What is a strong happy family and how to create one. A strong family
From time immemorial, the family was considered the unshakable foundation of society. Today a wedding for any young couple is a joyful event, a holiday, a family's birthday. On September 29, my grandmother, Nina Alekseevna, with her grandfather, Stepan Matveyevich, had an anniversary: an emerald wedding. 55 years together, in sorrow and joy, illness and health, and always in love. If it were possible to convey all the warmth and sincerity, all the tenderness with which the grandfather utters the cherished words: "My dear, my baby." I look at my mother, who, with a happy smile, looks through the photos in our family album, for twenty-five years there have been a lot of them, and all of them are the story of our large and friendly large family (mother and father have four of us). So what is a strong close-knit family?
In order not to disturb my mother, I turn this question to my older sister Nastya, her family experience is two and a half years.
- I think that initially the foundations of a future family for any young person are laid from childhood on the example of relations between parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, relatives. I had a chance to experience a sense of pride, delight and respect when I was a witness at the golden wedding of my grandparents in 2009. Remember, Yulka, how tenderly grandfather held grandma by the hand, with what dignity they listened to the girl's speech in the wedding palace, how anxiously and tenderly grandpa whispered something in grandmother's ear, waltzing around the hall. Even then, I decided that my family would be just as strong. It is so pleasant when you have loved people next to you for so many years, your continuation: children and grandchildren. My husband Andryusha and I understand each other perfectly, half-glance. I wish it was always like this.
Thank you, sister, I discovered one facet of this question. But I'm interested in the point of view of Zhenya's older brother. His family is only one year old.
I think that the strength of the family is based on the ability to overcome difficulties, to get out of difficult situations with dignity, not to lose heart when it seems that the world is crumbling and nothing good will happen. Remember how difficult it was for us when mom was sick. The terrible word oncology entered our house and hung over everyone like a black cloud. You and Dimka wrote letters to mom, tried not to upset, asked Santa Claus not toys, but health for mom. Do you remember how happy my mother's eyes shone when, for the first time after all the tests, my father took us all to Slonim, we again began to travel around Belarus: Mir, Nesvizh, Novogrudok. Tents, a fire, the taste of porridge with smoke, ear ... Our parents went through many difficulties, but they have been together for 25 years. At their silver wedding, many good words sounded from friends, work colleagues, and relatives. And what are the mean papa's tears when Dimka sang a song about the parental home. I think that my wife Tanyusha and I will also walk with dignity through life together. I would like to have the same reliable friends and loved ones around as our parents have.
Zhenya, thank you for your interesting point of view. I'll go up to my younger brother Dima, a 9th grade student. What does he think, how will he answer, he doesn't have his own family?
- Why is there no family, and mom and dad, and grandparents, and all of you? We are all one family, although it consists of several separate married couples. If I need help, I can turn to any of you, and no one will give bad advice, because everyone loves each other and tries to make everyone feel cozy, warm, and comfortable. I think that a strong and friendly family is the one that, like ours, can turn any event into a holiday, into a fairy tale, into a fun journey through life. Who else can play 6 weddings in 2 years: weddings of Nastya and Zhenya, cotton Nastya, silver parents, calico Zhenya, emerald grandparents? All are unlike, like fireworks, like fireworks, like our whole family.
Dimka is also great, he helped to see one more side of the issue.
I look at my mother ... I really want to hear her answer! Mommy, what is a strong friendly family for you?
- You know, daughter, I grew up in a family alone and in my youth I thought that it was a big family, where there are many inquiring children's eyes, trusting faces. Over the years, it seemed to me that a friendly family can be called a family where there is a loyal, reliable person nearby, who is able to understand, help, with whom any adversity seems to be a trifle. Now I know that a strong family is when we leave our parents, children leave us as adults, but everyone wants to get together more often, share their joys and sorrows, victories and defeats, problems, find a common solution, just communicate, breathing each other. Our doors are always open, our hearts are beating in unison, and it is such happiness when there are living parents, happy children and the hope to see and raise grandchildren.
Thank you, my dear ones, I have received a comprehensive answer. You are all right, each in its own way. It seems to me that our family is the best illustration of all strong, friendly, healthy families. That is why in May we took part in the thematic evening "Look into the Family Album" dedicated to the International Family Day.
The family is the basis of the foundations, the most important brick in the foundation of the state. May all the families of my beloved Belarus be strong and friendly, like ours!
It is impossible to derive a single "formula" for a happy marriage, since each of us has our own idea of happiness. Nevertheless, psychologists have identified the main signs that allow one to draw conclusions about how strong and reliable a marriage is.
Of course, no rules can give the 100th guarantee of eternal happiness, and yet, those couples whom they are well acquainted with have much more chances to live together to a ripe old age.
And how many signs of a happy marriage are there in your family?
"I" or "WE"?
You often say "WE" about yourself, but at the same time you do not forget about your own "I". In fact, it is not so easy to create a family alliance without losing your individuality. It is very important to find a middle ground between "WE" and "I", i.e. on the one hand - not to become isolated, and on the other - not to dissolve in another person, completely subordinating to him all your feelings and desires. This implies that everyone can have their own affairs and hobbies, but at the same time, the other half should not feel that your interests are more important and dear to you than your family.
Weather in the house
If your family has an optimistic atmosphere, then you are striving to make your home a psychological "fortress" for both. Whatever happens outside the door of your house, you try to protect yourself from external negativity and not let it into your family. Your small world and its microclimate are invulnerable and no one will be able to darken the “weather” in your home. You are simply closed to all ill-wishers, and third-party problems cannot affect your relationship.
Family traditions
Nothing unites and strengthens the marriage union like family traditions. It doesn't matter if you follow the traditions of your parents or they originated in the course of your life together. The most important thing is that you both like them. If a family has its own traditions and customs, it means that it has not only a rich past, but also a prospect for a joint future.
There are no secrets!
Friendly laugh
Do you often have to laugh at the same thing? A big plus if both partners find the same moments funny. This means that they are united by a common outlook and the same perception of the world around them. If you kindly poke fun at each other, it means that there is an open and trusting relationship between you. Quite another thing is sarcasm, irony and ridicule. In a friendly family - they have no place!
General priorities
If you dream of a child, and your spouse sees happiness in living only for himself; you strive for professional growth, and your husband insists that you quit your job altogether - this suggests that you have fundamentally different life values. Which one of you is right doesn't matter. The polarity of views will inevitably lead to serious conflicts, which means that such a marriage is doomed. Constant struggle and defending one's opinion will gradually destroy even the most vivid feelings. Building a strong family is possible only with someone who shares your life priorities. Of course, minor disagreements do not count, you cannot do without them! But in general, the system of life values should coincide.
Willingness to donate
Let's make a reservation right away that we are talking exclusively about victims on a voluntary basis, when you yourself are ready to sacrifice something important for the pleasure of a loved one. Actually, when creating a family, a person should be ready for some donations and at the same time not take it as a feat. Another question is if you have to give in under ultimatum compulsion: “Make your choice! I or ... ". Such sacrifices do not strengthen the family.
Overcoming difficulties
Happy is the family in which, in difficult moments, the spouses can unite, charge each other with the presence of spirit, and provide mutual support. In families where there is only a semblance of well-being, everything is different. At the very first more or less difficult situation, mutual accusations, reproaches, a search for the guilty begin, and with the emergence of serious problems, such a marriage collapses altogether.
Ability to negotiate
The indicator of a successful marriage is not at all in the absence of disagreements (such families simply do not exist), but in a mutual desire to resolve conflicts peacefully. In order to painlessly get out of a conflict situation, not so much is needed: to hear another person, to understand his point of view, to try to get into his position, not to offend each other during a quarrel. In a word, not only to defend your innocence, but also to look for a way to solve the problem.
Mutual caring and respect
Love, passion, attraction - all this is wonderful! But only mutual respect can truly hold a marriage together. It starts with little things - not allowing oneself to criticize in public (including in the presence of children), not humiliating with constant jealousy and control, loyally treating the interests and hobbies of a partner.
Mutual support and care is perhaps one of the strongest motivations for marriage. It is important that the word MUTUAL - was key, i.e. care that you not only receive, but also give. According to psychologists, caring for a partner causes reciprocal gratitude and generates a number of emotions that contribute to rapprochement and strengthening of relationships.
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The value of the Family in a person's life is invaluable. There are certain principles or laws that must be followed in order to have healthy family relationships, strong family ties, and for the family to be meaningful in everyone's life. Let's talk about a healthy and strong family.
Indeed, the family plays an important role in the life of every person. From childhood and sometimes until the very last moment of his life, a person spends in his family. And almost every person has their own tasks in creating a family in order to develop the experience that he needs.
The role of the family in a person's life
The role of the family in a person's life is great. Hardly anyone will doubt its meaning. Every person in this life is someone: a son, daughter, mother or father.
It is in the family that a person feels his integrity, his completeness. The family gives a person a sense of resilience, comfort and personal development. And if family relationships are built on understanding, mutual respect and love, such a family becomes stable, giving the joy of living.
Each person has their own tasks in this life. One can live in a full-fledged healthy and strong family, where there is a father, mother, grandparents. And someone has a task - to live in an incomplete family, where, for example, there is a mother, but no father, and vice versa.
All this is based on the tasks and experience of the Soul, and it is through such families that the Soul gains the new experience that it needs.
Family bonds
What does family ties mean? Well, now they got married, and it seems like a man should raise money, and a woman should take care and maintain comfort in the house. However, in such a material respect, development is proceeding little.
It seems like there is wealth, and there are expensive things in the family, but this is all an external shell, and there is practically no development as such. In other words, the material side is important, but it shouldn't come first.
The first place in the family should always be the spiritual side, care, respect and love. Then the development in the family will be accelerated (both material and spiritual), in addition, happiness and joy will come and linger in this family. Family ties will be strong and the family healthy.
For family ties to be strong, a couple needs to know one simple thing. If a man thinks only of material things and does not show love for his wife, then the woman will always have little money that he brings to the family.
Everyone knows how insatiable wives are, they are not enough and not enough. Already the husband is nervous, or even begins to drink.
And here a woman needs to show herself in love and respect for her husband, to realize that he is the main one, he is a breadwinner and protector. In a strong and healthy family, there must be mutual respect and love for each other. Otherwise, there is an imbalance in relationships, abuse and divorce.
Why were there strong family ties before? And because the wife respected, respected and loved her husband, and he, in turn, created the necessary conditions for the family.
Of course, there was a fear of God and of her husband, but in order to preserve family ties, this was a necessity at that time. Now the manifestation of fear is replaced by love and respect, and then the family will turn out to be harmonious and stable in the same way. That is how great the importance of love and respect in the family and in the life of any person.
In family ties, hierarchy is important, that is, the husband is the eldest. However, sometimes a woman takes on such a dominant role, and thereby she earns herself and her family big problems and karmic debts.
The family should not have claims to each other, but there should be support, mutual understanding, love and mutual concession. Thus, the family egregor will be strengthened.
Each family can develop only for good and good. If there is no such good in the family, there is no good relationship, then such a family will be unhappy, it will have many problems, alcoholism, infidelity and illness, a lot of all kinds of diseases.
Healthy and strong family
We discussed the role and importance of the family in a person's life, but what is a prosperous, healthy and strong family?
The word well-being is usually associated with material well-being, that if there is material wealth, then everything is fine in the family.
However, this is often not the case at all, and even if there is material well-being in the family, there is no warmth, spiritual closeness in these families, and there is no love that creates real well-being in the family.
And therefore, above all, in a healthy and strong family, mutual respect and love should exist.
And then what - the child grows up and no longer wants to share with his parents what he has in his Soul. And the child moves away from the parents, and they move away from him.
And in a family it is so easy to manifest love for each other, give it to your family members and do all things on love.
Why, when the family was just in its infancy, was there a love relationship, and then love went somewhere? And people live in a family like neighbors, satiated with each other, and even leave their families.
But still, it is not by chance that people meet and create families, which means that they must develop their own experience in living together. Love does not disappear, you just need to constantly support it and take care of each other.
This is what a person needs in a healthy and strong family. He needs to gain a bright and good experience through the constant manifestation of care, support and love. This is the human task in this life.
There is a commandment to honor your father and mother, because this is the basis of the family. If there is no respect, no care and no attention to your parents, all this will affect the family, and even the children.
What is the foundation of a healthy and strong family? And these are relationships at the level of the Soul. Sometimes they say about people: “They live Soul in Soul” - this is a manifestation of respect, support and love for each other.
And then such a strong family thrives, and harmony reigns in it.
Any family that wants to be prosperous in every sense of the word should be built on love and mutual respect. When a person simply loves and shows care, without demanding anything in return, spiritual unity takes place through such a manifestation of the Soul.
And such a family helps a person develop, develop a bright positive experience and create a spiritual matter of light in the Soul - this is exactly what a person was born for on this Earth.
As often happens, we "wear" happy smiles only for family photos. And in the whirlwind of life's bustle, we don't even realize how important our loved ones are.
A strong family is not so simple!
There are times when we feel an urgent need to communicate with family... And sometimes we prefer to minimize contact with loved ones. In certain situations, we turn off the mobile without much remorse when the mother's number is displayed on its screen. After all, we know perfectly well what questions she will ask: "How was your day?", "What did you cook for dinner?" and the eternal "When are you coming to see me?"
And she calls just when we have absolutely no time or desire to talk. But there are days (especially in difficult moments or if we are away from loved ones) when we are ready to give a lot, if only, as if by one wave of a magic wand, return to childhood, to my mother's arms.
A strong family in our time
There is an opinion that the modern family is no longer the family that was decades ago. Relationships between loved ones, attitudes and values have changed. More and more often, for example, husbands stay late at work and not always with the aim of earning more money, but often in order to. .. "run away" from the family!
On the other hand, according to psychologists, never before has our connection with loved ones been as strong as in modern times. We don't even realize how important family ties are to us.
It depends on the family whether we are happy or not. This was proved by American psychologists by conducting a study in two groups of people: one - people with strong family ties, the second - lonely.
The result speaks for itself - those who were brought up in a large strong family, and now are fully happy and do not want to change anything. Lonely people also said that they were happy, but when asked what they would like to change in their life, all as one answered: "A lot!" Why is family so important to a person's personal happiness?
Where our family supports us
In everyday life, we do not even think about what family means to us, and what is this amazing bond that even the strongest friendship cannot replace. Very often (especially on the eve of family holidays) a strange but strong desire awakens in us to see those in whose veins the same blood flows as in ours.
If now your relationship with loved ones (parents, relatives) is not the best, you, without hesitation, object: "I don't need a family!" You are financially independent, you solve your problems yourself, and you can always ask your friend for advice. This is true.
But have you ever wondered to whom you owe all of this? Most likely the family you grew up in. How each of us learned from childhood certain family traditions, values and principles. This is the capital that we use in an independent adult life, spend and replenish it in order to pass it on to our children.
Strong family - where they help each other
Think for a couple of minutes about why you can't live without your loved ones.- parents and relatives ... You are not alone with them. It doesn't matter if your loved ones live in the same city as you, or at the end of the world. You don't have to see each other three times a week. They just exist - and this is the main thing. And you know what they think of you too. But don't forget that communication is also very important. Call, write letters, visit each other whenever possible.
You can count on them. All people make mistakes, and your loved ones are no exception. Everything happens in life, and sometimes even the most dear people can offend us greatly. But have you ever wondered what you would do without your brother, who is always ready to fix the tap in your apartment? Or without your sister, who taught you how to apply makeup many years ago, and then from A to Z organized your wedding? How would you manage to combine motherhood with work, if not for your mother? Without the help of a strong family, many things would not have been possible in life.
The family will always help with advice. You can count on the help of your family not only in everyday matters and worries. There are moments when you have to make important life decisions and cannot do without wise advice.
You can be sure of one thing - your loved ones will not deceive you, because your happiness is important to them. Their opinions may differ from yours, but they are sincere and selflessly in love with you.
A strong family will teach you how to give love
Have you ever wondered why you like so much to give your tenderness to children? Why do you want to say "I love" to your husband? Because this behavior was taught to you by your parents, relatives, your whole family. Before falling in love in adulthood, you need to learn to love as a child. And we learn this in our father's house.
Later, love goes with us through life, we pass it on to our children, and they give it to us and pass it on to their offspring. And our grandchildren then give it to us doubly.
Loved ones motivate to take action. Sometimes it is scary to make an important decision, you hesitate, do not dare to act. If you tell your loved ones about this, they will definitely listen to you and try to give good advice. And the conversation itself will already bring relief.
After all, almost every day, since childhood, parents are constantly raising our "bar". Sometimes we manage to jump over it, and sometimes we do not. But it is not the results that are important here, but the jump itself. It is the family that motivates us to action, growth, development.
Loved ones form the image of our own family. From home we take out an example of the “social unit”. If your parents and grandparents lived in a happy marriage, their union will serve as a model for you to create your own family. You will do everything so that your marriage is successful, and the children can then remember pleasant moments in the family circle - just like you.
"A friendly family is a strong family."
Parable: “A long time ago there was a family in which there were 100 people, but there was no agreement between them. They are tired of quarrels and strife. And so the family members decided to turn to the sage to teach them how to live in harmony. The sage listened attentively to the petitioners and said: "No one will teach you to live happily, you yourself must understand what you need for happiness, write what you want your family to be." This huge family gathered for a family council and they decided that the family should be friendly, it is necessary to relate to each other, adhering to these qualities ... ".
The family is built on trust and love, on mutual respect and understanding. All these are components of a strong foundation for a family - family values. These are the common interests of the whole family. We are not born with them, family values are not inherited, they cannot be bought, but you can only acquire and cherish them all our lives, cherish them like the apple of our eye.
My family consists of 8 people. I work in the kindergarten "Sun" as a teacher. My husband works as a driver. We have two adorable girls who attend the same kindergarten where I work. My mother-in-law is a teacher by education, and for several years she worked as a kindergarten teacher. At the moment, he is retired working in an ice rink. Two more brothers, a husband and a daughter-in-law, live with us. One brother serves, and the other recently arrived from the army. The daughter-in-law is a hairdresser by profession. I believe that we have a very large and friendly family.
Our family lives under the motto "A friendly family - a strong family". WITHThe family as the main element of society has been and remains the keeper of spiritual and moral values, national culture. Thanks to the family, the state grows stronger and develops, the well-being of the people grows. A strong, large family should become a reference phenomenon in society.
We are from Dagestan. And many people know that Dagestan is a peculiar and unique region where all nationalities (and there are more than 40 of them) have learned to live as one family, where for many centuries their spiritual values have been developed, the culture and the education system of the younger generation have been formed. This system is based on traditions and adats that have existed for millennia. And our family also has such traditions.
One of the first ancient traditions of our family is to give a newborn baby a name. The name, as a rule, is given to the newborn by the eldest in the family.Newborn children in our family are named with the names of deceased ancestors precisely on the paternal side, but if at the right moment the free name of the ancestors is not found or there were several of them, there were various ways of choosing a name. In particular, boys are named after the Muslim name of the month in which he was born, and names in honor of the prophets are also common. And the girls are given the names of the wives of the prophets.In the case of frequent deaths of children in a family, they usually give special names that deceive evil spirits who mortally harm children. So my children were named by my mother-in-law in honor of the great-grandmother and her paternal sister.
The rallying of our entire clan into one large family is facilitated by such folk traditions as the celebration of the first furrow, the festival of flowers, the festival of collecting cherries and others. A fire is also kindled, and the whole family, up to the very old people, jump over them, hoping to be freed from sins, diseases, hardships and troubles of the old year being seen off.Children, jumping over the fires, loudly shout: "I myself am down, and my sins are up," go around the village with bags, collecting gifts.
Another tradition that was passed on to me from my mother-in-law, and from her mother-in-law to her, is carpet weaving and knitting. To this day, we can sit with her in the evenings and knit socks with multi-colored patterns.
Many different traditions, customs and rituals were collected by our great-grandfathers. Our parents strictly followed these established traditions and customs. Our current generation, however, does not follow these rules so strictly. We are not aware of many traditions, but we also honor and try to observe some of them.
And also my daughter and I took part in the family festival "Family, Ugra, Russia". It was very interesting and enticing to participate in the competition.Taking part in festivals, we danced the Lezginka dance. Lezginka is a dance that has passed through the centuries, passing from father to son, from mother to daughter. Today anyone who has a desire can master it.Since childhood, I went to a dance club, and now I have taught my daughter some movements. Having participated in this competition, we received a winner's diploma, which made us very happy.The revival of lost family values can lead to the revival of society, because having a family, a person has a reliable rear, he has an urgent need to take care of his family, his children.
And I also really love this family tradition of ours: to give poems of my own composition on my birthday. We have a common family album, which is updated every year with new wishes. When I leaf through mine, my whole life passes before my eyes. At the age of one, my mother wanted me to run with her legs as soon as possible; at three, my father wrote comic poems about how I first saddled a bicycle. At ten, when I was actively involved in athletics, my grandfather wished me to become an Olympic champion. Reading such poetic congratulations from loved ones is always a little touching and joyful, because once again you understand how your relatives love you. I am sure that there is no strong family that does not have its own family traditions and values. They help us believe in the continuity of life and the triumph of love. My husband and I really love our children as they are, as we bring them up. For this, they try to become even better. I think that time will pass, and we, as parents, will be proud of our children. It will be gratitude for our hard parenting work.
We all carry a certain "baggage" out of parental families. Our ancestors pass on to us their experience, knowledge and beliefs regarding any area of family life: when and with whom to marry, whom to marry, how many children should be, how to raise them, how to deal with teenagers, how to make a living, what kind of work is the most the best, how to measure success, how to cope with crisis, loss, trauma and tragedy, how to face old age with dignity.