Who beats his child. I hit my child: what to do? Sincere conversation on a difficult topic
Our so long-awaited, insanely adorable Lyalechka is now 1 and 4 ... Somehow, as I began to think about something, it was a little bit - I do not realize it myself, and she did not understand that I was so angry .. Then more often, then on the priest, when it turns out, does not allow to put on, then on the hands, if grabbed, something unauthorized ...
All from time to time, somehow not particularly conscious .... Further, more ... At one point I suddenly realized that these "rare" little things suddenly became very frequent ... I began to purposefully fight with myself ... I was terribly upset, until depression, when she broke down ... Moreover, the child's behavior became a natural consequence of my - she began to fight, beat me, the cat, the sofa, everything that came to hand, even myself ... (good mother brought the child to auto-aggression)
In the last couple of weeks, somehow everything worked out well for me - I did not hit her even once, I tried to calmly react to her behavior - suppressing, distracting, diverting attention ...
This morning, the little one got up in some very whiny mood. Sometimes it happens that I can very badly tolerate this, I get irritated, then I try to double control of myself .. Today, there was no accumulated irritation, I reacted with humor to her whims ... Then, I got food from the refrigerator, she didn’t she let me drip there, she was crying, I didn’t pay attention, I turned away, and she reached out and grabbed a mug of milk from the table and ran, I followed her, grabbed her, she naturally threw the mug, and I slapped her in the face with all my might ... ..: - (((((
Then, of course, she grabbed her in her arms, consoled ... In general, she was shocked by her reaction ...
In general, such a terrible disappointment with myself has accumulated in me ... When I sat in hobbyists for so many years, I thought I would be the most wonderful mother in the world, I prepared myself, I actually read good books, collected manuals on how to deal with a child ... As a result, everything was killed by routine ... to go and play purposefully with the child, not to mention the development, so it is necessary to make a huge effort on yourself ... I sometimes became so indifferent, apathetic, she sometimes has such a hysterical mood, whining without ceasing, and I don't even pay attention ...
in general, the complex of a bad mother with all the consequences ... sometimes, it seems to me that it would be better for her with someone else (we adopted our lyalechka, she has been with us since 5 months), which may be why God did not give us his children that I am not capable of raising a normal child ...
She is my sun, my treasure, I love her even more than my husband ... but I am so afraid that I will ruin her with my quirks, because I will be guilty if an aggressive person grows out of her ...
These are the things ... I began with self-flagellation, ended with self-pity ... And I understand that nothing will change by itself. you need to forgive yourself, find strength and live on, the old become better ...
I understand that being a mother also needs to study, theory is good here, but practice still brings its own surprises ... I am only very afraid that while I am studying, no matter how I miss her, I am afraid to "educate myself" ... so I want she grew up happy, self-confident, calm, harmonious inside ... not like me ...
Some will be surprised and find this question very strange, because it is common knowledge that physical punishment is not the best disciplinary strategy.
Nevertheless, some parents are still of the opinion that raising with a whip is much more effective than the now popular education with a carrot. It is necessary to figure out where the line is that separates reasonable punishment and unjustified cruelty.
The question of whether to beat a child or not, as a rule, appears to parents when their beloved baby turns two or three years old.
During this age period, the formation of personality takes place, and the baby also absorbs various information, arm himself with new skills and studies the limits of what is permitted.
Obviously, this process of growing up must be accompanied by various troubles, since the child learns the world through trial and error. He studies and tests literally everything, and such behavior often poses a danger to children's health.
It is only natural that every parent tries to protect the baby from various traumatic situations. It is also clear that when such cases arise, moms and dads are overwhelmed with bright and strong emotions.
In addition, children at the age of three enter a special crisis period when stubbornness, despotism, negativism, obstinacy, and willful "notes" appear in their behavior. Some babies become completely uncontrollable at all.
Adolescents who are prone to egocentrism, maximalism and a tendency to manipulative actions do not differ in exemplary behavior.
That is why infrequent outbursts of anger and a desire to spank their beloved child in their hearts visit even the most loving and maximally liberal parents. And this is quite normal, but there are situations when the desire to punish a child physically can be considered something abnormal.
Other reasons for using corporal punishment
Statistics show that the overwhelming majority of domestic parents admitted that in childhood, parents used physical punishment against them.
Moreover, 65% of all respondents are still fully confident that the use of such strict disciplinary measures by their parents did only good for them, therefore, corporal punishment is rarely used against their children.
What are the sources of such ambiguous parenting decisions?
- Family traditions. Some adults can take out their own childhood grievances and complexes on their child. Moreover, moms and dads do not even perceive other methods of persuasion and education, believing that a cuff and a good word can achieve more than just a good word.
- Unwillingness to educate or lack of time. As already noted, upbringing is a complex process, so some parents find it much easier to hit a child than to have long conversations with him, proving him wrong.
- Parental helplessness. Adults grab the strap out of despair and a banal lack of knowledge about how to cope with a naughty or unruly child.
- Own insolvency. Sometimes parents hit a child in the butt just because they need to take out their anger for their own failures on someone. Any child's offense becomes a reason to break loose and "come off" the baby for his problems at work or in his personal life.
- Mental instability. Some mums and dads need strong emotions. They get them when they shout, beat children for nothing. Then, fueled by strong emotions, the parent who beat the child cries with him.
Thus, there are many reasons for using harsh disciplinary measures. And those who think that only alcoholic parents or other asocial personalities are fond of such educational methods are wrong. It remains to understand why such measures are undesirable.
Why can't you beat a child?
Fortunately, many adults who use physical punishment on children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.
However, even a light hit (especially on the head) can harm the child's body. And the younger the child, the more serious the consequences. Moreover, many of them are invisible to the layman.
If you do not take into account the already very serious cases of violence against children in the family, you can find a huge number of parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment.
They are convinced that it is possible to hit a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but they give a good educational effect.
However, such moms and dads forget that punishment can affect not only the physical but also the psychological level.
- Unwanted body contact (spanking, poking, shaking, strapping) violates the child's personality boundaries. He does not develop the ability to defend the limits of his "I". That is, other people's opinions, words will be too important for a grown-up person.
- A basic trust in the world is built on the basis of the relationship with the mother and father. Violence from the closest person becomes the cause of distrust towards people, which negatively affects socialization.
- Constant spanking makes the child feel humiliated, which is fraught with a drop in self-esteem. And this can already lead to the loss of such important qualities as initiative, perseverance, self-respect and perseverance.
- The battering parent sets an example of aggressive behavior. A child who has faced the cruelty of a father or mother believes that conflicts must be resolved with the help of force, threat and other aggressive acts.
- If children are flogged, they begin to divide all people into “victims” and “aggressors”, and subconsciously choose the appropriate role for themselves. Female victims marry aggressive representatives of the stronger sex, while male abusers will suppress their wives and children through threats or physical violence.
Corporal punishment does not affect the cause of disobedience and is short-lived. At first, the fear of being slapped is present, but then the child adapts and continues to play on the parental nerves.
The opinion of American scientists
The truth that childhood experiences affect the future life is familiar to everyone. Physical violence from loved ones is a common factor in the onset of psychoemotional abnormalities and neurological diseases in adulthood.
Scientists from the United States studying the consequences of the use of physical punishment for educational purposes cite some shocking data. So, people who were regularly slapped and slapped on the head had reduced intellectual abilities.
In especially severe cases, it was even about mental and physical disorders, since the centers responsible for processing and storing information, speech and motor functions were seriously damaged.
In addition, according to the same American scientists, children undergoing corporal punishment are more prone to vascular disease, diabetes, arthritis and other equally serious diseases when they grow up.
Also, adolescents whose childhood was marred by parental aggression are more likely to become drug addicts, alcoholics and criminals. They also adopt a brutal parenting style and transfer it to their own children. That is, a kind of vicious circle is formed in which aggression generates cruelty.
It should be noted, however, that this work was criticized by other experts. Some scientists considered that there were certain inflections in the presented data. For example, the researchers did not bother to divide into groups sadistic parents and those moms and dads who occasionally use light corporal punishment.
That is why it is extremely difficult to judge whether spanking and slapping can really backfire with mental impairment or heart problems in adulthood.
Refusal to use physical "arguments" in communication with a child does not mean that it is worth completely abandoning disciplinary action as an effective measure.
If a child has committed a truly serious offense, adults must take certain steps. Otherwise, rare cases of inappropriate behavior can become a mass phenomenon, which will be extremely difficult to combat.
What is the right way to punish?
What is it for a child? The pediatrician talks about this, as well as about how to replace the computer.
Well, the highest parental "aerobatics" is the ability to anticipate conflict situations. First of all, you need to understand that the main source of bad behavior is the desire to attract the attention of adults. If you begin to communicate with your child more often, the number of whims and misconduct will immediately decrease.
Alternative Measures Don't Work: What To Do?
Many parents, reading such advice, begin to think that the authors live in some kind of parallel or ideal reality, in which the child is always obedient, and the mother is always calm and balanced.
Of course, there are situations when requests, persuasions, explanations are not able to help with calming down and bringing into a normal emotional state a stubborn or rebellious child.
In such a situation, according to some experts, a light slap can switch attention and become a kind of psycho-emotional outburst inhibitor. Naturally, the strength of the spank must be controlled (as well as your mental state).
In addition, corporal punishment (in this case, we are not talking about flogging) is not excluded if:
- childish behavior poses a direct threat to the life and health of the little bully (sticking fingers into sockets, playing with fire, moving towards the road, approaching the edge of a cliff, etc.);
- the child has gone over absolutely all the limits of what is permitted, clearly trying to piss you off, and he does not react to other disciplinary measures and may even behave inappropriately (see the previous point).
After a light slap, it is imperative to explain what the punishment followed, how to behave correctly. Do not forget to also say that you do not like the act, and not the child itself. You still love him.
Parents in the studio!
Curious what moms and dads themselves think about this? As is usually the case with parenting, opinions vary widely. Some parents are convinced that whipping and the usual spanking on the butt is a very effective method of disciplinary action.
Like, they beat them with rods for the faults of our ancestors, and nothing - they grew up no worse than the others.
Other adults oppose any forceful influences in relation to the child, believing that the best way of upbringing are conversations, explanations, stories and illustrative examples. Here are the specific statements of the parents.
Anastasia, expectant mother:“And I often hit the pope: both with a belt and with a palm. And nothing - everything is fine. Now I myself think that if the conversation does not help, you can use force. But not to beat, of course, but just lightly on a soft spot. The child needs to be hit on the bottom from time to time if he does not understand normal words. "
Christina, mother of two-year-old Yaroslav:“In my childhood, they often beat me with a belt, I still take offense at my mother. She still thinks that if she beat the child, then there are no problems. I firmly decided that I would not spank my kids. And I try to solve all difficulties with my son without a belt and flip flops. I try to negotiate, although it is still small. Quiet conversations seem to work. "
Of course, it's up to you to decide which parenting methods apply specifically to your child. However, it should be understood that the laying of the personality occurs from early childhood, and it depends on the parents what the current baby will take into the future life.
Many experts oppose physical punishment, giving reasoned enough examples of why you shouldn't beat your children. Perhaps their reasoning will help you decide which is better - a stick or a carrot.
Ask a psychologist
My son is 1.5 years old. He is, in principle, a calm boy. But sometimes I just have a feeling of anger and hatred towards him, even if he did nothing of the kind. I start hitting him in the face, hands. Just. After 5 minutes I feel remorse and cry for a long time, scolding myself for it. I beg your pardon, I kiss him. He is all red, crying in a chow. I leave him alone for several days, but then again. I don’t drink, I’m not a drug addict, he just whimpers and I start slapping him in the face. If my husband finds out, he'll just kill me. He can rarely raise his voice to his son, and then only when he plays a lot. And I just start hitting. I sit and cry. I do not need your condemnations, I need help. Mom and Dad never beat me, Dad left us, I was 8 years old, now I am 26. My husband loves me, my son. In principle, no one has ever hit me. The child was not very desirable for me, but my husband really wanted, for his sake and left. Maybe that's why I have breakdowns of aggression? There are no special problems with money in the family either. Help, please !!!
Psychologists' Answers
Olga, apparently the child is "transferred" feelings that are not intended for him. Perhaps you "throw out" on the child something that really should be addressed to your husband or someone else. If you want to figure it out, work with a psychoanalyst.
Pyotr Yuryevich Lizyaev - help of a medical psychologist, psychoanalyst in Moscow
Good answer 3 Bad answer 0Hello Olga! let's see what's going on:
You ask for help, which means you yourself realize that there is something inside you that prevents you from feeling like a mother, who can give your child a sense of security, you want to understand and help yourself and your child - no one can blame you for this. The main thing is that you do not stop on your way, but start working on yourself, and realizing that if it is difficult and difficult for you, and the child suffers, then you can protect him even from yourself!
sometimes I just have a feeling of anger and hatred towards him, even if he did nothing of the kind. I start hitting him in the face, hands. Just. After 5 minutes I feel remorse and cry for a long time, scolding myself for it. I beg your pardon, I kiss him. He is all red, crying in a chow. I leave him alone for several days, but then again.
often such behavior says that you are facing something inside yourself that you cannot cope with, there is a child nearby - in him you can see the source of your feelings, and projecting your feelings onto him, accusing him of these feelings coming to you - you and pour this stream on him. BUT - this suggests that the reason is NOT OUTSIDE, but inside! You need to understand what you are facing inside yourself, what is happening, what kind of situations these are - perhaps you do not feel comfortable in the role of a mother and start to get lost, you start to get angry WITH YOURSELF, BUT it’s hard to admit to yourself, that's why it happens again projection onto the child.
BUT - this behavior forms the image of a mother for the child UNSAFE - and the longer it goes on like this, the more unhealthy the relationship will develop between you. Therefore, you need to understand what inside of you you are losing control of, WHAT you begin to feel alone with the child (after all, such a reaction of aggression suggests that at this time you DO NOT feel like an ADULT, capable of giving protection, rather a little girl who herself cannot to cope with something inside yourself) - therefore, you have to work ON YOURSELF - observing yourself, realizing your feelings, meeting yourself, working with the position ADULT-CHILD PARENT, returning a sense of control over yourself, changing patterns of behavior a difficult path, BUT there is NO other way - everything will not be corrected by itself, but only get worse and you will run away from yourself even more - therefore you need to stop! start working on yourself!
The child was not very desirable for me, but my husband really wanted, for his sake and left.
Perhaps then you did not feel that you were ready for the role of a mother - and now you are faced with this feeling of helplessness within yourself. You can blame the child, the husband for this feeling, because you are afraid to meet yourself. You need to understand - what are you so afraid of as a mother, what situations in communication with a child frustrate you and be sure to talk with your husband - you will need support from him too! be sure to start working with a psychologist - ONLY VERY! since such problems involve deep work and only in the format of full-time work can you immerse yourself in yourself, and the psychologist will be able to guide you. You have already taken one step - you were able to write and admit to yourself that this problem exists - then you CAN go further! go ....
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Said): 09.04.2014 07:57
I beat my child ...
I beat my child, I began to notice that I do this already often, I beat him for the fact that he starts yelling, it annoys me when he yells !!! When he was just born to me and in my thoughts there was no time to hit him, but for some reason this my opinion was turned off when they asked me if you hit your child, I answered NO YOU WHAT? .. he was 5 months old at that time his first tooth was at home alone and did not understand why he was screaming so much all night, etc ... then I slapped him on the butt, this was the very first time, once I slapped him myself, I was scared, the child was scared 100 times ... after I stopped doing this, I can’t understand why I was influenced by these words that you can beat children ... that my friends beat their children; their children are alive and well, which means that everything will be fine with mine ... then it became a habit ... as soon as he started to annoy me, I spanked him on the butt at first it was all only one spank then three at a time, when he was a year old we moved to a new apartment, he thrust his hands into the socket, I talked to him, explained that it was impossible, I was advised to just slap him on the hands ... and I spanked very hard his hands were red I told him so the current hits, then he began to annoy me forever to climb somewhere, he did it so he looked at me laughed, he played with me and did not understand that it was dangerous and it annoyed me, then at a visit he was already 1.4 and began to show off in front of other children, gracefully waved my hand away when I fed him, for this I hit him hard on the hands and yelled at him with obscenities, he did not want to go to the shower to swim because he wanted to go for a walk outside, when I dragged him into the shower, then he fell to the floor and yelled like crazy, for that I hit him hard on the butt, when he yells, I can't control myself, it freaks me out, I become a demon, I just want to kill him, throw him out, hit him so that he shut up, I I start to hate him, yelling at him with the very last, and this often happens once a week, but in the summer it was more often, it also affects me that if someone next to my friends punishes their children, then for some reason I start to think that I should do this too ... tonight he slept yelling in sleep, and kicked me ... I hugged him, shook him, calmed him down, but he did not calm down continued to kick me ... in the end it pissed me off, I beat him on the legs with my hand so badly that my hand now hurts, covering his mouth with her hand spoke with mats stop yelling, threw him to the other end of the sofa ... I think it's time for me to be treated or I will soon kill him ... the son is a planned child and not just an airborne pregnancy, but when I was pregnant, my husband took out my brain with his whims, mocked me, pushed, threw one with bags when they went from the store in winter, constantly argued, scandalized it all started when I got pregnant, when I gave birth to a child, there were complications, the child began to die, as a result, they caesar me, my biggest dream was to give birth myself, but I did not succeed for which I really fell into depression ... when they brought me a child, I did not like him, but I did not understand why I had such a feeling that it was not my but someone else's child ... and it was like that for three months I did not perceive him as my own but I strictly performed all duties breastfeeding (up to two years) I work with him, hired masseuses, went swimming, read fairy tales to him from his first birthday to this day, I play, I joke with him, I always love him very much, very much like my mother , from the age of 1.2 I began to take him to the development center and at home I study with him myself, I teach everything geometry, modeling, letters, draw together, teach him everything, he is the smartest, kind, he has been helping me for only 2 years he already knows a lot that others do not know, for my part I adore him, but when he starts yelling, I become a demon and start hitting and throwing him. What's wrong with me ... maybe it's time to go crazy ... I need help, advice and not just chatter !!! I need to figure out how to cope with myself at the moment when he yells.
Sorry for writing so much, I can’t have more than two years already, no one understands and does not want to listen, for the same mistakes, sorry.
There are a lot of answers there, I chose one, if you want to fully see here
ivezha. ru / threads / 3960
look for wings. (with)
Said): 04.05.2014 14:43
On the question of how to learn to restrain ...
Personally, I didn’t beat the child, but I often put pressure on me mentally, made me cry ... this is bad. I realized that I was flooded with blind anger and I was just pouring some of my emotions onto my daughter that had nothing to do with her. I had to learn to control myself. And here, oddly enough, one story of a drug addict who got stuck helped me. One of the postulates tied up, which needs to be realized, sounds simple, but I somehow did not understand this before ... so: there is only the current moment... If you do not hold back now, you will never hold back. You wake up in the morning and it's all over again. There is no tomorrow. There is no sweat.
It's hard to explain how, but I remembered this a couple of times exactly at that moment when I realized that NOW I would start unreasonably putting pressure on my daughter and ... alas, I cannot explain how it helped me to stop. Everything inside was raging, something was torn to pour out into anger (for some reason it was nice that the daughter would cry now - this is some kind of bloodthirsty cruelty, a desire to torment), but somehow in one second it came: the realization of his anger, the forecast of that what will happen next, then I felt a moment of choice, to do this or not, then I made a choice - to restrain myself. And at the same moment, everything calmed down. The anger was gone. All this happened in a matter of seconds. No, after that, the anger did not eat me from the inside. There was just a feeling that he, like water, flows away at the moment of choice. That is, it was not through force. There was no such thing that I, feeling wild irritation, smiled through force. On the contrary, in order for the anger to go away, you completely withdraw from the situation.
Oh, sorry, I can't really explain how it is.
And then after several times I held myself back in this way, everything began to subside ... I began to see my daughter more, and not myself.
By the way, yes, my anger also flooded me in tides precisely in moments of disobedience. But here I had a separate and long-term work on myself ... now it’s strange for me to imagine that one can disobey me.
Here's the situation, for example.
I always think about how to do it right, but I'm starting to get confused, he demands to ride a typewriter on someone else’s typewriter, I tell him that this is someone else’s, not ours, we are not allowed, as soon as he hears that this is someone else’s, he starts to yell to the ground, demand, I stand and watch him yell while trying to explain to him that this is not our machine, then I tell him that the ground is dirty, get up, he yells,
Feels your hesitation and weakness, I think ... the situation, by the way, could be played up (by offering something in exchange for the car, asking the owners to ask if it is possible, by offering to exchange something with the owners of the car). And while internally not for a second doubting HOW is correct and WHY. You get too many things, as if all you care about is dealing with him and as if you have doubts that you should be able to do it.
This situation reminded me a little of the typical behavior of a person who is not sure what he says or is lying (I am not a psychologist at all, but I often conduct business negotiations). How do such people behave? They lead too much reasons confirming their correctness. All the reasons are small, scattered and indirectly related to the case.
It is likely that the child feels your hesitation, insecurity. They lie to him, he protests.
Look at how many things: either the car is someone else's, then we are not allowed, then the ground is dirty. The stream is "no", not a single "yes". But there are always some YES.
I beat my child, I began to notice that I do this already often, I beat him for the fact that he starts yelling, it annoys me when he yells !!! When he was just born to me and in my thoughts there was no time to hit him, but for some reason this my opinion was turned off when they asked me if you hit your child, I answered NO YOU WHAT? ... he was then 5 months old, his first tooth got out I I was at home alone and did not understand why he was screaming so much all night, etc. then I slapped him on the butt, this was the very first time, once I slapped him myself, I was scared, the child was scared 100 times ... after that I stopped doing it I can't understand why these words influenced me that you can beat children .... that my friends beat their children; their children are alive and well, which means that everything will be fine with mine ... then it became a habit ... as soon as he started to annoy me I spanked him on the pope, at first it was all just one spank, then three times at a time, when he was a year old we moved to a new apartment, he thrust his hands into the socket, I talked to him and explained what was impossible, I was advised to just slap him on the hands ... and I spanked very hard his hands were red, I told him h then the current hits me like that, then he began to annoy me forever to climb somewhere, he did it so he looked at me laughing, he played with me and did not understand that it was dangerous and it annoyed me, then when he was visiting he was already 1.4 began to show off in front of other children, gracefully waved my hand away when I was feeding him, for this I hit him on the hands hard and yelled at him with obscenities, he did not want to go to the shower to swim because he wanted to go for a walk on the street when I dragged him into shower, then he fell to the floor and yelled like crazy, for this I hit him on the butt hard, when he yells I can't control myself it freaks me out I become a demon I just want to kill him, throw him out, hit him so that he shut up , I start to hate him, yelling at him with the very last ones, and this often happens once a week, but in the summer it was more often, it also affects me that if someone next to my friends punishes their children, then for some reason I start to think that I am the same gotta do ... last night he slept or al in a dream, and kicked me ... I hugged him, shook him, calmed him down, but he did not calm down continued to kick me ... in the end it pissed me off, I beat him on the legs with my hand so badly that my hand now hurts, she covered his mouth with her hand, said with mats, stop yelling, threw him on the other edge of the sofa ... I think it’s time for me to get treatment or I’ll kill him soon. ..the son is a planned child and not just an airborne pregnancy, but when I was pregnant, my husband took out my brain with his whims, mocked me, pushed, threw one with bags when they went from the store in winter, constantly argued, scandalized it all started when I got pregnant when I gave birth to a child, there were complications, the child began to die, as a result, they caesar me, my biggest dream was to give birth myself, but I did not succeed, because of which I really fell into depression ... when the child was brought to me, I did not like him, but I I didn’t understand why I had such a feeling that it was not my but someone else’s child ... and it was like that for three months I didn’t perceive him as my own, but I did all the duties strictly breastfeeding (up to two years) I work with him, hired masseuses, went swimming , I read fairy tales to him from his first birthday to this day, I play, I joke with him, I always love him very much, like my mother, from the age of 1.2 I began to take him to the development center and at home I do it myself, I teach geometry , le pka, letters, we draw together, I teach him everything, he is the smartest, the kindest, he has been helping me for only 2 years and he already knows a lot that others do not know, for my part I adore him, I love him, but when he starts yelling then I become a demon and start hitting and throwing him. What's wrong with me .. maybe it's time to go crazy ... I need help, advice and not just chatter !!! I need to understand how to cope with myself at the moment when he yells.Sorry for writing so much, I can’t have more than two years already, no one understands and does not want to listen, for the same mistakes, sorry.
Uv. Svetlana, I want to express my support to you.
How old are you?
What did you do before pregnancy?
Good morning, Svetlana, tell us more about the course of the pregnancy, for what indications you were given a cesarean. And how are you now with hormones.
I also want you to do well, that you have confessed to yourself and you are solving this problem.
I want to ask you, what was your childhood, did your mother beat you?
How does your husband feel about that. why are you hitting a child?
How does he communicate with the child?
--- Added ---My pregnancy was going badly after my husband and I had a fight, he beat me then ... I went to the hospital with indications of spontaneous miscarriage ... then I lay there a couple more times because of the tone, indications for cesarean arose already in the birth itself already when I gave birth did ktg it turned out that the child was suffocating, his heartbeat was dropping and I was cut, it turned out that he was wrapped in the umbilical cord ... with hormones ... I don’t know, I didn’t check.
Added ---
Yes, my parents beat me, my father began to beat me from the fifth grade, then my mother beat me, mostly slapped on the butt, then I remember when we were in the fifth grade, came home from school and my father came drunk and beat us very much with a soldier's badge, drove us into a corner and pounded, hard on a grand scale ... because we didn't prepare him to devour ... that's how he expressed himself ... after that day he began to beat us always before, he never beat us at all, we loved him, walked with him, I loved sleeping with him, but after that day we hated him ... my mother then started hitting the same, once she beat me and kicked me out into the snow with her bare feet because I didn't want to peel the onions ... Well, and so on little things, I often got it just because my sisters substituted my mother believed them.
Added ---
my husband is not aware of the fact that I beat him, when my husband at home is easier for me, the child then plays with me, then plays with him and helps the husband walk with him and so on a little bit ... my husband only hears when I yell at him, he is against it, well I’m against it, but I can’t hold back ... he’s okay with the child, once he spanked him, I told him that let's tie it up, that it’s not going to lead to good, in my presence he didn’t spank him anymore.
Added ---
Uv. Svetlana, I want to express my support to you.
Many mothers are faced with similar problems, and then you and only a few admit to yourself that there is a problem and it must be solved.Uv.Svetlana, tell us about your current relationship with the child's father?
What do you do besides caring for your son?
How old are you?
What did you do before pregnancy?Our relationship with my husband is bad, we always argue, we get into a scandal as soon as I got pregnant, my husband started to scandal over every little thing, then it turned into a habit of scandals every weekend ... I now only deal with the child, nothing else, the child does not go to the garden , my husband does not prescribe him ... without registration we are not even put on the queue ... told my husband a hundred times when will we prescribe? He excuses himself for various reasons ... I am 27 years old. Before pregnancy I worked in a car salon and then helped him with her husband.
Our relationship with my husband is bad, we always argue, we get into a scandal as soon as I got pregnant, my husband began to scandal over every little thing, then it turned into a habit of scandals every weekend ...
Are you satisfied with this relationship? And your husband? Why don't you get a divorce then?
Relationship with my husband does not suit me, it came to a fight with him, the last time he swung at me and my son ran to protect me ... I already hate my husband, I'm afraid of divorce, where I will live with my child, I constantly think about how to get away from husband, but I think how my son will grow up without a father ... I myself can not cope with my son, he becomes more and more disobedient, he stopped listening to me altogether, a week has passed he is already a different, not obedient boy, he was just visiting there he opened his mouth and yelled if something wasn’t the way he wanted, or they don’t give him something, they don’t let him go where he wants ... he just opens his mouth and starts yelling until he wheezes ... today he again beat him in the pope. For two weeks I was constantly yelling and disobedient, he brought the designer to the kitchen, we played with him in the houses, he got up and brushed everything with his hand on the floor, everything shattered into small parts, I told him that it’s not good to do it, asked to clean it, he ran away .. then he returned and began to brazenly throw everything with his foot to show that he would not Then he started waving his hands at me, throwing cubes, falling to the floor and yelling, it brought me out and I spanked him on the butt, his behavior got tired of me, he doesn't want a good attitude, it seems to me so ...
Leave the child to your husband. Or give it to a foster family. Themselves - to a psychologist. And it would not hurt to show my son to specialists.
A psychotherapist is a doctor who treats mild and moderate mental illnesses resulting from stress, inherited, based on childhood mental trauma, but not associated with serious brain diseases or other physiological trauma. The qualification of a psychotherapist is awarded to a psychiatrist who has at least three years of work experience and has completed additional training.A psychotherapist, unlike a psychologist who is not a medical specialist, has the right to diagnose, prescribe and administer treatment. He is distinguished from the psychiatrist by the methods of treatment. If a psychiatrist treats patients with drugs that affect the activity of the brain, then the psychotherapist initially relies on speech methods of influence, supplementing them with medications if necessary. (with)
I think you urgently need a psychotherapist. You hate your husband and take out evil on the child. If you leave everything as it is, then for the child it threatens both severe psychological and physical trauma. In parallel, you need a psychologist to take care of your baby right now. The child feels you and behaves according to your behavior. When babies are teething, they become very moody. In addition, you already quite often use corporal punishment, this is an extreme measure, from impotence. I can't come to an agreement - I will beat you, and when the spanks stop helping, will you start beating you like your father? Urgently, urgently for a full-time appointment with a doctor.
No one will take the child away from you, the doctor will help you understand the situation, find acceptable solutions, and prescribe sedatives.
Last edited by Ritta; 05/01/2014 at 16:51.
Tonight he slept screaming in his sleep and kicked me ... I hugged him, shook him, calmed him down, but he did not calm down continued to kick me ... in the end it pissed me off I beat him on the legs with my hand so hard that now the hand hurts, covered his mouth with a hand said with mats enough to yell, threw him on the other edge of the sofa ...
Uv. Svetlana, what are you feel after describing what you do, what do you say to the child?
How quickly does he calm down afterwards?
I feel disgusting that I am the same as my parents, the same monster and creature, the child calms down only in my arms, he climbs into his arms hugs me, buries his nose on my shoulder and stops crying, always calms down in different ways sometimes quickly sometimes for a long time but this then when I don’t take him in my arms, he walks after me and roars, I just don’t understand how to behave with him, what to do after punishment, since I’ve punished him, I just hug him, I tell him that you can’t do it badly, I say that I’m him I scolded him because of his disobedience ... I understand that I’m just tired and all the people around me are pissed off, the child annoys me with his just yells, he starts to vague and it annoys me, I don’t know how to restrain myself.
I feel disgusting that I am the same as my parents, the same monster and creature, the child calms down only in my arms, he climbs into his arms hugs me, buries his nose on my shoulder and stops crying, always calms down in different ways sometimes quickly sometimes for a long time but this then when I don’t take him in my arms, he walks after me and roars, I just don’t understand how to behave with him, what to do after the punishment, since I’ve punished him, I just hug him I tell him that you can’t do it badly, I say that I’m him I scolded him because of his disobedience ... I understand that I’m just tired and all the people around me are pissed off, the child annoys me with his just yells, he starts to vague and it annoys me, I don’t know how to restrain myself.
Do you live separately with your husband or with someone else?
Last edited by Татьяна И; 05/02/2014 at 07:17.
And if you just do not hit, on the contrary, hug when you want to hit? To cuddle, kiss, turn yellow, poor tired (how not to say it is sometimes difficult for everyone with small children) to cry together.
He is 2 years old, I understand correctly from the topic?
IMHO: just think if he calms down in your arms, then you have a resource that will help you calm him down in such moments. And then, at such an age, they feel us, a different race at a distance (in Krestnoy one race a completely sleepy child for the wrong reason began to yell a foolish, demanding mother, it turned out that at that moment mother fell in the garden with heart attacks, and he was in house), and what feelings you will send when communicating with him, the same he will mirror. (an example of the fact that he hits you sometimes, you hit him and he hits you). Imagine that he is simply scared and for this reason he follows you and cry, and your task is to hug him and thereby say "do not be afraid, baby, mom is with you, mom is next to you, she loves and protects you!"Do you live separately with your husband or with someone else?
We live separately from all our relatives, a two-room apartment, I try to restrain myself just sometimes as a demon moves in and just start to beat him ... I constantly think that if I hug him when he is capricious, he demands what is forbidden for him or what is alien , will start yelling, fall, and I will hug him ... then what will happen next? I always think about how to do it right, but I start to get confused, he demands to ride a typewriter on someone else’s typewriter, I tell him that this is someone else’s, not ours, they are not allowed to us, as soon as he hears that it’s someone else’s falls to the ground, he starts yelling, demanding, I stand looking as he yells at the same time I try to explain to him that this is not our machine, then I tell him that the ground is dirty get up, he yells, today like TFA TFA he walked without incident, he yelled, fell, I controlled myself, he did not talk to him right away, but he got up, followed me, corrupted and took away his abandoned toys, brought them into the trunk, I understand that he beats me because I beat him, he started to fight as soon as I began to beat him, I understand that beating leads to beating, I just can't restrain myself sometimes you infuriate me so much that all the hand flies by itself ... then only I already start to think what I have done ... yesterday, for example, I asked him to remove this scattered constructor, which he himself gracefully threw from the table onto the floor and looked with pleasure at how he shatters into smithereens then he stood and threw him with his foot, I asked him to be removed, then I said that the designer would be lost if it fell like that, offered to help him and he just stood and kicked him, then fell on him, then he just got up and left ... I even ran away, I returned him and he started hitting me, throwing a constructor at me, waving his hands, yelling, kicking this lego, for which he got in the priest, he burst into tears and just fell asleep again in my arms, climbed on top of me while roared, I removed this constructor and threw it out on the balcony, once this was already then I just removed all his toys for two weeks then gradually gave him one at a time and said that he was putting the toys in place and this toy wanted to return to him like this but now it all started anew ...
I constantly think that if I hug him when he is capricious, demands what is forbidden for him, or what is alien, starts yelling, falls, and I will hug him ... what will happen then? I always think about how to do it right, but I start to get confused, he demands to ride a typewriter on someone else’s typewriter, I tell him that this is someone else’s, not ours, they are not allowed to us, as soon as he hears that it’s someone else’s falls to the ground, he starts yelling, demanding, I stand looking how he screams while trying to explain to him that this is not our machine, then I tell him that the ground is dirty, get up, he screams
And one more question:today, like tfu tfu, he walked without incident, he yelled, fell, I controlled myself, he did not talk to him right away, but he got up, followed me, corrupted and took his abandoned toys, brought them into the trunk,
He has not yet raced you to test your strength
yesterday, for example, I asked him to remove this scattered constructor, which he himself gracefully threw from the table to the floor and watched with pleasure as it shattered, then stood and threw it with his foot, I asked him to remove it, then said that the constructor would be lost if it fell like that , offered to help him and he just stood there and kicked him, then fell on him, then he just got up and left ... even ran away, I returned him and he started to beat me, throw a designer at me, wave his hands to yell, kick this lego , for which I got hit on the priest in the end burst into tears and just fell asleep again in my arms, climbed on top of me while roaring, I removed this constructor and threw it out on the balcony, once this happened then I just removed all his toys for two weeks later Gradually she gave him one at a time and said that he was putting away the toys and that this toy wanted to return to him like this, but now it all started anew ...
Uv.Olga, I'm not a psychologist, but this situation is painfully familiar ... My one race in such a fall to the floor bit his tongue.
As far as I remember the speech, in the previous post, was that the child cried at night and you reassured him. Maybe he had a bad dream.
In this situation, you describe how the child tries to take with his throat - these are different things.
IMHO: it is useless to explain to the yelling child in this situation !!!
You grab the shkvarnik (not very heavy yet) and drag it home, without shouting or clapping, but at home say that he did not behave well and that is why you stopped walking.
The second option: Stand quietly next to the beating child and be silent, thereby demonstrating that the option will not work. When he is tired of yelling, say: "Calm down! No means no."
And one more question: Who told you that it will be worse next ???
Another IMHO: it is normal for a child at this age to check how much you can bend the parents and how you can control them (mine is now 6 and everything has passed, the word NO is perceived adequately). The main sequence is not to change the decision. NO means NO.He has not yet raced you to test your strength
DO YOU often just hug him, praise him, kiss him as encouragement, for example, or just like that, for no reason?
I'm not Olga ...
I hug him often just like that, we always play games, sometimes I just start to squeeze him, tickle his belly, he always comes up, kisses me, I hugs him back, I always praise him for whatever he does, but in different ways for what he is then take it away I say, see how you did well, let's five, and I stroke him on the head kiss, for the fact that he sat down on the pot and did all his work, I hug, praise him, clap our hands with him, sometimes I just express intonation that he is he is super good and he did a great job and we clap our hands, I always praise him, for example, he will scatter cat food, I tell him and now collect, he starts to be stubborn, but in the end he collects, I immediately change the intonation through force, I put on a smile and say you see how good you are turned out let's give five, hug, kiss ... always praise him, kiss, hug. He always yells on different occasions, sometimes in a dream at night, sometimes on the street everywhere he yells and it always annoys me.
Sorry, I got it wrong.
Why don't you want to consult a neurologist about his behavior? And why do you yourself refuse medical help?
There is no magic button, no magic pill that will remove unwanted reactions. What do you expect from the forum? What do you want from yourself? What do you want from a child?
Why don't you want to consult a neurologist about his behavior? And why do you yourself refuse medical assistance?
Admitting to yourself that the problem is only half the way to solving it.
There is no magic button, no magic pill that will remove unwanted reactions. What do you expect from the forum? What do you want from yourself? What do you want from a child?I don't want a consultation with a psychologist, on the contrary, I dream about it, I want to communicate in reality with a living person about my problems, it's just that at the moment there is no money to pay for it ... I have already made an appointment with a neurologist for an ambulance. , I don’t refuse help, there’s no money for it yet ... I’m waiting for support and advice from the forum on how to learn to restrain myself, what to do at the moment when the blood boils, how to act and behave correctly when the child has already infuriated everything, I want to learn from myself patience, restraint, and in general I want to stop hitting him, I don’t want anything from the child ... I understand that the problem is in me and not in him, he is still small so that I want something from him, of course you can say that I want from him so that he doesn’t I dabbled, didn't yell, didn't throw things around when something didn't work out for him, but I understand that he just can't restrain himself yet and it's my duty to teach him this, but I myself am not able and I myself do not know how to do it ... when we have such a situation with him that on he tries to piss me off, then a lot of thoughts run through my head what to do, how to lead myself, what to say to him, the first words are always calm, I try to explain what and how, but he starts kicking, throwing himself, fighting, biting and gets paid for it .. today I just took him to the potty, I tell him, let's go, it's time for you to sit there, he doesn't want ... I took it, and he grabbed me in the leg ... the reaction worked instantly, got it on the priest right away ...
I know for sure that he has to go I begin to say that let's take the cars and go to the pot, he does not go but lies and plays, I picked him up and led him, and he grabbed me in the leg ... the reaction worked instantly, got on the pope right away ...
Got it in the priest, because he knows better than you, when is it time for him to go to the pot?
He may and knows that it is time for him to go to the pot, but he does not sit down, and does everything on the floor ... so I calculate in time when he will want to go to the toilet again. I have never made a mistake. I got it in the pope for biting me in the leg.
On the question of how to learn to restrain ...there is only the current moment
Here's the situation, for example.
I always think about how to do it right, but I'm starting to get confused, he demands to ride a typewriter on someone else’s typewriter, I tell him that this is someone else’s, not ours, we are not allowed, as soon as he hears that this is someone else’s, he starts to yell to the ground, demand, I stand and watch him yell while trying to explain to him that this is not our machine, then I tell him that the ground is dirty, get up, he yells,
Feels your hesitation and weakness, I think ... the situation, by the way, could be beaten (by offering something in exchange for the car, asking the owners to ask if it is possible by offering to exchange something with the owners of the car). And while internally not for a second doubting HOW is correct and WHY. You get too many things, as if all you care about is dealing with him and as if you have doubts that you should be able to do it.
too much
Look at how many things: either the car is someone else's, then we are not allowed, then the ground is dirty. The stream is "no", not a single "yes". But there are always some YES.
I remember how I taught my son to the potty (no, I do not in any way consider myself an example and I have a x *** cloud of mistakes), I just carried him to the potty after getting up in the morning and after lunchtime, and the pot was in plain sight. I never scolded him, even when at the age of 3 he could play and even crap ... But what a mini-happiness my husband and I experienced when my son ran around the house and sat on the potty himself. It was even pride for him ... Realized !!
I think that you are beating madysh because of a feeling of powerlessness ... I want to do everything better than anyone else, but for some reason it does not work out.
--- Added ---On the question of how to learn to restrain ...
Personally, I didn’t beat the child, but I often put pressure on me mentally, made me cry ... this is bad. I realized that I was flooded with blind anger and I was just pouring some of my emotions onto my daughter that had nothing to do with her. I had to learn to control myself. And here, oddly enough, one story of a drug addict who got stuck helped me. One of the postulates tied up, which needs to be realized, sounds simple, but somehow I didn't understand it before ... so: there is only the current moment... If you do not hold back now, you will never hold back. You wake up in the morning and it's all over again. There is no tomorrow. There is no sweat.
It is difficult to explain how, but I remembered this a couple of times exactly at that moment when I realized that NOW I would start unreasonably putting pressure on my daughter and ... alas, I cannot explain how it helped me to stop. Everything inside was raging, something was torn to pour out into anger (for some reason it was nice that the daughter would cry now - this is some kind of bloodthirsty cruelty, a desire to torment), but somehow in one second it came: the realization of his anger, the forecast of that what will happen next, then I felt a moment of choice, to do this or not, then I made a choice - to restrain myself. And at the same moment, everything calmed down. The anger was gone. All this happened in a matter of seconds. No, after that, the anger did not eat me from the inside. There was just a feeling that he, like water, flows away at the moment of choice. That is, it was not through force. There was no such thing that I, feeling wild irritation, smiled through force. On the contrary, in order for the anger to go away, you completely withdraw from the situation.Oh, sorry, I can't really explain how it is.
And then, after I had restrained myself in this way several times, everything began to subside ... I began to see my daughter more, and not myself.
By the way, yes, my anger also flooded me in tides precisely in moments of disobedience. But here I had a separate and long-term work on myself ... now it’s strange for me to imagine that one can disobey me.
Here's the situation, for example.
Feels your hesitation and weakness, I think ... the situation, by the way, could be beaten (by offering something in exchange for the car, asking the owners to ask if it is possible by offering to exchange something with the owners of the car). And while internally not for a second doubting HOW is correct and WHY. You get too many things, as if all you care about is dealing with him and as if you have doubts that you should be able to do it.
This situation reminded me a little of the typical behavior of a person who is not sure what he says or is lying (I am not a psychologist at all, but I often conduct business negotiations). How do such people behave? They lead too much reasons confirming their correctness. All the reasons are small, scattered and indirectly related to the case.
It is likely that the child feels your hesitation, insecurity. They lie to him, he protests.
Look at how many things: either the car is someone else's, then we are not allowed, then the ground is dirty. The stream is "no", not a single "yes". But there are always some YES.
There is hesitation and weakness because I myself do not know what to say and how to cope with it, it always presses that he does it in crowded places, everyone starts to look as if they see this the first time ... it starts to press and annoy me, I start to think that everyone around will think that my child is crazy ... I also have a complex on this topic, when he was 1 month old, he had an ultrasound scan on his brain and there some kind of fluid exceeded the norm, but this is not a deviation, but just his physiology, over time it all passed and returned to normal, but when my father-in-law found out about this, she began to talk about my son as a headache, she always talked to him with a mentally retarded and once said that with my son you need to be careful in communication and not let him cry, I asked why? she replied: what, well, he has abnormalities in his head ... that's when I got stuck ... now I always worry that everyone will think that he is crazy ...
about to beat the situation, sometimes it comes out, but sometimes the owner is against changing and shares this happens and there is nothing more to distract his son except that he wants nothing to stand on his own ... give it and that's it ... that's what hysterics turn out ...
Yes, I always think that my task is to calm him down at that moment when he goes into hysterics, sometimes when it doesn't work out I stand and think what else to do to calm him down, or in general he can just wait when he screams, rolls on ...You wrote a very informative story, I understand you.
I remember how I taught my son to the potty (no, I do not in any way consider myself an example and I have a x *** cloud of mistakes), I just carried him to the potty after getting up in the morning and after lunchtime, and the pot was in plain sight. I never scolded him, even when at the age of 3 he could play and even crap ... But what a mini-happiness my husband and I experienced when my son ran around the house and sat on the potty himself. It was even pride for him ... Realized !!
IMHO: Svetlana think for whom do you need to be an ideal mother?
I think that you are beating madysh because of a feeling of powerlessness ... I want to do everything better than anyone else, but for some reason it does not work out.
I slapped him on the bottom not because he did not want to sit on the pot, but because he bit me in the leg so badly that the bruise remained, but in the end he himself then sat down on the pot. I am also happy when he himself sits down on the pot during the day, I plant him myself before going to bed, before walking and after sleeping, I control all this, but this time he BITE me and got it, and not because he resisted going to pot.
I don’t want to be an ideal, it’s just that the main thing for me is to learn to restrain myself, to understand what to think and how to act at the moment when the sideline comes to a breakdown, how to understand when to catch it so as not to throw out all the negativity on my son. My parents did not know how to restrain themselves, and indeed in general, they are not ideals, I want to be nothing like them at all, but everything creeps out of my gut ... sometimes when I spank him, I think that it should have been done ... for the fact that he snatched me, I spanked him how the protection itself worked, quickly like lightning ... I hit him when he already gets it and I don't know what to do, how to behave so that he understands that this cannot be done. It's best to do something, I think everyone wants this, but I want everything to be normal. I am satisfied with everything that I do. It annoys me in myself that I am not restrained, I yell and beat him, but this happens rarely but aptly ... I I'm just afraid that it will develop into a habit and will often ...Added ---
Don't bite me.
The answer to my question is, we try to ensure that others did not think that the child is not complete, and if so, then you are a bad mother gave birth to such ...
I still have a complex on this topic, when he was 1 month old, they did an ultrasound scan on the brain and there some kind of fluid exceeded the norm, but this is not a deviation, but just his physiology, over time it all passed and returned to normal, but my father-in-law when she found out about this, she began to talk about my son as a headache, she always talked to him with a mentally retarded and once said that with my son you need to be careful in communication and not let him cry, I asked why? she replied: what, well, he has abnormalities in his head ... that's when I got stuck ... now I always worry that everyone will think that he is crazy ...
The same thing, the child is crazy, but you are to blame ...
about to beat the situation, sometimes it comes out, but sometimes the owner is against changing and shares this happens and there is nothing more to distract his son except that he wants nothing to stand on his own ... give it and that's it ... that's what hysterics turn out ...
Yes, I always think that my task is to calm him down at that moment when he goes into hysterics, sometimes when it doesn't work out I stand and think what else to do in order to calm him down, or in general he can just wait when he yells, lies on ...
I’m not lying to my child, I tell him as it is, if they don’t give that very machine, then they don’t give me what can I do ...? go to buy it for him so that he would calm down ... the ground is really dirty, I no longer want to let him near other people's toys before when I did not let him in and he didn’t come close it was worth once to resolve now such tantrums ... when I try to him to calm down, not only say no a lot of things, I propose to him in return and see the birds and feed the ducks, and ride on the hill and climb a tree, but he still NO and NO give him what he wanted, so you have to leave the site ...
You remake the child, you stutter the time when he goes to the toilet, you go out of your way, take all responsibility for his behavior on yourself ... Perplexed at the same time, I'm good, why does he behave this way?
Well, he will shout, he will shout, he will understand that the option DOES NOT WORK and will stop.
You do not see him himself, do not accept him as he is, reshape him, but at the same time he does not feel safe, so he crawls with or without his arms.
What is so terrible will happen if he describes himself?
Of course he sat down, where will he go. You are stronger?
You didn’t understand anything ... I said that I didn’t bother about this, the time came and he began to do everything himself, I only suggested and not in vain gave an example when he could crap.
Imagine the situation, the child was playing and playing and wanted to use the toilet, and ... forgot, he wrote. He made himself uncomfortable, now he has to break away from the game and change clothes while he himself could come up and pee quickly and calmly continue the game. Do you think he himself will not understand this over time?
DO NOT strain with talent, this means letting the situation come to a conclusion.
Why, why do you need to control it? So he will never learn to go to the toilet himself, he will wait for his mother to lead)))
but this time he BITE me and got it, and not because he resisted going to the pot.
I don’t want to be an ideal, it’s just that the main thing for me is to learn to restrain myself, to understand what to think and how to act at the moment when the sideline comes to a breakdown, how to understand when to catch it so as not to throw out all the negativity on my son. My parents did not know how to restrain themselves, and indeed in general, they are not ideals, I want to be nothing like them at all, but everything creeps out of my gut ... sometimes when I spank him, I think that it should have been done ... for the fact that he snatched me, I spanked him how the protection itself worked, quickly like lightning ... I hit him when he already gets it and I don't know what to do, how to behave so that he understands that this cannot be done. It's best to do something, I think everyone wants it, but I want everything to be normal. I am satisfied with everything I do One thing annoys me in myself that I am not restrained, I yell and beat him, but this happens rarely but aptly ... I'm just afraid that this will develop into a habit and will often ...
Author Your parents demanded obedience from you and beat you, drove out into the snow if you did not obey?
IMHO: YOU are now looking for an answer how to make a child do whatever I want without using physical force?
You have to learn to interact, hear, receive and direct. This means taking into account his views and desires, the right to make mistakes and self-expression.
Last edited by Татьяна И; 05/05/2014 at 06:29.
Svetlana, hello ...
I just started reading your topic and perhaps further in the messages you have already made a productive decision in favor of resolving the situation ... but now I can not resist ...
Right now, my one and a half-year-old boy is sleeping by my side, smacking his chest, and from what he read, a sob breaks out, a lump in his chest and tears ...
I beg you very much, complete your main task, protect the little man, at least from herself, such as you are now.
But time is running out and time is short, the child has already absorbed, now you will need to "heal" what you managed to mutilate and perhaps you will experience even more negative emotions ...
I sincerely empathize with your baby and you. Work on yourself, you are obliged, this is your responsibility, now. The mother not only carries and gives birth. My mother was also beaten by my father, but this did not affect us in any way. And you can, believe in yourself.
Good luck. I just couldn't get past ...
Svetlana, hello! A year has passed ... Tell me, how are things with you now? Much of what you described is similar to my situation, I feel like a miserable mother for raising my hand to my child (he is 2.8 now), a child with a complex character and temperament, hyperactivity can be traced, a year ago a neurologist diagnosed "emotional lability", for my child it is quite usual to throw a tantrum, yell until the veins in the neck are swollen, wallow on the floor / ground, fight, including with feet, bite, pinch to bruises, pull the hair, almost does not react to comments ... acquaintances are shocked by our child, completely uncontrollable, we walk only where he wants, but he does not stand at all, he plays little on the playgrounds, even the balance bike had to be hidden, because he does not obey, he leaves far, flies to the road, we have to run behind him. She yells with and without reason, it also takes me out of the turn, as they say, I do not always restrain myself, I can hit my lips painfully or even have it on my face, it grabs me on the priest almost every day. At first we explain everything in an amicable way, then in raised tones, then I break down (my husband also sometimes doesn’t hold back) and raise his hand or pull him like crazy. I feel like a monster, but my nervous system can no longer stand it. Periodically I drink sedatives, but which help little.