Ten Ways to Help Children Build Self-Confidence. Exercises for a confident look

16.05.2019

It is the foundation of a child's well-being and the key to success as an adult. At any age, your actions depend on your self-esteem. Parents are the primary source of a child's self-esteem. One of your tasks as educators is to instill in your child a positive inner image and help him grow up so that he can cope with life's obstacles and know how to enjoy life.
Lack of a positive inner image very often leads to behavioral problems. Most of the behavioral problems, as I could understand during the counseling sessions, stems from a lack of rapport between parents and children. Why is it pleasant to be around with one person, while the other seems to weigh you down? How people assess themselves, how they relate to others, how they study in school, what they achieve in work and how they behave in marriage - all this depends on the strength of their inner image.
Healthy self-esteem does not mean being narcissistic or arrogant; this is a person who has a realistic understanding of his own strengths and weaknesses, enjoying his opportunities and not giving in to problems. It is necessary to instill in a child self-confidence, because there is a close connection between how a person realizes himself and how others perceive him.

Throughout their lives, children are exposed to positive influences (creators) and negative influences (destroyers). Parents can teach their children to listen to creators and help them work among destroyers.

Let's move Humpty Dumpty together.
You spend your early years building your child's confidence. You spend the years to come defending it. Many vulnerable children need protection in difficult situations. I investigated five-year-old Thomas if he could go to school. Thomas was a sensitive child whose mother spent years helping him develop a strong sense of self-esteem. We got into a philosophical conversation about the long-term benefits of attachment parenting, and Thomas was obviously tired of it. He began to hang on my scales - expensive scales that sat on top of the exam chart. My first thought was the safety of my table. I thought I was risking more than Thomas, so I said pretty firmly, "Thomas, would you be so kind as to stop hanging on the scales?" Thomas was dumbfounded by surprise, but his mother added an offsetting remark: "... because you are very strong." She knew how to see the world through the eyes of a child.

1. Practice of the method of "attached" education
Imagine a child who spends many hours a day in his mother's arms; whom she breastfeeds at the first signal and responds sympathetically to his cry. How do you imagine the feelings of such a child?
Undoubtedly, this child feels loved and appreciated. The infant raised in this highly sensitive manner develops the capacity for self-esteem. He loves what he feels.

Responsiveness is the key to building a child's self-esteem. The baby gives a signal, such as crying, to be fed or reassured. The mother responds quickly and consistently. Since the signal-response sequence is repeated thousands of times during the first year of life, the child understands that his signals matter - "Someone is listening to me - then I deserve attention."
Of course, you may not always answer quickly or consistently; some day you will not have enough patience or you will get overwhelmed by fatigue. However, infants choose the prevailing parenting style and shape their experiences. As your child grows, this style becomes important for his or her development. So that the child can learn, cope with setbacks, this type of communication will teach him to adapt to changes.
A child who is in close contact with parents is brought up to be sensitive, in control of the environment and knows what to expect. On the other hand, a child who is out of contact feels confused. If his needs are not met and his signals go unanswered, he may decide that signals are not worth giving at all. This leads the child to the conclusion: “I do not deserve attention. The people around me are out of mercy, and I can do nothing to get closer to them. "
We emphasize the importance of timely response because the brain develops very actively during the first two years. This is the period when the child develops patterns of associations, patterns of behavior, creates an image of a signal and an event. For example, the child raises his hands, and the parent responds by taking him in his arms. Repetition reinforces this behavior in the child's mind, and ultimately emotions, positive or negative, are firmly associated with him, mainly with a positive sense of "justice." A sense of well-being becomes part of the child himself.
Children who are accustomed to the comfort and peace of mind they gain from attachment parenting spend the rest of their lives to preserve that feeling. They can remember this right feeling after temporary breaks. These matured people are better at dealing with obstacles in life because they are active and able to restore a sense of peace of mind that has penetrated deeply into their own minds. They can fall a lot, but they always get back on their feet. This concept is especially true for a child who overcomes obstacles, or for someone who enters a world endowed with natural talent. Children who do not develop a sense of well-being in early childhood struggle to find it. But they do not know exactly what they are looking for, because this feeling is unfamiliar to them. This explains why some children raised in the attachment method at an early age do well despite marital problems.
The game of catch-up. “What if I don’t have the practice of“ attachment ”upbringing?" - you may ask. Do not create additional difficulties. Children are able to quickly recover, so it is never too late to create a child's inner world. This kind of parenting combines the ingredients of self-esteem and can restore them. Nevertheless, the earlier this connection begins, the more successfully it proceeds and the stronger the result is obtained (see "Restoring contact").

2. Improve your own self-confidence
Parenting is therapy. By caring for your child, you often heal yourself. In our practice, there was a case when a mother with a difficult child once said: "My baby discovers the best and the worst in me." If you have problems in your past that affect the parenting process, seek the help of a psychologist to confront them.

A child's self-esteem is acquired, not inherited. Certain features of upbringing and character traits (for example, courage and cowardice) are acquired in each generation. Having a child gives you the chance to become a parent. If you yourself have a poor inner world and feel that your upbringing is partially to blame for this (usually it is), you need to take steps to overcome this and disrupt the established image.
Try this exercise (doctors call it "passing on the best, giving up the rest"): First, list certain factors that your parents followed in shaping your inner world. Then highlight the things that weakened your character in the process of education. Now imitate positive trends and avoid repeating negative ones. If you find it difficult to cope with this exercise on your own, seek help from a specialist. Both you and your child will benefit.
Don't be too hard on your parents. They were probably doing the best they could under the circumstances and at the time. I remember one day my grandmother said to her daughter: “I was a good mother to you. I followed exactly the directions the doctor gave me. " The matured daughter felt that some of her existing problems stemmed from the attitudes she received as a child. I expressed my opinion that the mother is not to blame, because the prevailing practice at each time period follows special guidelines for raising children. However, a mother of the nineties becomes easier to become a specialist in raising her own child.

Polish your mirror. No one can maintain a happy expression all twenty-four hours a day, but the child is sensitive to any change. He looks at you like in a mirror, reflecting his own feelings. If you are worried, your face cannot radiate joy. In the early period of development, the formation of a child is deeply connected with the personality of the mother, on this basis, mutual understanding is created. What image do you show your baby? Would you see a worried person behind a false facade? Matthew, filled with gratitude to his mother, wrote: "I love being with my mother most of all when she is happy." Children broadcast your unhappiness, implying that you are unhappy with them. Even babies know that their parents are in a good mood. As they get older, they may even come to feel responsible for the happiness of their parents.
If you are experiencing depression or fear, seek help to deal with them before they affect your child.
Martha's note:“Soon after the birth of our eighth child, I was overwhelmed by two babies in diapers and raising four older children. My tension was reflected in my face, I was an openly dejected person. Fortunately, I realized that this is how children see me. I didn’t want them to grow up thinking that mothering was not enjoyable or that it made me unhappy. I sought help, controlled my own senses, and polished my mirror so that the children could see themselves best in it. "

To tease or not to tease
Quite often I called our oldest daughter “Our support in life”. I thought that by teasing her, I was cute. Hayden felt differently. I took it as light, homely humor; Hayden treated him as an offensive attack. Hayden was very worried. And finally she had to tell me: “Dad, you have repeated this many times, and every time I said that I did not like it. Please stop". If you decide to joke with others, be attentive to who the joke is directed at. Consider that a joke can make your child nervous and upset. Do not make the subject of a joke that the child dislikes. This is rude and pernicious.
While you cannot be with your child at all times and protect him from all attacks, you must make your home a safe area. Don't let peers tease each other. Older brothers can be ruthless to the youngest. Act as a buffer against adults and neighborhood children who come into your home and tease with words or tone of voice that hurt your children's affectionate feelings. Put the question in such a way that the teasing neighbor does not appear in your home.

3. Be an outspoken positive reflection
Most children have a sense of their own worth not only from what they think of themselves, but also from what others think of them. This is especially true for preschool children who study themselves from the reactions of their parents. What images do you convey to your child, positive or negative? Are you giving him the idea that you are happy to be with him? Do his views and desires matter to you? Do you like his behavior?

When you give your child a positive reflection, they know they did well. He will also readily accept your remark if his behavior is wrong. It becomes an educational tool. “All I have to do is look at him in a certain way and he stops acting wrong,” one mother said at my appointment. She enriched the child's self-awareness with positive feelings, and the boy took advantage of this by receiving her signals. When a mother shows that she is unhappy with all her appearance, the child does not like the feeling that arises at the same time. He quickly changes his behavior to restore good feelings.
You cannot be cheerful all the time because you are a living person. The child should know that parents also have difficult days. Children can see the truth behind fake cheerfulness. Your sensitivity to your child increases their sensitivity to you. And someday he will be able to raise your self-confidence.

4. Play with your child
You will learn a lot about the child and about yourself while playing. Playtime gives the child the message, “You deserve to be spent with you. You are a significant person. " During the game, children learn. Instead of wasting your play time on chores, use it only to interact with your baby.

Let your child start the game. An important teaching principle for parents to remember is that an action that a child initiates can hold their attention longer. Learning will be easier if the child chooses what to do. The child's play increases his self-esteem: "Father loves what I am doing!" Of course, you may be thinking, "Oh no, I won't play cubes anymore" or "We have read this tale twenty times!" You will get bored with Puss in Boots much earlier than a child. If you want to bring something new to an old game, add changes, dream up. Stop talking about the book, for example, like this: "What will you do if Puss in Boots walks into our door now?" Or find a new way to use an old toy: "Let's turn this tower of blocks into a garage for a car."

Raise your child to be sensitive and receptive. As you play, focus on your child. If you are with your child and think about work, then the child will feel it, and neither of you will benefit from the time spent together. The child will lose the meaning of communication with you. For him, this will be a signal that he is not important to you. You lose the opportunity to educate and enjoy your child. I remember how much six-month-old Matthew and I enjoyed playing the club. I sat Matthew in front of me with a few of my favorite toys (his and mine) and made a circle with my legs around him. This space held him back because he was just starting to sit, and provided support if he fell on his side. Matthew was under my full attention. He felt especially, and so did I. The sounds the child made were very funny.

Parents need playful communication with their child. As a busy person, I had little time to get down to the level of a child and enjoy his haphazard and seemingly unproductive play. In the end, I had so many "more important" things to do. Once I realized how much benefit we could get, this special time was significant. The game has become a medicine for me. It took me a while to focus on this important little man who, without knowing it, taught me how to relax. The game helped me to get to know Matthew, his character and his capabilities at every stage of development. The child and parent open up to each other during the game. A fulfilling relationship is very rewarding.
Playing with your child kind of aligns you, helps you look at the world through his eyes. Save time for enjoyment and simple enjoyment of the game. The game is an investment. You may think you are "wasting time" playing dice when you might "be doing something." Many adults struggle to let themselves go about their business. Of course, you don't have to play with your child all day, and the child doesn't want to. After reaching the age of eighteen months, the child needs you less and less. By raising a new person, you are doing the most important job in the world. What can seem more meaningless to you than long sessions with a child. However, consider playing time as the best investment. The most interesting thing is to do something together with Parents, it is necessary to play communication with the child. As a busy person, I had little time to get down to the level of a child and enjoy his haphazard and seemingly unproductive play. In the end, I had so many "more important" things to do. Once I realized how much benefit we could get, this special time was significant. The game has become a medicine for me. It took me a while to focus on this important little man who, without knowing it, taught me how to relax. The game helped me to get to know Matthew, his character and his capabilities at every stage of development. The child and parent open up to each other during the game. A fulfilling relationship is very rewarding.
Playing with your child kind of aligns you, helps you look at the world through his eyes. Save time for enjoyment and simple enjoyment of the game. The game is an investment. You may think you are "wasting time" playing dice when you might "be doing something." Many adults struggle to let themselves go about their business. Of course, you don't have to play with your child all day, and the child doesn't want to. After reaching the age of eighteen months, the child needs you less and less. By raising a new person, you are doing the most important job in the world. What can seem more meaningless to you than long sessions with a child. However, consider playing time as the best investment. The most interesting thing is to do something with a small child, and it will become interesting for him to study with you when he grows up. As the child grows, you can involve him in your activities and work, this will be the best reward for him.

Responsibility in fostering a child's self-esteem
No parenting book would be worth anything if it didn't include a section on child dignity. Yet we have concerns that not all parents will correctly interpret the meaning of this concept and decide that this is another problem that they must solve along with regular meals and a warm winter coat. Children defend themselves against anything that can compromise their self-esteem, even when it gets ridiculous ("Oh Billy, you're singing wrong. Change the key"). They measure their self-esteem every day, like someone measures their temperature ("Julia has low self-esteem today. Big brother beat her at checkers last night").
Self-esteem is essential for every child. As a tree grower, you must cultivate this feeling by creating an environment for your child to become strong and resilient. You cannot develop a child's self-esteem just by praising him. Much in the educational process is simple and interesting. Hold more baby in your arms, respond to his needs, enjoy him. Self-esteem will develop naturally.

5. Call your child by name
What's in a name? This is a person, this is a person - big or small. I still remember my grandfather who showed me how to use and memorize people's names.
This lesson has shown its benefits. Once, when I was an aspiring medical student, I was assigned to do summer internships, despite the opportunity to hire experienced professionals. After completing the assignment, I asked why I was hired, although I was less qualified than my competitors. “Because you remembered and called all your clients by their first names,” they answered me. Address your child by name, especially when making eye and tactile contact, except for “special” calls. Using another person's name opens doors, breaks down barriers, and even makes parenting adjustments easier.
Children learn the connection between their name and the message you give them, as well as between the name and the behavior you require. Parents often use a nickname or just the first name in casual conversations: "Jimmy, I love what you do." They amplify the message by using the full name to deepen the impression: "Dames Michel Seeers, stop it!" One kid we have heard about considers his full name a "crazy name" because he hears it when his parents are angry with him.
We've noticed that confident children are more likely to refer to peers and adults by name or title. Their self-esteem allows them to be more open when communicating with others. As I was writing this section, my 2-year-old daughter Laura ran to my desk chirping, "Hi, Dad!" The addition of "daddy" impressed me more than the impersonal "hello!" A school-age child who can speak to an adult by name will find it easier to get help when needed.

6. Practice of the transfer principle
Promote your child's talent development. He can do well at something, like a two-year-old * has great picnics for dolls, and a ten-year-old loves ballet. In recent years, we have noticed a phenomenon we have called the "transfer principle." This means that the enjoyment of one's own activity stimulates the development of the child's inner consciousness and encompasses various types of activity. One of our sons was a natural athlete, but the coaches weren't interested in that. Using the principle of transfer, we encouraged his passion for sports and at the same time supported him when working with coaches.
His school performance improved, and his self-confidence grew accordingly. Uncover your child's talents and help them develop them. Then you will be able to observe the flowering of a harmonious person.

7. Guide your child to do well
Help your child develop talents and skills as part of parenting. If you find negative tendencies in your child that he shouldn't have, don't encourage them to develop. Be careful not to overload him with activities. Strike a balance between helping and protecting. Both processes are required. If you discourage your child's attempts at independence, their skills will not develop and you will lose a valuable creator. If you don't protect your child from unrealistic expectations, his sense of fulfillment will be compromised.

Avoid comparative evaluation
Children measure their own worth by how they feel and how others evaluate them. Your child can only throw 400 on the serving team, but will feel uncomfortable if his teammates can throw 500. Make sure the child understands that you are judging him by who he is, not by who how he does it. Do this by giving your child plenty of eye contact, touching and focusing. In other words, behave regardless of the outcome of a game or challenge.
Don't expect your child to excel in sports, music, or science just because you want to. He can only surpass himself. He should know that your love for him does not depend on how you evaluate the quality of his work. This is a serious challenge for parents to overcome wisely.

Wall of achievement
Our Sire family has a gallery of achievements. The walls of the house display evidence of the aspirations and achievements of our children; every child is good at something. Uncover, encourage, and reflect this in your family. If your home does not have such a wall, the child cannot demonstrate their success. As children grow older and look around, they see their past achievements. This gives them a boost, especially at times when their self-esteem is unstable.

8. Teach your child at home how to behave on the street
During the upbringing process, you may decide that the child should communicate with children of different levels in order to make an independent choice for himself. It may sound beautiful, or at least politically correct, but this simplicity alone doesn't work. It is like going out to sea without a rudder or captain. The likelihood of such a vessel reaching the port of destination will be negligible. Children are too precious to trust their case.
Protect your child from alien intrusion into his inner world. By raising your child in the “attachment” method for the first three years and maintaining a close bond in the years that follow, you give him a solid foundation for understanding his meaning in the home, in the family, and in relationships with others. A child develops by following and interacting with the mind, experience and knowledge of his parents, so he can be released into the urban "jungle" without the risk of being "eaten alive." Having received a solid foundation, feeling the protection and support of relatives, the child will be able to choose his own path and stand firmly on it. Even if he experiments a little, as all children do, he will again be on his way.
Keep an eye on your child's friends, especially those under the age of ten. The moral values of the child and his life concept depend on the people who matter to him in life: relatives, coaches, teachers and friends. Parents should be aware of those who influence the child's character and foster communication with those who influence him in a positive way. Monitor your child's relationships with friends. Let him choose his friends first, and then watch their relationship. Check his feelings. Is he in a peaceful mood or annoyed? Is he compatible with a new friend? Connecting a passive and strong personality is good if a strong friend pulls your child up, not down. Children brought up according to the "attachment" method are more likely than others to assess their partners for compatibility. Parents should be attentive to the choice of the child and constantly monitor his social circle.
The roots of childhood self-awareness have its roots in the home, in the family, and in the environment of the people who are raising it. After six years, the influence of peers increases dramatically. The deeper the roots of children's self-esteem are laid at home, the better children are ready to interact with their peers. They know how to deal with peers with whom they enjoy playing and those who create problems for them. As children reared according to the “attachment” method grow up, they are better prepared to interact with those around them (household, neighbors, grandparents, preschoolers) using different rules. For healthy social development, a child first needs to learn to be in harmony with himself, and then with others.
Stick to home rules. Under normal conditions, a child develops from the known to the unknown. He sets up new experiments in much the same way as he learns to be independent. It is perfectly normal for a child to periodically return to the comfort of his home or family and then rush back into the "jungle" of the unknown. It is very important for any child to have a strong base, a base that is formed by the upbringing system according to the "attachment" method. Parents often wonder what degree of attachment to them is considered normal. Consider the problem in a year. If you see that the child is not becoming more socially active, this could be a red flag. But if you see a forward movement, it means that your child is simply developing socially. Based on his personality traits, he forms a small circle of significant and deep relationships, instead of creating countless superficial acquaintances.

Take your child's friends home
Invite your child's friends into the house. It might disturb the cleanliness, but don't worry. Gathering friends will help you see your child in a new aspect: determine the degree of social adaptation, identify behaviors that require improvement or correction. You will have the opportunity of immediate educational intervention in order to give a personal lesson to your child or conduct a conversation if the whole team needs correction.

9. Monitor the impact of school on your child
Some schools can be hazardous to a child's emotional health. The choice of school (if any) must be carefully considered. The child meets with peers with different levels of upbringing and level of "attachment", so his expectations may not be met at school. If a child is reliably connected with his parents and has a strong inner core, then the new forms of communication that he will encounter in a social group will not radically affect him.
At the age of about six years, when a child begins to actively assimilate basic knowledge of communication, the adults around him begin to influence his life. Their opinion is enough to influence the formation and assessment of the behavior model. The child's social environment offers a wide range of choices for a significant person. Now parents must be vigilant to understand whose behavior the child is modeling. This greatly reduces the importance of parents as educators. Two extremes are possible here. On the one hand, there are parents who allow their child to try out different behaviors as they grow up, so they are more open. On the other hand, there are parents who want to protect their child from all influences and ideals other than their own beliefs, while the child grows up in a closed atmosphere.
Usually, the right choice is between these two extremes. Parents who are overprotective can end up raising a very vulnerable child who cannot think independently and are influenced by other people's temptations and judgments. Somewhere in the middle are the parents who lay down a solid system of criteria in their child and reinforce it as it may collide with another system. A child who, from childhood, has his own stable system of criteria, is better able to evaluate someone else's, received from peers and teachers. The crux of the matter is that the child develops a belief system that allows him to act. He is not a leaf, floating down the river, following the path of least resistance, and ultimately ending up in a great sea of uncertainty. Many people stumble sometimes for the rest of their lives without the foundations to be formed in infancy and early childhood.

Parents, don't be smug about using the term hidden to middle-aged children. This is not the time to sit back and become careless about parenting. This is the age when a child develops a conscience and learns your values in life. They develop their own standards over time, through interactions with peers, other families and teachers, and through relationships with neighbors and friendships. They discover a large world with a variety of behaviors. A belated attempt to instill your criteria in a teenager, whose main task at this stage is to develop their own values, may be unsuccessful. The best way to instill your criteria in a teenager is to have a heart-to-heart talk about attitude.

Loss of shortcuts
“I'm asthmatic,” seven-year-old Greg proudly told me when I asked him why he came to me. Indeed, Greg suffered from asthma, but this problem was easier to overcome than the emotional impact of this label. Several doses of bronchodilator and his shortness of breath went away, but the label remained. I told Greg's mother privately that the child has two problems: the problem of the illness itself and the problem of the family's reaction to the illness.
Every child looks for something special in himself and uses it as a brand that attracts a lot of attention. The word "asthmatic" became Greg's label, and he used it frequently. The whole day everything revolved around his illness, the family focused on this side of Greg's personality, and not on himself. Instead of compassion, siblings grew tired of planning their lives due to Greg's asthma. They could not travel because it bored their brother. This illness became a family illness, and everyone but Greg was forced to play roles they didn't like.
Removing the shortcut from Greg was easy. I could handle Greg's asthma. And together with my family, we made the word "asthmatic" not the main one in the characterization of Greg.

Book: Your child from birth to 10 years

He will know that making a mistake is not scary. The main thing is to set a goal and achieve its implementation. The child needs to be explained that many difficulties can be encountered on the way to the goal. Teach him not to be afraid of it. In overcoming difficulties, experience and dedication are tempered.

In addition, one's own parents are important. If they are unsure of themselves, show doubts about the solution to a particular problem, then they will instill confidence in their child. Constant doubts about their righteousness make baby insecure. And vice versa, seeing the brave, self-confident parents, the child will strive to be like them. Over time, he will also learn to be responsible for his actions.

The formation of self-confidence is influenced by the team. If a child is accepted in a group, others accept his opinion, they listen to him, then over time he becomes confident in his abilities. This is also influenced by participation baby in various events. Preparing a performance and performing in front of an audience is an important experience. He will not be afraid of a negative assessment of the results of his activities by others and will learn to perceive constructive criticism.

It also largely depends on the teacher how confident the child is in. Its task is to create conditions for the formation of confidence in everyone baby... Rejected children should not be allowed in the group. Every child is different. Taking into account his individual abilities provides a platform for developing confidence.

When does it start?

3. Learn to interact with people. Yes, just take it and tell me how to communicate in various situations with peers, strangers, adults.

4. Praise for achievements more than you scold for mistakes. Better 60/40, so as not to overdo it. Many parents are used to taking their children's success for granted. And it is imperative that without them the children would not have coped.

5. Speak more often that you love and you will always come to the rescue. I'm not talking about overprotection now, but rather. There must be balance in love too.

Signs of a confident child

To analyze your confidence scale, monitor social behavior outside the home. Observe the offspring from the side. You will notice that:

he knows how to say no to others;
easily defends his opinion without "psychos";
communicates with new people without problems;
takes on a new business with enthusiasm.

Bingo! The kid grows up confident in his abilities.

For approval - to adults

It is important for children that mom and dad appreciate - “This is cool. But here we need to improve. " This is one of the basic needs of children. If in response the children receive neglect, ridicule, or - they lose confidence.

A child is like an apple tree. If you do not huddle it, it will grow wild. She also has sweet apples, but you still can't make jam from them.

Notice the similarities?

Be sincerely interested in business or daughter, let it be spoken out and learn to speak with children. Otherwise, in adulthood, they will not have to attend developmental trainings, but a psychiatrist.

By the way, aggressiveness is also uncertainty.

If the child beat the router for a bad Wi-Fi, thus he splashes out the accumulated stress

If he is indecisive

Cheer up. Small, in your opinion, problems for a child - the whole universe.

Ask. Let him make decisions for himself. Start with "What would you like ...?"

Do not draw attention on his insecurity or shyness. Especially with the phrases "He is so shy with us ...".

Parents' ridicule is taken literally and translated into complexes.

If uncertainty and shyness are in progress, take your child to the theater group. A puppet show is ideal for a start.

By the way, many movie stars admitted that this is how they defeated shyness and became self-confident.

Let the child play with younger children. So he will pump the skills of responsibility and growing up. Sometimes you need to catch "among the sheep, I'm a fine fellow."

Without self-affirmation

Accordingly, they set and achieve goals of any level. (By the way, this also applies to adults).

To both parents as individuals, in order to convey to the child the correct attitude towards success and failure, towards criticism, towards the environment. And say more often that you love.

Ksenia Litvin,
psychologist Growth Phase.

A confident person is capable of moving mountains. He is not afraid to be himself, to show his true ones, to try something new, to do wrong things, to change and want more. Stress, neuroses, public condemnation, guilt and awareness of his own imperfection are not terrible for him, because a self-confident person knows how to be responsible for his life choices. if this feeling was never close? Easily! And here are 7 steps to success.

Psychology lessons: 7 steps to build self-confidence.

Step 1. Find your "norm"

There are too many rules and regulations in society that dictate how you should be? “A woman needs to realize herself as a mother,” “a real man must earn 100 thousand a year,” “a good man takes care of the weak,” etc. Stop! Rules are everywhere, unless a lazy person invents them. Can you really be good for everyone? Understand, everyone has their own truth, and people always need to condemn something. The only way not to lose yourself is this. Answer yourself to the question: who are you? What is important to you? And how would you like to see your life? Anything that is not within the boundaries of your norm - ignore!

Step 2. Embrace your "dark side"

Stop condemning your negative qualities and traits, this will not diminish them! Man is so constructed that he has both good and bad in nature. Accept your own honestly and sincerely, allow them to exist within your ego and sometimes influence your actions. When you accept yourself without condemnation, you will understand that it is much more effective - not condemnation, but creation. Develop, create new good habits and qualities - and you will strengthen the inner core of your confidence.

Step 3. Learn the flexibility of perception

How attached are you to your habits, people, and future plans? Life is unpredictable, it can throw any trick into the most inappropriate - and you will lose control over yourself, succumbing to momentary emotions and indignation. What makes a confident person stand out from the rest? He is ready for any unforeseen situations, knows how to quickly rebuild and respond flexibly to changing plans. How to develop flexibility in yourself? Do unexpected things and expand your own experience!

Step 4. Change the environment

What kind of relationships do you have with other people? How much do your loved ones respect, appreciate, help you? Are you giving others much more than you actually get? Stop treating yourself without respect! Surround yourself only with people who truly value and keep in touch with you. Perhaps you yourself impede their care, on your own initiative, taking everything upon yourself? Then stop, let others participate too. There is nothing more enjoyable than sharing the burden of worries with the people who love you.

Step 5. Learn to be open

What makes us confident? Belonging to something, love of others, recognition and mutual sympathy. But how to get the favor of strangers without the risk of being misunderstood? It's simple: open first! If you feel lonely, if you don't have friends, a loved one, or a circle of trust, start radiating it out into the world by sharing selflessly. Remember, the more a person gives, the more he gains. And before you enjoy the fruits, you need to flavor the soil.

Step 6. Set tasks and win

The taste of victory, the solution to a difficult task, the feeling when you set and achieved it - this is what raises your own to heaven! How long have you put yourself in uncomfortable conditions, overcome your own laziness and bad just in order to solve the problem and show who is the master of the situation? Do not succumb to despondency and idleness, life is too short to be born and miss everything, because there was no time, energy or suitable conditions. Remember, you yourself create your own conditions and yours. So try something new, improve!

Step 7: Don't let guilt rule you

We can often be too critical of ourselves, and all this is just the result of improper upbringing, when a person is literally persecuted with the words "you must", "I gave birth to you, so take care of me", "without me you are nothing." Stop cherishing feelings of guilt, considering yourself imperfect and obligated to everything. This is a great way to manipulate you and your actions. Someone else's aggression, someone else's claims - none of this is yours. If they helped you, if something was invested in you, they did it on their own initiative. You do not have to go against yourself, otherwise it is not help, but outright extortion. Appreciate your personality, take care of yourself and know that you are worthy of help and gifts of fate.

Simply because you are worth something in this life.

Parenting is not easy. The future of the baby depends on what the parents invest in the child in childhood. Self-confident people achieve greater success in life than insecure, shy ones. The task of parents is to raise a determined person with developed willpower. Success loves just those. This task is laid down from childhood. What parents put into a child will be in the future of his life.

Responsibility, decisiveness, courage are the main companions of confidence. People who are insecure about themselves, afraid of difficulties, do not know how to take responsibility, prefer easy ways, avoid development. In adulthood, these problems can be dealt with through trainings, psychological meetings. This path is very difficult, not everyone can (and wants to) follow it. To help your toddler feel comfortable in adulthood, help him gain faith at an early age.

Confidence must be instilled in a child from childhood, so that the baby becomes a successful person in the future.

Rules for communicating with children

There is no need to praise a child as if he is a king, a god and a celestial. This develops narcissism, arrogance. Parents think their child is the best. In life, such a philosophy only interferes, spoils relationships with peers. Keep track of when you praise the child and for what action (cleaning the room, tying shoelaces) or achievements (received a medal at the Olympics, built a birdhouse for wintering birds, organized friends to perform at competitions, etc.).

Only praise things that are not the child's responsibility or normal behavior. Don't celebrate the fact that the little one has washed himself. This is fine. It is important to teach this to children. Excessive praise discourages development. For what? I am still loved and praised. It means that I am good only because I am. Why do you need to grow further? Excessive parental praise interferes with the development of the child. Before you say how adorable your child is, think: is it so? Confidence is different from overconfidence, arrogance. It is important to develop in children their strengths, to help them in difficult and difficult situations, to inspire with advice or a parting word.

It is important to teach how to solve many issues on your own. This is how little ones learn a sense of responsibility. Trust the child. Yes, at first he may be wrong, do the wrong things, but this is the only way to learn independence.

Praise is necessary only for the personal merits of the child. But support should always be, the child needs to feel parental understanding and support.

What is important for parents to remember?

This article tells about typical ways of solving your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know from me how to solve your particular problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!

It is extremely important for a child to feel that he can do something on his own without your participation. It is important for mom and dad to instill in the kid the skill of using their resources, and not to do it instead. Let him develop responsibility for himself. Let him learn from childhood that actions lead to consequences. When something doesn't work out, you can cheer your child up. Experience and practice are more important. Mistakes are needed to draw the right conclusions and find the best options for performing some actions.

Children watch what their parents do. If moms and dads are insecure, how can a baby know what confidence is? Parents should be an example! Watch yourself. Parental problems affect children. You can't throw your life into a distant box. We need to take care of ourselves, improve, go forward. The main example of a child is his parents. You need to be the kind of person that the baby can be proud of and wants to become like him.

At home, kids should feel safe. It is important to build a relationship of trust with your child. Communicate, trust, listen. Become a friend, but be a parent. If a baby is having difficulties, he needs your support, not criticism. Then you can raise your child to be confident. It is important from an early age to learn to believe in yourself and know your strength.

If the child takes the initiative and does something on his own - rejoice, you have a confident child growing up. Well, if the kid did not succeed in fulfilling his plans, help with advice on how to make it better next time

This is influenced by many factors, including:

relationships with parents, teachers, peers;
success and failure, attitude towards them;
checking the "strength" of qualities and abilities.

Mental development of children: age characteristics

At the age of 1-3 years, babies should already receive a part of independence, interacting with people and objects, their speech is actively developing. From 3 to 7 years old, the child distinguishes between his states and emotional experiences, visual-effective thinking arises, the foundations of moral development are laid, children are actively playing, simulating the world of adults.

Up to 5 years of age, the psyche is very flexible, the memory is good, so it is extremely important to help the child to reveal his abilities and potential. From the age of 7, volitional processes, memory develop, the child evaluates himself, plans actions. From 3 to 7 years old, it is important to carry out various exercises with the child. This is how a person will grow up who knows himself, knows how to act, to achieve success in all spheres of life.

Development of communication skills

Confidence is formed by interacting with the people around you. Parents need to teach their child to express their feelings and desires. Shyness encourages kids to follow other people's opinions because they don't know how to articulate their needs. Teach communication skills. For this, role-playing games are suitable, where everyone can play the main role.

You cannot compare people, especially not in favor of your child. So you can instill an inferiority complex in your baby. You need to support. The kid should know: the parent will come to the rescue in a difficult situation, if needed.

Often, parents try to make their unrealized dreams come true through their child, trying to impose their opinion and proper behavior on him. But your child is an independent person, and he has the right to be whoever he wants. Support the child's choice

The right to be yourself. Some adults want their little ones to be different. Brave, leaders, charismatics, etc. Attempts to bring up children as their parents dream are fraught with negative consequences. It is important to appreciate their natural inclinations in the offspring, otherwise it will undermine their self-confidence. Understand your baby's needs and personality.

It is necessary to develop those inclinations that the baby has. Classes should not take place in a compulsory form, otherwise it will not bring pleasure and benefit. It is necessary to show love: to speak, to show by actions, then the baby will be able to love himself, he will feel safety.

Patience, support. If the child does not immediately succeed in everything correctly, in no case do not criticize. Support him, be patient. Teach new skills in the game. It is important for a child to feel that his parents support him, then it will be easier for him to complete tasks, solve problems. Hug your child, say warm words.

Of course, broken things are unpleasant. Before you scold, ask your child what he wanted to achieve with his actions. If the words contain logic, not lies, help the child get the experience he wants. Explain why you are upset: “this thing is important in the household and now you have to buy a new one, spend time going to the store,” etc.

Take time to communicate with your child, answer questions. Ignoring the baby can cause him to feel unnecessary and self-doubt.

Listen carefully, explain. Encourage your child to experiment. If he breaks or disassembles his toys, then he cannot be criticized for it. These are his things, and he has the right to do whatever he wants with them.

Does the child want to tell something? Take time for this, answer his questions. It is important for children to feel that at any time they can come to you and communicate. The world around seems complicated. Explain its structure in simple language, clarify whether your explanations are clear to the children. After the first victory or consolidation of a new skill, it is important to praise and reward. Warm words, attention, interesting joint leisure.

Personal boundaries

Every year children get more and more independence. This cannot be prohibited. Of course, there should be rules: always wear a hat when it's cold or take an umbrella with you if rain is coming. And the choice of clothes, for example, is made by the child independently. There should be a system with clear rules: what the child can do and what is not yet allowed for him. For example, walking in the evening is allowed only with parents, but during the day, near the house, you can play with friends, but not run to the road.

The presence of clear rules will help to become self-confident, will contribute to the full, all-round development of the psyche.

Uncertainty is the root cause of many problems. You can learn the opposite, then a person will be able to defend his point of view, believe in his abilities and strength, and will not worry about the opinions of others.

Practice confidence-building exercises with your child.

Exercises to develop self-confidence will help strengthen the will, relieve weaknesses. You can get rid of fears, get a good mood and become self-confident. Do exercises to develop your faith:

write down positive qualities, achievements;
think about what you would like to achieve, what to do;
perform actions to move towards the goal every day.

Drawing yourself

This exercise will help you see yourself from the outside. Parents and children draw themselves so that no one knows where whose drawing is. Then their creations are mixed and each gets an image. Participants tell what is missing in a particular drawing. The details of the story will allow you to draw the correct conclusion about the current emotional state of the baby.

Will the description of the image turn out to be negative or will what the child drew look dull? It is necessary to contact a psychologist for a detailed study of the psychological characteristics of the personality of the baby, for diagnostics, correctional games.

Will

Exercise develops willpower, faith. The child will find inner freedom. Write on a piece of paper what you did today. Write whatever comes to your mind. Now think about how much you can do. You can learn something else, if you so desire.

Confidence comes from knowing yourself and your capabilities. Exploring oneself, knowing one's abilities, the level of personal growth rises. Sometimes children are embarrassed to talk about secrets, dreams. Help them in this, contribute to the opening of the baby's soul. So you can help the child to open up to new achievements.

It is good when both parents are engaged with children. An example of loved ones will allow the baby to understand that he, too, can become like a mom or dad.

I'm in the future

Exercise builds self-confidence. Training is important for any age. Invite your child to draw himself in the future. What does he want to become? The image should be inspiring, bright. Draw not only yourself, but also your hobbies and interests. When the drawing is complete, you can talk about how you see yourself in the future.

This technique quickly reveals the true spiritual aspirations of the child. When the baby can already clearly imagine himself in the future, sees him as positive, such a result should be pleasing. If the child shows negative sides, and thoughts are filled with pessimism, it is important to consult a psychologist for correction.

Fast resolution of the conflict

Exercise will help you develop responsiveness. The skill is useful in conflict situations. Take care of the whole family. One came up with a conflict, the second said how he reacts to it. Everything happens quickly. Invite an outside observer (or use a tape recorder) to record the participants' thoughts. After a while, review the results with your spouse.

A negative attitude towards life, aggressiveness, anger are some of the main reasons why a person cannot fully realize himself in society. You can help your baby if you find a problem in time. Such training games should become regular for the whole family.

Circle of compliments

Exercise helps build confidence in yourself. You can learn to appreciate your positive aspects and the dignity of others. Parents and children are involved. Stand in a circle. Give three compliments to the other person. So in a circle. Remember what you like about each other: in appearance, behavior, character.