Why can't we ask? And how to learn it. Speech etiquette. Forms of address
Julia Chernova
Summary of the lesson "How to make a request"
Tasks:
Educational:
Teaching children to match and lose options appeals on situations.
To teach children to be attentive to each other, to pronounce the magic words correctly, to speak in a quiet, calm voice, to look into someone's eyes you turn.
Educational:
Improve the ability to use magic words in your speech.
Develop the right skill contact an adult, to a friend.
Educational:
To nurture friendly relations of children to each other, respectful attitude towards adults.
Individual work:
-High level: Seraphim, Vadim, Arina, Kirill Sh.
-Low level: Anton, Masha, Nastya, Lisa.
Methods and techniques:
verbal:
Ritual of the Beginning classes"magic ball"
- Questions for children(problem-search, clarifying nature)
promotion
Visual:
Using a ball of thread (magic ball)
Practical:
Activities performed by children teacher's request
Playing options by situation.
preliminary work:
Reading Oseeva's story "Magic word"
Lesson progress:
Ritual of the Beginning classes"magic ball (children sit on chairs in a circle)
Q. - Children, look what I have here? (shows a ball)
Is not simply a ball of thread is a magic ball and the threads in the ball are also magical. Let's greet each other and the magic ball will help us (vo-l passes the ball to the child, he winds the thread around his finger and at the same time affectionately greets the child sitting next to him, then passes the ball to the next child until the turn comes to the teacher.
V. - Here we are all now and greeted with the help of magic words that help us communicate, cheer up.
V. - Today we will study correctly and politely make a request to another person. Let's pretend you are make a request to a familiar person. What is the best way to do this? What do you think Arina?
Children's answers
V. - Well done guys, yes, use the magic word correctly "please", and be sure to call by name if you contact a friend, by name and patronymic if to an adult, look into the eyes, do not forget to say the word "please", speak in a quiet, gentle voice.
V. -Let's try.
V. - Nastya, please give me a toy
(Children's actions)
V. - Thank you!
V. - Liza, if it's not difficult for you, please help me. collect pencils in a pencil box
thanks for the help
V. - Dima, be so kind, please fix my collar,
Thanks!
V. - Guys, let's imagine what you need apply to a stranger on the street to find out where the store is ...
V. -What do you think you can say so?
please
Be kind
If you don't mind please help me
Do me a favor.
let's play: Seraphim will be a stranger, and Nastya to him make a request, Nastya, you can’t find a children’s world store, how would you applied to a stranger? (playing out the situation - 2-3 children
V. - Well done guys! Oh how polite you are, right make a request even to strangers. And if you need contact a teacher, mother, or another adult, while he is talking to someone at this time? Need to use these words:
Please excuse me for interrupting you Can I ask you a question?
V. - I think that you will not forget about our lesson of politeness and bring joy to those around you from communicating with you.
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TALK TO THE PERSON ABOUT HIMSELF AND HIS LIFE
To arouse sympathy in the interlocutor, you need a sincere interest in him and his problems. Even D. Carnegie claims that in three months you can make several times more friends if you listen to people's problems with genuine interest than in three years if you try to interest people in your problems. When a person talks about himself, “hormones of happiness” are produced in his brain, the production of which occurs, for example, when experiencing the pleasure of eating delicious food or receiving a large fee for a job well done.
SHOW EMPATHY
Anyone is pleased with someone else's attention and sympathy. It is important for a person that he is not alone in his judgments. When the interlocutor is sure that his emotions are approved, he subconsciously begins to feel great sympathy for you. Just don't overdo it! It is enough to get by with generalized phrases: “Yes, you had a hard day!” or “Well, it’s necessary, so unlucky!”. And if a person, on the contrary, boasts of his achievements, also use template phrases: “It's just great that your business has gone uphill!” or "I'm glad you're okay."
MAKE VEILED COMPLIMENTS
If you give a direct compliment, it will sound too intrusive. Therefore, try to compliment your interlocutor in a third person. For example, you need to ask a colleague for a favor, say: "Could you help me .... by the way, our boss considers you the most promising employee!" It is not necessary to praise professionalism, you can also mention personal qualities.
GET THE INTERVIEWER TO PRAISE YOURSELF
There is only a thin line between compliments and flattery. You need to try to make the interlocutor begin to admire himself. Example: A person tells how he worked tirelessly to finish a project on time. In response, tell him: “You are very hardworking, you have great willpower, only a professional can do this work in such a time frame!”
CONTACT THE INTERVIEWER WITH A REQUEST
Remember the famous saying: "A person will be more disposed towards you if he does you good than if you render him such a service." Showing kindness makes a person "grow" in their own eyes. Psychologists are sure that in order to arouse sympathy, you need not do a favor, but make a request yourself.
INTENTIONALLY MAKE A MISTAKE
In the process of communication, deliberately make a mistake, for example, in the pronunciation of a phrase or word. Make sure that the interlocutor pays attention to it and corrects you. In response, be embarrassed, thank him and correct yourself. This way you will catch as many as three birds with one stone! Firstly, a person will feel more confident, secondly, he will communicate as freely as possible, and thirdly, he will subconsciously give himself the moral right to make a mistake in a conversation with you. As a result, you will draw the necessary conclusions for yourself without arousing antipathy in the interlocutor and without dropping your own dignity.
"Ask, and it shall be given you"
Matthew 7:7
“I myself” - for many women today these words have become the real motto of life. As they say, stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut... It so happened (and historically as well) that women, especially Russian-speaking women, are used to taking on a significant part of the responsibilities not only in the family, but also at work, and patiently carry this burden on fragile female shoulders, sincerely believing that others will not do better. And in relationships with men, this is the most common problem. And as a result, women simply forget how to ask, and, accordingly, receive help, support, and services.
However, it also happens that a woman wants to ask, but does not do it, thinking that it is somehow awkward, ugly, that she does not want to be refused or cause inconvenience to others or look needy, imperfect, dependent, who cannot cope with herself. with their tasks. We are women like that - we will scroll through a million options for the development of events in our heads before we decide to take at least one step. In addition, being able to ask, as well as accept and interpret refusals, is extremely important if you are an entrepreneur.
I learned to ask correctly when I was left alone with my little daughter in my arms in a foreign country. This skill has directly affected my personal life and business. Of course, I could solve all my problems on my own, which were many, with my head held high, and never ask anyone for anything, but I chose a different path - more natural for a woman. I asked for a little help, asked for support, asked for small favors. Moreover, it was at that moment that I started my very first online business and began to establish partnerships with high-profile people. To my great surprise, they gladly responded to my requests, and if I did not receive an answer, then I asked again. It was scary, embarrassing, uncomfortable. So what to do? I had to move forward. But I asked not only from people, but also from the Universe itself - and as a result, it gave me everything that I dreamed of, and even more.
Since then, I have forever understood two important things for myself - you must be able to sincerely ask and sincerely give. Then we are all given to each other to lend a helping hand at the right time and be there. And at the same time, you need to be ready to hear a refusal - after all, people have every right to either show you a favor or refuse. And in order for your requests to be heard and for you to hear refusals as rarely as possible, you need to know how to ask correctly and at the same time feel great.
1. Politely and openly express your request.
Always be honest and open about your desires and requests, even if you understand that you may be denied. Don't manipulate people into showing that you'll be offended if they don't do what you ask. Instead of veiled demands for your request, politely and openly ask for help. If the request is about your business, sincerely share your big plans and enthusiasm - this inspires people and awakens an even greater desire to help you.
2. Ask in a calm, soft, and kind voice.
Often people (especially men) can refuse a request because they hear it as an order. Any person will feel hurt in such a situation and coldly respond to such a request. Therefore, if you want to increase the chances of getting what you want a hundredfold, ask gently, calmly, kindly. Not a single person, and in particular a man, will remain indifferent to such a female request. If you receive a refusal, in no case do not react to it with aggression and anger, just take it as another chance to repeat your request.
4. Speak or write clearly and specifically.
Vague requests lead to vague results. And some people, because of the fear of asking, begin to beat around the bush, tell long back stories about what caused the request itself, and so on. This is ineffective - if a person initially wanted to help, then everything that accompanies this request already annoys him. Be clear about what you need and when. This is especially true for requests addressed to men, and doubly especially if your relationship is just beginning, because they do not understand hints.
Translating this to the business sphere, I will say from my experience that if you yourself are not 100% sure of what you are doing and what you are asking for, if you are not ready to provide clear details, plans and specifics at your request, then you will not be taken seriously. Prepare to the maximum for the request and you will get what you want.
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In transport, in the store and just on the street, we are constantly faced with the need to turn to a person we don’t know. How to do it right? “Woman”, “man”, “girl”, “young man” involuntarily fly off the tongue. However, these words sound rude, unnatural, and sometimes even insulting. What if you can’t immediately determine the approximate age of the person you want to contact?
Where the right words are "lost"
Unfortunately, in modern Russian there are no analogues to the neutral "Mrs" and "Mr", as in the English, or "Madame" and "Monsieur" - in the French. But only 100 years ago they were, and in abundance.
People of noble birth addressed each other "sir" and "madame", "mister" and "madam" (the position was usually added to the last pair, for example, "Mr. Judge"). In addition, there was a whole series of appeals, or titles associated with the position of a person in the Table of Ranks. As you know, in this document all civil, military and court ranks were divided into 14 classes. The ranks of the first and second classes had to be addressed as “your excellency”, the third and fourth - “your excellency”, and so on, up to the modest “your honor”, which was awarded to officials from grades 9 to 14.
Among the common people, the appeals “master” and “lady”, “sir” and “madame”, “father” and “mother” were in use. However, all this diversity was banned overnight when the power in the country changed and the Bolsheviks, who took the helm, declared a fight against class inequality. The words "citizen" and "citizen", as well as the genderless universal "comrade", were introduced into circulation. This rule has been in place for several decades.
At the turn of the century, our country experienced a new change of power. The word "comrade" quickly fell out of fashion and became associated with the ideology of yesteryear. Young people were especially active in getting rid of it, and today it can be heard only in the circles of members of a certain party. The forms "citizen" and "citizen" have been preserved as official addresses, but they sound bad and make one alert ("citizen, let's go").
So, pre-revolutionary forms of address were banned many decades ago, the words that replaced them also outlived themselves, and nothing came to replace the latter. Attempts are being made again in the old manner to call the girl a young lady, and the young man - sir. But while these forms sound unnatural, and even with a touch of mockery. And not in all situations they are appropriate (for example, in crowded transport).
What appeals exist in modern language
There are not many options, and, unfortunately, none of them is at the same time suitable for all cases, neutral and polite. See for yourself:
Woman / girl, man / young man - sounds rude, hints at age and can offend;
Sir, madam - in everyday speech and everyday conversations it sounds unnatural;
Madam, young lady - has a touch of irony;
Citizen, citizen - sounds formal, causes negative associations;
Mother, father, brother, countryman - familiar;
Dear, dearest, most respectable, dear - they sound condescending and sarcastic.
There are certain speech situations in which certain forms of address are acceptable. For example, an elderly person may address younger people as “daughter” or “son”, while a child may be allowed to say “aunt” and “uncle”. It is also sometimes allowed to address the interlocutor, calling his profession: "doctor", "professor", "conductor".
However, alas, there is no universal "life buoy" for all occasions in modern Russian. What if you want to observe etiquette and not offend the interlocutor?
How to address strangers
To start a conversation with a person whose name you don't know, use neutral phrases.
If your potential interlocutor is looking the other way, and you need to draw his attention to yourself, they will do:
May I ask you?
Excuse me, please…
Sorry…
Sorry…
Once eye contact is established, continue the conversation and state your request or question. It is appropriate to add a greeting.
You won't tell...
Could you…
Good afternoon, tell me please ...
Hello! Tell me please…
So you can strike up a conversation and find out the information you need without racking your brains on how to contact a person.
There are people whose job it is to advise or provide services to other people. These are waiters, consultants, sellers. You do not need to start a conversation with them with an apology, as you do not distract them from their business. You are their business at the moment. Instead of “excuse me”, you can say “be kind”, “can I ask you?” or "be kind."
If a person is just going about their business or is busy with work not related to serving visitors, then it would be appropriate to start the phrase with an apology.
People of many professions - doctors, salesmen, waiters - wear badges with names. If you see such a badge, you can address the person by their first name (or first name and patronymic, if it is indicated in full). Don't forget to say "you".
Will the appeals “sir”, “lady” and others return to speech?
I would like to hope that someday we will return to the old forms of address, such as "sir", "mister", "madam" or "lady", pronouncing them without a hint of irony or familiarity. Or that new appeals will be born naturally in the language. However, now is not the time in which it would be possible to plant this or that word forcibly, as “comrade” once planted. Therefore, we can only wait and watch the language, because, like a living organism, it is constantly changing, developing, trying new things and leaving only the viable.
Warm greetings to all! Compliance with speech etiquette in official business or everyday communication with unfamiliar interlocutors is a very important indicator of your education and upbringing. If you want to receive any information, agree on something, conclude a successful deal, then you must address the interlocutor politely. Therefore, today you will learn how to ask your interlocutor with a request and give permission. English Communication Etiquette: Asking for and Permission
When I talk about making a request, I mean not only the request for specific items, but also the request to perform some act. For example, asking for help. If you want to take something, touch it, examine it, go through it, then you definitely need to ask permission: Can I go into your room? Of course, in the process of communicating with a well-mannered person, you will also ask for something or ask permission. Therefore, it is important to learn how to respond to requests and give permission, which we will actually do right now.
Remember a similar lesson How to politely end a conversation?
And now let's read a short conversation, the background and summary of which is as follows: our friend radio journalist M. Lerner visited one of the American military facilities. Martin is on a large aircraft carrier. The reporter talks to the crew members of the ship and the pilot of one aircraft in English:
Martin: May I look at the planes? - Can I (Can I) look at the planes? (ask permission)
Captain:OK. Look at the planes. Talk to the pilots. - Good. Look at the planes. Talk to pilots
Martin: May I look around the ship? May (can I) inspect the ship?
Captain: Of course… Would you like to see the ship now? - Of course ... Would you like to inspect the ship now?
Martin: May I? - Can i? (literally: can I?)
Captain: You can't go some places. You can't see everything. You can't go to some places. You can't see everything
Martin:May I ask why? - May I ask why?
Captain: For security. It's a nuclear ship, you know. - For safety. This is a nuclear ship, you know.
Carefully read the fragment of the conversation between Martin Lerner and the captain of the aircraft carrier several times. Try to remember speech constructions with which you can give permission or, conversely, prohibit something, reject a request.
And then listen to the audio recording of the lesson to learn how to perceive the fluent speech of native speakers in the process of communicating in English. You can also use an audio lesson voiced by professional speakers to practice your own American pronunciation: /wp-content/uploads/2014/11/russian_english_067.mp3
Give permission in English
Use a handy table with vocabulary in Russian and English to study English appeals to your interlocutor with a request, as well as learn how to give permission in English. A table with text will help you master new material much faster.
| request and permission | |
| Phrases | |
| I don't mind | I don't mind |
| Good | |
| Certainly | Of course. Sure |
| Nouns | |
| the fight | battle |
| bunk | bunk |
| club | club |
| deck | deck |
| emergency | emergency |
| celebration | holiday |
| living room | lounge |
| cabin, accommodation | quarters |
| secrets | secrets |
| safety | security |
| ship | ship |
| space, place | space (area) |
| excursion | tour |
| aircraft carrier | aircraft carrier |
| workplace | station |
| Adverbs | |
| farther | farther |
| in the hold below deck | Bell deck |
| Adjectives | |
| accurate | exact |
| nuclear | nuclear |
| forbidden, forbidden | off limits |
| upper | upper |
| Verbs | |
| count on…, rely on…, depend on… | to depend |
| to waste, to waste | to waste |
| become acquainted | to meet |
| appreciate, be grateful | to appreciate |
| show, accompany | to show smb. around |
| leave space unused | to waste space |
Save the chart to your computer or print it out so you can review and review the words from time to time.
Be sure to complete Homework (Homework):
- Reread the dialogue at the beginning of the lesson aloud several times, memorize it, and practice with a friend.
- Read the requests for permission aloud, answer them positively in English, and write in your notebook:
- May I have some coffee?
- May I ask you a question?
- May I ask you about your work?
- May I look around the ship?
- May I take this book?
3. Translate into English and write down the translation in a notebook:
- Can I ask you a question? Certainly.
- May I ask you about your work? Okay.
- May I borrow this book? I don't mind.
- May I inspect the ship? (Can I see the ship?) Of course.
Thank you all for your attention and trust. I wish you a great mood and a good day! Good luck!