How to start a life together with a man. My experience of living together with a guy - learning from other people's mistakes

13.07.2019

Evening meetings after a hard day's work, a joint weekend, plans for a joint vacation, you are great together, and all his ridiculous flaws and habits do not make you mad, but rather delight you? Congratulations, you were hit by the arrows of the mischievous Cupid. Living together is a lot of joint work. Therefore, each of the partners should be aware of what they are going for and whether they are ready for such responsibility.

Where to begin?

If in your head the thought has already matured to start living together, and this idea takes on real shape, then it is time to discuss this issue with your man. After all, just think how nice it will be to wake up together not once a week, but every day. If your chosen one also says that this thought is to his liking, then it's time to act.

Living together is a real skill to be guided by a compromise. Both of you will have something to lose - bachelor freedom, lack of responsibilities, your own space and other delights of free existence. In fact, many years can pass from the inception of the idea of living together to its implementation. We invite you to find out tips on how to start a life together with a man.

Discuss all concerns together. If you feel insecure, tell your man about it. Believe me, your chosen one has his own personal set of the same ridiculous fears. After all, he, like you, will part with his freedom.

Don't forget about distance. You need to discuss the general, keep your personal. Living together does not mean growing into your chosen one. You must have your own friends, habits, hobbies, and hobbies. The right to privacy is imperative!

It is worth discussing such issues of common life: budget (how will you pay bills, buy groceries), consequences (waste must be discussed, otherwise one day your chosen one will buy a gadget, and you will buy a new dress, but it turns out that your union has more money no), everyday life (share household duties), relations with relatives, etc.

Remember that you must discuss all the simple things without touching on any of the issues, there may be constant disputes in your home. Even improperly laid out laundry can become the cause of disputes.

In no case is it possible!

Issue an ultimatum. It is not worth saying that if you do not live together, it means that your union is doomed to parting. In this case, you should not be sure that your man will not decide in favor of the second option.
If your man has said that he is not ready to live together yet, there is no need to discuss his disagreement many times. There is little hope that his opinion will change. So if something suddenly changes, your chosen one will let you know.
Do not come up with an explanation for the actions of your chosen one. This is a very thankless task, of course, just not if you have the ability to read thoughts from a distance.
Be offended if a man asked to give him some time to think. This time will give you the opportunity to think about whether you need to move in now or is it too early.
Get hung up on the idea that if you come together, your life will be perfect. It is unrealistic to predict this. Our life presents us with a lot of surprises, including unpleasant ones.

Where will you live together?

If the decision to live together has already been made, then it is worth thinking about where you will live. There are a lot of options for solving this issue:

him. You need to make sure that the man really wants you to move, and not just wants to please you. It is not necessary to redo everything in his apartment. It is better to ask him to give you a place for personal belongings.
rent an apartment. This is the best option for starting a life together. You will be in the same position, and therefore you will have to worry together about which curtains to choose, which rugs and pillows will decorate the interior, etc.
the man moves to you. Rearrange all the furniture together so that you each have a place for privacy and things. It is not worth commanding, this is a joint occupation. A man should feel that this is your common home, and he is not just a temporary guest. Change the entry on the answering machine.

How not to lose yourself living together?

Living together is a joyful event in the life of lovers, only after the grinding stage has passed, saturation with your soulmate appears. It was during this period that I want to meet my girlfriends, walk in squares and parks, go shopping with my mother.

And, it would seem, the task is realistic, but then it turns out that your chosen one is against. He does not want to let his beloved go anywhere. Sometimes, the situation develops in the opposite case - a girl is against meeting her man with his friends. So, life together ceases to bring joy. In order to prevent disappointment in living together with your soul mate, you should always remember that each person should have their own personal life and their own interests.

Arrange to meet your best friends at the same time when your man goes to the meeting with his friends. The basic rule is that you should not get carried away with separate walks on an ongoing basis, so that interest in each other does not disappear. Sometimes, it happens that a couple breaks up because one of them went on a spree in the company of his friends, and the quiet family life ceased to interest him.

Remember that the key to living together will be the ability to find compromises with your chosen one, negotiating and avoiding scandals and misunderstandings.

Discuss the question of who will come to visit you. So that there are no problems in the future, that you are tired and want to relax, and at home you will have 100 guests - friends of your man. And then his mother will wield, laying out her son's things, as her heart desires. All these questions may seem trivial to you, but they require discussion.

Many of the couples are faced with the fact that the sexual component is changing. If some people think that sex will start to fade, will worry about how to let the passion fade away, then they are mistaken. After all, there are many simple ways to keep the secret of inaccessibility, impregnating your rapprochement with the passion that is observed during the period of romantic evenings.

Passion will grow with mutual knowledge of each other while living together. Thanks to the understanding and deep knowledge of your partner, you will be able to understand what he loves, what turns him on or, on the contrary, repels him. Your life together will be based on creating opportunities for sex, not spontaneous sex during first dates.

If it seems to you that you are swallowed up by the routine of living together, an excellent option would be to get out of the house and go on vacation out of town. Such a joint weekend will give you a lot of positive emotions.

Remember not to put your interests first. Now you and your man are one. If you put in a lot of effort together, your life together will be filled with joy and shared love. Your life should be comfortable for the two of you, otherwise it cannot be.

You must be willing to share. From now on, there is no separation - "mine" and "yours." Everything is common. Understanding this will allow you to eliminate a lot of unpleasant moments in your life together.

Every woman desperately wants a strong and confident man to be around. But for some reason, when they see such a man, fear awakens inside.

Every woman desperately wants a strong and confident man to be around. So that he can solve all the issues, so that behind him is like a stone wall. So that you can relax, not run anywhere and feel that you are being taken care of. But for some reason, when they see such a man, fear awakens inside.

How to live with a real man?

With a real man, you are often in a minefield. When you go astray, you lose touch with yourself. It becomes dangerous, scary. It's really impossible with him at random, there are mines around. You can only trust - and follow him toe to toe.

With the usual - everything is clear. You know a sample scenario. He does not want to marry, powders his brains. Requires you to work. Can't stand your emotions. Is not responsible. You know what to expect. Ready for what you get. Although at the same time you can be in the illusion that everything will be different. Deep down, you already know where this is going. But you don’t admit it.

And with him you can not be very - even a woman. In some ways - a woman, in some - a man. How convenient! You don't need to change a lot, work with your habits: get better. But you can't get that very female happiness with them. Although comfort is often more convenient for many, it is more profitable and desirable.

And men most often have the potential to develop - in one direction or the other. They are able to behave differently with different women. With someone they immediately take the position of a son, with someone they suddenly spread their wings - and become real men. And the difference between the first and second woman will be in which of them is afraid to be with a real man, and who is not.

In the event that for a woman true masculinity, male energy is terrible and dangerous, she will try to curb the man, make him comfortable. To the detriment of my own dream of a strong shoulder next to me. Because a real man will make decisions that you don't like at first.

A man can really change. Inside each one there is a masculine code that a woman either activates or suppresses. One and the same woman in different years can perform different functions for the same man.

But what about real women?
Many men also avoid feminine women. When the inner man has not matured inside them, who need to be near her. With her, too, it will not work out anyhow. In the event that she is a woman, then she will not reckon with three jobs. She will knit, bake pies and be upset that there is no money. And it's scary with her. You have to be responsible, you have to be a man.

And the girls complain that there are no those who are ready to marry without a civil marriage. That there are no those who will take responsibility. It is not true. They are. There are just few of them. And when you become a woman in the full sense of the word, boys stop coming up to you. They start to fear you. And it seems that now nobody likes you. It is not true. It's just that your prince has not yet reached your kingdom.

And so an interesting thing happens - real women have few fans. But they are weighty. Real men are not seduced by someone who is not clear. They are looking for one who can become their wife and muse. And they are looking not in nightclubs, not on the streets. And in those places where there are good girls. They are not interested in short skirts, necklines and bright makeup. They are looking for a pure soul and a deep look.

True femininity and masculinity are diamond. Not everyone is able to understand its value. Not everyone can become a "Buyer" of such a jewel. Many people are too scared to wear such an adornment and it is better to replace it with bijouterie.

But happiness is always beyond comfort. It is where it is unusual and scary. Where there is development. Where everything becomes as God intended. Where a man is a hunter. Where is the woman - keeps the hearth. Where he is dangerous, and she is wise. Where he performs feats for her sake, and she knows how to accept such love with dignity.

Don't be afraid to go where it is scary. To be afraid is the loss of time and energy, living in a cage of your own comfort.
Love each other, learn to activate the code of masculinity in your partner and the code of femininity in yourself. Teach your children this. And the world will definitely change.

“Isn't it easier to live without a man? I'm so tired of my relationships with men. No matter how hard I try, nothing works. I'm already starting to think: Do I need him at all? Yes, of course you want love and warmth, but ... And if it doesn't work out? Isn't it easier to live without him? Organize your life in an interesting way and give up the thought of meeting love. And is she really there? Betrayal all around ... "

There are not so few women who, despite everything - beauty, intelligence, charm, self-sufficiency, do not develop relationships with the opposite sex. There is no understanding, love and respect. After numerous attempts, someone does not leave the hope of meeting HIM and their attempts, and their efforts only intensify, and someone abandons hope and gets used to being without a man.

So is He needed in a woman's life? Isn't it easier to live without a man?

“All external conflicts reflect internal conflicts.

By settling relations with the people around you, you resolve your internal conflicts, and vice versa, by settling internal conflicts, you cease to conflict in reality.

Any conflict is always polar: the psyche has learned to cope with internal conflicts, displacing the opposite side. When people get closer to each other, the polar side of the conflict begins to exert its influence on relations.

It is impossible to truly resolve your internal conflicts without seeing the two poles. And in these poles, upon closer examination, you will see people close to you from your childhood and from your real relationships. Only by clearly realizing all sides of conflicting desires can you reconcile your conflicting parts. This is the essence of conflict resolution and the ability to build healthy, happy relationships.

You don't even know how many different parts and characters are trying to get along in you. It's like a large communal apartment with different people, where everyone considers himself the owner and tries to impose his own rules of life in the common kitchen. They say that there is neither hell nor heaven after death, hell and heaven exist in the soul of everyone during life.

A relationship with a man is an opportunity to look inside your large communal apartment and see all the owners from different rooms in the face. As they get closer, any relationship begins to grow in breadth and depth, increase the degree of closeness of people to each other, and lead you deeper, awakening fears, unlived pain, plunging you into forgotten suffering.

As the relationship develops, you meet all those parts of yourself that you tried to hide from, which you do not like and do not accept by you.
In the unconscious of your chosen one, his repressed parts also wake up, which neither he nor even you like.

When you meet them, you begin to think that the man deceived you, that he was hiding his real qualities.

The further into the forest, the more firewood. When a man and a woman come closer, everything that has been dormant in the unconscious for years wakes up. In your space, besides the two of you, your parents enter into dialogues. And often you do not answer your husband, but your mother. Your closeness allows you to touch each other's depths.

In real intimacy, what each of you carefully tried to hide, not only from the other, but sometimes also from yourself, is exposed. You will have a meeting not only with what awakens in your depths, but also in the unconscious of your partner. His behavior and features mirror yours, because for some reason this particular man came into your life. You feel a connection with him, which arose quickly enough, hence the feeling - this is my person.

And if in childhood you experienced loneliness, felt an acute lack of love, jealousy, betrayal, your uselessness, humiliation, then in a relationship with a man you will replay all this.

If you manage to change the focus of your view on existing problems and suffering in the relationship, to see the actions of another person in a different light, then your reaction to events and actions will change, and therefore reality too. Your repressed suffering and pain in the depths of the unconscious will cease to shape your reality.

Faced with suffering in relationships and pain, you try to escape from painful feelings, change the man, explain to him what he should stop doing so as not to hurt you. This is how you enter the wrong path, dooming yourself to even greater suffering.

You are trying to change the person in order to feel happy. You can do it for a while, space will give everyone a chance, but if you don’t think about your behavior, actions and continue to live with a sick soul, then suffering and pain are inevitable.

Lessons that have not been learned do not go away from your life; they can be postponed for a while, but not forgotten.

Dooming yourself to a struggle in a relationship, you do not go through the lessons, but skip them - you break up, emotionally isolate yourself, go to work, surround yourself with a large number of people, seize your experiences, plunge into new novels ...

If you do not direct the focus of attention from your partner to yourself, you are running out of your lesson.

You are afraid to be alone with your pain, afraid of loneliness, you find it unbearable to just let the pain be. However, your soul container of pain is very small, its size appropriate for the age of the child. Therefore, having felt the pain, you cannot stand it, rush to immediately throw it out on the offender.

The ability to experience pain and suffering increases after the expansion of the inner space as a result of spiritual growth, where your “I” gains strength. And you find that it is difficult to survive the pain, but it is possible, and then it will not be repeated in your life. Only in this case the ability to step through suffering to other spirals of spiritual development, to come to deep and qualitative changes within oneself appears.

In a relationship with a man, as the relationship develops and progresses, insatiability and hunger for love wakes up, giving rise to dependence and affection for him, declares itself a need for love, attention, tenderness, care and warmth.

And an even greater need is to be the only significant object in a man's life. An adult, self-sufficient woman turns into a hungry little child, who, no matter how hard you give it, will soon need new proofs and manifestations of love again. "
(excerpt from the book: "15 recipes for a happy relationship. No betrayal and betrayal.")

How not to be afraid to fall in love with a man and trust him? Read about it in my book

How to live with a real man?

With the usual - everything is clear. You know an example scenario. He does not want to marry, powders his brains. Requires you to work. Can't stand your emotions. Is not responsible. You know what to expect. Ready for what you get. Although at the same time you can be in the illusion that everything will be different. Deep down, you already know where this is going. But you don’t admit it.

And with him you can not be very much a woman. In some ways - a woman, in some - a man. How convenient! You don't need to change a lot, work with your habits: get better. But you can't get that very female happiness with them. Although comfort is often more convenient for many, it is more profitable and desirable.

If for a woman true masculinity, masculine energy is terrible and dangerous, she will try to curb the man, make him comfortable. To the detriment of my own dream of a strong shoulder next to me. Because a real man will make decisions that you don't like at first.

But what about real women?

Many men also avoid feminine women. When the inner man has not matured inside them, who need to be near her. With her, too, it will not work out anyhow. If she is a woman, then she will not look forward to three jobs. She will knit, bake pies and be upset that there is no money. And it's scary with her. You have to be responsible, you have to be a man.

True femininity and masculinity are diamond. Not everyone is able to understand its value. Not everyone can become a “buyer” of such a piece of jewelry. Many people are too scared to wear such an adornment and it is better to replace it with bijouterie.

Don't be afraid to go where it is scary. To be afraid is the loss of time and energy, living in a cage of your own comfort.
Love each other, learn to activate the code of masculinity in your partner and the code of femininity in yourself. Teach this to your children. And the world will definitely change.

Photo - playcast.ru
Based on materials -

Our ancestors quite rightly believed that it was necessary to live together only after the wedding. Why is it so categorical, isn't it better to test your feelings in everyday life?

Not at all. Firstly, a man will very quickly receive the forbidden fruit, and secondly, he will no longer have to marry - everything suits him anyway, and thirdly, this very life is your main enemy... Are you still determined to move in? Then you need to figure out how to start living together so that from the first days you do not make mistakes that will become fatal for your relationship.

Whose charter for a monastery?

The most difficult thing at the initial stage is to work out the rules of living together. If you grew up in very different families, then it will be very difficult to do this. Your parents lived in perfect harmony, and they found a common language only after high-profile scandals? Ashore, determine that you cannot accept the raising of your voice. At the same time, don't expect coffee in bed in the morning and housework like your dad did. This will help you avoid the first disappointments in your loved one.

Don't claim it completely

If you run a common household, but are not yet married, for his friends and family you are just roommates. This means that in essence he is free. Your informal husband, most likely, is going to lead the old way of life, it will have to be shared with friends and relatives who can unceremoniously burst into your house... Think again well if you are ready for such a life. Share your concerns and expectations with him.

To each his own

Maybe your friend is used to a woman doing everything around the house. There is no need to scandalize and win back your right. Do it smarter. If you have a house, with it every week a gift or a trip to a restaurant. You should receive moral satisfaction and the opportunity to take a break from the labors of the righteous. Also entrust him with the purchase of groceries. Give out the list and send to the store. Carrying heavy bags is a man's business. Be sure to discuss the issue of finance. If the guy doesn't work, reserve the right to manage the money. This will make him get a job faster.

So, starting a life together with a guy, you need to discuss all important issues on the shore: distribute responsibilities, find out the degree of freedom, decide what to do with friends and relatives, and most importantly, decide whether you really need it, because you will face a very powerful a test of feelings, which cannot but affect the relationship. If the guy doesn't want to move in, be happy. This means that he understands that a month, a year, two will pass, and you will be marking time in indecision whether it is worth joining your destinies in marriage.