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Psychologist's advice: what to do if your husband is jealous? What if my husband is jealous? I live eternal fear from a jealous husband

If you got a jealous husband, you probably hope that over time he will change, calm down. Family psychologist Olesya Simonova warns: for this to happen, a woman needs to be patient and work on the situation.

Women, justifying their spouse, often say: "If he is jealous, it means that he loves!" And there is a grain of truth in these words. But sometimes, outbursts of suspicion turn family life into hell. And you need to distinguish between the reasons for this feeling in order to understand how to behave correctly with a man.

Healthy jealousy

This is the spouse's reaction to a real threat. Sometimes a woman does not even notice that with her behavior and lifestyle she throws up reasons for dissatisfaction. For example, she ...

Independent, does not devote the other half to her affairs;

She is sociable, enjoys spending time with friends, without inviting her spouse to their company;

In the presence of her husband he allows himself to flirt with other men;

She wants to remain a mystery for the chosen one, does not say something, allowing her to think that she has something to hide.

Symptoms

The husband is worried when his wife has many fans, but even when he is angry, he does not explode, does not bring charges. Or he reminds you of mistakes in behavior, but expresses his claims calmly.

What to do

Decide for yourself what kind of marriage you want. If both spouses like a relationship with a fire, so that passions boil, then without provocations it will become boring. And if peace of mind is more important in the family, start building trusting relationships.

Calm down your husband. Explain to him that he is your beloved and only man. Remain calm if you are jealous. Finding out a relationship when emotions are raging is pointless. Wait for the hurricane to subside. Do not provoke the chosen one, forget about flirting with other men. Spend more time together, and if you go out with friends or girlfriends, invite your spouse with you.

Pathological jealousy

This option requires serious measures. The wife does not give reasons for anger, the reasons for dissatisfaction lie in the man. For example, he ...

Lack of love in childhood. Mom was busy only with herself and work. The husband suspects his wife of coldness;

Not confident in himself, feels unnecessary;

Too domineering, he is haunted by the fear of losing control of his beloved woman;

He is unfaithful to his wife, judges her by himself;

He was burned in the past, he was already betrayed, he is afraid of a repetition of the situation.

Symptoms

The man controls your every step, checks the phone and personal mail. Arranges a scandal from scratch - flashes like a match when any suspicious object appears on the horizon. Constantly interrogates, accuses you of non-existent sins, his emotions prevail over reason.

Many girls wonder what to do if the husband is jealous. It seems that everything in life is good, the children are growing, the family is prosperous, the beloved gives flowers, and he has no bad habits, but the man does not let go of walking with his friends. Why? Read the reasons for jealousy and how to deal with it below.

Definition

What is jealousy? This is the feeling that a person has when he sees that someone else likes his things or loved ones. Jealousy gives rise to fear that a stranger is able to take away what he does not want to give at all. It must be said that the instinct of ownership is more developed in men. That is why the expression jealous husband can be heard more often than the phrase jealous wife. Women tend to be jealous, they want to possess what they do not have. Men are mostly realists. Therefore, envy of their hearts rarely bothers, but the fear that they may lose their most dear and beloved often gnaws at many of the stronger sex.

Or maybe jealousy is useful?

In small doses, everything is useful to a person. Therefore, even a jealous husband pleases his wife if he skillfully doses his lack. After all, any woman is pleased when they take care of her, they talk to her and see her off to work or the store. For some men, jealousy does not go beyond boundaries. They are just softly controlling their wife. By limiting a person's freedom in one area of ​​life, he needs to compensate for this in another area. Therefore, many men prefer to put a woman on a pedestal, and for this she does not give reasons for jealousy.

But this is, of course, ideal. In most cases, the husband is jealous for no reason. And he does it not in a mild form. A man can shout at a woman, beat her, so that she confesses to atrocities that she did not commit. Such tyrants should not be tolerated. After all, this is a neglected form of jealousy and it needs to be treated in a psychiatric hospital.

Self-doubt

A jealous husband is not always a problem for a woman. You need to be able to distinguish between the reasons that a man is guided by when doing this or that act. If you understand the logic of his actions, then it will not be so difficult for him to help. One of the most common reasons for jealousy is self-doubt.

How does it happen that a person loses faith in himself? Men work a lot, and they are used to seeing the result of their work. But it happens that friends and acquaintances do better. They can afford a luxury car, branded clothing and the most beautiful girls. And what remains for men with average incomes? All that did not suit the rich. This is how self-doubt is born. A man seems to be making a lot of efforts, but they all turn out to be useless, because friends who work the same amount of results more. A woman who has linked life with such a man should remind him that money is not happiness and not in status. After all, perhaps rich friends do not have a family, and they are forced to fill the void with attributes of luxury that do not bring pleasure at all.

Uncertainty in the chosen one

Family problems begin where jealousy is born. A man can demand an explanation from a woman where she disappeared last night. Moreover, to a completely honest answer that she was with a friend, the husband may simply "boil." He does not trust his wife and can often even check her. For example, spying on a woman when she returns from work or when she went to her mother. The psychology of a man's jealousy lies in his own insecurity. After all, the husband understands that his wife is a beautiful and intelligent woman, and therefore, can meet a better-off and attractive man. These thoughts can even become an obsession. Moreover, for some men it comes to insanity, they come up with an illusion, and for them it becomes a reality.

How can you help a man in this situation? It is worth raising his self-esteem. It will be quite enough to inspire your chosen one every day that he is the best thing that has happened in your life. From time to time you can give him gifts and arrange romantic dinners. The main task is to convince a man that he is loved and desired.

Mistakes in the past

Family problems can arise through no fault of the spouses. It may sound strange, but some people know how to be jealous of their ex. Moreover, this manifests itself even when, for example, the wife's ex-husband lives in another city or, in general, has died. The man thinks that the previous companion of his chosen one was better than him. In this case, you need to convince your husband that this is not the case. You can boost your self-esteem with honest stories, about the mistakes of your ex, and about how good you are in the present.

Sometimes the husband's past interferes with family life. For example, he is too used to his ex-girlfriend and treats his wife like his previous chosen one. He may even be jealous of her for reasons for which she is not at all to blame. This mental disorder is associated with loss aversion. The man chose his wife not because he loves her, but because he wanted to close the spiritual emptiness. What can be done in such a situation? Either leave a man or try to reason with him, explaining the difference between his former passion and himself

Low self-esteem

“I'm jealous of you” - that's what the wife of a man who cannot take a sober look at the situation hears. After all, it is low self-esteem that instills self-doubt in a man. Everything can begin with the fact that a person under the age of 20 has not perfectly mastered a single skill. In the future, he has nothing to support or comfort himself with. He has to admit that time is passing, and he has not yet achieved anything.

Against this background, a young person develops depression, and as a result, it often affects not only him, but also those close to him. Most often, wives suffer. They are subject to terrible jealousy. This especially threatens those ladies who, by popular definition, are clever and beautiful. By looking at his wife, the husband can understand his insignificance. After all, a woman has time to raise a child and go to work, and take care of herself. Naturally, the man is afraid of losing her. In order to calm her faithful one, a woman must tell him that anything can happen in life. Now he has a black stripe. But still, you should not shut yourself in and dump the burden of your problems on your loved ones. You need to pull yourself together and continue to improve. And it's also nice to say compliments to a man, they flatter the stronger sex with low self-esteem.

Overprotective childhood

The phrase "I'm jealous of you" can often be heard from a man who is in a close relationship with his mother. He is used to being the center of a universe for women. This is especially pronounced if the man did not have a father. Mom idolized her son, gave him all her love and tenderness. And, naturally, growing up, a man believes that every woman will treat him this way. And when he realizes that this is not so, jealousy begins. In fact, such a man is a big child. He wants the universe to revolve around him. A woman has two choices: either she destroys her husband's world and tells him to learn to live independently, or try to live in the illusory world of a beloved man. It cannot be said which option is better. It is worth choosing the one that you like.

What men jealousy threatens a woman

It should be understood that excessive custody on the part of a loved one is not always a disease. Feeling jealous is a normal expression of love. After all, just such a prick in the heart can show a man that he is not indifferent to a woman. If jealousy is not unfounded and manifests itself from time to time in the company of friends, this is quite normal. Many women even deliberately provoke men to jealousy, arguing that this is a way to refresh feelings.

But sometimes men go overboard. In the most extreme cases, some even commit murder out of jealousy. Of course, this should not be allowed. After all, when a person becomes inadequate, then he can do anything. There are cases when a man killed not only the object of his love, but also children and himself. Therefore, in the case when fits of jealousy end in beatings, and not just violent abuse, you need to contact a specialist.

How to deal with jealousy

What to do if the husband cannot control himself. After each trip to a friend or because of a minor delay at work, a scandal ensues. And the reason for everything is jealousy. Psychologist's advice in this case is the same. In no case should a man give a reason to raise a scandal. Do not tease him or mock him in an attempt to refresh his senses. If it is easier for a woman, then she may consider jealousy like a cold. After all, you will not open the window for a sick person so that he can be ventilated. So it is here, it is better to answer all questions without concealment. Even if they are too thorough. But this can be practiced for a day or two. If such inquiries become an evening ritual, then they must be stopped. Why? Because a person becomes obsessed. In this case, you need to contact a family psychologist.

For prevention, if you know that a man is prone to jealousy, say sweet words and compliment him. Do not forget to confess your love and make all kinds of signs of attention. This will lead the man to believe in your feelings and his worries will disappear.

Is jealousy worth it

Many girls sincerely believe that they can change their chosen ones. Is it really? No. A person changes only if he wants to change himself. It is simply impossible to impose someone else's way of thinking on him. Therefore, you should not marry a person if his jealousy annoys you. It won't get better over the years. Bad habits only get worse with age. But jealousy is not a habit. This feeling and many tend to think that it is involuntary. After all, there is a saying "jealous - it means that he loves." And it is true, but only in the case when this feeling of a person rarely visits.

In any relationship there should be a "spark" when lovers feel the chemistry, and the feelings they feel slightly give way. In the candy-bouquet period, when love is just emerging between two people, there is a place for doubts, worries and fear of losing your beloved.

When a man and a woman have already secured their marriage bonds, it officially seems that now the idyll should definitely come to a common house. However, the sad statistics of divorces and cases of domestic violence motivated by jealousy are our everyday reality, which cannot be denied.

Jealousy can manifest itself in different ways: a small lament from the husband, recommendations about who should not be "friends" with, what can be worn / what is categorically not allowed, how to paint, or even total control with the use of violence. In any of the above manifestations, there is a problem. And it is worth confessing that not yours, but your husband's! We spoke with an experienced psychologist and director Center of psychological literacy "Insight" by Dilyara Galieva about what is the root of all men's experiences, how to react to all this and what to do if jealousy has gone too far?

The psychologist answers common questions:

1. Where does jealousy come from in men?

Jealousy is, first of all, mistrust combined with self-doubt and a sense of ownership. Jealousy is not a sign of love, but rather of possession. A jealous man is one who believes that his partner belongs only to him, but there is a threat that he may belong to someone else. The reasons for feeling jealous are many: low self-esteem, betrayal or a painful past, uncertainty about how you look, and many other factors. The tenth commandment of "Deuteronomy": "Do not covet your neighbor's wife and do not covet your neighbor's house, neither his field, nor his servant, ... nor everything that your neighbor has” - is relevant now, and not only in the times of the Old Testament ... This commandment reflects almost all the secret thoughts of a man, based on human envy…. Jealousy is a combination of fear and anger: fear of losing something, anger that someone is approaching something that you think belongs to you.

Classical psychoanalysis believes that jealousy arises in childhood: in girls - dad to mom, in boys - mom to dad. That is, jealousy blooms brightly at 3-5 years old and is accompanied by romantic feelings towards the parent of the opposite sex and hostility towards the parent of the same sex. After Freud, the more generally accepted idea is that children from infancy are jealous of their mother for their father, regardless of gender, since an exclusive, special relationship with the mother is important for the child from the very beginning of his development - a person who feeds, warms, protects and protects.

If the child has enough warmth, care and attention from the mother, then he outgrows jealousy.

2. Is it true that women themselves provoke men?

If a woman grew up in a family where she observed the betrayal of her father and the constant suffering of her mother, then on a subconscious level she remembers all the bitterness and resentment of a devoted woman. But, unfortunately, what we fear most is what we stumble upon. Therefore, such a woman begins to see and notice in her man the habits and steps that her dad took. And naturally, only one thought comes to her mind: “Soon they will cheat on me. I have to do my best to stop this. " This again provokes jealousy, suspicion, reproaches and similar feminine tricks that we are so often used to listening to. Sometimes women often resort to jealousy as a means of seduction. They take pleasure in making their husband jealous because they think that he will love more. Ladies leave false signs of infidelity, notes with unfamiliar handwriting, other people's photographs. Partly true. But this is a dangerous game, and the effect can be reversed.

3. What if the husband controls his wife's appearance (does not allow her to paint brightly or wear a short one)?

Already in the first days, when you just started growing the flower of your love together, and your husband is trying to control you, this is the first swallow. Therefore, here you need to be especially sensitive, to feel the difference between control and natural curiosity, taking into account that the relationship itself provides for a certain control over each other's actions. Ideally, however, this control should be more like unobtrusive observation. You are aware of each other's affairs. This is fine.

It is not normal when one of the partners begins to dictate their own rules of conduct: “don’t go there,” “don’t talk to that one,” “you don’t dress properly,” “why did you put on so much makeup,” and other unfounded statements that smell of despotism. Therefore, it is necessary:

  • Listen to yourself: how comfortable is your husband for you? Does he respect your opinion on this or that issue, does he listen to him?
  • Ask openly what his attitude is to jealousy. If you ask this question directly, then you can discuss this question, find out what doubts your husband has in you and give him a full detailed answer.
  • Tell your husband that there should be a golden mean in everything and everywhere. Control in a relationship should be like light but reliable support "under the elbow" to keep you from falling, and not be the tenacious grip of a policeman to keep you from breaking free. Do you feel the difference?
  • If you have not achieved the "golden mean", then you can ask a psychologist on family relations for advice.

4. When can jealousy turn into danger (beatings, jealous killings)?

Each person expresses his jealousy, like many other emotions, in his own way. Someone makes a grandiose scandal, in a rage destroys the surrounding objects, and another person, on the contrary, quietly accumulates anger in himself in order to explode at one fine moment, like a volcano. If you look at the problem from this side, the reasons that seem initially noble become not so pure. However, in the modern environment, the level of expression of the feeling of possessiveness ends exactly where the social norms of society, the inviolability of the personal space of each person and other ethical barriers come into force. This includes the third type of jealousy, bordering on meanness. In this type, not only social norms of behavior are violated, but also the boundaries of the partner's personal space. This is the installation of spying on a partner, a thorough examination of personal belongings, pockets, SMS, the log of incoming / outgoing calls, the requirement for strict accountability for spending the day, accurate to the minute, and other actions that bring the partner to a state of white heat.

This kind of jealousy is a serious psychological dependence that prevails over the jealous person. Even if we omit the fact that the object of jealousy is somewhat humiliated by such total control of his life, there remains one more problem: the jealous himself. A jealous person experiences severe psychological stress, a kind of obsession that leads to nervous breakdowns and breakdowns, which, to put it mildly, does not have a very favorable effect on harmony in relationships. In the most extreme versions of jealousy, turning into paranoid experiences (delusional), is jealousy, which over the years is overgrown with "an absurd evidence base for betrayal of one of the spouses." Prognostically unfavorable signs are: domestic violence in the form of beatings, long "night interrogations", constant drunken "showdowns" ending in inappropriate forms of behavior. It is impossible to ignore all these forms of behavior and call them "jealous, that means he loves ...". In such cases, it is necessary to ring all the bells, contact law enforcement agencies, contact psychotherapists. In our society, there is still an opinion that turning to psychotherapists means admitting that you have a mental illness, which is a shame. Beating, humiliation, constant stress as a result of jealousy in our society is recognized as a fact, most often at the stage of illegal actions that have taken on a socially dangerous nature.

5. And finally, how to deal with all this?

What if you feel something more than the usual jealous joke about your partner's stinging question? Do not take any hasty action. Wait for the moment when you are alone so that you can calmly think about everything.

Analyze your actions in the two to three weeks preceding the appearance of a disgruntled wrinkle on your partner's forehead. Haven't you done something that could push the half into a double understanding of what is happening? Try to evaluate your actions objectively (easy to say!) And assume the nature of the assessment of your actions from the point of view of your partner. You have been together for a long time, so it will not be difficult.

If introspection has not shown, in your opinion, anything remarkable, it makes sense to talk to your partner. Calmly sit on the sofa, opposite each other and discuss exciting topics. Don't make a scandal - there is no reason yet. Just find out specifically from the person what is bothering him. Give full, detailed answers to all his questions.

If there are no questions and the partner closes in himself, says that “everything is fine and nothing bothers you,” draw his attention to a specific moment in which you felt that something was wrong. Ask for clarification about what is bothering your spouse.

The main thing is to remain calm throughout the conversation. Do not put pressure on your partner under any circumstances. Remember that your task is to understand the situation and return harmony to the relationship, and not reproach your beloved half for being too vigilant.

After the cause of the looming conflict is found, go to the search for a solution that suits both sides, to a compromise.

If jealousy has become similar to open guerrilla warfare (the third type of jealousy), the conversation should be more specific. Feel free to talk about things that don't suit you: assert your right to comfort. Remember that one person’s rights end exactly where another’s rights begin. No one has the right to violate your personal comfort zone without your permission. Place dots over the i. And avoid talking in the style of "if you do this, then I will do this." This is a utopian policy, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good.

Psychological position: treat other people the way you would like to be treated. If you want not to be cheated on - do not cheat, do not want to listen to scenes of jealousy - do not arrange them yourself, otherwise the boomerang will return. What to do? First you need to answer the question: who is to blame? Maybe you really are giving a reason? Of course, staying up late without a plausible reason, smiling at his friends, praising colleagues (especially if they surpassed her husband in some way), comparing with more successful rivals is not a crime, but if he did this in relation to you, it was would it be nice? So you have to start with yourself, your beloved.

The best treatment is prevention ... You can try to praise your husband more often, especially in the presence of his relatives, colleagues and friends, pay attention to his dignity and emphasize that you have never seen a better man than him. Praise only real merit. Agree, if a man sees that his wife is happy with him and only praises him, it is difficult to make a scandal because of some kind of smile at another person. Try to boil it down to a joke. Vladimir Levy advised married couples suffering from jealousy of one of the spouses to put jealousy on stream, to make it a daily duty, for example, obligatory clarification of the relationship for 20-30 minutes every evening. At the same time, it is impossible to repeat, it is necessary to bring more and more arguments and confirmations of the spouse's infidelity, to do this in a variety of ways, with inspiration and regularly. After a few weeks or months, the very process of "jealousy" gets bored, the reserves of arguments are depleted, and jealousy "by duty" no longer causes so many emotions and does not lead to grandiose quarrels.

Every woman would like to feel desirable, unique, loved and significant for her man. Unfortunately, male jealousy is often mistaken for a manifestation of love. Over time, jealousy begins to poison family life, leading to constant showdowns, interrogations and scandals.

What if your man is jealous? Should the relationship be maintained? How to deal with a jealous husband?

Let's find out what family psychologists advise.


Why are men jealous?

Most often, jealousy is the result of male infantilism and low self-esteem. Infantilism can develop against the background of excessive maternal custody, when the mother, trying to protect her son from unnecessary worries, tries to gratify any of his whims.

It is clear that a man with such an upbringing is unlikely to become a husband who cares about the happiness of his wife and the well-being of his family. Rather, he will prefer the role of an over-aged child, around whom everyone around him dances, having no right to their desires, and even more so to some kind of personal freedom, paying all attention to his beloved. And he only pushes his loved ones around, not giving them a breath.

Unsuccessful experience of communication with the female sex can lead to low self-esteem. In addition, if a man is not yet strong enough on his feet and is not too successful in material terms, this can also greatly affect his self-esteem, especially if his other friends have already been able to achieve something in life.

If a man sees that other men surpass him in strength, decisiveness, the ability to achieve success not only at work, but also with the beautiful half of humanity, then this very strongly affects his confidence in his solvency.

In this case, the man ceases to believe that a woman can love him disinterestedly and wholeheartedly. It begins to seem to him that female feelings are just a pretense, hiding her true attitude towards him.

It is depressing. He begins to fear losing his woman, becomes very suspicious, looks for signs of her infidelity in everything - in delays at work, in telephone conversations, SMS, in the desire to dress beautifully, to look attractive.

A jealous person fears that a woman will meet a more successful man, who is higher on the social ladder, more attractive and more skillful in bed.

Jealousy takes on a manic color, literally driving a man crazy. He constantly asks his wife in detail about where and with whom she was, what they did there, demands confirmation of her love and loyalty, and becomes aggressive.

Often, jealous people try in every possible way to humiliate a woman, to emphasize her inconsistency, to convince her that no one needs her. Often declaring at the same time that if she does not stop "behaving this way," he will leave her, and she will have hard times. The woman falls into depression, there is a psychological dependence on her tyrant husband.


What if my husband is jealous?

Of course, it is best not to connect your life with a jealous person, so that later you will not regret it. To do this, you need to look very closely at your chosen one even at the stage of acquaintance and, having noticed manifestations of jealousy, do not hope that they are temporary and will subsequently pass by themselves.

But love often turns out to be blind and the fact that a man is jealous may come to light later. What to do in this case?

The most important thing is not to give reasons for jealousy. Do not turn off the phone, do not disappear in an unknown direction. If you have to stay late at work, it is better to inform your husband in advance so that he does not wind himself up in anticipation.

Periodically, let the man understand that he is dear to you, what you think of him. Call, send SMS.

Do not forget to sometimes praise your husband, say kind words. Do not compare him with other men, do not set others as an example. This is very painful for male pride and can only exacerbate jealousy.

If your husband begins to pester with questions, do not close, causing unnecessary suspicion. Tell us where you were and how you spent your time while he was away. Hug him, smile and make it clear that you miss him.

The biggest problem between a jealous and non-jealous partner is that the jealous one considers his behavior to be completely normal and natural: "I love you!" And not a jealous one, who has become the object of suspicion, is offended, "How dare you suspect me, I didn't even have this in my thoughts!" And if it really was not, then he is an offended innocence. And if it was (either in thoughts or in reality) - then not innocence, but also offended because of the attempt on his freedom. The logic here is generally incomprehensible to those who are jealous, it is something like this "My body, what I want with it, I do it!". And no arguments about "jealousy is the sister of love" pass here. Because these people have completely different ideas about love.

Quarrels and showdowns can stop for this couple only if one (or better both) reconciles with the presence of jealousy in one and its complete absence in the other. And they will be attentive to each other's feelings.

What does it mean to be attentive to each other's feelings?

The jealous person will begin to think about how to defeat their jealousy, or at least hide it. And even better - psychologically "treat", so as not to offend the suspicions of a loved one.

The uneven partner will learn a few rules (below).

That is, in order for such a couple to survive as a couple, they must focus not on themselves, beloved, but on their soul mate. And this is - the proof of true love.

So the rules:

How to behave if you have a jealous husband or a jealous wife.

Rule one:

Remember forever, “raising” a jealous husband or a jealous person is useless. ”In your attempts to talk about this feeling as something bad, backward and dense, he (she) will see that you want to get rid of control on his part. ... to go all out!

If you nevertheless, despite his habit of being jealous even of a lamppost, still continue to live with him, accept his jealousy as his integral part: as height or eye color. And do not resist his control, on the contrary, help him control you!

How does it feel to help yourself control?

This is the second rule:

Tell him everything about yourself and in detail! A jealous person gets nervous if they don't have enough information about you.

I know a family where it was enough to drop the call a couple of times to create a scene of jealousy. And if the mobile sat down and did not answer within three hours - this could already be considered a reason for divorce.

Therefore - to answer the calls, to charge the mobile phone on time, and most importantly - to tell about yourself in detail where you were and what you did, whom you saw, whom you met by chance.

The topic of a chance meeting with an old acquaintance of the opposite sex, which suddenly surfaced a couple of days later ("Why didn't you tell me right away ?!), will make you suspect ... what? Of course, insidious treason!

He needs to know who is texting you or texting you on social networks. Who asks to be your friends and how dare he.

Tell everything in detail!

Rule three:

A jealous person needs constant confirmation that you need him, and that you are not going anywhere and are not planning to go anywhere. You can say this in plain text: "I love you, I need (need) you, you are the best (best), and we will always be together." Even if it's not entirely true, you better say it. Because there is an unhealed wound in his soul. It cannot be completely healed. You can put painkillers on it and bandage it ... these are your words about eternal love and fidelity. Asking yourself the question "why is this?" it is possible, but this does not solve the issue. His childhood made him that way. Only internal work can change him, to which he himself must agree, and only he himself can do it. This is possible if he himself understands that the problem is in him. And if he does not understand, then he will not think about how to defeat jealousy, he will think about how to control you. In this case, your task is to lull his wound.

Jealous people are constantly hungry.

Your jealous wife (or jealous husband) will always be hungry for attention. And this hunger of theirs cannot be satisfied forever. Therefore, if you tell such a person that you love him and you need him today, then tomorrow he is again not sure about it! And as a drug addict will demand a new dose of praise and love ... The roots of this hunger are in his childhood, and you cannot fix it. You can only "deal" with yourself (see point 13). And you just have to accept your partner as he is.

Rule four:

If you are being challenged (which often happens if you live with a jealous person), never make excuses, avoid the guilty look and tone!

As you know, “whoever makes excuses is to blame,” so this will only make matters worse, even if your arguments are logical and the alibi is flawless. Your jealous partner will perceive the tone, not the words, because jealousy is an emotion, and the language of the mind cannot handle it. Speak firmly, keep your shoulders straight and look into your eyes.

Don't make excuses!

Rule five:

If you have something to hide, hide carefully!

The jealous partner must learn conspiracy and remember to erase suspicious SMS, emails, messages on social networks.

You need to learn conspiracy, even if you are as pure as crystal.

Rule six:

Even if you have nothing to hide, be careful too! The brains of a jealous husband and a jealous wife are arranged in such a way that from the most innocent event he will manage to "grow" a whole story.

One lady in SMS with the text: "Soon?" spotted the trail of his mistress. In fact, it was a friend with whom my husband was going to drink beer and watch football. The fact that the SMS was from the contact "Serega" only added fuel to the fire, they say, the husband "encrypted" his mistress. No reasonable arguments worked for his wife, she came up with the following: "If it were really Seryoga, he would have called, why would he write an SMS?"

You cannot count on the logic of a jealous person, he has it, but some kind of completely his own, from the point of view of a normal person, turned inside out. And, unfortunately, you can't do anything about it (see point # 1).

Rule Seven:

Avoid approvingly, or at least sympathetically with the heroes of films, books, performances, if the topic of jealousy and betrayal is touched upon. Neither can you sympathize with the deceived side (let alone joke, "they say, here is a sucker, they cheat on him, but he does not see!"), Much less deceiving. The best way is to tell a jealous wife that the movie didn't hook you, or something like: "It happens with people!" with slight disdain. Or mutter to a jealous husband that the film is not bad, but far from life. This will calm them best.

Rule Eight:

God forbid, in front of a jealous person, to flirt with someone or pay attention to signs of attention in your direction.

If your jealous half is so stupid that she will point out to you: "Why is this guy staring at you so?"

No flirting!

Rule nine:

If you decide to give yourself a gift (perfume, flowers, clothes, tie or whatever), keep the receipt and put it in a prominent place.

Do not give a reason to suspect you!

Rule ten:

Lingering somewhere, take preventive measures - report it by call or message. Avoid situations in which the jealous person is in the unknown and has time to screw himself up.

Rule eleven:

What to do with the jealousy that your partner shows not only to you, but to those around you (parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors). You may be ashamed and offended, especially if this scene of jealousy is from scratch.

There is nothing to be done, you will have to ignore it, shrugging your shoulders: "Such a person!", And then privately tell him about your feelings. Do not under any circumstances arrange a showdown in public, this will only exacerbate the situation.

Do not try to shame your loved one for a fit of jealousy in public.

Rule twelve:

If you are caught cheating ... confess or not? There is no definite answer, because everything is decided by the degree of jealousy of your partner, his gender and personality, as well as how irrefutable the evidence is. How not to recall the well-known anecdote here:

“How dare you lie to me that you haven't changed? I saw it with my own eyes!

- I'm not lying to you, but your shameless eyes!

Funny, but it can work, especially with men.

Why with them? A jealous husband in the event of his wife's betrayal feels bad. A jealous wife feels like a bad rival, and herself only offended. Therefore, a woman will more easily accept recognition and apologies (preferably with gifts). But the man will remember the betrayal as a betrayal, so it is better not to admit it, if there is such a possibility.

Do not admit any sympathy for other people, much less infidelity.

Rule thirteen:

If you are not jealous at all, then this offends the jealous partner, because for him this feeling is still a sign of love. Therefore, sometimes play his favorite game.

The scene of jealousy that you give him a couple of times a month will only please him.

Play his game.

Rule fourteen:

The most important rule: remember, if your partner is jealous of you, then there is a jealousy program in you! Perhaps you simply do not notice her, because you forbid yourself to show such "low" feelings, or the objects of your jealousy are not your husband or wife, but the successes of colleagues and competitors. In any case, only by working with your own jealousy can you influence your partner's jealousy.

Jealousy is your program!

If you acknowledge the existence of this program at home (albeit in a latent form), it will be easier for you to come to terms with it and follow the above rules.

In 90% of cases, it is not only the jealous person who is to blame for jealousy scandals, but also the one who lacks the patience and wisdom to avoid sharp corners. Or there is not enough basic knowledge of how to behave with a jealous husband and a jealous wife. But after this article you already have them. Is not it?