If your relationship with a man is not developing. What if the relationship is not developing? If the relationship does not develop
What's going on in his head? You probably won't know, but you can guess. Perhaps this man is basically not interested in a relationship. Or maybe he sees in you only a friend?
Another option: he is afraid of something. For example, now he is more concerned about his career, and the girls occupy the honorable second line in the list of his priorities. He is afraid that your romance will take too much of his time and energy. In addition, he is not yet ready to start a family.
Or maybe he already has someone? It is better not to guess about this, but to ask directly. If you are afraid to push him away with a “question in the forehead”, ask about your plans for the near future. Your task is to find out if there is a place for you in this very future.
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Do you need it?
Let's say that to all your questions you received the answer you were waiting for. Yes, he is free, looking for his love and attuned to a relationship. Why, then, does he not do anything to get closer to you? Perhaps he is simply not sure that you are the one. He is pleased to communicate with you, but in the role of his girlfriend, he does not see you. It's offensive, but true.
It is important to understand that it is not about you at all - that is his choice. If you are not a schoolgirl and did not grow up in a monastery, there were also men in your life that you refused.
But sometimes it is more pleasant for us to think that this is just a prolonged flirting, and not an outright rejection of the relationship. In this case, it is worth asking yourself: do you need someone who is not interested in you? Will you be happy with a man who never made a choice in your favor?
While you dream about him, dozens of pretty bachelors are walking the streets who are ready to show much more determination than your friend.
I decided everything myself
Think about it: maybe at some point you rejected him? For example, made it clear that in this case you are only interested in friendship? Men take it literally, so your flirtatious no, which actually meant yes or maybe, could be taken as a final rejection, non-negotiable. If you showed with all your might that you were interested in him, showed activity and attention, the conclusion is one: he is not the hero of your novel.
What to do?
Decide what you need. If you want to continue to communicate in the same spirit, then you do not need to do anything. Enjoy casual conversations and walks every two weeks. But if you want a serious relationship, look around. Chat with other men, go to parties and dates - after all, you are a free girl and you have not promised anything to anyone.
We are accustomed to the fact that everything in our life naturally moves forward: after graduating from school, we go to university, then find a permanent job, continue to improve ourselves, studying foreign languages or attending decoupage courses. We do not want to stand still and expect the same from a relationship with a beloved man - development. How great is our disappointment when the connection, which is just about to become stronger and brighter, suddenly freezes: neither here nor there.
Relationships "freeze" for different reasons and at different stages. Some do not even go from harmless flirting to a serious relationship, while others get stuck at the stage of "happy together", but are not going to marry. At first, such a “freeze” may not even alert you, but sooner or later you will think: “Why are we not moving forward? Is there something wrong with us? " Before jumping to conclusions and making a serious decision about parting, let's look at the reasons for the "freeze" of the relationship.
Harmless flirting and nothing more
You periodically intersect with an interesting man in a cafe or at work, make eyes at each other, exchange a few words, but unfortunately, things don't go any further. And you would really like to get a little closer, you really like him, but none of you takes a step forward.
Why it happens?
As a rule, the impossibility of rapprochement in this case is explained by two reasons: unwillingness and fear of any of the parties to enter into a serious relationship and external circumstances. With the first, everything is clear - past negative experience, uncertainty that this person is suitable for the role of a soul mate, or a passion for collecting hearts lead to the fact that the flirting with all his might tries not to cross the line he himself delineated. As for the external circumstances, everything is a little more complicated with them. For example, in a big city, when people living in different parts of it are almost equated with aliens, some will prefer to remain alone than to start a relationship with someone to whom they have to visit for several hours. In general, housing, career and other issues sometimes still prevail over feelings.
Love is love, but life is apart
We are talking about adults whose relationship cannot advance beyond the stage of "walking, cafe, cinema". It would seem that you have been meeting for a long time and not always on neutral territory: sometimes he stays with you for the night, and sometimes you spend the weekend in his apartment, but there is no talk of moving in.
Why it happens?
There are several reasons, and they all have a right to exist, although some may seem far-fetched.
1. Lack of opportunity to live together. Probably, one of the partners lives with their parents, and we are not talking about "over-age children": an elderly mom and dad may simply need sick care. Or, for example, a woman rents an apartment closer to work and does not want to move to her beloved, so that later it takes a long time to get to her office. It doesn't matter what exactly keeps you from living together. The important thing is that as adults you feel like teenagers forced to meet on a park bench.
Protecting their personal space, they unwittingly put a full stop where it was quite possible to put a comma.
2. Fear of everyday problems. Many couples deliberately refuse to live together, explaining their decision by the fact that dirty linen, escaped milk and socks scattered in the corners will kill feelings in the first month. Such partners are inclined to choose a guest marriage, however, they do not always feel like a full-fledged couple at the same time.
3. The struggle for personal space. Adults who are used to living alone are very jealous of their personal space. The opportunity to sit at home in complete silence and arrange things on the shelves in the closet exactly as they want is a real fix idea for those who value their own “I” much more than “we”. As a result, protecting their personal space, they unwittingly put a full stop where it was quite possible to put a comma.
“Why get married? And we live so well "
This is how most couples who have been living together for years explain their unwillingness to go to the registry office. It would seem, what prevents people from legalizing relationships? They already fall asleep and wake up in the same bed, go to their parents for the weekend together and make far-reaching plans, but they don’t agree to a stamp in their passport. It is rather difficult to say that in this case the relations are also “frozen”. Some are really satisfied with this state of affairs, and they do not need another. But when one of the partners passionately wants to tie the knot, and the other resists, then we can already talk about some problems.
Why it happens?
In this case, we are driven by fear and uncertainty. Moreover, both of these can seriously prevent us from building a strong family.
1. "I'm not sure if it is him." Some women frankly say that they are comfortable living with a certain man, but they are not going to marry him for one simple reason - there is no certainty that he is “the one”.
2. Burnt in milk ... If one of the partners has already had to go through a painful divorce, then it is quite understandable why now he is in no hurry to put a new stamp in his passport. In this case, people prefer to live under one roof and always remember that they have the opportunity to leave by slamming the door and not think about the unpleasant paperwork.
What if the relationship "froze"?
It is definitely worth trying to revive them. Breaking is much easier than building, and, unfortunately, most people choose not to make an effort to preserve their feelings, and then cry at the rubble. Do not shrug off if your relationship at some point stopped developing, try to bring something new into it, try to look at your partner with different eyes - for example, a girl who sees him for the first time in a crowd. If you understand that he still gives you warm feelings, then do your best to take the relationship to a new stage. Be together and always strive forward.
Well, here ... I continue my story ... These three days and three nights spent with my Sun were the happiest for me in the last 5-7 years. We rolled in bed, got up, cooked together, ate, and ran back to bed.
Now I will describe my boy a little) He is a year younger than me, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, just below me. With a sense of humor, gentle, very well-read, there is always something to talk with him about. Now he is 30. I will be 31 in April. At the age of 18 he entered the institute. At the age of 19, he transferred to correspondence courses and began to work. He saved up for an apartment and at 21 he moved away from his parents. Since then he has been living alone. Very economical. The house is always clean. Washes, washes, cleans up, prepares. In general, not a man - a godsend !!! Moreover, outwardly, you would never think that he was doing all this.
So ... I got a little distracted. During this time, we talked a lot, played the fool. Then, when I had to leave, he asked me how I felt about him. I said that while too little time had passed, I hadn’t figured it out yet, but I was drawn to him. To which he answered me that what he feels for me is in his life for the second time. He said that he constantly thinks about me that he doesn’t like to kiss, but he doesn’t want to tear himself away from me and asked: "Well, this is probably not love?" I said that he knew better.
I went home again. The correspondence began again. Night and morning SMS something like "How I want you!" "I miss you", "It is a pity that you are not near", "Why are you so far away !!". I confess that at first I still treated him as a pleasant, but short-lived adventure. I tried to convince myself that you shouldn't fall in love, because I won't be able to visit him often. He comes to me too ... Parents, daughter ... We even have nowhere to sleep. In general, I lied to myself.
The next month it happened again that I was sent on a business trip for three days. It's almost 4 hours to go ... Firstly, I was going with excitement, and secondly all the way my palms were sweating and my heart was flying somewhere in front of the bus) He met me at the station. I saw him smiling, and probably at that moment I realized that I really fell in love ... Again crazy nights and happy days. I like to cook with him, these are such touching moments. I so love to fall asleep in his arms and wake up from his kisses. I love every inch of his skin. I love to massage him, I just love to stroke his head or back when he falls asleep. Now I am sure that I love him. I have infinite tenderness for him, I can’t walk past, so as not to touch or kiss my lips. I haven't felt this way for a long time. After 4 months of our meetings, I told my parents that I didn't just run to the city, that I had a young man there. They grumbled, but resigned themselves, at work, seeing how bored I was, they let me go on the March holidays 2 days earlier so that I could spend more time with him.
In general, in May it will be a year since we meet, I go to him every month for three to five days. I planned to take a vacation in the summer and go to him, but I am invited to a new job, so this is still a problem. He is going to come to me in the summer and go on vacation to the lake together.
I was 99% sure of his loyalty) Then the girlfriends suggested that he might have someone else. I began to force myself about this, but I didn't show him. Arriving, the first thing I did was to look around for women's things in the house) A friend was once surprised that I had never climbed into his phone or computer. And for me it has always been a taboo. But they planted a grain of doubt in me, I began to think about whether I should watch his correspondence in social networks ... And one day I did it
There is nothing criminal there. And then it was very unpleasant for me in my soul that I did not trust him. After that, I decided that I would never again climb where I was not invited)
In principle, if you don't cheat yourself, we probably have an ideal relationship. We don't swear, we don't bother each other. For a month we manage to get bored and with each meeting there is more and more passion in our relationship. It feels like I'm becoming perfect next to him. I was not like that in more than one relationship. I was capricious, touchy, constantly demanded more and more attention to myself. And in these relations there is nothing like that. If he is busy with something, I go to do household chores, watch TV, and do something else. A couple of times I stayed with my friends, but he also did not make scandals for me. I was just wondering where I was. Now my girlfriends say that we are the perfect couple
This is how everything is wonderful, but there is one BUT that worries me lately. There is no relationship development. I'm afraid of losing him. I don't need anyone but him. Although after I lost weight, a lot of men appeared around me, but I strongly reject them. I even hate to think that I can be with someone else. The thought just pisses me off. I want to see him every day, I want to cook for him, I want to know that he is mine forever. I really want a son from him.
A year is coming ... And we are not talking about the future. I'm afraid to scare him away. He's been living alone for so long, he's used to it. The first time we fell asleep in an embrace, and in a dream he turned away and moved away to the wall, when I asked why he always moves away, he said that he was used to sleeping alone. The last few months he gathers me in an armful, hugs me and wakes up as well) I am patiently waiting, I hope that he will get used to me and sooner or later what I am waiting for will happen. I want to be near!!!
Hello dear readers of the Samprosvetbulletin blog!
“Why does a man ignore the chance for? He himself told me that when he met me, he realized that he could be happy again. It seemed to me that our relationship should move to a new level. He hinted that we would go somewhere for the holidays together, but all of a sudden, that's all. Maybe he changed his mind? How to deal with a relationship? " - Svetlana writes.
“Help, how to sort out the relationship? Sometime 20 years ago, I was going to marry a very good man. But we got into a falling out, and we parted on my initiative. Now we unexpectedly met (on a social network) and the romance started anew. Everything developed gradually, he lives in a neighboring city and had to come to visit. But it was suddenly interrupted. I tell him that fate gave us a second chance, he agreed and disappeared. I can't understand why a man ignores the opportunity to start a relationship? I do not know what to do",- Irina writes.
A sudden end to a relationship, when a man suddenly disappears from your life, can unsettle even the most persistent. I know that in such situations women begin to puzzle over what could have gone wrong and what kind of "cockroaches in the head" of a man made him change his behavior.
Although the incident looks like a surprise, as a rule, the man had already thought about the situation in advance, and his behavior was the result of these reflections. Women often simply do not notice this, if only because they do not want to. There are several common reasons why men are reluctant to develop relationships further. They may not necessarily apply to your situation, but they will give you food for thought anyway.
Why men ignore the opportunity to develop relationships further
1. A new twist
A man does not want to develop a relationship further when he feels that the next level of relationship is inevitable. This is one of the most common reasons. A man may love you very much, but not be ready for the next step. He can see his future with you, but at the same time it is not necessary to be ready for this future to begin right now.
In this case, he would rather have more freedom than start a life together. Does this mean that he can then come back to you when he realizes that he is ready? Yes, there is a high probability that he will appear again, and practice confirms this.
2. Push-push
The second common reason is when a woman is too dependent on a man and on a relationship with him. This is your case if you are the type of woman who constantly needs support and approval, if you pressure a man, pushing him into a relationship, worry about the future, often ask questions about what will happen between you next, what are his feelings. The more you do all this, the sooner you will push him away from you.
Talking about relationships and commitments is a good thing. But if it is renewed every week, accompanied by numerous hints and pressure, then it will do harm rather than benefit. A man wants to feel that the decision about the relationship is his idea, even if you led him to it. An interesting paradox can often be seen in life. A man meets or lives with a woman for more than one year, but does not want to take the relationship to the next level. The woman cannot stand this, and they part. The man then meets another and quickly marries her. Often after women who tend to put pressure on men in making decisions, the next passion seems more appropriate due to the lack of pressure.
3. Thinking of a bachelor
Your partner may love you, but at the same time not be sure that the idea of being with only one woman is right for him right now. He may be still young or psychologically immature, and the thought that he should be with only one woman for the rest of his life can cause anxiety and anxiety. Then a woman often hears the words: "I am busy", "I need freedom", "I am not ready." The man wants to get rid of this anxiety and returns to the life of a bachelor in order to feel free to choose any woman.
4. Moms and sisters
A man may not want to pursue a relationship if the woman reminds him of his mother or other members of his family that he doesn't like.
Do you often have disputes and conflicts? If you behave like his mother, sister, or other relatives in any family conflicts, it can really annoy him a lot. He begins to feel that the relationship is getting tense and wants to leave. Usually, not everyone is able to speak directly about their experiences and more often than not, if a relationship brings too much stress to a man, he simply leaves.
5. "Butterflies in the stomach"
A man does not want to continue the relationship when he realizes that he is not interested enough in you. This is undoubtedly the most unpleasant reason. He may not feel the same as you, he may lack spark, passion and "butterflies in the stomach", which, in his opinion, should be with strong feelings. Telling you this directly is hurting your feelings. Many men would rather simply hide than go to showdown. He may not tell you that he doesn't love you enough because he doesn't want to hurt you.
6. Goals and dreams
A man does not want to develop relations further if his chosen one does not support his dreams and aspirations, does not appreciate him enough. A man begins to feel that you are his only woman when you notice all the good that is in him and inspire him to achieve his goals in life. It is also very important that the woman does not try to change him and does not interfere with him moving towards his dream. This all seems obvious, but very often women try to re-educate their partner, to make of him what they want.
7. There is someone else
Perhaps the man has someone else in mind who touches him so deeply that it brings confusion and doubts about you and your future together with him. It's also possible that he still hasn't forgotten his ex or doesn't see that you are better than her. A man will not want a serious relationship with a woman who is worse than his ex.
8. Other priorities
Maybe your counterpart now has other priorities in life. Perhaps some area of life for him at the moment is more important and requires his full attention. He needs to complete his mission before he is ready to think about a serious relationship.
9. Influence of third parties
Another reason is the influence of friends or relatives. For example, it happens that a man does not want to be the first to settle down in the group of his bachelor friends, fearing to fall out of their society, because a serious relationship and marriage take up a lot of time and energy. Or a man simply depends on the opinion of one of his relatives and friends, and negative feedback about his chosen one from their side can affect his desire to continue the relationship.
July 31, 2015, 15:56Most often women find themselves in this situation - the relationship does not develop. Rather, women react to it more sharply. What if, in your opinion, you are stuck at one point and do not move further?
First of all, it is worth recalling that there is a certain time frame for the development of relationships (from acquaintance to the birth of a child). Someone may disagree with this, but this fact has been tested by time and the experience of tens of thousands of couples. Experts in psychology also speak of this. Therefore, this statement will still have to be taken into account, whatever one may say. These time frames are roughly as follows:
- First time frame: after you have come under one roof, about 1 year should pass, after which a man decides whether he will propose to you or not. In a year, it is quite possible to understand what each of you is, who is capable of what, what you are in everyday life and whether you want to finally link your fate with each other.
If after a year (maximum two) your chosen one delays with the proposal, then this is already a signal that something is going wrong, and here it is necessary to analyze the situation.
- Second time frame: A baby should be born in 1-2 years after the wedding.
But what to do if you have been together for 2, 3, 4 years (and maybe more), but there is still no development? Answering this question, it should be noted that a man will be quite comfortable in such conditions. As a rule, he will not go out of his way to change something (at least most of them). But only as long as the woman allows and agrees to this condition. If a woman allows herself to be treated in a certain way, she is satisfied with being in the status of a common-law wife (cohabitant), a man will not think about the fact that something needs to be changed. For males, this is how psychology works: if everything is fine, then why bother?
If a woman is not satisfied with this state of affairs, then she should take some steps to push the relationship towards development.
1. It is worth describing to a man (without claims, demands and scandals) his wishes, that you see yourself as a happy wife, mother, want to bear his last name, become a part of his family. Tell him that this is important to you.
2. Be sure to ask your common-law husband how he sees the situation: does he even imagine your joint future, and how does he imagine it? And only after that do you make any conclusions. Do not immediately ruin the relationship with ultimatums - these are drastic measures. For a start, it's enough just to convey your position to your partner. It is possible that your goals coincide, the man can easily agree with your arguments, and you will happily get married.
3. But if after the first two steps you already clearly understand that the man does not see the point in an official marriage and is not going to say goodbye to his single life, then in this case it is worth thinking about drastic measures. Some relationship experts say that "in order to build something new, you have to break the old." You may not agree with this statement, but then you will have to come to terms with your status or achieve your goal in other ways.