100 to 1 what a respectable man is afraid of. Why are we afraid of losing our virginity? Did you like the material? We will be grateful for the reposts

17.10.2019

No matter how ridiculous at first glance the question of what respectable respectable men are afraid of losing, in fact it is quite serious and requires a comprehensive consideration. There are a lot of things and not only material things, such as a house, family, money, which the powerful of this world prefer not to even talk about once again, so as not to lose.

First, it is solidity itself. In a world of cruel rules and endless struggle, no one is immune from defeat. Men with a certain high status in society, having their own business or holding a leadership position at work, sometimes wake up at night in a cold sweat from the fear of losing it all and becoming a completely ordinary and ordinary person.

From this follow other fears that torment respectable people. This, for example, is the fear of losing reputation in the eyes of others. Everyone is pleased when they are respected, and a man with a good reputation is doubly pleased, because he is the object of universal delight. It is hard and painful to disappoint loved ones. What will happen if you become a disappointment in the eyes of the whole society? For a respectable man, the loss of reputation is tantamount to the loss of himself.

In life, changes often happen and not everyone is good. Everything can collapse overnight, sink into oblivion. If you lose money, solidity, reputation and respect, then you can lose your family. The fear of loneliness in respectable people is especially great. Everyone knows how difficult it is to find a person who can really be trusted.

What else is a respectable man afraid of losing? Along with previous fears, like every member of the stronger sex, he is afraid of losing his popularity among women. This also includes various kinds of concerns related to health and beauty. Even if a man is rich, over the years, old age and its attendant problems still come: weakness, lack of independence, loss of reason, etc. How much this frightens all men without exception, and especially those who have everything and do not want to lose anything.

Many women see only money and fame in a respectable man. But even the strongest and most powerful lion sometimes wants to open his fragile and vulnerable soul to a loved one. It turns out that a rich family man is terribly afraid of losing his wife, and with her the warmth of the family hearth. A bachelor, on the contrary, fearing possible disappointments in the future, cannot in any way bring the matter to marriage.

What other insurmountable fears are there? Being in constant stress, many men are afraid of losing self-control. Such vices as addiction to drugs and alcohol, not one rich man led to bankruptcy. To find yourself at the very bottom with a strong addiction, without any plans for the future, without any meaning in life and not having the strength to change something in yourself - is there a situation worse than this?

Lose luck and lose ideas. Work with no free time, but still lose. Lose competitiveness and endurance... Become bald beyond recognition... There are so many things that mature respectable men are afraid to lose. But all these fears are completely natural and push to action. Perhaps it is thanks to them that the entire human race still exists.

Hello, I have a very big problem. I am 26 years old and my husband and I have been together for 3 years. I love him so much. But I just can't have sex.

Everything is fine with us, we kiss, we hug, I want him, but as soon as it comes to deprive me of my virginity, I feel excitement and fear inside me. I push him away, scream and refuse to let him touch me. I'm still a virgin. He also loves me and loves me very much, despite all these whims of mine, he is still with me, we got married, but we are still husband and wife. What should I do. How this fear will win, I don't know :(

I feel very bad.

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Evgenia Sergeeva

Administrator

Anonymous, good afternoon.
Because of the Latin, some points are not clear. I'll ask you a couple of questions to clarify the situation. Have you been married for three years? You write - "we got married, but we are still husband and wife on paper" - what does this mean? Have you addressed your problem to a psychologist or a sexologist?

22 Feb 2016

Sorry for my mistakes. We have been together for 3 years but got married a year ago. We are officially husband and wife. But I'm still a virgin. we hug, kiss, get excited, but how it comes to deprive my virginity, my problems begin. Not like I don’t let him, I push him away and scream. I'm getting scared. I do not know what is this. And he thinks I don't love him. But I love. And I love it a lot. But I don't know what's wrong with me.

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Evgenia Sergeeva

Administrator

Anonymous, can you formulate - what exactly are you afraid of? Pain? Unknown? Or just a vague anxiety?

22 Feb 2016

I'm also afraid of pain and I still don't know some kind of feeling inside, as if it's impossible to do this. All the muscles squeeze in the stomach are not pleasant feelings, pain, and despite the fact that it was excited at once, all the feeling dies. I start to panic and push him away.

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Evgenia Sergeeva

Administrator

Anonymous, have you shared this problem with anyone? With mom, sister, friend?

22 Feb 2016

No, they think everything is fine, well, we kind of do it. But today my husband said that I don't know why I love you. I want to make him happy but I can't.

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Evgenia Sergeeva

Administrator

Anonymous, I sympathize with your problem. But everything is solved, believe me. After a while, a psychologist will answer you and you will understand in more detail the reasons for your fear. Good luck!

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous, good afternoon!

Of course, it is difficult to judge the specifics of the problem from the letter, since the issue lies in the field of psychology and medicine. For example, there is such a medical concept of "vaginismus" - a reflex strong contraction of the muscles of the vagina, which makes sexual intercourse extremely painful or impossible. And it happens and so-called. "coitophobia" - fear of sexual intercourse, which is not accompanied by muscle contraction.

The reasons are both physiological and psychological.

With physiology here, we are unlikely to help you, you need a consultation with a gynecologist. And psychological problems can be dealt with. In any case, it is necessary to eliminate the causes (psychotraumatic or physiological) that prevent sexual intercourse.

To begin with, answer: have you been examined on this issue by a gynecologist?

22 Feb 2016

It is for this reason that no, they did not apply. Just did a check. My husband suggested that with the help of a doctor (with the help of an operation to remove it), but I did not agree to this. When we sleep, I know that he won't try, I'm calm, we hug and sleep. And since I feel that he wants and panic begins. My husband says ^I can do it, but I don't want to hurt you and I want you to want it yourself^ but I want to, relax myself, feel it. But there, as it were, a button, everything is pressed. Hysteria, panic begins.

22 Feb 2016

Anonymous

The panic you write about, what is it about? Are you afraid of losing your virginity (fear of pain?) or is it a rejection of sexual intercourse as such? Are there spasms when attempting intercourse?

And more questions - answer all, please:

1) Tell us about your childhood and relationship with your mom and dad. How did the family feel about sex?

2) What do you remember about your first sexual “experience”? By the word "experience" I mean not sexual intercourse, but games, fantasies, conversations, perhaps communication with peers on sexual topics?

3) Did you have relationships with young people before your husband, and if so, what kind?

4) Have you had any diseases or infections of the genital tract?

23 Feb 2016

I want us to have an act, but as it is already being prepared, fear begins in the stomach. I'm afraid of losing my virginity. I want to lose, I prepare myself, but I can’t. As he begins to do, before he touches me, my fear begins.

1. About myself. When I was 6 years old, my mom and dad broke up. We didn’t have any conversation about sex in our family, as it was considered shameful. Until the age of 16, I did not know how it happens. I knew that between a woman and a man there is some kind of love contact. But she didn't know how.

2. When I was 19, we bought a computer and the Internet. I started to find out from the Internet what it is like. Until the age of 19, I did not know what sperm is. That's where I started to read. The fact that there were questions in the brain, I searched and found. After a year, I already knew what it was. Sexual intercourse as it happens, why is it, an orgasm, etc. Then my friend got married and she told me that it was very painful and for 3 days she could not stand on her leg. Then I got a job in the media industry. Roughly say They opened my eyes. I was normal in sex, in love. Now I talk often with my husband about sex. We discuss poses, what I want, how I want. Sometimes he calls me a pervert. LEO how things come to bed. What I said disappears and fear appears. I'm just saying please give me time. It's been like this for a year now.

3. I didn't have a relationship before my husband. We met at work. I liked him. We love each other and got married.

4. No. I didn't have an illness.

And I apologize for the grammatical errors. I am still learning Russian.

23 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Anonymous,

Don't apologize for mistakes, it's okay!

To begin with, it is very good that your husband supports you - this is extremely important! All problems of a married couple are common, and usually a psychotherapist (sexologist) works with a couple.

This is what happens to you: consciously you are aware that sexual relations are necessary and pleasant (you talk with your husband about sex, discuss positions, etc.), but on an emotional level you experience fear of pain, which is reflected at the bodily level (muscles tighten , discomfort occurs). Usually emotions are harder to control than consciousness, which is why they take precedence over your conscious desire to start a sex life.

Perhaps mixed with the fear of pain is a deep-seated dislike of sex as something obscene, since in your first family sex was considered shameful. Consciously, you are not aware of this, but your body wants to remain "clean" so as not to experience shame. What do you think?

You wrote in the first letter that arises " feeling inside ... as if you can’t do it"- someone in childhood and adolescence told you that it was impossible? You can't, because what will happen?

How was your parents' life after the divorce? Did you communicate with your father? Did you have a stepfather?

23 Feb 2016

My body wants to stay "clean". Yes, in the depths of my soul, somewhere in the very dove, this feeling is there, I know this is not right, I am married, I must do this, I must give birth. But I can't handle myself.

Yes, I was told as a child. We have a custom so that a girl should lose her virginity after marriage. Not before marriage. It is a sin. And if on the wedding night the girl does not turn out to be a virgin, then this is considered a very big sin.

I rarely spoke to my father. He married another. But mom doesn't. Because we don't look at it well. And my mom didn't even think about it. And when relatives suggested that you get married, she always said that my daughter is important to me. If I get married and if he offends my daughter, I must kill him. And after the divorce, mom and dad never met and didn’t want to.

23 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Yes, I was told as a child. We have a custom so that a girl should lose her virginity after marriage. Not before marriage. It is a sin. And if on the wedding night the girl does not turn out to be a virgin, then this is considered a very big sin.
Click to reveal...

Is it possible that you are afraid of being a non-virgin?

24 Feb 2016

No, on the contrary, I want to. Because my husband loves me. Respectful, treats me very politely. Always supports me. He does what I want, how I want. Despite the fact that his work is hard, and he has very little time, but for me he always has time. I also want to make him happy. I don't want to lose him.

24 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Anonymous,

When I asked you my question, I meant that perhaps you are afraid of being a non-virgin “at a crucial moment”, which, according to your customs, will be interpreted as a sin and deception of your husband.

Your body and consciousness live a different life: the consciousness says “I want”, but the body resists. My guess is that between 6 (parents' divorce) and 16 (when you first found out about the relationship) there were other events that traumatized you - you may have forgotten about them, but your body remembers. What does it remember?

How did it happen that a modern girl did not know anything about sex until the age of 16 - usually they distribute information at school, you can learn about this in biology and anatomy lessons, plus teenage peers willingly share their “knowledge”, and so on. Correct me if I'm wrong!

And one more thing: yes, according to your customs, “it’s impossible before the wedding,” but you are already married! What do your customs say about the relationship between husband and wife?

24 Feb 2016

Anonymous

Anonymous,

Thank you for your responses! I think we have learned a lot. In the form of our correspondence consultation, I do not consider it correct to further probe you and “dig” too deeply - this is the prerogative of internal psychotherapy (sex therapy).

You are a conscious person, and you are aware of where the problems come from. At the same time, you are aware that you want a full-fledged relationship with your husband, whom, as you write, you love and want to make happy; you also think about children.

It is clear that many moments in your childhood and adolescence fixed on the psycho-emotional level a sense of shame and a ban on sexual relations. As the inner fear of shame has morphed on the surface into fear of pain, I suggest that you work on your own to overcome the anxious expectations of the first act as a first step:

1) Try to make love on the days when you can reach the maximum natural arousal (abundant vaginal estrogen lubrication) - this usually occurs in the middle of the cycle or before menstruation, watch yourself during the cycle. Much depends on the degree of lubrication (moisture) of the vagina, so in case of dryness, sexologists recommend using artificial lubricant;

2) To make the task easier, you can purchase various vaginal dilators in the adult store, starting with a small size, which will help you and your husband to make the appropriate "preparation". Petting will also be a plus, especially before the actual act;

3) Since there is muscle tension, then relaxation training is shown to you without fail. Relaxation as such is promoted by breathing exercises, relaxation exercises, massage. Everything can be found on the Internet. Belly dancing and yoga are great as a long-term health remedy for the female genital area;

5) It is mandatory to visit a gynecologist on this issue - modern doctors are well aware of it. The doctor must exclude physiological causes, may prescribe muscle relaxants (drugs to relieve muscle tension), possibly a sedative (sedative) agent, in addition may advise reflexology, physiotherapy, etc.;

6) Posture: based on your anatomy, the doctor will recommend the most appropriate posture for the first act. Sometimes the knee-elbow position is recommended to reduce pain;

7) Regarding pain: some girls admit that the pain was moderate and quickly passed. If your girlfriend was having a hard time at a "critical moment", this could be influenced by various factors (low pain threshold, a certain structure of organs, lack of lubrication, too harsh behavior of a partner, etc.). Who said that this would happen to you?

If, nevertheless, your fear will persist for a long time, it makes sense to find a psychotherapist-sexologist with whom you will work through childhood traumatic events that are repressed from memory, but remain deep inside. There are different ways - for example, you may be offered to communicate with your body (which, as we found out, lives its own life and does not listen to the "voice of reason"), talk with your "fears", use light hypnosis, etc. In this case, couples therapy is usually indicated, since success depends not only on you, but also on the behavior and sexual enlightenment of your husband.

I'm sure you can do it and I wish you good luck!
You can always write to me on the forum or in personal mail.

25 Feb 2016

Look - what "losses" for a respectable man are the most terrible! We list for you the “fears” of a man who is not devoid of solidity.

So let's see:

business

So it happens that the business is “covered”. This is what the man is afraid of. It really seems to him that the world will collapse if his business collapses. And therefore - everything is done to ensure that this does not happen - never.

reputation

Everything was fine. And suddenly…. Change! Naturally, they are not good if the word “was” is in the sentence. Losing a reputation means losing yourself (so a respectable man thinks).

taste

If a respectable man loses his taste, he will lose his solidity. And a respectable man without solidity is an ordinary man. Such a loss as solidity, it will be difficult for a man to survive.

Comfort

But how! Anyone who is accustomed to a personal office, a comfortable chair and, let's say, a beloved secretary, cannot wean or refuse it so easily.

Popularity with women

Such "men" are very fond of being in the "permanent" field of view of women. When this is not the case, they are lost, they consider themselves “not like that”….

Money

But they, in general, are afraid of losing everything! And not only men, and not only respectable ones. For a respectable man, it is more about the financial quantity than about the finances themselves.

respect

It's nice, after all, when respect is present along with other surrounding "things" and other surroundings. Loss of respect is a tragedy!

Self control

Even respectable people can become depressed, drink too much or become addicted to drugs. This is what a man, “hidden” under solidity, is afraid of.

Plans for the future

Emptiness…. She disturbs everyone. And even more so for respectable people! It will be bad if they suddenly realize that there is no longer a real goal in their life.

"Not changeability"

Stability and its feeling are more attractive than some sudden changes that he did not expect, about which he did not think and did not know.

Sincerity

People themselves do this so that they stop believing in their sincerity! What creates distrust? Envy, for example! It is often not hidden, because it is impossible to hide it.

credulity

vital sense

No meaning - no hope, no luck. There is only some kind of "hole" that prevents you from continuing to live.

beautiful body

Gyms and proper nutrition help him keep fit if he understands that he needs it.

Numerous mistresses

Mistresses often fill a significant part of the life of such a person (we are still talking about a respectable man).

Freedom of choice

And who is not afraid to lose it? A man is lost if he is deprived of freedom of choice!

luck

"Black Stripes" is simply crazy and out of the usual rhythm. Such men are not accustomed to bad luck and therefore often fight it as best they can.

Idea flow

When thoughts run past or fall into the head of a respectable man at random .... He gets scared! Very scary.

Spouses

Some of the women can not stand such a life and such employment of her husband, but someone gets bored with everything. And a woman can be understood, and a respectable man is very sorry.

recognition

A man is full of admiration when he sees and knows that they will recognize him, that they remember him. He needs to be needed! He wants everyone to "stretch" to his level.

Friends (real and true)

Few, very few such friends have a solid! Because he has more “pure” envious people who are only looking for profit.

Free time

Here everything can collapse in a “chain”, if there is no free time ... .. Loss of interest in work, loss of a spouse, loss of lovers, loss of all pleasures.

Crash plans

And a solid "boss" is very afraid of the collapse of plans and any loss in business. He is afraid of losing his endurance and competitiveness.

What else is a respectable man very afraid of losing?

Girls and women speak out

Antonina Zakharchenko:

Any respectable man is afraid of losing power!

Everyone knows their commander's "patterns". And he is afraid of losing his subordinates. To whom, then, will his tone of command be extended?

Olga Ageevskaya:

Such a person is probably afraid of being left without money, women and sex!

And it’s best to conduct a global survey to find out exactly about everything!

Zinaida Gritsanyuk:

They are not afraid to lose anything, because they have everything in abundance!

❖What is a respectable man afraid of losing? ❖ We list for you the “fears” of a man who is not devoid of solidity. And so, a man is afraid to lose: 1. Business. So it happens that the business is “covered”. This is what a solid man is afraid of. It really seems to him that the world will collapse if his business collapses. And so he does everything to ensure that this never happens. 2. Reputation. Everything was fine. And suddenly…. Change! Naturally, they are not good if the word “was” is in the sentence. Losing a reputation means losing yourself (so a respectable man thinks). 3. Taste. If a respectable man loses his taste, then he will lose his solidity, of course. And a respectable man without solidity is an ordinary man. Such a loss as solidity, it will be difficult for a man to survive. 4. Comfort. But how! Anyone who is accustomed to a personal office, to a comfortable chair and, let's say, to a secretary, cannot wean or refuse it so easily. 5. Popularity with women. Solid men are very fond of being in the “permanent” field of view of women. When this is not the case, they are lost, they consider themselves “not like that”…. 6. Money. But they, in general, are afraid of losing everything! And not only men, and not only respectable ones. For a respectable man, it is more about the financial quantity than about the finances themselves. 7. Respect. It's nice, after all, when respect is present along with other surrounding "things" and other surroundings. Loss of respect is a tragedy just for a man "with solidity"! 8. Self-control. Even respectable people can fall into depression, become an inveterate drunkard, or “get involved” in drug addiction. This is what a man, “hidden” under solidity, is afraid of. 9. Plans for the future. Emptiness…. She disturbs everyone. And even more so for respectable people! It will be bad for men if they suddenly realize that there are no more goals that 10. "Not changeability." Stability and its feeling attracts a solid man more than some sudden changes that he did not expect, about which he did not think and did not know. 11. Sincerity. And people themselves do this so that they stop believing in their sincerity! What creates distrust? Envy, for example! It is often not hidden, because it is impossible to hide it. 12. Credulity. It will be enough to read the previous paragraph carefully. Only attentively, and not "with ghostly". 13. Vital meaning. No meaning - no hope, no luck. There is only some kind of "hole" that prevents you from continuing to live. 14. Beautiful body. Gyms and proper nutrition help a man keep in shape if he understands that he needs it and everything withstands tests. 15. Numerous mistresses. Mistresses often fill a significant part of the life of such a person (we are still talking about a respectable man). 16. Freedom of choice. And who is not afraid to lose it? A man is lost if he loses his free choice! 17. Luck. "Black Stripes" are simply crazy and knock down respectable men from the rhythm of everyone. Such men are not accustomed to bad luck and therefore often fight it as best they can. 18. Idea flow. When thoughts run past or fall into the head of a respectable man at random .... He's getting scared! Very scary. After all, “overlapping” ideological self-esteem significantly underestimates him. 19. Spouses. Some of the women can not stand such a life and such employment of her husband, but someone gets bored with everything. And a woman can be understood, and a respectable man is very sorry. 20. Recognition. A man is full of admiration when he sees and knows that they will recognize him, that they remember him. He needs to be needed! He wants everyone to "stretch" to his level. 21. Friends (true and true). A respectable man has few, very few true friends! Because there are more “pure” envious people among them and those who are looking for at least some benefit. 22. Free time. Here everything can collapse in a “chain”, if there is no free time at all ... .. Loss of interest in work, loss of a spouse, loss of lovers, loss of all pleasures. And a solid man is very afraid of the collapse of plans and any loss in business. A solid man is afraid of losing his endurance and competitiveness.