of divorce, then something went wrong. To think that the spouse was so considerate and kind and that this could come back is a complete illusion. You are adults who made an important choice in life and now have to come to terms with it. Taking back the past would be a foolish idea. Spend your strength and emotions on creating a better future based on the mistakes of the past.
Sleep is disturbed due to nerves and excessive experiences. At night, obsessive thoughts and a stream of information come, which is difficult to control. 90% of sufferers start taking antidepressants and sleeping pills and this can end up in serious problems. It is better to consult with your doctor about more gentle drugs, and also spend more time outdoors and with your best friends.
Divorce can cause unimaginable pain, frustration and a lot of problems, but alcohol is strictly prohibited. A minute's weakness for a green snake can aggravate not only the problem that has arisen, but also endanger your whole life. The euphoria that fleeting booze will give and will never help to think sensibly, as well as to make dreams come true. Above we wrote that you can take up raising children, find a suitable hobby, start caring for a pet, or plunge into sports. There are many options and you should simply choose one of them.

All of the above should help every woman who finds herself in a difficult situation. We talked about the stages that will need to go through, and also gave recommendations and advice on how to get through a divorce from your husband. Discussed all kinds of mistakes during times of stress and emotional instability. If you collect the knowledge gained in your head and analyze it wisely, you can understand that divorce is not the end of life. Marriages are not always happy and this must be understood. To create a healthy and strong family, many challenges must be passed. () Not everyone is always ready to sacrifice or compromise, or maybe they are simply not ready to create a social unit. There are many reasons, and we will talk about them another time.

We wish you to find what you want in your life and never ask yourself the question of how to survive a divorce from your husband. Develop family relationships, learn new things, listen to the advice of an older generation, and take an example from couples who have lived together for more than fifty years. In family life, try to do so so as not to get to talking about divorce, and devote more time to strengthening your bonds. If readers have additions or their own recommendations, you can always leave them in the comments below. Share your life experience, and maybe he will save someone's family.