Virtual man. Why men love virtual sex
Where did this cowardly saying come from - “the less you know, the better you sleep”? Maybe all our women suffer from insomnia? And that is why they are not interested in why husbands stay up late at the computer, and, passing by, do not notice (or pretend) how fast the windows of Odnoklassniki and dating sites are shutting down? As a result, while their other halves are fast asleep, abandoned men, left alone, pour themselves some tea and pour out their souls to virtual young strangers. At the same time, not everyone strives to translate relationships into reality - you can show off and smooth your self-esteem without leaving your home.
Social networks like Facebook incite people to cheat, writes The Telegraph. Their suspicious spouses also come online in search of evidence - most often it is frank flirting and very frank conversations about sex.
What is the reason?
It is not possible to determine the only true reason why men furtively seek companionship. Psychotherapist Maxim Zagoruiko immediately named at least thirteen reasons - sexual dissatisfaction before the birth of a child (when a man feels unnecessary). Career takeoff of his wife (she begins to devalue her husband, and he is looking for a woman who will appreciate and respect him). Midlife crisis ("Is that all !? Am I spending the rest of my life with this woman alone?"). The reason may be in the decrease in the attractiveness of the wife, and in the search for love and thrills.
“Some of the needs of this man in his family remain unmet,” explains psychologist Zhanna Gurieva. - And unconsciously he seeks their satisfaction on the side. In a healthy family relationship, there is no need to meet these needs on the side. Therefore, if a man regularly searches for communication with the opposite sex on the Internet, this is a reason to think, because through this communication at the moment a man begins to fill some kind of void (either within himself or within family relationships). "
Treason or not?
The conversation about what is considered cheating and what is entertainment from nothing to do is as old as the world and is more suitable for forums. Everyone will have their own opinion and a life story that confirms it. Mikhail Zhvanetsky once noticed that treason is not when she went to bed with someone, but when the two of them are discussing you. Such a relationship is offensive by the degree of intimacy - no one crumples your sheets, but at the same time accepts compliments and listens to stories intended for you. “Men are usually very sensitive to their partner’s sexual infidelity,” says Maksim Zagoruiko.
“For a woman, emotional infidelity is much more difficult: when a partner takes care of another, is emotionally attached to her, seeks to communicate with her.”
“If one of the partners discusses his family or intimate life on the side, it means that for some reason this person cannot discuss it with his half. In healthy family relationships, the spouses discuss all problems together and are looking for ways to constructively resolve the existing contradictions, ”recalls Zhanna Gurieva.
Perhaps somewhere there are such happy families, where the husband complains about the lack of attention, and the wife does not shout in response, but nods understandingly and draws conclusions. But not everyone is ready to go to a psychologist, and therefore they often complain to their friends - she is his, and he is his.
Go out to people
According to Maksim Zagoruiko, inquisitive men who seek new impressions, who consider cheating permissible for themselves, are usually looking for communication with other women. But craving for the new does not mean that the relationship will pass from the network into real life: “If these qualities are combined with anxiety, caution, communication will be more likely to be virtual,” the psychotherapist believes. The greater the dissatisfaction with the marriage and the weaker the “brakes” that can make you think again: anxiety, responsibility, respect for your wife, passivity and inability to communicate, the higher the probability of transition of virtual communication into real one.
“Communication on the Internet may not come true if a person (most often without realizing it) has satisfied some need and he no longer needs this contact,” adds Zhanna Gurieva. For example, a man can "drain" aggression on his harsh spouse, because in real life he is afraid to talk about his feelings directly. And all would be fine, but the effect of this drug is short-lived - as soon as there is a need to work something out in yourself, you will need a new portion of healing communication.
Big child
If a man is fond of intimate conversations with beautiful strangers or is a frequent visitor to dating sites, the first thing psychologists recommend is to frankly admit this fact and think well. Crying quietly in the corner and cursing him for his ruined youth is as pointless as blaming yourself for not losing weight or spending too much time on your career. “You shouldn't think that the problem is only in you or only in your husband - the problem lies in your relationship, - Maxim Zagoruiko calls for an open discussion of the current situation. - It is important to understand how you feel about this. If this is nonsense for you - let everything remain as it is. If it's not nonsense, you should understand what you want, persistently call your partner to talk and promote your interests. "
“If a man registers and flirts on dating sites - even if it does not go beyond flirting - then the relationship with such a man is obviously immature,” Zhanna Gurieva is sure. It is not possible to predict how an immature person will behave tomorrow, because immature adults, like children, are poorly aware of themselves and their needs. It is, of course, possible to build relationships with the “big child” - by punishing, indulging and trying to predict his behavior. But they are unlikely to be like a partnership between a man and a woman.
Online dating is one of the hallmarks of our time. How to find a suitable man in the virtual space and recognize who he really is?
As practice shows, men who constantly meet on the Internet can be divided into several categories according to their goals and motives.
1. "Philosopher"
These are men aged 30–35 years old, married, with, as a rule, one child. Their marriage bored them, the relationship with his wife ranges from cool to strained. But they do not intend to divorce - some because of the child, some for material or moral reasons. "Philosophers" are looking for an outlet - a girl or a young woman to completely bother her head. It was not without reason that I called them “philosophers”: as a rule, they are really smart, educated and interesting enough to attract a free young woman. Relationships with them are an explosive mixture of romance, passions, complaints about life and wife, boasting of the child's success and teachings - since their life experience is richer due to the greater number of years they have lived than virtual girls. The "philosopher" will persuade his virtual girlfriend to have a love relationship in reality, if he likes her outwardly. Or she won't, if she's not that attractive. Usually "Philosophers" are jealous and authoritarian, so it takes a lot of stress for them to have a mistress. Much more than for adultery, they need a girlfriend on the Internet as "chewing gum for the soul." When he gets bored, he spits it out and finds himself a new one, with a different taste. Therefore, when recognizing the "Philosopher" I advise you to run away from him. Try not to get emotionally involved in a virtual relationship and not date him. These people, being unhappy themselves, spread unhappy vibes around them to everyone around them.
2. "Prince"
This is a man of about the same age, but either childless, or, regardless of the presence of children, who has successfully ruined his family. It happens that the "Prince" appears on the network and gradually becomes its regular, while still being married. Not wanting to solve family problems, he runs away from them into a beautiful virtual world. Nobody "saws" him there. The atmosphere of a masquerade reigns there, a change of faces, masks, "nicknames". He can prove to the whole world his uniqueness and remarkableness, since the need for recognition from him, and so very high, is now increasing. His wife did not appreciate him, so beautiful - well, he will receive admiration from dozens of other ladies. Since the dream of a prince lives in the subconscious of every woman who grew up on fairy tales, our hero will soon form a "fan club", from which he chooses girls for meetings. Behaves, by the way, fabulously generous. And, in general, he is honest: he will never say that you are his only woman, and will try not to flirt in the chat in front of one of his friends in the presence of another. These stories, as a rule, end well: the "Prince" finally chooses a girl from the "fan club", and his personal life subsequently overshadows the virtual world for him. So the chance to become his princess is small, but there is if you are the best. Or faster. But, having got the "Prince", you should carefully monitor that his love wounds, received in the difficult business of coexistence of two people, he does not run to heal on the net - there are some comforters, and his role has already been successfully developed.
3. "Dwarf"
These "guys" spend the lion's share of their time online solely for the sake of communication. Often they have a very good language, imaginative thinking, a subtle sense of humor. Moreover, they are adorable in correspondence and consummate masters of virtual novels. And how they play on the nerves! Some insults, requests of a personal nature, jealousy - all this binds emotionally, forcing the virtual girlfriend to worry about his feelings offline. Falling into the sweet trap of emotional dependence, very similar to falling in love, a girl risks her peace of mind. Because afterwards two things come to light: firstly, in real life he has a girlfriend. Favorite, moreover. Then why did he play these games with love? And for the sake of self-affirmation. Here's a compote. Secondly, it turns out that not everything is in order with our wonderful interlocutor. Either he is obese, or his face is covered with acne, or his height is barely one and a half meters. And if he is outwardly attractive, then things are not much better - it means that he has serious psychological problems. What unites all these "handsome men" is that they are complex about something in their appearance or life. Some girl fell in love with him, no matter what. And he protects her, because he is not sure that he will love another. However, he is completely unable to communicate with girls in places suitable for dating. He is afraid of condemnation, rejection. And in the virtual world, he achieves two goals - falling in love with himself for the sake of raising self-esteem, and at the same time revenge on all women who deny him love in real life. In reality, the novel usually ends in one of two ways. Or the "Dwarf", having made sure that the Internet friend is attached to him and in love, online tells her that their relationship does not mean anything, because he has a loved one, and then enjoys the effect of the wound. Or, which happens much less often, he nevertheless decides to take advantage of attachment to him and transfer the relationship to the real world. And there already behave like an ordinary man who has a wife and a mistress. But in this "Dwarfs" are defeated: a virtual friend, having come on a first date, sees what monster she has been talking to all this time, and is instantly cured of her love. The "dwarf" returns to the network offended and then behaves according to the first scenario of the end of the novel. Bottom line: do not believe in the mad love of a person who has never seen you. Be wary of those you have never seen.
4. "System administrator"
"Sysadmins" have one thing in common: they spend a lot of time at work, sitting at a computer connected to the network. They don't get to know each other out of harm - they just need to take time. And among them there are very sociable people who work half the day and sleep half. The only thing that darkens the bright image of the sociable "Sysadmin" with the best intentions is his wife. Civil or legal, it doesn't matter. It's just that "Sysadmin" is most often married. And also not out of harm, but for practical reasons - he just is not able to cook himself dumplings and wash his shirt after a shift at work. "Sysadmins", as a rule, are unpretentious creatures, so feeding and household services from a wife or girlfriend can keep them in a marital state. The "sysadmin" is lazy. If you are aiming for a mistress, you should take a course to prove your uniqueness. Methodically and purposefully convincing the "Sysadmin" that you are perfection itself and just a holiday in comparison with the one who darns his socks. You will plant doubts in his domesticated soul and, most likely, achieve intimacy with him. In my free time from work and my wife, which, I can assure you, is very little. If you are going to become the wife of a "Sysadmin", you will have to choose a completely different role - you will need to come to his work, bring him hot meals, take care of his comfort. It will not be superfluous to bring the "Sysadmin" to your home and show what order and comfort reigns there.
Probably, this is the most pleasant category of men looking for acquaintance: the "March cat" is honest in his intentions. He needs a woman by all means, and he looks for her wherever he is. It is worth agreeing to a meeting with the "March cat" if your interests in general coincide, the information received about him suits you, and you will not regret the time spent on the meeting. By the way, if you were not impressed by the communication on ICQ: the man did not tell you anything particularly interesting, did not captivate you with a conversation about something high, or writes with errors, this is not a reason to refuse the meeting. Sometimes people do not have enough writing and typing skills to write beautifully. But they talk willingly and listen attentively. Although sometimes the opposite is true. You should not trust photographs: as practice shows, photography never creates the correct impression about the appearance of a virtual acquaintance. However, it is advisable to still get a photo before your date, to be sure that you do not faint from the appearance of your boyfriend. The greatest chances of finding a loved one are precisely among the "Cats". He needs a woman, you need a man. And if with such a coincidence of intentions you like each other and get along, then advice and love.
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I see the goal
People who approve of IT adultery emphasize the word "virtual", and emphasize this, calling the whole process the word "virtual". It turns out, and not treason at all, but kind of like a computer game: he conquered the galaxy, killed thirty thousand monsters, but not a single animal was hurt.
Opponents focus on the word "betrayal", no matter whether through the Network or in real life, all the same "You were not with me"!
Wirth is, of course, the achievement of progress. And it can be classified according to the level of resources used: e-mail, ICQ, Skype, social networks ... : "What a lovely long staff you have, my sweet magician." Sometimes text Wirth is accompanied by the transfer of a photo, and sometimes it turns into an even more visual form, up to direct online videoconferences with online stripping, stroking, and so on. By the way, here you have to be as careful as possible - the video is often recorded, and it is possible that it is laid out somewhere.
Ask your boyfriend (and at the same time two or three) if they consider virtual betrayal to be treason. All in unison will say: "No, this is not treason!" And they speak completely sincerely. It's just that the main word here is "more". Virtual betrayal for a man is just preparation for a real one! Take-off in front of a full-fledged adultery in all its physiological glory.
Renting a room in a hotel, buying elite alcohol and an armful of flowers is not treason either. Treason, if you're lucky, will come later ...
Yes, I understand that I'm laying mine now ... But someone must someday tell the truth! Think for yourself, men never do anything without a specific and important goal for themselves.
Justifying the funds
This for you Wirth can be an end in itself. Therefore, I am ready to admit that he is not as criminal on your part as on mine. Why are girls getting into all this online whispering? You can honestly answer: because the office is boring; because it is interesting to talk to someone unfamiliar; because you want to feel interesting and attractive and you will name 80 more reasons ... In any case, starting a frivolous correspondence with some "incognito", you least of all think about how to really change in three days.
And why do boys enter into virtual relationships, looking for beautiful and effective interlocutors? No one to chat with? In general, can you imagine a man who will say: "I love to mess with girls so much, I don't need anything else, if only they were hanging on my ears"? For most of us, typing on a keyboard is hard work. And if we tackle it, the reason must be weighty.
This girl can just come to the store to read the price tags - she is interested. And it is not a fact that he will buy something. This is not why a man comes to the store. He will not re-read "sausage, sausage, sausage" twenty times, but simply buy and eat. Clear? There are no male lovers of virtual romance.
When a man writes, "What an interesting interlocutor you are!" And one more indicative fact: no matter how spiritualized the virtual communication is, there comes a moment when he writes: "And came a photo ..."
What follows from this? Wirth itself is not treason. This is just an invitation to infidelity, stretched out in time and passed through computer, telephone and social networks. In any case, for a man.
I take it to heart
In general, if someone, and it does not matter - a man or a woman, begins to secretly correspond with someone, this is a sign of trouble. Sooner or later, online friends will try to meet. And attempts will continue until a suitable option is found or a belief that is fatal for any relationship is formed: "All women (men) are the same."
The situation is much more complicated when no one kisses anyone, does not get goose bumps and does not undress in front of the webcam. In medical terms, the symptoms are blurred. It would seem that there are all the signs of virtual betrayal: an unknown opposite-sex friend, regular epistolary contacts with him, the use of modern computer technologies. On the other hand, the style of communication is not fancy-erotic. Something like "I ate a bun for breakfast, the bosses are harmful and stupid, the weather looks like the bosses, plans are to buy a bedside table and slippers, the mood is difficult, and now I like purple the color." Formally, there is nothing to complain about, just chatter. Reminiscent of the conversation of spouses at dinner about everything and about nothing. Here's the catch: what prevents him (her) from talking to me about this? And then an insult comes next: it means that he (she) has no time to listen to me, and it’s not clear with whom there is always time to talk about garbage for two hours? This may turn out to be even more offensive than an open Wirth.
Many girls view their men’s virtual adventures as a necessary evil, like watching pornography. And to be jealous of such nonsense is not to respect yourself. But if instead of "You are so beautiful," heart-to-heart conversations and discussion of films, books, relatives and bosses begin, then it is here, oddly enough, that you can expect big trouble. If you scroll through such a correspondence, then somewhere in the middle phrases like "No one understands me as well as you do", "I can only communicate with you so freely and interestingly", "I think I have known you for a thousand years." and, finally, something that can infuriate the most loyal person to Internet weaknesses: "I'm more interested in being with you than with ...". Then the unfortunate virtual cuckold or the cheated wife is surprised to discover her name.
The devastating consequences from such a sweet and innocent communication can be worse than from the darkness of virtual naughty ones with a set of phrases at the level of "Liu cha, zai".
I'm trying to advise
How to behave if your priceless one is caught in virtual treason? You can kill immediately. Or you can pretend that you have not noticed anything, and anonymously register with him as a "friend" - most likely, he will not refuse. Men's vanity is flattered when new ladies are added to it, no matter for what purpose. Knowing its characteristics, preferences and tastes, you can achieve outstanding results. And your dreary real existence will turn into a whirlwind virtual romance, and you will remember all the time that you are collecting dirt. When gigabytes of dirt accumulate, you will develop depression. You go to catch him red-handed, he will be offended that you "followed and did not trust" ... In short, it was better to kill him right away.
There is a less sophisticated, but more effective way to discourage the desire to look under other people's virtual skirts: organize such a life for him in real life so that there is no time for Wirth! A year of joint travel to exotic countries. Dinner conversations about football and fantasy - but you never know. If the basis of the relationship was something more serious than "just to be with someone", all trips to the left on the Internet will be removed as if by hand. And if not ... Better sooner than later with undermined nerves.
BACKGROUND
People began to exchange messages of an erotic nature at about the same time when letters were invented. True, with the assistance of a postman with a thick bag on his belt, the process dragged on for weeks, months and years. Balzac corresponded with Evelina Ganskaya for 20 years ...
Serving food via the Internet is one of the hallmarks of our time. How to find a suitable man in the virtual space and recognize who he really is?
As practice shows, men who constantly meet on the Internet can be divided into several categories according to their goals and motives. We asked Eva Romanovna Morozovskaya, a psychologist, NLP-master of the Arnimed medical center in Odessa, who of them would be most appropriate to make acquaintances with?
"Philosopher"
A man aged 30–35 years old, married, usually having one child. Marriage bored him. But they do not intend to divorce because of the child, or for material or moral reasons. Usually "Philosophers" are jealous and authoritarian, so it takes a lot of stress for them to have a mistress. Relationships with them are an explosive mixture of romance, passions, complaints about life and wife, boasting about the child's success and teachings. Much more than for adultery, they need a girlfriend on the Internet as "chewing gum for the soul." When he gets bored, he spits it out and finds himself a new one, with a different taste.
Therefore, when recognizing the "Philosopher" run away from him. Try not to get emotionally involved in a virtual relationship and not date him. These people, being unhappy themselves, spread unhappy vibes around them to everyone around them.
"Prince"
A man aged 30-35, but either childless, or, regardless of the presence of children, who successfully ruined his family. Not wanting to solve family problems, he runs away from them into a beautiful virtual world. Nobody "saws" him there. He can prove to the whole world his uniqueness, since the need for recognition from him, and so very high, is now increasing. His wife did not appreciate him, so beautiful - well, he will receive admiration from dozens of other ladies. Since the dream of a prince lives in the subconscious of every woman who grew up on fairy tales, our hero will soon form a "fan club", from which he chooses girls for meetings. Behaves, by the way, fabulously generous. And, in general, he is honest: he will never say that you are his only woman. These stories, as a rule, end well: the "Prince" finally chooses a girl from the "fan club", and his personal life subsequently overshadows the virtual world for him. So the chance to become his princess is small, but there is if you are the best. Or faster. But, having got the "Prince", you should be careful to ensure that he does not run to heal his love wounds on the net - there will be some comforters, and his role has already been successfully developed.
"Dwarf"
The Dwarfs are unsurpassed masters of virtual novels. Falling into the sweet trap of emotional dependence, very similar to falling in love, a girl risks her peace of mind. Because afterwards two things come to light: firstly, in real life he has a girlfriend. Secondly, it turns out that not everything is in order with this interlocutor. Either he is obese, or his face is covered with acne, or his height is barely one and a half meters. And if he is outwardly attractive, then he probably has serious psychological problems.
Do not believe in the mad love for you of a person who has never seen you. Be wary of those you have never seen.
What unites all these "handsome men" is that they are complex about something in their appearance or life. In the virtual world, the "dwarf" achieves two goals - falling in love with himself for the sake of raising self-esteem, and at the same time revenge on all women who deny him love in real life. In reality, the novel usually ends in one of two ways. Or the "Dwarf", having made sure of her feelings, online informs her that their relationship does not mean anything, because he has a beloved, and then enjoys the effect of the wound. Or, which happens much less often, he decides to transfer the relationship to the real world. But in this "Dwarfs" are defeated: a virtual friend, having come on a first date, sees what monster she has been talking to all this time, and is instantly cured of her love. The "dwarf" returns to the network offended and then behaves according to the first scenario of the end of the novel.
"Sysadmins" have one thing in common: they spend a lot of time at work, sitting at a computer connected to the network. They don't get to know each other out of harm - they just need to take time. The only thing that darkens the bright image of a sociable « Sysadmin » -? this is his wife. He is also married not out of harm, but for practical reasons - he himself is not able to cook himself dumplings and wash his shirt. « Sysadmins » , as a rule, the creatures are unpretentious, so that the feeding and household services from the side of the wife or girlfriend are able to keep them in a marital state. « Sysadmin » lazy. If you are aiming for a mistress, you should take a course to prove your uniqueness. Methodically and purposefully convincing « Sysadmin » in the fact that you are perfection itself and just a holiday compared to the one who darns his socks. You will plant doubts in his domesticated soul and, most likely, achieve intimacy with him. In my free time from work and my wife, which is very little. If you are going to become a wife « Sysadmin » , you will have to choose a completely different role - you will need to come to his work, bring him hot meals, take care of his comfort.
A virtual romance doesn't mean a lot to everyone. At first, it is often perceived as a fun game, a cure for boredom, a pleasant pastime. The person is very critical of what is happening and does not betray the correspondence of great importance. However, you need to be prepared that due to the "peculiarities of the genre", everyone, even the most sober person, has a serious threat to play and fall in love for real and become dependent on correspondence relationships.
Why is this happening?
The main danger of virtual relationships is not even that the person at the other end turns out to be not who he claims to be, but that you yourself begin to idealize the person, to think out his image. Due to the fact that you see only what they write to you, you have a huge space for imagination. In addition, unlike real communication, you are deprived of the opportunity to use such important analyzers as olfactory and tactile-kinesthetic. You don’t feel the smell coming from a person, you don’t see the dynamics of his movements, you cannot touch. You do not hear how he communicates with other people, you do not see his facial expressions in response to various situations. Meanwhile, these analyzers are, although not always conscious, but very important when we evaluate a person in real communication.
You represent a person in your own way, not at all the way it can actually be. The desire to meet the ideal partner draws beautiful images, this leads many (primarily romantic girls) away from the sober analysis of the person sitting on the other side of the screen. In addition, you do not see his negative qualities, if only because he does not demonstrate them to you. However, like you to him. This is generally a feature of correspondence as a genre. But you get magic words addressed to you personally: compliments are pouring in as if from a cornucopia. It is much easier to write the phrase: “I have never met a girl like you,” than to say it in a real situation. Therefore, the virtual partner finds himself in a more advantageous situation than a real person. Moreover, a virtual partner has time to think, to compose a beautiful phrase, to find words ... Thus, he can turn out to be a hundred times better than any real person whom we see in the whole complex of his life, and not only in what he has decided for us demonstrate. Idealization makes you break away from reality, believe in a dream. A full contact cannot be as perfect as a virtual one. Therefore, virtually falling in love is much easier.
During correspondence, people fall into addiction to emotions which they get by reading the words of another. Moreover, most of the emotions are invented by them and are attached to a specific person. There is a feeling that no one else is capable of causing the same in you. Therefore, feelings arise not only quite real, but often even stronger than those that you experienced for someone before, for someone who could be touched in real life.
People who have experienced this intoxicating sense of closeness and trust in virtual communication argue that it is simply impossible to experience this in real communication. For many, it’s all early on, how a person actually looks, what he does, the main thing is that “he is able to speak and understand that way”. It is because of this that many tend to identify what they feel, like true love.
I know a couple who met on the Internet in one of the forums. Soon they met in real life, liked each other (already with the olfactory and tactile analyzers working!) And soon got married. But here's the paradox - they still felt the need to write letters to each other, which they often did, sitting in different rooms of the same apartment. In letters it turned out easier to say about the innermost, tender words were given more easily.
But, as Olga describes the intensity of feelings, 26 years old. “We understood each other perfectly, it seemed as if we had known each other for 100 years. We talked with him about everything and our thoughts, tastes, outlook on life just amazingly coincided. He put all my fears on the shelves and guessed all my dreams. When I realized that my roof was slowly but surely leaving its rightful place, I suddenly learned that he was 16 years old. I couldn't believe that a 16-year-old guy could write SUCH letters ... poetry, music ... I decided to cut off the correspondence, but I couldn't ... It was a drug. We wrote to each other 2 times a day, called back, exchanged pictures. I could not deprive myself of this happiness. I listened to the words that I always wanted to hear, such beautiful and talented poems were dedicated to me. And plus to this - they also reacted to my every thought objectively and with sincere interest. If suddenly the letter did not come, I just started to choke. Tell someone at work what I have with a 16-year-old boy ... "
Masha met Patrick on a language exchange website. She indicated in the questionnaire that she wants to learn French from scratch and is ready to help in mastering Russian. He wrote to her in English. She answered. He wrote again. It never came to studying French and Russian, as a lively correspondence began in English, which they both knew. From the very first letters she was fascinated by his personality, rejoiced at every letter like a child and checked her mail even at night. He cheerfully expounded his opinion on serious philosophical problems, joked all the time and greatly entertained her with his letters. They loved the same books, they liked the same films, he sent her amazing compositions, they discussed everything in their letters and never ceased to be amazed at the incredible coincidences in everything. They found so much in common in each other that it seemed her twin brother was sitting on the other side of the screen. Sometimes they wrote to each other 30 letters a day. She fell in love so much that sometimes she forgot that it was time to pick up her daughter from kindergarten, cook dinner for her husband, or check her son’s diary. Correspondence with him became the most important and priority matter for her. She was aware that her dependence on this correspondence was akin to a drug one, but she could not help herself. She tried to get rid of her ... But if she did not write for more than a day, he inundated her with letters full of sincere alarm, and for some reason she did not want to play cat and mouse with this man. They talked about everything in the world, and it seemed that there was no person who understood her better than he. But the thought that she wanted to touch the real Masha went crazy. Just touch, nothing else is needed.
The family status of both did not allow for a long time to talk about the surging feelings, but after about five months, Patrick could not stand it and began to write "I love you." And a year after they met, he came to Moscow. Deciding on a real acquaintance was not easy and very scary. Masha really did not want to be disappointed in the fairy tale that her fantasy drew. But the virtual relationship reached such an intensity that the meeting was supposed to be a salvation from the feeling that "we will go crazy" if we do not meet in real life and do not understand: we have invented it all for ourselves or are we actually two halves who miraculously found each other in a huge world?
At a distance, feelings begin to go off scale due to the inability to get a natural contact for a person - bodily. The thought of a real meeting is maddening. Frustration due to the inability to feel real intimacy with a person with whom virtual intimacy has arisen, feeds feelings and kindles passion. One of the partners takes a ticket and goes to the place where virtual love lives ... True, he does not always find what he expected to see ... but we are not talking about that now.
A real meeting is actually needed when it comes to the emergence of a feeling... The sooner a real meeting takes place, the less misleading impressions you will have about each other. Only she will become the measure of where the fantasy was, and where was the truth, whether it was fate or a mockery of fate. And here you need to be prepared for any development of events. There is still no recipe or reliable statistics on this score. But there is the main a sign of a healthy relationship between partners for virtual love, it is a mutual willingness to transfer relationships into real life. Even if you are separated by distance and boundaries, the first meeting is simply necessary, and only after it can virtual and real communication successfully complement each other for some time.
True love, and not its illusion, can arise when partners imagine each other in all reality. If your partner avoids a real meeting in every possible way, then you urgently need to pull yourself out of dependence on love for him.
Psychologist Tatyana Nikitina not only talks about the complexities of relations between men and women, but also helps those who wish to improve themselves.