For expectant mother 

It is not harmful to give birth. Why are later children often talented? Late children

Many women are more likely to postpone motherhood for a period of life, when the long-awaited stability has been achieved, a career has been built. So, let's figure it out: a late child is the best way out, or you shouldn't postpone the happiness of motherhood, and after forty you should already nurse your first grandchild.

What does "late child" mean?

Before weighing the pros and cons, let us agree that we will consider the first-born, and not the youngest in a large family, to be “late”.

Nowadays, large families, as a rule, are associated with an irresponsible approach to upbringing, poor families and "difficult" children. The generally accepted norm is one, two, maximum three children.

After all, the baby needs so much.

A stroller, a crib, toys, clothes, and also - every day - diapers and baby food. But you never know the problems and worries of a young family. And I also want to achieve success in my chosen profession, to see the world. Often a young woman is simply not mentally ready for motherhood, besides, there are so many interesting things around.

Why not then give birth to a child later, at least after 30? I propose to evaluate the pros and cons of this approach.

Benefits of late motherhood

By this time, most childless couples have already realized how much they want to become parents. Having reached a certain level of prosperity, the family is financially independent and can give all the unspent love to the long-awaited baby.

Using the examples of my acquaintances, I realized that the mothers of the “late children”:

  • Even during pregnancy, they pay maximum attention to the health, and therefore the health of the unborn baby. They scrupulously follow the doctor's prescriptions, eat well, and, most importantly, happily await the appearance of their first child. And dads in such families take a responsible approach to the birth of a baby;
  • Surround the newborn with love and attention, are patient. The child grows up in a calm, welcoming environment. The baby has the best conditions to grow and develop;
  • Themselves often just bloom. After all, the body produces a maximum of hormones necessary to give birth and feed a baby. It was noticed that most of the women who lived to 90 years old gave birth to a child at 35-40 years old.

Adults, successful people spend a lot of time with the child, play and study, rejoice in his small victories. Unsurprisingly, this gave rise to the myth of the genius of later children.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), geniuses are not born very often. It's just that kids, surrounded by such love and attention, can seriously outstrip their peers in intellectual development in early childhood.

We got an ideal model of a family, where realized people who managed to live for themselves, with responsibility bring up a beloved and almost brilliant child. But there are times when not everything is so cloudless.

Possible late pregnancy problems

More recently, a woman over 25 years old who gave birth to her first child was called "the old primiparous." A friend who gave birth to her first child at the age of 25 and a half was shocked both by the honorary title and by the fact that she was considered a risk group. She naively thought she was just giving birth because she felt like an adult.

Fortunately, the birth of a baby in adulthood no longer surprises anyone, however, the possible problems of pregnancy and childbirth have not diminished from this.

In pregnant women after 35-40 years, the risk of developing:

  • Ectopic pregnancy;
  • Fetal hypoxia;
  • Toxicosis of the 2nd half of pregnancy;
  • Intracellular pathologies. The likelihood of having a baby with Down syndrome increases a couple of times;
  • Weak labor and, as a result, the need for stimulation or surgery.

If a woman at the time of motherhood looked after her health, does not have bad habits and chronic diseases, then everything can go without any complications. However, other difficulties arise in the life of such a family.

Problems of "late children"

The problem of raising a "late" baby is associated with the impossibility of giving birth to a second child. Often children who have no brothers or sisters grow up selfish.

The second most important fact is that parents doom themselves to a closed existence. After all, an adult woman, but at the same time a young mother, has nothing to discuss with her friends, whose children have already finished school. However, she would rather not be one of her own among twenty-year-old mothers walking with strollers in the yard.

Also, a "late" child will be deprived of full-fledged communication with grandparents, who, due to their age, are no longer able to cope with their grandson.

So, when is it better to plan a replenishment in the family - having finished her studies, plunge into the world of endless feedings, walks and diapers, or do it when you give your baby all the best, starting with a rattle and ending with the choice of an educational institution?

There can be no definite answer, everyone has their own priorities. However, postponing the birth of a child for the distant future, remember: the baby will need you even when he is an adult.

Dear ladies, if there is an opportunity, give him prudence, the wisdom of adulthood, and the energy of your youth.

Late parentage is in vogue. Popular rumor ascribes exceptional talent to such children. So good or bad - old dad?


Late parentage is in vogue. Popular rumor ascribes exceptional talent to such children. So good or bad - old dad?

A WORD TO THE GENETICS

A person's talent does not depend on the age of his father, says the head. Head of the Department of Medical Genetics of the Russian State Medical University, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor Vladimir SITNIKOV.

All the calculations made by those who like to delve into the genealogies of great people are not entirely correct from a scientific point of view. Researchers took biographies of famous personalities, looked at the age of the parents at the time of the birth of the genius, and often received data that the father had already reached his advanced age by this time. But when modern scientists took a sample of ordinary men and looked at how their late children turned out, they did not find a relationship between the age of the father and the abilities of his child.

Still, there are pluses in late fatherhood.

What's good about us?

Usually, a talented person by the time of adulthood already realizes all his abilities. And if his intellectual and creative flowering is imprinted on the germ cells, this mutation could make a late child smarter and more energetic than his older siblings. But for this, the father must be an extraordinary person, and such mutations occur very rarely.

In the germ cells of a mature man, changes can occur that will sharpen the work of one part of the child's brain. The child will possess, for example, phenomenal mathematical ability or a very good memory.

A study by German geneticist Vogel found that outstanding men are more likely to marry outstanding women. And vice versa: in 96% of cases, the wives of men with a low level of intelligence also turn out to be by no means intellectuals. Even an intelligent young man, having married early, often makes mistakes in his life partner; a smart man who remarries or marries late is more likely to choose a decent half. A the intelligence of the mother is very important for the future development of the child- not only because an intelligent woman will be more concerned with children, but also for the reason that a significant part of the genes that are responsible for giftedness are passed on from the mother.

By choosing an intelligent mother for his children, a man will dramatically increase the intellectual level of his offspring.

Abilities alone are not enough - for their development need wednes a. To create it for your child, of course, is easier for a mature, accomplished person than for a young person.

But all these advantages can affect the children of only an extraordinary man, and even then not for sure. The benefits of late parenting are unlikely to extend to the children of average men of average intelligence.

What's wrong with that?

There are more disadvantages of late paternity, and they appear more often. The older the parents are, the more likely their child will have some developmental defects. Men are more likely to work in hazardous industries, and they are more susceptible to bad habits than women, which means that a lot of breakdowns in their reproductive cells accumulate with age.

Of course, more often than not, older dads have normal children. And yet, genetics is not recommended to plan children after 45 years.

First of all Genes "break", which in the process of evolution arose last - those that are responsible for mental activity. Previously, it was believed that Down's disease in a child occurs due to breakdowns in the maternal genes. Now it has been established that the contribution of male and female genes to the occurrence of this disease is approximately the same. A man may be "guilty" even a little more.

Daddy's damaged genes can cause malformations of the limbs, defects in the immune system child.

Another "legacy" that an aging dad can leave to his later children - increased risk of developing cancer or fall into premature aging: a condition when cells in the body, due to a disruption in the activity of one of the enzymes, begin to divide at an incredible rate. Unlike other anomalies that are visible immediately after birth, the last two diseases can knock down a late child when he himself becomes a father.

A WORD TO PSYCHOLOGISTS

When a family, where the husband is not young, decides to have a child, this first of all speaks of its strength. And yet, spouses need to be prepared for some psychological difficulties associated with the age of their father, child psychologists Olga KRUSHELNITSKAYA and Antonina TRETYAKOVA believe.

One side

A mature person perceives everything that happens more calmly, can predict events. For children, these features are a great blessing: they provide emotional stability of the relationship, give the child a sense of security. The late father will help develop the logical thinking of the child.

An elderly dad has more life experience, he is very responsible approach to education, seeks to put the child on his feet more firmly. Such fathers select a good educational institution for the child, consult with psychologists, do not allow the mother to pamper the child, bring up responsibility in him.

An elderly dad who has reached a high social position, as a rule, has extensive connections, his own business or a name in the world of professionals. This is very good "start-up capital" for a child.

On the other side

A small child is an energetic creature. He is ready to roll a rattling toy around the apartment for hours, jump and squeal, and wants his dad to participate in his games too. An elderly father is not always happy about this, and conflicts arise. They can be prevented by giving the child the opportunity pour out your energy not for dad: give it to the kindergarten, the sports section. In the evening, the father will play board games with the heir, read aloud, help to assemble an aircraft model ...

An older man finds it difficult to endure outdoor games especially with my son. The physical contact of the child with the father is in many ways an imitation of a struggle. The child is trying to knock down a mighty giant, free himself from the iron grip of the enemy ... The emotions obtained in such a fuss are extremely important for the mental development of boys. And an elderly father is ready to give physical contact more like a female type (hugs and kisses). The advice here is simple: try to get the boy to communicate more with older brothers, young uncles, family friends.

Do not blame the child if, while playing, he is hanging on a stranger's man.

For a good psychological climate, a family needs harmony in sexual relations spouses. If a woman experiences chronic dissatisfaction (after all, the sexual activity of older men often decreases), this also affects the child. A man in an atmosphere of irritability will increasingly move away from his family, immerse himself in work and personal interests. And the child, most likely, will experience a double load of maternal love and care, which will interfere with normal development.

Family life is not confined to the walls of the house. The child more than once or twice will have to explain to people that this man is not his grandfather, but his dad. For him to speak these words with pride, the father must be modern man, not a "dinosaur" that measures everything by the standards of the last century.

Firstborn after 40

"Oops! I think I’m already 50, but I forgot to give birth to a child! ” - sometimes women who have found the whole meaning of their life in their careers find very late that they lack something without a child. Very late - not too late. Because even for 50-year-olds and older, modern medicine gives good chances of getting pregnant and giving birth.

Does it make sense to have your first child after 40? In fact, you can manage to become a grandmother as well. After all, in order to raise a son or daughter, you still have at least twenty years, and then ... Many people live up to 80 and up to 90 years, and children at a later age literally "rejuvenate" their parents.

Senior to replace

It seems to be not old yet, a little over forty or fifty. But all the children have already grown up and “flew away” from the nest, which has become so empty. Or raised two daughters, but I want a son. I think one can understand those mothers who have small children, despite having several older children.

For some women, motherhood is like a drug, in their own words. For example, an English pensioner Karen Johnston gave birth to her 9th and 10th children at 54, against the advice of doctors.

Problems

The first problem a woman may face when wanting to have a child at such a mature age is conception. Individual fertility (fertility) is different for everyone and depends on heredity. After 30 years, it begins to decline and gradual changes occur in the body:

  • the number of ovulations decreases - more and more menstrual cycles pass without the formation of an egg;
  • diseases such as endometriosis (a disease of the lining of the uterus), fibroids, obstruction of the fallopian tubes develop;
  • chronic diseases of other organs, not directly related to the genital area, also affect fertility.

According to statistics, if a woman under 30 has a 20% chance of getting pregnant within one month's cycle, then a woman over 40 has only 5%. Among those who come to clinics for IVF with a diagnosis of "primary infertility" there are a lot of those who are over 30 or even over 40.

From the point of view of official medicine, pregnancy after 30–35 is traditionally associated with an increased risk for both the mother and the child:

  • The likelihood of genetic abnormalities in the newborn increases, including Down's syndrome. Research has shown that 40-year-olds have nine times the risk of 30-year-olds. Moreover, every year the risk increases: between 35 and 38 years twice, between 38 and 48 years ten times.
  • - in women aged 30–39 years, the risk of miscarriage is 17%, and in 40–44 years it rises to 33%.
  • Worsening of the uterus - in women over 35, it can also lead to some complications. Due to the aging of the walls of the uterus, there are problems with gestation.
  • Diabetes mellitus - women over 40 are 3 times more likely to develop diabetes during pregnancy.
  • Exacerbation of chronic diseases caused by an increased load on the body of a pregnant woman.
  • Problems with the placenta: chronic placental insufficiency, previa, premature placental abruption.

The use of artificial methods such as IVF can further increase the risk of Down syndrome. This is due to the fact that the quality of the eggs obtained is lower, and genetic abnormalities are more often observed in them.

Solutions

What to do if age is already running out, and you cannot get pregnant? Modern medicine offers several options:

  • IVF - unfortunately, many couples have to resort to it after 40-50 years. However, this is an expensive procedure, and it does not in any way eliminate all the listed risks of pregnancy, as well as the possibility of having a disabled child, or Down syndrome. Cm.
  • Surrogate motherhood is a way out if health fails at all, and there is no opportunity to bear a child. It is available only to very rich mothers, and it may well end up with the surrogate mother taking the child for herself, since, according to the laws of many developed countries, whoever gave birth is the mother. Not everyone wants to choose a surrogate mother from India, Pakistan or Latin America.
  • - a real way out for those who are under 60, but have health and money problems. After 60, most countries will not allow a child to be adopted. For example, 62-year-old Krasimira Dimitrova from Bulgaria was refused by the guardianship authorities, calling her “too old”. Then she "spat" and ... she gave birth to two twin girls!

Be that as it may, but to give birth to a healthy child after 40, after 50 and even 60 in our time is quite realistic.

so, for information, although not indisputable :)

Childbirth after 40 years
The woman is pregnant. This can be for a variety of reasons. Our grandmother, for example, got married late, so she gave birth to her mother, her only child, at thirty-six. Mom got married quite early, but ten years of war and devastation lay between my sister and me. One of our friends simply did not succeed for a long time. Until thirty-four she was treated, at thirty-five she gave birth to a daughter, and at forty - twins: a boy and a girl. My close friend gave birth to a son to her second husband, when the daughter from her first marriage had already finished school ...

In general, there are thousands of reasons why a woman gives birth later than doctors usually recommend. In the west, this can already be called a pronounced trend: women have their first child closer to forty simply because they want to first solve all other problems: get an education, make a career, achieve a good financial situation, acquire their own home, check the correctness of their choice and the strength of the union ...

Many today simply do not want to depend on a man. Not only financially: they do not want to wait at all: they marry - they do not marry, they do not want to give birth from someone whom they managed to "catch".

Today, a woman often makes a more successful career. Having achieved material independence, she can decide for herself from whom to give birth, whether a husband is needed for this or not - all this also affects the general state of affairs.

It makes sense to say that the amazing advances in medicine today allow even postmenopausal women to have children. And if doctors in the consultation and the maternity hospital call women over thirty-four years old "old mothers", then what about a pregnant woman in her sixties?

In short, in countries where women work on an equal basis with men, build their own destiny and make a career, the number of "old mothers" is steadily increasing. And this is a good enough reason to take a closer look at the problem.

Late children are no worse than others

Let's start with the positive. No one has yet proven that later children are weaker in health than the children of younger mothers.

This opinion really existed before - and it had good reasons. In those days, when women gave birth as much as God gave, the last children were often weaker in health, since the resources of the mother's body were depleted as a result of frequent pregnancies, childbirth and breastfeeding. But if a woman at thirty-six years old bears her first child (and at the same time does not smoke and leads a healthy lifestyle), then there is no reason for this child to be born weak and frail. At least all such children, personally known to me, are quite healthy. And thanks to the exemplary care and diligence of their more "grown-up" mothers, the children make an impression of being extremely prosperous and blooming.

On the other hand, there is a strong belief that later children are smarter and more talented. We have no statistics, so it is impossible to either confirm or refute the prevailing opinion. It is possible that the matter is not at all in natural talents. With the late, long-awaited, precious ones, they can simply tinker more, create better conditions for their development. But today it has already been proven that it is upbringing that plays a decisive role.

Finally, thanks to the development of medicine, diagnostics, and obstetric techniques, late pregnancies and childbirth have become much less risky than they used to be. So women who, for one reason or another later than others, arranged their fate, can most likely count on healthy offspring. May God give them in their turn to know the happiness of motherhood.

Better and less favorable times

On the other hand, today, when control of conception has become such an easy task, the birth of a child is often postponed to deadlines. It is known that children are always at the wrong time. Either earnings do not allow, then the apartment is small, then there is not enough for a car ... If earlier a healthy couple normally had a baby in the first year of family life, today many are in no hurry with this. And family life itself is often in the nature of a protracted experiment.

It will be useful for such couples to familiarize themselves with other information. So, it is known that hormonal changes in a woman - the first signs of a decrease in fertility (fertility) - appear on average at 26 years old. That is, the best time for the birth of children is today, as it was a hundred years ago: 18-28 years for a woman and 20-30 years for a man. No matter how medicine develops, our body changes little. He has his own laws. And the best doctors at all times recommended to listen to these laws, to reckon with them and to be guided by them, making important decisions.

Smoking, malnutrition, and a difficult environmental situation also affect a woman's health. And often their influence is much more serious and dangerous than the actual age-related changes. However, these influences are in a sense related to age: after all, if a woman, say, smokes from 23 years of age, and gives birth to her first child after 30, then her "experience" of a smoker has already managed to cause quite serious damage to her blood vessels, lungs and body in the whole. Even if during pregnancy she quits smoking (and this is an absolutely necessary condition), then it is no longer possible to completely correct the situation.

Here are some other data relevant to our topic.

Good to know that ...

With age, the condition of the uterus usually worsens, including in women who have not given birth.

First: the difficulties associated directly with conception. More precisely, with the introduction of a fertilized egg into the inner surface of the uterus and fixing it there.

That is, every year the very likelihood of conception and pregnancy decreases. As a result, those who postponed for too long may have to spend significantly more time conceiving a baby ... or making sure that this is no longer possible without medical help.

Second, the risk of miscarriage increases with age. This is due to the condition of the uterus and the accumulation of chromosomal defects.

Late miscarriages are more often associated with maternal health conditions. Their cause may be the development of "diabetes of pregnancy" or hypertension. If the fetus in the development process finds itself in an unfavorable environment, this can also put internal mechanisms in front of a difficult choice.

Tests during pregnancy

There are many genetic disorders, the frequency of which has nothing to do with the age of the mother or father. But the risk of some other anomalies clearly increases over the years. These include, in particular, Down syndrome. That is why doctors recommend that pregnant women over 35 years old be sure to be tested for such abnormalities.

The following table shows that the risk systematically increases every year, doubling between 35 and 38 years and ten times between 38 and 48. If at 35 years old there is one case of Down syndrome for every 335 conceptions, then at 48 years - one for every 15.

* Ultrasound. Performed between 11-13 weeks of gestation, an ultrasound scan measures the amount of fluid under the skin of the fetus (on the back of the neck). The low accuracy of this test does not make it possible to draw a conclusion about the presence or absence of chromosomal defects. But the test allows you to decide on the advisability of further checks. If something alarmed the doctor, he, as a rule, sends the pregnant woman for more serious research.

An ultrasound scan over a period of about 18-20 weeks can detect visible abnormalities in fetal development, such as abnormal formation of the skull or spine.

* Blood test for AFP (alpha-fetoprotein). This double or triple test is usually done around 15-18 weeks of gestation. It allows you to calculate your individual risk of developing anomalies like Down syndrome. This test does not affect the child himself and does not allow you to confirm or deny that he has anomalies. But if, according to its results, it turns out that the risk in this particular case is high, the doctor can refer the pregnant woman to more accurate (but also less safe) examinations.

* Invasive tests - in other words, associated with penetration into the uterus and the taking of some samples for analysis are carried out only if indicated.

Placenta samples can be taken from 11 weeks. They are taken either through the wall of the uterus or through the cervix. Both options cannot be considered 100% safe, since they slightly (slightly) increase the risk of miscarriage.

The preliminary results of the analysis can be ready in 24 hours, the final results in 7-10 days.

Starting at 16-18 weeks, another test can be performed - taking a sample of the amniotic fluid (the one in which the fetus floats inside the uterus). Analysis of this fluid allows you to determine the presence of defects characteristic of Down's syndrome in the fetus. It will take 3-4 weeks to get the final results, but these results are considered quite reliable.

Carrying a baby is your most important business

The following notes apply to all pregnant women, but are especially important for those over 35:

* Don't act like you don't care. Pregnancy is a very serious business, it should take over the rest of your life. Limit your stress at work and at home. Accept any help that is offered to you.

* During your lunch break and returning home after work, the first thing to do is to sit up so that your legs are raised higher. At a minimum, place them on a chair seat that is the same height as yours. If you can recline in a comfortable chair with your legs raised, use it.

* Limit your entertainment, visiting and so on - it is better to go to bed early. This is especially important if you go to work every morning.

* Switch to loose clothing as early as possible. Even if the belly is not yet visible, it is very important that tight clothing does not interfere with blood circulation. Avoid high heels - for pregnant women it is not only harmful, but also dangerous.

* Stockings or pantyhose, on the contrary, should be more dense, tight - it is better to buy special support in the pharmacy. In some women, varicose veins first make themselves felt during pregnancy, while in others it progresses noticeably at this time. If your legs are no longer in the best shape - all the more they need care and attention.

* Even if until now you were frivolous about your diet - now everything should change. Your little one should be getting everything they need. Check with your doctor if you need to take extra vitamins, mineral supplements, iron supplements. Try to make the majority of your diet natural, unprocessed foods.

Doctors often assume that since mommy is "aged", natural childbirth is unlikely. And they immediately tune in and tune the woman to the need for a cesarean section.

Meanwhile, a healthy woman over 35 has a good chance of giving birth without any surgical intervention. We must not forget that this is not indifferent to the child: children prefer to be born the way nature has appointed them. For the woman in labor herself, natural childbirth is also preferable: a woman after them recovers faster, she has fewer problems with breastfeeding.

It is better if the pregnant woman still tunes in and prepares for natural childbirth. That is, to lead an active life, to engage in special gymnastics, to master all the techniques that help to correctly give birth.

Many elderly primiparas choose to give birth to the water and join the corresponding groups precisely because they take the moral and physical preparation of pregnant women very seriously. This does not mean that a woman will certainly give birth at home or on the seashore: she can go through all the training, and then go to the hospital, especially if the doctor suggests complications.

Regardless of age, contractions are usually much longer in primiparas. It is believed that pushing for older women takes longer. Although with me, for example, an elderly woman gave birth, who gave birth to her first child at forty in two hours. At that time she was already forty-two and she gave birth to a second. In the maternity ward, it was necessary to go down to the floor below. She went through the first flight by herself, the second one was already lowered on a stretcher - and barely had time to carry it in ... So there are exceptions to the rules.

We add that, according to statistics, with age, multiple pregnancies (twins, triplets ...) are more common, breech presentation and other "uncomfortable" fetal positions are more common, undermaturity or overmaturity is more common.

On the other hand, the chances of nursing the child herself for an old mother are the same as for a young one. You just need to set yourself such a goal - and not deviate from it.

Reproductive ability and age

Individual fertility (fertility) is determined by heredity, as well as the impact of various environmental factors. With age, the ability to conceive decreases. A woman over 35 may take a year or more to conceive. If, within a year, a couple wishing to have a child does not conceive, they need to be examined.

Approximately 35% of problems with conception are associated with male fertility, the same amount is associated with female fertility. In 20% of infertile couples, both partners have problems. In other cases, specialists are unable to find out the reason.

The older the couple, the more energetic measures the husband and wife should take, since their reproductive capacity decreases every year. Finding out the causes of infertility will take some time. It can also take years to heal. If it does not give results, it will take more time to select an effective high-tech method with which the couple can still have a child.

It should be borne in mind that the effectiveness of modern methods also decreases with the age of the woman. If time is lost, even the best clinic in the world and big money does not guarantee success.

Increased risk of serious fetal chromosomal abnormalities as a woman ages

Age 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 48

Risk 1: 335 1: 270 1: 215 1: 165 1: 130 1: 100 1:75 1:60 1:45 1:35 1:25 1:15

Tips for Late Parents

Nowadays, many young people are in no hurry to acquire families and children. If twenty-five years ago, by the end of the institute, most of the students became mothers, now they first want to "take a walk", then "how to get settled in life", "take place professionally" ... And when a woman finally matures to the desire to have a child, she often turns out already over thirty, or even closer to forty.

It would seem, live and rejoice. A late child is almost always welcome. All conditions are created for him, he is given the best. Mom no longer wants to run away from the baby to the theater or to her friend in the evening, she bathes in motherhood. Even the pronoun "I" disappears from her lexicon, being replaced by the pronoun "we": "We already hold our head well ... in the evenings the gaziks torture us ... we have to get vaccinated tomorrow ..."

However, child psychiatrists are highly critical. “Late children are a risk group,” says Professor Kozlovskaya. - They are very vulnerable both physically and mentally, and especially psychosocial. Late pregnancy is often difficult, with fetal hypoxia, with an entanglement of the umbilical cord. A woman usually cannot give birth on her own, she is given a cesarean. And if she still gives birth on her own, it is difficult childbirth. All of this naturally affects the health of babies. Late children are more prone to all kinds of disorders than others: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic. In the first year of life, they are almost 100% painful.

Your grandmother has come!

“I hated kindergarten,” recalls nineteen-year-old Nina. - But not because I had to sleep there during the day or because I was offended there. No, in the garden with children it was more fun for me than at home. But every evening I was longingly waiting for the exclamation of the guys: "Nina, your grandmother has come for you!" I didn’t dare to tell them that this was not my grandmother, but my mother. I was afraid of ridicule, and every time it was a serious trauma for me ... "

But this is not so bad. In the end, you never know what injections of pride children have to endure! Some are traumatized by their obesity, others by the need to wear glasses with sealed glass to correct squint, still others by clumsiness, and others by poor school performance. We all faced ridicule in childhood and were afraid of something.

Here something else is more dangerous: the fact that the "late" mother is not only physically, but also psychologically closer not to the mother, but to the grandmother.

Recklessness is characteristic of youth. When I remember how my husband and I drove along the Caucasian serpentine in the forty-degree heat, and our two-year-old son slept in the back seat of a car, having worn out, I feel terrified. But we, overwhelmed by the excitement of youth, seemed invulnerable to ourselves. A few years later, having become a little smarter and settled down, I already treated my little daughter in a completely different way, much more careful. And having given birth to a third child at thirty-four years old, in general, I tried to transport him as little as possible, up to two years, even in Moscow, because she was afraid of infections and noticed that the baby was unnerved by the noise of traffic, the abundance of new faces ...

With a late child, it is very difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection. Especially if he is the only one, suffered through suffering, and still does not differ in enviable health. And overprotection gives rise to infantilism and children's fears. As a result, the child's already unstable psyche is shattered even more. The world seems to him aggressive, full of dangers. This attitude prevents children from communicating normally, serves as a basis for the development of neuroses. In adolescence, when self-esteem and the desire to assert themselves come to the fore, this often turns into a desperate rebellion. “How I broke loose, didn’t want to listen to anything, went into all the trouble” - these are the typical complaints of confused parents who do not understand what happened to their not so long ago such a dependent child.

Where can I find a playmate?

In young parents, there is still a lot of childishness in themselves. On the one hand, this is a minus, since adults sometimes get on the same board with a child. Dad plays board games with his son as with an adult partner and does not want to give in to any, mom is seriously offended by her daughter as a friend. But on the other hand, it is usually easier for them to play with a child, and run, and jump, and fight. They have not yet forgotten themselves in childhood, and they don’t prick in the side, they don’t pick up their hearts.

Late children find themselves in a disadvantageous position here too. They often have no one to play with, no one to tinker with.

Most of them, for health reasons, are "non-Sadov", and friends of their parents' children are much older and are not good friends. It's easier for mom to read a book to a child than to roll cars on the floor for hours. She is more willing (and this is quite understandable!) To teach him English words than to crawl under the table, portraying a hare hiding in a burrow from a fox. Therefore, in the upbringing of late children, a tilt towards the intellectual side is so noticeable. Most often they grow up early, they are judicious beyond their years. But intellectual maturity is combined with social immaturity. And "underplay" in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism and an unsatisfied thirst for play at an age when, in fact, it is time to heal not for fun, but in earnest.

Anxiety to Irritability

At the age of five or six, almost all children begin to think about death. But parents are usually not very worried about, because they are still young, full of vital energy.

It is more difficult for later children. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but here there are very real reasons for anxiety. Deprived of the society of peers, without brothers and sisters (and often grandparents!), A child feels lonely. He has no other rear but his parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.

The anxiety of late children is intensified by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in their declining years, they, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, catch the mood of adults, and their own fears are amplified many times over when disturbing waves emanate from their parents.

Anxiety, insecurity, fear give rise to irritability. A person is worried, cannot cope with himself and throws out his irritation on those who are not afraid - usually on those closest to him. "Late" mothers feel insecure in the teaching field. On the one hand, they have no parenting experience, and on the other, self-criticism is already very developed. They want to give the child everything to the maximum, they experience their pedagogical mistakes much more acutely than young parents, more often they suffer from a sense of their own inadequacy. Striving for perfection, they often make increased demands on the child, compare him with other children. They often do not have enough patience - it all seems that they will not be in time, there is not much time left, years are passing, it is necessary to have time to invest in the child as much as possible.

And later children, as already mentioned, are nervous, they often have attention deficit disorder, increased fatigue, excitability, disinhibition. A professional teacher does not always cope with them, let alone an inexperienced mother. Then my mother buys a mountain of psychological and pedagogical literature, begins to follow the advice of specialists. But the advice in different books is different, some clear line cannot be followed, and therefore the result is zero. The mother is even more nervous, begins to break down. And who is always there? Who is the closest and most defenseless? Of course a child. The circle is closed. The most dear and beloved, the one for whom she is ready to sacrifice everything in the world, is under attack. And in a figurative, and sometimes in the literal sense of the word.

Everything mentioned above mainly applies to only children. In large families, where, naturally, a late child can also be born, the situation is fundamentally different. Childbirth, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries or complications. The mother has the richest parenting experience, the grown older children become reliable assistants and nannies of the baby. Late children are drawn to older children and much faster than others acquire social and everyday skills, like a fish in water feel in a group of different ages. This greatly facilitates their life, including school life, because a significant part of the problems of school maladjustment are generated by the psychological difficulties of the child.

Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, elder brothers and sisters for them - a reliable rear. And parents are calmer when they understand that if something happens, there is someone to take care of their little son or daughter.

All this creates much more favorable conditions for the mental and intellectual development of the child. Perhaps that is why there are not so many firstborns among great people? Thus, the great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. German composer Ludwig van Beethoven is seventh. Spanish classic Cervantes is fourth, Chekhov is third. Prince Daniel of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the annals as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family). An outstanding woman of the Catherine era, Princess Dashkova, was born the fourth. By the way, our current President Vladimir Putin is also a late child. And also not the firstborn.

From the dossier "Nanny"

Now you can often hear that late pregnancies have a very high risk of having a baby with Down syndrome. But statistics show otherwise. “The likelihood of this happening is surprisingly low at all ages, despite the hype in recent years,” writes American researcher Jacqueline Keyzan. “In children born to 40-year-old women, the probability of the disease is 1 in 100, and in women up to thirty - 1 in 1000.” In Russian textbooks for medical universities, the figure of 3% flashes (for childbirth at the age of 45), that is, 3 per 100, which is also not so much.

Chronicle of late childbirth

In the 30s, hormone therapy was invented. Doctors began injecting pregnant mare urine extract (later called Premarin and used by menopausal women) in a group of infertile women. Some of them were able to get pregnant.

In the 50s, in vitro fertilization (outside the human body) appeared.

After ten years, drugs appear that improve fertility (days when you can conceive). The oral drug Clomid is the most commonly prescribed drug.

In 1978, Louise Brown was born - the first "test tube" baby. British doctors managed to achieve fertilization of an egg in a test tube and implant it in the mother's body.

In the 80s, scientists learned not only to extract and fertilize eggs, but also to freeze embryos and store them for a long time. Two new types of fertilization have been created: in one case, the sperm and the egg are launched into the fallopian tubes, where fertilization takes place; in the other, the embryo first grows in a test tube and only then is implanted into the uterus.

The development of fertility-enhancing procedures posed ethical concerns for doctors in the 1990s. A 63-year-old California resident, hiding her real age, becomes pregnant with the help of an egg donor and becomes the mother of a healthy girl. At the moment, she is the oldest registered woman in the world who has given birth to a child.

From the dossier "Nanny"

According to the results of recent studies, the blood pressure of children directly depends on the age of the mother.

This pattern was established by specialists from Harvard Medical School, who have already examined more than 300 newborns. According to the results of processing the first data, for every additional five years of the mother's age, the child's pressure rises by 1.5 millimeters of mercury. According to one of the authors of the study, Dr. Matthew Gillman, the exact cause of the increase in blood pressure in children has not yet been established. Presumably, the blame for this is a violation of the production of hormones in a woman, against the background of which an age-related pregnancy proceeds, and a decrease in the function of the placenta.

Research plan for "late" mothers:

on 11-14th A.D. b. - ultrasound of the uterus;

on 16-20th n. b. - a woman's blood test for blood hormones (alpha-feta protein and chorionic gonadotropin). Results in 2 weeks;

at any time from the 16th century. b. until the end of pregnancy - amniocentesis - study of amniotic fluid. Results - after 3 weeks;

l 20-24 n. b. - ultrasound;

l for any period from 20 N.b. until the end of pregnancy - cordocentesis, examination of umbilical cord tissue cells. Results in a week.

From the dossier "Nanny"

Perhaps age affects the sex of the child. Women who dream of sons tend to gravitate towards mature men! Scientists from the UK have found that women whose husbands are 10-15 years older than them give birth to their first male child twice as often as those whose husbands are the same age or younger.

Research shows that children of adult parents do better at school and have more leaders among them. It's more complicated about geniuses. The latter are often premature at birth, which is also not uncommon in late childbirth. Late-born children have a "meaningful" conservative upbringing - the parents are wiser. As a result, a personality is formed, socially somewhat isolated, emotionally withdrawn, but at the same time striving to control the situation as much as possible. In a word, the boss.

A quarter of a century ago, most of the students by the end of the institute became mothers, and now they want to first "take a walk", then "how to get settled in life", "take place professionally" ... And when a woman matures to the desire to have a child, she is often well over thirty ...

It would seem, live and rejoice. A late child is almost always welcome. All conditions are created for him, he is given the best. Mom no longer wants to run away from the baby to the theater or to her friend in the evening, she bathes in motherhood. Even the word “I” disappears from the lexicon, being replaced by the pronoun “we”: “We are already holding our head ...”, “It's time for us to get vaccinated ...”

However, child psychiatrists believe that late children are often vulnerable both physically and mentally, and especially in psychosocial, since late-bearing mothers often experience pathologies of pregnancy and childbirth, which affects the health of babies.

Late children are more prone to all kinds of disorders than others: endocrine, allergic, psychosomatic.

With a late child, it is difficult to avoid the so-called overprotection, which gives rise to infantilism and childhood fears. As a result, the child's already unstable psyche is shattered even more.

No one to play with

Late children often have no one to play with, because many of them are not Sadovs for health reasons, and the children of their parents' friends are much older and are not good friends. It's easier for mom to read a book to a child than to roll cars with him on the floor for hours. She is more willing (and this is quite understandable!) To teach him English words than to crawl under the table, portraying a hare hiding in a burrow from a fox. Therefore, in the upbringing of late children, a tilt towards intellectual development is so noticeable. But their intellectual maturity is combined with social immaturity, and “underplay” in childhood is fraught with an unexpected outburst of infantilism, an unexpected interest in playing at an age when it’s time to heal not just for fun, but in earnest.

Winter of our alarm

At the age of 5-6, almost all children begin to think about death. But parents are usually not very worried about, because they are still young. It is more difficult for later children. They are already prone to anxious expectations, but here there are very real reasons for anxiety. They often have no other rear but their parents, and the fear of losing them is very strong.

The anxiety of late children is intensified by the anxiety of their parents. Having received a long-awaited child in his declining years, middle-aged mothers and fathers, of course, are very worried about his life and health. And children, like antennas, catch the mood of adults.

In a big family

In large families, where, naturally, a late child can also be born, the situation is different. Mother's childbirth, as a rule, proceeds normally, without injuries or complications. Parents have a wealth of experience, grown older children (of course, with the right upbringing) become reliable helpers for mothers and nannies for the baby. The offspring in a large family are drawn to their elders and quickly acquire social and everyday skills, like a fish in water, they feel like they are in a multi-age group of children. This greatly facilitates their life, including school life, because a significant part of the problems of school maladjustment are generated by the psychological difficulties of the child.

Late children in large families do not suffer from loneliness. A large family clan, elder brothers and sisters are a reliable rear for them. And parents are calmer when they understand that if something happens, there is someone to take care of their youngest.

However, in any case, a child is a great happiness. And let it be for a wide variety of people: both young and not so much ...

Among the great people there were many late children from large families. The great Russian scientist Dmitry Mendeleev was the fourteenth child in the family. Spanish classic Miguel de Cervantes is fourth, writer Anton Chekhov is third. Prince Daniel of Moscow, to whom Moscow owes its rise, is named in the annals as the fourth of the sons (hence, there were also daughters in the family).

Personal opinion

Yulia Mikhalkova:

The opinion that late children have a lot of problems, since their parents often spoil them, in my opinion, is still a delusion. I will only agree that such children are the most long-awaited. But, in my opinion, this is not a reason to love a child more or less. Parental love is a constant value.