Family life. How to avoid quarrels? The main thing is not to forget the main thing. How to change your behavior pattern
Since conflicts are a way of resolving contradictions that arise, they are inevitable. It is impossible to eliminate them, but you can overcome them with minimal losses. How do you learn these tricks? Tired of sorting things out with your other half? Then this review is what you were looking for. In it we will talk about how to avoid quarrels and live in peace and harmony.
Another quarrel! The dishes were broken, the husband listened to a mountain of insults, in response he threw hundreds of hard-hitting words in the face of his “beloved” wife. You are all seething with indignation and anger, your heart is beating wildly, your hands are shaking, one question throbs in your head: “When will this end? How to get rid of this? "
Family conflicts and quarrels
- Americans resolve all issues with a psychoanalyst. Recently, however, a new trend has emerged: Europeans and residents of the United States began to turn to the services of conflict resolution specialists for help. Such specialists help to get to the bottom of the cause of the conflict, to bring it out of the everyday plane to the level of constructive dialogue. Since in our life contradictions are encountered at every step - at home, in transport, and in the workplace, this trend is not surprising.
- Statistics claim that the main reason for all divorces is the emergence of irreconcilable contradictions in the family.
- Spouses always quarrel and argue, even if they love each other to the point of unconsciousness. Everyone has their own point of view, and everyone defends it, meaning by this their power. And the reason for the quarrel is not important. The winner turns out to be the head of the house, therefore both husband and wife try to prove it again and again.
- The form of the dispute can be different: you can calmly argue your point of view, or you can break dishes, insult, shout and hysteria. The first method will allow you to come to a compromise and exclude the repetition of the dispute in the future. The second - exacerbates the situation, destroys the relationship, leaving an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul of each participant. Over time, this relationship ends as loving people turn into two enemies.
- The basics of conflict management will teach you to keep your feelings, avoid aggressive manifestations, and get your way, taking into account the interests of both parties. The rules are the same for both the instigator of the quarrel and the defendant. Peacefully resolving the conflict is called "soft confrontation" - this is a whole set of rules that will help not to bring a quarrel to a destructive war and will allow you to resolve the contradiction.
1. Heart-to-heart conversation
For example, the evening was excellent: you had a nice dinner with what you prepared. After the meal, the husband goes to watch TV, and the pile of unwashed dishes is left to you. This is not the first time this has happened. But today you are more tired than ever, because it was a difficult day at work. You don't want to endure it again, so the first impulse is to shout loudly: "Dear, march to the kitchen to wash the dishes!" Stop! Such an outbreak of conflict will not lead to anything good. Perhaps he will shout back: “Don't you dare yell at me! I'm watching the final, wash it myself! " etc. You will get even more angry, which will lead to a major fight. And the bottom line, who will wash it, will not matter.
Rule: any conflict needs to be managed. Instead of heartbreaking screams, come and share your feelings with your spouse. Say that you would also watch TV for your pleasure, but someone needs to wash the dishes, and you are very tired today. Describing your condition, you find a middle ground between submission to the unfair behavior of your half and direct blaming your partner. Often, such a subtle hint allows the spouse to realize his behavior, after which he will help or do everything himself.
2. Asking for help
For those men who do not understand hints or do not want to understand, more radical tactics are suitable. It is necessary to make direct offers to them, but in a mild form. Perhaps it will be enough for him to hear the call: "Beloved, maybe you will help me?" But hitting the dishes on his head or snatching the TV remote from his hands is unlikely to work in your favor.
Another situation: you are already ready to buy a handbag, and took out the required amount from your wallet, and the faithful laments everything: "If you buy this bag, I will buy a new prefix tomorrow!" You should not stand in a pose with such speeches, they say: "My money, as I want, so I do with them!". If you have a common family budget, if you agree on all purchases, then this position will lead to a conflict. Better to mitigate the situation by continuing to explain your reasons why you need this handbag so badly.
3. Justification for him
So, your half is sitting, frowning and alert on the sofa, ready for a quarrel, but does not move to the kitchen. Well, you can try to justify it: “I understand everything, you are tired too - this week there was a lot of work, you want to rest. But, maybe all the same ... ". This wording allows you to defuse the situation a little, without removing the blame from him.
And you bought a handbag! The beloved tears up and rushes in his soul, sits gloomier than a cloud. What to do? There is a choice: you can yell at him, take offense and put him to sleep in the living room at night, or you can relieve tension. For this, it should be partially justified by the fact that men do not attach the same importance to handbags as women do.
4. Truce
He digs deeper and deeper into the sofa cushions, never intending to go to the kitchen to wash the dishes. At the same time, you push and continue to insist. He believes that you climb with trifles, and you are outraged by his selfishness and laziness. Your mutual resistance is a reason for a quarrel. Well, you have to go to a truce: “Honey, I feel that we are going to have a fight. I really don't want that. " This wording makes him understand that the conflict is about to flare up, but you are trying to avoid it. As an alternative, you are offered peace, which must be concluded under the terms of justice. He will have to choose whether or not to fight this evening.
So, you are happy, you sit and hold your purse, and he - at the wheel, laments about your extravagance. In this situation, you need to firmly tell him (only without aggressive notes in his voice!) That these conversations will lead to a quarrel that you want to avoid.
5. Advantageous offer
While your soul mate is thinking about what to do, you can use one technique. Offer him your way out of this situation: one that will satisfy your requirements, but will also noticeably reduce his difficulties. There will be a compromise that will restore your dignity and not humiliate it. For example: "Today you will wash the dishes, and tomorrow I will do it."
An even better option: “Let's make this rule: he who cooks does not wash the dishes. When you cook, I will wash. " And do not be boring, let him think a little, watch his football. At the same time, the pressure is increased, but softened. That is, the requirements remained, but you gave a constructive proposal to fulfill them.
You have arrived home, and your spouse is still excited about your purse. Don't shut up or frown. Look for compromises: “If you want a set-top box, buy it! Let's just close the topic of my purchase. Good?".
6. Elimination of aggression
During the conversation, you should carefully monitor the tone of your speech. Even when he indulges in taunts at you. It is worth remembering the main thing: you need to achieve your goal without quarrels! Any irony or anger in response will surely provoke them. According to conflictologists, it is this way of behavior that allows a person to prove him wrong: when you calmly react to all the mockery and continue human normal communication.
His verdict: you are a victim of fashion, a spender and a ragmaid! You should not tell your husband in response that he has a low level of intelligence, and generally keep quiet about his figure with a belly! It is already wound and taut like a spring. Speeches like this will only stir up conflict.
7. Never sort things out in public
Remember the old Russian proverb about dirty linen, which cannot be taken out of the hut. So, it is relevant in our time. Public skirmishes not only harm your couple's image, they also make your privacy vulnerable. After such a showdown, everyone around will know about the disagreement between you and the number of advisers and those who want to get into your personal relationship will automatically increase several times, and this will inevitably lead to new quarrels.
8.It will be difficult for your significant other to know what exactly you want if your desires are not voiced
Therefore, make it a rule to say your wishes out loud. Do not be silent if some action of your partner offends you. Discuss this point, and there will be fewer reasons for quarrels.
9. Don't let anyone get into your relationship.
Our parents want us well and in this regard, they are constantly trying to change us for the better. However, with age, they forget that they are not small children, but already formed personalities. Make it clear to your family that you have grown up, and you can easily solve important life issues yourself. The husband should stand up for his wife and protect him from the attacks of his mother-in-law, and the wife simply needs to convince her parents that only she and no one else can evaluate the success of her chosen one.
10. Stop on time!
When a fight is inevitable and emotions overwhelm you, it is better to leave. No, of course, we are not calling, like an ostrich, to hide its head in the ground. You just need to wait a while, and when the emotions subside, calmly discuss the situation. Remember that an insulting word thrown in the heat of the heat of a quarrel can become that frontier that will forever separate you from your loved one.
11. Don't let everyday things "gobble up" love
As practice shows, quite ordinary things become the cause of quarrels between spouses - a garbage can not taken out in time, cleaning an apartment and similar trifles. We propose to divide the economic tasks equally and to fulfill them together as much as possible. By working side by side, spouses will be able to find mutual understanding and understand each other better.
12. Paint your life bright colors
Try to share positive memories with you and your spouse. It brings people together the best. Going out into nature with friends, going to the movies, going to theaters or just taking a walk in the park. All this will help you become an inseparable couple.
13. Always keep in touch with your significant other.
Work takes up most of our time, we spend at least 8 hours a day on it, and then spend time on the road. At home, a routine life and a long-awaited dream await us. If we analyze this situation, it will become clear that we see our relatives very little. Quite often, this leads to quarrels and even serious quarrels in the family. In order to avoid such a situation, we suggest the following. Make sure to call your husband (wife) during the day. Remember, your mental connection should not be interrupted. It's great if you manage to chat for 10-20 minutes. When time permits, you can have lunch together or go home from work together.
14. Compliments
The final chord in a dispute about dishes, when your faithful did not agree to wash them, will be a sincere compliment.
Tell him: “Darling, I feel that we can quarrel, and this can be the reason for divorce. Where can I then find such a wonderful spouse? " So in the form of gentle resistance, you convey to his consciousness a request to sincerely help smooth out the situation. If he loves you, then he will definitely go to wash the dishes. No arguing, shouting and swearing.
Handbag. You are on the edge. The thought pulsates only one: "I would throw an unfortunate bag at him, go to Masha and sit together, discussing these goats!" Patience! Assault fight! Use compliment tactics. It may well be that the phrase will help: “Darling, you are the most generous man in the world! And our income allows us to make purchases for ourselves. It's amazing that this particular handbag touched you so much! "
15. Learn the language of love together
Remember, courtesies are the language of love that shouldn't be forgotten. Give flowers, compliment and just say sweet words to each other.
16. Don't forget about sex
Intimacy is one of the components of a harmonious married life. If problems arise in bed, then quarrels cannot be avoided.
17. Build a bridge of trust
Family relationships are a complex process that can be made as simple as possible on one condition. If you love and trust your soul mate, then your relationship, with all its imperfection, will be just perfect. Make sure that your partner can openly talk about what worries him, and together you will find a way out of this situation.
This is a typical problem for me. First of all, in communicating with my daughter. Of course, in order to keep all fights to a minimum, you need to regularly and. But if what I wrote about in previous articles is mastered, and the breakdowns have not completely passed ... Some simple way to calm down quickly can help you.
I'll show you how to prevent a fight with anyone - with your kids, spouse, coworkers or parents ... This method is taken from, and I have been mastering it with enthusiasm for a week now. Of course, this is just one small "feature" from the course, but I really liked it.
So how to calm down and prevent an argument at a critical moment?
I think you've heard of such methods sometime, but be sure to practice doing it in practice. Before the start of the fight, when you start to boil, do one breathing exercise: inhale for 8 seconds, hold 32 seconds, exhale for 16 seconds. Hard? But that's why this method works! You did the exercise, knocked down your conflicting mood, if you feel that you are not completely finished, do the task again. The head cools quickly.
Let me remind you once again: this method cannot be the only prevention of quarrels. It is more important to take care of yourself, to monitor your energy level ... Then a short breathing pause will be enough to relieve irritation. In addition, everyone has difficult periods when it is not possible to replenish the waste of energy. And if this is only a temporary difficulty, then nothing terrible will happen, there will be no depression. However, a method to calm down quickly will be beneficial.
And the last parting word: be attentive to their emotions... When thinking about how to prevent an argument, do not suppress your emotions. Get rid of negativity in a timely manner. If you have unspoken irritation or resentment inside you, try to write everything down on paper. You can express emotions in dance or some kind of physical exercise. You can write “letters of grievance” and then burn them. Ideally, after having calmed down, talk to your spouse. Find out any controversial points, share your feelings ... But calmly, without accusations. It is very important not to drain negative emotions on loved ones. At a critical moment, it is better to restrain yourself and remain silent than to inflict meaningless insults on each other, to say what you will regret later. And breathing exercise is a smart way to stop, quickly calm down and look at the situation adequately. To prevent a quarrel, it is necessary that at least one party to the conflict cool down, show wisdom and try to solve the problem peacefully.
Learning to avoid quarrels with a husband (wife). Some examples and Ways of manipulation in relationships.
Good time friends!
You can write a lot about manipulation, it surrounds us in all spheres of life. But now, about some moments of manipulation in a relationship in order to get what you want and avoid quarrels.
In general, manipulation should not be prejudiced, although one should try not to use it, because manipulation itself means insincerity. But one way or another, we often use it in a hidden, very hidden or direct form, wanting to influence a decision, achieve something or avoid something. Sometimes we may not even notice how we begin to manipulate, and not rarely we do it on purpose, someone occasionally, someone constantly.
Knowing the techniques of manipulation is beneficial and necessary, it is another matter to use it wisely and think whether it is necessary at all, especially in relations with a loved one, there should be sincerity and trust, and not manipulation. Manipulation is only as something in communication that can help, and NOT THE BASIS of this relationship.
When can manipulation be applied.
It is not worth trying to achieve something, throwing a saber on the head, starting an argument, shouting or crying - this simply will not help.
Some men will of course give in, there are those who always or often give in to women, do not want to argue with them, or even used to poke them, but if you know that your husband is stubborn like a bull or he has his own opinion, there are principles and he likes to do it his own way, it is better to take a different approach.
A man, on the other hand, does not have to be manipulated in order to achieve his goal, he can simply behave like a man and insist on his own, although in some cases manipulation will be on the case .. Although I am generally against manipulation as such, but in some cases, perhaps this is all that can be done.
I will give you one example of manipulation in some humorous form, but I think you get the gist.
And so, methods of manipulation and examples:
For example, a wife understands that her husband seeks to be a leader in theirs, and she does not mind if her beloved man is with her. But she, like any of us, has her own desires and they often go against the desires of a loved one. What to do if, well, you really want something, but you don't want to argue or offend your beloved either. Then you can use some manipulation.
Example: Both gathered at the weekend to relax and go somewhere together. And my husband says, - "Darling, we are going to football today." The wife replies, - "Yes, football is very expensive, but you and I have not gone to the cinema for so long, and today there will be such a cool film, and there, by the way, an actor you like very much will play (here it is important to find an element of at least something interesting to him) ... and I will be very pleased if we go to see this film. " The husband decides for a few seconds and says, "Okay, let's go to the cinema." The wife answered, - "As you say, beloved, you are so caring and sweet ... mmm."
And they both go to the movies happy. At the same time, the husband thinks that the whole decision was made only by him, and a wise wife does not care who considers herself whom, the main thing is that she has achieved her goal.
It is important to use manipulation so that it does not harm a loved one.
One of the methods of manipulation is to arouse interest in oneself.
This is not the best manipulation, since there is a game with a person's feelings, but easy manipulation can be applied, it's like using light flirting 
to warm up stagnant relationships, to bring in a fresh stream, some intrigue and to raise interest in oneself.
Such manipulation can stir up the partner's dying feelings, but only if these feelings exist at all.
The fact is that there are many people who appreciate someone who is not just attractive to them, but who is not submissive to them. But as soon as they get their way, for example, a guy seduces a girl, she falls in love and gives him her attention, and he begins to grow cold towards her.
Some women may now think that all men are like that, but this is not so, among women there are also enough of them. The whole point here is in psychology, or rather in a person's unstable self-esteem, when it is important for him not so much to be close to someone as an element of personal victory over someone. "I took possession of him, his feelings and body (not uncommon, just the body - this is more about the guys)."
And the "winner" after devalues the one who gave him his attention. For such people, it is not the fact of the relationship itself that is important, but the feeling of victory.
Thus, they try to strengthen their self-esteem, to feel their importance, strength and confidence (more for men). Necessity, attractiveness and male attention (for women).
Such people may seem to you to be strong, independent and confident and you will not even think that there is something behind all this, but it is so.
Men often cheat, not in order to get sex, but with the aim of another personal victory in order to reinforce their own. These people need to conquer someone in all spheres of life (in relationships, in professional activity, in a certain circle of people) in order to feel more confident.
By the way, all this does not lie on the surface and people, in the overwhelming majority, behave so unconsciously, not knowing the reasons for their behavior. Although all this is certainly fixable if the person himself wants to.
So how do you get the attention of such a partner back?
The less you show (show) your attention to him, the closer he will be. That is, the further with him, the closer he is - such people need to be kept at some distance if you want to maintain his attention to yourself. Although here a reasonable question may arise - is such a person needed at all.
In general, if you want to return his favor, change something in your behavior - noticeably reduce your attention and add independence to yourself, move away in some way, go into another life - pay more attention to yourself and your personal affairs.
This "manipulation behavior", among other things, introduces intrigue and can re-heat feelings and interest in you.
But if a person is dear to you, you need to be careful with this. If you right now decide to apply the above, then keep in mind that you must first figure out what your loved one is - is he really the one I described above or is he still attentive to you, cares about you, has feelings for you. After all, it is important for yourself to understand whether it is worth resorting to such actions so as not to make things worse.
Manipulation methods to influence your soul mate.
I already wrote earlier that it is possible to remake a person, but it is extremely difficult, and if only he himself has a desire to change. It is here that it is best to use manipulation in order to covertly influence him, in order to first of all cause his own desire to change.
If you clearly you will try to influence him, you will insist on something, constantly point out his mistakes, reproach, etc., this will certainly cause resistance and aggression, no one likes when he is taught and instructed, especially men. Remember yourself, what do you feel when they try to impose something on you, teach something, and even if something is persistently advised? Usually people feel resistance within, rejection and irritation. This is where manipulation can help.
Feelings-action-words works well in this case. In one word, it is very difficult to achieve something. If a person has strong feelings for you, it is easier to influence him, and also add some actions and the necessary words to this.
Example: Your wife constantly removes your tools and then it is impossible to find them or your husband does not put anything in place. Here you need to come up with a situation, provoke it when something is badly needed, but there is no time. If we are talking about the husband throwing things around and you cannot teach him to put them in place, we need to raise his interest.
For example, he loves to go to billiards, play and chat with friends, and perhaps there is some thing that he constantly takes with him going there and it is very important to him. Hide it just so that it looks naturally as if she herself got lost - let him look.
And then the fox wife says, "Oh, dear, I came up with this so that next time you don't have to be nervous and search so much, let you have only your place where you will put things important for you."
You can do this even with socks, but your words should not contain reproach, ridicule or the type, - "Serves you right" is nothing absolutely will not give... This action can be repeated several times if it does not come right away. And it is also important to praise for the result, praise is generally an important element in influencing a person.
In short, you need to find what is important for a person and think of something like that.
Manipulation techniques to avoid quarrels.
1) If you see that the husband (wife) is trying to run over, that something is presenting or accusing, it is not necessary to meet everyone with hostility, usually this is an extreme measure. In response to the accusing partner's question - "And why are you ... or are you such (oh) syakaya (oh) ...." it’s as if you didn’t notice the collision at all, and then, take the conversation aside, switch it to what is really more important ..
Such a reaction of yours, at first, can make a person angry (do not pay attention if the reason and the situation is not worth it), and later it will bear fruit, it works very well.
In a quarrel, it is generally better to behave somewhat playful, humorous and not biased towards words, to restrain your first emotional impulse () and not necessarily try to answer - so for the vases themselves it will be easier to get out of the situation, and, moreover, come out the winner. It is difficult to attack someone who does not pay attention to it and at the same time treats everything with a laugh.
2) It is possible and sometimes necessary, just to be silent. The ability to keep silent is an art, and a lot can be expressed with a look. For example, you can show in your eyes the question - "Are you sure (a) in your words?", But it should be somehow sincere, and not arrogant with malice.
Or firmly, without superiority, looking into your eyes, mentally ask - "I hear you, but I can't believe that you are telling me this" - this is if your partner is trying to hook you, offend you.
3) There is another good option - agree... Answering the presented kind- "Why did you do that again, how many times did I say (a) .." say, - "I agree with you, and you are right (a) that ..., but ..... "and continue to give your argument. By agreeing with the attacker, you knock out his weapon and soften the ardor, and then you give out your own why you did this, but here it is important to provide a good argument.
Finally, how to avoid a quarrel with your husband (wife): The key to happy love and harmonious relationships lies deep in our souls. During a quarrel, you may have bad feelings, and there will be a desire to say nasty things, but I assure friends, it is better to refrain from words for which you will torment yourself later.
Do not remember long-standing quarrels and bad others. Yes, they were and may even be terrible, but remembering the past will you do something better for yourself or your friend (girlfriend)? You will not change him (her) by this, you will only stir everything up and someday you will be hated for it.
Here it is the same as if we are talking about our inner development, where we don’t need to think about what happened in the past, but it’s important to think about what can be done and what you can become - the same is in relationships.
Discord between spouses happens in every family, but is this always the norm? What motivates people when they start fighting? So that angry arguments do not become a common thing and do not destroy the family, it is urgent to take measures to prevent them.
First of all, you need to find out who is showing aggression during fights? It often happens that there are not even more or less worthwhile problems, but one of the spouses begins to lose his temper, raising his voice. And even if the reasons seem serious enough, you need to be able to control yourself, otherwise you can forget about a happy relationship.
This is very important, because anger is on the list of the seven deadly sins. To curb this unacceptable feeling, you need to do a lot of work on yourself. There are some basic tips for avoiding family fights by managing your anger.
First, you need to take responsibility for swearing with your spouse. Outbursts of anger are often caused by unstable self-esteem - in this case, a person tries to assert himself by yelling at his wife or husband. It is also necessary to learn tolerance and acceptance, to master the art of compassion. When a person's fists or jaws are clenched, this is a sure sign that he will soon begin to take out his anger. By paying attention to these precursors, you can learn how to prevent scandals.
To do this, you need to ask yourself "What do I want to achieve with such a reaction?" It must be remembered that getting rid of anger will not come in a day or a week, but gradually outbursts of rage will become more rare and mild. Leaving problems at work outside the doorstep is one of the most important skills for preventing quarrels. To understand how to avoid a quarrel with your husband, you must strictly adhere to this rule and stop your spouse's attempts to throw out negative emotions at home. Such a close person, like a husband or wife, is not worthy of taking out the wrongs inflicted by others. If you have any problems at work, you just need to talk to your spouse, consult. And if a decision is made to figure it out on your own, then you need to do so without interfering with a loved one. Jealousy is also a common cause of squabbles. It, as a rule, is also associated with low, unstable self-esteem.
You need to appreciate yourself and not be nervous about all sorts of trifles. If a man sometimes looks around, this still does not mean anything, he can also look not only at women, but also simply at buildings or shop windows. Can't gouge out his eyes now. But, of course, everything should be within reasonable limits. If the husband really began to pay a lot of attention to other women, do not rush to make trouble and file for divorce. Try to understand what is causing this behavior.
You should not immediately throw yourself at your husband in hysterical fits, it is better to wait and try to calm down. Perhaps the problem will not be so serious, but, in any case, it should be solved in a calm atmosphere, assessing the situation with a sober mind.
Men, as a rule, are more direct in their statements, they do not seek to "fog up". Therefore, in order to find out from the husband why he is doing one way or another, it is easier to just ask him about it, then the situation can become much clearer. True, for the same reason, when asking a question, you need to decide in advance how to relate to a straightforward answer.
It is especially important for a woman not to inflict blows on male pride. While sometimes your spouse deserves it, you should choose your expressions carefully in any situation. It is necessary to follow not only what to say, but also how to pronounce it. You can not allow a mocking tone either in relation to him or to yourself. After all, all families quarrel, but not all of them survive. If in the house the husband receives constant reproaches, he may prefer another who will appreciate him.
A woman, in turn, should also not tolerate a disrespectful attitude towards herself. Sometimes, it is better to end a relationship if it brings a lot of negative emotions. Another good way to avoid an argument is to start talking about your husband's problems yourself. You need to show tenderness and care, try to unobtrusively help him. Perhaps it is this quality of empathy that attracts him most to his wife. In any case, it is necessary to distract the spouse from the problems so that he goes home as if on a holiday. Then no one wants to quarrel, trust and mutual understanding will be established in the family. Of course, a wife should be sympathetic to the shortcomings of her man, but there is a misconception that she should endure and sacrifice her self-esteem in order to preserve the relationship. But this is not at all the case! A real man will not like this; he would rather choose a companion who knows his own worth. And if he does not go to her, then betrayal will become inevitable.
The wise behavior of a woman is that she honors her husband, supports him, but also demands respect and respect for herself. Only on the basis of mutual respect can a happy marriage be built. However, it is not always so easy to achieve it. If you still want to keep the relationship, first you need to learn the art of pleasing your spouse. This means doing for him what is needed at the moment. This skill will improve the quality of the relationship.
Oddly enough, even family quarrels can be beneficial. Social psychologist Mara Julius found that men and women who constantly suppress their anger are significantly more likely to die of heart failure. Therefore, you should not restrain anger, it is better to do so that it does not arise.
To avoid quarrels and disagreements, you need to learn how to communicate with each other. In a family, mutual respect and understanding of the spouse is especially important. Anger will inevitably ruin the relationship and undermine the trust in the loved one. Therefore, it is so important to curb this feeling.
Even in the happiest and most harmonious families, conflicts happen. Unfortunately, my family is no exception. At first, disagreements that turned into quarrels upset me, but after living in marriage for several years, I realized that if I learn to get out of conflict situations, then everything is not so scary. Of course, the best bet is always a compromise, but it should work for both. Therefore, it is even better not to lead to a scandal.
Let's take a look at a few effective ways to avoid quarrels. The items below are suitable for both men and women.
1. Control your emotions. Dialogue with a husband or wife is not the time to let off steam, so in order to achieve constructive communication, you must first choose a calm, friendly tone. Even if you have a complaint about your partner, you can express it in a mild form.
2. Swap places. When you talk to a loved one, even if he is very wrong, you do not need to use attack tactics. In a marital relationship, she will not give any results, and with the help of a cry, you can rarely get anything from a person. Just swap places for a couple of seconds and imagine that you yourself are in the guilty place.
3. Convenient time for talking. Whatever the urgent issue, women know to meet their husbands, feed him, and only then start a conversation. The same can be said about men: if your lady is upset about something, the day has not worked out, the children are ill, it is better to postpone the conversation for a more convenient time.
4. Don't accumulate sins. Problems need to be addressed as they arise - we all know this phrase and use it when we think about the future. But it is also perfect in a situation where problems have already accumulated and threaten to overflow. Do not collect claims against your partner, it is harmful to both.
5. Don't be sarcastic. Irony and sarcasm, as a rule, serve only as an instigator of conflict. During a serious conversation, it is not only inappropriate, but can also lead to an increase in conflict.
6. Do not harbor resentment. Your spouse is not a telepathic person to guess that any of his actions are unacceptable to you. Speaking out loud about what offends you gives you the opportunity to get to know you more and prevent this from happening.
7. Don't screw yourself up. Everyone knows the picture when the husband is delayed from work. An hour later, we think that he got drunk, after two hours, that he went on a spree, and after three we are already calling the morgues. Instead of giving free rein to your imagination, it is better to calm down and try to make inquiries about where your beloved might be. And again, meet him, feed him, and then calmly find out all the details of what happened.
8. Love and take care of the one who is next to you. Never forget that you are together because you love each other and do not skimp on hugs and showing feelings.
Quarrel as a means to "stir up" the relationship
It so happens that there is not enough passion, and all peaceful methods have already been tried. Well, try to take a chance and throw a huge scandal with smashing dishes and leaving for mom. But remember that the big fans of such behavior do not always come later, and on the contrary, the man sighs with relief. I would call this behavior an extreme measure, when there is no fear of destroying everything forever.
Those who have been married for more than a decade are well aware that Mexican passions often fade into the background, and friendship, support and mutual respect remain the bonding feelings. As daunting as the problem is, let these “three elephants” that hold the marriage together be the foundation. Love each other!