How to deal with change. Five typical situations and advice from a psychologist. Accept the reality of the betrayal. "My revenge will be terrible!"

A man and a woman, creating a family or deciding to live together, believe that their love will last for many years. But it happens that well-being comes to an end. There is a betrayal in the family, after which the life of the partners will never be the same. Not everyone manages to cope with the shock of the news of the betrayal of a partner. Then you need to seek the advice of a specialist and follow his advice. We will discuss the advice of a psychologist on how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to find the strength to live on.

Table of contents [Show]

The very first steps

The news of the betrayal of a loved one is a shock. In the first minutes it seems that the world has turned upside down, further life does not make sense, and it is simply impossible to survive the situation. In such a state of mind it is impossible to undertake something serious. Try to take the first steps after the bad news to be the following:

1. take a break. In a state of shock, you can do stupid things. Quick decisions are not right. You can think about what to do next after you can think soberly;
2. don't rush yourself. Each person needs a different amount of time to calm down. Someone will feel better in three days, another will feel hard at heart even in two weeks;
3. think that the worst has already happened. To make the right decision, you need to fully recover. It is very difficult, but remember that any pain will pass.

After the first shock has passed, you can calmly think about further actions. A woman needs to decide what she really wants: to return an unfaithful spouse or to disperse, starting a new relationship. Psychologists advise talking to your husband about infidelity only after making a final decision.

How not to break down and survive in the early days

The human body is designed in such a way that in stressful situations it mobilizes all forces to restore balance. Otherwise, you simply cannot survive.

In shock, a person's emotions are exacerbated, and the muscles of the body tense to the limit. Therefore, the first thing to do is to try to relax. I want to cry, sob out loud - do it. You can mourn the years of happiness spent together, your hopes and shattered dreams. Mourn the betrayal and heartache caused by a loved one. If the wife cheated, then men should also cry. Although many strong representatives of humanity are ashamed of tears. Believe me, it's not worth it. Give vent to emotions, and it will become really easier, the first shock will pass.

I want to scream - scream. Try to breathe deeply and not hold back your emotions. People who are accustomed to holding back their emotions have many health problems in the future.

The deceived girls after the betrayal of their beloved go to their friends for advice. Remember that the decision must be made on your own, and it is better to just listen to the advice of your friends. And it doesn’t hurt to speak out to someone in order to relieve a tense state. It is important if at a difficult moment there are people who can support.

Calm view of the situation

Change is the greatest stress. But even stress can be used to your advantage. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and calm down? Use the following guidelines:

• you can sit, choking on tears and seizing stress on high-calorie foods. And you can try to calm down a bit and think. You have a huge amount of time that was previously devoted to a partner. So use this watch for yourself. Look in the mirror, think about what you can change in appearance. Go shopping, go to the movies, visit with your friends. Prepare delicious food;
• even if the husband did not want to discuss the reasons for his betrayal, you can do it yourself. Analyze the situation, perhaps the reasons will come up on their own. Reassure yourself that the worst thing that can happen in a relationship has already happened. And what happens next depends on competent conclusions;
• when the situation is cried out, the details of what happened are told to girlfriends, then the time comes to make a decision. There are not many options. The traitor can be driven away and no longer meet, you can forgive and try to return. Make a decision that suits you, not relatives and friends.

Before making a decision, try to still find out the true reason for the betrayal of a loved one.

Break up or fight for love?

From any, even the most difficult situation, there are always several ways out. Remember this, and do not despair at the most seemingly insoluble situation. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, what can be done after the shock news?

When making a final decision, do not regret. Be content with what you have, otherwise there will be no internal agreement. There is a type of people who are simply not able to forgive the betrayal of a partner. If you are one of them, then you should not captivate yourself. Let go of the unfaithful loved one, and try to forget about him.

You should not fight for lost love if the partner says in plain text that he has stopped loving you. Maintain your self-respect. Even if you forgive your partner and stay together, the relationship is unlikely to be happy. Few men are able to appreciate women's forgiveness. Think about this before making your final decision.

It is worth fighting for a loved one if he admitted his mistake and wants to correct what happened.

Many men are lost at the sight of crying women. Therefore, there is no need to manipulate a man by holding him with tears, tantrums or threats. He will live with you for a while and start walking again.

It is important to understand that regardless of the decision, it is necessary to remember about yourself, to have at least a little, but self-respect. A person who does not love and respect himself is unlikely to achieve the love and respect of a partner.

Is revenge worth it?

Some women, in order to calm down, begin to take revenge on their rival. This is not a very good solution. First of all, you should not humiliate yourself and show the other woman how much the situation hurt you. Yes, and usually such actions do not lead to the return of the spouse, but rather only irritate.

Calm, measured behavior is what you need. Revenge only shows that you constantly think about your partner's betrayal and completely abandoned yourself. Behave with dignity, and perhaps the spouse who offended you will think about whom he lost.

New moments in life

It happens that after some time you begin to understand that thanks to the betrayal of a partner, it became possible to completely change your life.

Whatever happens in life, if you are alive and well, any situation can be turned in the right direction. The betrayal of a loved one is not the end of life.

Recall the moments of family life. Few people in the family have everything perfect and smooth. The husband always made decisions, and you only supported him. Now you do not need to listen to the opinion of your spouse, you can solve all the most important problems on your own. For some women, it is after a divorce that a real life full of events begins. During this period, hidden talents usually appear, which later help to survive after stress.

Become an independent, self-sufficient woman. Ignore stereotypical behavior. Live life to the fullest, for yourself, and perhaps soon there will be a person who deserves your love.

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By secret…

Probably every girl is faced with the problem of overweight? Indeed, sometimes it is not easy to lose weight, look slim and beautiful, remove the sides or stomach. Diets do not help, there is no strength and desire to go to the gym, or it does not bring tangible results.

A terrible, severe shock, unbearable pain and an oppressive sense of guilt - betrayal of a loved one. How to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to live after realizing that your only one was close to someone other than you? Is it possible to forgive betrayal and how long does it take? Today we will try to understand what it is - treason and how to get out of a state of resentment and guilt with minimal losses for ourselves.

Treason or betrayal?

There are situations in which a man and a woman have just started dating, there are no special oaths yet, and there were no declarations of love. But the invisible connection that exists between them has already been established, and each of them feels a mutual need for both simple communication and sex. This is especially felt if young people start a life together in the so-called "civil marriage" and they have certain responsibilities. What does each of them expect from the development of relations? Without a doubt, a woman is a marriage, a man is not at all necessary. And it is difficult to call his relationship with another woman a betrayal. But betrayal - yes!

Starting to meet a girl or a woman, any man invades her life, forcing her to remake it for himself - the schedule of free hours, favorite activities on the weekend are adjusted due to the appearance of a new person. A woman expects the same from a man - and why not? It is no secret that many men prefer not to change anything in their lives after the appearance of a lover in her, and this seems to her extremely unfair. Men are arranged differently, they love freedom and new relationships, and they really don’t like to limit themselves in anything. A new woman and sex with her are not perceived by him as a betrayal of an already existing girlfriend - after all, I'm not married?

“Yes, we are not married, but spiritually we are already close!” - in despair, wringing her hands, the woman exclaims, to which she receives an exhaustive answer: “But spiritually, I didn’t cheat on you!”

Having discussed the current situation together without hysteria and nerves, you must understand what awaits you in the future, and what place you occupy in the life of this man. It is quite possible that sex "on the side" was caused by a combination of circumstances and in the man himself, except for a squeamish feeling and annoyance, did not cause anything.

But it is also possible that your loved one does not see “anything special” in casual sex and does not even exclude its repetition. In this case, nothing consoling can be said - you did not become “one and only” for this man and the relationship reached a dead end, when parting can save both your self-respect and your peace of mind in the future.

To forgive or not to forgive?

Forgiveness of infidelity depends on many circumstances.

• After the betrayal, a sufficient amount of time must pass. For each person, this period is individual, as a rule, it does not take more than a year. After the “right” time has passed, you yourself will feel that you are becoming ready to forgive betrayal.
• How sincerely does your loved one repent of treason (if at all)? Does he ask for forgiveness and how do his words sound? The usual "sorry, it happened" in this situation is clearly not enough, the words should come from the heart and be suffered. Does your loved one understand how much he hurt you, does his words sound ready to resist any circumstances and never allow this to happen? Men are stingy with the manifestation of feelings, this also applies to their verbal appearance, but a lot can be understood from the expression of his face, eyes, even posture - the guilty person, as a rule, has his shoulders lowered and his back is slightly hunched.
• It is possible that events develop when the two agree not to remember what happened - in this case it would be quite appropriate to say that forgiveness took place, even if not a word was said about it out loud. Of course, they have a lot of work to do on themselves - it is difficult to completely forget insults, and it is also not easy to resist many temptations.
• When does a situation arise in which forgiveness is very difficult, if not impossible? These are the so-called "aggravating circumstances", for example, when physical betrayal is accompanied by spiritual betrayal with infringement of self-esteem and humiliation. It is very difficult to forgive such a thing, and even time here is a weak helper.
• Now consider a situation where adultery occurs in marriage and there is already a child. Many women are ready to forgive their husband's betrayals in order to save the family and the father for the child, without thinking that over time the baby will know everything, hate the father, and disrespect the mother. So is it worth breaking yourself and forgiving what is unworthy for the sake of preserving the ghostly appearance of family well-being?

"My revenge will be terrible!"

Often, after revealing the fact of infidelity, a woman has a desire to take revenge in some way, to prove to her beloved that she, too, can do as she pleases - we are talking about sex with another man.

Let's say right away - this is a very bad idea, which will bring nothing but internal devastation and an additional sense of guilt - after sex with another, you will not be able to think about anything other than "What am I better than him now?". Such self-deprecation can deal an irreparable blow to all self-esteem and female pride.

Yes, now you have been avenged, you have proven that you are attractive to the opposite sex and that you are still sexy, but now you have to lower your eyes and avoid the gaze of your loved one. In general, the situation repeats itself, only with a mirror reflection, and now you have to ask for forgiveness. Do you need it right now, when the fire of resentment against the betrayal of a loved one is still burning inside? Probably not!

How to live after the betrayal of a loved one

Let's say you and your loved one managed to overcome all the obstacles to mutual understanding, he is forgiven and betrayal is forgotten. Very often, such couples become, paradoxically, even closer to each other, the hardships experienced together bring them closer, and the marriage becomes even stronger. Moreover, if two in a marriage survived the betrayal and coped with it, then such a marriage can be called very reliable. Spouses in an incomprehensible way begin to trust each other more, and the woman inside begins to feel some kind of additional confidence. Of course, we can say that what happened has changed both, but the fact that we are talking about true love here is undeniable.

And if forgiveness still does not come, your unfaithful irritates you, and you already have doubts whether you will be able to communicate with this person in the future at all? Well, then really parting is the best way out, in which you can still try to maintain a human appearance on both sides and treat each other more calmly. Close, family, marital relations become impossible for such people, but communication (for example, for the sake of a child) will become much easier if you decide and still part, if not friends, then at least as adults, civilized people.

What conclusions should a woman draw for herself after the end of the epic "treason-hatred-forgiveness"?

• Take a good look at yourself from the outside. What do you wear at home? How do you look in front of your loved one when you don’t have to go out into the world, do your hair and put on makeup?
• What underwear do you wear at home and what do you sleep in? Perhaps there is no need to remind that all these things should be sexy and elegant? All women know about this, but for some reason, over time, they prefer to weaken the “tone” and give up in terms of self-care. Completely wrong!
• Do you keep fit - how often do you go to the gym, swimming pool? Be sure to start doing this, you can agree with a friend, even several, so you combine useful activities for a beautiful figure with pleasant communication with friends.
• Unnecessarily, try not to devote your child to the details of your impartial relationship with your spouse, on the contrary, emphasize in every possible way how you and dad love each other and him.

Cheating on a loved one is a severe test of strength in a relationship. If, after the betrayal is forgiven, the relationship still persists, it can be said with confidence that the perception of the world by both spouses has changed forever - many idyllic ideas about marriage are gone, life seems more real and sober. Perhaps this is the only positive moment that can be found in the history of betrayal and forgiveness.

Video about how to solve the problem

Beauty and HealthLove and Relationships

Cheating on a loved one is a terrible blow.. In its strength, it is comparable to the loss of a loved one, resentment and pain gnaws at a person from the inside. You lost the man you love because he did something you couldn't expect from him. He just betrayed you - vilely, unexpectedly and so unpleasantly. Depression, heaviness, humiliation and betrayal are felt by a woman who has learned about the betrayal of a loved one. All these feelings are a protective reaction of the body to the impact of destructive stress. But it should be remembered that a person is strong by nature, especially a woman, so she should try to maintain her dignity and survive betrayal - this unfortunate streak in life. Various tips and recommendations that are suitable for almost every woman can effectively help with this.

The first steps on how to survive betrayal

Allow yourself to suffer for some time, but without scandals, mutual insults and tantrums. Suffer on your own. You need to appreciate everything that happened, and most importantly, come to terms with it. It's already happened and there's nothing to fix. Now your task is to prevent an unfavorable development of events for you in the future. Don't make any impulsive decisions, let alone commit them. Pull yourself together, even through force.

Try not to make hasty statements and abrupt actions. If you have been thinking about leaving the family for a long time, then cheating is just a great reason for you to do it less painfully, but you won’t worry about it so hard, but your pride will be hurt. But if everything was fine with you up to this point and you just didn’t notice anything, you will have to show all your iron will in order to survive what happened.

First you need to understand whether this is a casual relationship, or your husband has been in a relationship with another woman for a very long time. Could there be more serious consequences after you found out about everything. If the husband has a constant mistress, but you want to save the family, then silence is the best solution. Do not tell him anything, and if he himself admitted this to you, do not raise this topic in further communication. Now your task is to return the former sense of passion to your relationship and eliminate the appearance of any rivals in the future. Do not give your husband a reason to leave the family with your albeit justified claims, it is better to keep silent. If this is a casual relationship, then you should not be afraid of his departure, but in order to prevent this in the future, you will also have to return his love. After all, only because of the cooling of feelings a man is able to change a truly beloved woman. Therefore, you need to understand what exactly caused the cooling between you and fix it.

Why do men cheat

There are only a few reasons that pushed a man to cheat. This is his character and upbringing, once he decided that victory over women would be proof of his masculinity, irresistibility and demand. Dissatisfaction with the relationship with his wife, hidden or already passed into the open stage, even worse, there are only a few steps left before the break. Or love that could flare up suddenly, no one is immune from this. Depending on which of these reasons has become the main one for your husband, you need to eliminate it. But here you should immediately pay attention to the fact that the first and third causes of betrayal can be eliminated only with exceptional efforts on your part. The second reason is the easiest to eliminate of all.

If you stopped paying attention to him, often refuse intimacy, behave with him in no way with a man, but as with a friend, you should not be surprised that he wanted to feel love, affection and admiration from a woman again. If you stop giving him these feelings, he will surely find them sooner or later in the arms of another woman. Of course, if a man fell in love, here you can only do so that he falls in love with you again or just forgive him, let go of this pain and him, and start creating new relationships. The choice is yours, but resentment and pain must be removed from your soul, otherwise they will destroy you from the inside.

Take a close look at your husband, how he behaves, worries, feels guilty or doesn’t care. If you can see that he feels bad, does not know how to behave with you, this is good. So, you can calm down, he is not going to leave you, despite the fact that he cheated on you with his mistress, and not with the first woman he liked. If he behaves completely unperturbed, then you need to prepare for decisive action in order to attract his attention again. But do not show your pain, behave absolutely calmly, even slightly indifferently. It is best if you show negligence towards your husband, so you will make him nervous. All men value only what they have won with difficulty. Once he had already conquered you, but over time these feelings became a little dull, he relaxed and forgot how much you are dear to him. Your task is to make him conquer you again, as on the first day of acquaintance. Study him again, what he loves, how he lives, what he wants to get from life, find out his character from the horoscope. All this will help you to re-learn your man and what he appreciates in a woman and apply this knowledge in relation to yourself.

What Not to Do

Don't think about cheating all the time. Take care of any other things, plunge headlong into them, if the thought arises again, drive it away. Think about the good things in your life. But do not think about happy moments with your husband, this can provoke new experiences and even more painful sensations. Learn to deal with your emotions, which now just prevent you from assessing what happened soberly. If you think this is a tragedy in your life, change your attitude. This is a very difficult situation, but you are able to show your strength and look at what happened from the other side. Imagine you just met, saw your man for the first time. Treat him like a complete stranger, there was simply nothing else between you. No matter how unpleasant it may sound now, when you are already in pain, but his cooling arose for a reason. There is also part of your fault. If your husband tries to talk to you, to discuss your life together further, do not refuse. Take a deep breath and control yourself. Be sincere, find the most acceptable option, do not humiliate or insult him, behave impeccably, let him begin to admire you again.

• The best thing to do in this situation is to forgive. Just accept and forgive, no matter how hard it is. Pass the pain through yourself, survive it and that's it - make the final decision and follow it without stepping back. You won't be able to forgive the first time, try again and again. This is more necessary for you, it is very difficult to live with resentment in your soul. Whether you want to divorce or keep the relationship, resentment will prevent you from building a new relationship that will start from scratch, even with your husband, because you will begin to recognize him again.
• Get rid of the anger and stress that gnaws at you from the inside. You will feel better when you let your tears flow. If you feel better after exercising, go for a swim, go for a run, or just dance.

• Take paints, a canvas of paper and try to depict on it all the emotions that overwhelm you. Get them out on paper.
• pen and paper and write on it everything that you have experienced and how you want to feel now. After you throw out all your emotions on paper, burn it and develop it. This, like nothing else, can quickly improve the state of mind of a person.
• Don't blame yourself for cheating. There is a type of men who suffer from an inferiority complex, and another victory over a woman is for him another proof of his I.

If your man is not the first time he has been noticed in infidelity, maybe you should just find yourself a more suitable gentleman. Such men change just like that, they have not learned to appreciate a woman, so you should not expose yourself to unnecessary experiences next to him. If your husband is worthy of admiration, and you want to stay with him, then do not react to what happened. You have something to fight for, and true love can survive everything. You are a true woman and you should overcome the pain of betrayal with your head held high.

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• How to restore trust

It doesn’t matter how you found out about the betrayal of your beloved spouse - you guessed it yourself, someone “enlightened” you, or the husband himself confessed ... In any case, this news must have fallen on you like a ton of bricks, crushing it with its weight and knocking the soil out from under legs. Of course, any woman in such a situation hopes that something can be done that would help save the family, no matter how much the pain and resentment burn in the depths of her soul. You want it too; however, under the weight of the grief that has befallen you, you cannot gather your thoughts and decide what to do now and how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, how to go beyond the pain, forgive the unfaithful spouse and save the marriage.

What to do when you find out about cheating

We understand that what you need from us is not so much words of consolation as clear guidance on what to do and how to do it. It is in order to help you quickly gather your thoughts and understand what to do right away and what to do a little later, we offer you not an article-reasoning about treason and its causes, but an article-instruction outlining a plan of optimal actions in your situation . Let it serve as a beacon for you, to the light of which you will go, getting out of the abyss of grief.

1. Don't make any big decisions, especially about breaking up, just because your husband cheated. Now you need some time to think about your marriage, to understand if there are any other problems, besides infidelity, because of which your family could cease to exist. All of them need to be identified and discussed.
2. Feelings cannot be right or wrong. You must admit that your feelings of anger, insecurity, emotional shock, arousal, fear, pain, confusion and even depression after the news of the fact of infidelity are quite normal feelings in such a situation. No need to reproach yourself for them, trying to restrain emotions.
3. Be prepared for the fact that you may have some physical reactions to the shock, such as nausea, diarrhea, trouble sleeping (you may suddenly start sleeping too little or too much), shaking, inability to concentrate, aversion to food, or gluttony. Don't be afraid; as soon as the emotions subside a little, everything will pass for you. As a last resort, drink some mild sedative.
4. Take care of yourself. To make it easier for you to cope with these physical reactions, try to follow the rules of a healthy lifestyle as much as possible. Try to eat wholesome food, drink plenty of clean water, observe the regime of work and rest, sleep at least eight hours a day, do at least the simplest physical exercises. And try to find an opportunity, at least for a while, to be distracted from unhappy thoughts.
5. It's okay if you allow yourself to laugh. Laughter will help you not to sink headlong into despair. Watch good comedies, listen to funny songs. Take the time to hang out with people who will make you smile. Life goes on despite all our suffering and the mistakes of unfaithful spouses.
6. Crying is also a healthy reaction. It's even good for you to cry now. Of course, you should not cry from morning to night, but you need to cry from the heart. Repressed emotions will not lead to anything good; you will only become depressed, and this is quite dangerous. So cry to your health! If you can't let your tears flow, listen to sad music or watch a movie with a dramatic ending.
7. Keep a personal diary. Write down in it all the thoughts and feelings that are associated with the betrayal of the spouse. This will help you organize your thoughts, and gradually you will be able to understand what is happening.
8. Ask all the questions you want to know the answers to. Talk to your spouse about what he did. It may turn out that there is a share of your guilt in his betrayal. Very often, a man looks for in other women what he lacks in a loved one. Or it may happen that your spouse himself cannot understand what pushed him to adultery. Well, this is quite possible.
9. Talk to someone close to you or a friend you especially trust. If necessary, seek the help of a psychologist. But just don't try to go through this alone - you really need support right now.
10. Both you and your spouse should be tested by a venereologist and tested for AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. And of course, without this, it is not worth resuming sexual intimacy without protection.
11. Don't forget to talk to the kids. They need to know that you will be all right. Do not hide from them the fact that you are now going through a crisis; yes, you won't be able to. Be honest with your children, just don't overload their psyche with details about how their father cheated on you. And don't make promises to them that you know you can't keep.
12. Try to resist the temptation to start blaming the person who was the target of the betrayal. This is a waste of your mental energy. Blaming third parties won't change anything. Think about the fact that the cause of the discord should be looked for primarily specifically in your relationship.
13. If you are constantly nervous, scream at the slightest provocation, feel like you are walking through an abyss on an eggshell and still feel the physical manifestations of emotional shock (we talked about them in the third paragraph), then this may mean that you have developed a post-traumatic stress. In this case, consult a doctor without delay.
14. Let it not come as a surprise to you that it will take time to stop feeling pain at the thought of your partner's infidelity. Don't expect the mixture of feelings of confusion, uncertainty, and distrust to disappear just because you decide to forgive your husband and make a commitment to save your marriage. All this will pass only after some time.
15. If you do not want to forgive your partner and are set to divorce, then look at this primarily not from the point of view of your ambitions, but from the practical side. Analyze your finances, situation with housing, transport and so on. Think about whether you can solve all the problems yourself; It is especially important to take your time if you have to raise children alone. Believe me, it's not easy.

• Think twice before telling your family or your husband's family about his infidelity. It may turn out that you have already improved your relationship with your spouse, and one of the family members will never be able to forgive him or you: him for betrayal and promiscuity, and you for blaming him for something Or for forgiving him.
• Knowing what type of infidelity has occurred sometimes makes it easier to understand. Was it a coincidence and just for one night, or was it a romance? Did it happen in connection with the midlife crisis, or is it generally characteristic of the behavior of your man? In different situations, the reaction to treason will be different.
• On the other hand, in most cases there is no simple answer why someone becomes unfaithful. This may be a symptom of some marital problem, or it may refer to something in your spouse's past.
• You will have to go through the process of mourning. You will experience denial, anger, depression, and only then will acceptance of what happened. You must understand that this is how our psyche works; but this does not mean that you will never be able to forgive your husband, if right now you are, for example, at the stage of anger. Because in due time, the stage of acceptance will come, and you will be able to forgive him and save the marriage. Therefore, do not rush to jump to conclusions and do not make decisions in the heat of the moment.

What do you need now

• Full sleep
• healthy eating
• Free expression of emotions
• willingness to forgive

Four steps to saving a marriage after infidelity

Your marriage should not fall apart just because your husband was caught cheating. But both of you will have to work hard so that the family does not fall apart. We are here to give you a guide to action.

1. Extramarital affairs must end. If both of you really decided to keep the family together, then your husband should agree never, under any circumstances, to communicate with his former mistress again.
2. Understand the reasons that led to treason. If they are not eliminated, then one cannot be sure of a favorable outcome of the case. If some pitfalls in your relationship led to cheating once, then why can't they do it a second time? Talk to your husband calmly, but very frankly. And admit your mistakes, if any.
3. Take a step towards each other. After cheating, partners can have a lot of anger and resentment towards each other. But don't dwell on these feelings. Instead, look to the future. Turn on each other those emotions that you would like to feel, and not those that you actually feel at the moment.
4. Restore trust. The one who deceived must again win the trust of his wife. You will have to start from zero, so your path will not be easy. The spouse must understand that he is simply obliged to immediately answer your calls, talk about where and how he is going to spend today, always tell only the truth. If he begins to be secretive, then doubts will again begin to overcome you. Only honesty and openness can save your marriage.

How to restore trust

Of course, trust after betrayal can be seriously undermined, so it’s worth talking about its restoration in more detail. A few more instructions to help you:

1. Make the decision to love your husband as you are by letting go of the past. Don't fixate on a situation that has broken the trust between you and your spouse.
2. Set yourself up for forgiveness.
3. If before your husband lied to you, now he needs to completely change his behavior. This means that there should be no more secrets between you.
4. Discuss and set specific goals together to get your relationship on track.
5. Both of you must reaffirm your determination to save the marriage.
6. You need to share the pain with each other. Your spouse must understand that he caused you considerable pain; but you must also understand that it is not easy for him now, because he is tormented by shame and regret that it was he who caused you this pain.
7. Listen to your heart, not just your head. Don't beat yourself up for any reason.
8. Be honest and frank with each other.
9. Do not use harsh or offensive words and epithets that may cause conflict. Do not slide into constant reproaches and accusations. Remember that your husband will only be able to open his soul to you when he sees that you have really forgiven him.
10. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Do not repeat the mistakes that pushed your husband to cheat.
11. Be prepared to seek expert advice to gain a better understanding of what can build your confidence.
12. Remind each other that each of you deserves to get honest and open answers to your questions.

• Recognize that rebuilding trust takes time. It won't happen in one day or even a month.
• You will not be able to completely forget about the betrayal, but you will be able to completely part with the pain after the betrayal. But that also takes time.
• Share your feelings with each other. This openness will help you get closer again, and closeness will rekindle trust.

What do you need now

• Time
• Patience
• Honesty
• Desire to save marriage
• Love
• Forgiveness

Have you met a person who betrayed you in an instant, leaving for another? This is not the time to think about prolonged drinking, suicide, or, even worse, physical violence. We will give you many ways to save yourself from suffering, forget everything like a bad dream and start living in a new way. So, how to survive the betrayal of a loved one?

How much pain, disappointment, longing and resentment in betrayal ... No matter how strong a person may seem from the inside, it is always difficult to experience betrayal or a banal farewell "forever" with a loved one. Sometimes it seems that this black bar is endless ...

When you were betrayed

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one and at the same time become happy again? Do not give up, do stupid things that you will regret later. Of course, we all understand that life is one, and people come and go, but at this very moment you hardly think about anyone else but a traitor. Still, force yourself to cast aside the thought that this is the end of your whole life, and there is no point in continuing to exist. This feeling will pass! Some sooner, some longer. Judging by the personal life experience of the author, parting with loved ones is easier if there is already a similar experience. So don't be afraid to start a new relationship. Even if it doesn’t work out for you again, in the future it will be much easier to survive all this, having the appropriate experience behind you.

Believe in yourself, fight the pain, load your subconscious with information about something else. It will take only a few weeks, and you will surely feel relief. However, for this you need to know exactly how to act.

How to survive the betrayal of a loved one: first steps

Suffer, cry, whine - allow yourself, it would seem, too much. You have to get rid of the emotions that sit inside and eat you up. But do not make scandals, do not insult, do everything in moderation, alone with yourself, and optimally - with a person who will understand, and will not say something like “I told you”, “you are a loser”, etc. . Take a sober look at everything that happened, and most importantly, accept it. To throw out emotions, you can get a little tipsy (similarly - in moderation!), And tomorrow your world will be a little different, brighter. At this point, you must prevent trouble in the future - impulsive decisions should be left aside, let others do stupid things, but not you.

Do you still hope to save your family? Realize whether the connection of your soulmate with this person was accidental. If it was a one-night stand, perhaps your person will understand that there are no more like you, and there can be no talk of the best. In this case, ending the relationship is not always the best solution. Evaluate for yourself how much your marriage is worth it to forgive and forget this offense, and also offer to do this to the cheater himself. Return passion and affection to your relationship, it is unlikely that your “rabbit” will want to leave the “golden cage”, where he is well fed, cherished and stroked on the head not for something, but simply because he is cute.

What not to do

It is absolutely impossible to think about his betrayal all the time. It is better to do things that will allow you to immerse yourself in them, and if thoughts continue to disturb - drive them away! That stream of emotions that is in the head of a person who thinks how to survive the betrayal of a loved one will not allow you to look at things from the “right” angle. Do not consider the current situation the tragedy of your whole life, do not feel like the most unfortunate person. Of course, avoid people who say “I don’t want your problems”, as they most likely do not understand you at all and have never been in your place. Yes, it’s difficult for you, yes, it’s better to forget this cheater forever. If you do not have children, family, common property with him, drive him away from your life, do not let him deceive you again. Who changed once, will change the second - this is an unwritten rule of human relations, exceptions for which have a percentage much lower than you think. The second chance is relevant and effective in about one out of a hundred cases.

How to survive betrayal at 40?

“What we have, we don’t value” is a relevant phrase for individuals aged 15-30. Later you gain experience, you understand how much was not appreciated and eventually lost. That's when you turn forty, when you have lived with a person for a dozen or two years, you treat betrayal less emotionally, you put rationality at the head of everything. You probably already have children who will support you and give you good advice. In addition, the meaning of life will no longer lie only in a loved one. Left without your soulmate, think about it, maybe this is your second chance to start all over again?

Is it difficult to survive the betrayal of a loved one at 50?

50 years in the conditions of modern realities is already at least half a life. For many, its sunset. There is very little time to give an opportunity to improve. On the other hand, many people who have crossed the age mark of five decades manage to live in a new way, find new companions and even have children. At this age, appearance and money play a smaller role than in younger years. In the foreground - reciprocity, mutual understanding, confidence in a person, confidence that he will not leave you at a sad moment when you are sick or cannot cope with all things alone. Look for faithful people, if you have been cheated on - forget this person, and in no case close yourself. Even after the age of 50, you have the right to a full-fledged personal life, which should not “survive” against the backdrop of betrayals and betrayals.

Why men cheat

There can be quite a few reasons why a man is cheating on you. Perhaps at some point he decided that the conquest of women is his craft, and only in this way can he prove his masculinity, demand and irresistibility. Your young man may simply be unsatisfied with the relationship that you have. Probably, he had been planning a break for a long time, but could not decide. Another option is a sudden surge of new love that came into his life like snow on his head. If you don’t pay much attention to your man, often ignore his desire for intimacy, treat him like a close friend, you don’t need to be amazed that he again craves love, affection, female admiration and finds it all “on the side” . Are you no longer giving yourself to him? Sooner or later, he will find his need for the arms of a woman who will be more affectionate, more caring, more attentive with him. If your man fell in love with another, there is nothing left but to let him go to another, realize his mistakes and not allow them again in the future. Having decided to return it, be prepared for the fact that distrust will appear in your life and your role in the life of a man will be much less significant than before. After all, if you have forgiven treason, skip other “petty” errors completely out of attention - this is exactly what the traitor can count on.

How to survive the betrayal of a beloved man? Contact a professional psychologist who will help you find the right path in life.

Sign up for a session to get started. There is no shame in seeking psychological help from a specialist. Much worse is the inability to cope with their emotions, going into a long binge. A psychologist, on the other hand, is the same ordinary person who can impartially and intelligently assess the situation, reveal to you what is imperceptible on your part. He will surely open the doors of the subconscious, where the answers to all questions are hidden. Follow the recommendations, be honest with your assistant, and write a new page in your book of life.

Keep a happiness diary, which can be a pocket notebook or its electronic version. Here you will write down all the good things that happened to you throughout the day. Enjoying the beauty of the rainbow, nice words addressed to you by a stranger, nice communication with new people - all this is worth focusing on. The more positive you see in the positive, the happier your whole life will be.

Do not call yourself yourself, or do not allow yourself to be called "abandoned", "unhappy", "poor" by someone else. Your life is shaped by your own thinking. No one says that if you call yourself rich, but do nothing for this, then you will certainly get everything you want, but if you only do what to feel sorry for yourself and constantly blame fate, it will bring you a lot of trouble.

Finalizing this monologue, the author wants to bring to the attention of every reader: despite the huge disappointment that the betrayal of a loved one brings with it, you have something to live on for. And if you want to qualitatively change your life, make new acquaintances, spend time for your own pleasure, improve yourself and reach new career heights. Successful people have no time to cry and suffer because of cheaters, they perceive any failure as a good experience. "There is no such thing as a bad experience!"

How to survive betrayal? This event scares almost everyone who is in a relationship, whether they are love or even close friendships. Fear is born from the need for personal identification, experiencing one's personality as part of a larger one, relating to it. A common identification is "I am a member of a family union." It is the existence of a "we". If it suddenly turns out that the partner simultaneously belongs to another, this fact is perceived as a betrayal, an event when, without the knowledge of the other side, my social life has changed. To perceive oneself as part of a whole, a group, even of two, is an important need. Therefore, it is clear why the blow of betrayal is so painful. When a partner has another “we” on the side, I become part of the union of three without consent.

Feel the value of your own life, which you have only one, it should not be spent on experiences and negativity. At the same time, analyze the mistakes of the past. Any problem in a relationship is created by the partners together. Understand the mistakes so you don't make them in your next relationship. Therefore, to betrayal, you need to have a position that perceives it as an experience in your life.

How to survive the betrayal of a friend?

Betrayal causes great trauma to a person, since it is associated with treachery and undermined trust as a result. Often female betrayal consists in the fact that a friend could not keep important information entrusted to her secret, perhaps even deliberately used it against you. Betrayal, according to many polls, is what people are most often not ready to accept as friends, because it destroys the friendship itself.

If the relationship with the best friend has gone through what can be called a betrayal, a woman often develops a feeling of hostility to the world, the inability to trust anyone after this experience, especially women who are trying to establish close relationships. However, when a specific person betrayed you, this does not mean that there are only traitors around. At the same time, hostility towards friendship is natural, it can be understood, accepted inside oneself as an emotional sediment from what happened, which will certainly pass if this trauma is worked through psychologically.

How to survive the betrayal of friends? Try not to turn into an enemy inside yourself, not to plan revenge, not trying to prove something, win or destroy, then forgetting and putting an end to the person. After all, such a strategy will not give anything to you or your friend who betrayed you. You will not receive true consolation from revenge, and a traitor who has experienced revenge from you will only become embittered. You will only tighten the knot tighter.

Spiritual practices here teach not only not to return evil, but sometimes even to do good to a traitor. After all, by doing so you will collect “burning coals” on his head - this is nothing but remorse. Only by experiencing them and succumbing to the awakened conscience, a person can draw conclusions. Why do you need it? Think about the fact that a friend, if she was really important to you, was valuable to you, you loved her. Revenge here will hurt you too, even if it superficially gives a sense of triumph from retribution. The challenge is to live through these emotions, drawing conclusions and, as opposed to getting stuck in painful experiences.

The betraying friend did this out of her weakness, perhaps from hidden feelings. And you, as a person who knows her well, will be able to understand this with sufficient attention and patience. Realize what expectations you had for your friend, why you brought this person closer to you, what good things she gave you. Thank your ex for all the good things that happened in the relationship, and let her go. Such a wise metaposition, taking the weaknesses of human nature and all circumstances into account, will allow you to easily pass the pain of betrayal and retain the ability for future trusting relationships.

A difficult question is whether to trust a betrayed girlfriend in the future. Some women find the strength in themselves enough to figure it out, to talk about what happened. The betrayer may even be forgiven if her act was somehow understood by the injured party. And if both women have realized the importance of relationships, they can even continue communication and friendship after going through this experience. The decision to continue communication here is only yours, depends on the circumstances of what happened, the extent of the betrayal, its internal motives, the presence of repentance and its sincerity. Here, every woman will be helped by her inner ability to and even foreboding - the famous female intuition.

Good day! We were together for 4.5 years. Cheating was on his part, forgave. There was a fight here recently. and then it turned out that he again went to that woman with whom he had already stirred up a year ago, he did not directly tell me that they had parted. hid from that relationship for unknown reasons. We did not communicate for a month. Then he began to show some signs of attention, to come up with all sorts of reasons to see each other. Once we agreed that I would come to him for things, I wrote an SMS that I would take a bottle with me, which I promised to give a try even at the time we met, that is, the person made it clear that I would come not only for things, but also sit. It was on Friday, on the eve of his birthday. Well, we sat, and the next day I stayed, that is, I met my birthday with me. He admitted that he still likes me, but for some reason he is drawn there. But when she called, he asked very much that she did not know anything and that they spent two days together. and she didn’t come to the d.r., like she didn’t feel well. I have joint pictures for these two days, very compromising. Moreover, he lied to her that I had only come to congratulate him, hoping to find him alone, and told her that I fell asleep with him and he would go to spend the night with a neighbor, supposedly does not want to I sleep in the same room and I sleep in the same bed. I don’t know what to do, send pictures to her or not, she didn’t think about me when she did this, getting into a relationship. I can’t let go yet, I’m holding a very resentment. Help!

I am 57, of which I have lived in a happy marriage for 38 years, the last year due to circumstances I was in another city, however, in June we had a wonderful vacation together, in September he said that he could not come because of work, but was waiting for me forever in December, And 2 weeks ago he said that since July he has been living with a smart and wonderful woman who is 12 years younger than me and leaves because they have a relationship. I screamed and cried and begged to explain what happened. During these two weeks, I'm going crazy. All my heart, pressure hurt, I don't know how to survive this pain of betrayal, I can't forget for a second, He doesn't answer the phone, saying that everything has grown together. How can you forget and delete me at one moment from your life and leave your faithful wife alone at that age. We have 2 adult children and we are successful people. My husband is 60 years old, he just wanted to live, and now I am turning into an old woman and fading before my eyes.

hello! my wife betrayed me! did a lot. and then this happened! I forgave her because I love her madly. she is like a second daughter to me! she says that she doesn’t love me, and I myself know that she didn’t have special feelings for me! lived 10 years in marriage, I fight to the end for preservation family and wife and she doesn’t give a damn about me and my family! It’s impossible to live like this

Hello. I wonder how long these experiences will last, complete apathy, insomnia, no appetite. We met in general for 7.5 years, of which 5 everything was fine, then I began to notice changes in her behavior, although she seized me, I didn’t like her right away. Then she wanted to be always there, talking all day on the phone if not nearby. Kissing a lot and everything. After 5 years, changes began to occur, seeing less, calling less, kissing stopped even when making love. When I asked her, she replied that nothing had changed, just a lot of worries appeared. I'll be honest, jealous and immediately felt that she had someone appeared. This went on for some time. I couldn't find my place. Then she offered to leave because she believed that I had insanity and that I got her with my jealousy. I thought I'd go crazy. I couldn’t work, I went to a psychologist, I drank medicine, nothing helped. She felt sorry for me and we met once every two weeks and then for an hour maximum. Intimacy was already humiliating for me without caresses and all that, and I saw how disgusting it was for her to make love with me. But I didn't know what to do. I didn’t have the courage to leave her, I was afraid to go crazy. But she did not hesitate to suck money from me, I spent everything I could if only she was there. And I still could not forget her, because her sister, second cousin, and part-time her best friend works in my department under my leadership. They talk all day and that made me feel uncomfortable. I can already say I arranged interrogations for her, like I wanted to find out if she had anyone besides me, she assured there was no one, love just passed. Time passed and I decided to hit on her sister in order to be closer to my beloved and know what and how. When I offered her to meet, she only laughed and explained how it would look, and even more so, she considers me only as a friend and her boss. But after a while I achieved it and we have been dating for six months, but no one knows about it. She blames herself and worries about what her sister will find out. It seems to be easier for me. But then I learned from her that she has and had another one for about three years. It turns out she dated the two of us. From this, everything aggravated me and again I feel very bad. When will this addiction of love pass? How could she betray our relationship? In general, from the very beginning of the relationship, she got me hooked, I didn’t want anything, and then I fell in love. And I don't know how to get out of this nightmare? Time doesn't heal for me. You read forums and everyone advises psychologists to go in for sports with something else, to be distracted. And how to do it if there is apathy for everything. Can't believe that this will pass. And it constantly creeps into her head how she makes love to him and the spirit freezes. I don't drink, I don't smoke. Can't get her out of my head. I tell her that I know that she has a man, she does not confess and says that I am talking nonsense. She calls her sister at the same time and asks who could tell me everything. In short, everything is very bad. I didn't think this would happen for so long.

• Hello Sergey. Your experiences will last exactly as long as you allow yourself to suffer. Accept the situation as it is.
  Your girlfriend is afraid (for her own reasons) to admit that she has another. Sister, knowing that your girlfriend is cheating on you, agreed to flirt and so on with you, realizing that her relative is doing the same.
  If you want advice: let everyone go to all four sides, and start loving yourself: eat normally, sleep, work calmly and enjoy life. It takes 21 days to develop a habit, so be patient with it. Treat subordinates radically - load them with work, fire them over time, or look for another job yourself so as not to see them.

hello, I took a wife with a child (5 years old), she left her husband for me, lived without grieve for 9 years, I couldn’t make my own children, I was 100% sure of her, half a year ago I found out about the betrayal, I was very worried , revised my views, I thought that I didn’t want to make our family happy, in short, I was ready to forgive, but the end is far away, then I’ll catch them in correspondence, then I’ll find out that they call up ... and I don’t know what to do, he is also married, I had to communicate with his wife when they do so. he does not want to lose his wife, but even May does not give him peace, or something. I don’t understand what to do, May assures me that all this is nonsense and she loves me, and sometimes she cries herself, talking about depression, although she is strong. People, tell me at least something, I carry everything in myself, there is no one to share it with, swearers at home ... I’m already tired .. I have no strength ...

And I have pain, resentment, anger and confusion. After 30 years of marriage, my husband left for my only "best" friend, whom I had been friends with for 20 years. I have been trying to get out of this nightmare for a month now, I have been crying, roaring, sobbing, howling, my psychotherapist at the session was crimson from my story, and I have a desire to forget everything and be born again. It hurts me a lot, I got used to the presence of a reliable friend, as it seemed to me, on my husband’s shoulder, but I was left alone. They are now together and I am alone. Emptiness. Loneliness. Pain. and tears in my eyes. There is no joy. no desire to do anything. I forgave my husband - because I love her very much, but I can’t. does not exceed.

Betrayal is not only a male vice, but also a female one!
The wife announced that attempted premeditated murder is natural
They arrested me and beat me up myself and I had to think a lot!
And at that time the apartment was sold on false documents!
Thank God I got a lawyer who unwound the ball and put everything in its place!
Was the court released with a determination not guilty!
For more than a year I could not come to my senses! I lost the meaning of life, thank God the core still remains!
Alas, the fear or experience remained for life!

• Hold on Alex, against all odds, hold on!
  Don't waste your health, you can't get it back, thinking about the person who brought you pain and suffering! Everything will definitely work out! Distract yourself with work, hobbies, interesting people, books, etc., if you have children, then taking care of them.
  I only set myself up this way, although there is also a lot of pain in my soul (almost my whole life is in my comments from 01-17.11.2017).
  And after what I had to go through, especially in the last 2-3 years, now I am left alone with my daughter, my husband is no more, for half a year now, drunkenness has done its job, my heart could not stand it. Only in the last week before the disaster, they spent the New Year wonderfully, together as a family, like a very long time ago, and that's it ... In my heart and annoyance, and resentment, and anger, and anger that he, being a healthy and strong man, brought everything to this , he wasted and did not save his life, our daughter and I, no matter how we tried to reason with him, how much effort was needed to save the family, everything was in vain, happy days of life were lost, pride broke everything further, not listening to anyone, and at the same time pity to him, in spite of everything, because she loved deeply and forgave a lot, and not everything was bad at first, I remember a lot of good things - this makes it even more painful ... With your mind you understand that everything was going to this, but the heart screams that it was possible change everything, but I was not able to do it alone.
  We have to keep going no matter what! Fortitude and good luck to you and to us!

Hello! Here I am with my pain to you. For many, my story will seem relatively easy and not worth attention, but I will write, because it is very difficult for me. I will not write much, I will write only the main. I have a second husband - 4 years of marriage. Child from first marriage (10 years old son). It so happened that our relationship was built at a distance and also continued after the wedding, although he promised to change everything in the very near future and that we would already live normally together. We never fought, we talked every day on the phone. The first three years he came every 2 weeks (he was with us for 1-2 weeks). Then he had to go home for a few months. I moved out of the rented apartment to my mom for a few months. He returned three months later, we went on vacation and he again left for his homeland. I started to have questions and I started looking for information. My God, what did I find ... And I found out about another girl, and about my second wife in my homeland, too, and about the fact that she is already pregnant and about much more ....
And now we have not spoken for almost a week, he is now in another city. He doesn't call and neither do I. I clearly understand that there can no longer be relations here, such a betrayal with shameless lies and sweet flattery cannot be forgiven. But I feel so hurt and embarrassed. I trusted him implicitly... his son decided to call him dad ... and here it is ... I know that I myself am to blame for allowing this. But I can't deal with the pain...

• Hello, Tatyana. What happened is not your fault, there is nothing to blame yourself for. You just wanted to be happy. We recommend trying to let go of the situation. All disturbing thoughts and exciting emotions should be expressed by writing a letter. Allow yourself a free flow of thoughts, it is necessary to express what is painful. This technique contributes to the fact that a person gets from inside all the hidden feelings that do not give rest, do not allow to experience joy. In this way, you can let go of all emotions.
  It is necessary to write what you want to say, without considering whether it is good or bad, not to hide, not to conceal. But it is undesirable to send it, since it will not bring anything good, here the meaning of the method is different. After finishing writing a letter, it must be destroyed, torn, burned or thrown away, and the disturbing thoughts should be released with it.

Hello.
My heart is so lousy that there is no strength. I don't know how to pick myself up and move on. My story is simple, probably like many others.
Lived with my husband for 12 years. Everyone said what a good couple, they were 100% sure of him, they were always not just husband and wife, but friends. It was the second marriage for each of us. I have no children, he has a daughter who lives next door to his parents (we just have a 1-room apartment - his mothers, and his parents have 3 rooms). Mom didn't need it. My husband and I are also classmates, so it happened. We have common friends, we have everything in common. At one time I made good money, bought everything for the house, repairs, a new car. She dressed him. But it was a joy for me - I loved it so much. He also always treated me very well, we almost never even quarreled. I always told each other that finally, there were two halves. There was such joy. Only there were no children. Well, it didn't work, everything seems to be fine. I hinted at IVF, said it was expensive. Maybe I was wrong then that I didn’t insist or didn’t ask my money. But underneath something always stopped. I don’t know, maybe most likely that he was not indifferent to vodka. No, not a drunkard, just if you drink, then drink heavily for several days. And drunk - a completely different person, and sober - gold. For the last two years I have moved to a new job, there is less money, more work. Delayed at work, business trips. But he understood and supported everything, always helped, waited and rejoiced when I was at home. Of course, I relaxed, recovered and thought that he would not go anywhere. I was just sure. He did not drink - the second time he was hemmed. And a year ago, he began to talk more and more often about drinking, that the filing probably no longer works. But he didn't drink. Although I saw that his dad was the same! In general, after his birthday, he decided to exhibit godfather. And he came drunk. I was in shock, quarreled. And in the morning he went to work and did not come home. In general, as it turned out, he had a mistress for 2 years. Found on the Internet when he was at home after the operation. He said at first because there was nothing to do. I went to her, because I thought that he didn’t care for me. In general, he came three days later, asked for forgiveness, said that we were relatives and all that ... Of course, I was in shock, but I forgave, I loved very much. But a couple of days later he left again, because that young lady (although it’s hard to call a young lady, already 42) is pregnant. The next day it turned out that she was not pregnant, but we were already going to adopt a child, the documents had already been drawn up. But when he left, he said that when you have your own, you don’t need someone else’s. She's not pregnant. but he still didn't come home. Drunken calls began about the division of property, especially cars. Although he knew whose money it was bought with. I was shocked. He came, but did not pick up things. He will come, talk and leave. I begged, I cried, I begged. Uselessly. And one fine evening came for good. Drunk. As it turned out later, they had a fight there. Sold the engagement ring. It was disgusting. But I accepted it. the idea of ​​adopting a child was not abandoned. In general, in order not to tell for a long time: he left like that, came 2 more times after that. It turned out (she enlightened) that they had been in great love for two years already, and had already gone on vacation twice, and that their love was eternal. In general, a month later he again went to her already with things, again being drunk. The next day, he called and said to get out of the apartment and a bunch of different filth. And he himself was already choosing a TV in the store with this madam. I got ready and went to my parents, though I took something from the apartment. Then they called me a thief. In general, I had to leave only with things. He brought this beauty to our apartment in two weeks. But he constantly communicated with me: how he lives, what he does, how he gets used to everyday life with her. He drank, dumped from her for a few days. And I waited like a fool. By the way, I lost 25 kg from nerves. When he saw it, he was surprised. Everyone began to tell me how good I looked, but I only needed him and I was ready to forgive him, only to return. Well, I don’t know why, although everyone urged me to open my words to him. He dragged the tires around the car for a long time. Allegedly, he was looking for money to give half, then he found it, but for some reason he was in no hurry to give it back. In general, they met and he admitted that he did not want to get a divorce, he simply did not know how to send her. They found a way out, money, so that she rented an apartment. He also gave me a TV set. We paid this loan for another six months. Actually, I went back. At first it was unusual, although I always considered it my home. She tried not to remember, although he himself did not let her forget - it turns out that he corresponded with her all the time. He took pity on her poor woman - she has no one here! And during this time I was in the hospital for a month, I was sick, I dangled, I followed his diet. But lately, he started talking about vodka again, and they started arguing on this basis. He's all kind of on the nerves, irritated. One weekend, right before the New Year, I went to the hairdresser, and he just wrote. that he went for a walk, to relax from me, I wanted to drink. Well, he disappeared for three days, it turns out - with her. I called all day, wrote, did not answer, just wrote that he did not want to talk. And then, when he nevertheless picked up the phone, he said that our restoration was a mistake, he does not want to live with me, and loves her. But now he's drinking. and problems at work. And most importantly, when he sent her back, he told all his friends. what she was like, and what she said about his friends and their families. She just wanted to separate him from everyone, so that it wouldn’t be connected with the past, they say we’re better off together and we don’t need anyone, but you can make new friends. But not at 45, right? In general, I was left alone in the apartment, however, he said that he would go to her, but I can here. But I'm so tired. Again on the same rake. Friends say, well, as much as possible. What if you can't take it out of your heart? I don’t depend on him financially (only morally), I have a job, I’m the director of the company, but I don’t understand why I allow myself to be treated like that. I'm afraid if it comes again, I'll accept it. But I understand that it destroys me. Nerves to hell.

Hello! Girls, dear, to everyone who is now in such a situation, I wish only strength and patience to get out of it, as well as myself, including. I have exactly the same story, only married for not 4 or 10 years, but all 17, but even more difficult. I also saw the correspondence, said that he was not holding anything, kicked out, returned, accepted, hoped, believed, he tried to somehow behave like a husband and father, but everything was somehow feigned, or so it seemed to me, because this worm gnaws constantly , and there were stories with such correspondence with others before, but everything stopped and I tried to forget it and not remember, but the behavior shows that something is not right, a woman always feels, blocking the phone explains a lot, intimate life has become less frequent, addicted to alcohol, they talked about this topic, if there is another - I let go, go, but did not leave, he says there is no one. But the drinking brought the family to a boiling point, and at one point decided to check the details of the SIM card. He promised to delete her phone, not only did not delete it, but also communicated for the last 2 years, although there were periods where the lady herself, like a leech, could not keep up with him, just like sms in the mornings and evenings, but he did nothing to her for weeks, at that moment when to build a relationship with me, I already filed for divorce, there was a divorce, but they filed an appeal, he asked to start over and return to the family, and then,
after a month 2, how my daughter and I went on vacation, and he stayed at home, he didn’t have the opportunity to go, resume again, but not so often, but still .. By the day of our wedding, he decided to give me a picture painted by a friend, with a story about love, I don’t argue beautifully, but the next day he called and talked for a long time about his girlfriend and noticed that on that day he had an upsurge in mood. I don’t know how to explain the logic and behavior of men, but I can no longer live in lies and betrayal. She kicked me out because of drinking, I have no strength, and then I found out that too. I love him myself, I have already forgiven a lot, but I can’t do this anymore. In my heart, as everything was burned out, a daughter of 14 years old is growing, she understands everything, she wants to be a complete family just like me, but to forgive him again, it’s completely trample on himself completely, if he seems to want to be with us, but continues to do it. I'm asking for some advice or support. Thanks for understanding.

• • Light, dear, hold on. I have almost the same. Such heaviness in the soul, there are simply no words. My daughter is older than yours, she already lives as a separate family, and I don’t even know how to tell her that we have problems in our family. I sympathize with you very much.

    • Thank you so much girls for your support and feedback! I try to hold on, to be distracted by something, but everything is constantly spinning in my head, I analyze the past years, my own and his behavior, self-digging and the same question: why torture loved ones with your arrogance, ambition, humiliate them with lies, not hear anyone but myself? It’s better to calmly dot all the points and remain in front of each other just people and parents, without bringing anyone down with humiliation, or if you decide to be with a family that has experienced a lot by your grace, forgave you your mistakes, then respect the feelings of loved ones and live like a human being!
      17 years of marriage, this is not 1 and 7. In the beginning, everything was somehow normal, he was simple, hardworking, assertive, non-drinker (which attracted me), went in for sports, striving in life, thought we would achieve everything in life on the sly . They agreed on love and considered him a reliable person. He is not at all from the rich, I am one daughter from a middle-class family, I have been working since the age of 17, with higher education. image. We agreed on almost everything ready (mine): I had a room in a hostel with everything necessary for life, he had nothing - clothes and a pillow ... he moved to me. Prior to that, he lived with his mother. My parents always helped us with everything. His mother is tight-fisted, from the first day, both morally and financially, he warned, they say she _uh!, but I was going to live with him, and not with her: when he brought me to introduce her, she said that she was no matter who, as long as he was well; we started talking about the wedding - she said, it’s too early to marry him (23), and threw it to us casually - “you won’t live”, supposedly she lived badly with his father (for the rest of my life it stuck in me, but she loved him and there was not even a thought to quit , I just thought why she was like that), but she doesn’t need a wedding, and she doesn’t have any money at all. Still, the wedding was played (in 2000) at the expense of my parents, they borrowed his friend's husband for a suit, the mother-in-law did not even buy a shirt for her son. He and I helped our parents pay for the wedding. I felt sorry for him from the very beginning, I thought that his mother’s life herself was not successful, well, okay, we can handle it ourselves, the main thing is together, side by side. He didn't leave me.
      After 2 months after the wedding, the mother-in-law suddenly found the money to put up a good front door, not worth 100 rubles, of course. I began to understand that my mother-in-law knows how to cheat well, lie and is very proud, which later manifested itself in life, only with greater impudence. In general, they lived normally, but gradually he could periodically stir up with colleagues, he could not refuse them, he came very late, they began to quarrel about this. Gradually abandoned the sport, and in his youth he was CCM. Here I consider myself guilty, I asked to be with me more often in the evenings when I went on maternity leave. Years passed, they got out of the room to the block in the hostel, they themselves made repairs, his hands were golden, he himself aspired and learned everything, his daughter grew up, sometimes the mother-in-law helped to sit (the only thing she is grateful to her for). It would seem that everything is fine, but gatherings with friends became more frequent, sometimes he came after midnight, and thought that this was in the order of things. Quarrels were only on this basis and more and more often.
      The child was 3 years old when he did not come to spend the night for the first time, and came on the 3rd day, with a hangover and a request to let him go. Let it go. In the family of my parents, this was not and was not used to this. I thought my friends were confusing, because I had never been like this before. I tried to reason with him, and in a good way and in a bad way, it worked for a certain period, and then again - friends, drinking, quarrels, my grievances, he thought that I was nitpicking, arrogant, they could not talk for days until I myself I will take a step forward. She noticed that she highly appreciates herself and does not consider herself guilty of her actions. With the advent of the cell phone, there were frequent phone calls and his answer - “you made a mistake”, detected text messages and his other behavior, which made it clear that the hubby loves to take a walk. There were showdowns, my distrust appeared. From time to time it was smoothed out, I tried to forget, I thought that I would go crazy. But further, the husband decided, without consulting to change jobs (at the factory, he grew from an apprentice to a foreman), the reason for the low salary. I found a traveling job, with a higher salary, but I needed a car, and I would certainly have a good one. But he wants to and that's it, it doesn't matter that he hasn't traveled for 14 years and on credit! I began to open it for myself from the other side. We made a compromise, the desire to sell the block in the future and buy an apartment overpowered me and I convinced him, we bought a simple car. Then he began to change for a year for 2-3, invested in them, sold and bought another, he put me only before the fact about this, motivating that I don’t understand anything about this and it’s time to sell. I had nothing to object to, except that in the family this should be decided together, but he did not hear. So he worked for 2 years, took a mortgage, bought an apartment, a new one, with only walls, did repairs themselves, not euros, but themselves, my parents helped, moved, live and be happy, my smart daughter is growing! But further, after a family vacation at sea, upon arrival, he finds out that another is being taken in his place, for which the reason is still unclear, he worked flawlessly, with pleasure. In general, freaked out, quit. Then it went like this: changing jobs, sometimes he doesn’t like it, sometimes it’s not right, unstable work - unstable income with all the consequences ... despite the fact that having a mortgage, I didn’t think about how to pay (I have a small but stable income, I’m on one place for 20 years). He changed jobs, also putting me before the fact. I tried to restrain myself, I thought it was hard for him, they are weak men, they can’t find a place for themselves, you have to wait and endure. I found a job, in the same field of trade, not dusty - to collect applications from stores and transfer them to the base via the Internet, a stable salary, he is satisfied, I was also satisfied, BUT a year. He had plans to open his own business; He was silent. Subsequently, he informs me that he quit and opened an IP with a colleague for himself and a retail outlet in another city (50 km from us). I did not interfere, I realized that I was not needed in his case, my offers of help were ignored, I fell behind. I decided to fulfill myself in life. He always dreamed of having a lot of money and not denying himself anything. From the moment of his dismissal to the IP, there was practically no salary from him, his answer to the absence of his salary is that we are developing, we need to pay money for the goods (confectionery business). I noticed that I was pleased with myself, but at the same time, gatherings in the garage began to become more frequent (either the car broke down, then the goods needed to be dismantled), while drinking (as a relief from fatigue and stress in a day), it became out of reach for the family, there is no time for us and household chores, zpl from him at 5,000 a month, good 10, and he could lend a friend 15,000. It didn’t fit in my head. If he had any money, his answer is not his, these are common for IP, I saw a good salary a couple of months before the New Year. And pay the mortgage and utilities. every month, we need to dress the child for school, ourselves too, and eat for something, my salary was sorely lacking, I restrained myself as much as I could, I didn’t hear, I’m alone “later, I don’t know” ... We bought a car with a partner to carry the goods with which funds they bought and could not get it at first, she knew that how much it approximately costs, they could not have had so much in six months. The constant hassle of lack of money, secrecy and his drinking led to scandals. He did not listen to my arguments, requests, he simply went to my mother if I started talking about drinking and money (and how not to talk? how to live and pay for everything, I waited for months). So he went to his mother at first for the night, then for a week or more, ignored my calls, drank, took a short break from scandals, and then my mother quit telling me that he was there, unless I called, and I stopped calling her, no need, so they are not needed, since they don’t worry about us. Then he texted with “sorry”, I threatened that I would not let him into the house anymore, but I forgave and accepted, tried to bring him to a calm conversation, but this did not last long. Further, his quirks became larger and more frequent, with his higher opinion of himself and his rightness, ambitions. He had money for himself. During the scandal, he left us, left us without money, supported the house herself, her daughter, paid the mortgage, and he gets drunk, rests and starts working, and goes home again “like a beaten dog”, and I regretted and forgave. In one of these drunken trips to his mother, he lost a large amount of money (100 thousand), for which it was necessary to purchase goods, all documents, a telephone (he often lost them). So 1.5 years passed, I understood that the person was moving away from the family, no longer with us somewhere, began to remain silent more, to come home more and more often drunk, just went to bed, began to boorishly answer questions why you drink and where he was. I guessed what was the matter, which was later confirmed, he had a relationship on the side ..., kicked me out, and immediately filed for alimony in marriage, there was nothing more to wait. He came, confessed everything, convinced that there was nothing holding him there. It's still painful and ugly. I believed, gave him a chance, loved, although I said, if you love there, let go. The first time I saw him so broken, he said that he wanted to be only with us. He promised to break and protect the family from this. Alimony was a blow to him, but he accepted my conditions (But later reproached them with them). A month later, he gets into an accident in the car he bought with his partner. Our two months tried to restore it alone, a friend practically did not help him with this, but worked at their outlet, earned money for himself, and ours was left without anything. Soon, I find out that my dear took out two loans for himself, one 2 years ago for a business car that he crashed (I assumed this), they paid together with a partner, and the other 3 years ago, allegedly someone crashed a car and it was necessary give money. It all surfaced when letters about debts and delinquencies on loans went. To say that it was a shock for me is an understatement. In general, that partner of his left ours without business and with a broken car, which is only for scrap, although they also pay in half for that loan. Ours began to drink more often, he would not get a job, tried to support, persuade him that this was not the worst thing, alive and healthy, but in vain, got a job - quit (problems with alcohol). I persuaded, and asked not to drink, and cursed, brought to breakdowns, kicked out, did not live for 3 months, issued their claims to each other, nothing reached him, like with a blank wall. I filed for divorce. We were divorced in 5 minutes the first time, he did not expect that they would not even think so soon, and I was ready for anything, I was tired of all his antics, but it warmed in my soul that we were not indifferent to him. And from the same day he begins to work on me and put pressure on pity. As a result, after almost a month of all our conversations, we were able to annul the divorce and again decided to live as a family. He got a normal job at that time, I helped arrange installments on his loans to make it easier for the family. I saw that he was trying to improve relations with both me and my daughter (she was very offended by him), admitted that he had done a lot of nasty things and was guilty, tried to catch up, but somehow everything was not the same.
      Six months have passed since they got back together, but they can’t stop drinking, they tried to code, it didn’t help with suggestion, but I don’t agree with medication. Maybe he doesn’t drink for 10 days, and then he takes days off during the week, not to be with his family, but he just stupidly drinks his days off to disgusting, or for a week every day after work to drink and lie on the couch, he wore it regularly, there was a part-time job, which in he mostly drank, he gave little from her, he thought that it was not money, every day almost a check, having a mortgage, his loans, and + they also deprived him of his license a year ago in a friend’s car for driving in an alcoholic state, as much as he asked, do not sit down drunk driving, you'll make more problems, it's useless. Assertive as hell. And he did not pay 30 thousand on time, there was no money and the fine has doubled now. And with such debts, however, he managed to buy a good phone from a part-time job just before the scandal, instead of paying for debts. In short, he deprived his family of everything, helped, dragged him from the bottom, sober as a man, and his hands were gold. But to live and think what awaits you today, drunk or what, there is no one to talk to, if you drink for days, and then resentment, I can’t do it anymore. And I love him, sober (another person, as before), but how many nasty things he did, deprived of everything and still continues to drown his family in drunkenness and does not hear anyone but himself.
      In another impulse, I put him out the door and decided to check his phone, it was blocked all the time with him and it brought me out specifically, after he left this time I decided to check him, since I had been drinking and lying lately. Checked. Has made for these half a year detailing. He did not break off contact with that lady, as he promised, for some time he stopped the relationship, she, like a leech herself, periodically communicated with her and not only with her, by calls and SMS. These are the men, and we pity them. I told him about it, so it’s my own fault why I climbed, and a bunch of accusations that I don’t want to live a normal life myself. So 2 months have passed, alimony only with a white salary of 1600, brazenly said how much the state had accrued, the state took care of the child, he also needs to dress, and his mother said he had loans and brazenly slandered me and added fuel to the fire, and he himself receives a black salary, a good one. I asked for help from his boss, he was a stranger, helped, set him a condition to give another part of his salary or he would be fired. Again, he does not communicate with the child at all. Like we were gone for 17 years. And all the claims against me are from him, that I did everything myself and do not want to live normally.
      That's it girls! I never thought that such a thing was possible in life! ... I am ashamed in front of my parents and daughter.

      • Hello. Please help with advice! From the side it is always clearer what I missed in family relationships? Forgiving too much? It's been 2 months since I put my drunk husband out the door and said that I know about his communication with different ladies. I thought I was lying and there is no evidence. He came to take the necessary things (which time already, there is simply no strength). There was no explanation on this matter, and he didn’t try to apologize, he just snapped and didn’t know where to hide his eyes from me and regret in them. Very proud. Probably waiting for my invitation. For a month they expressed each other's claims on the phone, both said rudeness and nasty things, I from misunderstanding and resentment, he from annoyance and anger. He remained with his opinion, although he agreed that he was doing something that should not have been done, but decided that our relationship did not add up, because I did not stop putting pressure on him and did not want to live under a cap, that it was me I want to live as before, and normally nothing will work out. But he does not try to hear and understand how we want to live with my daughter. Take it as it is and carry on. Here I am, I will not bend. He thinks I need to start with myself, and then present something to him, that it was I who dishonestly behaved. Communication was terminated on terrible phrases. We don’t communicate at all for a month, she doesn’t call her daughter and isn’t interested at all, as if we didn’t exist or she was to blame. It hurts from everything, for the attitude to oneself and to the daughter, for the attitude to life, that there is everything in order to live together as a family, and we trample each other in ambition, and do not understand that life is short, the years go by, and we spray it : he is on booze and lies, I am on arguments that he does not hear at all. How many times have I told him about it! All the same, I feel my guilt that I myself destroyed the family, that I had to endure, I don’t know how to cope with it, I myself became dependent on him. And if you part, you don’t want to be boorish, you want to remain people for the sake of the years you have lived together and your daughter, but I don’t know how to solve this. He does not try to do anything himself, a complete ignore to us. Everyone is to blame, but not him. It is not going to fall at the feet of anyone, and we are not waiting. I know that there are my mistakes, and I offended him a lot, with those alimony (I couldn’t forgive), with the phone, but he himself led to this all, I defended myself and my daughter as best I could, and I have every right to know what kind of life a person leads next to me, because he did not have full openness. And I can't run after him either. Tell me, please, how to proceed?

Hello! I'm sorry to post in this thread... but the topic "love addiction" is closed for comments. The question is this: I currently have such a relationship where my man is dependent on me. In general, as it is written in the article, exactly the same symptoms. The beginning was like love at first sight .. then the problems began. Quarrels and he tried to make me dependent on him. He didn't let me work, he was jealous. Although he did and bought absolutely everything for me ... not greedy. He will buy something for me rather than for himself. This is manic love ... now she left him for the second time completely. He asks again for another chance. Help me figure it out ... is it possible to rid him of this addiction? And make it so that there was a normal love? Or the only option to end this relationship?

• Hello Katherine. A man loves you very much and is afraid of losing you, which is why he is trying to make you dependent on him. Hence arises and jealousy in your side. He doesn't feel that you love him the way he loves you. Once he senses this, he will soften his control. Give him as much time as he needs so that he feels confident in you and that your feelings are mutual.

Hello. Help me please. I saw the correspondence of my beloved with another woman. They talk about love, and about the impossibility of resting together and other favors to each other. I can't write it. We have been together for 8 years, but not married. And this woman turns out to be the same one with whom he corresponded five years ago, there was a scandal, from which it turned out that they would no longer communicate. Now I already know that all this time they communicated. I can’t say about meetings, he is constantly on a business trip in another city, but he comes right next to me, but I understand that everything is possible now. What kills me the most is that I felt that we also said that if there are problems, if we cannot be together, then we will be honest. He is not very talkative, but he says how he misses and loves, and now we even decided to get married. But why is it all, if you love another? Is it really impossible to speak directly. It’s unbearable for me, for me all this time there was only him. Yes, there were quarrels, but like everyone else. Why is he doing this to me? I can't take it. He doesn’t say it himself, so I’ll tell myself what I know and leave. It is right? It hurts so much, I feel it physically, I can’t really occupy myself. She also recently lost her job, but she could not get a job yet. And now I just want to disappear, how to drown it out. I beg you please help

• Hello Nadia. It will be right to calm down first, not to let your emotions take over your mind and think about what will be best for you. Only then make a decision.

  • Hello. I felt so good with him, but now I think that I can not accept and leave everything as it is. This knowledge torments me. Mentally, I constantly think about it, and imagine what is happening behind my back. Why is he doing this to me. He says that he loves, and with her the same way. These conversations are too similar to our conversations. Why does he continue to be about me, why is all this so? I always asked to speak like it is. I wouldn't force him to keep it. And she is married and has a child. Is this the thing? Because of the impossibility of being together, as a reserve? It's too cruel. I seriously wanted our children, although I'm afraid of it. Will he constantly run to her and back?

Nadia, hello! It seems that you have the same asshole-man as I have ... I go through all the torments of the soul, doubts and sufferings that you do ...! I'll be happy to chat with you! Let's support each other and find a way out! Write to me at i9294540 (dog) yandex.ru or find me in contact Irishka Baeva SPB

Hello, please help me figure out what to do next and how to survive it!!! My husband and I are 6 years old, we have two daughters. When I was pregnant with the second, our relationship deteriorated, the pregnancy was difficult, panic attacks began, my husband did not understand scandals. At this time, he switched to a new job. After a while, a man wrote to me on social networks that my husband was cheating on me. To this, the husband replied that they just work together and often call up for work, and this is her ex-young man, just he doesn’t understand everything that way. After that, I began to notice that he began to come late if he went somewhere to rest. In the new year, after the chiming clock, he immediately ran away from home to the Christmas tree, saying that he wanted to rest. He appeared at 2 pm, asked for forgiveness, said that he got drunk and spent the night at a friend's place. But I checked lization of his calls and SMS, it turned out that just after the new year they began to correspond, and for whole days. relations in the family. I believed, tried to change relations in the family, more attention, care, communication. We decided to keep the family together, but as it turned out, he did not stop his communication with her. that he won’t repeat this again and won’t hurt me anymore. They tried to save the family again. Everything seemed to get better, there were no correspondences, he said that he loves. But at some point everything returned, burned again in correspondence. the preservation of the family, since all this time he said that they were just talking, that he was not cheating on me. And for the fourth time I decided for myself that this would be the last time, I won’t tolerate it anymore, we decided to save it again family. For two months everything was fine. well, they made plans for the future, even discussed the birth of a third child. But then he slept again, I found another phone with him, of course he justified himself that this phone was given to him just for safety, but I didn’t believe it and decided to check it for a purchase of a SIM cards, it turned out that a day after our application and the decision to save the family, he simply purchased a new SIM card, but he never stopped communicating. We had a fight, I packed my things and children and went to my mother. but there is no strength to endure these correspondences anymore. I decided to talk to this woman, she told me that she loves him, that he has been cheating on me for a long time, that he says that he loves her and only he needs her, she said that she sent him to the family more than once, but he returned her. family, nothing has changed with us, I saw that he loves me, desires, and all this time he didn’t even have thoughts of leaving me, at least he never said this and didn’t leave himself. It’s all the same if he slept with her, as she says three times a day, he wouldn’t come home from work later and wouldn’t want me, but he never stopped wanting me, I saw that. And when could he manage to sleep with her if he from work immediately to kindergarten and home. And if he went somewhere, I always knew where he was. And he still says that he loves us, that he didn’t cheat on me, but he just needs communication from her. I don’t know what I should do it, after all, the correspondence has been going on for the third year, and he doesn’t finish them, which means something is wrong here, and after talking with her, I realized that she also bustles and believes a lot. I don’t know where is the truth here, and where is the lie. How to survive this? Is it possible to save a family?

• Hello Irina. Try to give your husband what he lacks - communication. Become an interesting companion for your husband, think about personal self-development. After analyzing the correspondence, you can understand the nature of what you want. Perhaps this is flirting by correspondence - start to personally correspond with your husband.
  Do not try to seek the truth, try to save the family. Stop controlling your husband, his correspondence. Switching his attention to another (personal hobby) - his interest in communicating on the side will also subside over time.

  Hello, I’m reading your story and I see my life for the last 2 years ... one to one, you won’t believe it as if I wrote it myself ... everything ended with a divorce for us ... now we don’t live for a year, we live on our own, we don’t live with that one, but I know that she communicates on the same level as in marriage .... I don’t know what to advise you, I understand your condition. ..but life will not be the same as before, betrayal is very difficult to forgive .... one thing I can say, by myself, with his departures, a lot of negative information accumulates, he took off the stone and hung it on me and live on with him "happy ”, Yes, and communication with Madame left its mark, just such a moment came that I realized I couldn’t live with it, despite the fact that I love him very much and we have two children, now I’m trying to live on, I know what will pass, sometimes it rolls, but it doesn’t hurt as much as before, when it seemed that I would die ... ..
  I wish you happiness, patience, wisdom .... I hope it will reach him and he will take the family

  Hello! I had a chance to get into the situation of your husband's mistress, but for now I refrain. I loved a man who did not want to marry me, and after a stray wedding to another, he began to show sympathy for me. Now he already has two children, he drinks, is unhappy in marriage, runs away from his wife on business trips, and she passionately depicts love for children and jealousy for her husband. I can roughly imagine how that other woman feels when your husband refuses marriage, and uses it as a pillow for tears and rest from a controlling and persecuting wife. If she is lying, then in this way she is protecting herself from you. If you loved your husband, you would not let him live dishonestly, and the preservation of the family has nothing to do with it. It is more important to save a person, and all he does with you is that he lies unrestrainedly, and you seem to gloat that he "burned out again." Well, if you give your children this rotten illusion of a family, then they will create the same rotten illusory families according to your patterns. Well, your husband will die ten years earlier than with an honest life - will it be easier for you? Either observe the principle of honesty in the family, both, or scatter.

  Hello Irina! I wish you all the best, the brightest and most beautiful and get out of this situation faster. I'm in exactly the same situation right now. My husband decided that I stopped loving him and decided to find love "on the side." Namely - consoling his work colleague after two unsuccessful marriages - started a correspondence with her. They corresponded, called up more than 50 times a day (and so EVERY day!!!). Correspondence began with morning SMS and ended "before sleepy". This all lasted a year. Of course, I saw that his behavior changed. I tried to talk to him, but he denied everything and said that these were all my inventions. He wrote words of love to me and to her: first to me, and then to her, and vice versa. It seems that I want to save my family, but I just can’t come to terms with such a betrayal on his part. To my question “what is the reason?” he replied that for him it was so, it was pampering. I am completely obsessed with this problem, I can not get it out of my head and forget. Just as I remember what he wrote to her (the content of SMS), it becomes so painful. We have been married for over 10 years. Yes, there were problems, but not of this magnitude. I let him go to her, but he doesn’t want to go there himself, he says that he loves only me and his son, and it’s like that - just SMS. Therefore, after reading your message, I wish you (and myself too) to gain strength and patience. Although I myself think, if I forgive him, where is the guarantee that this will not happen again. Or maybe you and I should also talk to someone? (It's like I found one way out of this situation). The most important thing is the health of you and your children. And they still get what they deserve (from above). Not now, then later. Because I know that the evil done by you will come back to you.

  • Hello, everything is very similar to me ... I don’t know how to survive betrayal ...
    We lived together for 4.5 years, then got married, and before a year had passed, as from one scandal, everything flew into tar tare ... .. there were scandals before, it happened that I left, but they always put up ....
    after this scandal, they reconciled, went on vacation (they also swore on vacation), but they arrived together and I thought that everything would work out, and in the morning he said that he would divorce me ... I left then ... and in the morning a friend sent pictures from the club where he hugs the girl ....
    Then he began to write, call, say that he felt bad without me and he did not know how to live on .... I, too, was unbearable without him, all the years I lived only for him .... He said that there was nothing with the one from the club, I believed because I wanted to believe, although everyone around me told me the opposite ....
    We decided to let go, forget, and start over.... but I still no no, yes, I returned to that topic ...
    The application was short-lived .... I discovered his correspondence already with another, (he called her an old girlfriend) that he thinks about her, that he wants to meet ... and wants more than just to be friends .... and when I told him, about that I know everything, at first he said that I dreamed it, and then instead of apologies (by the way, I never knew how to admit my mistakes, I could always turn it so that it was my fault for everything ....), as always, I said that I was to blame and only me…. and this is a lesson for me for the future ... and in the morning he wrote to her, good morning, and deleted me from friends !!! Packed up and left...
    And now it hurts so much, even climb on the stack .... until I understand what to do next, and probably the worst thing is if he had asked for forgiveness, I would have believed again. Stupid!

    • You wrote about me. Also 4.5 years, however, this is the end. I also believed, because I fooled my head with my “crystal purity”. And he always blamed me for everything, although he himself was wrong. And I also suffer from the asshole who wiped his feet on me for many years. I'm just trying to persuade myself that the universe has fenced me off from the biggest mistake in my life. Because there is a friend who has been suffering with this for 16 years. While the wound still hurts, but, probably, such an experience was needed. I think such men do not change, and when our “handsome men” get tired of another young lady, he will go to change again. But the main thing is that we will no longer cry, because by that time we will be grateful to fate for protecting us from such an unworthy person.

You need to understand that the betrayal and departure of a man is a small death ...

If you are suffering for a man who has left you, then, first of all, you need to distinguish between natural suffering that occurs when faced with loss and betrayal, and prolonged suffering that leads to a loss of meaning in life and prolonged depression.

natural suffering

Sometimes, after a month of experiences, a woman begins to feel that the suffering is too long, it is high time to forget everything and start living in a new way.

but to suffer and feel the pain of loss is natural. The betrayal and departure of a man is a small death and must be experienced.

This is always a tragic event, which is accompanied by pain, disappointment, loss of trust, a feeling that you have been betrayed, humiliated, treated unfairly, left, rejected. And what can we say about hurt pride and pride ...

Parting is especially difficult when years of marriage are behind them.

Many women in this dramatic situation ask themselves the following questions:

- how to survive the loss?

- how to deal with pain?

- how to find the strength not to run after a man and not ask him to return?

- and, in the end, how to believe that life has not ended, that new meetings and new love are possible?

Very often, a woman lacks simple knowledge about the natural stages of experiencing loss. She does not understand how to continue to live, how to behave.

In such a situation, you need to know that when parting, our psyche goes through certain stages of experience.

The betrayal and departure of a man is a small death ...

Five stages of loss (loss) of a loved one

Stage 1. Denial

This could happen to anyone but me!

You have probably heard of similar stories, but you find it hard to believe that this happened to you. Separation and the upcoming loneliness are so frightening that you do not understand how to live on. During this period, a person does not experience pain, he becomes, as it were, impenetrable to pain. The person does not understand what happened.

Stage 2. Anger

How could he do this to me? I didn't deserve this!

Sadness, misunderstanding turn into rage, and you are sometimes frightened by the strength of your hatred for your former partner. Because of resentment and bitterness, injustice and humiliation, you feel helpless and very angry. Anger is always a defense against the more painful feelings that live inside of you.

Stage 3. Activity

You start thinking: “What if…?”

You are looking for possible options for getting rid of pain and changing a terrible situation. These searches cause a surge of energy. You become creative. Use every chance to restore relations.

There is an awareness of their mistakes and hope for their correction.

Many women just at this moment come to a psychologist with a request to return their husband. With a great desire to change, to become different. Or they begin to negotiate with God or the Universe, promising to do whatever they want if the relationship is restored. Some turn to fortune-tellers and clairvoyants.

But all actions are in vain. Nothing changes.

Stage 4. Depression, loneliness

After the rise of energy and emotional outburst comes even deeper disappointment and severe devastation.

A powerful sense of loss loneliness, sadness, impotence, the inability to change anything and general fatigue from the world - this is what a woman feels at this stage. She hardly gets up in the morning to go to work or do household chores.

The classic signs appear depression: lack of appetite, sometimes - unwillingness to see anyone and or communicate with someone, as well as tears, insomnia, or, conversely, constant drowsiness.

Stage 5. Acceptance of the situation and the desire to get out of this state. Journey inside yourself

A strong desire to heal leads you to serious work on yourself. You start to analyze your relationships, your life, yourself. A natural question arises: “Why did all this happen to me?”

You begin to look for ways to heal spiritual wounds, let go of the past, forgive everyone, reconnect with your self and find peace in your soul.

This is the final step that allows you to move on - from divorce to a new, happy life.

And I also want to tell you: do not pay attention to the words of your friends that you should shake yourself up and pull yourself together. Now it is very important for you to go through all the stages of grief. Remember: "The night is always especially dark before dawn."

Loss is a very painful test in a woman's life, but it leads to inner transformation and purification of the soul.

When going through all these stages, it is very important that there are people next to you who are ready to support and understand you. The person who will help you realize everything that happened will guide you through all the difficulties of breaking up.

Who is this? A close friend, mother, spiritual teacher, psychologist - it doesn't matter. The main thing is that you should feel that you are not left alone with your suffering.

stop suffering

Acute grief usually lasts a year. It takes about three years to fully recover from pain. If your suffering dragged on - time to think.

If you suffer for a LONG time because of a man who left you, accept the situation - you are emotionally dependent on the relationship and the man. Exit from any dependencies is not simple.

Any addiction dooms you to suffering.

Deep down you know that there is another life and you can live differently. But for some reason you think it's not for you. It's like being at a table full of delicious dishes and not daring to try any of them. Do you know why? Because you have never had the experience of a long, joyful and deep relationship.

If you worry about a departed man for a long time, then your experiences do not heal you, but, on the contrary, destroy you and your life. Love for you is associated with suffering. As long as you agonize over him, you are maintaining the illusion of a relationship. You seem to continue to be in a relationship with him, although in reality they are not. By not making space, you are preventing other people and things from coming into your life. Only the void can be filled. In addition, your energy continues to be spent on maintaining non-existent relationships, and it is not left for the improvement of your own life.

The inability to part brings suffering. Stop suffering - it means to leave for real.

Most likely, the thought of parting is simply unbearable for you. But remember - holding hope in your soul, you close the opportunity for yourself to become happy.

It is addiction that makes separation impossible. And you must understand this.

To part with hope, to let go means to stop giving energy to nowhere. It means starting to take care of yourself and take good care of your energy reserves. Clear your space of what you don't need and make room for the new.

Need for a man

6-month program: help to survive betrayal, loss and betrayal.

With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

The betrayal of a loved one causes a strong emotional shock, an oppressive sense of guilt and excruciating mental pain. A woman, guessing about a man's infidelity, often does not know how to act in this situation.

proceeding from results sociological surveys according to this, representatives of the weaker sex when disclosure of fact treason loved one will do differently:

• only 29.8% of women will understand the reasons for infidelity;
• break off relations with a man, despite strong love and affection, about 25.3% of women;
• about 16% of women will take revenge on their husband for infidelity by cheating on him with their best friend or mutual acquaintance;
• organize a terrible scandal with hysteria and tears 13.6% of women;
• only 7.6% of the fairer sex will pretend that nothing happened;
• 4.4% of women can offer an original solution to this problem - to live together;
• 2.5% of women will go to sort things out with their mistress;
• Only 1% of women will immediately forgive a man for infidelity.

It should be noted that male infidelity is much more common than female.

Representatives of the stronger sex are physiologically inclined to experience sexual attraction not only to one single woman. But this does not mean that all men are changers and . Sometimes it woman's behavior provokes loved one to model this situation.

Consider the most relevant of them:

Often cheating happens by accident. For instance, after a fight with the woman he loves, the man leaves, slamming the door. To restore peace of mind, some representatives of the stronger sex pour out their souls in a male company or relax with alcohol. But, there is a type of men who relieve stress in the arms of another woman. After a while, emotions subside, and the man returns home.

What should a woman do when she finds out about her husband's infidelity?

If in family relationships this situation arose for the first time, then the man should be given a chance to correct the situation.

Be sure to discuss with him the conflict situation that caused the betrayal, and try to learn to control your own emotions in the future.

There is a type of men, which happy for many years married. But, one day, they end up in another woman's bed. What is it connected with? He is not a Don Juan at all. Just him not enough bright emotions or intrigue in a relationship. After a betrayal, a man immediately returns to his beloved woman. If this is typical for you, then give the man a chance to prove that this was his only mistake, which he will never repeat again. Try to bring a little variety and emotionality into your relationship with your husband, and then he will not look for them “on the side”.

Some male representatives madly in love my spouse, but due to their own physiology, can't resist the "charms" of another woman. As a rule, such polygamous men are very careful and change in such a way that no one suspects this for a long time. They do not mind having fun with various women, but they value their own family very much. If the wife nevertheless found out about her husband's infidelity, then he begins to repent greatly, claiming that he always truly loved only her. How to act in this situation is decided by the woman herself. After all, only she knows how strong her own feelings for her husband are and how high her pride and pride are. It is important for a woman in the future to make every effort so that she is the only wife for her “sultan”.

For some men, cheating is a way of life.. At the same time, he does not hide his own actions from his wife and considers his “adventures” to be the norm in relationships. It is best for a woman in this situation to give this type of man the right to live the way he likes, and to open her heart herself to new true love and strong relationships.

Thus, the causes of adultery in marriage in each case are individual.

Some men are not happy with intimate relationships. in marriage, while others just want to add variety and thrills to their own lives. Constant conflicts and showdowns can also “push” one of the spouses into the arms of another woman.

Some men are sure, what infidelity is not a fact of betrayal So it's just a physical betrayal, not a spiritual one. On this topic, each person has his own point of view. The question is how to survive the fact of betrayal and what actions to take in this case.

If you find yourself a protagonist in this unpleasant situation, then pay attention to the recommendations that will help you cope with negative emotions:

The betrayal of one of the spouses is a difficult test of relationship strength.

If you could her survive and forget forever, then you will definitely build a new family on the old ruins, where relationship will build up only on love, respect and trust to each other.

Modern marriage is like a powder keg, because people who enter into a family union and take an oath of allegiance can easily break it. The reasons for such actions may vary depending on each individual couple, but there are general methods by which you can restore a relationship or simplify the recovery period after a betrayal. Next, we will talk about how to survive the betrayal of her husband, and the advice of psychologists will allow you not to break firewood in saving your own marriage.

Reasons that push husbands to cheat

Should I forgive my husband's betrayal? The advice of a psychologist must be used based on the individual characteristics of the faithful and the specific situation. First of all, it is necessary to find out the reason that prompted the spouse to go to the left. Many modern experts in the field believe that women most often cheat on their husbands because of a lack of attention or out of revenge (much less often). In men, there are more reasons for adultery, among the main factors it is worth highlighting:

Sexual dissatisfaction

It is one of the most common reasons for cheating. Men need not only an active sex life, but also a certain variety in the intimate sphere. In order not to bore each other, both partners must work both on themselves and on relationships. Many wives eventually begin to perceive their own husbands as a home interior, it seems that the spouse is constantly at hand, and he has nowhere to go (“who else besides me might need it?”). Such an approach hurts male pride, and if a person has the remnants of self-respect, he will not tolerate such an alignment.

Incompatibility of life orientations

Each person has a set of own values, ideals and life guidelines. A man can make demands on a woman such as grooming, openness, maintaining appearance in proper condition and readiness to provide support in difficult times. In the case when both partners look at the joint future in the same direction, husbands rarely think about going to the left. However, in the opposite situation, when the spouses move away from each other, all the prerequisites are created for finding a passion on the side.

The need for self-assertion

He is a leader, and for a truly triumphant victory he needs a battle or a long struggle. Her absence entails the fading of interest in the subject of the opposite sex and the search for a woman who will make her partner feel like a real conqueror. The desire to win at all costs is the driving factor leading to various discoveries in science and technology. It also sometimes makes monogamy a difficult test for a man.

Boredom and monotony in relationships

If a relationship continues for more than four years, it has a good chance of turning into a routine where two people just tolerate each other. The accumulated disagreements and hidden grievances sooner or later come to the surface and result in scandals and the spouse's search for consolation on the side. When a man is already over 40, and by his age he did not have time to realize himself in the creative field and climb the career ladder, he begins a crisis. An inferiority complex on the basis of a lack of self-realization often pushes for treason.

Statistics say that the most prone to cheating are men of a narcissistic warehouse, prone to narcissism and having a selfish character. It is incredibly difficult for men of this type to control themselves when a compliment is addressed to them from the lips of a pretty girl. Such subjects change much more often, because they constantly need new facts that reinforce their viability and attractiveness.

It is interesting! Jealousy is a kind of generator, fueled by insecurity and fears. Therefore, men, as a rule, leave overly jealous women for less insecure ladies with higher self-esteem.

Do I need to forgive my husband's betrayal: the opinion of a psychologist

Is it possible to forgive a cheating husband? The psychologist's answer will vary depending on a number of circumstances and the attitude of the spouse towards him. believe that adultery has the right to forgiveness in the following situations:

1. The betrayal was random (one-time) in nature and was provoked by her husband's long stay on a business trip or an excessive dose of alcohol drunk at a party.
2. The man sincerely repents of his misdeed and wants to make amends at all costs.
3. Having common children. Divorce most negatively affects the psyche of a minor child. However, the constant scandals of parents on the basis of jealousy pose a serious danger to children.
4. The betrayal occurred on the basis of jealousy or revenge.

Psychologist's advice on how to survive the betrayal of a man is not to overreact to this unpleasant event. For most women, infidelity causes outbursts of rage and outbursts of anger, but it is worth waiting for them to subside. Deep long exhalation helps to cool the intensity of emotions. In the future, you should not suppress the surging feelings of disappointment and resentment in yourself, but it is strongly not recommended to cultivate pity in your address.

Sincere forgiveness of the fact of infidelity is necessary for the woman herself, since a cocktail of anger, resentment and disappointment is very destructive and can lead to the development of chronic diseases. It is important to accept the whole range of negative feelings associated with the betrayal of her husband, and admit to herself that she is confused and angry. Only after that you need to take steps to get rid of the blues as soon as possible and restore peace of mind.

How to survive the betrayal of her husband and? Psychologist's advice: first of all, stop placing all responsibility for what happened solely on your spouse. In any conflict situation, all its participants are to blame. Discord usually begins where there is no mutual respect and understanding, so it is worthwhile to objectively assess your own role in the problem that has arisen. Women who have experienced stress after they have revealed the truth about their spouse's trips to the left can be given the following recommendations:

1. A conversation with her husband “frankly” must certainly take place, and this unpleasant discussion cannot be put off indefinitely. You should not remember old grievances and claims, but pay attention to discussing the betrayal that happened.
2. Partners need, without swearing and quarrels, to identify those qualities that annoy them in each other the most. Then everyone should express their own opinion and offer their vision of solving the problem.

Even if the rival was eliminated, and the husband swears an oath to pay all attention exclusively to the family, you should not rejoice too much. The fact that the passion disappears from view will not affect the fact that the spouse will constantly compare his wife with his mistress, and this comparison will often not be in favor of the wife.

It is important! If a difficult conversation with your husband is scheduled for a certain time in a particular place, you should not come there with eyes swollen from tears and lack of sleep and dull skin. It is important to take care of your appearance, demonstrating grace, irresistibility and self-confidence at a meeting.

How to survive cheating husband? Psychologist's advice: do not make a deal with your own conscience, trying to return "as before" by hushing up the problem. Aggressive behavior with breaking dishes and noisy scandals also does not lead to any positive results, as well as attempts to put pressure on pity. The negative will need to be thrown out later, directing it to the least destructive channel, without harming the people around.

It is necessary to come to terms with the fact that it will take a certain period of time to heal the spiritual wound after the betrayal of the faithful. Longing and sadness will pass sooner or later, and instead of passively waiting for happy changes, psychologists recommend that you come to grips with it. If finances allow, you can break loose and go on a trip with your beloved girlfriend. A sharp change of scenery and new experiences accelerate the period of getting rid of stress.

If partners, after discussions, have made a balanced decision to stay together, psychologists recommend that they take active steps to get closer to each other. It's best to take time out from work, entrust the children to the temporary care of grandparents, and go on a trip or a romantic cruise together. The intoxicating atmosphere of a second honeymoon is perfect for starting a relationship with a clean slate.

In modern society, there is an opinion that a proud and strong woman should solve her problems on her own and not complain about the difficulties to others. In fact, there is nothing shameful in turning to friends and relatives for help, inquiring about their honest opinion about the current situation and enlisting their support. In the absence of comrades and kindred spirits nearby, you can lay out the accumulated pain and disappointment on a piece of paper, read your own torment aloud, then burn them and scatter the ashes to the wind.

Often, leaving a walking husband is the best option for the development of events. Many women believe that it is worth closing their eyes to the fact of adultery and continue to live as if nothing had happened, so as not to injure children, relatives or friends. The variant of silence has low efficiency, and a woman should not make a deal with her own conscience in order to save a marriage that has long been “bursting at the seams”.

How to forgive cheating husband? : first of all, it is necessary to understand that the idea of ​​​​a spouse is far from always identical to the true state of affairs. In any problematic situation, you should try to look at it as objectively as possible, without speculation and unreasonable assumptions. It is also reckless to passively wait for the unfaithful spouse to come to their senses and decide to return to the family. Seeing weakness in the actions of his wife, the husband is unlikely to suffer from remorse or change the vector of behavior.

Stress after a husband's infidelity lasts longer and is more difficult for women who are not aware of the reasons for adultery and shift all responsibility for what happened to their spouse. In a fit of anger, any person is able to do such things that problems will only increase in the future, so women who learn about the fact of their husband's infidelity should use the following practical recommendations:

1. There is no need to make any attempts to meet with an opponent and talk to her "face to face". If the spouse's mistress turns out to be younger, more successful and beautiful, it will be very difficult to recover from a blow to pride. To provoke a rival into a scandal or to put pressure on pity with arguments like “we have two children who will go through a divorce and miss their father” does not make sense.
2. It is strongly not recommended to show excessive aggression towards the husband. It is necessary to recognize the fact of committed treason, and not go on the offensive. It pays to be clear about your position, whether it's a decision to divorce or to pause the relationship in order to consider the final verdict.
3. It is useless to try to shame or win back a husband by spreading the word about his infidelity among relatives, friends and colleagues.

Some women who have a grumpy and grouchy character, after the betrayal of their husband, rush to the other extreme, and change their behavior from aggressive to emphatically friendly. Some of them visit a beauty salon and a hairdresser in the hope of attracting their spouse in a new way with a bright appearance combined with flattery. Most psychologists are of the opinion that such an algorithm of actions is absolutely ineffective. In addition, false emotions, coupled with repressed anger, lead to various, and at the physiological level.

Important! Punishment (including physical punishment) of a husband caught cheating sometimes seems to be the most tempting and sure way to solve the problem. Love cannot be built on a foundation of intimidation and fear. Even if the spouse returns to the family for some period of time and plays the role of an exemplary father and husband, at the first good opportunity, he will run away to a less authoritarian life partner.

Instead of self-abasement and comparing themselves with a rival, psychologists recommend that women turn their attention to their own development. A cheating husband can be a motivating factor pushing for cardinal changes in life. It's time to sign up for a fitness class, buy a pool membership or buy a mountain bike, take an unplanned vacation, or leave your hateful workplace altogether. To improve life after infidelity and parting with her husband, psychologists give the following advice:

1. You need to learn the art of active listening. To do this, it is enough just to show a genuine interest in the experiences and events that excite the interlocutor. It is also worth considering the interests of the people around you and not putting them below your own needs.
2. It is necessary to restore trust between spouses. It is quite difficult to do this, since it is difficult for a woman who has been deceived once to trust her cheating spouse again. Each couple solves this issue in its own way: in some, at the initial stage, there is control over sms correspondence and communication in social networks, in others, the spouses are trying to build new relationships on the foundation of trust.
3. There is no need to immediately try to take revenge on the faithful through betrayal with the first male that came into view. There is a replacement for an unfaithful husband, but a person who appears in life should be different for the better, so “smacking a fever” will be a rash decision.

How to forgive your husband for cheating? Psychologist's advice: it is worth starting to take steps towards reconciliation only after a detailed analysis of the current situation and establishing the reasons for the betrayal. Betrayal is a heavy burden, and one should prepare for the fact that it can take many months or even years to restore lost trust in a spouse.

Important! Relationships after infidelity will most likely never be the same again. A new round awaits them, or they will completely exhaust themselves. Therefore, it is worthwhile to firmly understand that nothing will be “as before”, and attempts to hold on to the past in such situations have a destructive potential.

Ways to protect relationships from cheating

In order to prevent possible betrayal, a woman needs to pay attention to creating a spiritually favorable microclimate in the family. It's nice to introduce something as wonderful as a weekly romantic dinner at home or in a restaurant. It is worth jointly making decisions and discussing particularly acute points in order to avoid the accumulation of grievances and claims. Spouses who want to improve relations and bring a fresh stream into them need to adopt the following recommendations from psychologists:

1. Find a hobby or passion that will be interesting for two partners. It could be tennis, horseback riding, rock climbing, or a more relaxed activity like billiards or exotic language courses.
2. Agree on personal time when the husband and wife can calmly take care of their own affairs or simply watch the news on social networks or their favorite TV shows.
3. Periodically arrange romantic meetings outside the home environment. A change of scenery is conducive to improving relationships.

Situations should not be allowed when a man constantly comes into conflict with an adult son or daughter of a cohabitant from a previous marriage. Psychologists do not recommend torn between the concepts of "mother" and "wife", so you need to make efforts and certain diplomatic talents to create the most comfortable environment within your own home.

Many women turn to specialists with complaints like “I can’t forgive my husband’s betrayal, but we live together.” The advice of a psychologist in such a case will be obvious: it is necessary to end a relationship in which both partners feel uncomfortable. If the spouses want to maintain a relationship, but do not have the necessary training to conduct constructive dialogues, they need to turn to intermediaries in the person of qualified psychologists.

The help of a psychologist in a situation with infidelity is as follows: a woman is provided with comprehensive support, starting with the search for the causes of adultery and ending with the development of an optimal algorithm of actions to restore emotional calm. If classical psychology does not bring the desired results, it is worth considering a visit to a competent hypnotist. He is able to change a woman's attitude to infidelity on a subconscious level and significantly reduce anxiety and anxiety.

A recognized specialist in the field of psychology and hypnosis is Nikita Valeryevich Baturin, the author and developer of a number of unique methods to combat fears and various neurotic disorders. With the help of hypnosessions, you cannot bewitch your husband and make him look at himself with loving eyes. However, hypnosis can:

• get rid of resentment and anger at the subconscious level;
• increase self-esteem;
• become successful and in demand;
• change life for the better in a relatively short period of time.

Those women who are afraid of further existence and new acquaintances should familiarize themselves with this video: