My experience: is it worth marrying a Frenchman? Marrying a Frenchman: Oksana Gudymenko's personal experience

Marry a Frenchman? For the Russian? Or for a foreigner? Do not hurry.

In my opinion, there is no need to rush in this matter. Whoever it is about. And in general, in my opinion, there are a lot of prejudices in this matter. And when these prejudices also effectively appear before our gaze from TV screens as heartbreaking stories with a certain message and a suggestive conclusion, it seems that you already know everything, main, .

But the fear with which foreign marriages are treated today balances on the verge of another extreme: the desire to marry a foreigner at all costs in order to secure a better future for oneself, or howway to leave the country.

On this topic, by the way, I have one story .

Should you marry a Frenchman? and marry a Russian? A family acquaintance, a 35-year-old Russian woman, having met a man on the corresponding website, after several trips to each other and meetings, married him and left for him, in France. By the way, with my 9-year-old child. Nothing boded trouble, but as soon as the woman received a French passport (and the legal spouse has the right to apply for citizenship after a certain number of years in marriage, and if you live in France, then even faster than if you are married abroad). So, as soon as she got her passport, I found out thatshe filed for divorce, leaving her, who, by the way, was 15-20 years older than she surprised the surrounding public, but not his children from his first marriage, who sensed something was wrong. At first I was internally indignant, then, on reflection, I thought that it could be a mutually beneficial union, so to speak, cooperation. Maybe he is not as much a victim as it might seem, but just as calculating as she is, because when we go to dating sites with foreign women, especially young ones, we kind of understand in advance that calculation and benefit can await us. But can this justify such behavior? Do not know. But the example is indicative. Any side can suffer in love, not only women. But, contrary to the fears of our media, a foreign party may well be a victim of a marriage with a foreigner or a foreigner, if we are talking about such beneficiaries as the woman from my example. After all, it is really legal to leave for permanent residence abroad today is not so easy, especially when it comes todeveloped countries... And marriage seems to be an easy and dust-free way to get the benefits of Europe, including the lifelong right to these benefits - citizenship.

So is it worth it?

But still, is it worth diving into this pool - to marry a Frenchman?There are many opinions about foreigners and foreign marriage scattered on the net. And no wonder. After all, everything related to love is already complicated, confusing and gives rise to many discussions. It is not for nothing that so many television and radio programs are devoted to love stories, each couple has their own. But many make categorical conclusions based on their experience and the experience of the environment. It's like saying: I had an affair with a Capricorn, these are not men - but horror, no more. Or if the same Frenchman, who was used by the Russian young lady from the story above, says (not unreasonably regarding his case) that the Russians are vertiginous and selfish deceivers. Blow into the water, burnt in milk. Too many factors affect relationships; and nationality, zodiac sign, religion or social environment are only torn elements that form the integrity of a person. But in love, we are talking about the relationship of two people: each of which is the bearer of his own system of values ​​(I’m talking about two Russian people, for example), culture, family traditions, upbringing, religious beliefs, school and childhood experiences, character, family stories and relationships, the sign of the zodiac and temperament, oh yes, also the past experience of love relationships, the load of books read, movies watched, and read entries on social networks. In general, in this heap of personality-forming elements -nationality is just a drop in the ocean... But it also creates a whole group of characteristics that determine the compatibility or incompatibility of two people. Therefore, in my opinion, it is stupid to snatch out nationality and blame all the failed stories on it. Take, for example, religion (two people of the same citizenship can profess differently or in different ways) or views on raising children: yes, on this basis, many couples dispersed.The ball is too tangledso that it is so easy to divide the world into right and wrong.

Therefore, first, let's try to understandwhy are they looking for foreigners at all... Let's take a look at the facts for this. And only then we will move on to opinions and stories from life. Here are the facts. The demographic statistics of Russia are as follows (information taken from the Federal State Statistics Service of the Russian Federation, the last available, that is, for November 2016):

With the population of Russia 146 million person, ratiomen and women - 46 to 54... Moreover, if at birth there are 95 women per 100 men, then by the age of 55 there are already 130 women per 100 men,

and by the age of 70 per 100, attention, 240 - women!

Working-age mortality in developed countries it differs slightly by gender, for the worse for men. However, in Russia this difference is much higher - in our country the problem of high male mortality has become especially acute. In the mid-1990s, the mortality rate of men of working age exceeded the mortality rate of women by 4.3 times. In 2015, this figure decreased slightly,mortality among men is 3.5 times highermortality of women, which, nevertheless, is deplorable.

Not only the intensity is indicative here, but alsostructure of causes of deathmen and women. In women, the two main and practically equivalent causes of death are diseases of the circulatory system and neoplasms; external causes of death make a slightly smaller contribution. Diseases of the circulatory system, external causes of death, make the greatest contribution to the mortality of men of working age, while neoplasms and other causes are much smaller. External causes of death include causes such as homicide and suicide, accidents (transport and industrial, drowning, fire, falls from a height), poisoning (including accidental alcohol poisoning), and others.In general, the moral of this fable: in Russia, starting from the age of 40, men die intensivelyleaving women alone.The sadness of this fable is that the main causes of death for men are not cancer or cardiovascular diseases, as in other developed countries, but murder, suicide, alcoholism, drug addiction and accidents.Without delving into reasoning about the reasons, we state the given.Now it is clear why Russian women look at foreigners. and seek to marry a Frenchman or other foreigner.

But demographic statistics are hardly the main reason: after all, under the age of 30, the demographic situation in the sex ratio is not very critical, and nevertheless, foreigners are in the field of view of Russian women. Why?

Let's reason. In my opinion, there are several reasons:

1) What is typical for a Russian man?Forgive me in advance, men of all nationalities and women of all nationalities, but you cannot do without an average temperature in the hospital in this matter. So, a man in Russia, whatever one may say, is brought up with certain values ​​(more precisely, brought up with the aim of instilling these values, about the result later), accepted in society, such as:Strength, authoritarianism, courage, mind, the need to support a family, confidence. This is the goal. V ... Yes, many boys do become men with the values ​​listed above. But not all. After all, a good goal is good, but the means do not always correspond. We all know that in Russia, assault on family members, especially children, by society (and soon, perhaps, de jure) will not be considered something reprehensible, all the more a criminal offense. Physical (not to mention moral) violence against children (which psychologists agree on) first of all forms a distorted frame of reference and future behavior in adulthood. Well, that is: when a parent hits the child, telling him that you cannot fight, or climbs into his desk, diary, room without asking, and at the same time punishes when the child does not respect the parents' personal space or publicly insults or humiliates the child (or wife) -it logically leads to the formation of a cult of strength, that is, he is right, the one who is stronger (richer, who has more power), and mutual respect cannot be formed if it did not exist initially. This does not mean that it always happens that way, but in some, perhaps many, unfortunately. To do this, it is enough to listen to the communication of moms and dads with children in kindergartens, schools or on the playground. Hence, adult men who understand and perceive only strength, hence adult women who believe that a woman's business is beauty, home and children, and a man owes her everything, hence a man raising his hand against his wife and his children, hence the attitude to to my wife and children (since I support, it means that I command) not as equals, but as subordinates. Hence, many, many problems of relationships in Russian families. A marriage built on initially unequal positions (due simply to patriarchy) is largely doomed to at least complications. Well, that is, in many cases, you are the boss, she is the subordinate, no matter how veiled in flowers, earrings, rings, pies and socks. But thissubordination is not always sacrificial, and often deliberate and serves as a huge field for manipulation. Many women are happy in this position, many are inclinedcompensate for inequality with the privileges that the status of the "fairer sex" gives them.For example: women express the position that “what they have earned is their personal, and what a man earns is a family”. But this is, say, the best possible option for a woman.

Behind the games in the weaker sex ismerciless statistics- over 30 percent wage gap and violence against women: in Russia -40 women murdered a day, in most cases the husbands or sexual partners are the killers. About domestic violence in general - silence. I do not mean that a Russian man is a punishment, but what our patriarchy can turn into, and why it is not good for everyone. Our classic patriarchal societyencourages a woman to endure, operating: "the husband is the head, and the wife is the neck", "a woman is worse, weaker and stupider than a man", "you are nothing without a man", "A woman cannot be alone","For a woman, the main thing is children", "Successful women are unhappy", "Either family or work" ...

Difficulties, it seems to me, are not experienced only by those couples in which both partners were lucky enough to be born in a family where mutual respect reigned. And it is necessary, after all, that the newly created couple have chosen precisely from such families, which reduces the likelihood of the event's success. Are there many of them? Do not know. Of course, the situation today is slightly different than 20 years ago. Today manywomen are full of ambition, and many men are creative and even live off women (which is certainly not commendable). Today, many families with more liberal parenting views or spouses are more tolerant towards each other. But in generala traditional patriarchal society remains in Russiawith all the ensuing "pluses" and "minuses".

2) What is characteristic of a European man?Europeans aim at partnership in every sense of the word, with all its pluses and minuses. From the point of view of psychology, it isa kind of healthier scheme: everyone does only what he wants, no one owes anything to anyone in advance. In marriage, rarely does someone sacrifice themselves, their career, their hobbies, etc. When a child appears, the responsibilities of caring for him are a common concern, rarely when a man, during a divorce, may even think about leaving the child without alimony, and more often he will look after the good of the children, often children live “a week with dad” - “a week at mothers ”, and it doesn't matter if the father is married again; A man does not impose a way of life: he does not have the right to indicate how a woman should behave, where to go or not to go, but a woman also has no right to dispose ofmen, as their own and only their own. The responsibility is shared between two -this is a partnership in everything... This, again, is how they see themselves, in fact - who you get to, personal and family differences make themselves felt. Well, if religion also gets mixed up, then it's gone) (I'm kidding, of course, but it's a delicate matter).

In general, one should not expect from courtship and marriage with a European:

Expensive gifts, they do not even have such a thought, it is not accepted. Gifts are rather symbolic and romantic. By the way, this also applies to gifts for birthdays, from friend to friend: this is almost always an insignificant financial waste, and something symbolic. Gifts for the wedding are also not like ours) (so that you understand where the legs grow from). A man does not buy a woman's attention, but achieves in other ways. At the same time, gifts in a marriage may well be expensive and very expensive.

Wait, that he will buy an apartment, a carand all you have to do is give birth to children. A woman who does not work (and here the question is not even about money) is an oddity, any person wants to do something, and if he does not want to, this raises questions. A woman - a housewife today is quite rare in France.

"My salary is mine, his is ours"even for a good anecdote will not pass.

Paying a restaurant bill(it happens in different ways, some - pay in full, some - not). But if they do not pay, this is not greed and not, as it might seem, is the fear of offending a woman. Europeans are very independent, self-sufficient and can be offended at a paid expense.

But in general, married to a European:

comfortable

surprisingly he helps around the house, does some shopping, oris engaged in washing, cleaning.

until you teach him the opposite, whenever you cook - you willpresented with gratitude and admiration.

participation in upbringing, childcarefrom early childhood - a given. Moms are left with dads, there can be no situation when a dad cannot stay with a child. Such manipulations of Russian women will not work.

That is, it is a balance , you may receive less during courtship, butthe level of participation and responsibility in marriage more than pays for the shortage during courtship... Again - usually ..

What a European expects from his chosen one:

You can go out of your way to look your best, but this will not ensure the attention of a European for a long time. The European expects from the chosen onepassion for their work(no matter what), having a hobby,having your own point of view.

A beautiful shell and a dummy inside will not linger in the field of vision of a European man. So it's better to take more timeown education and self-realization.

European will not appreciate vulgar clothes and make-up, again, only if this is not one night's entertainment.

By the way, as for the notorioussymbolic tokensin the form of flowers or restaurants, on this the world, by God, did not converge. Because, this is just a matter of education and culture, and you need to continue to live not with a bouquet, but with a person, all disagreements or differences in habits are easily discussed if the person is adequate, smart and in love. Europeans are partners, which means they are open to dialogue, while it is generally impossible to convince a Russian man that you do not want to cook, but want to work until late. Remember how in the book "How to live with a Frenchman?" the author describes the story of his resentment against the chosen one, and how, as a result, the problem is solved after a frank conversation.Don't expect a foreigner to read your mind, or even more so he will react the way you expect it: unless he is a clairvoyant. You need to talk about everything. But the ability to understand and change for the sake of a loved one -.

Courtship rules are just a mask, behind which the true fruit is hidden. Often a man pulls stars from the sky during courtship, and then in marriage - brings bagels, and does not even remember his birthday. Therefore, I always stand my ground - get to know the person better, live together, discuss all kinds of situations, and only then make a choice, make important decisions and draw conclusions. It doesn't matter whether we are talking about a foreigner or a Russian ...

By the way, one feminist and political activist Isabelle Magkoyeva does not think at all that the topic of paying the bill for dinner in Russia is relevant today.

“My position now is that you shouldn't concentrate on these symbolic moments - whether the man gives his hand and opens the door. Probably we all need

Should you marry a Frenchman (or other foreigner)? In general, now you knowwhat are good and / or bad Europeans(average). And, perhaps, about the reasons pushing the Russians to seek happiness over the hill. I cherish the hope that some of the prejudices have been dispelled, and that if marrying a foreigner still wants unnecessary.

Well: do you still want to marry a Frenchman?) Happiness to everyone.

Many girls want to marry a foreigner, most of whom dream of marrying a Frenchman. It is not known how this is explained. Perhaps the fact that there are legends about France, and the French are considered a nation who understand a lot about love, maybe this is due to the fact that France is beautiful in itself. It is not for nothing that the words "See Paris and die" exist. The Louvre, the Champs Elysees, and numerous boutiques attract girls and women. It is only important to remember one important point, you are going to France not to admire the sights of this, of course, a beautiful country, but to build a relationship with a man. Therefore, first of all, you need to think not about where you will go for a walk, where you will certainly need to take a picture and in which boutique will be a big discount on the latest collection of a fashion designer, but about what awaits you in life together and how best to prepare for it. This is for marriage with a Russian man, girls are ready, and even then, to be honest, not all. But at least you more or less understand what can be expected from our native Russians. If something happens, you can hit the table with your fist and collect your things and go to your mother. You will not have such an opportunity in a foreign country. No, of course, you may knock on the table with your fist, but it is best to remember that the French prefer balanced and intelligent women who are not inclined to throw tantrums.

French people. What are they?

Open, loving, simple and sincere people, in addition, there are many stories that they are the best lovers and wonderful husbands. Many people say that the French are sinning impermanence. Not entirely true. Yes, you will have to get used to the fact that in your presence your husband can flirt with another girl, compliment her. But such is the nature of these people, who value femininity and sophistication in girls above all. And if they see a girl or woman worthy of admiration, then they see no point in hiding it. Therefore, if you are jealous, then it is worth thinking several times when marrying a Frenchman. As for family life, the French value comfort and tranquility in it, and, of course, constancy. Therefore, you can not be afraid that, having paid compliments to 5 girls, by the sixth your husband will be gone forever. And you should be more loyal to showing admiration for other women in your presence. The main thing is that this does not threaten your family happiness. By the way, a lot also depends on you.

For the French, the wealth of their country is very dear, and most of the French are very intelligent and educated people. And they will demand the same from their wife. Consider marrying a Frenchman several times if you only have high school behind you and have never been interested in culture or politics. In their wife, the French want to see not only a good wife, but also a worthy interlocutor, as well as a well-mannered person for whom they will not have to blush in society. By the way, it will be in bad form to interfere with the conversation. Be prepared for your husband to have long conversations with someone, knowing that you don't understand French well and making no effort to engage you in the conversation.

The French are patriots, therefore they prefer everything French: institutions, clothes, food. They even want their wife to be a true Frenchwoman. Ask why, then, are they looking for Slavic wives? The fact is that French women themselves tend to follow fashion. And if fashion and public opinion say that a woman should not be attractive to everyone, then French women can be rude and unfriendly, just to live up to this. In a woman, as mentioned earlier, the French value sophistication and education, and in Slavic women, their ability to be a wife in the full sense of the word: to provide comfort at home and be an obedient and good wife. If you can combine these qualities, then your marriage to a Frenchman is likely to be successful.

By the way, do not assume that your husband will support all your shopping endeavors. The French themselves do not like extra spending and may even seem stingy to someone. They buy a lot of things on sales. Do not think that they all dress in the boutiques of famous fashion designers, as can be seen in French films. To many, the casual clothes of the French may seem sloppy and cheap.

Another important point. The French love naturalness, so you should not expect a subtle aroma from Christian Dior, most likely, a natural scent that will be expected from you will become familiar to you. If you are used to taking a shower twice a day, then you will be a little shocked by the habit of the French to wash themselves twice, or even once, a week. You will have to wean yourself from your habits, use perfume every day and smell like a rose. This will be considered a bad form, and you yourself will be known as a woman who is far from natural naturalness.

By the way, a little about relationships. Despite the fact that the French value modesty in girls, they welcome the initiative in relationships from them. The fact is that the Frenchman himself will not impose his relationship without seeing reciprocity in return. Therefore, if you are really interested in it, then do not be afraid to take the initiative.

You and his family

What should you be to please both your husband and his family? Naturalness and education have already been spoken about. You will also need to learn French as quickly as possible, otherwise it will be very difficult to communicate with others. Not everyone there knows English, and in any case they prefer to speak French. You will have to take a lot of care of yourself and your figure. Plump, scandalous, ill-mannered and noisy women are not held in high esteem by the French. Therefore, if you are overweight, then start working to lose it. And also over their character, trying to get rid of the scandalousness, unfortunately, inherent in many Russian women. Your main trump cards will be hospitality, simplicity, humor, naturalness and a desire to build strong family relationships. Do not think that even a very loving French man will adapt to you. Learn English, if you don't know French, spend money and buy every little thing, follow all your whims. Do not think that he is obliged and will pay for your numerous calls to his homeland. Try to understand that this is a foreign country, where you will have to adapt to all the rules and regulations adopted in it.

Now a little about his family and parents. The chances that his mother will accept you as her own daughter, as is often the case in Russia, are very small, unless, of course, she herself is from Russia. The fact is that she is a pure-blooded Frenchwoman, and you are a stranger, encroaching on her own son. Therefore, ask your husband to help you find a common language with his mother. Only it is best to do this not at the official presentation to the family, but in a more informal setting. Otherwise, you will just stand and smile, especially if you don't know the language well.

Some subtleties about receiving guests and going on a visit also need to be known. If you accept guests and gifts from them, then it is worth unwrapping all the gifts in the presence of guests, admiring them, and thanks for the attention shown. If you are visiting, then be sure to give at least flowers or sweets. Wine is not worth giving, especially of average quality. If the family has children, then be sure to give them some sweets or little things, otherwise you will simply be considered a curmudgeon.

By following these simple rules, you can become a really good wife to a Frenchman and avoid many unpleasant situations. Although, in any case, love will be the key to your successful relationship and happy family life. By loving each other, you can overcome all obstacles. If you are only getting married to leave the country, it will be much more difficult to build relationships.

For, you have to tune in to a fairly long and serious work. It is not worth counting on a happy accident here - it may never happen. But if you plan everything correctly, develop an effective strategy and strictly follow it, everything will definitely work out.

First of all, determine for yourself what exactly you need. Marriage can be both real, based on mutual feelings, and fictitious. In the second case, you will need serious financial resources. In addition, this option is quite risky and everything can collapse at any moment. Therefore, if you are determined to become French, you better focus on a marriage for love or at least some mutual sympathy.

The second point that you have to figure out is where, in fact, to look for a future husband. Fortunately, things are doing quite well here. A fairly large number of men from Western Europe, including from France, are in search of their other half. All that is required of you is to be in their field of vision and convince that you are the most suitable candidate. Here you can act both independently and by contacting one of the many marriage agencies.

If you decide to contact the agency, keep in mind that in this case you will need to shell out a decent amount of money for services and be patient. But in the agency, experienced ones will advise you on the winning line of behavior, advise you on how to dress and comb your hair, help with translations, make a good photo session and organize at least a few with potential ones. At the same time, marriage agencies do not guarantee anything and you can waste your time and money if you are unlucky or not active enough.

If you decide to act on your own, the main things you need are good photos with your happy, smiling face, and a computer with Internet access. On the Internet, you are primarily looking for women with foreigners. Do not grab the first site you see that appears in the search results. Find at least 3-4, walk through them, take a closer look at the profiles of visitors. Choose two or three sites that seem the most serious and attractive to you. Create accounts on them and upload photos. In the profile description, try to tell more about yourself: your interests, hobbies, preferences, your activities, your expectations from your future partner.

After receiving the first responses, choose the characters you like the most and try to start an active correspondence with them. It is the correspondence that will allow you to both get to know a potential partner better and show your human qualities. If you have problems with the French language, find a qualified translator. Mutual understanding is very important from the very first days of acquaintance. Try to make acquaintance at the same time with several promising candidates and until you are not firmly convinced that your future partner has already been found, keep correspondence with all of them. This will allow you to have a wide enough choice and avoid wasting time if any of the relationship goes wrong.

In private messages, I am often asked whether it is worth doing? and How is the relationship between a Russian and a Frenchman developing?

I suggest starting with the latter. And in order not to be unfounded - let's turn for a real example to the French forum, where a French man published his "cry from the heart."

My explanations and a view from a disinterested party are attached.

The pitfalls of Russian-French marriage

(The original text can be viewed -)

Hello,

I am married to a Russian woman (she is 37 years old, I am 52). We got married 2 years ago - after we met, with the help of a marriage agency, on the Internet. Before that, I visited her several times in Russia, and she came to Europe. Our relationship at this stage was just magical! (Both in an intimate and “spiritual” sense). We got married in Russia. After 4 months of marriage, she was able to obtain a “wife” visa and moved to live with me with her fifteen-year-old daughter in Belgium.

Unfortunately, after that, everything deteriorated very sharply. After marriage, she felt “emancipated” and began to try to dictate almost everything in our family. With regard to intimate relationships - it's just "day and night" compared to what it was before marriage.

They often communicate with their daughter in Russian, leaving me without translation (except for rare exceptions).

Out of love for her, I bought a large house (which she really liked) - spacious, with a garden, with huge panoramic windows. I hoped it would make her "less sad." But fundamentally, nothing has changed.

At work, I cannot know what exactly she does at home (she often surfs the Internet) and, given her rather “rich” past experience with men (I repeat that this is a VERY beautiful woman), I absolutely do not trust her. In addition, when we go out to a restaurant or shopping, sometimes she looks at men with SUCH eyes ... (well, you understand me).

Thus, I am completely at a loss and do not understand whether this woman loves me at least a little, or whether the only motive for her marriage was the desire to move to live in Europe ...

Please help me figure it out. I'm confused. I love her, but I doubt it's mutual!

This is followed by 4 pages of comments, let me translate some of them

“You are a troll!

For I don't believe that you could be so naive marry a russian woman, of whom we see hundreds, and they are all looking for a European with high incomes who would pull them out of their poverty and terrible country.

This is an ephemeral happiness that you bought for a short time. Since in most cases, a newly-made beautiful wife first spends all her husband's money, masters French, then divorces and finds real LOVE for herself! "

A comment from a guy whose wife is also Russian:

“Are there any happy Franco-Russian couples?

Personally, I love my wife! And not only "for the sake of bed", but in general (I try to help her in everything around the house, I often give her gifts, I am helpful with her in the evenings ... For example, she watches TV, and I never cease to be caringly interested in "will you drink something ... you want some ice cream ”, etc.). In general, I try to do everything for her. But despite this, I do not feel absolutely any "return" in response. Feeling of hopelessness !!!

So, the typicality of such a scenario for the development of Franco-Russian relations is 90% out of 100! (So ​​before marry a Frenchman- different aspects to be taken into account.)

The scenery, the names of the main characters, the dates and dates are changing ... but a woman who "runs" from her country (not even for the sake of money, as the French are used to "vulgarizing"), but for the opportunity to start life from scratch ... A woman who sincerely believes, that he can fall in love with a man because he treats her well, admires her beauty, does not drink, does not cheat and generally has so many "positive qualities" ... A woman who is sincerely ready to "sacrifice herself" for the sake of a happy "well-fed" future for her already existing children ... Such a woman does not take into account the most important thing - that you quickly get used to good things! Very quickly, in just a couple of months! And here they begin to "climb out" all those small errors to which, inspired by the dream of France, the Russian Woman at the beginning closed her eyes: a big difference in age, French superficiality, scrupulousness in the little things and meticulousness, different life priorities, different ideas about women and male roles ... you can go on for a very long time. I advise you to read my article on this topic, where I dwelt in detail on each of the points.

Further

The second "pitfall" on the way to Franco-Russian happiness is that in France the picture with the choice of a life partner is strikingly different from the Russian one.

Therefore, a Russian woman, for whom at the beginning her future French husband is a "light in the window", getting to France is lost from so much attention in her direction! Lost from a wide selection of "positive" men! And she begins to doubt whether she has made a mistake ... Because there is more beautiful, more interesting, younger, richer ... ready to fight for her heart.

Therefore, the Frenchwoman who wrote unflattering but truthful words to our hero in the comments is right:

“This is an ephemeral happiness that you bought for a short time. Since in most cases, a newly-made beautiful wife first spends all her husband's money, masters French, then divorces and finds real LOVE for herself! "

Of course, it also happens in another way. It happens that a woman is afraid to radically change something in her life, is afraid to "twitch" in a foreign country, so she continues to quietly endure an unloved man and self-complacent with the fact that she lives abroad and many might envy her.

I am convinced that you can initially build a harmonious relationship with a French man! The main thing is not to rush and clearly understand what you need to pay attention to when meeting. And also do not feed yourself with illusions and choose a French (foreign) husband with exactly the same responsibility with which you would approach the choice of a life partner at home.

I hope that my experience will be useful to you and I will try to orientate a little those of you who are interested in the topic of marriage between a Russian and a Frenchman, in his next posts.

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Comments 63 “ Marry a Frenchman VS marry a Russian!”

Marina

March 14, 2013 at 10:18 am

For myself and my friends, the situation is absolutely the opposite. This husband completely forgets to make signs of attention, since the wife is with him, there is no need to fight for her heart anymore. And Russian girls wash floors, prepare set meals, work with their children (after all, many keep their children, or they live with them for a week after a week.
I often read about the fact that people buy houses, give cars, but in my environment everything is in rented apartments, there is only enough money for food and cheap clothes. And during the search for a candidate for husbands on the Internet, I personally did not see those very wealthy, some poor and not shining with beauty, to put it mildly. Men with a decent wallet and with a normal psyche freely find a Frenchwoman, and those who are "not taken" climb on sites. No, I'm not saying that there are only losers on the sites, but believe me that you will hardly find a doctor, lawyer or engineer there, there is a good queue of women for them too.

• Galina

  March 14, 2013 at 10:29 am

  For myself and my friends, the situation is absolutely the opposite. This husband completely forgets to make signs of attention, since the wife is with him, there is no need to fight for her heart anymore.

  Marina, you read my article "What kind of French man is he, or why did I marry a Russian?"
  Read it. I have already indicated all this there (and about signs of attention, and about the lack of romance, etc.)

  And in this article she gave only a specific, real situation of how FRENCHES see marriage with a Russian.

• Natalia

  June 14, 2015 at 8:02 pm

  I agree with you Marina I have been living in France for over 10 years Fans have been and still are But to create a happy and strong family with love and wealth is only a dream By the way, my 5 out of 6 girlfriends developed and all of them were left homeless for the first time Such is the life of C'est la vie !!! GOOD LUCK TO ALL AND LOVE

Marina

March 14, 2013 at 11:13 am

I also met my husband on a dating site. Now I know why he was looking for a bride there. A French woman would not go to a guy who has nothing (with a geopolitical education with a Sorbonne diploma), especially since she would not have given birth to a child. But we have our own story, and it was my choice. It's not about us, I see a lot of good in my husband and I am confident in him.
A friend is also from Fontainebleau, she is a little over 40, but looks fabulous, beautiful and clever. How does she go to sites when her hubby is at home and climbs into her computer? plus I spent almost 5 years on the sites, I have quite a pleasant appearance, a higher education, and only males and beggars wrote to me. They may be good, but they are more vegetables. For the sake of a friend, I signed up for an internal site, that is, communication in the French-speaking space. In 2 hours, the catch proved my previous conclusions: vegetables (I can see by the language, there is a level slightly higher than the garbage can) were active, one more fearful than the other, immediately the call for a phone (yeah, so that later they called at 3 in the morning, I had such a thing), open I wonder if it is possible to take something for free (so that right into the bushes, past the cafe), and of the sea of ​​Arabs and Negroes. I am not writing about the latter, so we are only talking about the French. My friend has no way out, she communicates only with us - Russian women, only 20-30 people. I don’t even know how to help my friend, she walks every other day and every day crying.

• Galina

  March 14, 2013 at 11:38 am

  Marina, you see, a French woman would not marry someone like your husband, but for a Russian woman an intelligent, educated man is already a gift of fate. And property can be acquired together. This is what I meant, that in France it is easier for a Russian girl / woman to find a good man. there are no inadequately high demands of French women, and every second man dreams of a Slavic wife.

  Regarding dating sites - I agree with you, you need to filter very strongly! And yet, half of our women still meet through dating sites. Recently, a friend of mine married a Norwegian, using the same internet method.

  But being in the place, in the country, I would still try to get acquainted in other ways in the place of your friend. In real life. And if she really sets herself this goal, then she is simply doomed to success.

• Marina, 33 years old, Cherepovets

  March 14, 2013 at 8:05 pm

  I would advise all Russian women not to lick any drunkard, as men fight for a dog in Russia, but go online for a husband. Someone has been looking for half a year, while someone has been looking for 5 years, here one should not despair and not set a bar like “the house is there, the appearance is such and such”. An adequate man (foreigner), even without a lot of money, is better than loneliness in the northern latitudes.
  Moreover, husbands are amenable to re-education, they become a little better and cleaner, if there is a strong-minded wife nearby.
  Today I talked with a friend, they have daily concerts at home, my husband controls every step, every call. This is not real, but crime will turn out if an opponent appears on the horizon

• Catherine

  October 19, 2013 at 10:00 am

  Sorry Galina, but this again worries you about Catherine from Lyon, France, who is insanely happy in her relationship with a French man. This time I want to stand up for my dear people - friends who are French. About the norms for men, I do not know anything as well as you. Girls are like girls: they fall in love, their hearts break, they get tired of being alone ... All girls are different. I have been working at H&M Lyon Bellcourt for 5 years, a large team of girls and boys, I am Russian alone. For my very close friends, my rude character by French standards does not interfere at all. We share absolutely everything between us. And I can assure you for sure: there is only one norm - there is no place for sexists next to us. But Galina I assure you that normal Russian, intelligent girls have the same requirements.

Marina

March 14, 2013 at 11:20 am

My husband helped me read the messages on the site, since the speech of the pisuns was such that I didn't even always understand what was being said. My husband explained some words, then I myself saw what they were writing ... I don’t want to offend anyone from those suffering, but this is too low a level of brain development. They even attacked an empty profile without a photo in a flock. I have seen this before, and I am glad that I no longer need to sign up for these sites and read these opuses. Just for the sake of a friend for 2 hours. Although I will say that let her try it herself, who knows, maybe she will find something

madder

March 16, 2013 at 1:00 pm

It seems to me that for a Russian woman, for a start, a house with panoramic windows is important, but then, in the process of life, spiritual closeness with a man is more important. Judging by his statements, for him the material component is the basis in life, and banal jealousy. When a person has lived among the gray human mass, then the possession of beauty is dangerous for him, they will suddenly be taken away. And for a start, at least he studied the native language of his Russian wife, in order to know what she was talking about with the child. I remember Tonino Guero, he learned Russian so that communicate with his Russian wife. When asked how he lives with a Russian, he replied that it is easier with an Italian woman, but difficult with a Russian, but interesting ..

madder

March 16, 2013 at 2:39 pm

My friend is married to a date and speaks Russian with her children, she simply cannot imagine how to caress a child in Finnish or English, they do not even have affectionate words in their language. And it has been proven that a child who speaks Russian is more developed and smarter than a European peer, her children and my other friends living abroad are ahead of their classmates in all respects

I follow the links and I can’t stop. You write very interestingly and discover a lot of new and interesting things for your readers, break myths and reveal the truth. I was especially surprised by the truth about French women. I'll go read it again ...

Of course, I know not by hearsay. True, I will allow myself to envy you a little. You would make an excellent professional journalist, write very interesting. I can never do that.
Have you tried working as a freelancer, writing articles to order?

Sergey

March 20, 2013 at 1:40 pm

And to be honest, I am offended that this is how everything happens with us. I do not want to look for the guilty ones, because. both men and women are to blame. It's just a shame that the French are more desirable than their compatriots. It’s somehow incomprehensible. I will never exchange my dear and beloved wife for any foreign woman and for any money, houses and other benefits. mind can be in golden cages. We, for example, have everything. We only want people to leave us alone (tired of envy and hatred towards us). We are simply, happy. There will be an opportunity to leave Russia, we will definitely leave. We didn’t look at acquaintances or something else, we just found each other, although it didn’t work out right away, but we did it together. I sincerely wish you all to find your own, real, female happiness!

• Galina

  March 20, 2013 at 3:13 pm

  Thank you, Sergey, for sharing your opinion! I don’t think that foreigners are “more desirable” for our girls, just the problem is in statistics - alas, there are not enough good men for everyone. And sadly, but in the same France, men live longer and are in better health.
  For example, I am offended when I see that in France even the most ordinary-looking "ugly girl" will still find a partner, and our clever beauties, real queens remain unclaimed for years ....
  I also wish everyone not only to find their own happiness, but also to skillfully preserve it (and increase it!

• Irina Podgornyak

  March 22, 2013 at 11:30 am

  Let them marry both Caucasians and Asians, what is it to you? Better to let them be lonely at all? We have, indeed, a catastrophic situation and this gap between the number of men and women will be more and more. Nobody solves the problem of female loneliness - neither the state, nor the church. Women are left to their problem and solve it as best they can - men tear each other away, just don't yawn. We have a small town, but we have our own university. So we have blondes of five people in a row walk. They should at least get married once! What can we say about us! I have been on the sites for 5 years to no avail, although also ... beautiful and clever. Started when I was not 42 years old. There is almost no hope.

Irina Podgornyak

March 22, 2013 at 11:43 am

Galina Post author, please tell me if I can find a husband in France, if I am an observant Muslim, I am 47 years old, son 12 years old. Here I am like one of my own among strangers, a stranger among my own. They don’t marry me, because I’m old, but I don’t want others, and they don’t need one, I am “with tricks” for them. Advise me, for 5 years I have been on Metika, Interfrenchip, Fdating. You will not be ashamed of me. Tired. Au plaisire de vous lire.

Nargiz Khinkov Aitbayeva

May 13, 2013 at 12:51 am

I'm here again. I already read the comments of many representatives of the beautiful, thin, delicate sex. (I do not like the word weak!)
I will share my recent experience. And why now I argue differently than a couple of years ago. At the beginning of 200 ... she came to study in Prague at the Academy of Arts. Received from the summer! And everything went better than expected. So I continued my studies from year to year, until I turned 27 ... Then everything went down the ordinate. I really wanted to get married - but there was no one. I mean, men from the CIS were crawling in rows behind me. And I wanted - a person from the EU. And what happened - novels with Czech suitors did not lead to a result, and dissatisfaction with the situation pressed more and more every day, until I met Bolgar. He was not nice to me, there is no need to talk about special feelings. But Bolgar was stubborn and a month later we signed! But it was not there. Not having lived with him for a week, I ran away from home (from his apartment), and settled again in a hostel (hostels in the CIS cannot be compared with EU hostels, they are clean, comfortable, and some are like hotel rooms). And for the first time I felt what it means to be happy! This is not when you are married or with someone, but when you are in equilibrium (balance) with yourself and when - you understand, you are your own mistress, you have your own corner where no one breaks in without asking and you're just not addicted. Today I plan to return to my homeland. But with a certain level of education, with many diplomas and other merit, certificates. And I know - now life begins ;-)

Madame Bovary

May 29, 2013 at 9:49 am

Your soul mate speaks to you in a universal language. These are completely different criteria. If we are talking about the soul. The common language and common culture are not so important here. There are people from your planet, they are close and understandable to you. And what language these people speak .. This is already a secondary matter. Many of my compatriots, who speak with me in my native language and raised on the same land and in the same culture, I do not understand and will never understand. We are different. And I don't just understand my French husband, I can feel him. Do you see what I mean? It's easy and simple for us to communicate. There are, of course, nuances and cultural differences, but all this is corrected over time. Kinship of souls is fundamentally what. If marriage to a Frenchman is seen as a way to solve your financial problems, it will never work. Neither the French, nor the Russians, no one else likes to be used. This is completely normal. Therefore, they can advise women who dream of a happy family life - look for a kindred spirit. And maybe you get lucky.

Madame Bovary

May 30, 2013 at 11:52 am

I really like your tolerance, Galina. I cannot write "objectivity" because it would be philologically incorrect. You try (and you are great at it) to consider any phenomenon from different angles, to take into account all our subjective opinions - as a result, we get a more or less objective view of things) The most difficult thing, and is it possible ?, to make generalizations in such subtle matters as love, marriage, personal preference - we are all different. But it is known that the people we choose are our mirrors, a reflection of our essence, our thoughts. That is, this sacramental phrase “I got this or that or such” - you need to read “I chose ..” and then according to my thoughts and desires) Guys, our life is our responsibility. That's the only way I can explain. Everyone chooses for himself. I sincerely and with all my heart wish everyone happiness and the right choice!

Valentine

September 12, 2013 at 2:27 pm

Hello Galina!
Before, I didn't even pay attention to such articles, even forwarded ... but now ... Here's my situation: 1.5 months ago I met a French man (on the same glorious dating site, he first wrote to me and insisted on meeting me) ... we communicate We are all for 1.5 months very tightly through an electronic translator - I write in Russian, and he already translates there somehow (sometimes the translation is very funny and not entirely correct: only I already understood what was what. We, almost every day We see each other for a long time on Skype, less often he calls, we still correspond by e-mail ... Very soon we will have a meeting on neutral territory (although Tunisia is not entirely neutral territory for the French) ... And everything is fine with us, everything is smooth and according to plan - he I am very pleasant in appearance (open gaze of brown eyes, wide white-toothed smile), and I also adore his cleverness and delicacy (well, as far as all this can be understood within the framework of an electronic translator) ... only there is in this big barrel of honey and that unfortunate fly in the ointment ... I have some doubts about about my chosen one: in the seriousness of his future intentions, or something ... I am 37 (there is a child quite old), and he is 43 and he has never been married ... and having met me, he has repeatedly started talking about family and children ... I want to believe in fact, which I diligently do ... Galina, tell me if there are such individuals in France (so that he is very, very good-looking, and smart (surgeon), and well-mannered, and with a kind open heart ... about his material part so far that I don't know anything) and at the same time lonely ... or do I have a reason to seriously think about it? Thanks to!

Pauline

March 24, 2014 at 11:14 am

Marina-Moscow

April 1, 2015 at 2:07 pm

Galina, hello) accidentally opened your blog and have been reading articles and comments for more than an hour) incredibly interesting and useful) you wrote that you met your husband on a dating site. I would be grateful if you tell me which one? I don't know the language yet, but there is a great desire to learn it - thanks to ZAZ for that)))

Romantic France has become a cherished dream for many Russian girls - they want to fall in love, leave and have a wedding on the banks of the Seine. But this country is pretty pedantic in terms of legislation. Therefore, before heading towards your dream, you need to deal with the bureaucratic subtleties and find out how to legally get married in France.

Conditions and procedure for official marriage in France

Only the local mayor's office has the right to register the union of two lovers. A church wedding or an outdoor ceremony is possible only after the "official program" has been completed.

Visit to the mayor's office and obtain permission

The first step towards a family union with a French citizen for a citizen of another country is a visit to the mayor's office of the city where the wedding ceremony will take place.

In the city administration, you need to take a list of documents that you need to prepare.

In addition, you will have to sign a document that the bride and groom have no obstacles to getting married.

During the visit, the couple also announces the expected date of the ceremony. And the mayor's office, in turn, issues a list of documents that will need to be provided.

It is not always possible to schedule the ceremony on the desired date. For example, the first months of summer are in great demand, and in order for the right day to be free, an application sometimes has to be submitted several months in advance.

List of required documents for marriage with a Frenchman

To formalize the marriage, the bride will need to submit the following documents to the municipality:

• Birth certificate (in French it sounds like acte de naissance). It is recommended to give to the mayor's office not the original, but a duplicate of the document with an apostille affixed to it.
• Certificate of Eligibility for the Wedding Ceremony (certificat de coutume). A foreign woman can receive it directly in France, at the consulate of her country.

If a girl has not previously been in a family relationship, she is issued a certificate that she is single (certificat de celibat). This paper complements the certificat de coutume.

• Those who were previously married must attach to the package of documents a certificate of divorce (jegement de divorce) and a certificate of previous marriage from the registry office where the union was registered (certificat de domicile).

Since the items in the lists of documents in different provinces may differ, you should be aware that in France for marriage, they may also be asked to provide:

• Police clearance certificate (casier judiciaire). Moreover, for citizens of Kazakhstan it is a mandatory document, for citizens of other countries - depending on the municipality.
• Certificate of registration (certificat de domicile). It can be obtained from the house management. The document confirms that a woman in her country lives at such and such an address.

All documents, except for police clearance and registration papers, are apostilled after their translation into French.

Some municipalities accept documents translated only in France. Therefore, this issue must be clarified in advance with the mayor's office.

Before traveling to France for marriage, the girl will need to apply for a bride visa. You can get married on a tourist visa, but French law does not support such marriages. And problems may arise in the future.

You can get an entry permit only after all the documents are transferred to the mayor's office, and that, in turn, gives the go-ahead for marriage - les bans, and then provides a document confirming that there are no obstacles to creating a union - certificat de non-opposition. He is sent to the embassy of the country of which the girl is a citizen.

The final stage after obtaining the bride's visa will be the interview for the lovers. It is necessary for the state to make sure that the marriage is not fictitious.

Ceremony

Weddings in France are usually played in 2 stages:

1. Official ceremony. It runs fairly modestly and quickly. On the day of the wedding, the couple goes to the mayor's office. The ceremony is conducted by the deputy head of the municipality and his assistants. First, the articles from the French family code are read, the rights and obligations of the spouses are indicated. Then, in the presence of witnesses, the young are asked whether their desire to marry is voluntary and mutual. And after the sounded "yes" a solemn speech is made, an entry is made in a special book. Witnesses also put their signatures on the documents.
2. Wedding and festive banquet. This part is optional, and its "scope" depends on the financial capabilities of the newlyweds.

Same-sex marriage is officially allowed in France. And the procedure for entering into an alliance is identical for both heterosexual and homosexual couples.

Prenuptial agreement and other prenuptial agreements

In France, as in many other EU countries, it is customary to conclude a (marriage contract) before marriage.

And this is done not because couples are initially preparing for a divorce, but in order to protect themselves from many possible problems in the future.

Marriage contracts in France can be different:

• Agreement on joint ownership of acquired property. In this case, the spouses dispose of money and other things at their own discretion, but for large transactions or taking out a loan, the signature of both spouses is required. Debts are also considered general. In the event of a divorce, everything that was acquired by the family is divided in half.
• Separate ownership agreement. In this case, each of the spouses owns what is written in his name. This applies to real estate, cars, and other things. In addition, everyone is responsible for their own credit obligations and debts. In the event of a divorce, both parties receive their property.
• A document on participation in the possession of property acquired in marriage. This is not a very popular form of contract. In marriage, everyone manages their own income. But in the event of a divorce, a recalculation takes place. And the spouse whose property is larger must pay compensation to the second family member.
• Agreement on common ownership of property. In this case, not only what is acquired in marriage is considered joint, but also what each spouse had before the wedding. This option is extremely rare.

What to do if your visa is expired

It so happens that after marriage, the bride's visa turns out to be expired. This is due to the fact that the newlyweds did not bother with all the paperwork on time.

In this case, by law, the woman must go to the prefecture.

1. The wife goes to her homeland and there she draws up a wife's visa in order to return to France again.
2. From the prefecture, they are sent to the police station. And there they will already say what documents will need to be collected in order to obtain the right to legally stay on the territory of the country.

How to get French citizenship after marriage

By marrying a Frenchman, a foreign woman can apply for citizenship.

True, to become a subject of the most romantic country, you will have to live at least 4 years in marriage.

You can apply for citizenship only with the consent of your spouse.

The husband will have to collect a certain package of documents, provide information on the availability of housing and work, as well as data on income.

At the time of filing the documents, the girl must have lived continuously in France for at least a year. She will also have to pass a language proficiency test.

The application for citizenship must be applied to a French tribunal. It takes a year to register an application. And another 6 months for the investigation. The state checks the marriage for fictitiousness and how the foreign spouse has assimilated in France.

After that, a decision is made on citizenship or its refusal.

Features of civil marriage

There is no such thing as in French law.

In the case when two people just live together, the state does not define their rights and obligations in any way.

The common law spouses are not legally protected.

But there is another option - to conclude a "joint property agreement" without formalizing the relationship. This contract prescribes clauses that in the future will make it possible to divide the acquired in the event of separation.

In some episodes, the common-law spouses who have entered into such an agreement are, by law, equated with those who officially signed.

Divorce proceedings with a French citizen

Even those couples who were going to live happily ever after sometimes decide to divorce. Therefore, it will be useful to know how this process takes place in France.

How and where to file a divorce

In the event that a divorce occurs by mutual desire, the spouses must first contact a lawyer. He will draw up an agreement to be signed by both parties.

After that, the petition will be forwarded to the Supreme Court. If there is a disagreement about the property, the judge will decide the dispute alone.

If the application is submitted unilaterally, the court will require the provision of grounds for dissolution of the union. In addition, Themis will appoint specific deadlines for the completion of the divorce proceedings.

In most cases, the child remains with the mother upon divorce. And the court obliges the second parent to pay.

What documents are needed

In the event of a divorce, Themis will require the spouses to provide a package of documents, which includes:

• Identity card or;
• A valid residence permit in France;
• Family book;
• If possible, an agreement on the division of property;
• (if it was concluded before the wedding);
• Information about income and available property;
• Documents for children;
• Divorce petition.

What difficulties may arise

One of the most frustrating aspects of divorce in France is the cost of a lawyer. The price for an hour of a lawyer's work in court starts from 200-300 euros.