What to bring to marriage. Scenario of proper matchmaking: actions on the part of the bride

Many of the wedding traditions that our ancestors observed now seem ridiculous and ridiculous to us. And marriage is not a necessity for a long time, but a joint and necessarily voluntary desire of two lovers.

Matchmaking is considered the beginning of preparation for the wedding. The ceremony of asking for the hand and heart of the bride is a truly touching and unforgettable event. But some newlyweds refuse such a tradition, considering it a relic of the past. Yet for many couples, matchmaking means getting to know the parents of future spouses. Young people are trying to modernize the event, to make a holiday out of it. So, how to woo the groom in our time? What should I say?

Future spouse in the spotlight

On the day of the matchmaking, a great responsibility lies with the groom, who must come to the bride's parental home and prove himself from the best side. Traditionally, the future husband comes to dinner with flowers and symbolic gifts. There must be two bouquets: for the beloved and for her mother. As a present, a box of chocolates, champagne or good wine is suitable.

Matchmaking customs from ancestors

An ancient tradition has come down to our days, following which matchmakers brought with them a loaf on a towel. The future wife carefully cut the cake and served it to all the guests, starting with the parents. This meant that she agreed to the marriage. Bread must be eaten to the crumbs so that the family is strong and happy. Then the same towel was used at the wedding, when parents blessed their children. Nowadays, this towel is preserved and passed down from generation to generation as a family heirloom.

Established modern traditions

What to say next to the groom and matchmakers at the matchmaking? During dinner, in order to dilute the official conversation, they sometimes arrange comic checks on the bride and groom. Matchmakers from the groom's side ask the bride questions that are not devoid of humor regarding her thriftiness. The bride should respond in the same manner. The bride's parents then "torture" the groom. Jokes and general laughter bring future relatives closer, establishing warm relations between them.

Speaking about how matchmaking is going on in our time, it should be mentioned that it often happens that both parties have known each other for a long time, but nevertheless, honoring Slavic traditions, they decided to conduct a matchmaking ceremony. In this case, families resolve issues related to the preparation and holding of a wedding celebration: they set a date, distribute responsibilities, discuss the menu, the venue for the banquet, etc.

Of course, the modern groom is obliged to make sure that joyful moments are captured on a photo or video camera. The first pictures of the official future family will become living memories of that happy day.

Modern guys and girls are increasingly independently deciding to tie the knot in their lives. However, many want to keep all the traditions of matchmaking. How to marry a bride? What do the groom and his parents need for this? Let's talk!

How was the wedding before the bride?

First of all, the matchmaking was preceded by the bride. In addition to the groom, his relatives came to the bride's house - an older brother, uncle or godfather. The girl needed to demonstrate her talents, and if the groom liked her, matchmakers soon went to her house.

During the matchmaking, the girl should have been silent, demonstrating her skills and outfits. If the bridegroom liked the bride, he drank a glass of water or honey presented by her relatives. If not, he just put the glass to his lips and left it full. The girl, in turn, could endure a pumpkin to the unkind groom, which meant refusal.

Modern traditions of matchmaking of the bride

Nowadays . In large cities, the whole ceremony most often comes down to a joint dinner of parents and announcing their intentions to the young. But if the young people want to keep the traditions, then the groom and his parents need to prepare in advance:

1. First of all, you should discuss in advance the date and time of the visit that is convenient for the parents.
2. The future mother-in-law and father-in-law should be appeased by the guy with a gift. For the mother of a girl, most often they choose a bouquet of flowers, but another gift is also suitable: beautiful dishes or decor items, sweets. The groom can give the girl's father a bottle of elite alcohol, cigars, a book. You can also check with the bride what her father is fond of (fishing, collecting, hunting), and make an appropriate gift.
3. The groom must give flowers and a symbolic gift to the bride.
4. In the role of matchmakers can be not only the guy's parents, but also the godfather or a close relative. A male matchmaker must be married, but a matchmaker can be unmarried.
5. Matchmakers traditionally bring a symbolic gift to the girl's parents: sweets, fruits, wine.
6. The mother of the groom can give the future daughter-in-law some expensive gift. It can be jewelry or a valuable item for the family.
7. Matchmakers to the bride's parents can also present a symbolic gift - an icon, beautiful candles, a charm.

The groom and parents must be neatly dressed. If there are more girls in the family, for example, sisters, you need to take care of the flowers for them.

In modern society, it is not customary to learn long poetic speeches, but traditionally, matchmakers start a conversation with someone familiar to everyone: “you have a product, we have a merchant.” This is followed by a story that a beautiful girl lives in this house, with whom a young, generous, strong and wealthy groom is boundlessly in love, whose hands came to ask for matchmakers. The bride's parents can respond impromptu, but it is better for the groom's matchmakers to prepare a speech in advance.

While the parents are praising the bride and groom, reporting on their education, work, success and other achievements, the young are supposed to be embarrassedly silent. Previously, the bride had to change clothes at least five times in order to demonstrate the wealth of her family and her beauty. Today, this tradition has lost its relevance -. Sometimes, while the auction is going on, the girl hides in her room.

The bride's parents prepare treats for the matchmakers and at the table discuss the young people's plans for life, their intentions, attitude towards children, etc.

Matchmaking ends with a decision - whether the girl's parents will give their daughter in marriage to the groom. After their consent, the date of the bridegroom is negotiated - when the girl's parents go to the groom's house. It already stipulates the holding of the wedding, the number of guests, the distribution of expenses.

Matchmaking traditions

Particular attention has always been paid to the observance of customs, so if traditional matchmaking is planned, the information will be useful:

• it is not customary to marry on the thirteenth, as well as on Fridays and Wednesdays;
• most often they go to woo on the 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th of any month;
• traditionally, the guy had to run from the car to the house as soon as possible - this displayed his love and protected him from the evil eye;
• matchmakers entered the house after the third invitation. At the same time, it was customary for the first two to slam the door loudly;
• guests were seated in a certain way with their backs to the door, which spoke of their intentions;
• at first they started talking about something distant, and then they got down to business;
• matchmakers examined the girl in order to find flaws and reduce the ransom. They could even examine the condition of her teeth, so the bride's parents and the girl herself tried to prepare for the ceremony as thoroughly as possible. Now, of course, no one does such an inspection, but in a joking way, matchmakers can ask a girl to demonstrate what she can do: cook dinner, sweep, wash dishes, iron a shirt;
• the bride's parents were bargaining, after which the girl's father decided whether to marry her to this groom. The second word belonged to the mother, the third to the brother of the bride.

If now 99% of matchmaking ceremonies end with the consent of the parents to the wedding, then earlier matchmakers could go for years while the bride's father chose the most worthy candidate for his daughter.

Traditionally, the girl's parents did not prepare gifts for matchmakers. In modern society, return gifts are a sign of respect, so you should prepare in advance. What to give, it is better to check with the guy. It can be home charms, wine, a basket of fruits, a home flower, kitchen utensils.

To turn matchmaking into a real holiday, you can invite professional matchmakers who, according to a special scenario, will arrange a fun and interesting ceremony.

Before preparing for the wedding, parents should be notified about upcoming plans, who will surely be delighted, because they have long been waiting for the legalization of relations and the further happy life of their already adult child.

Parents protect their daughters more than their sons. The girl will become a mother and, of course, it is important for parents not only what kind of husband their daughter's chosen one will be, but also how he will be able to cope with the role of a father in the future. The acquaintance of the groom with the family is an exciting event, because the daughter is getting married, and of course, she must receive a parental blessing.

How to marry a bride

In order to properly woo the bride, to make a good impression on her parents and relatives, you need to resort to the ceremony of matchmaking.
Here are some tips to help make this event fun and bright, so that it will be remembered forever:

1. Hire a matchmaker. With its help, the matchmaking ceremony will be more interesting and varied. Previously, relatives from the groom's side were most often matchmakers. They could invite an outsider for this role, with the condition that he can speak beautifully, has charm or charisma.

2. Conduct an acquaintance on your own in the form of a playful game. In a playful manner, it is easier to establish contact and make friends with the parents of the future bride. Both the groom and the girl's relatives will feel at ease.

3. Arrange a casual feast. You can time it to any family or calendar holiday, for example, to the New Year. Prepare in advance funny scenes, jokes, practical jokes and topics for joint discussions, do not forget that conversation is the only form of establishing contact between future relatives.

4. Carry out matchmaking in the form of bargaining - buying a bride. Today you can find a ransom script for every taste - comic and classic, short and long. To create a cheerful atmosphere, you need to bargain, slightly belittle the qualities of the groom and overestimate the dignity of the bride.

After the matchmaking was successful, you should warmly thank the parents of your beloved and the assembled guests.

customs

It has long been customary that each holiday has its own rituals. A wedding is the most traditional event. One of the indispensable rituals of a wedding is courtship by the groom, and it is desirable to observe all the actions associated with it.

What must be on the table

In Russia, home-made tincture was specially prepared for matchmaking, however, this was the concern of the bride's family. Strengthening family ties with a couple of glasses of tincture is considered mandatory. But if the groom basically does not drink, then when explaining his position, there is nothing shameful in refusing.

Also, there should be sweets and honey on the table, so that parents can be sure that after tasting a sweet treat, the future son-in-law will never say a rude word to them.

Traditionally, round bread or a loaf is baked for matchmaking. If the girl agrees to marry, she must cut the bread presented to her into four equal pieces.

Tests for lovers

In order for the groom to feel like a welcome guest in the future, he needs to hammer a nail on the threshold of the room. And the bride will have to pass tests (which are prepared in advance).

In the old days, they could be asked to dance, answer questions, or sweep the floor to check how good the future wife is. With modern matchmaking, you can come up with fun test games for the bride, and the guests and the groom will help her in this difficult task.

How to make an offer

Permission to marry a daughter is the most important moment of matchmaking. This is what everything is for.

The groom should propose to the girl by addressing his parents.
He briefly talks about feelings for his beloved, that he is ready to protect his family, to be a faithful, kind husband.

When expressing consent, the girl's father must shake hands with the groom. Then the groom can give the bride a symbolic gift - a ring.

Putting a ring on the bride's finger is also an old beautiful tradition.

Preparing for marriage

Matchmaking is a very responsible event and requires careful preparation. Here are some tips to help you get it right:

• It is worth notifying parents on both sides in advance, agreeing on dates so that everyone is comfortable.
• It is also necessary to pronounce the list of participants in the matchmaking in advance so that the host party can better prepare.
  In addition to parents, this important process traditionally involves other close relatives of the groom (brothers, uncles, godfather), as well as one or two best friends who will be directly involved in the preparations for the wedding.
• As they say, the best improvisation is well-rehearsed improvisation. Therefore, if in the process of matchmaking the groom and his relatives intend to joke, tell jokes and praise the future husband in verse, then this whole fun scenario should be thought out in advance, prescribed, distributed roles and make sure that the jokes were learned by the participants of the event.
• Gifts for the parents of the bride and the future wife should be thought out in advance.
• To avoid embarrassing situations with the bride, you can discuss presents for her mom and dad, so, for example, not to give the future mother-in-law flowers that she is allergic to, or cognac to a non-drinking sportsman-in-law.
• Traditionally, the bride and her mother are given bouquets of flowers., and the bouquets should be different and symbolic, a good florist will help the groom with this.
• Appearance in the case of matchmaking is a very important detail, so you should worry about a good haircut and ironed clothes in advance. By the way, a very formal appearance of the groom is unlikely to contribute to a cheerful and relaxed atmosphere during the matchmaking. It is enough to be dressed stylishly and in high-quality clothes, even if it is jeans and a sweater.
• It would not be superfluous to discuss with the bride the key points of communication after the official part of the matchmaking: what to talk about with parents, and what is better not to talk about, what issues regarding the upcoming wedding can be discussed. And for the future wife, there should be many surprises in the matchmaking scenario - this should not be forgotten. For example, if the parents bless their daughter for marriage, then the beloved can be presented with a gift - for example, a ring.

The nuances of modern matchmaking

In the modern world, the ceremony of matchmaking by the groom is needed only to achieve a specific goal - to please the bride's parents. If they remain dissatisfied and refuse, you should not be upset - perseverance is important in this matter, marriage can be repeated.

Perhaps the parents will eventually see how much you want to be with their daughter, appreciate you and agree. Even the great Pushkin several times asked for the hand of Natalia Goncharova from her mother, until he obtained permission to marry.

When young guys and girls already want to tie their lives together, they often have questions about how to get married, what to say at marriage, what to give for marriage and generally speaking how is marriage going. Everything you need to know about marriage by the groom and from the side of the bride, as well as you can find out in this article.

What is matchmaking?

If you are interested How is the marriage of the bride now and how it happened before, now we will tell you about it. About a century ago, the bride found out that her lover wanted to marry her only when matchmakers knocked on her house. Now, of course, things are completely different, and the decision to marry is usually made by the young together, and only then parents can be said to be simply put before the fact. Although the tradition of wooing is optional, but, nevertheless, if you follow it, then it will only be a plus for you. Usually, if the matchmaking of the bride is carried out correctly, this helps to establish a stronger and better relationship between the groom and future father-in-law and mother-in-law.

Different peoples have different terms between matchmaking and the wedding itself, but on average this period is from three to twelve months. After the matchmaking of the bride and groom takes place, they are no longer just a guy and a girl in love, but have a more serious status. Sometimes this period can be shorter (for example, when a girl is pregnant), and sometimes longer (for example, when a guy goes into the army).

Modern matchmaking

At all, modern marriage script still implies some, at least moral, preparation for this event. It is worth discussing in advance with the parents of the bride the most convenient date and time.

Regarding what is given for matchmaking, it can be said that it has already literally entered the unspoken rules for the groom to give a bouquet of flowers to his future mother-in-law and, of course, a bouquet to his future wife. It would also be nice if the matchmaking on the part of the groom would not leave the future father-in-law unattended. Father-in-law is usually given cigars, tobacco or good wine for matchmaking. Well, if the future father-in-law has no bad habits at all, then clarify what he can give him better from the bride. And she, in turn, can directly ask this question to her parents, and there is nothing shameful in this.

What does marriage consist of?

Now about what to say at the matchmaking and who should do it. Both the ancient and the modern scenario of matchmaking implies that the matchmaker should speak, which may be a respectable adult on the part of the groom, he may be a godfather, father, older brother, grandfather or someone else. At the same time, the groom is silent and only answers the questions of his parents.

If you are thinking about how to conduct matchmaking, and where to start it, then we can say that traditionally matchmaking begins with the words “You have a product, we have a merchant…”. That is, from the threshold, the guests must tell why they came to the girl's parents. After they have been invited to the house, the matchmaking on the part of the groom continues with the praise of his merchant (groom). Modern matchmaking scenarios simply mean at this moment a story about what the groom is like, about his education, work, hobbies, property and wealth, and so on. In turn, the matchmaking of the bride takes place by analogy, and in response, the girl's parents begin to praise their product (daughter). During all this action, usually the bride and groom are silent, and of course they are embarrassed. That's how it's supposed to be. Further, parents usually ask questions to the groom, being interested in his plans for life, for the bride, ask about his attitude towards children, and so on. That is, after the matchmaking takes place, the bride's parents should already understand the plans and intentions of the groom. Often there are situations when, during the matchmaking, quite important topics are touched upon that the bride and groom have not even spoken about before. Ideally, matchmaking ends with the decision of the bride's parents: will they give their beauty in marriage or not.

Naturally, we will not consider those rare options when the parents did not like the groom and they refuse to give their daughter in marriage to him. In 99.9% of cases, parents still agree. And then they are already agreeing on the date of the bride, when, on the contrary, the future father-in-law and mother-in-law will come to the house of the groom's parents. It was then that they begin to discuss all wedding matters, the distribution of responsibilities, the calculation of expenses and other points.

The modern scenario of matchmaking can either include matchmakers from the groom's side and from the bride's side, or it can take place without them. If the matchmaking on the part of the groom takes place with matchmakers (matchmakers), then it is usually a lot of fun. Especially if the matchmaker and matchmaker are cute, uncomplexed and with a sense of humor. In a playful way, they will be able to talk about all the qualities of the bride and groom, as well as ask some questions that the parents of the young people might not have dared to ask out of a sense of tact. And here, it seems, in a playful way, and in parallel, all important questions are being clarified.

What about after marriage?

When the bride and her loved ones go to the bridegroom's house, she should also take care of at least some symbolic gifts. Don't forget the flowers for the future mother-in-law. Pleasant little things always help smooth communication and improve relationships between people.

It is a pity that modern matchmaking often takes place in the following boring way: the bride and groom plan to get married, then the groom asks the girl's parents for the hand, and then, when the parents of the bride and groom meet, there is already a discussion of wedding issues. That is, there is no that element of the game and incendiary in matchmaking, but only formalities.

Dear brides and grooms, if you are still planning to have a matchmaking, then make it fun! Believe me, this will add warmth to communication with your future “second parents”, and this event will remain in your memory in color, and not in black and white formal colors. Come up with your own original matchmaking script or download its traditional versions from the Internet.

A modern person, keeping up with the times, sometimes, for a change, wants to resort to the way and traditions of previous generations. For those who are going to get married, the process of matchmaking of the bride will definitely seem interesting: how it was many years ago, and how it can be adapted and beaten in our realities. Modern matchmaking by the bride is a ritual, a tribute to tradition. The decision to get married is taken by the future spouses alone. With families, as a rule, the diplomatic and financial part of the issue is resolved. In the old days, the picture was significantly different.

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The role of the bride and groom in the ceremony of matchmaking

Earlier in Russia, a young man often first he decided to start a family, and only after that he chose the lucky one. It was not uncommon for a potential bride to be unprepared for the happiness that befell her until the day of the matchmaking.

In the ceremony of courtship on the part of the bride, the role of the girl was passive - she could sit all evening in her room without showing herself to the groom. The matchmakers negotiated with the parents, watched and evaluated the bride's dowry. The girl could only be called to demonstrate her skills in housekeeping, cleaning, and cooking. The bride had to meekly obey, silently show her skills and again retire to the waiting room.

If the bride was good at weaving, sewing or embroidering, then she was wearing clothes of her own production, emphasizing the dignity of her figure, but not defiant.

In the dowry chest, the groom must have seen tablecloths, towels, napkins made by the skillful hands of his chosen one for arranging their future joint life. On the evening of the matchmaking, the girl could also be asked to demonstrate how she sews, embroiders, sweeps floors or cooks, in order to make sure that she really knows how to do all this and that her parents do not embellish her virtues. At the same time, the parents were obliged to praise their daughter, admire the work done and, looking ahead, describe to the groom how good it would be for him to live with such an economic wife. The groom, based on the external data of the girl and her abilities, concluded whether she was suitable for him as a wife or not at all. The latter rarely happened, but if the girl’s family could not adequately present the goods during the matchmaking, then the groom could well back down, there was a special system of signs for this - he turned out from the offered dishes and drinks, could demonstrate in every possible way that he was treated tastelessly and did not finish the offered drinks.

With a successful combination of circumstances and mutual sympathy of all participants in the matchmaking, at the end of the event, the bride's parents gave their consent to the wedding, and from now on, the guy and the girl became the bride and groom. Today, marriage is not a very common phenomenon. Parents are confronted with a fact, and then all future relatives are shown to each other in turn in different combinations. The most common scenario of matchmaking by the bride, when first the groom comes to visit the bride's parents, then the bride goes to visit the groom's parents, and only then the parents get to know each other and start discussing organizational wedding issues. If you want to add an element of tradition to the dating procedure, the main thing is not to overdo it.

If future newlyweds and their parents are still don't know each other very well, then the game action, passing according to the scenario, can produce the opposite effect to the expected one. In order to observe traditions and not lose face, it is enough to use only generally acceptable details of the matchmaking protocol:

1. The date and time of the wedding should be agreed in advance. The bride checks with her parents when it is most convenient for them to receive the groom with matchmakers. It is considered impolite to combine matchmaking with other holidays and events.
2. The composition of the participants also needs to be agreed. The groom may come not alone, but with a friend or with one of the relatives, worthy in the groom's opinion, to be introduced to the bride's parents.
3. In the house of the bride's parents, they should be met only by the parents and next of kin who live with their parents. On this day, a girl should not invite friends, grandmothers, aunts and other relatives who want to meet her chosen one to the house.
4. Marriage means a feast, that is, the bride and her parents need to carefully consider how they will treat the groom and matchmakers.

The menu should be generous, with enough alcohol.

Non-alcoholic vegetarian buffets are not welcome and can be understood by the groom and matchmakers as a desire to demonstrate their superiority or simply the incompatibility of the bride's current lifestyle with what the groom is going to offer her.

The girl's clothes this evening should be comfortable, but not homely. Furs and lace will also be out of place. Depending on the temperature and season, any loose-fitting dress will do. Dressing up this evening is also perceived well. The bride can meet the matchmakers in a more elegant dress, and for the hassle associated with changing dishes, she can change into something suitable. Tracksuit and bathrobe are strictly prohibited. Jeans are also not recommended. If after the feast the bride wants to change clothes for more elegant, then you should not dress in the same dress in which she met the guests. Officially, the girl changed her social status, becoming a bride, which means that she needs to change her outfit.

If everything went well

With a successful combination of circumstances, after such an event, the happy groom leaves with the matchmakers, and the bride remains at her parents' house. Even if they have not lived together for a long time, the girl can still stay to help.
parents to clean up after the feast and discuss how they find her future husband. Adhering to customs, after the matchmaking on the part of the bride, the girl should meet the groom's parents. Unfortunately, on this responsible and, as a rule, psychologically stressful evening, the girl will not be able to hold a support group at the groom's house. The only thing that can help is a small gift for the future mother-in-law. You should not get excited, gold - no one gives diamonds, and some kind of designer accessory, scarf or shawl is quite acceptable.

You should be guided not by your own taste, but by the taste of the chosen one's mother. A girl who is not yet familiar with her future mother-in-law can ask mutual friends what her future mother-in-law loves.

The words of a man should not be trusted, he is not always able to adequately express his mother's preferences. A gift can also be related to the household and the interior, the main thing is not to impose your tastes, but try to adapt to the owners of the house. Flowers for the hostess of the house and a good mood are also required.

Dinner at a restaurant with the groom, bride and their parents can complete the chain of acquaintances. Then you can start discussing the general organizational issues of the upcoming ceremony. Even if the future newlyweds are not very sentimental, following a certain behavioral protocol will certainly lay the foundation for their new strong family with its own traditions and way of life.
We offer you to watch the video of the matchmaking from the side of the bride:

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