Mom knows the best: the causes and consequences of overprotection. Causes and consequences of parental overprotection

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Overprotection of a child: causes, consequences, advice to parents. What is the manifestation of overprotection. Because of what appears and what are the consequences. What to do for children. Advice to parents.

Caring for children is a normal behavior on the part of parents. But more and more often there are situations when parents, for one reason or another, take too much care of their children. Not giving them freedom and independence in making this or that decision. The other side of the coin is also dangerous - the lack of attention from the older generation. One way or another, but for children, neither overprotection nor her absence is desirable. How parents do not go too far can be found in the article.

What is hyperprotection manifested in

• Some parents cross the line in raising and caring for children. Exercising excessive care, they themselves do not understand that they disrupt the natural process of the child's development and block his ability to gain experience. Indicators that overprotectiveness can interfere with the growth and development of children include the following indicators:
• There are times when parents try to stand up for their children, literally depriving them of the opportunity to independently learn to stand up for themselves. So, coming to school to talk to the offender, parents do not think about the future reputation of the child in the form of "mama's son" and the like, which may further negatively affect the overall formation of development.
• Such a picture is often encountered. If the child falls, then the parents or grandparents, instead of really helping the child, often try to smooth out the conflict by encouraging them in the form of sweets and toys. In this case, the child may develop social dependence and too high a level of self-esteem, and with the help of such tricks, he may try to manipulate adults in his favor.
• Often there is such a picture that a child who has already reached a fairly adult level cannot even be in different rooms with his parents. Parents control every step of the child, not realizing that they are ruining his psychological development.
• Another mistake parents make is limiting the child. Children are rather freedom-loving creatures and any restriction leaves not the best imprint on their psyche. Often, such children grow up as rebels and representatives of a certain culture, as if in protest of restrictions and social norms.
• The carrot-and-stick method in parenting is only useful when done right. When there is a totalitarian control of the mother over the daughter, and the father over the son, any exit outside the family traditions established by such parents leads the child to sometimes cruel punishment.
• Often, parents focus their child's attention on only one area of ​​life. Job search, study, and so on. And if the child does not correspond to their invented ideals or is below the level of the children of family friends, then the parents begin to psychologically put pressure on the child, and in that child, in turn, over time, perfectionism forms, which interferes with the general formation of the child's personality.

Why does hyperprotection appear?

Hyperprotection does not appear from scratch. The reasons can be a variety of factors, but knowing some of them, it can reveal the pattern in time and prevent the negative impact of the behavior of such parents on the child's life.

One of the most common reasons is parental reluctance to be alone. In other words, the older the child is, the more parents are afraid that he will leave them. Studies show that the fear of loneliness in old age persecutes a larger number of elderly parents.

Some parents are too suspicious. They are not able to trust their child, and, as a result, they themselves can slow down the process of his general development. For example, not letting one go to school, not allowing certain things to be done without logical reasons, and so on.

Often, behind the total control of parents over children lies the banal desire of parents to assert themselves at the expense of their child. For example, too high a requirement for a child, misunderstanding, disbelief in his strength, all this may indicate an attempt at psychological control on the part of the adult generation and a reluctance to accept the child as he is.

Sometimes the reason for overprotection is the jealousy of the parents and the unwillingness to let the child go into adulthood. This behavior is often found in the case of the parents' non-acceptance of the second half of their child, considering the union not strong enough, immoral, and so on.

Consequences of overprotection

If parents still do not want to let their adult children go, they risk ruining the life of their child. This overprotectiveness can affect the child in the following ways:

What to do for children

Children who realized that there was or is present overprotection in the family can act as follows:

1. Children can come to terms with such a condition of existence, but when the parents are gone, the way of life will be completely disrupted and for them a foreign world and independent life can become a real tragedy.
2. Often, children rebel against their parents and established norms, which in this case can also be taken for normal behavior.
3. Sometimes adult children choose a middle method between the first and the second. They simply do not tell their parents about their plans, but act independently, overcoming fears themselves and going beyond the usual framework of comfort. This method is the most convenient and will allow parents to understand without a scandal that the child is no longer a child, but an adult and mature personality with his own values ​​and beliefs.

In any case, it is worth remembering that in custody of children you need to be able to find a middle ground, otherwise there is a risk of ruining life not only for yourself, but also for your child.

What will be the consequences of being overprotected in adulthood?

No matter how hard the parents try to take care of their child, they still miss the moment when their baby comes face to face with life. Accordingly, the less he is unadapted to life and the already matured child will become isolated in his little world - this is a normal, defensive reaction of the personality, for which he should not be reprimanded.

But this not only poses a danger to the child - he is cut off from the world and reality, this is the illusion of total care and control that parents create for themselves, desperately clinging to it. This is what parents should understand when caring about their own child - otherwise, the consequences of overprotection in adult life for the child will be sad.

Why is overprotectiveness bad? First of all, the child is simply unable to make decisions, as well as to act - he is simply afraid of doing something wrong. Any of his actions can bring him not the best results - the child, both in childhood and in adulthood, not only does not acquire life experience, but also acquires not the best character traits.

A grown-up child is not able to adapt to constantly changing living conditions - the inability to adequately respond, adapt to the situation, make the necessary decisions bring more problems. Also, excessive custody can lead to the creation of a cult of the personality of mom and dad, as well as himself - he is admired, he is one and unique, the whole world revolves around him. But such an outstanding person in reality is not able to discipline himself and achieve much in reality, to find himself in work and family.

Watch the video on the consequences of being overprotective.

What about character? The consequences of overprotection in adulthood are formed by not the best character traits - personal inconsistency and inability to make decisions, take decisive actions and be responsible for their actions. Contradictory thoughts are formed in him, his actions are inconsistent - a number of complexes and chronic self-doubt are formed. Such a matured child will avoid any troubles and difficulties, bypass all risks.

But as practicing psychologists note, the most unpleasant and terrible thing that can happen to such a grown-up child is the constant feeling of anxiety formed in the latter, total discomfort. Such a virus at the psychological level is a lack of normal communication skills and withdrawal into oneself, insecurity and dependence on someone. Parents should consider what their overprotective care brings to their own child.

If in a family parents overprotect their child - a grown-up teenager and hormones, a desire for adulthood, push him to choose. The choice of one of their paths is either to remain an infantile and unadapted large-age child all his life, or to rebel, that the truth happens very rarely.

Parents instill in the child a sense of guilt, which in adulthood will manifest itself negatively in the form of total selfishness. And such a rebellion will be expressed in everything - all his actions will be done exactly the opposite. In any person there is such a little rebel, who grows and grows every year - in adulthood, such rebellious habits will act to the detriment of an already over-aged child. If, in childhood, the child was told not to bite his nails or chomp at the table, he will do exactly the opposite, and such not very good habits can persist in adult life, causing a lot of problems. You should not blame such a person - his habit is rather a protective reaction of the psyche, which the child's brain exhibited in opposition to the moral teachings of the parents, and the consequences manifested in adulthood are already a consequence of such overprotection.

The consequences of being overprotective are small and weak.

The situation will develop somewhat worse when the opposition that has arisen between the parents and the child leads to the suppression of the willpower of the latter. A child becomes under the influence of parents like warm wax - he is malleable and inspiring, or rather, in words, infantile and waiting for everything and everything to be done for him, to make a decision and bring results on a silver platter.

In society, society, such people are perceived from the position of not only unadapted, but also lazy, even spoiled individuals. But they are by no means fools - they are just weak-willed individuals with a weak will, unhappy and guilty, when even the most experienced psychoanalyst will find it difficult to find in the depths of his soul a child crippled by the excessive care of his parents.

As you can see, overprotection does not always act for the good of the baby, even if your child has grown and is 2 heads taller than you. Rather, such overprotection as a child will bring him more problems in adulthood. In order to prevent problems for their beloved child in adulthood, parents are advised to take certain measures aimed, first of all, at correcting their own behavior.

At the very beginning, never categorically forbid your child in childhood, adolescence or adulthood anything. This can provoke, first of all, behavior from the opposite - we do everything the other way around, fits of anger and aggressive behavior in the future, conflict.

Train yourself to perceive and communicate with your child as an equal - always perceive him as an adult and mature personality. When communicating with him, tell him about your fears, but never scare him and never intimidate, do not blame. It can be delicately said that parents are worried and even though their son or daughter are adults, they themselves are responsible for their own decisions and actions, but they are their parents who are worried, worried about them and will always tell you what to do and how best to do it. But any decision always remains with him.

But words alone are sometimes not enough - it is worth understanding that a child, even an adult and overweight, can make mistakes, commit rash acts. In this case, the main thing that parents should remember is to help their child survive an unpleasant situation without brushing it off. Life is not only joy, but also bitter sorrow, and how parents behave will depend on the life of their child.

Share your opinion on the consequences of overprotectiveness in adulthood in

Already in adolescence, you were burdened by the excessive care of your parents, but you took at face value the stories that "we want the best." Years have passed, but relations with the older generation have not changed: they have to endure pressure and total control. If you are thinking about how to get rid of parental overprotection, it's time to get down to business!

Rice. How to get rid of parental overprotection?

Recognizing the origins of overprotection

To fix the problem, you need to understand the reasons: without this, you will buy into the story that love gives you the right to interfere in your life. But the actions of the parents are not due to attachment, but to fear:

"What if something happens"
It is more convenient for mom when the child does not go to explore the world, but sits quietly next to him. At first, there is no need to worry that the child will fall down the stairs or play with friends until late, then there is no need to think about bad companies ... Years go by, but the story continues, and the interests of the offspring fade into the background. The main thing is not to worry mom!

"I have no one else"
Personal life has failed, even if everything is outwardly perfect. The parent feels that no one needs it, and broadcasts the installation: “Do not let me down, like the others! Do not leave me!" Attempts to gain independence are perceived as a betrayal, and a representative of the older generation is ready for any manipulation.

"I do not know what to do"
People are conservative by nature, and the revealed talents of a child may not be overwhelming. The desire for a child to follow in their footsteps when choosing a profession is due to the fear of change, and the propensity for another area is suppressed. The offspring gets used to doing only what dad and mom expect of him, and in adulthood he does not know how to take the initiative. Yes, and there are few reasons - a sensible doctor or lawyer did not work out, it is difficult to change a profession, and the feeling of inability to achieve gains the upper hand.

"Nowhere to put yourself"
The parent did not realize his ambitions, so he is bored with living his own life. It would seem that it is not too late to transform it, but the temptation to make dreams come true in a child takes over. As a result, the offspring does not manage to go his own way, because he is pushed to fulfill other people's desires.

It can be difficult and unpleasant to realize that loved ones are acting out of selfish reasons. But you should not blame your parents, because they are characterized by the usual weaknesses. By understanding the motives and gaining determination, you will transform the situation and maintain a good relationship.

How to deal with overprotection?

You should not neglect such an effective way as a frank conversation. Alas, he may not have any effect if you succumb to emotions and turn the conversation into a banal scandal with a list of grievances.

After talking heart to heart and making sure that it is not possible to establish a dialogue (this requires mutual desire!), Proceed to the gradual expansion of the sphere of life in which you control what is happening. Although drastic enumeration of the requirements for parents will be rejected, slow changes will provide an opportunity to get used to the state of affairs.

To cope with difficulties, one has to resort to separation - moving from the parental home and reducing contacts. , because the older generation needs care and not. But if you are over 20, then separation will become a natural process, so do not allow manipulation and pressure on pity. It is only important to distinguish between the moments in which the elderly need help, from attempts to maintain elusive control.

It happens that the mother refuses any change and tries at any cost to return the relationship to its former course. You will have to exercise willpower and remind yourself that getting rid of overprotectiveness will be a positive change for both you and your elders. When, you will not cut off the connection with those thanks to whom you were born, but transfer the communication into a format based on mutual respect and trust.

Allow yourself to be an imperfect person, not being responsible for the relationship between father and mother, making mistakes and learning from them. But parents also need to be looked at in a new way: demanding, criticizing and following their own weaknesses, they remain loving people. The changes will be painful, but you will understand that they are beneficial!

30.03.2016 11119 +8

Parents have a responsibility to take care of their children, protect and protect them. However, sometimes adults greatly exaggerate their own role in the lives of maturing children. They begin to overprotect them. This style of upbringing is called overprotection. It is based on the desire of parents to satisfy not only the vital needs of the child, but also the imaginary ones. In this case, tight control is used.

In most cases, overprotection is observed on the part of the mothers. This behavior greatly harms her sons and daughters. Boys especially suffer from this. The “mother hen” prevents them from acquiring independence, deprives them of their purposefulness and responsibility.

If a woman seeks to do all the work for the child, makes decisions for him, constantly monitors, then this hinders the development of the baby's personality, does not allow him to become a full-fledged person who is capable of self-service, taking care of himself and loved ones.

And mother herself deprives herself of many joys, wasting time not at all on what is really worth doing. The son is unlikely to be able to please her with his achievements, because he will get used to being led and lack of initiative.

Thus, overprotection leads to the following consequences:

1. problems in determining your place in life;
2. Complexity, constant uncertainty, fear of taking responsibility and making decisions;
3. endless search for your own vocation;
4. problems with personal life, lack of family relationships;
5. inability to serve oneself;
6. inability to communicate with other people, resolve conflicts;
7. low self-esteem, self-doubt.

At the same time, mothers rarely realize that they are behaving incorrectly, which has a very negative effect on the boy.

Why does hyperprotection arise?

When the baby is just beginning his acquaintance with the world around him, the desire of parents to protect him from all troubles is fully justified. We are not talking about overprotection here. At three years old, adults should give the child more freedom so that he learns to be independent. If tight control persists at a later age, then the manifestation of overprotection is obvious.

What are the reasons for its appearance? First, parents can try to “fill the void” in life through their baby, satisfy personal needs, and feel important and needed. This is how they want to be realized, if they did not find other ways for this, or they turned out to be unsuccessful.

Secondly, sometimes it can happen that adults, with their excessive care, try to drown out true feelings - hostility to the child. Children are not always born at the mutual desire of their parents, some have a negative attitude towards their appearance. But then they begin to fear that their rejection may negatively affect their daughter or son, leading to sad consequences. To hide their remorse, adults "hide" their disappointment deep in the subconscious, replacing it with overprotection.

Thirdly, total control is a habit for moms and dads that they cannot get rid of. Parents who take care of the baby from the first days continue to behave in this way even when the children grow up.

Adults should understand that a child is a separate person who should have their own desires, requirements, dreams.

To become successful members of society in the future, they need to accumulate their experience, develop personal qualities, and be able to make decisions. Parents will still not be able to live forever, so sooner or later the children will have to live on their own. And without preliminary preparation it will be extremely difficult.

How to get rid of overprotection

Striking a balance between inattention and overprotection is not always easy to find. It is more difficult for families where there is only one baby, and they do not plan the second. However, it is necessary to adjust your behavior so as not to render the crumb a "disservice".

How do you “change the wrong direction”? To do this, you need to remember a few nuances:

1. First you need to realize that overprotection is bad for children. She will not make them happy, successful, purposeful, confident. On the contrary, it will take it all away. Parents are obliged to imagine how their child will live in the future if it cannot do without outside help. To achieve independence of the child should be gradually, and not in one day, alienate him from himself.

2. If adults have realized the erroneousness of their actions only when the son or daughter has already reached adolescence, then there is no need to continue to build around them a high wall of endless prohibitions. Parental control only causes conflicts and misunderstandings in the family.

3. It is more correct to communicate with the child “on equal terms”, to establish warm relationships based on trust. It is necessary not only to be interested in their life unobtrusively, but also to share your fears, consult, ask for an opinion on some issues. However, you should not demand adult responsibility from the child for their actions. He should be independent, but within reasonable limits.

4. Each person learns more effectively from his mistakes than from the experience of others. Therefore, there is nothing terrible if sometimes the crumb will make mistakes, experience bitterness or disappointment. This is quite natural, and sometimes even useful.

Adults should allow the child to live their own lives, experiencing both joys and sorrows.

Building relationships correctly

Sometimes being a lazy mom is better than being a "mother hen". After all, then the child will definitely not become helpless and weak. If you do everything for him, then he will be absolutely not adapted to adult realities. And if for a girl to be completely independent and independent is important, but not so important, then in a boy you need to form the makings of a real man from childhood. In the future, he will have to bear responsibility not only for himself, but also for his family, wife, children, as well as other relatives.

It is not recommended to express constant criticism to the child. Sometimes he needs guidance on the true path, explanations and help, and not boring lectures. The kid will understand that they do not scold him every time, but understand and help, expect independence.

You cannot first blame the baby for scattered toys or a torn button, and then eliminate the consequences of his pranks on your own. Better to express dissatisfaction with the behavior of a son or daughter, instructing them to eliminate the results of leprosy. Let them not succeed the first time, but then there will be no desire to commit wrong actions again.

Reaching a conscious age, children, especially boys, will feel their differences from their independent peers. If the latter manage many things and little things easily, then "mama's sons" cannot cope even with elementary duties. And this leads to the ingraining of feelings of inferiority.

Thus, parental overprotection is very harmful to children, and not good for them. This must be realized and taken into account when educating. The consequences of excessive care negatively affect the development of the child. Responsibility and independence should be formed in it, and not a person who is unprepared for adult realities should be cultivated.

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