I regret that I left my husband for her lover. Better to leave your husband for your lover or endure and hope

Lived with her husband in marriage for 2.5 years and six months before marriage. He loved me very much, I think so. It seemed to me that I love. After the marriage, they began to think about children ... My husband really wanted children, I did not mind. But, unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, children were not good for us.

The first year everything was fine. We lived practically in perfect harmony, as it seemed to me ... But later I began to notice a lot of jambs on his part.

Firstly, he brought me to live in an apartment with absolutely no renovation, it was impossible to live there. He said that it was temporary, for 3 months, but it dragged on for 2 years. He did not do any repairs there, he was stupidly lazy. When you start asking him for something, he starts to get nervous ...

Then I began to notice that he was talking to me rudely, disrespectfully ... And he always talked like that (there is a video), I just did not notice it.

After a year and a half, there was a feeling that I was annoying him. He snapped at me in front of friends, poured out the last words, sent obscenities, humiliated, and for no reason, every time friends came. Friends, too, did not understand what was the matter, because everything started out of the blue. I tried to talk to him, he just said: "Sorry, it won't happen again," and according to the new program.

The first major quarrel occurred when he received a rather large amount of money, and on the same day I learned about a large number of debts and loans. It turns out that he lied to me for 2 years that everything was fine. She screamed on the phone. He left home. I returned after 3 days, all the money I received was spent in some unknown place. All these 3 days I could not find a place for myself, did not know what was wrong with him. I called, wrote sms, he was silent, did not answer anything, only wrote an SMS that we were getting divorced. I packed my things, but stayed in the apartment to wait for his return. When I arrived, I was so happy that I forgave him instantly. Well, I forgave ... The insult in me remained inside ... We talked later, and I thought that time would pass and everything would be forgotten.

After a certain amount of time, the second major quarrel. I, his friend and he came to our house after drinking karaoke, sat and talked. Then, as usual, something came over him, he began to pour bottles on me (for no reason, I generally sat in silence). Then he actually took me and hit me against the wall, freaked out, shouted to me to pack my things and leave, and took my friend, left the apartment.

I packed my things and left. Not a word from him for a week. Then he called. And then, because I called his friend and asked to tell him that his grandfather called and asked to call him back urgently ... In general, we decided to put up ... Although I was so angry with him that I didn't really want to. She said that I would not return to that wretched apartment, let the new one go. I lived with my parents for a month, during this time I cheated on him with my acquaintance ...

By the way, at that moment I already knew about his terrible trait. He stole things from his friends, from mine, pulled me into this dirty business, because I had to keep quiet ... I couldn't tell what my husband was doing. If possible, she returned things later ... But all this is so disgusting ... In general, my love for him has already outlived its usefulness ... He trampled everything.

When I returned to him a month later, I was already sure that I would not be with him until the end of my life. I didn't want children from him. There was a lot of debts, lies again, loans are not clear for what ... There was a feeling of disgust. I didn't want to go home, he annoyed me with almost everyone. I often talked to him, said that I could not forget all the same past grievances, although he began to behave much better ... In front of friends, he did not offend, did not steal things. At least in my presence, for sure, and in general, it seemed like he tried. But I have already convinced myself that everything. I thought that he would give me only one reason, I immediately leave. But there were no serious reasons, as luck would have it ...

By the way, he took care of me, always said that he loved me. But at the same time there was so much lies on his part, so much rudeness and disrespect that it crossed out all the good things. And I met another person. And immediately got pregnant ... It is clear that not from my husband ... In general, I did not know what to do. I understood one thing: I cannot live in this lie. I also cannot deceive everyone, betraying the child to her husband as his child. I decided to tell everything. But it didn’t work ... I cried, and he too ... It seemed like he understood that I didn’t love anymore.

And then I decided that I would stop deleting messages from my lover, that if my husband sees everything, then it should be so ... I corresponded insolently ... In general, a week later my husband read all the correspondence, packed his things and left. The lover called to live with him. I moved because I had no intention of having an abortion. It was very difficult for my husband to find out about everything ... I could not believe that I did this to him. But he was not even angry ...

We are getting a divorce ... It seems that we parted in an amicable way ... And the most interesting thing is that I seem to have forgotten all my grievances against him ... As if they do not matter ... I miss, I dream of him every night. By the way, the next day after he found out everything, he started dating a girl ... I’m thinking ... Maybe they have had this for a long time ... She told my mother everything ... Mom says: “Thank God that you left him ... You cannot live with such a person because he will drag you into his swamp. " Although I had already dragged in, since I covered up the theft and just as hypocritically looked people in the eyes and pitied them when they talked about the theft, knowing who did it all ...

The lover with whom I live is fundamentally different from my ex-husband ... He is a homebody, kind of responsible ... But now I feel that something is not right ... Alien completely, although I have known him for only a month. I can't even understand whether I regret that I did this to my husband, or not ... Although, yes, I do. I had to first part, and then meet with the guy ... But would I like to return to him? Probably not either. Sometimes it seems that I still love him very much. I dream every night. Or maybe too little time has passed ... Not even a month yet ... Yes, and hormones still ...

It's a pity that everything turned out this way ... I don't know how to get used to a new young man ... After all, we still have to raise a child together ...

Any love triangle, sooner or later, is necessary in resolution: a woman must make a choice in favor of one of the men. Very often situations arise that a woman has left her husband for her lover or is in a difficult situation, since it is difficult for her to make a choice. How to find a way out of this situation? Which is more correct: to keep the family or go to your lover? How to choose between husband and lover? These are just a few questions that worry women in a love triangle, and we will try to help answer them.

Why is it so difficult to end a love relationship?

A woman wants to leave her husband only in one case: if there is no love for him, but real feelings connect her with her lover. But even in this case, it is very difficult to destroy the well-established world and abandon the person with whom nothing connects her (maybe, except for the children).

No matter how difficult the relationship is, it is difficult to forget and let go of what a woman has created with her husband. Once they started a family - a single whole, which has so many layers that it is painful to be naked. The rupture includes the destruction, first of all, of human relations. And also - these are changes that will affect not only the spouses, but also all other family members.

Choose a husband or a lover?

It also happens that a woman doubts who to choose him. On the one hand: a caring and passionate lover, with whom it is easy and pleasant for her. On the other hand, her husband, with whom she has a lot, stability, which she does not want to give up. Plus, how do you tell the kids that their father won't be with them anymore? Almost every woman finds it difficult to make such a choice. Very often, despite the fact that there is no love and understanding in the family, a woman-lover chooses financial stability, a well-established life and comfort. Of course, she does not think about feelings at this moment. It is over, the destruction of the family, divorce is always sad and even tragic. Nobody says that you need to leave your husband at breakneck speed, run to your lover and destroy your family. But sacrificing oneself for the sake of public opinion, for the sake of other people's feelings, is also not worth it. If you are faced with such a choice, answer yourself the following questions:

1. Do you feel uncomfortable that you live under the same roof with your husband? Imagine your lover in the place of your husband. Will he cope with the tasks that the spouse performs? Will he be able to share everyday problems and financial difficulties? Although they say that money is not happiness, it is also an important component of the successful prosperity of a family.
2. Is there an emotional closeness between you and your husband? This is not about love confessions and compliments. Emotional closeness is manifested in common experiences, joy for family success, good luck for children. This intimacy also manifests itself in difficult moments in your family. Shared interests and actions create the mental and emotional bonds that keep the relationship healthy.
3. Do you truly love your partner? Having fallen in love, a person tends to idealize his partner. Unfortunately, over time, the veil from loving eyes falls off, and we see in the life partner not only advantages, but also disadvantages. In a normal healthy relationship, these flaws are accepted. In case of problems, these shortcomings make you lose interest and respect for your partner.
4. Do you and your husband have physical contacts? When you love someone, it’s natural to want to touch them. If you feel uncomfortable touching your husband, hugging and kissing, let alone having sex, this should be a wake-up call.
5. Do you have sex? How often? Naturally, the frequency and quality of sexual intercourse decreases over the years. This does not mean anything other than growing up the relationship. But if you deliberately avoid having sex with your husband, there is a reason for that.
6. Do you respect your husband? Respect, as well as a willingness to tackle problems together and in a way that strengthens the relationship, is at the heart of this issue. Perhaps your relationship has long lost its romance and passion, but there is something for which you respect your husband. He is a good father, a reliable head of the family, your support. It is these qualities that need to be appreciated in your husband.

After you've analyzed your own answers to these questions, think along the same lines about your lover.

If a woman went to her lover, how should she behave

Divorce, and even more so because of the betrayal of his wife, will have a lot of unpleasant consequences. Moreover, if your husband claims to be ideal. In this case, undoubtedly expect condemnation and misunderstanding from relatives, girlfriends and colleagues. What is she missing? - they say in such cases. This attitude will affect the emotional state of the woman and her new chosen one and their relationship. To save a new relationship, it is important to take the right attitude:

1. Don't feel guilty. Probably, it will seem to you that you are a bad mother and wife, that you have offended your husband and destroyed your family. But remember that two people are always to blame for a breakdown in a relationship. If everything was so perfect in your relationship with your husband, would you have cheated on him with another person? When starting a lover, a woman in most cases is not looking for sex, but for emotional support and understanding.
2. Just be happy. After all, if you've made this choice, is it worth doubting and blaming yourself? Was this choice made for the sake of happiness?
3. Focus on the kids. Perhaps the most affected in this situation are your children. They lost both their family and their father at the same time. Even if the ex-husband takes a full part in their upbringing, this still will not replace a real family for them. Do not forget about the children in your attempts to arrange your happiness.

Do I need to live with a lover

Even if you left your husband for your lover, this does not mean at all that you will marry the latter. Remember that you left your husband not because of your lover, but because of family problems. The lover was just a catalyst. He just helped you to understand that your family was not ideal, to reveal the problems that you had. Therefore, it is logical if you do not immediately begin to live with your lover, but give yourself a little time. Understand, he attracted you, because he helped to forget existing conflicts, made your life more interesting, filled it with thrills and adrenaline. And this does not mean that there is love between you.

Do you really know your lover? Nobody is perfect, but when we are in a passion, it is difficult for us to find flaws in our partner. You convince yourself that no one has ever made you feel this way before. If you’re still in this infatuation stage, you don’t see the relationship for real. Things can change over time.

How real is this relationship? Cheating is always associated with secrets and deception. These are small periods of time that no one knows about. Nothing from the outside world affects your relationship. It's like a permanent vacation. When your relationship is released, it will become part of the real world, with all its boring and repetitive moments.

Will your lover be able to give you what the previous family lacked? We are talking about both emotional sensations and the material part. You have someone to compare him with, and a man should understand this. If he is in many ways inferior to his ex-husband, over time you will be disappointed in your chosen one, and this will pretty much ruin the relationship.

Can a lover, if not replace the father for the children, but become their reliable friend and helper? The psyche of the children has already suffered during the divorce, and if problems in the relationship with the new stepfather are added to this, then there will be no happiness in the family.

As you can see, the choice between husband and lover can be quite difficult. It is necessary to provide for many points and nuances before taking a new step in life.

My husband and I have been married for eight years, we have three children. My husband does not drink, does not smoke, treats me well, but there is no passion in our couple. In the last year and a half, we have lived with him as friends. When we spend time without children, we just watch movies together or everyone goes about their own business. Recently, I began to notice that it annoys me when he misplaces things or forgets to do something around the house. They talked about this with my husband, for the first couple of days after the conversation he behaves "as it should", and then life again turns into a routine.

About six months ago, I met a man, it turned out that we have many common interests. We went to the movies, went to theaters and just walked. I am interested with him, from him I get other emotions, I see interest in myself. And I caught myself thinking that I had met my love.

This man is divorced and knows that I have a family and that we have a difficult relationship with my husband. He listened to me more than once and said that he was ready to take me and the children with him, but I am afraid to make mistakes and do not know what to do right. I am worried about the children, because it will be stressful for them.

What to do if there is no understanding with your husband. Is it worth leaving your husband for a lover or is it better to keep the family for the sake of the children, but periodically meet with your lover.

Olga Sleep, psychologist:

- A person must make his own choice. Since everyone has their own needs: someone needs passion in a relationship, and he is ready to close his eyes to everything else, while stability is the main thing for someone, and, for example, he can give up his passion.

But you can figure out why a “third” appears in the family:

• The "third" appears when there are unmet needs in a couple. The couple does not discuss this among themselves, does not look for solutions. At this moment, someone appears who satisfies the needs of a person, and then it may seem that this is love. But more often it is compensation for their problems at the expense of another person.
• In a relationship with her husband, a woman feels unwanted, uninteresting to him. Another man solves the woman's problem and makes up for her deficit. A woman may be happy, but in fact she is looking for a resource of sexuality, interestingness, understanding outside the family. And when they don't give her this, she withers.

Surely at the beginning of a relationship with her husband, a woman received all this from her husband. And now, when he stopped giving it to her, she was drawn to another.

You need to be honest with yourself and think about what will happen if this person ceases to admire and be interested, as in the current family. Are you ready to stay with him or will you look for another again. Women jump from relationship to relationship, not realizing that the next partner, sooner or later, will also be fed up with them.

People stay together because they choose each other. Also, if the family has children, then you need to understand that it will be a great stress for them if their mother is unhappy with their father. Therefore, a woman must either deal with her "cockroaches" and improve relations with her husband, or understand that she does not love her husband and go to another.

Maria Weiss, sexologist:

- In a couple, discord begins when there is nothing to talk about, nothing to discuss and you want something new. Then the lover appears. It seems to a woman that he has all the qualities that are lacking in her husband, it seems to her that she can talk with her lover for hours, he appreciates, praises. Often in family life, a woman may be faced with a choice between a passionate and understanding lover and an already hateful and annoying husband. In this situation, the main thing is to take off your "rose-colored glasses" and soberly assess the situation.

The lover is just a new man, attractive, attentive, generous with compliments, but there is no guarantee that he will be ready to raise other people's children. Think about what will happen when the passion fades away.

To make your choice, you need to understand:

• What qualities of a lover and husband attract you.
• Has your husband possessed these qualities before and are these vital things for you, for the sake of which it is worth destroying the family?
• Decide for yourself what you value most in a relationship and who shares your values ​​most, not in words, but in deeds.

You need to understand that over time, passion in any relationship fades away and develops into a calm family life. Crises arise in all respects. Talk to your husband, and if you are dear to him, he will do everything in order to keep the relationship.

Brief meetings and trips to the theater are not family life together. Think about whether it is worth changing friendly and trusting relationships with your husband for dubious pleasures with your lover. Also, do not think only of yourself, as not only your reputation will suffer, but also the psychological state of your children. Clarify your lover's intentions for theirs, how he sees your future together. Perhaps your financial situation after the divorce will also change. Discuss with your lover whether he is ready to financially provide not only you, but also your children.

Do not make hasty decisions, the happiness of not only yours, but also those of your loved ones will depend on your choice. If your family can be saved, don't destroy it.