Is it worth rewarding the child for good grades. Should children be paid money for good grades in school or not? How to reward your child for good behavior

And today let's talk about child reward. Well, let's get started ...

If you understand and think carefully, then studying for children is similar to working for adults. Parents receive material rewards for their work, and children? Should they be rewarded for doing well in school? Let's look at three versions of parents.

3 main parenting statements

Version No. 1
Encouraging learning from an early age is only spoiling. Let them learn that not everything in life is paid for, most things are done just like that, out of respect or out of friendship. And then such a money extortionist will grow up and then he will have the right to download it: if you don't do this to me, then I will not try.

Version # 2
If the child shows very good results, then you can pay. Or otherwise celebrate his success. You can let go for a longer walk, buy the desired thing as a gift (for older children), spend the whole day with your child, taking him to the zoo or to attractions (for elementary schoolchildren), give him a cool computer game, and the like.

Version No. 3
Of course, you need to be rewarded for the results. How else? Let them learn that good work is appreciated, and then they will work with double energy. Money is the measure of success; there is nothing wrong with receiving a deserved reward. And the child himself will dispose of what he earned. After all, if you just work "in vain" and have nothing for it, then there will be no incentive.

Of course, all three versions have a right to exist and each has its own truth. Parents who are guided by the first principle will not allow children to spoil, demanding more and more encouragement for each successive assessment.

Those who adhere to the second version will make it clear to the child that not all gratitude is expressed in money - at times this is due to the expansion of rights and boundaries of authority.

Those in favor of the third option will teach children to set goals and achieve them. Therefore, all three statements are useful and correct.

Now let's look at a useful method of raising children.

The carrot and stick method

It is useful to apply this method in raising children. If we interpret it in relation to our topic, it means that both encouragement and punishment should be effective. When a child receives one low grade, he must be warned that he is doing wrong and it's time to correct.

If your words were deliberately ignored, take action. You can not give out the next pocket money, deprive the child of some pleasure, which he hoped for, or force him to immediately learn a lesson and check it out.

This parenting position is designed to show children that adult life will pass in this way: mistakes are paid for, and hard work leads to success.

It is especially good if there is interaction between the teacher and the parents. The child is systematically misbehaving, skipping classes or not doing homework - this is recorded in the diary, and a call comes home. And parents are taking action to get their child back on track. Similarly, there should be a notification about good events: an entry in a diary - and another encouragement.

If there are several children in the family, then such a reaction of parents to the action of an older brother or sister will help the first-born to understand initially that it is more beneficial for them to behave correctly, not to start the learning process.

And so ... Let's summarize!

My personal opinion is that the return from good teaching should come from both the parents and the teacher. This gives a great incentive and desire to learn.

But, parents should not abuse only gifts and money. You need to distribute. For example: Received 5 for answering at the blackboard. Well done! Right now we will take something tasty and celebrate this event.

The language of money is one of those that modern children learn quickly and absolutely without coercion. The practice of giving out pocket money, encouraging good behavior with a ruble or a big sum presented by a grandmother for a birthday - all this allows the child to quickly understand the benefits of his personal material well-being. Therefore, when parents, in order to motivate the child to study, begin to encourage "fives" and "fours" in cash, the student quickly gets used to a new way to "earn".

Bash on bash

The principle of market relations regarding school success is quite simple: for each good grade or upon successful completion of a quarter / half year, the child receives a certain amount of cash. For many parents, counting bills for a dear child once a week or once a quarter is much easier than spending precious evening hours every day checking homework, discussing a school project, or monitoring whether a child is studying after school in general.

However, in most cases, moms and dads justify their actions not by their own laziness or lack of time, but by a modern special attitude to the learning process and motivation. The logic is simple. Adults work and are paid for it. Salary is the main motivation for many, especially when the work is difficult and does not bring much joy. A child is learning - this is his main "job", and to receive rewards for success in it is as natural as receiving a salary. In addition, in school, children must prepare for adulthood, and in the adult world, money plays a huge role. The more successful a businessman is, the more he earns. The more professional the employee is, the more he gets paid. Why doesn't a child earn good grades?

Another aspect of this approach to motivating schoolchildren: what amount will be necessary and sufficient for the child to really want to “earn” it and make more effort in his studies? And on the other hand, so that this amount would not be a burden to the parental budget? Or another example: do all fives have the same "weight"? And in physics and physical education? Usually, in each family it is decided individually. It is important, when switching to "market relations", to immediately discuss the entire "price" with the child. So that later there would be no surprises if a teenager at one point comes with the question: "Mom, how much will you throw for an A for a six-month math test?"

Experts argue that pedagogical use of money is fundamentally the wrong decision. Increasing "payments" in case of school success and "cutting" pocket money in case of failures disrupts both the learning process itself and the formation of a healthy attitude to money. Monetary rewards cannot replace parental participation in the educational process. For children, not only the result (assessment and reward) is important, but also the process itself: the training and active participation of parents in it, their attention to what happens to them at school. Even an ordinary conversation or discussion with parents on the topic of an upcoming essay, creative project or incomprehensible material helps the child to “put on the shelves” the heap of knowledge that the teacher is trying to convey to him. And, for example, an explanation of the principle of communicating vessels performed by the Pope and utility containers in the kitchen will be remembered faster and better than a paragraph read ten times in a textbook.

It is imperative to encourage your child to do well in school. This will give the student motivation, give him confidence in his abilities. It also allows parents to express their pride in their son or daughter.

How to reward your child for doing well

There are many ways to encourage your child to learn. Some of the parents praise for each grade, someone switches to monetary relations with the child and pays for good studies. Some parents buy expensive things that the child asks for, while others send their son or daughter on a good holiday abroad. There are many ways to encourage children, each of which has both positive and negative qualities.

Cash incentives

Cash incentives for good grades are known to many families. Parents pay the child to receive fours and fives, or pay a certain amount for good grades in a quarter. This really increases the child's motivation, he begins to try better in the classroom, his academic performance increases and his behavior at school improves. Such parents believe that school is work for the child, and a prize is awarded for doing well.

This opinion is really true, but it is necessary to explain to such a child that he studies not for teachers, parents and not for the sake of money, but for himself. It is useful to explain to him what the knowledge gained will be useful for. Then the child's motivation will not be limited only by the desire to earn money. In addition, such children may show not just motivation to get a good grade, but addiction when they go to school even with a temperature or force themselves to study an unloved subject at any cost, so that they do not get a bad grade. And some schoolchildren who are paid by their parents show a desire for deception and secrecy, detachment from classmates, and isolation.

Giving gifts is also one of the long-standing parenting traditions to reward schoolchildren. It is quite effective both for motivating the student and for expressing parental gratitude and praise for good performance. When a student knows that he has been promised some good thing that he has long wanted - a computer, bicycle, tablet or phone, he starts trying to finish the year with good grades. Often such a gift is some kind of permission or rest where the child wants to go. But you need to agree with the child on something pleasant for him, so that he really wants to get it, and also negotiate all the terms of such an agreement in advance. It is very important that parents make sure to fulfill this promise, and not find fault at the last moment about some trifle and do not cancel their decision. Otherwise, the child may lose any motivation to study.

Encouraging children is a very effective way of parenting, which is an additional incentive for good behavior. This is why it is necessary to use a wide variety of forms of praise.

But parents should be careful about rewards, since their excess can negatively affect the formation of a child's personality. What is the right way to encourage a child and what is not worth praising for?

Psychologists clarify that praising children often leads to the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as capriciousness, selfishness, and infantilism. Some mums and dads do not see the difference between rewards and material rewards, seeking to enlist children's obedience with money.

Consequently, praise can be both a useful and a harmful parenting "tool".

A few simple rules will help you master the art of reward, and once mastered, you can avoid many educational mistakes.

What can you do to encourage your child?

In fact, there are many forms of toddler approval that work effectively depending on specific situations. What methods of encouragement are identified by psychologists?

1. The most widely used and most common method of reward is conventional praise, which involves verbal stimulation. Simply put, the child is praised for good behavior, his actions are approved, supported by the parents.
2. Another effective method is caress, which includes kisses, hugs, gentle strokes on the back or head. Sometimes they are more important and much more effective than ordinary words. This form of reward is most often applied to young children.
3. An interesting way to motivate yourself is to take extra time to play or play together. It is often used in order to get the necessary action from children. For example: "We will go to the playground as soon as you clean the room."
4. If grown-up children behave well, help adults, they can be encouraged by expanding rights and lifting prohibitions on any action. For example, schoolchildren are allowed to go to bed half an hour or an hour later for good grades.
5. Toys, sweets and other rewards motivate children to do the right things. However, this method should be treated with caution, since many children begin to demand material incentives for each of their actions.

The best effect can be achieved using various methods of rewards, depending on the age of the baby, his psychological characteristics.

Parental mistakes when rewarding children

We have already said that rash use of praise can harm both the child himself and your relationship with him. Check if you do not repeat the following mistakes when communicating with your baby.

1. Sometimes children only behave well in the presence of other people, wanting to receive a reward or make an impression. This is often due to excessive praise from parents and grandmothers: "You are the smartest boy in the world!"
2. Little manipulators grow up in families in which adults try to "bribe" children with various rewards for any good deed. Did the child share a typewriter with his little sister? Adults buy him a new toy, etc.
3. Some parents praise their child, while belittling the dignity of other children. For example: "Your drawing is much more beautiful than Masha's." It is preferable to compare the child with himself, pointing out that with each achievement he becomes smarter, more economical.

How to reward a child for good behavior?

In order for rewards to be sincere, relevant and correctly understood by children, you need to use them correctly.

1. Any praise must be fair and consistent with the child's behavior. So, you should not praise, give gifts for the natural behavior at his age: the baby once again put on a blouse, laced up his shoes, etc. And on the contrary, be sure to mark important achievements and significant actions: the child helped his mother carry the bag, drew a beautiful drawing.
2. It is preferable to praise not the baby himself, but his good deed. If the child has put away the toys in the nursery, you shouldn't say: "You are smart with me." Better say, “After cleaning, your room is so clean. It is very pleasant to go into it ”. And do not get off your praise with general phrases like: "Beautiful drawing." Mark the elements of the image that you especially liked: bright flowers, a tree that looks completely alive, funny bunnies.
3. Often, children do not need praise or reward; it is important for them to enjoy the creativity itself or a new achievement. In this case, parents can voice the child's feelings and thereby support the desire for knowledge. “I am very glad that you learned to ride a bicycle. You look happy and pleased with your success! Now we will ride with you in the park. "

Of course, every family has its own rules of encouragement and praise. The main thing is that they help establish good relationships between household members and do not interfere with the upbringing of the baby.

Can a child be rewarded with money?

The method of monetary reward has both supporters and ardent opponents. Followers of this method note that weekly payments for good grades or small amounts for washed dishes discipline children. Opponents believe that a child who receives money for household chores is guided only by external results.

Many psychologists also have a negative view of monetary rewards. Experts are sure that children should do their homework disinterestedly. If you want your child to learn how to manage money, wait until he grows up. The younger student can already be given pocket money for petty expenses.

Experienced parents offer alternative ways to reward good behavior. If you don't like the idea of ​​cash reward, find an alternative to money.

For example, multi-colored beads, bright buttons will be an excellent substitute for coins. Develop a payment system with your child, according to which washing dishes will correspond, for example, to two buttons.

In this case, children should be able to “earn” something meaningful in a week so that they have the motivation to move on. An incentive can be a joint trip to the cinema, circus, a visit to the children's entertainment center.

Whether to use the method of monetary reward is up to the parents to decide.

Do not forget that when choosing a method of encouragement, you should take into account the personal qualities of your child. Even when choosing the best method, use it very carefully, as overuse of praise and rewards can easily turn into parenting.

Other information on the topic

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Veronica Solovykh

Judge whether I am right or not.
My parents and grandmother live 30 km from us. The car is there. They come to our city every weekend. Either to the theater, then to visit relatives, then to some exhibition, or just a walk, a cafe, a shopping center there ... that is, as if the distance is not a problem at all. They used to visit us periodically. Well, once every 2-3 weeks somewhere. They cuddle their granddaughter for 2 minutes, drink coffee and hang out further. Leaving me dirty cups. Okay, I'm not offended. All the same, they help - sometimes they bring diapers, sliders. OK.
Those. basically my husband and I alone are engaged in the child. More precisely, the husband is at work all day, he is with the child in the evening. And I am in the afternoon. The child practically does not sleep during the day. Well, you can't put it down in any way. Sleep regression, teeth are still showing ... That is, sometimes I cannot calmly eat, wash, tidy up the house, and, excuse me, go to the toilet, because as soon as I disappear from the field of view, it’s right away ...
OK. The last time my parents and grandmother came was on March 8th. As it turned out, the mother had a fever, but the grandmother (old people are like children) was capricious "why won't we go" and they arrived. And the child got infected and got sick. Then I came from her. Then the husband.
I calmly, but still told my mother that, they say, if you are sick, you don't need to come. The child was 4 months old then. Nothing can really be cured. River snot, temperature. Well why the heck is it ??? Why it was impossible to move the visit for a week. What kind of tears from a grandmother from scratch ?! What kind of whims? Like a child ...
OK. They haven't come since then. Apparently offended, although I asked, they say no.

So that's it. As I said, the child is awake. She already weighs 8 kg. It's hard to carry. Plus, after pregnancy, I have a hernia. I'm getting tired. I would like to sit just in silence to drink hot tea. I think many will understand me. Granny calls sometimes. Physically, I cannot always answer. I feed and the child is just beginning to close his eyes ... Of course, I hope that he falls asleep and does not pick up the phone. Then we swim. Something else. Yes, even just I can, excuse me, sit on the toilet. Or wash the bottom of a child. But you never know what ... no. She starts ringing non-stop until I pick up the phone. And taking it, she begins to scold me like a schoolgirl with me "WHY ARE YOU NOT TAKING THE PIPE! I CALLED!"
The desire to talk disappears, of course. Parents stopped calling right now. Although in the photo in social networks I see that they regularly visit our city. I can only walk to the nearest store, that's all my entertainment))). The mood spoils, of course. But I am not complaining to anyone, I am not expressing dissatisfaction. I go about my duties and do not impose my child on anyone. Only me and my husband are engaged in it.
So my mother calls, I starts with complaints, "what is going on at all ??? What's with your mood ??? you don't call! You don't write! I'm calling you!" When should I call? Sleep regression, teeth are outlined .. children do not sleep at all. I am not rude, I speak dryly and only to the point ... Lack of sleep and fatigue take their toll.
I asked, "Do I have the right to be tired? Do I have the right to be in a bad mood?" The answer is yes. Mother cut off the conversation and hung up. Now she is offended, and I feel guilty.
I repeat that I have never made any claims to them. This is my child, I gave birth to him for myself, and I am engaged in it myself together with my husband. But parents can help, they can find one hour a month to come, take a stroller and walk for an hour with their child in the park. While I’m at home, we’ll eat quietly, or wash the floor and wash myself, but maybe I’ll just take a nap. And if you don't, since you don't come, you don't want to or you can't, then what grudges towards me why don't I call and why don't I write ...? Whenaaa ?? And no interrogations why she didn’t pick up the phone !. I couldn't, then.
I have something to do. I think so.
By the way, I grew up with my grandparents. My parents took me for the weekend only. Like they had to work, but there was no time to follow me and my studies. In short, it turns out their parents were engaged with their child.
In general, judge ... Maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe someone had it. I have to rush to the phone and report like a first-grader, why didn't I pick up the phone or why don't I call ?? Have to make excuses for your bad mood and fatigue ??

Sorry for the whole sheet .. It just boiled

The world is beautiful

Yesterday I walk along a narrow sidewalk, a girl is walking towards me, with a dog, and the dog is jumping on all the passers-by. I'm honestly afraid of dogs, I walk with a huge belly, and here a big dog jumps on me. Girl with headphones. Didn't even hear my request to keep the dog away. Of course, I have nothing against animals, yes they are cute (only from afar I can observe), but only it seems to me that it is wrong to keep animals on a long leash while walking, and not paying attention that they are jumping on passers-by? Does that annoy you too?

Ekaterina

The situation is this, my daughter recently turned 15 years old, she is an excellent student, usually she shares everything with me, and I just recently learned that she already has some kind of relationship.
In general, since she is in grade 8, a parent meeting was held for further certification, etc., not the point. Of course, in addition to this, the conversation was about children. The class teacher gave out information that there are already those in her daughter's class who are dating boys - girls. Among them, she named my daughter, but she meets with a boy not from her class, and not even from a parallel, but from 9. I became interested, and after the meeting I decided to approach the leader and ask about this boy.
It turned out that he also studied with her, did not study very much for the time being - until a time, later, when my daughter and her boyfriend had already started dating, he began to improve in 2 classroom subjects (Russian and literature), maybe in some other, this even the teacher did not know, but she found out that he had smoked before, and also quit when they started dating.
What is the question of how to talk to your daughter about a guy about this, especially who had bad habits? I'm worried that maybe, God forbid, get into the wrong company. And is it worth starting such a conversation at all?