Girls can't be kicked in the ass. Is it okay to hit a child on the butt? Physical and Psychological Consequences of Corporal Punishment

First of all, you should know that any blow is a sign of your weakness. Dad or mom, who failed to control themselves, “fall” in the eyes of their child. The kid often concludes from such a situation that with his provocative actions he is able to take over his parents. Although sometimes a small slap on the pope can calm the baby.

When an adult slaps a child on the bottom, the child squeals, but he cannot respond in the same way, because he is physically weak. He takes blows, realizing that adults are strong, small ones are weak. Any parent decides for himself whether this is acceptable or not. Some people don't find the answer right away.

Hitting a child, you can feel his defenselessness, powerlessness. After all, I can hit him, but he can’t hit me. And this is not fair, because we are in different weight categories. Cruelty towards children is unacceptable.

A slap on the buttock physically - improves blood circulation a little, psychologically it can mean anything. For instance:

If a slap is a sign of trust and intimacy, then close relationships are only strengthened.
If the spanking is hard and angry, the relationship with the parents will deteriorate. Against the background of a lack of attention to the child and a lack of strokes, spanking can begin to attract the child, to form crooked character traits.

Rare, confident slaps, when a child tested his parents for strength, forms respect for parents and the ability to accept punishment without offense.

Always look not at flip flops, but at the general atmosphere in the family. If relations with parents are normal and spanking is only a signal, not torture, then there is no harm.

Swedish psychologist Robert Larzeler believes that the best forms of raising a child are regular conversations with him. And as a punishment for misbehavior, you need to use bans on playing with friends, depriving you of your favorite treats, playing games on the computer or watching TV.

In addition, Robert argues that children who are hit by their parents may only be obedient around them, but in the long run they will still not obey, receiving even more spanks.

We often hear that girls should not be hit on the buttocks. It is believed that after the age of seven, spanking can affect the reproductive organs and functions of girls. However, this fact is not widely accepted.

Most of the signs and beliefs associated with love experiences, as a rule, refer to the representatives of the weaker sex and the ways in which they can find lovers for themselves.

“It is still believed, for example, that if a girl oversalts food, she is in love. This sign came from an old love slander on salt: As people love salt in food, so the name would love me,” said the girls, pouring salt into food, prepared for a loved one."

“A girl who, leaving the house in the morning, forgets to look north, runs the risk of remaining an old maid forever. An equally strange sign claims that a girl sitting on a table while talking with her lover will never marry him. In support of what has been said, you can give another sign: Sitting on the corner of the table - seven years of love without reciprocity. "

As for the stronger sex, if a guy likes to sit on the doorstep, he should be an eternal bachelor. And if he does not sit on the threshold, but constantly talks through him with his beloved, then his children will be ... dumb!

If a girl, jokingly, hits her friend on the buttocks, she should immediately pull her by the hem of her skirt - otherwise she will beat off all the suitors. If the hem of the girl's dress is often wet or dirty, the husband will be a drunkard.

But signs have prepared not only dangers for lovers. If a young man picks a branch of a laurel tree, breaks it in half, and gives one half to his beloved, then as long as they keep these halves, their love will not die.

“In the past, in the Russian outback, girls believed that in order for suitors to woo them, it was necessary, as soon as the first groom (whether bad or good) came to the house, under any pretext, wash the toes of his shoes with water, and then wash them with this water. face, saying: A hundred suitors will follow your trail to me. You can also cover the traces of the groom with a broom with the same verdict.

Both too long and too short courtship is considered unsuccessful. The best luck promises courtship, which lasts a year and three months. It is considered bad luck for a man to propose his hand and heart on a train, on a bus or in any public place, and a girl who was proposed at a dance and who rejected him, for some unknown reason, will be surprisingly lucky.

If a young man who proposes to his chosen one is interrupted by another girl, this means that over time she will also become his wife. Finally, it is better for a man who has been refused three times not to marry at all.

A girl pricks herself with a needle - she hears praise or is in love. The elbow will hurt - the single guy remembers. He will put shoes with toes in different directions - he will never find a pair for himself.

In the USA, they believe that if a girl brings a mirror to a well, she will see the face of her future husband in it. She can also recognize her betrothed by performing a rather complicated ritual. You should stand on the side of the road and count the cars. When the tenth red car passes by, you need to look out for a red-haired girl in a purple dress. After that, you need to find a man in a green tie, and the next man she sees will be her betrothed.

In this regard, it is much easier for a young American, because in order to see his future wife, he only needs to eat the last piece of bread at dinner at tea - and the first girl he meets after that on the street will be his.

In Europe, there are other signs in this regard. If you pick a yarrow from a man’s grave and put it under your pillow at night, your lover will definitely appear in a dream.

The betrothed can be seen in another way. Two young girls are to retire in a room from midnight to one in the morning without saying a word. During this hour, each of them should take as many hairs from her head as her age. When the clock strikes once, every girl must burn her hair. At the same time, the betrothed will appear in the room, go around and disappear. This will happen to both fortunetellers, but neither of them will see someone else's betrothed.

In Russia, up to our time, a belief associated with photography is widespread: lovers cannot be photographed together, otherwise they will never get married (and this prohibition applies only to a single photograph, it does not apply to a group portrait).

You can also not give your loved ones knives and other piercing or cutting objects. A set of knives and forks, unknowingly presented to the newlyweds, portends an unhappy family life to the young.

In the student environment, there is another interesting sign: you can’t knit any clothes for your lover (sweater, scarf, hat, etc.), otherwise he will go to another.

In order to test the virginity of the girl, in the past, the groom's parents discreetly put the yellow stamens of a lily into the dish. If the girl was not a virgin, then she immediately fell into a stupor. Instead of lily stamens, lettuce was also given to smell - it produced the same effect.

“In general, over the centuries there have been many tests for virginity, some of which have survived to this day. For example, in Britain they say that a girl who can look at the sun is probably still a virgin - although this is very harmful to the eyes. In Germany and In Austria, it was believed that only a virgin could blow out a dying candle, and the Hungarians, who live in the countryside, still believe that only a virgin will pass unbitten through a swarm of bees. "

In the Caucasus, they believe that if a girl has even a little enlarged breast, this is a sure sign that she has lost her virginity.

If a girl forgot to put a salt shaker on the table, the British believe, this means that she has become a woman. In Poland, such an exotic superstition has been recorded: a virgin can roll water into balls! Another outlandish superstition regarding innocence is noted in France. Here, until recently, it was believed that a woman who gave birth to seven illegitimate children regains her virginity!

Some will be surprised and find this question very strange, because it is well known that physical punishment is not the best of disciplinary strategies.

However, some parents are still of the opinion that whip education is much more effective than the now popular carrot education. It is necessary to figure out where is the line that separates reasonable punishment and unjustified cruelty.

The question of whether to beat or not to beat a child, as a rule, arises from parents when their beloved baby turns two or three years old.

During this age period, the formation of a personality takes place, and the baby also absorbs various information, equips itself with new skills and learns the limits of what is permitted.

Obviously, such a process of growing up must be accompanied by various troubles, since the child learns the world through trial and error. He studies and tests literally everything, and such behavior often poses a danger to children's health.

It is natural that every parent tries to protect the baby from various traumatic situations. It is also clear that when such cases occur, moms and dads are overwhelmed by bright and strong emotions.

In addition, children at the age of three enter a special crisis period, when stubbornness, despotism, negativism, obstinacy, masterful "notes" appear in their behavior. Some kids even become completely uncontrollable.

Teenagers who are prone to egocentrism, maximalism and a tendency to manipulative actions do not differ in exemplary behavior.

That is why infrequent outbursts of anger and the desire to spank your beloved child in the hearts of even the most loving and most liberal parents visit. And this is quite normal, but there are situations when the desire to punish a child physically can be considered something abnormal.

Other reasons for corporal punishment

Statistical data show that the vast majority of Russian parents admitted that in their childhood their parents used physical punishment against them.

Moreover, 65% of all respondents are still fully convinced that the use of such strict disciplinary measures by their parents was only good for them, therefore, corporal punishment is occasionally used against their children.

What are the sources of such ambiguous parental decisions?

1. Family traditions. Some adults can take out their own childhood grievances and complexes on their child. Moreover, mothers and fathers do not even perceive other methods of persuasion and education, believing that with a slap and a good word you can achieve more than just a good word.
2. Unwillingness to educate or lack of time. As already noted, upbringing is a complex process, so for some parents it is much easier to hit a child than to have lengthy conversations with him, proving him wrong.
3. parental helplessness. Adults clutch at the strap out of desperation and a banal lack of knowledge about how to deal with a naughty or uncontrollable child.
4. own failure. Sometimes parents hit their child in the butt just because they need to take out their anger on someone for their own failures. Any childish misconduct becomes a reason to break loose and “break away” on the baby for their problems at work or in their personal lives.
5. Mental instability. Some moms and dads need strong emotions. They get them when they scream, beat children for nothing. Then, fueled by strong emotions, the parent who beat the child cries with him.

Thus, there are many reasons for using harsh disciplinary measures. And those who think that only alcoholic parents or other antisocial personalities are fond of such educational methods are wrong. It remains to be seen why such measures are undesirable.

Why can't you hit a child?

Fortunately, many adults who physically punish children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.

However, even a light blow (especially on the head) can harm the child's body. And the younger the child, the more serious the consequences. And many of them are invisible to the layman.

If you do not take into account the already very serious cases of child abuse in the family, then you can find a huge number of parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment.

They are convinced that it is possible to beat a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but they give a good educational effect.

However, such mothers and fathers forget that punishment can affect not only the physical, but also the psychological level.

1. Unwanted physical contact (spanking, poking, shaking, spanking with a belt) violates the child's personal boundaries. He does not develop the ability to defend the limits of his "I". That is, other people's opinions, words will be too important for a grown-up person.
2. Based on the relationship with mother and father, a basic trust in the world is formed. Violence on the part of the closest person causes distrust of people, which negatively affects socialization.
3. Constant spanking makes the child feel humiliated, which is fraught with a drop in self-esteem. And this can already lead to the loss of such important qualities as initiative, perseverance, self-esteem and perseverance.
4. The beating parent sets an example of aggressive behavior. A child who is faced with the rigidity of a father or mother believes that conflicts must be resolved with the help of force, threats and other aggressive acts.
5. If children are flogged, they begin to divide all people into “victims” and “aggressors”, and subconsciously choose the appropriate role for themselves. Victim women marry aggressive men, and male aggressors will oppress their wives and children through threats or physical violence.

Corporal punishment does not affect the cause of disobedience and is short-lived. At first, the fear of being spanked is present, but then the child adapts and continues to play on parental nerves.

The opinion of American scientists

The truth that childhood experiences affect later life is familiar to everyone. Physical abuse by loved ones is a common factor in the occurrence of psycho-emotional disorders and neurological diseases in adulthood.

Scientists from the United States, studying the consequences of the use of physical punishment for educational purposes, cite some shocking data. So, people who were regularly slapped and slapped on the back of the head were distinguished by reduced intellectual abilities.

In especially severe cases, it was even about mental and physical disorders, since the centers responsible for processing and storing information, speech and motor functions were seriously damaged.

In addition, according to the same American scientists, children who are subjected to corporal punishment are more prone to vascular diseases, diabetes, arthritis and other equally serious diseases as they grow up.

Also, teenagers whose childhood was overshadowed by parental aggression are more likely to become drug addicts, alcoholics and criminals. And they also adopt a cruel parenting style and transfer it to their own children. That is, a kind of vicious circle is formed in which aggression generates cruelty.

However, it should be noted that this work was criticized by other specialists. Some scientists felt that there were certain inflections in the data presented. For example, the researchers didn't bother to categorize sadistic parents and moms and dads who occasionally use light corporal punishment.

That is why it is extremely difficult to judge whether spanking and slapping can really backfire on mental insufficiency or heart problems in adulthood.

Refusal to use physical "arguments" in communication with a child does not mean that it is worth completely abandoning disciplinary action as an effective measure.

If a child has committed a truly serious offense, adults must take certain steps. Otherwise, rare cases of misbehavior can become a mass phenomenon, which will be extremely difficult to deal with.

How to punish?

What is for a child? A pediatrician tells about this, as well as about how to replace a computer.

Well, the highest parental "aerobatics" is the ability to anticipate conflict situations. First of all, you need to understand that the main source of bad behavior is the desire to attract the attention of adults. If you begin to communicate more often with the child, the number of whims and misconduct will immediately decrease.

Alternative measures do not work: what to do?

Many parents, reading such advice, begin to think that the authors live in some kind of parallel or ideal reality, in which the child is always obedient, and the mother is always calm and balanced.

Of course, there are situations when requests, persuasion, explanations are not able to help with calming and bringing a child who has become stubborn or has gone into a rage into a normal emotional state.

In such a situation, as some experts believe, a light slap can switch attention and become a kind of inhibitor of a psycho-emotional outburst. Naturally, the power of the slap must be controlled (as well as your mental state).

In addition, corporal punishment (we are not talking about spanking in this case) is not excluded if:

• children's behavior poses a direct threat to the life and health of a little bully (poking fingers into sockets, playing with fire, moving towards a highway, approaching the edge of a cliff, etc.);
• the child has crossed absolutely all the limits of what is permitted, clearly trying to piss you off, and he does not respond to other disciplinary measures and may even behave inappropriately (see the previous paragraph).

After a light slap, it is imperative to explain what the punishment followed, how to behave correctly. Do not forget to also say that it is the act that you do not like, and not the child himself. You still love him.

Parents in the studio!

Curious what moms and dads themselves think about this? As is usually the case in matters of education, opinions differ significantly. Some parents are convinced that spanking and the usual spanking on the fifth point is a completely effective method of disciplinary action.

Like, they beat with rods for the faults of our ancestors, and nothing - they grew up no worse than the rest.

Other adults oppose any forceful influences in relation to the child, believing that the best way to educate is conversations, explanations, stories and illustrative examples. Here are some specific comments from parents.

Anastasia, expectant mother:“And I often flew in the pope: both with a belt and with a palm. And nothing - everything is fine. Now I myself think that if the conversation does not help, you can use force. But not to beat, of course, but just in a soft place lightly. The child must occasionally be beaten on the pope if he does not understand normal words.

Kristina, mother of two-year-old Yaroslav:“In my childhood, I was often beaten with a belt, I still take offense at my mother. She still thinks that if she beat the child, then there are no problems. I firmly decided that I would not spank my kids. And I try to solve all the difficulties with my son without a belt and slaps. I try to negotiate, although he is still small. It seems to work calm conversations.

Of course, it is up to you to decide which parenting methods are applicable specifically to your child. However, it should be understood that the formation of personality occurs from early childhood, and it depends on the parents what the current baby will carry into the future life.

Many experts oppose physical punishment, citing well-reasoned examples of why you should not beat your children. Perhaps their arguments will help you decide which is better - a stick or a carrot.

How to punish your child and is it possible to resort to force? This question worries many mothers and fathers who are not indifferent to the psychological state of the baby. The issue of corporal punishment has long been quite controversial. Usually parents in this matter are divided into two categories. The former practice spanking, the latter are categorically against it. But even those who do not believe that physical punishment is not a method, sometimes in a fit they can spank a child, explaining this by their poor endurance and frayed nerves.

In the problem of why you can’t hit girls or boys in the ass, there are a lot of things that strict parents don’t even think about. It is unlikely that a normal dad or mom wants to deliberately humiliate their baby, or break his personality, suppress his psyche.

Adults sincerely think that by their actions they will show their attitude towards misconduct.

Can you spank a child on the butt?

When deciding whether to hit a child on the bottom with a hand or a belt, adults forget about the consequences of corporal punishment. They are often negative. The kid begins to perceive the impact of force as a solution to the problem. And this, you see, is not true.

Parents who raise their daughter or son in this way demonstrate their disdain for the offspring's personality. But this is already an individual person, with his own character. It is clear that children sometimes literally drive their parents crazy with various misconduct. But here it is important at first not to punish, but to understand the reason for this or that misconduct. Why did the daughter or son do it this way, although they knew that it was impossible to do it. Perhaps the child simply does not have enough parental attention, and he wants to attract him, at least negatively, with his actions.

Another reason may be in adolescence, but in puberty, corporal punishment is generally excluded. At this time, the developing personality is more than ever prone to stress, depression and psychological crises.

And then you can express your attitude to the action of the offspring in another way. There are a huge number of them so that the baby finally understands that he made a mistake that should not be made again.

Talk more with your child. When trusting relationships are observed between adults and children, there are fewer problematic situations.

In any case, the pranks of children should be treated with at least some philosophy. We were all children and we all committed certain misdeeds that the elders did not like very much.

Can you punish your child? Most often this question is asked by young parents. The topic of corporal punishment is very controversial. There are 2 categories of parents: the first ones use physical punishment, and the second ones do not. To hit on the pope or not to hit? if he doesn't listen? What are the consequences?

Key Parenting Styles

The history of human development identifies three main parenting styles that parents use:

What is physical punishment?

The type of punishment, the purpose of which is to cause bodily pain to the offender, is considered to be physical. In addition to well-known methods (a slap, a strap on the buttocks), there are also punishments with a towel, slippers, a flick on the forehead, etc. All these methods have one goal: to show their superiority over the child, to create a painful effect, to prove their case.

The main reasons for physical punishment of children

Most modern mothers and fathers, when punishing their children, believe that this is their parental duty. But there are several key reasons for this:

Why don't kids listen?

We all know that perfect and obedient children do not exist. In psychology, there are several reasons for child disobedience:

• self-doubt;
• gaps in education;
• way to get attention
• desire for contradictions;
• a way to assert oneself;
• many demands on the child.

Most children's whims and cases of disobedience are due to the fact that the child grows up, feels like a unit on his own, and parents still think that he is still a baby. The kid does not obey if mom and dad do not pay attention to him. This is a very efficient method. If you do not devote enough time to your child, then he may be offended, and then he can do everything not the way you want, but as he sees fit.

Your heir may feel in case of increased irritability of parents and frequent pulling on clothes. The absence of a system in the upbringing of children is observed when a large number of people take part in this process - father and mother, grandparents, uncles and aunts. Each of the educators has his own method, it may differ from the methods of other members of the family. For some, the behavior of the crumbs is the norm, for others it is unacceptable, and then the baby does not know how to behave correctly.

Parents who use an authoritarian parenting style have many requirements for their child, sometimes not corresponding to their development and age. They put their opinion above all else, but the opinion of the child is not taken into account, they are only required from him. If he does not follow the instructions, then he is punished. It is very difficult for a child to develop in such an environment.

Impact on the child

Physical and psychological is prohibited by law, but many parents practice this method, considering it the most effective. Adults often cannot contain their anger, it is easier for them to give a belt on the pope than to explain in an accessible language to a child that he is wrong. If you use one as corporal punishment, then expect the consequences. Often, a little man has a fear, which later can greatly affect his future life.

If a child is afraid of a loved one, then in the future this may affect his interpersonal relationships, adaptation in society, and at work. Parents should know that it is impossible to beat on the priest, humiliate, shout at their heir, because he can grow up insecure, without aspirations in life. He will think that whoever has the power is right.

Physical Consequences of Corporal Punishment

Very often, corporal punishment leads to physical injury in your child. This is due to the fact that many parents do not calculate their strength when punishing children. There is an addiction to slaps on the buttocks, especially if they are applied every day. This leads to the fact that the child's behavior does not change, and the strength of bodily influences increases. The result is severe bodily injury.

Without self-control, a parent is capable of inflicting trauma on a child that is incompatible with his life. And then the punishment of children will lead to disastrous consequences. Cuffs and cuffs lead to the fact that the baby can hit a sharp corner or other objects in the house.

The physical consequences may be enuresis, various tics, encopresis, etc. Don't hit the kids, be smart! After all, the child is several times smaller than you.

Psychological consequences of corporal punishment

• Low self-esteem. The child will be guided in life by the principle: whoever has the power is right.
• Influence on the child's psyche, developmental delay is possible.
• Lack of concentration in lessons, in games.
• The projection of the same behavior on their own children.
• Most children who are physically abused become abusers in the future.
• The child ceases to live in reality, not solving the problems that have arisen, not studying.
• Feelings of fear and a desire for revenge are constantly present.
• Punishment and humiliation leads to loneliness, the child feels alienated, useless.
• There is a estrangement from parents, relationships deteriorate. If violence is used in the family, then there will be no points of contact.

Psychological consequences are also frequent anxiety, confusion, fear, increased anxiety. Appetite may worsen, the child may sleep poorly, hyperactivity increases.

An alternative to corporal punishment, or how to punish a child

The manifestation of weakness, the lack of certain pedagogical knowledge and skills in parents leads to physical so as not to harm him? You can not hit the bottom of children, use an alternative. What is needed for this:

• It is necessary to switch the attention of the child to something else.
• You should captivate the little one with such an activity that he stops indulging.
• Come up with new entertainment to encourage the baby, and not vice versa. For example, you can put all the scattered toys in a box. Read him his favorite book or bedtime story.
• Kiss and hug your child so that he feels your warmth and love. Spend more free time with him.
• Replace corporal punishment with more loyal methods (do not go for a walk, turn off the TV, take the tablet).

Treat the pranks of your children philosophically, projecting the whole range of actions onto yourself. Try to communicate more with your children, create a trusting relationship with each other, and then the problems will become much less. Learn to deal with problems without punishment. It is important for parents to understand that children should not be beaten in the butt under any circumstances!