Parenting: transforming a restless stubborn child into an obedient and disciplined child. The day I stopped rushing my child ...

Alla (Crimea): I just came from the parent meeting. They praised my first-class son for how smart he is, BUT VERY slow - while he writes 1 page of the copybook, others will write three. How can I help him develop so that he can switch more easily and do tasks faster? I try to approach it in different ways. And discipline (immediately into tears and tantrums), and rewards (helped briefly). What to do?

Victoria Vinnikova, math teacher, answers:

Hello Alla. Your worries are understandable. First grade is always a test for parents and children. A child's success is a painful issue for parents. Everyone wants his child to study well and do everything. And then they complain about him. Although at the same time they admit that the child is smart, assiduous, one thing is bad - slow. Can't keep up with everyone in the class. What to do? How can I help him?

At the very beginning of their education, children develop basic skills and abilities. Finding the right approach to your child is a key task to stimulate their desire to learn, rather than discourage them with inappropriate actions. Let's try to answer your questions using the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Slowness as a feature of the psyche

Obviously, all children have a different learning rate, and this is normal. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to objectively see the characteristics of different children and understand what approach they need for the best development.

According to the SVP, there are people with a special mentality, they are characterized by special thinking - analytical. They are very fond of figuring out everything in order to understand until the very end. For them, haste is equal to a mistake. And they do not like to make mistakes, on the contrary, they want to do everything cleanly and correctly.

Such children have not yet put everything in their minds on their mental shelves, they cannot perceive information. All knowledge should already be systematized at the entrance and assigned to a certain class. Naturally, this takes time. Thus, their slowness is the flip side of their analytical thinking and the desire to do any job well. Such features are possessed by 20% of people. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines them as representatives of the anal vector.

Each vector is a group of desires. Desires are given to us for a reason, but to fulfill a certain role in society. In a developed state, people with an anal vector are prominent scientists, doctors, teachers. After all, these professions require a phenomenal memory, the ability to systematize and analyze huge amounts of information. And with great pleasure your child begins to hone his properties at school. He loves to learn and enjoys the work done carefully.

Is speed of execution an advantage?

In contrast to such students, there are other children with a skin vector. On the contrary, they are very mobile, quick-witted, quickly grasp information, but do not remember it for a long time. They say about such people: "It flew into one ear - it flew into the other." It is also difficult to teach such nimble guys, because they lack the same perseverance that your son has.

How to reward a slow child?

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan clearly shows that, based on the different mental structure, such children are needed. Skin children are good at discipline and restraint. And children with an anal vector - praise and encouragement. You tried to apply discipline and restriction to your child, while he is simply immune to them.

So your task is to praise him for the quality and cleanliness, for the accuracy and ability to understand all the details of what he does. That is, for those strengths that are naturally in it and require development. You will just see how your child will be filled with joy. Give him a little more time. After all, now he is practicing basic skills. And you reward him for accuracy and correctness. Find the right words, tell him more often that he is a clever and well done man, he did everything so beautifully and correctly. We assure you, he will get double pleasure from it. And when the skill is mastered, he will be able to complete tasks at a normal pace. Soon you will be proud of your son's success, and the teacher will set him up as an example.

You just need to combine internal and external forces. Do not allow external forces to conflict with the internal structure of your child's psyche. Let him know to himself that yes, he is a little slow. But he does it correctly and efficiently. If he is rushed, he must already stand up for himself. Have in your stock these arguments, which are voiced to him by his mother.

For a child with an anal vector, mom has a special meaning. All his behavior depends on her opinion. He is not very decisive and depends on what mom says. She is sacred to him, her word is the highest value. Your understanding of the characteristics of his psyche and the right approach to him are necessary to maintain a sense of safety and security - the basic feeling that a child needs to develop.

Should I rush a slow child?

To demand speed from such a child is fundamentally wrong. You get neither speed nor quality. Even if he tries, he will not succeed. He has a different rhythm of work - calm, thoughtful, measured. By urging him on, you knock him out of this rhythm and instead of speeding up you get a stupor - he is simply not able to act in conditions of haste that are uncomfortable for him, his mental activity is literally paralyzed. As a result, it slows down even more!

The only exception can be children who have both skin and anal vectors. But by urging such a child, you will stimulate his skin vector, the anal vector will not develop at this moment, and then you will already have complaints about the child's restlessness and inability to keep order.

So, in your case, you need to learn slowly and surely. Correctness and accuracy are your allies. And speed will always be at the expense of quality. You must know about this yourself and convey this information to loved ones. Teachers should also know this.

Slow child. Conversation with the teacher

You need to take the position of your child. And be sure to talk to the teacher. Suggest to the teacher that your son should be praised for his quality, accuracy, and accuracy. And, most importantly, do not rush, then he will master everything and will not get stuck. In no case should you make a sprinter out of him, this will lead to a decrease in quality and resentment. As a result, instead of an excellent student, a critic and stubborn will grow, in the worst case, he may completely lose interest in learning.

Talk to the teacher calmly, you both want the best for the child. After all, the teacher has many children in the class. And every parent wants an individual approach. But working with parents who know the characteristics of their child helps the teacher. It is important to look for interaction, not blame.

At the same time, clearly show the teacher your position that you are on the side of the child and understand the peculiarities of his psyche. And you will not, together with the teacher, remake it to the general standards.

Using the knowledge of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, parents and teachers can easily adapt to any child's characteristics, helping them to develop the best that is in them.

At the training of Yuri Burlan, parents begin to understand their child with all their hearts, and this is enough to grow a creative, harmonious personality out of him, joyfully interact with him and help overcome difficulties in his studies.

You can learn more about your golden child already at the free online lectures of Yuri Burlan: http://www.yburlan.ru/training/registration-deti

The article was written using materials from trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

At 3-6 years old, the child already forms his own system of relationships with the outside world. He already thinks independently, analyzes the received emotions, becomes inquisitive: the questions “how”, “why”, “why” are his main instrument of understanding the world. At this age, memory is improved, the child not only accumulates impressions and life experience is enriched, but also a logical understanding of what was received through the senses occurs. The child begins to feel his ego - he is aware of himself as a person, is critical of his actions and thoughts.

I want you to know everything

Of course, at this age, feelings and experiences also play an important role, but, nevertheless, the child is already developing self-discipline, will, it becomes possible to control yourself... He begins to learn the rules of behavior in kindergarten, in society, in the family. Feelings such as friendliness, compassion, attention to people, a sense of duty appear. In the process of teaching and upbringing, one must take into account the increased capabilities of the child's psyche and physiology, but they cannot be overestimated.

In the 60-70s of the last century, the public quite sharply raised the question of the methods of upbringing and teaching preschool children in connection with scientific and technical progress and acceleration. The experience of raising seven children was widely reported in the media the Nikitin family... As a result of the application of the Nikitins' methodology, their children at the age of three could read, at five they could count up to a million, solved algebraic problems, knew the periodic table, and foreign languages.

This experiment caused a lot of discussion, some approved of it, while others condemned it. Such scientists as I.A. Arshavsky, G.N. Speransky, teacher N.M. Aksarin believed that overestimating the capabilities of a child at an early age is simply unacceptable... Psychologist L.S. Vygotsky wrote that each training has the most optimal timing, therefore, both too early and too late training will always be harmful from the point of view of the child's development and will have a bad effect on his mental development.

Many parents, and even teachers, were in a hurry to teach children to read and write at 3-4 years old, referring to the accelerated pace of the twentieth century. But you shouldn't do that. The child still has too modest life experience, and reading for him is mainly of a purely mechanical nature. He cannot yet feel and understand all the beauty and richness of the printed word. The desire to speed up the education of the child teachers F.A. Sokhin and A.M. Fonarev was called "artificial acceleration"

The child's body and psyche develop in stages, each age period comes after another.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote that by violating this order, we grow fruits that have neither taste nor ripeness, and which will immediately deteriorate.

The Polish teacher J. Korczak believed that it is impossible to teach children "unnaturalness" - it is pointless to repeat jagged "adult" phrases. Children cannot think like adults, they delve into adult problems like a child; due to a lack of experience and knowledge, the process of their thinking proceeds in a different way.

Emotions, experiences that are inaccessible to comprehension will be just as much extra ballast for a child as knowledge, the full meaning of which he is not able to understand.

Let's evaluate the capabilities of the preschooler

At the age of 5-6 years, children are able to master account, add and subtract within a hundred, solve simple problems, find parts of a whole, measure the volumes of bulk and liquid bodies using a yardstick, distinguish between geometric shapes and bodies. The development of a child's abilities is favorably affected by the use of "visual aids" closely related to everyday life, nature, which are objects of reality.

Developing rapidly speech preschool children. They even invent new words themselves. They enrich their vocabulary, form coherent and emotionally colored speech, the range of their intonations becomes more saturated. Children begin to freely express their feelings and thoughts, read poems willingly, and are interested in poetic images.

Try to encourage children to speak up by deliberately creating situations in which their speaking skills will develop and improve. The formation of internal speech also occurs when children find themselves in situations that make them internally agree, doubt, affirm or deny.

The process of development of speech determines a more active inclusion of the child in the life of the collective, family. Receiving any errands from adults, he already mentally draws up a plan of action and represents what the result should look like.

One of the important stages in the mental development of children is the ability navigate space and time... Initially, they master the concepts "quickly", "long", "immediately", "gradually", then they begin to distinguish the time of day, by the age of 6-7 they are already able to recognize the time by the clock.

How and when to teach to write and read?

On the question of when to start teaching children reading, Professor N. M. Aksarina did not recommend doing this until the age of five, since before this age the child does not fully understand the meaning of what he has read. When learning the alphabet, from the very beginning, you need to teach the child the correct pronunciation of sounds. The same applies to teaching to read: it is important to follow certain pedagogical rules.

If someone in your family has speech impairments (stutters, lisps), he should not participate in teaching the child to read. The correctness of the formation of the grammatical structure of the child's speech is highly dependent on culture of speech of his parents.

V. A. Sukhomlinsky tried to turn teaching children to read into a joyful process that would leave a deep bright mark in their lives. Before they entered school, he conducted classes with children in nature, in communication with its natural beauty.

If you bring reading and counting to the teaching of children elements of entertainment, it will bring them pleasure. However, if you resort to shouts and punishments, rush children, show irritability, they may develop a negative attitude towards such activities.

It should be borne in mind that children with phlegmatic character, i.e. with slowed down thinking, speech and actions, the learning process is not as fast as that of their peers with more mobile processes of the nervous system. Having mastered literacy, they read calmly and unhurriedly, in contrast to restless and excitable children who learn to read and count quickly, but, showing haste, make many mistakes.

It is also undesirable to haste in the desire of some parents to teach write preschool children. At school, children are taught according to a special method that allows them to develop beautiful handwriting. Incorrect handwriting formed before the child enters school is quite difficult to correct, sometimes it is fraught with tears and other problems.

After reaching the age of 3-6 years, children usually show Creative skills... They are interested in drawing, modeling, music, vocals, dancing. Both in kindergarten and in the family there are many opportunities for the aesthetic education of preschoolers and the development of their innate talents. Excursions and walks with adults can contribute to this, but children should not be overstrained and overexcited. The most beneficial influence on their aesthetic development will be communication with nature.

After entering school, the child should be vaccinated and labor skills- cleaning the room, tidying up the rooms, handling the simplest tools (scissors, hammer). The content and nature of the child's work must correspond to his age, he must be subject to organization and control. In no case should children be involved in heavy physical work, and they should not be given such assignments, in the course of which children may be injured.

Raising children has never been easy. Because any child, even a small one, is already an independent person. He has his own individual traits and characteristics. Parents, however, first of all want the children to obey, follow the instructions, once again not run, not jump, not whine and there are many other "not ..."

Attempts to make the child obedient do not lead to a positive result. We will now figure out some of the intricacies of correct communication with children, so that from the tomboys who always behave restlessly, at the same time are stubborn and often offended, learn how to raise disciplined children, capable of painstaking work and at the same time quick thinking.

Parenting: finishing touches to a portrait

He does not like to sit still, loves outdoor games. Shouting, making noise, running and jumping are the most enjoyable activities. It can be assiduous, but it is almost impossible to get them to do hard work. In this case, as a rule, reward works great. Traded as a reward for fulfilling a request.

Hearing parental instructions, he rests like a stubborn bull, and will not budge until he achieves a small prize for obedience. Sometimes he is obedient, trying to help his beloved mother, and flourishes when he hears praise in his address. Lips blow on unfulfilled communication by parents; deprived of attention or gifts, is greatly offended.

Quarrels with parents lead to violent behavior. Throw a toy on the floor in your hearts or go and win back on a neighbor's cat ? The degree of aggression depends on how deeply the resentment is entrenched.

Raising children with such a character is a difficult task at first glance. But having figured out all the intricacies, we can easily make it simple, and the child happy.

Parenting: rush can't wait

One of the key points from which all conflicts begin is the parental habit of rushing the child when he completes any task.

Put your toys away quickly, we're leaving! Go get dressed.

Stop picking at the plate, it's time for you to do your homework!

Why are you putting on shoes for so long, we’re late, after all ...

It would seem that such a nimble child like yours should cope with everything else quickly. But it was not there. Instead, he begins to rush, fuss and, realizing that he is not coping with anything, drops the case halfway, offended by you for some unknown reason.

Very understandable, actually. Such a child has two types of psyche at the same time. It is a fast cutaneous vector and a leisurely anal vector. Their properties are completely different from one another, so there is a lot of confusion in behavior.

The skin vector is manifested in the child by the desire for movement, increased activity. This he does not allow him to sit still calmly. The anal vector, on the contrary, is prone to slow and careful execution of affairs, calm sedentary games.

A child only with a skin vector approaches business from the position of speed of execution and does not pay attention to quality. The anal vector requires thoroughness from its owner in the execution of the case.

And if both types of psyche are present in one child, parents need to understand that when they give him a task, then it is imperative to give the child time to complete it.

Therefore, dear parents, you must not rush! You can wait until your baby completes one assignment and only then turn to him with the next request. Even if the request is about little things, do not rush to set several tasks for the child at the same time. Otherwise, the internal haste of the skin vector will begin to slow down the properties of the anal type of psyche, which can cope with tasks only if the person is not rushed.

Parenting: Poor Qualities Developed by Parents

A person with an anal vector, with proper development, grows up as a perfectionist, he brings any business to the end and without a single mistake. He is capable of this naturally only if no one drives him in the neck, and even in childhood he was allowed to calmly improve his properties.

The protective functions of the anal vector are stupidity and stubbornness. They guarantee that any business will be done perfectly or not done at all, that is, they put a person into a stupor if they are rushed too much. And the task, thus, remains unfulfilled, because he completely loses the desire to do anything. Instead, the child begins to be stubborn, because he simply cannot "faster".

But since our child also has a strong desire to move, it means that this significantly reduces his perseverance and desire to laboriously work on lessons, for example. And the frequent hurrying of the baby completely minimizes his natural perseverance. In this case, parents may have absolutely no idea that their child is generally able to devote a lot of time to one business.

As a result, one of the main qualities of the anal vector, perfectionism, does not develop in the child at all, but instead, stubbornness grows and grows stronger before our eyes. Stubbornness goes hand in hand with resentment. They are born in response to the same mishandling.

Raising Children: A Miraculous Transformation

In order for a child to grow up without offense and develop harmoniously in all its properties, it is necessary to correctly set tasks for him and take into account the features of both vectors.

The skin vector requires mobility, it has a logical mindset. The interests of such a child range from all kinds of active activities, which include any kind of sports, to exercises in quickness of mind, solving logical problems, finding interesting paths. A skin child is perfectly capable of this, because one of its main natural features is the search for the most profitable paths.

Thus, we see that and, you just need to choose the right occupation. And the properties of the anal vector add to it even more perseverance and ability to analyze tasks.

The main thing at this moment is not to rip the child from his place and not to divert his attention to something else. Because those who love novelty, its skin properties are immediately carried away by the new, and the old is forgotten.

Try to select games and tasks in different directions for the child so that both of his vectors can prove themselves. And the encouragement will be, firstly, praise (it perfectly stimulates the anal vector) and something material (for the skin vector).

The anal vector, if the child is treated according to his properties, makes the baby obedient and ready to carry out assignments at the first request of the parents.

The skin vector pushes to action the awareness of the benefits that it will receive, and the discipline to which in the same way it is necessary to accustom. It is not necessary to promise only rewards, it is necessary to use restrictions on games, entertainment, and so on.

If you have managed to deal with anal stubbornness, then you are already halfway to obedience. The child will not resist your request just like that. And a little emphasis on the fact that something desirable awaits him ahead will add speed to the execution of the case.

The main task of parents in raising children, who can be characterized as obedient fidgets (with proper development, of course) is to make sure that in moments of stressful situations, and there are always plenty of them in every person's life, they can use their innate properties for the good, and not to your detriment.

Because the usual situation that an anal-dermal person easily gets into, be it an adult or a child, is a stupor at moments of making quick decisions and fidgeting and haste at moments when, on the contrary, it is necessary to show perseverance and do everything carefully.

To prevent this from happening, study the combination of the skin and anal vectors and develop the child harmoniously in both directions.

The article was written using materials from trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

It's hard to resist. Also because the baby, with all his behavior, demonstrates an ardent desire for change. But a child is truly ready for new skills only when he is able to master them on his own. The parents' task is not to help: the later (within reasonable limits) the vertical load on the spine and legs occurs, the better.

Should I plant a child?

Already at 5-6 months, babies can sit for some time with a support under their back - for example, in a stroller or chaise lounge. It is even more likely a reclining position, in which the load on the muscles of the back and spine is reduced. But it is not worth repeating the same thing, putting pillows over the child - soft surfaces do not sufficiently support the still weak spine.

According to the standards, it is worth placing children in a highchair or stroller at the age of six months. If you try to do this before, you can harm: the pressure on the bones of the pelvis and spine will be excessively strong and can cause curvature of the bones. This is especially true for girls: such pelvic deformities can complicate childbirth in the future.

As for sitting without a support under the back, most babies are capable of this at 7 months. Moreover, children do it on their own not from a lying position, like adults. They sit down, either standing on all fours and squatting, or standing in the crib. In a sitting position, the baby quickly gets tired, your task is to help him change his body position to a more comfortable one.

Healthy: for the development of the back, arms, legs and buttocks, try the "Wheelbarrow" exercise: lift and support the baby lying on his stomach under the pelvis and knees so that he, leaning only on outstretched arms, "walked" them forward.

When can you put your baby in?

At about 7 months, the baby first begins to get up in the crib. First for a minute, then longer and longer. Sitting the child back by force, of course, will not work, but it is not worth putting him on purpose. This is especially true for large babies: the more weight, the stronger the pressure on the bones of the legs.

Healthy: after the child has learned to get up (as a rule, this happens in the crib), it is very important to teach him to lower himself back by moving the handles down the bars, bending his knees and standing first on them, and then sitting on the bottom. The baby will not be able to master this process on his own, and will simply start crying from fatigue, or even fall back and hit.

Do you need a walker?

The most useful and physiological process for an 8–10 month old baby is crawling. Without overloading the spine, it provides work for all muscles. So, the more and more actively the child crawls, the better.

As for walking by the handles and especially walkers, pediatricians unanimously call them harmful. Driving by the arms overloads the musculoskeletal system, and the walker interferes with the understanding of the walking process itself. The kid does not feel the ground under his feet, does not learn to place his feet correctly, because in a walker he pushes off with his toes, and does not stand on his entire foot. This is especially harmful for children with increased tone of the lower extremities.

Healthy: when the baby begins to actively move, holding on to the furniture, it is possible to stimulate independent walking without support. But this happens, as a rule, closer to 11-12 months.

Does your baby take the first steps, but flop on the floor in a frightened way? This means that the crumbs already have a desire to move independently, without the help of adults, but something else interferes. You can help him master a new type of movement, but you should not specifically focus on getting the child to go as soon as possible. Here's why.

All parents want their child to go before the others. They try to show their best efforts and follow the advice of various specialists, representatives of the older generation, in order to speed up this process. However, it's still better to be patient and not rush your baby - everything has its time, everything should go on as usual. Thus, you will not harm the child's health and give him the opportunity to take the first important steps in his life.

Of course, you need to stimulate the little one to take his first steps and walk confidently. To do this, try placing a new toy on the chair, which you can reach only after getting off the floor and two steps away from your baby. So he, for sure, will have a desire to touch a beautiful car or doll, and it is quite possible that this, albeit not on the first try, will work out.

But experts do not recommend specifically teaching the baby to walk. It is believed that a person from birth is able to master the main physiological processes by himself - this is inherent in nature. Therefore, there is no need to deliberately hold the child's hands, try to "walk" around the room with him. He can handle it just fine on his own. Everything has its time: a little earlier or a little later than his peers, but your little one will learn to walk. Each baby develops in its own way, and there is no need to rush him. First, he will go, relying on various objects, furniture in the room, and then on his own.

The child learns to walk: what parents should not do

1. Strongly patronize the baby

Without giving him freedom of action and choice. It is not worthwhile to support the crumb every time when he tries to get up and give him everything he asks for. Create situations for him to hit and take the toy that he wants. Otherwise, you will slow down the child's development process, preventing him from thinking, making decisions and acting on his own.

2. Leave in the arena for a long time

Remaining for a long period in the arena or crib, the baby tries to stand, holding on to the side, and quickly gets tired, which is why the load is not distributed correctly on the legs, the ligaments are stretched, and the foot can be deformed.

3. Don't rely on a walker

They not only benefit, but can also harm the child. He, of course, is interested in skating, pushing off the floor with his feet. But with this movement, the baby's foot can be deformed. Instead of learning to walk straight, he will try to sit down, as the walker allows it. Thus, the walker can postpone the moment when the child independently walks for 2-3 months.

4. Take your time to put on shoes for your baby

As soon as the toddler starts to stand up, many parents try to put on his shoes faster, as they believe that this will simplify this task. However, there is no need to rush: the child is already not easy, for him there is a lot of new things. You can teach your baby to shoes before he starts taking his first steps.

5. Don't put your baby on his feet

You cannot rush, rush the child - it is worth taking into account his individual physiological and genetic characteristics. He has to go himself, even if a little later than you expected, but this will be in accordance with his development. When you put your child on his feet, there is a danger of disrupting the formation of the foot.