Field twelfth Be in character Props: a photo of people in full growth (for style analysis), a tablet, fabrics, threads, wooden blanks, beads, buttons, accessories, pieces of leather, glue, copper wire, scissors, paper,

In modern psychology, fashion for children. On the inside. Different directions and techniques offer to recognize your inner child. To meet with something forgotten inside, in need of support and giving inner strength. Talk, learn, accept and start listening to his needs.
The wonderful golden child is so seductive. Its purity, spontaneity and innocence give strength and beauty to our lives. In a romantic attitude towards the inner child, experts from various fields are in solidarity. They explain this phenomenon each in their own way. Although in one thing, they seem to be similar. The “inner child” is primarily a metaphor that helps open access to the creative, authentic, wise, joyful and tender part of yourself.
But ... even such a golden baby can turn into an insidious werewolf.

Being carried away by “working with the inner child”, we run the risk of falling into the old trap. Idealizing our bright sunny child, we forget about its reverse side - about the dark and eternally unsatisfied offspring. Approaching our inner world with the help of clear rational schemes, we ignore the hidden irrational. By focusing only on the positive, we unleash the negativity dormant inside.
And at the same time, a well-known paradox turns on: as soon as you discover some effective technique for yourself (or when something becomes a technique), this same technique stops working.

The old French fairy tale "The Magic Log" will help to understand the reverse essence of the inner child.
Once upon a time there was a grandfather and a woman, and they had no children. “Why do you need a baby, you are already poor, he will eat you,” the neighbors told them. But they really wanted him, their baby. So much so that one day a piece of log looked like a small child to my grandfather. He brought it to his wife. And they began to nurse him. But Log was very hungry. It constantly, constantly wanted to eat. Ate grandma. Ate grandfather. And then their omniscient neighbors.
In general, this insatiable kid walked around the village and said:
I am a hungry stump
I ate the whole pudding cold,
Drank a glass of milk
Ate a slice of bread.
But the food is over
Swallowed mom and dad.
And I'll eat you!
And swallowed everyone he met on the way. Such Kolobok is the opposite. And peasants, and their cattle, etc., etc. Until one quick-witted peasant woman in a cabbage field plunged her hoe into his stomach. And all the eaten villagers with cattle and equipment fell out of his belly. Including the woman with the grandfather, his parents. “And they didn’t want a baby anymore,” that tale ends.

A fairly well-known Czech film "Log" was shot based on this fairy tale. Its creator, Jan Shvankmajer, is not only a film director, but also a screenwriter, artist, set designer, sculptor, and animator. In his manifesto "The Magic of Objects", he calls for the return of the irrational to its space, "the adequate place that it occupies in the human psyche."
This film is scary, strange, absurd and ridiculous. And emotionally accurate. It makes us feel like we are caught up in our dark irrational experiences. How we pass before them. As we drown in their hopelessness. And we get eaten.

Psychotherapist Stephen Wolinsky has a book on this subject, The Dark Side of the Inner Child. “One day I was invited to give a presentation to a group of about forty psychotherapists. I asked the participants, “Have any of you healed your inner child? Do you know anyone who has done this?" I did not hear a single answer, ”Wolinsky writes.
The bottom line is that the wounded inner child doesn't really need to be healed. He's stuck in an old psychological defense mechanism. Left in the past and does not intend to get out of there. There is his bread and his song. Such a child sees the world frozen, he resists the present, he does not perceive reality as it appears here and now, because he is not now and not here. He is stuck in the old system of beliefs and stereotypes.

So a wounded child is not only a baby in need of our support, but also a monster ready to devour us. (There is another good book about this duality of the traumatic defense mechanism, The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched.)
Such a baby does not have a feeling of fullness, like a shark. And he is ready to endlessly absorb the psychic energy that you are ready to give him. He needs your fears, anger, resentment, hatred, dissatisfaction with yourself ... More and more. And he will never be fed up with them.
Moreover, each significant deep traumatic experience generates its own protective mechanism. Every painful story creates its own little disgruntled offspring, says Stephen Wolinsky. And there is more than one joyful and needy baby living in us. A whole orphanage.
Whose inhabitants can be even those pranksters. Capricious blackmailers. Eternally hungry gluttons. Even cannibals. They can prevent us from taking even a step. Binging. Treat us. Put in an awkward position. Chew resentment. And spit on them. Feed on anger. Pull down, back. They can take us hostage to our own past. Our traumatic experiences. Strakhov. And hate.

But most of the time we just don't notice it. Because when a wounded inner child wakes up in us, we fall into a trance. We turn on the usual protective automatisms that we do not control. We are indeed being eaten by this baby. Together with all our reality - with a cart, with a horse, neighbors, etc., etc.
And here it is important to understand what is happening. Understand that you are now covered by all this. Stick a hoe into the belly of this mechanism so that everything that was absorbed falls out from there. Our awareness flooded with childish feelings. Feeling yourself. The ability to manage yourself. The ability to make decisions and follow them. Our big me.

In general, miracles, of course, happen. But relying only on them is not the best way to reach them. Even Blessed Augustine ordered to pray as if everything depends only on God, and to work as if everything depends only on you.
To find genuine treasures, you have to go through difficult adventures. If you don't believe me, re-read Stevenson.
So the meeting with the inner child is not only a magical holiday with colorful balloons, strawberries with cream, soulful songs, dances and kisses. This is a whole company of hungry orphans inside.
And it is important not only to hope for a miracle within oneself, but also something else, also important. Attention to what is happening. Awareness. Honesty towards yourself. And acceptance. And also the ability to recognize internal trances when a little cannibal begins to hypnotize you. The ability to tear it from the chest when it starts to devour you. An inner opportunity to see what the needs are behind it all. The determination to meet these needs. In general, it is attention, love and compassion for yourself. Internal discipline and constant practice, too.

So the golden baby inside is often just an illusion, the sweet house of Baba Yaga. And if you go into it imprudently, you risk being eaten. However, there is always the opportunity to show a wooden stump instead of your own finger to the witch. There is always a chance to be saved.
To do this, you just need to wake up, get out of the trance. And take responsibility for what happens.

Svetlana Gamzaeva psychologist Nizhny Novgorod # spices of the soul

Today I had a dream. I am still under his influence.

Wounded Angel, 1903 Hugo Simberg

To traumatic events in our lives (traumatic specifically for us and, perhaps, quite insignificant on a “global” scale), the emotional reaction comes from the ego-state of the Inner Child. This is my dream - it very clearly reflected this.

Much has been said and written about the Inner Child. A little theory, for those who are not familiar with this term. The concept of the Inner Child (IR) came to us from the theory of transactional analysis by E. Berne.

Each person at any moment of time is in the state of the Parent, Adult or Child, and this is how he manifests himself in relation to other people. But the Inner Child is what kind of child a person is to himself. It is not visible to others, but expresses the most important problems of the self-attitude of the individual. BP is happy or unhappy depending on how the person relates to him, and how he relates to the person as a whole, as well as to himself. It is the emotional state of the Inner Child that determines the main emotional tone of the individual, the feeling of immediate happiness or, conversely, depression, self-confidence or one's own worthlessness. VR can take revenge for something on the person himself, give him success or failure, lead him to a certain lifestyle and predetermine the choice of work, friends, life partner or attitude towards his own children.

The state of VR is created by certain conditions of life in childhood, primarily by how the child was treated by his parents, what verbal and non-verbal “instructions” he received from them, how he understood them, and what decisions he made based on them.

Once created states are stored in the adult state "by default", as life attitudes and an adult usually does not realize how they give rise to his chronic emotions, behaviors and life strategies. The Inner Child retains the basic adaptations chosen in childhood and is responsible for basic goals and motives.

It is the Inner Child that is the source of psychic energy, desires, drives and needs. Here joy, intuition, creativity, fantasy, curiosity, spontaneous activity. But the Injured Inner Child, instead of joy, gives us childish fears and resentments, whims and discontent, which makes the whole life seem like hard labor. You can hide, reject, ignore your inner Child as much as you like - its needs, but it will still make itself felt.

All sorts of people come to me for therapy. With various difficulties in your present life. With different destinies and different childhoods.

So this is what all of my clients have in common - trauma from childhood.

Surprisingly, but in almost all of us lives a small traumatized child. It is a great happiness if a person had a truly happy and free childhood. If he was loved, accepted, allowed to be himself. They didn’t involve him in psychological games (he didn’t see them at all), they didn’t hang him with the functions of a parent (if there were brothers and sisters), they didn’t use him as a tool of manipulation.

His needs were not ignored. Or they did not suppress them with over-concern.

Unfortunately, I do not know such people.

My childhood, for all its "goodness", was also not one of the happy ones.

I had psychotherapy for my Inner Child in a group. And these were very strong impressions and discoveries. Discovery for yourself.

Working to heal your Inner Child is a process that takes time. But it's worth it. The inner child is our true self. When we learn to understand it, we will learn to understand ourselves.

The Inner Free Child is a resource for an already adult person. If an adult person has established contact with his Inner Child, then from living life he experiences many joyful moments. Such a person has a desire to live and the energy to move forward, he looks into the future with a smile and hope. It is easier for such a person to answer the question “what does he want”, “what pleases him”. For those people whose connection with the Inner Child is broken, even such a seemingly simple question causes difficulty. It is difficult for them to orient themselves in their own desires. Or in the worst case scenario - they "have not wanted anything for a long time."

As a summary, I want to summarize: most of life's problems are the result of a broken connection with the Inner Child.

Reconnecting with your Inner Child and healing from childhood trauma is best done with a mental health professional. It can be both individual and group psychotherapy. From a psychotherapist, in addition to the skill of working with your Inner Child, you will receive emotional and personal support, which is so necessary in this difficult period of conscious growing up.

Once again I want to emphasize that the process is not quick and sometimes quite painful. During these Inner Child therapy sessions, everyone weeps—men, women, successful businessmen, and tough leaders. But these are tears of relief, releasing from tension, sometimes kept for decades inside.

What is Inner Child Therapy?

If in a few words, then feeling the joy of life.

That childish perception of delight from the fact that “I am” and “Life is” is returning.

There are many techniques for reconnecting with the Inner Child. On my own, I suggest that you begin your acquaintance with the system of healing procedures for the Inner Child with the psychotechnology “Spring Greenery” by L. Bonds from the book “Magic of Color”. Here is how it is described in the book by S.V. Kovalev. “We come from a terrible childhood or How to become the master of your past, present and future”

I quote an excerpt:

"one. Take your jacket and roll it up. It is important that the jacket is yours.

2. With your folded jacket next to you, take a stable position in a chair, press your feet firmly to the floor.

3. Take the jacket with both hands and, holding it firmly, place it on top of your knees.

4. Take a look at the bundle, clearly imagining that for the first time you took yourself, a small child, in your arms.

5. Now talk to the baby who has never been. heard your voice. For example, repeat the following words: "I will never leave you again." Pause. "Never. You will be with me. Can you hear me?" Pause. "I will never leave you again." Pause. "Never. You will always be with me now." Pause. "Is always".

6. Repeat this until you are absolutely sure that the "child" can hear you.

7. In conclusion, take a small bundle in your arms, press it to your chest and shake it like a child.

L. Bonds notes that you may need to repeat this exercise once a day for several days, until your Inner Child finally believes you, because "he" or "she" still lived in constant fear because were abandoned, and all "their" experience suggests that we, adults, do not pay due attention to our children.
A further development of your work with your own Traumatized Child can be the psycho-technology “Peel the child you were” by J. Reinwater (“It's in your power”). This procedure, which is very similar to the above, is done as follows.

Take a comfortable position for you, relax, close your eyes, enter a relaxed, receptive state of consciousness.

Choose some difficult period of your childhood. Imagine what you were then. How do you see yourself as a child? Is he sitting, lying or walking?

Contact him. Tell him some warm words of approval and support. Give him some advice. Be his parent (protector, friend, guardian) as you yourself wanted to have. Pick up a soft toy that will depict the child you were, caress, lull it.

When you have completed this exercise, be sure to write down the feelings and thoughts that come into your mind. For many people, this is a very powerful experience, and sometimes a breakthrough.

However, it is very possible that your Inner Child was traumatized, as they say, immediately - from the moment of birth. If so, it would be better if you use psychotechnology. "Become a parent to yourself", the description of which I made according to the proposed by J. Graham ("How to become a parent to yourself. A happy neurotic") options for procedures.

Imagine that you are present at your own birth. As soon as you are born, turn all your feelings to the newborn baby, take him in your arms, wrap him in your arms and just caress him, at the same time gently looking into the eyes of your newly born baby. When you notice that your newborn self is returning that look to you, or just seeing you, reach out to that Inner Child of yours and tell that you love and understand him and that you will help him grow into an adult. Reassure your Child that he/she has come to a safe world where you will provide him/her with the necessary protection and assistance. Reassure your Inner Child that he will never feel alone or resentful, that he can become whoever he wants and how he wants; that he will no longer need to fight for victory and suffer defeat, because you, his adult consciousness, will help your Child to go through any trials. Explain to your Inner Child that he does not know feelings of loneliness or fear, because you will reward him with such attention that he (you) will grow up in an atmosphere of love and security. Reassure your Child that he will not need to resort to desperate attempts to get attention (which are reinforced in the form of neurotic and psychosomatic symptoms), because you will listen and hear him. And obey wherever it is really needed.

And another one of my favorites :)

Think about and write down 25 of your favorite activities (blow bubbles/airplanes/kite; draw; bake cookies; knit; swim/dive; play football/hockey/checkers/chess/bingo/hide and seek; sing; dance; ice skate/ skiing / sledding / cycling; climb trees / rocks / fences 😉; sculpt from plasticine; etc.)

What from this list did you really enjoy in early childhood?

What on this list do you really enjoy now? When was the last time you allowed yourself to do any of the things you listed?

Put the date next to each class. And don't be surprised if it turns out that it was many years ago.

Pick something you haven't done in a very, very long time and... do it!

Find a moment for yourself every day. Do not postpone and do not put off "for later" - from Monday, from the New Year, from vacation.

A PHOTO Getty Images

I have a habit of looking at people. I recently rode the subway and looked at my grandmother and grandson. And my grandson looked at me. Grandmother noticed this and defiantly said loudly: “Muscovites have a bad habit of looking at people like this (and goggled). This is not appropriate!" The message was intended for me, but my grandmother did not dare to say it to my face, but looked at the boy. I didn’t mind at all that he looked at me, I was pleased with his interest. But the boy immediately cringed and looked away from me. This is how adults cut off children's creative intentions to explore the world and interact with it. You can’t look at people, but, in fact, why? Why should ordinary research interest be considered unacceptable and indecent?

If the inner child is weakly manifested in you personally, it is worth not just once or twice, but many times to show him that he is very important to you, and to resolve much of what was previously forbidden. I offer you several exercises to connect and strengthen the position of the inner child. The exercises are taken from Julia Cameron's book 1 and creatively redesigned by my inner child.

• Resurrecting buried dreams

Remember what you loved as a child and what dreams you had. To do this, close your eyes, focus on your breath, feel your center, breathe into it, and then enter it and find yourself in childhood. Stay there as long as you need, remember your favorite activities, hobbies, friends and fantasies. Then come back to the present moment and write:

• Five hobbies that interest you.
• Five subjects or courses that you enjoy.
• Five skills you would like to master.
• Five activities that once gave you pleasure.
• Five things that seem attractive to you, but don't do them.

• What would I do if it wasn't "not possible".

Review the list of the last five items from the previous task. These are taboo activities that your inner child would love to do, but can't because your inner critic, who comes from a critical parent, forbids him. The inner critic (just like father, mother, grandmother or grandfather used to say) says that normal, well-mannered, decent, adequate people should not do this.

Very often, even just creating a list of forbidden pleasures is enough to break down the barriers that prevent the fulfillment of desires. Hang this list in a prominent place. Ask yourself: "Why is this not possible?" You have grown up and may already be able to secure these activities or support them financially. Check if it's already possible.

1. Skydiving, scuba diving. Why not? "It's dangerous," the critic replies. But you are an adult and you can take security measures.
2. Belly dance, latin dances. Why not? "It's indecent," the critic replies. But you are an adult and want to demonstrate your femininity and sexuality. This is normal for an adult woman.
3. Publication of own poems. Why not? "It's a show off," the critic replies. But you are an adult, and it is your responsibility to express your self and present the products of your creativity to the world.
4. Buying a drum kit. Why not? “It's loud and violates the borders of the neighbors,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and can take care of soundproofing and take responsibility for conflicts that may arise.
5. Cycling in France. Why not? “It's expensive, you don't have a passport, you'll get lost,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and you can solve all these problems: earn money, get a passport and take a good map or navigator with you on the road.

• creative walk

Choose something that your inner child loves and go on a creative walk with him, where he can realize this desire. Pamper him. On the way, buy him everything he asks for - ice cream, balls. Pick up from the ground everything that he likes, everything that arouses his interest - pebbles, coins, nails. Take him wherever he asks - to modeling or painting, to the zoo, to the museum, to the bowling alley, to the deserted beach. Give him plenty to do what he wants - draw in the sand, sculpt on a potter's wheel, stare at people, drive boats through puddles. Write down all the creative ideas that your inner child comes up with. Go on creative walks at least once a week.

Make the creative walk a priority and don't let your inner critic deprive your inner child of that fun.

Support any manifestations of your inner child. So that he is not afraid to develop. Development, not perfection, is what matters. In short, do what he wants, ensuring the safety of these activities through the internal adult. And then your inner child will begin to gush with creative ideas and provide you with irrepressible energy to implement them.

1 D. Cameron "The Way of the Artist" (Gayatri, 2015).