Life and customs in Russian culture in 1930

1.4 Family and Family Rites

The family united, as a rule, representatives of two generations - parents and their children. Such a family usually consisted of a large collective. Often there were 7-9 children in a family. If there were more than half of the boys among the children, then such families were not considered poor. On the contrary, they were quite "strong", since they had many workers.

Among the main family rituals are baptism, wedding, funeral. The marriage was usually done by boys aged 24-25, and girls aged 18-22 Yiddish. Language and culture in the Soviet Union: - Moscow, RGGU Publishing Center, 2009 - 303 p ..

The marriage must have received an official blessing at the church wedding. Only such a marriage was considered legal. The baptism of every child in the first months of life was also indispensable. The funeral service for the deceased in church or at home was also one of the main rites.

After the son's marriage, his parents and close relatives, as a rule, helped him build his own house and equip it.

The marriage of daughters was accompanied by the transfer of a dowry to the groom, which they began to save immediately after the birth of the future bride. Many of its parts were created by the hands of the girl herself in the premarital period. There were especially many embroidered items of clothing, linen, etc.

The concept of a woman's maternal and marital duty entered the turn of ideological and political manipulation (a country constantly preparing for war needed a high birth rate). Sexuality turned out to be closely linked with reproduction (in 1935 the production of contraceptives was stopped in the USSR). In 1936, a law was passed that made divorce difficult; after 8 years, divorce was allowed in general only through the courts. In the same 1936 abortions were banned (except for the so-called "medical indications"), which was a defeat for women in their reproductive rights. The state that failed to pursue a “revolution in everyday life” put a double burden on the shoulders of “free and equal” women, paying off possible reproaches with petty handouts (the introduction in 1944 of the honorary badge “Mother Heroine”, a meager payment for keeping children in nurseries and kindergartens). de La Rochefoucauld. Maxims. J. de La Bruyere. Characters, or Morals of the present century. Ch. De Saint-Denis de Saint-Evremont. Selected Conversations. L. de Clapier de Vovenargues. An introduction to understanding the human mind. Reflections and maxims. S.-R. N. Shamfort. Maxims and thoughts: F. de La Rochefoucauld, J. de La Bruyere, Ch. De Saint-Denis de Saint-Evremont, - Moscow, Pushkin Library, AST, 2004 - 189 p ..

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Among the Russian old-timer population (especially among the Cossacks and peasants who early received land in possession, and then in property), large (undivided) families were common in the past. Not only parents, children and grandchildren, but also several brothers lived and co-operated together, there could be a sister with a primak husband, orphaned nephews and other relatives. Often a family united up to 20 or more people. At the head of the family collective was the father or elder brother (bolshak, elder), the manager among women and the authority among men was his wife. Intra-family life was determined by patriarchal principles. The church itself prescribed women unquestioning obedience to their husbands. The daughter-in-law expected hard daily work in family life, they expected obedience and obedience. At the same time, all members of the family took part in the performance of economic affairs, the most difficult field, forestry and construction work lay on the men. Children were also involved in family affairs.

After the abolition of serfdom and the receipt of land allotments, a tendency appeared for the disintegration of large families. Settlers of the last decades of the 19th century rarely decided to move in large numbers. At the same time, the eldest son's living with his parents remained a family tradition everywhere. Families of 7-9 were common. In the Stolypin time, along with them, small families appeared - of 4-6 people.

Wedding ceremonies

Weddings were usually celebrated in the fall or winter after Epiphany. The wedding ceremony consisted of several stages and took a long period of time. The godfather with the godmother or the boy's parents, less often other relatives, came to match the girl. They sat down under the mat and started a conversation allegorically: "You have a product, we have a merchant" or "You have a chicken, we have a cockerel, we will bring them into one barn." In case of consent, a series of pre-wedding meetings took place: the bride's bride, acquaintance with the groom's household, conspiracy (binge, hand-arm), during which they agreed on the date of the wedding, the amount of the dowry, the size and maintenance of the masonry - the groom's monetary contribution and the clothes he bought for the bride (it could be a fur coat, coat, silk dress, boots with galoshes, etc.). After that, for about a month, preparations were made for the wedding. Throughout this period, the bride's friends gathered in her house for evenings, helped to prepare gifts for the wedding and a dowry: they sewed, knitted lace, embroidered.

All the rituals that were part of the wedding cycle were accompanied by songs in accordance with the moment - sad, lyrical, dignified, humorous, farewell.

The playful nature of wedding amusements manifested itself in full the next day, when the son-in-law, and after him and all those present, went "to the mother-in-law for pancakes."

Among the Cossacks, for example, after noisy (with throwing and hitting plates) fun in the mother-in-law's house, they dressed up in different clothes, painted or covered their faces with canvas, and with a whoop, they drove around the village with songs on oxen harnessed to carts - sobbing. We stopped by to visit the godfathers and other guests.

The wedding could last a week or more. Despite the limited number of guests, almost everyone could attend, dance, perform, and occasionally treat themselves to.

Collectors of folklore ascertain the impoverishment of wedding rituals in the 20th century, the disappearance of not only many sad but also a number of game moments from it. The list of participants expanded, but the wedding "roles" (except for the boyfriend) were lost. Ritual song folklore has gone into the realm of history.

Tradition is not only what distinguishes one nation from another, but also what can unite a wide variety of people. The family traditions of the Russian people are the most interesting part of the history and culture of the Russian state, which introduces us to the experience of our ancestors. Let's start with the fact that the family traditions of Russia never did without the science of genealogy: it was a shame not to know the pedigree, and the most offensive nickname was "Ivan, who does not remember kinship." Drawing up a detailed pedigree, one's own family tree was an integral part of the traditions of every family. When cameras appeared, people began to compile and then keep family albums. This custom has successfully survived to this day - probably, the majority have old albums with photographs of their dear relatives, who may have already passed away. By the way, honoring the memory of your relatives, remembering those who left this world, also belong to the primordial Russian traditions, as well as constant care for elderly parents. A long-standing Russian tradition can also be called the transfer of things that belonged to distant (and not so) ancestors, to their descendants. For example, a great-grandmother's box or a great-grandfather's clock are family heirlooms that are stored for many years in a secluded corner of the house. The history of things becomes not only the property of a single family, but also the history of the people and the entire Motherland as a whole. There is also a wonderful custom to name a child after one of the family members (there are so-called "family names"). In addition, the assignment of a middle name is considered our unique tradition. When a baby is born, he immediately receives part of the family name from the "nickname" of his father. Patronymic distinguishes a person from a namesake, sheds light on kinship (son-father) and expresses respect.

Calling someone by their patronymic means being polite to them. The name can also be given according to church books, saints, in honor of the saint who is honored on the birthday of the child. But family traditions, examples of which are practically not found at present, are old professional dynasties (that is, when all family members were engaged in one type of activity). Whole dynasties of hereditary bakers, pastry chefs, military men, shoemakers, carpenters, priests, and artists are known. And now I would like to make out the family rituals that have become mandatory and have survived to this day practically without changing their traditions. Namely:

1. - traditions of the wedding ceremony

2. - traditions of the rite of birth of a baby into the world

3. - the traditions of the funeral rite, so:

1) Traditions of the wedding ceremony

The wedding can be seen and heard from afar. It is difficult to find a more colorful and cheerful ceremony, in which there would be so much joy and jubilation. This is no coincidence, because the celebration of love, the beginning of a new family is being celebrated. Even nowadays, when it all comes down to just a visit to the registry office, several memorable places and a feast, this holiday attracts everyone's attention by its very elegance. And if it contains elements of an old folk wedding ceremony, then it becomes an action at all.

Now, of the pre-wedding, actually wedding and post-wedding ceremonies, only wedding ceremonies are best known. But the interest in traditions is great - and now we hear the old majestic songs, jokes. But how did this sparkling action take place before, with observance of all the rules - from collusion and hand-to-hand to the prince's table and entrances?

The bride was supposed to cry as soon as matchmakers appeared in the house. By this, she demonstrated her love for her father's house, for her parents. A few days before marriage, the groom's parents go to the bride's parents to hand-arm. And again she laments about how bad it will be on the wrong side. Before the wedding itself - a bachelorette party. The groom arrives with gifts; everyone but the bride is having fun, not paying much attention to her crying. The day of marriage is the most solemn. The bride, who continues to lament, is prepared for the wreath, the groom is also dressed in his best and at the same time guarded. Guests converge in the bride's house, a talkative boyfriend and groom arrive, "redeems" a place at the table. After lengthy negotiations, flavored with jokes, they go to church: the groom separately, the bride separately. After the wedding, the bride stops crying: the job is done. The newlyweds are taken to the groom's house, where the groom's parents are already waiting for them: the father with the icon and the mother with the icon and bread and salt. On the second day - the "prince's table" in the groom's house. The third day is a family day, as well as a meeting of the bride with neighbors. And, finally, the father-in-law calls his son-in-law with relatives to him, the young woman says goodbye to her parents; diversion (wedding ranks) take the newlyweds to their home. At this, the wedding ceremony is considered complete. Collusion When the matchmaker decides the matter, i.e. he will agree with the bride's family on what conditions the bride will be given, with what dowry and conclusion - they will also persuade what time to come to the bride's house for "conspiracy". It should be noted that collusion, or drinking, or a word, is always given in the bride's house. When the matchmakers come to the bride's house, then at this time a lot of people - neighbors - come. Conspiracies (or drinking) are very short-lived: they will drink tea and wine, have a snack, take a handkerchief and a ring from the bride, and then the matchmakers and leave. The people and girlfriends remain. The bride is brought in and seated in the front corner, at the table, where she must cry and lament. During all the time when the "conspiracy" has been made, her relatives do not force her to do anything until the wedding ceremony.

After conspiracy, every day the bride sits down at the table and cries, wailing. Girlfriends almost always sew a dowry at the "agreement" - linen and dresses. Handicraft at the appointed time, three or four days before marriage, sometimes handicraft. The matchmaker or matchmaker with the father and mother of the groom, accompanied by relatives, goes or goes to the father and mother of the bride to the house for a feast - to hand-arm. Those who came at the invitation of the owner sit down at a table covered with a tablecloth. On it are folded pie and salt on a plate. Svatya takes the right hands of the matchmakers (the father of the groom and the father of the bride) and joins them hand in hand, taking a pie from the table, circles them around the hands of the matchmakers, saying three times: "The deed is done, fortified with bread and salt, forever and ever." He breaks the cake over his hands, and then gives one half to the groom's father, and the other half to the bride's father. After breaking the cake, the matchmakers are sometimes measured, whose half is more - right or left (right - the groom, and the left - the bride). There is a sign: if half is more, then that person has more strength, happiness, health, longevity and wealth. The broken cake should be kept by the bride and groom until the day of marriage, and after the wedding, the newlyweds should eat it, first of all, but the groom needs to eat - half the bride, and the bride - the groom. After breaking the cake, the matchmakers sit down at the table, and the treat begins. During the refraction of the cake, the bride is brought under a headscarf and seated on a bench, while the girlfriends stand beside her or sit. After the mating, the groom visits the bride every day. The bride meets the groom, treats him to tea, sits at the table, and the groom brings gifts and snacks, gifts: nuts, gingerbread and sweets. All such visits by the groom to the bride are called "visits", "kisses" and "visits". In this way, the visits of the groom continue until the bachelorette party, in which the celebration surpasses all visits, because this is the last day of the girl's life. The hen party happens on the last day or evening before the wedding. Girlfriends come to the bride for a bachelorette party, even relatives and friends from other villages come. Earlier, the groom and other guests come from the groom, the matchmaker with a chest or box containing various gifts for the bride, as well as gifts for girlfriends, children and other spectators who came to see the bachelorette party. The bride meets the groom wearing her best dress. The girls are singing songs. At the end of the bachelorette party, the groom leaves with his guests, and the people disperse.

The newlyweds, both in front of the first table after marriage, and the princes, so as not to whet their appetite, are fed separately, which is called "feeding the young at a mansion." Guests who walked around the prince's table often turn to the newlyweds and say: "Bitter, very bitter!" The newlyweds should get up, bow, kiss "crosswise", say: "Eat, now it's sweet!" Guests finish drinking from a glass or shot and say: "Now it is very sweet," and then they come up to the newlyweds and kiss them. Thus, at the prince's table, one can only hear "bitter", and therefore there is no end to the kisses. Guests-spouses, not content with "sweetening" the newlyweds, turn to the word "bitterly" husband to wife, wife to husband and also "sweeten" - kiss. A lot of strangers come to the prince's table to see. For poor owners, when there is one table after marriage, but there is no prince's table, all ceremonies and customs take place at the first table after marriage, as at a prince. Third day: Very few of the new relatives remain on the third day. The third day looks like a family holiday. In the morning, the young are forced to cook and bake pancakes, which she serves from the stove to the table. After dinner, in the evening, girls, young women and boys are going to sit with the newlyweds. Young people sing songs, play different games and dance. At this evening meeting, the newlywed meets the neighbors and treats them: pancakes, pies, gingerbread and nuts. The so-called bends are usually a week after the wedding.

The parents of the wife are the father-in-law and the mother-in-law to the husband (son-in-law). The wife's brother is her husband (her son-in-law) brother-in-law. And the wife's sister is a sister-in-law. Therefore, one and the same person is a son-in-law - father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law. The daughter-in-law, she is the daughter-in-law, is the wife of the son in relation to the parents of the son. Daughter-in-law - from the word son: "sons" - "son". A brother's wife is also called a daughter-in-law. The wives of two brothers are also daughters-in-law. Thus, a woman can be a daughter-in-law in relation to her father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law. Aunt (aunt, aunt) is the sister of the father or mother. An uncle is a brother of a father or mother. Depending on this, they say about him, like about his aunt, with a clarification: "paternal uncle", "maternal uncle". Often, the younger is called the elder's uncle, regardless of kinship. The stepmother is not the mother to the children, the second wife of the father. Children of the husband from his first marriage - stepmother, stepson and stepdaughter. The stepfather is not his own father, his mother's father, the second husband of the mother. I will stepfather the children of his wife from his first marriage - stepsons and stepdaughters. Brother-in-law, he is a shuryak, shuryaga is his wife's brother. The brother-in-law is the husband's brother. Brother-in-law and sister-in-law are the same to a wife as brother-in-law and sister-in-law are to a husband. The sister-in-law is the husband's sister. In some places, the brother's wife is also called that. The sister-in-law usually indicates the young, commands her. Hence the very word sister-in-law - from "evil". The sister-in-law is the wife's sister, and her husband is the brother-in-law. Two men married to sisters are also called in-law. This relationship was considered not very reliable, so they said: "Two brothers - for a bear, two brothers-in-law - for jelly." Yatrov (she is Yatrovitsa) is the wife of a brother-in-law. But that is also the name of the brother-in-law's wife. A brother's wife in relation to his brother-in-law and sister-in-law is also yatrov. And the wives of the brothers among themselves are also yagprovs. Kum, Kuma are godfather and mother. They are in spiritual kinship not only with each other, but also with respect to the parents and relatives of their godson. That is, nepotism is not blood, but spiritual kinship. There are other degrees of kinship in the Russian people, more distant, about which they say that this is "the seventh (or tenth) water on jelly". Sometimes in a large family they themselves have difficulty figuring out who gets to whom, and then derivatives of their own words come to the rescue: in-laws, in-laws, in-laws. Wedding superstitions: When crowns are put on those who are to be married and the priest says: "The servant of God is getting married," the latter must be baptized and say quietly: "I, the servant of God (name), am getting married, but my illnesses are not crowned." The people believe that if the spouses have some kind of disease and are married to them, then they will never be cured.

When a young woman is brought into the house to her father-in-law from the crown, he and the mother-in-law meet the newlyweds at the gate; the first of them gives the young man a bottle of wine or beer, and the last one slowly puts a pie in the bosom of the newlywed and throws hops under his feet. The newlyweds should eat the cake in half in front of the wedding table, at the "mansion". This is done so that they live their whole lives well, in love and harmony, and the hop crumbles under their feet, so that they live happily for centuries. "Both at the first table and at the princes, the newlyweds must intertwine their legs or cross their legs so that a cat does not run between them, otherwise the young will live in disagreement like a cat and a dog."

2) Traditions of the rite of birth of a baby into the world.

Shortly before the birth, they tried to hide the day and hour of birth. Even the delivery prayer was hidden in a hat and only then was it taken to the priest in the church.

Our ancestors believed: birth, like death, violates the invisible border between the worlds of the dead and the living. Therefore, such a dangerous business had nothing to do near a human dwelling. For many peoples, the woman in labor retired to the forest or to the tundra so as not to harm anyone. And the Slavs usually gave birth not in the house, but in another room, most often in a well-heated bath. The family said goodbye to the puerpera, realizing all the danger to which her life was exposed. The postpartum woman was laid near the washstand and was given a sash tied to a bar of battens in her hand so that she could hold on. During the entire time of childbirth, wedding or Epiphany candles were lit in front of the holy icons.

In order for the mother's body to open up better and release the child, the woman's hair was unraveled, doors and chests were opened in the hut, knots were untied, and locks were opened. Undoubtedly, psychologically it helped.

The expectant mother was usually helped by an elderly woman, a midwife grandmother, experienced in such matters. An indispensable condition was that she herself had healthy children, preferably boys.

In addition, the husband was often present during childbirth. Now this custom comes back to us as an experiment borrowed from abroad. Meanwhile, the Slavs did not see anything unusual in a strong, reliable, beloved and loving person next to a suffering, frightened woman.

The husband of the parturient woman was given a special role during childbirth: first of all, he had to remove the boot from his wife's right leg and let her drink, then untie the belt, and then press the knee against the back of the woman in labor in order to speed up labor.

Our ancestors also had a custom similar to the so-called kuvada of the peoples of Oceania: the husband often shouted and moaned instead of his wife. Why?! By this, the husband aroused the possible attention of evil forces, distracting them from the woman in labor!

After a successful birth, the midwife grandmother buried the baby seat in the corner of the hut or in the yard.

Immediately after birth, the mother touched the baby's mouth with her heel and said: "She carried it herself, brought it herself, fixed it herself." This was done so that the child grew up calm. Immediately after that, the midwife cut the umbilical cord, tied it and spoke a hernia, biting the navel 3 times and spitting 3 times over her left shoulder. If it was a boy, the umbilical cord was cut with a hatchet or arrow so that he would grow up as a hunter and artisan. If the girl is on a spindle, so that she grows up as a needlewoman. The navel was tied with a linen thread woven with the hair of the mother and father. "To bind" - in Old Russian "povit"; that's where the "midwives", "midwives" come from.

After spelling out the hernia, the baby was washed, saying: "Grow - from a bar height and a stove - thick!" Sometimes in barely heated water, so as not to burn, they put silver for purification and so that the child would grow up rich. To prevent the baby from being jinxed, they washed him for the first time in water slightly whitened with milk, then “for wealth” they put him on an inverted sheepskin coat. Washing the baby, the midwife "straightened his limbs" - corrected the head, which is usually soft as wax. In many ways, it depended on her ability what kind of child to be: round-headed, long-faced, or even a freak. After washing the baby, they swaddled him in a long narrow wrap and headband. If they were afraid that the baby would be restless, they swaddled him in his father's ports. To make the baby grow up beautiful and good-looking, they covered him with a green cloth. At first, the baby was left "free", and he lay somewhere on a bench until he got worried, screamed and "asked for a shake." Zybka is an oval bast box with a bottom made of thin planks, which the father had to make. If the birth took place in the hut, then the baby was handed over to the father first, and he laid him in the shake, as if thereby recognizing his paternity.

On the next day after giving birth, neighbors and acquaintances came to the happy mother with congratulations and brought her various sweets "by the tooth." A week later, and sometimes already on the third day, the mother returned to her household duties - but only after performing a cleansing ritual known as "washing hands." If a young mother had to go to work in the field, the care of the newborn was entrusted to the "pestunye" from the family - the old woman, and most often - to the little girl-sister.

3) Funeral rite.

The most ancient of the family rites is considered to be the funeral. To analyze the state of the funeral tradition and the genre of worship, the Starorussky district was chosen as the place of the most ancient settlement of the Slavs in this territory, and the Okulovsky district, inhabited by Novgorodians a little later, but located in the central part of the Novgorod region.

Researchers of the funeral and memorial rituals of the 19th-20th centuries. more than once they noted certain discrepancies between the religious and popular interpretation of death, the relationship between the body and soul of the deceased, the road to the afterlife and ideas about it, attitude to the cult of ancestors. The Christian interpretation of death as a blessing on the way to the "kingdom of heaven" was opposed by the popular idea of ​​it as a "villain", a hostile force. The funeral and memorial ceremony among the Eastern Slavs included several main points: actions before and during death; ablution and dressing of the deceased and his placement in the tomb; taking out of the house; funeral service in the church (if it was performed), burial, commemoration. Thus, with all the regional differences in the funeral and memorial rituals of the Eastern Slavs, three main stages were singled out in it: pre-burial, funeral and memorial, each of which, in addition to the practical, could have a different meaning. So, the procedure for washing the deceased, in addition to the hygienic one, also had a sacred, magical orientation.

The attitude towards the deceased has always been ambivalent. They were afraid of him and therefore sought to facilitate the deceased's transition to another world, as well as to protect themselves with the help of various magical actions from possible negative consequences in contact with him.

The signs and predictions that foreshadowed the death of a particular person or someone close to him were similar among the East Slavic peoples. They were interpreted as the beginning of a new period of time in the human life cycle - "the magic of the first day." Until now, the harbingers of the death of a loved one are considered the extraordinary behavior of pets, birds, a broken mirror, the ejection of a flower by a never-flowering houseplant, a bird beating through the window, the creak of beams, furniture, etc.

The death of a person was perceived as the transmigration of the soul into another space - into the afterlife. It was believed that the souls of an adult and a child are different. Death in Russian folklore tradition was perceived as an enemy. This was preserved in the texts recorded in the late 70s - mid 80s. In crying, death is called a "villain", a "murderer" who does not make concessions, does not heed pleas and requests. The dead sleeps, remaining a human being (the deceased is a calm person), but if the deceased had his eyes open, they were closed and copper dimes were placed over the eyelids. It is quite possible that this was also connected with a kind of ransom from death, for it was believed that the deceased was looking out for someone from the living people or even animals remaining in the house, wishing to take them with him. In such cases, they usually said: "He looks - he will see someone." Coins (dimes) were then left in the coffin. It is interesting that the ransom in this rite manifested itself in another way, for example, if for a long time they could not find the body of a drowned person, then there was a custom to throw silver money into the water in order to redeem it from the water.

At the funeral of those who did not have time to marry, the funeral rite in certain features was combined with the wedding. The Ukrainians buried the girl as a bride, and the boy as a groom. The girl's head was decorated with flowers and ribbons. Both the guy and the girl were put on a metal ring on their right hand, but this was not done in relation to a married man and a married woman. In the case of the Ukrainians of Primorye, in a similar case, a flower was pinned to a guy's hat or chest. Both the young man and the girl were carried to the cemetery by young men, who had kerchiefs tied on their right hands, as at a wedding at the churchwardens. Other elements of the wedding ceremony were also used, in particular, something like a wedding procession was arranged with all the characters of the wedding celebration: matchmaker, boyfriends, boyars, etc. In a number of Russian regions, married women were also buried in a specially kept wedding dress. This custom was found in the Far East as well.

At the cemetery, towels were untied, and the coffin was lowered onto them into the grave. Then one towel was hung on the cross, erected on the grave, the others were given to the funeral. Leaving a towel - a symbol of the way, the road - served as a coastal action. Before they lowered the coffin into the grave, relatives threw a penny there (in former times a silver one), which meant that they bought themselves a place next to the deceased, and everyone else threw copper, while saying: "Here's your share - don't ask for more" ... In essence, this can be viewed as a far-off. However, it was believed that the deceased needed money in order to pay for transportation across a river or lake in the next world. It is known that the image of a river and a crossing in folklore consciousness is traditional not only for Russian, but also for world culture.

In the modern funeral rite, the contours of the old, still pagan rite are visible, but it is also noticeable that the magical content of the ritual action has largely been erased. The traditional funeral rite has always been accompanied by laments (laments). In the Novgorod Oblast, they sometimes say “cry at the voice,” while in the Starorusskiy District, they say “voice,” “numbing”. It is possible to note a clear decrease in the tradition of petting from the 70s to the 90s. In the mid-90s, crying is recorded less and less. Lamentations have no stable text. In them, the improvisational principle and, consequently, the poetic abilities of the mourners themselves play an important role.

In lamentations, death was called a villain, the coffin is a domina or domina, the road is a long, irreversible path. The dead were washed by neighbors or relatives with plain water and soap, wiped them with a towel, they believed that sins were forgiven for washing. They thanked the washer, gave her what they could. The people who washed the deceased were dressed. The clothes were prepared in advance. Necessarily buried in the clothes that the deceased bequeathed, fulfilling the will of the deceased. The deceased was wearing soft shoes, most often slippers. The deceased goes to live there, so he must look good.

Until the position of the deceased, he was placed in a coffin on a bench, a sheet of self-woven cloth was spread under it. While the deceased was lying in the house, an icon was placed in the coffin, it was taken from the coffin to the cemetery and brought home. On the day of the funeral, spruce branches were scattered to the road so that the deceased would walk along a clean road (spruce is a clean tree), then the branches were burned. The body was carried out of the house on hands, feet first. The deceased was carried to the cemetery - it was considered more respectful to carry.

An even number of people carried the coffin. Relatives followed the coffin, and then everyone else. The grave was dug on the day of the funeral, but it was not done by relatives. The coffin was lowered into the grave on towels, and then they were left in the pit (grave). The memorial meal depended on fasting. During the fast, lean food was to be prepared. After the funeral, they wore mourning clothes for forty days: a black dress, a black scarf. It was believed that the soul of the deceased was in the house for forty days. Celebrated with commemoration of the ninth, twentieth, fortieth days, six months, a year.

Family rituals and traditions are in every family. And if you think that you do not have them, you are deeply mistaken. For example, the everyday "Good morning!" or saying good night can be safely called a tradition. And if you have a rule, for example, every Christmas or Easter to gather with grandparents, or, as in our family, traditionally to grill barbecue on May 1 and 9, then this is a real family tradition.

Why are family rituals needed? What can they give children? Agree that recently the concept of "family" has a slightly different meaning than before. Many couples believe that the main task of a family is to give birth to children, feed them, dress them, and give them a normal education (by the way, not everyone thinks about education, unfortunately). But a real family is not just living under one roof and fulfilling the responsibilities of parents. A real family, as they say in one popular definition, is "an association of people based on marriage or consanguinity, and linked by a common life, mutual moral responsibility and mutual assistance."

Simply put, these are not just relatives living together under one roof, these are people who help and love each other, support, rejoice and be sad together ... They are together, but at the same time respect the opinions and interests of each other. And they absolutely have something more that unites them into one whole. And this is not a stamp in the passport. It is this “something” that is family rituals (traditions).

In your memory, for sure, there are fond memories from childhood, in which you decorate a Christmas tree with the whole family or get together with a large family to celebrate some significant events with grandmothers, grandfathers, uncles and aunts. Such memories always warm the soul, because they are bright and pleasant. And you and I must make sure that our children, when they grow up and become adults, remember their childhood with the same warmth and love. .

Why are family rituals needed?

What is the meaning of these traditions? What can they give children? How important are they for the full development of a child? Let's try to understand this topic. In my opinion, family traditions must be in every family.

In our family, there are several obligatory traditions that we always observe:

• Celebrating the new year exclusively at home.
• For the birthday of each family member, I bake his favorite cake.
• On Victory Day, we always go to the parade, congratulate the veterans, and then grill a barbecue at home.
• For the holidays we give gifts to all family members.
• For the new year, also for pets.
• We recently had another tradition : Celebrate September 1st and the last bell at the end of the school year with our child's favorite foods.

In addition, there are a lot of everyday rituals that have entered our lives so tightly that we take them for granted. For example, kissing when meeting or saying goodbye, calling grandparents in the evening, wishing everyone a good day in the morning, having dinner with the whole family, before going to bed no one goes to bed until they say good night and kiss the others, etc. There are actually a lot of them. But the main question is: do these rituals really matter and have an impact on the state of the family and its members? Psychologists say that yes, family traditions are necessary and very important, especially for children. .

Because:

1. They contribute to the harmonious development of the child. ... Because tradition is a regular repetition of the same actions, which means constancy. For children, such stability of actions is very important, it is thanks to her that the child eventually ceases to be afraid of the incomprehensible and frightening surrounding large world. And really, why be afraid if everything is stable and clear, and most importantly, your parents are nearby? In addition, family rituals help the child see in the parents not only strict mentors and educators, but also friends with whom you can spend time interestingly.
2. Adults need family rituals for a sense of family unity. , they strengthen relationships and bring them closer together. Indeed, most often in such joint moments, an adult relaxes and experiences the most positive emotions.
3. Family cultural enrichment ... Tradition becomes not a combination of separate “I”, but a full-fledged unit of society called “family”, and this is important not only for the family itself, but also for the cultural heritage of the whole society.

From the above, the conclusion suggests itself: family rituals are necessary and very important. As it turned out, not only for children, but also for adults. If your family does not yet have traditions, then you should think about creating them.

General and specific family rituals

I bring to your attention the most popular (common) traditions that are in most families:

• Celebrating family holidays (birthdays, weddings and other holidays specific to your family).
• Sharing household responsibilities (cleaning, washing, putting things in order and putting things in their places, etc.), such a tradition will teach the child to be in order, plus teach him to take care of others.
• Joint games with children with the participation of adults (well, how can there be something more unifying than a fun time together ?!), such games bring the child very close to the parents and make their relationship strong and trusting.
• Family dinner (breakfast, lunch - it doesn't matter, the main thing is that at least once a day all family members gather at the same table).
• Family council , on which important issues or controversial (conflict) situations are discussed, plans are made, the family budget is planned (it is important to involve children in such a discussion in order to teach them responsibility).
• The carrot-and-stick tradition ... Each family should have its own rules about what can and cannot be done and how to punish someone who breaks these rules. The incentive for adhering to the rules should also be negotiated. Some parents reward their child with money, some - by going to the cinema or to the attractions. The main thing is not to overdo it, so that excessive exactingness does not make the child angry and envious.
• Traditions of greetings and goodbyes (I already wrote about them above using my family as an example).
• Days of Remembrance of the Dead relatives and friends.
• Joint cultural events (trips to the circus, cinema, theater, joint recreation and travel).

In addition to these traditions, there are also special traditions that are inherent in any particular family. For example, on weekends to send to a picnic (at any time of the year) or a joint movie watching on Sunday evenings, and others.

Family rituals can be conditionally divided into two groups: those that developed by themselves and those that were deliberately created by each family. I suggest that you familiarize yourself with such unusual traditions that have been created, maybe you will like some and will eventually become your family tradition.

So:

• Joint night fishing for all family members, including mom and girls, if any.
• An evening walk before going to bed with the whole family. An excellent tradition, it seems to me, especially in winter. We must offer our household.
• Cooking together Sunday lunch or dinner.
• Football day (or any other sport). The whole family dresses in sportswear, takes sports equipment and goes to the nearest sports field to play football (volleyball, tennis, badminton, etc.).
• Quest for the birthday boy ... And it does not matter at all whether it is a child or a grandfather, in the morning the birthday person receives a card, according to which he looks for clues leading to his gift (I personally really like this idea, I will take a note and offer it to my family).
• A trip to the sea in winter with the whole family ... Believe me, having a picnic in the fresh winter air near the sea and then spending the night in a winter tent will give you an unforgettable experience and unite your family.
• Draw cards to each other ... For no reason, just like that, from the heart. Or, as an apology, a guilty family member can draw a postcard and write to the offender: “Forgive me, I was wrong. I love you very much".
• Bedtime story ... This does not mean when a mother reads a fairy tale to a child before bedtime, but all family members read it in turn, even with a night light, so that the atmosphere is more fabulous and mysterious.
• Celebrate the new year every year in different places ... If finances allow, then you can start a tradition of meeting in different cities and countries, if not, then it is enough to simply change places, for example, on a city square or on the roof of a high-rise building, or in an elevator. Here who has some imagination.
• Arrange creative Saturday nights ... The whole family gets together and takes turns reading poetry, or telling different stories, or coming up with one big story all together, each line by line. You can also put on a home show.
• We speak kind words ... Every time before a meal, all family members say pleasant words or compliments to each other.
• Party on the train ... Some families have a tradition of celebrating all family holidays on the train.

How to create your own family tradition?

To create your own special family tradition, you need only two things: your desire and the consent of all household members.

The principle of creating a new tradition looks like this:

• Come up with a tradition ... Try to involve all family members in this activity, so you will quickly find exactly what you need.
• Bring it to life, put your idea to the test ... The main thing is to saturate it with a positive, then, with a high probability, everyone will accept this tradition, and they will look forward to its repetition.
• Do not implement many different daily rituals at once. ... For your ritual to take root and be accepted by your family, a certain amount of time must pass. You shouldn't turn the whole daily routine into a ritual - leave room for pleasant surprises and surprises!
• Secure the ritual ... Repeat it several times so that it will be remembered and observed by all household members. But do not turn it into absurdity, if you have invented, for example, a daily evening walk, and there is a blizzard outside and minus 20, then it is better to refuse the walk (especially if the family has small children). So that later the tradition of treating the whole family does not appear☺.

Sometimes it happens that in a newly created family, the spouses have different ideas about family rituals. For example, in the family of the bride it was customary to celebrate all the holidays with the family, and in the family of the groom, the holidays were celebrated in a close family circle, and that was not all. What to do in this case? The answer is simple - to seek a compromise. Calmly discuss the problem that has arisen and come up with a new (own) tradition that will suit both spouses.

Consultation for parents

« Family celebrations and rituals»

In the history of the Russian people, at first, only one Russia was depicted - the historical-social, forgetting the family Russia, perhaps the only one in the life of the Russian people. We must correctly and fully depict our life, presenting our life with all its changes. No stranger would understand the delights of our family life so well: they would not warm up his imaginations so much, they would not awaken such memories.

Because of this, our native tunes speak so sweetly about the Russian soul, about the homeland and ancestors; our epics are so generous with memories of our grandfather's grief; our fairy tales delight us so much with their retellings, our native language Russian; this is why our games soothe young people after work; that is why the ardent Russian soul of generations is so briskly having fun at our weddings; from this, the general world life is reflected in the superstitious beliefs of our people.

There was grandmother's pedagogy. With her maternal instinct, her experienced eye, the grandmother first sees his character in the uncertain steps and babble of the baby, perceives him as a Human. And carefully, affectionately, she introduces the young creature into the world. Grandma is always there, like a kind spirit at home. She will forgive and understand a lot, she would rather regret than offend. A child and a grandmother - this familiar combination was so normal for all of us that when we lost it in city apartments, we did not immediately understand the size of what was lost.

Peasant families try to involve their children in work from an early age. The village children can do a lot: feed and milk a cow, shear sheep, dig up and plant a vegetable garden, mow grass, do laundry, iron the clothes, heat the hut.

The researchers noted that Russian peasant children were engaged in 85 types of work only around the house. Adults did not really need the help of children, they could do without it. However, they deliberately attracted children to work, well understanding its upbringing role.

Russian peasants loved to sing polyphonic songs in chorus, the song was a part of their life. Singing together - feeling like one family. There are no lonely singers. Neither holidays, nor weddings, nor seeing off young men in the army were complete without tears.

There is a traditional association of family rituals around the most important periods of human life - birth, marriage, death. From here comes the chain of childbirth, wedding, funeral rituals accompanying these rites.

For example, in the family holiday "Name day", spiritual birth was considered more significant than bodily, and from this the birthday remained invisible, and the day of the angel or name day was celebrated throughout life by everyone who was allowed by the state.

But now, unfortunately, many fascinating, funny, colorful elements of ancient customs are undeservedly forgotten. Customs, despite their common acceptance, are not something immutable. Indicative in this sense is such a family and household ritual as a wedding. Previously, the wedding was played as a whole performance. At present, in that wedding ceremony, which is closer to the ancient one, many components are missing. So, matchmaking plays a conditional role, everything is now decided by the young, there are no sorrowful ritual lamentations.