Beauty and health of teeth 

Lesson on family education "distribution of responsibilities in the family." How to make the division of duties in the family fair

How do you decide who should take out the trash and who should do the dishes? Household chores take a lot of time, and you should not assign them to one person. It is better when both adults and children know exactly what they have to do around the house. So how do you distribute household chores so that everyone is happy?

The man is the breadwinner, who fully provides for the family, and the woman is the mistress, on whom the comfort in the house and the satiety of all family members depend. A few decades ago, this was exactly the case. Now a lot has changed: women work on an equal footing with men. There has been a redistribution of responsibilities, and the traditional way of life no longer fits into modern realities.

"We were eaten by life." Isn't this phrase the main argument in a divorce? But it seems that it is difficult to decide who and what will do? For example, ironing, washing, cleaning, cooking fall on the shoulders of the wife, and the man is engaged in men's affairs: screwing in light bulbs, nailing shelves. But, you must admit, no one will hammer nails every day, but cleaning and cooking is just something that you can’t get away from. A little unfair, right? A woman comes home from work, and a whole bunch of household chores falls on her shoulders, which she is able to redo only under the threat of a death sentence. Because of this, conflicts arise in the family. To prevent this, it is worth distributing all family responsibilities in advance.

To begin with, all family members need to get together for a family council and decide who and what they would like to do. Maybe the husband loves to cook, and for him it is not only easy, but also a great pleasure. But washing dishes, which is a common thing for you, he does not digest. By the way, do not forget to compare all household chores by degree of difficulty. Otherwise, it will be unfair if you agree to wash dishes, cook and clean, and he becomes the head of changing garbage bags.

If one of the household members is very tired at work, let him take over the work of the house, which does not require much effort. For example, check the children's homework or walk the dog. It is very important to take into account the employment, skills and preferences of each of the household members.

New family traditions

In childhood, we, like a sponge, absorb everything that happens in the family. That is why in adult life we ​​begin to project onto our family the traditions that our parents adhere to. For example, in your family, the father always got up with the children and collected them for school. Therefore, it will be quite natural for you if your husband does the same. However, your family is not your parents' family. And don't forget about it. Now you have new family traditions. It is on this basis that conflicts and misunderstandings often arise. In this case, the main thing is to recognize the problem in time and, no less important, to respond to it correctly.

Say no to gender defamation

Forget the medieval division of labor. Do not divide all responsibilities into male and female. What difference does it make who cooks dinner if it's delicious? By the way, the best chefs are men. However, women, despite such a widespread opinion, can easily hammer a nail and screw in a light bulb. Gone are the days when a woman's place was in the kitchen. Do not be guided by the opinions of others, do what is convenient for you and your family.


Child labour

Involving children in household chores is not only right, but also necessary. Even a small child can collect toys and help parents clean up. Older children can take out the trash or go shopping. They are excellent au pairs, so you can safely give them small tasks.

General cleaning is just what will unite your family even more. That is why try to do everything together. Firstly, this way you will quickly cope with the dust, and secondly, joint work unites. Let the children sort their belongings, put their toys in their places, wipe the dust and water the flowers. What you do with your own hands is valued much more, so in the future they will always try to maintain order.

Small adjustments

Any to-do list will certainly undergo numerous changes. You don't always have to be self-righteous. For example, if it turns out that the husband has an important meeting tomorrow, and the shirt he plans to wear is in the wash. Even if loading the washing machine is his responsibility, wash the shirt yourself. This does not mean at all that you once again shoulder all the household chores on your shoulders. It's just helping a loved one. Your husband will be grateful to you if you wash and iron his suit. Don't be afraid to lend a helping hand to each other.

There is safety in numbers

It is important that household responsibilities do not ultimately fall on the shoulders of one person. If the person responsible for the dishes forgot to wash them, or simply did not have time, wash the dishes yourself. However, you should not take everything upon yourself: mutual assistance is important here, and not shifting responsibilities. And if you began to notice that some family members became too forgetful and washing dishes gradually became your responsibility, why not stand the dishes in the sink until dinner? Someone will definitely not get clean forks, and then they will immediately remember that after dinner the dishes had to be washed. Yes, and the washing machine will instantly unload if one morning it turns out that the jeans did not have time to dry, because someone forgot to hang up the laundry. Avoid conflict. Do not make comments at home: they themselves are well aware of what their forgetfulness and inattentive attitude can lead to. Just talk to each other and make compromises.

kind word

Do not forget to praise each other for a delicious dinner, washed dishes or a clean room. This will be the best motivation for all family members. Having correctly distributed household duties, you will be surprised how much free time you have left for rest, hobbies and communication with each other.

How are responsibilities distributed in your family? Do children take part in household chores?

Distribution of family responsibilities

“I took the child from the kindergarten for a whole week, and you only bought the dog once”… “I brought lunch from the cafe, and you forgot to wash the dishes”… True, the situation is familiar. We quarrel like little children when we set out to find out who works the hardest. How to distribute responsibilities when it comes to household chores and raising children?

Elena and Dmitry have every little thing in the account. They both work: Elena works at home, Dmitry goes to work every day. Together they are raising two daughters - the youngest, Svetlana, a year and a half, the eldest, Irina, nine years old.

When Dmitry returns from work, he takes on his father's duties with pleasure: he walks with the children, washes them and puts them to bed. However, due to the fact that Elena works from home, she has more responsibilities for raising children.

“I mainly take care of children,” says Elena. “But Dmitry does not understand why our house is not cleaned when he comes home from work in the evening. He thinks that I always have time to clean.”

Personal time is another topic of debate in this seven e. Dmitry plays football twice a week with his comrades. Elena tries to go to the gym at least once a week or meet her friends - go to the cinema, drink tea, but sometimes she simply does not have the strength for it. And this is where the calculations begin. Elena furiously makes lists: Dmitri's duties around the house and the time he spent with the children, against her duties and raising children. She says her list gets longer all the time, and she can't help but show it to her husband.

"I know it's best to talk things over when I'm quiet, but that's not always possible." And in fact, the true score will never be the same.
Out of the game

You probably have a bunch of unwashed dishes in your kitchen, which your spouse promised to wash yesterday, and when you returned from work and saw this disgrace, you defiantly refused to cook dinner. So, the score is 1:1.

But for whom is it easier? So let's agree: no calculations. Calculations will not help you organize your household chores better, but your family relationships can be very spoiled. "As a rule, spouses do not count their household chores until they begin to experience stress and move away from each other," says the family psychologist. - Therefore, all these quarrels do not solve this problem. After such gossip, both feel offended.

Family life is not a competition. In real life, no one can ever achieve a balance between family responsibilities.. But maybe you will try to build a relationship on justice. Compete less and play on the same side (not because it's better this way, but because it really moves the housework).

Heart to heart conversation

“Very often, when tired or depressed, we do not speak with our spouse respectfully as we could. We women very often get angry with our husbands, not really seeing what needs to be done around the house, and we begin to treat our spouse as if they IQ is ten points lower than ours. Men, for the most part, ignore the chicanery of their wives."

The main opportunity to get rid of comparisons and calculations is to start friendly communication. Agree, you will not get anything if you talk to your husband as follows:

You. You never help me get clean dishes out of the dishwasher! Maybe bring me dinner on paper plates so that you understand that you are obliged to help me?

He. Hey. Do you have - PMS: Small things turn you on! It's just dishes. Of course I will help. Just tell me what to do

You. Do I also have to tell you how to fold the dishes?

According to the family psychologist, in such situations, the communication technique called "Sandwich" works best in such situations, when your goal is to place your complaint between two positive assessments - like in a sandwich.

So let's try. For example, the first layer of the "sandwich" - you say that you value what your spouse does: "I love it when you cook for the family. You cook the best steak in the world!" : The filling of the "sandwich" is your complaint, uttered in the form of an "I-statement": "I always get so tired after dinner that I just don't have the strength to clean the kitchen." And the filling: "Perhaps you can help me clean up a little?" And the last layer of bread is another positive assessment: "I know for sure that together we will do everything much better and faster. Together, every work is done for me with joy." Compliments are never enough.

When you start a conversation, do not forget that very often you are angry not at all because of household chores. Perhaps because your spouse has moved away from you? he is probably sitting in front of the TV like a vegetable, and you do not have enough communication with him? If so, then try to tell him about it, ask: "What is happening to us?" or just talk about what worries you.

You need to rethink your responsibilities.

Probably, when you were pregnant or immediately after the birth of a child, you and your husband tried to divide household chores in half. But then everything changed. So maybe you will reconsider your household chores? Talk to your husband, and divide your household chores according to the principle of "who likes what more" and "who does what better." Well, if there is a job that both of you do not like, or there is no time for it, then try to do it in turn.

Let's take this as an example of a married couple. “I like to wash dishes, so I took over washing them,” says Igor. “Olga, on the contrary, does not like to wash dishes, but she simply loves to cook, and I trust her in this.”

In addition, every week they gather a family council and decide which of them will pick up the children from the kindergarten.

Being in charge is hard

Most women are often unhappy that their husbands are easy for them. They need their men to take matters into their own hands. But, even if this happened, then many women immediately begin to find fault and say, if something is wrong.

Let's look at the example of another family: Olga and Andrey. They decided that Andrei would take care of the laundry on the weekends. But Olga complains that her husband cannot determine where whose clothes are, and this annoys her.

A family psychologist in such a situation suggests going the other way.

In such a situation, it is worth helping your husband a little, explaining what you want from him. Men need to explain everything on the fingers. If you tell your spouse to clean the kitchen, you need to clarify that you want him to mop the floor, wipe the tables, and not just wash the dishes.

In a good family, everything is scheduled according to time and responsibilities. It doesn't matter what you trust each other to do, as long as there is agreement.
Take on less

It happens that everyone in the family is really very busy, and disputes occur precisely because of this. Try to refuse something. Perhaps you can find yourself a housekeeper. This, of course, will hit the family budget, but then all the housework will be done, and you and your husband will not have to argue over who should do what.

Free time is inviolable

Sometimes the wife and husband believe that disputes in the family are due to the fact that one of them does more. In fact, disputes occur due to the fact that it seems to both that the other has more free time. In this situation, there should be complete equality. If your spouse goes to hockey with friends once a week, then you should also have a free day to relax. In such situations, no pity.

And the most important thing

If you decide to do everything together, then do not forget to thank each other for your help. Respect, patience and understanding are the key to family well-being.

How easy life was in those days when the main task of a man was to “drag a mammoth”, and all the worries about the hearth fell on women's shoulders. Nowadays, ladies often "go hunting", that is, they work, no less than their spouses. And this means that the old system is no longer relevant. Otherwise, if a woman, in addition to work, also takes over the entire hearth ... Of course, she will survive, it is not in vain that legends are made up about the strength of the spirit of the fair sex. But will there be peace in such a family, where one of its members, exhausted, does more things than the rest put together? It seems that such a union can hardly be called full-fledged and happy. Therefore, the distribution of household responsibilities in the family is simply necessary. In addition, household chores allow its members to get closer. After all, a family where mutual assistance and mutual assistance are constantly present is not afraid of anything!

Distribution of responsibilities in the family

The distribution of responsibilities in the family is a very useful thing. Have you ever wondered why there are? Often the mistake of families is that they initially do not agree on who should do what. As a result, it turns out that one person voluntarily takes on the lion's share of the work and takes offense at the lack of initiative on the part of the others. And if no one has specific responsibilities, it is very difficult to figure out who is right and who is wrong. Therefore, it is necessary to divide the “zones of responsibility” as soon as possible. After all, the presence of the concept of “my duties” disciplines a person who begins, without reminders, to fulfill what is assigned to him. And if things are abstract, and they can be dealt with, or not dealt with, responsibility is reduced.

How to distribute responsibilities in the family? If you were waiting for a specific scheme that clearly tells about who should do what, then we are in a hurry to disappoint you - there is not and will not be. After all, every family has its own rules and regulations. This means that responsibilities should be distributed on a case-by-case basis. But how to do it, we will figure it out.

To begin with, you will have to spend several evenings to make a detailed list of all household chores. This may seem intimidating, but if you first paint all household chores “by topic”, then it becomes much easier. So, for example, categories of household chores might be as follows:

  • products (purchase, revision, inventory, etc.)
  • order in the apartment (daily and, small things to maintain order, washing dishes, repairs)
  • cooking food
  • repair of household appliances
  • laundry and ironing
  • children (controlling them, preparing homework with them, walking and playing, accompanying the child to kindergarten / school, parent meetings in an educational institution)
  • pets (caring for them, feeding, walking, visiting a doctor, etc.)

This is an example list. If there are household chores in your family that could be singled out as a separate category, you can add to the list.

It should also be noted that household chores are regular (washing dishes, cooking, etc.) and temporary (general cleaning, repairs). Thus, the worries in each category will be divided into two groups.

And now it is necessary to begin the distribution of household chores. It is hardly possible to meet a family in which no one is responsible for anything at all. Surely, in yours, each of its members is already assigned some business - you can safely make notes on the list. It remains only to share the remaining responsibilities. There are two factors to consider here:

  • interest in something

Agree that the duties of a wife in the family should still imply the predominance of purely "women's affairs." Like a man, he is unlikely to want to do frankly “non-male” work. Therefore, it is necessary to start the distribution according to gender. Do not forget to fix some household chores (both regular and temporary) and for the children! In this case, in addition to gender, age must also be taken into account.

You have a list of "common" things that can be done by a man, a woman, and children. Distribute them among family members.

It is important to consider how much this or that housework is pleasant for a particular person. For example, if one or another member of the family cannot stand the work that they want to entrust to him, it is better not to captivate him. In the end, the list is long, and he can choose for himself worries that, if not bring him great pleasure, then at least not disgusting. And do not be afraid of disputes during the preparation of the "schedule of household chores" - there will certainly be. It's not scary. But it will save you from disagreements in the future!

It must be understood that every person has force majeure. And if your spouse is forced to plow at work in two shifts for several days in a row, you may well take on the duties of your husband in the family at this time. Like a wife, if she lies with a temperature below 40, she should not run around the apartment with a vacuum cleaner. But the reason for the short-term inability to fulfill one's duties must indeed be valid.

You recently became husband and wife. We sincerely congratulate you!

Now you will learn to live together . In order for you to succeed, you will need to discuss a lot and agree on a lot. Including will have to distribute responsibilities at home, raising children, earning money, caring for animals, helping parents.

How to properly divide responsibilities so that everyone is comfortable and easy? Let's figure it out together.

Distribution of duties

Probably many of you will say that distribution of responsibilities in the family it is not necessary at all, somehow everything will happen by itself, settle down, be distributed. Of course, this is possible, but such behavior can turn into unpleasant situations that can provoke conflicts and discontent.

For example, for some reason you did not make it , and the husband returned from work and says that he is hungry. You report that you did not have time to cook food, offer him to cook together. And he gets upset, says that he does not know how to cook, and in general, cooking is the direct responsibility of his wife, as he believes.

It’s over, you’re offended, bitter, but who’s to blame if you didn’t agree, and he is really sure that cooking fresh borscht is your sacred duty. In order to prevent such situations, it is better in the first weeks of marriage to agree about how, who, what and when will do the housework. Distribution of duties - this is the key to an effective life together, saving time, nerves, as well as maintaining harmony and love!

Life is a short word, but it combines such a number of things that it is unlikely that it will be possible to remember all these things at once, we will talk about the main thing.

Cleaning and laundry

As known, cleaning in the apartment you need to do at least 1 time per week, although if there are pets in the apartment, then you need to clean more often. You can agree with your husband about who will do the cleaning. You can do weekly cleaning: one week - you, another - he.

In addition, you can clean every week together, dividing responsibilities . For example, you wipe the dust, put everything in its place, and the husband washes the floor, or in some other combination. Of course, joint cleaning unites, it can be done to music, children can be involved in the process.

Laundry has ceased to be for most families tedious and lengthy process since the introduction of automatic washing machines. The main task is to teach the husband to load the laundry into the machine, pour in the powder, air conditioner, turn on the machine and hang the washed laundry. It will also not be superfluous to briefly tell your loved one about which things cannot be washed together, and which should be washed on a gentle mode or without spinning.

In general, you can also do laundry on an ongoing basis, but the husband must be aware of all the subtleties so that he can cope with the laundry on his own at any time, for example, when you end up in a nursing home .

Cooking and washing dishes

Most often, this work in the family is done by a woman. Moreover, many men believe that this is truly women's work. If your husband thinks so, then, of course, all the washing up will be on you, but this does not mean that you should not try to involve him in cooking or cleaning the kitchen. For example, you can ask your husband to help you in the kitchen on your day off.

If your husband does not think that cooking should be entrusted to a woman, and he does not mind cooking dinner himself, then you can agree with him that dinner is prepared by the one who came first, and if you come together, then cook together . On weekends, you can also cook together for a few days in advance.

If it breaks, falls off, flows, and so on

Usually, if something breaks, flows, drips or creaks, the wife begins to look askance at her husband and hint to him that he has to fix it all . Many women are sincerely sure that a man must be able to understand light bulbs, faucets, wires and other complex things.

But, as practice shows, this is not at all necessary. Your husband may not be able to , it's quite normal. You should not make a fuss about this and reach insults, just ask your husband to solve these problems at his discretion. What difference does it make to you, does he personally repair the crane for a month or call a qualified specialist who can handle everything in 5 minutes and guarantee his work? In fact, there is no difference, the main thing is that the problem is fixed!

Children

It is important to understand what age we are talking about. If this babies , then it is clear that mothers mainly take care of such children. If older kids , then dad may well actively help: take him to kindergarten, dress, bathe, play, teach.

It is desirable that dad studies from birth take care of a child and did not dump all the responsibility on my mother. Remember, you have a child in common. You are equal parents for him, and it would be good if you took part in the care of children with the same activity from their very birth.

To make it easier for everyone, it is better to share responsibilities. For example, dad takes the child to kindergarten, and mom picks it up, and on weekends the child visits grandma, and mom and dad can relax, dad checks math, and mom checks the language, and so on.

Pets

If you start after the wedding, then this is your overall responsibility, and you should immediately agree on who will take on this or that part of the care of him. For example, if you have a dog, your husband can walk with her, and you bathe and feed.

If the animal lived with one of you before the wedding, then you may well agree that the one who got him continues to care for the animal, or you can also share the caregiving responsibilities, if there is such a desire.

Parents

When you are doing creating your own family It is important not to forget about helping parents and communicating with them. Therefore, it is better to immediately agree with your husband on how often you will visit your parents, how you will help them: financially, provide all possible physical assistance.

A century ago, everything was simpler: a man is a breadwinner, a woman is a homemaker. But modern women often give work no less time than their husbands. How in this case to have time to do all the household chores is a big question.

Natalya Denisova

Family psychologist

“Genetic memory takes its toll, and the woman tries to do all the homework on her own. This results in fatigue, bad mood, resentment and even a series of colds. And as a result - quarrels in the family. Proper distribution of the load contributes to a calm atmosphere and home comfort.

Everyone perceives household chores differently, depending on the nature. For example, idealists or romantics at first, under the influence of emotions or inspiration, will try to do as much as possible. But everything has a limit. If a romantic is also an introvert, he begins to accumulate dissatisfaction in himself and experience disappointment in his dreams and ideas about family life. Extroverts, on the other hand, make scandals and high-profile showdowns on the subject of who does more housework. Egoists will tend to put all the work on their partner. Authoritarian personalities immediately take everything under their control: as he said, so be it - and, according to the type of Domostroy, they determine male and female responsibilities in the family.

These are not the best behaviors for creating a happy family, do not rush to extremes. The main thing is to hear each other and be able to agree.

Feminism vs Domostroy

Everywhere you can find its pros and cons. Both the theories of feminists and the principles of Domostroy are not so obvious in practice. So, in Domostroy, spouses are taught to consult with each other in the management of the household and they say: the husband should work, and the wife should manage the household, that is, supervise the servants and children. Another question is that not everyone can afford servants, which means that all housework still falls on the shoulders of the wife. The seniority of the husband in the family was understood in those days not as self-will, but as the fulfillment of a duty to the family. The husband must take care of the household and be responsible for them both before God, and before the sovereign, and even before public opinion. Yes, in Domostroy there are words that cut the ear - “be afraid of the husband”, however, at the time of writing the book, these words, most likely, made sense to respect, recognize and understand the husband.

The importance of feminist theories cannot be underestimated. Few people in the civilized world would dispute that men and women have equal rights, including in marriage. But maybe you should avoid distortions? Arguments that a woman has the right to work hard and earn money, and a man should be able to sew a button, iron a shirt and do homework with a child, are by no means meaningless. However, doesn’t this lead to the appearance of “superwomen” who carry an overwhelming burden, and too “soft” and homely men who are not capable of decisive action, who eventually begin to irritate the strong women themselves? Recently, people often talk about the change of male and female roles in modern society. Probably, the meaning of the distribution of responsibilities in the family is to find that very golden mean.

Young mom

Things are not as rosy as we would like, even when she is not working, but is on indefinite maternity leave with her child. What if there are two or three children? After all, caring for babies is a round-the-clock job, seven days a week. A small child is endless washing, ironing and cleaning, grown-up children are constant circles, sections and homework. It is almost impossible to stand alone at this conveyor. It is good if the head of the family understands this.

Any father is able to spend a couple of hours with a stroller in the fresh air, allowing his wife to focus on urgent household chores or just take a break. Assistance in acquiring a list of all the necessary products will also be tangible.

Some fathers are not averse to taking part in more responsible affairs, they love to bathe their babies before bed or have a natural talent for lulling them. And if a man cooks well, why shouldn't he cook a delicious dinner from time to time? The wife at this time can safely do ironing or washing dishes.

If we consider the work of a housewife as a full-time job, then at least sometimes a woman is entitled to a full-fledged day off. It is good if once a week or two the husband stays at home with the children, giving his wife the opportunity to meet with a friend or go to the hairdresser. These simple male actions will allow a woman to relax, feel gratitude for her work, feel needed and loved.

family council

To understand the question of what a woman should do around the house and what other family members can help her with, the family council will help. Of course, it is not at all necessary to draw up a table of responsibilities in the family, it is too official. It is good if the so-called advice is friendly and cheerful. Everyone can choose a job according to their abilities. It doesn’t matter who will cook or go to the store, in our time, the division of household chores into male and female duties is a pure formality. The head of the family knows how to cook deliciously, although he hasn’t stood at the stove for a long time? So, a festive Sunday dinner will please the whole family. Does your youngest son love taking care of flowers? Fine! The main thing is to distribute responsibilities to everyone. A preschooler may well clean up his toys, and an older child can wash his plate. Ideally, if all homework assignments are approximately comparable in complexity. Inserting a garbage bag into a bucket and washing the dishes 5 times a day, cooking and cleaning the apartment are unequal tasks.

Involving children in household chores is one of the foundations of proper education. And how else to teach a child to work and show that in the life of every person there are responsibilities? Do not be afraid to give children instructions, they will be able to fulfill them. In addition, what is done with one's own hands is valued more. Probably next time the child will not throw clothes on the sofa, but will carefully put them in the closet. Spring cleaning can bring the whole family together, of course, if approached with a sense of humor, and not in a fit of anger.

Do not forget that the main thing in the family is mutual understanding. Any to-do list is, of course, subject to adjustment. Don't be afraid to lend a helping hand to each other. It's good if expressing gratitude for a delicious meal or a clean shirt becomes a habit. A kind word and attention can charge any person with new forces. Do not build a family on the model of Domostroy or turn it into a battlefield for feminists. After all, a family is created in order to live with each other in peace and harmony.