Hundreds of books are devoted to the question of self-development. Thousands of articles have been created to help a person improve themselves. But the number of critical beliefs in life is not so great. Here is a list of issues that are important for understanding by every conscious person.

Life is not a walk with fun. Not everything in life goes according to plan. What we have conceived often does not coincide with reality at all, which is often the cause of depression, self-doubt, depression. It is worth understanding that failure and unpredictable events are an integral part of life. Accept this fact and look for opportunities to learn from failure.

Justification is evil. Fill your life with excuses, and you will plunge into the abyss of suffering. Do not make excuses for your own stupidity or your own flaws. Work on them and don't let the situation repeat itself, then you don't have to make excuses again.

Doing more than reflecting. Planning is rewarding. But constant planning without action is the road to nowhere. Don't waste time planning and rescheduling. If you are planning to do it, proceed to implementation. If you don't start to act right away, then doubts, fears and worries will get stronger and swallow you and your ability to act.

An assertive person will always reach the finish line. It is not for nothing that they say that success is a movement from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. Keep moving towards your goal, even if not everything works out right away. Every success has a price, and if you are willing to pay the required price, then you will have it.

Change or fail. Persistence is only appropriate if you draw conclusions from previous failed attempts. After all, if you do the same thing many times in the same way, then you can hardly expect a different result. Life sometimes confronts us with solving the same problem until we learn to find the right way to solve it. Sometimes it is worthwhile to first understand the problem, then the solution will become clear.

Cast out fear. Anyone who is afraid to fall out of the rut and try their hand at something else succumbs to fear. Fear is not acceptable in the life of a truly successful and happy person. But every fear is overcome, it is enough just to look fear in the eye. Afraid of heights - jump with a parachute. If you are afraid to ride a bike, borrow a bike from your neighbor and go down the hill. Afraid of dogs - get yourself a home St. Bernard.

Positivity is the mood of the favorites. Positive people look for opportunities in every endeavor and, surprisingly, they find them. A positive person does not regret the past; he enjoys what he has. He is not afraid of challenges, he is afraid that he will not try to do what he really wants. Do not live in the past, do not regret what you missed, be positive and infect others with positive.

Each of us at least once thought about how he lives. And after this inevitably comes the thought of how I would like to live. We can choose a lot: where to work, with whom to communicate, where to go, with whom to live, how to act in a particular situation. And every choice we make affects the way our life will be. But choice is responsibility. Responsibility for your actions, feelings and thoughts.

In my psychotherapeutic practice, I use a valuable rule: "Thoughts - feelings - actions." If you apply it in life, then creating each new day will be much easier. What is thought? These are unspoken words that are born in our minds. After the birth of a thought, it becomes possible to make a choice: which thought should be thrown out of the head, and which one should be left - negative or positive. It depends on this choice what feelings we will experience further. Any thought continues in feelings. The negative thought “He didn’t call, so he doesn’t care about me” leads to negative feelings: “I am scared, hurt, sad”. The continuation of these feelings is the action: "I will call him myself and express everything that I think."

It is according to this algorithm that we shape our life in all areas: in relations with others, in work, in relation to ourselves, to money, health. Absolutely everything starts with a thought, and if we learn to make the right choice in the direction of positive thinking, we will very quickly notice how our life is changing.

Step # 1. Change statements. A colleague of mine once said: “In psychology, it is very important to ask competent questions to a client. The result depends on this. His answer will depend on what question we ask ”. I am convinced that we all need to learn how to ask competent questions to ourselves. If you learn to ask: "How do I feel now?", "Do I feel good or bad?", "Why do I feel this way now?" ? ", Then you get to know yourself better.

The more we think about how terrible our life is, the worse it gets. The more we talk about difficulties, the more difficult it will be for us.

It is important to remember that the strength that helps us overcome any obstacles is within us. How we use power depends on our thoughts and statements. The power of thought controls action. This is the only thing that we can control. And by choosing thoughts and statements, we are choosing a certain life.

Affirmations are attitudes we have borrowed from people who matter to us in childhood, adolescence, or adulthood. For example, from childhood, the father said: "You are a bad girl, you misbehave and because of this they will not be friends with you." As a result, the grown-up girl is convinced that in order to have friends, she must be “good” for everyone and try to please everyone. But she still has no friends - there are only those who use it. She is lonely and unhappy. Affirmations change the way we think. The life experience that we form for ourselves depends on what thoughts are most formed in our mind.

What to do with negative statements that are ingrained in our minds? They need to be changed, converted. How? Write on a piece of paper any negative statements you have heard from significant people about life and relationships with people. Next to each negative statement, write a positive statement. For example: “In our family, everyone was a failure and you won’t achieve anything in life,” we convert into a positive statement: “I am wise and quick-witted. I can do everything. My life is filled with success. " It is important to make affirmations in the present tense, not in the future. Read all of the positive affirmations written out loud every day for a week (or more) until you truly believe in them.

Affirmations need to be surrounded by positive thoughts. The more we think about how terrible our life is, the worse it gets. The more we talk about difficulties, the more difficult it will be for us. Change your thoughts, your approach, and the very life around you will change.

Step # 2. We neutralize stress. Stress paralyzes us, prevents us from thinking positively, makes it difficult to feel life and move forward. Sometimes we justify our failure or laziness with this state. How to overcome this obstacle? You need to understand what stress really is:

• fear of change
• inability to determine life priorities
• shifting responsibility for not being able to control your feelings on other people
• negative thoughts and the wrong atmosphere in the current situation

Everyone knows that yoga helps to restore harmony of mind and body. Everyone knows that with the help of breathing we can calm our nerves and put our thoughts in order. Breathing is the first physical activity that helps with stress. Start breathing deeply, do it mindfully, focus on each inhalation and exhalation. Imagine how air enters the lungs, how it exits. This focus helps to shift the mind from negative thoughts to neutral ones, and then concentrate on converting them into positive thoughts. When your breathing evens out and your head becomes free, ask yourself: "What am I afraid of, what scares me so?"

Stress is fear, and we need to find and speak out its cause: "My strength is inside me, my world takes care of me, there is no fear in me, I am not afraid of anything, I create a harmonious, happy life." Repeat these statements until you feel peace and joy. Do not accept the word "stress", do not justify internal and external stress with it. Remember that you are the master of your life, your thoughts, feelings and actions. And only in your power to accept stress or to give up it, in your power to feel sorry for yourself and get depressed or give up and think positively.

When positive thoughts appear in our minds, our level of satisfaction with ourselves rises.

Learn to create thoughts that will make you happy. Happiness tends to attract love and goodness into life. There are many statements that can help redirect thoughts in a stressful situation. You can invent them yourself, taking as a basis several examples: “I am free from all fears, there is no place for stress in my world”, “I am successful and fearless, every day I feel more protected”, “I am calm, I am balanced, I am filled with love and kindness ”,“ I have excellent relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues. I am loved and appreciated. "

Step # 3. Learning self-respect. You will never value and respect yourself if you think badly of yourself. Very often we say to ourselves: “You are not like everyone else”, “You are not good for anything”, “You don’t have enough courage for this”, “You have to ...”. When positive thoughts appear in our minds, our level of satisfaction with ourselves and with our actions increases. Therefore, statements like “I’m great,” “I am an interesting person,” “I accept myself as I am, with all my advantages and disadvantages,” “I owe nothing to anyone,” help to “awaken” self-esteem. Self-esteem boosts our self-confidence, and self-confidence fosters self-esteem.

There are several methods for dealing with self-esteem. And these methods are very effective: they return to us the type of thinking that was peculiar to us in childhood, when we loved and accepted ourselves unconditionally.

Write on a piece of paper any negative statements about yourself as a person that you have heard from significant people. Next to each negative statement, write a positive one. Say them as often as possible. Here are some universal positive statements that will boost your self-esteem: “I love myself. I am perfect ”,“ I treat myself well. I am worthy of love ”,“ I accept myself as I am, here and now ”,“ I have developed self-esteem ”,“ My mind is filled with healthy, positive thoughts ”,“ I love myself without conditions ”.

Step # 4. Learning to forgive. Can a person feel happy if he is filled with bitterness, anger, resentment? By voluntarily agreeing to sit in the “well of resentment,” we will never get out of the sad darkness. Sadness, anxiety, fear, pain, guilt, resentment, anger ... if we cannot part with these feelings, then we do not want to let them go. Moreover, it means that we are comfortable in a dark, resentful life. We ourselves suffer the most from this, and not the person who once offended us. Even if it happened quite recently, it is already in the past. Only the present can become the foundation for our future.

Forgiving the abuser does not mean justifying his misbehavior. Forgiveness is a deliberate act. It frees us from negative energy. We have a choice: we can continue to live in resentment, or we can start a new happy life. No matter how serious the offense, no matter how severe the trauma, living in the past is not the best choice.

How to overcome unwillingness or inability to forgive someone? Take a piece of paper and write: “I, (your name), forgive you, (the name of the offender). I forgive you for the pain you caused me. I forgive you, (name of the offender), and free you and myself from this feeling. I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you". For 5 days, read this statement as often as possible until you feel peace and joy.

To be successful, you need to take action. This is not a superpower - this is a decision that each of us can make

Step number 5 Learn to attract success. For many people, success is a continuous movement towards something greater, towards expanding the comfort zone, towards constant growth and understanding of relationships with oneself and the outside world. We are mistaken when we say to ourselves: “I know that successful people are gifted people who have superpowers that I do not have. That is why I am not successful. " This is self-deception and an attempt to justify oneself.

To come to success, you need to act, move towards the intended goal. This is not a superpower - this is a decision that each of us can make. Our success largely depends on the ability and desire to communicate with ourselves and the people around us. Having learned to develop happiness, joy and love within ourselves, abandoning negative statements in favor of self-respect and faith in ourselves, we will automatically begin to project this into all areas of our lives. And then success will not be long in coming.

about the author

Psychologist, specializing in family and existential psychotherapy, transactional analysis. Her website.

CHAPTER 2

Creating the reality of welfare

The spirit has its own power and by itself can create heaven from hell and hell from heaven.

John Milton

William James said: "By changing the inner state of mind, people can change the outer side of their lives." When you tune in to well-being internally, you automatically start attracting money. You can achieve this (rich man's consciousness) change with a few easy-to-learn, easy-to-use strategies and techniques. If you use these strategies and techniques, you will have the energy, ideas, mindset and motivation to rewrite your life scenario and dramatically increase your own income. It will come naturally, at ease, and without the unpleasant shock that you may have experienced in the past.

Peace of mind

I want to note right away that true security consists only in achieving inner peace - faith in one's ability to adapt to changes, benevolence and love for oneself and others. In other words, your objective self-image should be combined with high self-esteem. Otherwise, even if someone gives you a million dollars, it will not bring financial independence. I know several millionaires who are willing to honestly admit that they do not feel financially secure. They have low self-esteem and virtually every chance of finding a way (albeit unconsciously) to lose their wealth. Or they can keep it, but create other problems for themselves, related to, say, health and personal relationships.

The key to your financial security is in your hands. With the help of this key, you will not only achieve wealth, but also acquire something much more valuable - peace of mind. This peace of mind can only exist in an atmosphere of favorable acceptance of oneself and others. How much it could change the lives of Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, as well as many, many other people who understood that wealth itself is not everything.

So, we begin to look at an objective approach to raising money, focusing on how to accumulate wealth and still do what you like and what makes sense to you. Along the way, you will unleash your own potential and use it to improve health, relationships with people, and become happier and more successful in all areas of life.

Recognize that you have a "moral right" to be rich

Many people have allowed themselves to be programmed into financial constraints. They acquired negative attitudes towards money, which led them to a state of insecurity. This is a negative reality in which they constantly (or almost constantly) do not have enough money to have the things they like or need and do what they like; For a variety of reasons, they feel they do not "deserve" financial independence. They were convinced that it might be good for others to be rich, but not for them. In the past, they have probably been taught what the Bible says: "Money is the root of all evil." This statement is incorrect. In fact, the Bible says this: "The love of money is the root of all evil."

Katherine Ponder, in her book The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity, says the Bible is a prosperity study guide. She writes: "The very first chapter of the Bible describes the rich world created for us, and the last book of the Bible describes paradise in a symbolic and very colorful way."

However, many people are not convinced that it is ethically correct for them to desire wealth. Obviously, money itself is not evil. Of course, they can be used with evil intentions, but they can also be used for quite positive purposes - just as you can kill a person with a hammer, but you can also use it to build a house, church or school. Money can be a very useful tool. George Bernard Shaw said: "Only money makes the whole world move." Dostoevsky spoke of money as "freedom converted into coin."

Another reason many are unsure about the ethics of wanting wealth is because they think that there is not so much wealth in the world and that it will have to be taken away from someone else. This is a false assumption. As Buckminster Fuler has often stated, "We have more than enough resources on this planet to improve the standard of living of everyone without harming anyone else." As we use our potential more, we become more creative, more effective and more productive individuals, and we can make better use of the planet's natural resources. We can manufacture goods and provide valuable services to each other. When this happens, there are no losers. Everyone wins.

Millions of people have been taught the belief that being poor is godly. This kind of programming and processing has helped keep the masses from rioting for centuries. Expressions like "dirty rich", "fat cats" and "rascal rich" reflect this negative programming. The idea that the pursuit of wealth is wrong or immoral comes from man, not from God. A rich person can be as virtuous as a poor person, if not more, and his wealth can be used in a variety of ways for the benefit of humanity. Poverty does not automatically make someone more spiritual. If that were the case, we would not have witnessed this level of crime and drug addiction in poor neighborhoods.

A negative attitude towards people just because of their wealth seriously affects the formation of the consciousness of the poor. The more we resent the wealth or success of others, the more we reinforce our state of poverty and failure. This attitude almost completely deprives the ability to attract money. Long ago, I began to make a conscious effort to find joy in the luck and success of others. Why? Because I decided that it was in my own interests to be happy for them and wish them further well-being.

Why is it in my best interest? For two reasons.

1. What we desire for others, we attract ourselves. We keep the original and only issue a copy. If we harbor anger at others for what they have and wish for misfortune, we bring it to ourselves. The birth of thoughts and feelings full of anger towards others is not only a symptom of low self-esteem, the process itself causes great damage to our self-esteem. If we wish good for others, it often comes to ourselves.

2. It enhances self-esteem. I value myself much better when I wish others well, instead of being burned out with envy and anger. Therefore, my self-esteem is strengthened when I enjoy the good fortune of others. The higher our self-esteem, the more opportunities we provide to fulfill our potential in order to achieve and maintain personal well-being.

Realize the existence of negative thinking

You generally have a choice. You can continue to grapple with difficulties while remaining a slave to the negative programming that creates poverty, or you can free yourself from it. How can this freedom be achieved? First, you must become aware of the existence of negative thinking, which is present on a conscious and subconscious level, and understand how this negativity affects you. Then I will show you how to neutralize this negativity and replace it with positive thoughts, ideas, and feelings. This is accomplished through programming techniques such as Mind Movies (Chapter 3) and / or the rich man's statements described in this and subsequent chapters.

To one degree or another, negativity affects our life at all its stages. Negative thinking leads to failure, anxiety, anxiety, ineffective work, fear, depression, illness, and poverty. Many people use negative thinking automatically without realizing the devastating effect it has on their lives.

The word "impossible", for example, invariably has negative connotations. It's like saying, "This is how it is, and it always will be." And so it will be if you don't stop repeating it. In the words of Zig Ziglar, "Many of us could give a good spank to the word 'impossible'."

Negative thoughts create negative feelings or emotions - you become depressed. When you are discouraged or in a bad mood, stop and ask yourself what you were thinking just before the onset of the discouragement. It turns out that these were negative thoughts.

Before you can learn to develop a rich man's consciousness, you must recognize the negativity that has filled your life. Where did you get these negative thoughts? Someone raised or "programmed" you to accept negativity as a way of life. By agreeing with this negativity, we have created restrictions for ourselves, financial or otherwise, that exist only because they are allowed. These boundaries do not reflect our true potential. These are false boundaries that can be eliminated, but first we must realize their existence and understand how they are so firmly entrenched in our lives.

Your negative programmers

Parents

When I was a child, my parents used to say:

"Don't get your feet wet, or you'll catch a cold." And, of course, it happened. I could get any other part of my body wet and not have any problems, but if my feet got wet - ah-ah-apchhi!

The word “not” is used too often, especially when talking to children. If you warn your child, “Don't slam the door!” What are you most likely to hear the next moment? That's right - the knock of the door. As if the child had not heard this "not". The result we get comes from the positive part of the statement - "slam the door."

To illustrate this, I will ask you to do something. For the next thirty seconds, don't think about the big red apple! You, like most people, have thought of an apple after all. "Not", it seems, did not work.

Because children hear so many negative directives, such as “don't do it,” “no, no,” “bad,” and so on, after a while they stop perceiving them (this is true for adults as well). If you do not want the door to bang, for best results use a positive statement, such as, "Please close the door without knocking."

Here are some of the money-related programming instructions we received as children (other than the previously mentioned "spiritual" ones): "Money doesn't grow on trees," "We can't afford it," and "You will never get rich."

Other people

Relatives, neighbors, friends, and workmates often act as negative programmers towards you. Sometimes their negative statements have a direct impact on your behavior. For example, have you ever met a friend or girlfriend and he (or she) immediately told you how tired you look? And although before that you did not feel tired, your state was changing. Or have you ever been told: "Do not sit in a draft by the open window - you will catch a cold"? You could play golf in a wind speed of thirty miles an hour, or you could ride a motorcycle at fifty-five miles an hour, so what? No cold.

So what causes the common cold? We used to think of cold temperatures or drafts, but studies show that people can sit on blocks of ice in a wind tunnel and not catch a cold. What sounds funny? We are also told that eating and resting properly saves from colds. But there are people who seem to eat right and sleep a lot, but still have a cold. There are those who seem to be undernourished and sleep little, but they never get colds. Could it be heredity? Maybe, but heredity as an argument loses its force when people who often suffer from colds suddenly stop getting sick and almost never get colds again, changing their views on sensitivity to colds.

Nowadays, viruses are blamed for colds. But why does one person become infected with these viruses, while they seem to have no effect on the other, even if both people are constantly nearby, have a similar diet and sleep the same? The likely answer is immunity or body resistance. Is this so?

Couldn't having a positive inner attitude increase your resistance to disease? The programming techniques from my experience that you’ll learn about in this book will definitely help shape a mindset that strengthens your resilience. At the beginning of the money raising program, I thought about the fact that it is better to be healthy than rich. Certainly! But where does it say that I have to choose between the one and the other? This thought helped me realize that I was programmed to believe that health and wealth are mutually exclusive. If I had one, I could not have another. What nonsense! And yet, somewhere deep inside, on a subconscious level, I believed in it. I believed that if I wanted to achieve wealth, I had to lose my health.

I vaguely recall that as a child, I heard older people say, "It's better to be healthy than rich." I must have assumed that in order to stay healthy, you must give up wealth. It's counterintuitive, of course, but most of our programmed constraints are terribly illogical. I don’t know where, when I succumbed to such programming, but I’m sure it played an important role in the fact that I was in a state of need rather than prosperity.

Have you ever heard a radio or TV ad say, “When you have another cold, try (product name)”? Just think: "When you have a cold again." It’s as if a cold is waiting for you somewhere with a tag with your name on it. So if you are sick and say “my cold,” “my asthma,” “my ulcer,” or “my headache,” then you are more likely to stay with a cold, asthma, ulcer, or headache than when say "cold," "asthma," and so on. Here are some negative programming phrases you should be aware of:

"It's cold and flu season."

"You have a headache."

“There are sixty-two kinds of pollen that causes hay fever in you. Which one is yours? "

Sometimes illness and relief from it look so compelling in advertisements that you can't wait until “your” cold arrives to try the vaunted remedy. Or, an advertisement may show people who are so tenderly cared for during their illness that it seems: my resistance to illness will decrease, if I get sick, the love and care of others will be the reward. Negative ad programming is a clear threat to your health.

Your personal negative programmer is yourself

Many years ago, someone told me that in many cases the expressions we use often can cause physical ailments. People who say, “I don’t see anything in this,” are more likely to have vision problems than those who don’t. People who say, "I can't take this," are more likely to have back problems than those who don't. People who say, "I can't stomach this," are more likely to get ulcers than those who don't. And people who say, "I don't care about this," are more likely to get hemorrhoids than those who don't.

When I first heard that what we said could lead to physical discomfort, I rejected the idea right away. Then I began to compare the expressions I used with my own physical condition. Is my ulcer related to "digestion"? I decided to be careful and stopped giving such advice to my body. I think this behavior had its effect, because after a while the ulcer disappeared. My advice to you: think and listen to what you are saying. There can be some connection between what you say and your physical condition.

Negative statements

The statements below are so common that it’s easy to forget about the negative impact they have on our mental, physical and financial health, making it impossible for us to achieve the desired success. How often have you heard or said:

"I will never be rich."

“Life is hard” (compared to what?).

"I have no time to rest."

“I don’t know how to save money.”

"This is too tough for me."

“It must be nice to have money” (meaning that I will never have much).

"Money is the root of all evil."

"He (she) has money like dirt."

"Rascal, grow rich."

"Money burns my pocket."

"Fat cat".

"I will never get through."

"I can't make ends meet."

"Money isn't everything."

"I would have to work hard to get rich."

"If I had money, I would only worry about how to spend it."

“If I make more money, I’ll just have to pay more taxes.”

"I hate my job."

"I hate selling."

"I can never ...".

"I can't afford ...".

"I had to...".

"I think at an early age I was a donor in a brain transplant."

"I will never understand this."

"It's impossible".

"All good things come to an end."

“I don’t know how ...”.

"I'm getting a cold."

"I'm going crazy".

"Oh, my back hurts."

"I wish I had died."

"You can't trust anyone."

"I was just lucky".

"I am stupider than a log."

I'm falling to pieces.

"Bad news doesn't come one by one."

"I have bad nerves."

"I'm climbing the wall."

"I can't lose weight."

“I don’t remember names.”

“I’m losing something all the time.”

"As you get older, your memory gets worse."

"It makes me sick."

"I forgot".

"You make me feel guilty."

"You make me angry".

"Because of you, I have all the misfortunes."

"You're making a fool of me."

"This is a world in which man is a wolf to man."

"Which have not be avoided".

There are many more similar expressions that people use every day, without thinking about what they say and do to themselves. Let's take a closer look at some of these phrases,

"Bad news doesn't come one by one." This common expression is often associated with death: as if someone died, and you look around in search of someone who may still die. These words always make me uncomfortable. This is often the same expression used to refer to business or financial problems. And why not: "Good news does not come one by one" - and two, and ten or more?

"I don't remember names." This expression is not only negative - it is imprecise, it is not. All the people I interviewed who use this expression remember their own name. So there is at least one name. They also remember the names of their family members, other relatives, friends, some work colleagues and their favorite performers, movie and TV stars, athletes, and often the name of their doctor, the President of the United States, and so on. When you sort it out, in fact, it turns out that they can remember hundreds and even thousands of names.

If you are unhappy with your memory and want to comment on this, it would be more correct to say, "In the past, I was not very good at memorizing names." But leave that in the past. There he belongs.

"All good things come to an end." When we use this expression, we usually think that something bad is about to happen, and it usually does. This situation is created by our expectation. Negative thinking and anxiety are so dominant that we tend to expect unhappiness if we think we are "too lucky." There are people who feel uncomfortable because "things are going too well." They believe that good times cannot last long. Unfortunately, these people do not even get full satisfaction from the fact that good times have come for them, and bad times seem to them much worse than they really are.

Negative thinking of this type can be replaced with the opposite. No matter how bad you are, it's helpful to think of bad times as just a temporary condition. Using the words of the Bible, we can say, "This too will pass." Think of a time when things were going very badly with no end in sight; it seemed that it would only get worse and worse. But that did not happen. On the contrary, the situation has improved, and improved much faster if you expected it and were in a positive mood.

How do you accept negative programming

Once you have identified who your negative programmers are, you need to understand the inner process of negativity entering your life. You also need to understand that during your life you have been programmed and positively through love. However, if you are like most of us, negative statements likely outweighed positive ones, especially in early childhood. To help you understand this inner process, I’ll first give you a short example of how you accept negativity, then we’ll take a closer look at the stages of accepting negativity, and then we will explain the changes in your reality.

In early childhood, you had a lot of potential and few limitations. And these limitations were usually attributed to childhood, so that later you overcame them in the process of growing, learning to walk, talk, read, etc. In those years of your life it was more natural to think in terms of the possible than the impossible. However, since the young mind is like a sponge, with strong negative programming, you tended to accept this negativity completely, without hesitation.

Often, when a child is naughty, one of the parents says, "You are a bad boy," instead of "You are doing bad." If the child hears the words "You are a bad boy" often enough, he will make the assumption that he is really a bad boy. Then his behavior will begin to change and he will start acting like a bad boy. When this behavior is sufficiently entrenched, the thought that he is a bad boy will become his belief. From that moment on, he got caught. His life and reality are shaped, and he grows into an adult "bad boy" because the self-image of "bad boy" has become real for him and changed his reality.

Four stages of forming your own reality

1. You make assumptions. As you've probably guessed by now, most of the limitations you have now are the result of negative programming during childhood. Because the young mind is so susceptible to external influences, it quickly and easily makes assumptions based on information or programming coming from the environment.

For example, you may have assumed that older people (say, parents and teachers) are giving a correct assessment of you and the world around you. If they said "something" is impossible, you probably believed it. It is also possible that, based on what you have said, you assumed that all people of a particular race or religion are bad, even though you have never met a single member of that race or religion. You may have assumed, based on someone else's opinion, that certain foods taste terrible. You may have assumed that the older people who influenced you were acceptable behaviors, although this was not always the case.

2. Your behavior changes as a result of your assumptions. The assumptions you made have influenced your thinking, feelings, and behavior. You began to reinforce the negative programming that affected you through self-talk (called parenting in transactional analysis), which damaged your self-esteem.

Other common behavioral changes due to assumptions made include the emergence of doubt, fear, hatefulness, and the difficulty of not being able to accept and give genuine compliments, no matter how deserved. Your self-esteem begins to depend more and more on the opinions of others, rather than on your inner feelings.

3. Changes in your behavior affect your beliefs about yourself. Your behavior contributes to the emergence of certain beliefs that are more permanent than assumptions. Your assumptions could lead to the emergence of all or some of the following beliefs: "I am to blame", "I should have been a perfect person, and I am not", "There is a certain limit for me as a person", "I am ugly", "I stupid "," I'm a loser. " Each of these beliefs then forms a common belief: "I am a worthless person and do not deserve much happiness and well-being." The longer you believe in something, the stronger that belief becomes.

4. Your beliefs become reality for you. Dr. Wayne Dyer describes this stage by paraphrasing the famous English proverb: "Until I see, I will not believe." He says: "I will see when I believe." This often happens very quickly. Suddenly all doubts are dropped and you know that the belief you have is right. You know that your assumption, behavior or belief is adequate and correct ("I always knew that I could not do it", "They were right"). When you come to this conclusion, the entire negative process is nourished, taking you in a spiral, inward, into a more limited reality.

This process is shown graphically in Fig. 1. Our initial reality of early childhood on the outside of the spiral is limitless. The process of creating a limiting assumption then begins, followed by changes in behavior leading to the emergence of a belief that shapes our new, more limited reality. This new reality fosters even more constraint assumptions that influence our behavior, fostering even more limiting beliefs, and so on.

You continue to spiral towards a reality that is increasingly limiting, depriving a huge portion of our potential. While this process continues, we in our lives are vastly less rich, happiness, tranquility, satisfaction, joy, adventure, delight, health and love.

Creating your own reality

You may have noticed that the word "reality" is mentioned from time to time in the previous sections. What is your reality? Webster's Dictionary defines reality as "a real quality or condition." This is "a real event, a real object or a real state of affairs" and "a set of real things and events." Therefore, by "your reality" I mean what you, as an individual, experience or perceive as "real." What is real to me may not be real to you, and vice versa. And what was real to you as a child may not be real now.

Many psychologists claim that we create our reality and believe to a large extent in its truth. When we were infants, we had so little information and experience at our disposal, and had such little programming impact that statements addressed to us were very rarely perceived as contradictory and became our assumptions. Thus, any assumption (say that it is not good for us to be rich, or that we will never be rich) almost immediately turned into a belief and reality for us. However, as you get older, there is increased resistance to things that might conflict with the programming, information, or experience you gain. Consequently, we may need more time to create a new reality than in early childhood, but, without a doubt, it can be done. I did it, and I know thousands of people who are much healthier, richer and happier, because they did it too.

In other words, you choose how happy, healthy, and successful you are, and what kind of relationships you have with other people. One of the main ideas of Dr. W. Dyer's book Your False Zones is that we have the ability to choose what we want. When we recognize this ability and consciously choose the lifestyle we want, we take a big step towards being the masters of our lives.

Rice. 1. This inward spiral shows how our reality becomes increasingly limited if we do not reject negative programming.

You can choose to reject the negativity that begs you, thus creating an unlimited reality for yourself. Here's what you must learn now: neutralize impactful negative programming, choose to make more positive assumptions, and reverse the spiral that led to limitations that prevented you from seeing yourself as a person of unlimited potential who deserves well-being.

How to Reject Negative Programming and Become Human with Unlimited Possibilities

When you allowed negative programming into your reality (see Figure 1), you were spiraling away from the unlimited reality of childhood through stages of limiting assumptions, beliefs, and finally limited reality. You were moving towards the center of this spiral, into a state of limited, programmed reality.

To reject (or neutralize) negative programming, you must reverse the spiral, turn it outward (see Figure 2), away from your limited programmed reality, choosing positive assumptions that lead to positive behavioral changes that in turn contribute to the emergence of more preferable assumptions, etc.

Gradually, you overcome the programmed limitations, creating a new reality, and become a person with unlimited possibilities. Step by step, as you strengthen your consciousness and awareness, you continue to develop, learn, grow, improve and begin to use your true potential for happiness and success. This strengthening of consciousness and awareness can only happen when you understand how to reject negative programming, that is, you understand how to remove dirty linen from your thoughts.

Six Steps to Reversing Your Spiral

1. Become aware of negative programming affecting you. The first step to neutralizing negativity is to become aware of its existence. When you speak or think in a negative way, or someone else is talking to you in the same way, let it be like a blinking red light, or the sound of a bell, or a siren blaring. This will alert you and remind you that the computer is receiving a new program in your head.

2. Neutralize the negative and replace it with a positive. If you decide to prevent negative programming from negatively affecting your life, press the reset key in your head, as you would on a calculator or computer by pressing a key with the wrong letter or number. Then, in your mind, replace the negative thought with a positive thought or affirmation. You do the same when you press the cassette eject key to replace the recording you no longer want to listen to with a more enjoyable one.

The following statements (or, as I like to call them, success formulas) are very useful when used immediately after “resetting” or removing a negative thought or statement. I also recommend that you write down the formulas for success that seem most useful to you and practice repeating them many times every day. In the process of repeating them, try to feel the corresponding positive emotions that usually accompany such statements, if they are uttered by you as a statement of fact. Unleash feelings of elation, confidence, satisfaction, power, energy, enthusiasm, or other positive emotions.

The success formulas are as follows:

I decided to be rich (rich).

I decided to be successful.

Financial independence for me.

I project wealth and prosperity onto every person I meet. In doing so, I direct my consciousness to the inexhaustible Universal Source of abundance.

When I project wealth and well-being onto others, I benefit for myself.

When I strengthen the consciousness of a rich man in another person, I strengthen it in myself.

I teach in the best way what I most need to learn, and knowledge comes back to me from everywhere.

Money is my friend.

Having money, I am calm (calm).

Now I see myself as a successful person.

Large sums of money are coming to me.

Money flows to me simply and naturally, as waves roll onto the shore.

My financial condition is constantly improving regardless of the state of the economy.

I deserve large sums of money and use it to help myself and others.

I put more and more caring energy into my work, and this brings me more and more income.

The more money I have, the more I have to share.

My condition is increasing every day no matter what I do. Money always circulates freely in my life, and it is always in abundance.

I learn and grow every day, which increases my value to the world.

Every dollar I spend goes into circulation, enriches the economy, and returns to me in many times the amount.

Every day my well-being is getting stronger. My wealth is increasing every day.

I move forward and my fortune and wisdom grow.

I see money as a useful tool.

The more money I have, the more money I should (should) use to help myself and others.

I will always succeed because I have a strong desire to contribute to the development of humanity and all living things.

For some people, simply repeating a few of these formulas with feeling many times a day, as mentioned above, is all it takes to become rich and not depend on anyone. Perhaps you are one (one) of these people.

This may be somewhat simple for you. In this case, you can stop reading at this point and just use the success formulas.

However, the following is of exceptional value and will provide you with financial success and peace of mind in the future. But you can and should start using success formulas today. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will find the prosperity you aspire to.

Always remember that you can control the situation. You are responsible for your thoughts and you can create any reality you want. So, use the "reset" key or the cassette eject key - whichever you prefer - and become the master of your life. This; will weaken the influence of previous negative programming and help to get rid of false constraints.

It is possible that there are no restrictions at all. There are some things people will probably never be able to do, but I believe that someday, much that is impossible now will be easily achievable. Scientists agree that we only use a small part of our brain. When you get rid of the rubbish that interferes with your mental ability and begin to control the programming that affects your mental computer, you will think only in terms of the possible and free yourself to take advantage of most of your potential.

3. Turn the positive into an assumption. When you make a positive assumption, it is important to understand that assumptions are not the same as beliefs. For a limited period of time, you can assume almost anything. In addition, it is easier to make an assumption than to form a full-blown belief.

4. Making a positive assumption leads to a change in your behavior. Your positive assumption automatically influences behavior, and you get the impetus for action. Behavior is reinforced if there is an influx of energy, such as that occurs in the process of positive visualization (you will learn about this in the next chapter), or if there is positive feedback, such as a quick favorable result. Be your best friend at this stage and give yourself strong support.

5. Changes in your behavior lead to the emergence of a new belief. To achieve this goal, it is very important that the changed behavior persists long enough to ensure the formation of a belief. After that, you begin to trust new, positive thoughts.

6. Your positive belief becomes your reality. You are now moving towards the outer, boundless reality of the expanded spiral. You have completed the positive thinking process. Many people do not understand this process, because 1) they have not learned how to program themselves as they should (most of this book is devoted precisely to the task of helping you with this); 2) gave up too easily (persistence is discussed in one of the subsequent chapters); 3) they do not suppress the negativity they encounter.

An example of applying a positive spiraling process

It's easy to make friends. The ability to easily make friends is very important to us both in business and in life in society. In this example, I proceed from the assumption that you do not have a negative program that needs to be removed. If so, you should be able to easily make friends, starting with the assumption that the person you have met or are about to meet is friendly, warm-hearted, subtle, cute, and attractive, with many other good qualities that may not be immediately noticeable. Next, you admit that you will like each other.

Such assumptions automatically influence your behavior, what and how you say, how you carry yourself; your thoughts are more positive and conducive to establishing friendships.

Your actions, or behavior, reinforce the assumption to the level of conviction. You really believe what you supposedly allowed about this person - and by this point he already reflects your positive assumptions and behavior. As a result, your belief is reinforced by experience and becomes reality. Now you see that wherever you come, you can surround yourself with people who will like you. In a sense, you create these people the same way you create your own reality.

Creating a reality for prosperity. You start out with the assumption that you are meant to be wealthy. This is your birthright. You have the moral right and ideal conditions to become financially independent. By removing the negative with the "reset" and "eject cassette" buttons, you apply the following success formulas that will help you make that assumption and lead you in a spiral to boundless reality.

I deserve wealth.

I am destined to prosper.

I am like a magnet for money - I attract them.

Money flows to me easily, effortlessly.

I use my rapidly growing wealth to help myself and others.

This assumption automatically affects your thoughts, feelings, and active behavior. You set specific financial goals. You become more aware of the possibilities and begin to use them. Your energy level rises, you have more enthusiasm, a positive attitude and activity. This behavior makes you believe that you are destined to be prosperous, and this becomes a reality even before you actually achieve high levels of well-being. At this stage, you no longer just believe - you know that you are flourishing. Conrad Hilton was once asked exactly when he realized he was rich. Mr. Hilton replied, "I realized that when I slept on the park benches." He knew he was lucky, even then. Reality starts in thoughts. You must see and feel it in yourself. This "inner reality" will create your physical reality.

Creation of reality for success in trading. If you are in the business of trading, or are looking into a business perspective or position that involves selling goods, services, or ideas, you will see how important it is to overcome any negative programming regarding trading.

Many people abhor trading because they think it involves cheating people, making a profit at their expense, imposing money on them for what they don't need. They are also afraid of rejection and other setbacks. One has only to dig a little in oneself to realize the presence of this negative programming. When you determine what it consists of, that is, you are aware of it, you should press your "reset" button. At this point, you immediately make the assumption that you are already a successful trader. The following success formulas will help you make this assumption.

I like to sell.

By selling, I am doing a good service.

I love showing people how my product can help them.

I provide a service to customers when I visit them, I like to give something to people.

Selling is now a pleasure for me.

I am good at selling.

This assumption automatically influences your behavior, and you take action (for example, make more calls and visits, put more energy into the distribution of a product or service, become more receptive to the needs and wishes of customers, try to ensure that your product or service meets their needs, and wishes). This behavior opens up channels of new energy and leads to a genuine belief that you are a successful salesperson, and this may become your reality even before it is confirmed by experience.

Minimum welfare

You already know that at some point in the past you recognized the false limits that held back your ability to attract, have, and happily use money to its fullest. You have probably already begun to free yourself from these false limitations and move in your spiral towards the outer circle of the limitless reality of abundance and happiness.

However, it is likely that you will find it helpful to accept at least one limitation. Namely: your financial situation will always remain above a certain level that you choose. In other words, designate a level of well-being below which you will never fall.

If you accept this minimum as a limitation - as most people have accepted limitations in the level of prosperity they can achieve - you will always find ways (legal and painless) to stay above this minimum. Why? If you accept as a “reality” that you will always hold above this minimum level, then provide yourself with a “call” that will direct your inner “I” to generate ideas, motivations, a better awareness of opportunities that will allow you to stay above the specified minimum level ... Even if you experience a temporary slump, your energy, motivation, and creativity are automatically activated to ensure that you make more money - no matter the circumstances.

This does not imply looking at the minimum as "appropriate" for you, because that would mean accepting a constraint that prevents you from having a higher degree of well-being.

It’s just a way to hedge yourself against success so that complacency doesn’t lead to such complacency when you “fall asleep” at a crucial moment and allow temporary regression to become permanent.

It's a bit like a pre-made sell order to protect your investment. Even the most prosperous people in the world are going through bad times, but as the saying goes, "when it's hard to walk, the weight goes by itself." Your positive limit serves as a wake-up call to activate energy and creativity when required. As Robert Schuller says, "Difficult times don't last forever, but difficult people always exist."

As you’ll learn in Chapter 6, obstacles and setbacks are often benefits in disguise. We learn from them and, as a result, achieve even greater success than we would have had if we had not faced an obstacle or "failure."

In this chapter, you learned:

1. How to come to the conviction that prosperity is your moral right.

2. How to become aware of negative programming that is leading you in a narrowing spiral to the "reality" of false constraints.

3. How to eliminate ("dump" or "cassette tape") negative programming and replace it with formulas for success that lead in an expanding spiral to an unlimited reality and your true potential for health, happiness and prosperity.

4. How to set the minimum level of welfare.

In the next chapter, you will learn a powerful visualization technique that will help you further your expanding spiral toward financial independence, a fuller, more fulfilling life.

The process by which we consider and respond to various circumstances in our life is influenced by many factors. In fact, our views and actions are based on beliefs or beliefs in how the world should be arranged and how it should act.

If we add to the chain M-CH-D, which we discussed in the previous chapter, the link of beliefs, then it becomes clear that actions arise from sensations or feelings, which, in turn, grow out of our thoughts, and thoughts ...

As you know, men hate our hysterics and tears, and we, in turn, do not like it when he shouts at us, expresses reproaches, etc. Well, what about? In life, unfortunately, everything is not always smooth.

I thought for a long time how to get through to my beloved.

But sometimes it seemed to me that he did not understand me at all, and he didn’t want to understand that our relationship was a mistake ... and everything like that. I think everyone has such absurd thoughts, not based on anything essential, just a situation ...

Technique for getting rid of negative thoughts - Cutting off

As soon as you feel that a negative thought has crept into your mind, just cut it off. No need to analyze it, no need to argue with it, no need to defend against it - just cut it off from yourself and put something else in its place.

And the key principle here is that you have to do it immediately, the very moment you feel the very thought.

Technique for Removing Negative Thoughts - Label

This technique ...

Previously, everything was normal - I grew up in a prosperous family, emotional upheavals were rare, I did not experience psychological pressure from the outside.

But then something incredible began to happen to the psyche. Thoughts suddenly began to appear from which it becomes, to put it mildly, scary! Then unpleasant memories began to emerge and then to all this I began to invent some terrible situations and take them for real.

And recently I began to think that I was capable of doing some terrible things ...

Have you ever been in a situation where you just can't get rid of obsessive thoughts about a person? What he said or did, and how much did it surprise or hurt you?

Sometimes when someone hurts us, our children or loved ones, gossips behind our backs or confuses us with their actions, we continue to think about it for hours, sometimes even weeks.

You wash the dishes, drive the car, walk the dog, but you just can't forget how ...

Scientists have proven that thoughts are the basis of health.

The more often you think about unpleasant things, the more you risk getting sick. And vice versa - the more often you think about the pleasant, the less chances you will be in the doctor's office. This unexpected conclusion was made by American scientists from the University of Wisconsin.

A team of researchers led by Dr. Richard Davidson examined 52 people between the ages of 57 and 60. Each of the study participants was asked to recall in detail ...

Hello. I am asking you to help me understand myself and dispel bad thoughts. I don’t know how it would be more correct to call it either fear or depression.

In general, I have bad thoughts almost constantly, except for the moments when I think about something or someone, or dream, remember, etc. The rest of the time, when my head is not busy with anything, thoughts come into it about the death or misfortune of people close to me, or grief with me. Or thoughts, for example: "If I don't succeed now, then I will ...

So it was, is and will be, humanity will always look for an answer to the question of what is love?

Today is a beautiful morning, sunny, with a bright blue sky, the smell of spring, birdsong, but for many this is an ordinary morning, an ordinary life, an ordinary relationship, an ordinary breakfast and so on all their life until love knocks on it, or something similar to what they then call love.

At first everything is fine, I want to live, sing, dance, create, joy overflows to the brim and pours over the edges of the soul, but ...

An internal dialogue is constantly taking place in our minds. We talk to ourselves about what is happening at the moment, what happened in the past, and what may happen in the future. Internal dialogue affects our mood, perception and attitude in general.

But if the internal dialogue is negative, this can lead to undesirable consequences, because our thoughts and feelings affect our actions. First of all, define the nature of your conversations with yourself. Then you can start building positive self-talk that will improve your life.

Let's say you find yourself in a traffic jam on your way to work. Is your first reaction to this anger? Something like, “Are you all crazy? Have you bought the rights? Look, what a fine fellow - he writes SMS while driving! ... Hey, you almost killed us all! Why does this happen all the time when I'm late? How it makes me angry! I'll be late again ... Hey, friend, do you, in general, know what a turn signal is?! ... "- and so on, until the blood begins to boil in my veins.

Negativity can feed itself. And with this mood you then go to work! You can be sure that others will pick up on your anger and irritation. This will affect the quality of your work and your productivity, because energetically and emotionally you are still in traffic and not at work ...

Here are some examples of how to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, with comments and options for correction:

1. “Perhaps I will not miss the event. I know I won't be having fun there. "
   How can you know? After all, this event has not yet happened! Replace the phrase with “This is going to be fun,” and your mindset will change dramatically.
2. When you are praised for a job you have done, you say, "Oh, no big deal."
   If you are praised, obviously your work is appreciated. So why don't you appreciate it yourself ?! Better just say, "Thank you!"
3. "I can never lose those last 5 kg!"
   When you focus on something, you materialize and attract it into your life. Change this negative statement to "My weight is ideal." And focus on what you want to attract into your life, not what you don’t want.
4. "This is unfair!"
   Life doesn't always fit your ideal idea of ​​what it should be. Relax and accept it as it is. Change what you can change and accept what you cannot change.
5. "The main thing is victory"
   All-or-nothing thinking prevents you from enjoying the moment and living your life to the fullest.
6. "He annoys me!"
   No. He does something that you prefer to react to with anger. No one can tell you how to feel or how to react!
7. "I am very angry!"
   No. You are a person with negative emotions. You are not your senses. And you are not an evil person.
8. "I can't stand it if she leaves me!"
   Breaking up is hard, but you can get over it. What's more, breaking up can be good for you. Don't exaggerate the scale of the tragedy. Better imagine the ups and downs that could follow this temporary drop.
9. "I am unable to study well"
   Such generalizations are unhealthy. By making such statements, you are essentially limiting yourself! See your real and perceived shortcomings as opportunities for growth: "I am gaining skills in the field of ..."
10. “Oh my God, the soup was too salty! The whole lunch is ruined! "
    Seriously? What about the rest of the dishes? Was the whole dinner a culinary disaster, or was it just a soup problem?
11. "I can't have a normal relationship because I was abused as a child."
    You exaggerate the significance of the past. It was a long time ago. Yes, it affected you, but you are no longer in this situation, and healing the trauma of the past is a matter of your choice.
12. "The fact that my children are not doing well at school is completely my fault."
    No, it’s not like that. But what about their responsibility for their actions? As a parent, it is your responsibility to guide, discipline, and help your children acquire the necessary skills, but the primary responsibility for their academic and performance success lies with them.
13. "Nobody will ever love me"
    Never? Another false generalization directed against oneself!
14. "I'm so stupid!"
    Are you really stupid? Is always? Are you absolutely stupid in all walks of life? Of course not! Don't forget your strengths! You might say, “It was unwise of me. Next time I will act differently! " Learn from mistakes!
15. "I wish I was as beautiful as ..."
    There is nothing wrong with admiring other people and adopting their positive qualities, but you are you. By comparing yourself to others in a negative context, you are belittling your true worth. After all, you are a unique, valuable and interesting person in your own way.

In some of these examples, you might recognize yourself. The problem is that such statements sound plausible and convincing, but in fact they only reflect the way in which you preferred to respond to a given situation.

Be conscious and pay attention to negativity in your internal dialogue. Every time you notice a negative statement, question it. Where is the evidence that this is exactly the case? Is this always true? Remember: your words are incredibly powerful!

Eliminate these words from your vocabulary:

• Always: it never happens. Everything flows, everything changes!
• Never: it never happens! (see above)
• I can't: maybe not now, but if you want something, you will find a way to achieve it.
• I will not: the same principle is true for these words as for “I cannot”.
• But: an argument with which you can severely limit yourself!
• Try: Just do it! “Do or don’t. Don't try "(Master Yoda, Star Wars).
• Should: don't adjust to other people's expectations or give negative connotations to what is actually good for you (instead of “I should lose weight,” say “I want to lose weight.” When you “want”, it gives more motivation than when you "must").

Use the Silva reprogramming exercises to change the negative "logic" inherent in your self-talk into new ways of thinking that empower you. Write down the negative statements that you are accustomed to using in speech, indicating the corresponding alternative statements. Replace negative statements with positive ones until the latter become a habit.

When you change the nature of your internal dialogue, you will change your life!