Fostering respect for adults. Lecture for parents "fostering respect for elders"
Every year it is more and more difficult for parents to find mutual understanding with growing children. And not only with teenagers. Child of four to five
years, too, is often far from a gift. Parents often complain that children absolutely do not obey them, do not respond to comments, ignore requests.
As soon as something goes wrong - screaming, crying, hysterics. And there is no need to talk about respect for parents. It doesn't smell like parental authority. How should you educate your children so that they grow up loving, attentive and caring.
This article will discuss this issue.
Let's start with planting potatoes ... Our long-awaited baby was finally born. The whole family is delighted. The dust is blown away. Fulfills all desires, one has only to frown the kid's eyebrows. The crumb does not know anything about it. Everyone is at the service: not only mom and dad, but grandparents. A baby is growing ... Now he is already six or seven years old. And you can often see the following picture in public transport: a grandmother with a granddaughter entered; grandmother grabbed the handrail, but still throws it from side to side - weak arms and legs; the man gives way. What do you think grandma is doing? She sits down the granddaughter, and she perched next to her, covering him with her feeble body, no matter how someone pushed her beloved child.
I don’t know how anyone, but I hate to look at such a picture. And grandmother is not at all sorry. I see that the boy is completely healthy - he has rollers in his hands. Probably tired of the poor, roller-skating. And when they come home, they will rush to chase the ball on the court. I would like to ask my grandmother: how she thinks, what kind of person her grandson will grow up to be. And not only his family, but also the people around him will suffer from such upbringing. It is unlikely that this boy, having become a grown man, will give way to a woman or an old man, not to mention more substantial help to his neighbor. But I am silent. I understand that such a grandmother cannot be re-educated, only you will run into a scandal.
I hope this article will be read by young parents who want to raise a worthy person who will surround them with love and attention in old age.
And in order for this to happen, you need to remember a simple rule: a child must know what discipline is. From an early age.
I'll tell you a parable. Not literally, maybe something is not entirely accurate, but the meaning will not change from this.
Once young parents asked the sage:
- At what age should you start raising a child?
The sage answered with a question:
- How old is your baby?
“Nine months,” the parents replied.
“You are nine months late,” the sage surprised them.
So the child should know the word "discipline" from the first birthday. If you don't know, then feel.
Do not think that I am urging you to be cruel to the child. Not at all, no.
How to cultivate respect for parents in a child
Discipline does not mean keeping a child in “black mittens”. Your child needs to learn that life is a certain order. And the child will be able to learn this rule only if you personally follow it strictly. You are his idol. You are a role model. After all, children are very observant and literally copy their parents. So, if you yourself are not disciplined, then it is unlikely that you will be able to teach your child to discipline. Improve, develop, do good deeds.
So, the first rule: become an example for your little man to follow in everything.
Observe the animals: how little kittens, puppies, ducklings and other "yata" copy their mothers. It is exactly the same with people. You will be disciplined yourself, and the children will not let you down.
Communication is just as important as discipline. Many believe that the baby does not understand speech, therefore it is useless to talk to him. And they are deeply mistaken. From the very first day, a baby does not understand literally what he is being told, but he deeply feels the emotional mood of the person who speaks to him. Therefore, it is very important to constantly say tender, affectionate words to the little one, sing calm, melodic songs, and touch him more often. In the first days of his life, the baby begins to realize himself and his presence in this world.
As the child grows and develops, communication with the parents becomes more and more important for the child. And if you want a child to consult with you in adolescence, share his experiences and joys, devote as much time as possible to daily communication with him. You will have to patiently answer endless questions at the age of 2-5. We'll have to read books together, watch cartoons, and then share our impressions. We'll have to remember childhood and play with the child the games that he likes. And then teach lessons and so on, and so on.
Some mothers may now be indignant: when to do household chores. Believe me, this is not difficult. If you show imagination and patience, you can communicate with your child and get the job done. You can also attract the baby by entrusting him with some business - and small children are very willing to help their parents - and at the same time communicate. There would be a desire. And there must be a desire if you want the child to respect you.
So the second rule is communication. Communication is always and everywhere: at home, on the road, doing work together, playing, traveling, going to bed.
How to cultivate respect for parents in a child
Remember, by communicating, you are laying the main character traits of your child. And the more love you give him during communication, the more you will receive from him, not only at the moment, but also in the future. Show your love openly. A child should not only feel your love, he should constantly hear that you love him. The more attention and love you surround the child, the more obedient he will be, because it is through your attentiveness and love that the child takes care of himself. And later he will take care of you with love and respect. But in any case, do not think that toys or expensive things can replace communication, justifying the lack of time. Such "parental love" is unlikely to turn into respect for you. Children feel very subtly - this is sincere love, or purchased, and it is impossible to compensate for the true love of parents in anything. Remember this once and for all.
The rest of the rules, which I will write about below, directly follow from those already described. Basis: love, care and respect.
In order for the child to respect you, remember the saying: "As it comes around, it will respond." Never yell at a child.
Try not to scold him if he did something wrong or "was naughty". Children do not yet know how to think about their actions and their consequences, so you must remember that experience and skill come with time. He who does nothing is not mistaken. Children may not be able to assess the possible consequences of their actions for a long time. Be patient, explain what will happen after this or that action.
How to cultivate respect for parents in a child
Reasonable control is also one of the helpers in raising children in respect of their parents. But not the kind of control that one would like to call "under the escort of care." Control your child subtly. It is advisable that he does not notice that you are controlling him. If you have managed to establish a relationship of trust, then you should not have problems with control. The child himself will share with you everything that happens in his life.
Don't rely on school: the main function of a school is to teach. The main function of parents is to educate. No stranger's aunt can influence the personality of the child as much as mom and dad.
Show interest in your child's hobbies. And do not forbid even when you do not like his hobby. Try to delve into his hobby and understand what is so attracted to the child in this. This makes it much easier to achieve rapport and respect with your child. If the child trusts you, there will be a respectful attitude.
And further. Loving your child and trying to cultivate in him a respectful attitude towards you, do not be afraid to refuse. If you have firmly established trust and mutual understanding, if the child knows and feels that you sincerely love him, he will perceive your refusal correctly and with due understanding. He will not respect you less, especially if you substantiate your refusal. But do not be stubborn, give in to the child yourself. This will encourage him to give in to you.
One last thing: respect the child. Let him see you as a friend. Remember that he is, first of all, a person, and only then is your child. Respect your husband and let your husband respect you. As a rule, if family members are happy, if harmony and tranquility reign in the house, it is much easier to cultivate respect for parents in a child.
I wish you success in building trusting relationships with your children, and then the respect and love of the child will delight you all your life.
One of the biggest challenges parents face today is fostering respect in their children. You cannot solve this problem simply by telling your child, "Respect other people, this is important." Words alone are not enough to develop respect in a child. When we respect someone, it means that we value them and are kind to them. When we value our friends, we are nice to them. When we value our neighbors, we do not throw garbage in the yard. While it is sometimes difficult to clearly define what respect is, children should be taught to respect themselves and those around them.
When you were expecting a baby, you were probably very excited. You read books and browsed childcare sites and spent hours discussing which name to choose and which wallpaper to stick in the nursery. When the baby was born, you most likely were so busy caring for him that for a long time it did not occur to you to instill in him such values as respect for others.
Some parents do not attach importance to this until adolescence, when the child goes through a rebellious period. Unfortunately, usually at this age it is too late to teach a child about respect. Before a difficult period in his life comes, make sure that he understands the value and importance of respect for others.
Demonstrate respect
Children learn best by imitating others. From an early age, your child adopts your behavior. If you yourself are respectful of others, your child will learn to do the same. Conversely, if you talk down to others or ignore their opinions, the child will inherit this behavior from you.
While neither parent is perfect, think about what your behavior says about you. Do you like to argue? Are you rude? Are you angry and love to stand your ground? Or maybe you are ready to help others? Do you clean up after yourself? Don't you throw rubbish around? There are many ways to show respect for others in your day-to-day life, so don't avoid thinking about how you look in the eyes of a child, no matter how difficult it may be for you.
Talk to your child about respect.
Explain to your child what it means to respect others. Even in preschool age, a child can understand this. You can start with the simplest things, for example, that respect means not taking other people's toys without asking and sharing yours. Subsequently, you can explain to the child why you need to be polite and kind in relation to others.
When you talk to your child about respect, and not just tell him to be respectful to people, he feels more comfortable, because this way he has the opportunity to ask you questions and find out what respect for others really means.
Show your child examples of respect from life.
Make sure you show your child enough examples of respecting people. Many people think they know how to treat people with respect, but in reality this is not the case. Consider if your children know how to show respect. If not, discuss real life examples with him. You don't have to come up with anything - just tell him about the cases of respect and disrespect that you have encountered during the day. This will help children learn respectful behavior faster.
Although raising a child can sometimes be difficult, it is important not to avoid problems, but to gradually solve them. Respect for others is one of those difficult issues. All parents want the best for their child, so make sure you nurture your child's respect for others from an early age. This will be of great benefit to him in the future.
Many older people have a situation where their adult children show them disrespect and ingratitude. And this is despite the fact that the parents made great efforts and overcame many difficulties so that the son or daughter received everything they needed and grew up as normal people. Therefore, fostering respect for elders, first of all, for one's own parents, plays an important role. This should manifest itself not only externally, but be the personal conviction of each educated person.
Most older people are prone to frequent grumbling and intolerance towards the younger generation. Sometimes it can manifest itself without any reason. Nevertheless, even overly grumpy parents deserve respect and gratitude from children.
Lonely old people, abandoned by their children, suffer not at all because of an unbearable character, but as a result of mistakes made in the upbringing process. It is possible that respect for elders did not receive the necessary development, because they themselves were not an example to follow in this matter. Most likely, the basic rule of education by personal example was completely forgotten. When parents start cursing and shouting at their grandparents right in front of their children, expressing their grievances aloud, it is likely that the same attitude will return to them in old age.
Fostering a respectful attitude towards elders should begin as early as possible, but no later than five years. Until that time, children do not pay attention to the age range of adults, they communicate and play with them as equals. Gradually, the child begins to understand that all people are divided into young, senior and elderly. However, their attitude to any of these categories has not yet been developed, and parents should help in this.
In the process of raising children, you need to be attentive to the issue of your relationship with parents. In spite of everything, you need to control your own behavior, show attention and tolerance. It is desirable that grandparents take an active part in raising grandchildren, thereby laying the foundation for raising respect for the older generation.
Personal example is important. It is necessary to regularly emphasize warm feelings for parents, constantly say warm words to them, and take an interest in the state of health. In due time it will return a hundredfold in the form of the same attitude of their own children. The time spent with the elderly should leave the child with only pleasant memories and a sense of deep respect for them. In addition, children from an early age need to be taught empathy and kindness towards their elders. A personal example is not enough here. Parents should notice any manifestations of a polite attitude, kind feelings and encourage the child for this. For example, you must definitely praise if he gave way to an elderly person on public transport and set as an example to other children.
It is necessary in every possible way to encourage the child's desire to help with the housework and always give him such an opportunity. If some things are still beyond the power, then you need to refuse very tactfully, without offending the baby. Helping parents is a real manifestation of children's care and respect for their elders.
Cultivating kindness and respectful attitude gives very good results with the help of fairy tales. Young children are especially susceptible to the adventures of fairy-tale characters, and their relationships with adults are firmly embedded in their heads. Thus, fostering respect for elders is a long and varied process. To achieve the desired result, it is necessary to show patience, tact and perseverance in this rather difficult issue.
Visiting the program "Maternal Capital" Tatyana Lvovna Shishova, children's teacher, writer, public figure.
S. Bakaleeva:
Hello, this is the Maternity Capital program. The program is about the most precious thing - about family and children. Our guest is Tatiana Lvovna Shishova - a writer, teacher, author of many books, the last of which is "The Trojan Horse in Juvenile Justice", "The Bomb in Sugar Glaze", well, you probably know many of her books yourself. Hello, Tatiana Lvovna
T.L. Shishova:
Hello!
S. Bakaleeva:
Tatyana Lvovna, I invited you to ask this question: is it true that respect for the mother can somehow be brought up in a person, or is it such a thing with which he is born?
T.L. Shishova:
No, of course, it is not born, although such child-maternal love is inherent, of course, in a person. But upbringing, respect - this is a task that has always stood for a variety of peoples and the respect, in many respects, of specific children for a specific mother depends on how they relate to motherhood, to mother in a particular society.
S. Bakaleeva:
Does it really need respect for the mother? Well, that is, we are so used to this, to this phrase, that respecting mom is good, right, but is it really necessary for the person himself, for his development in some way?
T.L. Shishova:
Well, of course, this is necessary, and I would slightly disagree that we are already accustomed to the fact that, so to speak, the mother is respected. Because now more and more often ...
S. Bakaleeva:
We are used to hearing about it, what it should be.
T.L. Shishova:
We hear complaints from parents and mothers that their children do not care about them. On the other hand, such partnerships with a child are called in every possible way.
S. Bakaleeva:
Parents with children?
T.L. Shishova:
Yes, well, so that the mother maintains a partnership with the child, even with the little one. This is even such a theory, a concept exists.
S. Bakaleeva:
And such partnerships do not already imply respectful ones? In your experience, in your practice?
T.L. Shishova:
Well, in adults, of course, partnerships can be respectful, but we are talking about parents and children, and here the relationship is hierarchical. The parent is the main, the child is the subordinate. The parent is responsible for the child, and the child is not responsible for the parents. Therefore, if this hierarchy begins to be violated, and the child very early feels a violation of the hierarchy, because it is in the nature of man, in the nature of the family itself, the structure of the family, even animals have a hierarchy in some flock, in the family, animals also have no partnership between adults. and children, until they grow up, of course not. And therefore, when, especially with young children, or with adolescents, the hierarchy is violated, that is, parents allow children to behave as if they are ... well, equal, for example, the child very quickly tries to get the upper hand, because he intuitively, unconsciously, feels it is like a parental weakness and is trying to take advantage of it.
S. Bakaleeva:
And how it might look, in your practice as a psychologist, such situations, how ...
T.L. Shishova:
Well, they look, first of all, like disobedience, like such a very frequent contradiction, mothers often come and say: “At our house, - well, even with a five-year-old child, I’m not talking about teenagers, we have a constant war. Whatever I say, a five-year-old boy or girl perceives everything with hostility, "- and you have to spend a lot of energy and effort to carry out, well, elementary, so to speak, things, starting from brushing your teeth, dressing, undressing, preparing homework. , of course, if the child goes to school.
S. Bakaleeva:
What do you say to such a mom?
T.L. Shishova:
In addition, this is expressed, of course, in rudeness, and even in rudeness, aggression can be verbal and not only verbal. There are children who beat their mothers, even small children. Therefore, there are a lot of difficulties.
S. Bakaleeva:
That is, such behavior cannot be attributed to a child's prank, if the child raises his hand to mom, grandmother, dad?
T.L. Shishova:
Of course not, and those adults are very mistaken who think that a child can be allowed to do this, he will grow up, understand that it is impossible to behave this way. They plan this model of disrespect for loved ones, for elders very early in the child. And then you can't talk about authority, because authority presupposes respect. And in such families it usually happens when everything is fine, the child is happy, he can be affectionate, he can be agreeable, but as soon as he doesn't like something, this is where outbursts of aggression, rudeness, disobedience and so on and so forth arise. And in this case, of course, one cannot talk about real authority. And the authority of the parents, respect for the parents is a guarantee, in general, well, let's say, in many respects, and the health of the child, because the parent by his parental authority protects the child from many dangers. This is in many ways a guarantee of a child's education, because if you do not respect someone, you do not accept any knowledge from him, only if you want, if you are interested in something, you need something for something. And if this is a little difficult, or at the moment you want something else, you are without respect for this person who is trying to give you something, or to call you to something, you will not listen to him.
S. Bakaleeva:
It turns out that fostering respect for parents is not our parenting, not egocentrism, but on the contrary, is it our parental responsibility?
T.L. Shishova:
Of course, this is a very important duty, because, after all, there is a commandment that God gave: “Honor your father and your mother and you will be long on earth” - this is the only commandment that seems to show some kind of causal relationship and ... well. so roughly speaking, benefit, why do you need to keep this commandment. Others are simply imperative, without explanation, but here this connection is very clear, because, indeed, when children do not respect, do not respect their parents, they do not obey them and they have a much higher risk, well, even for physical life, to get into some kind of alteration , danger, but spiritual life, it's just a violation of the commandment, it's a mortal sin, it's a very terrible thing. And parents, in order to protect children from this danger, especially while children are still in their care, they are obliged to educate respect, of course.
S. Bakaleeva:
But, after all, there is a temptation then, and to ask the child: “Well, why don’t you honor your father and mother, it’s written, and you don’t keep the commandment?” Mom, who, relatively speaking, came to you and complains about the ongoing war at her home, what would you advise? Where to begin?
T.L. Shishova:
Well, you see, of course, parents should behave in such a way that they can be respected, on the one hand. On the other hand, this commandment does not imply any conditions, so I want to dwell on this, this is very important. Because very often, well, those who do not want to observe this commandment in particular, they put forward some arguments, well, not small children, small children, it is clear that ...
S. Bakaleeva:
That is, adult parents are already talking about their parents, right?
T.L. Shishova:
S. Bakaleeva:
T.L. Shishova:
Of course, and there is such a very seductive motive that let him be worthy of respect, then I will respect him. But the Lord gave it to us without any conditions, because ... we do not know why, He did not substantiate this, but, for example, it seems to me that no matter what the mother, no matter what the father, but they gave the child something that is not no one else can give, they gave him life. Life and the possibility of salvation, provided that the child will already live with dignity, as it should be. But no one else, the best, most beautiful person in life, could give this person. And therefore, the fact that somehow people often do not think about it, they forget, or even if somehow tell them about it, they can even brush it off and say: “Well, yes, yes, I understand, but now, I’m they didn't do it, then they offended me and so on, ”- this suggests that our criteria, values and, in principle, life itself have changed very much, it is already largely devalued. Well, this is such a rather large philosophical topic, here we will come to the problem of abortion, because it is very difficult to appreciate life in a society where mothers and fathers themselves take the life of their children, and the state allows it, because such laws are passed. Therefore, so to speak, everything is not so simple here. But, respect for parents, of course, should be uncontested. Although, of course, it is very important that the mother, for example, behaves in such a way that she is worthy of respect. This is important, well, just to make it easier for the child.
S. Bakaleeva:
That is, on the one hand, you need to respect your parents, without any conditions. And on the other hand, thinking about your children, you still try to comply with certain conditions in order to ...
T.L. Shishova:
Of course, because very often people allow themselves some kind of weakness.
S. Bakaleeva:
That is, do not forget that every minute we are a certain image of the mother before the child?
T.L. Shishova:
Of course…
S. Bakaleeva:
No matter how tired we are, wrapped up, irritated, we are always the image of a mother.
T.L. Shishova:
Of course, this must be remembered, one must, well, understand that the mother, well now, since we are talking about the mother, has a very great responsibility. People, especially at a young age, since there is still a lot of egoism, there are still not so many sorrows, experiences, they ... young mothers often think more about themselves, about their experiences than about how the child perceives it. And children, they, again, unconsciously, this does not mean that the child goes about all the time and decides these issues, but they very often decide who is right, who is wrong, good is bad, and therefore, especially a small child, for everything should be very clear, clear and understandable.
S. Bakaleeva:
What in our everyday domestic behavior, ours, I mean us mothers, us fathers, us parents, well, most of all, let's say, influences the formation of this image of a parent? What to look for the most?
T.L. Shishova:
Well, first of all, the behavior must be moral - this is very important. Children also feel false, they also feel a lie. Well, here, for example, mom ... she has some motives there, but she cheats, and the child sees it. For example, yes. Or, suppose a mother starts quarreling with her parents, or says something bad about them, the child hears it. Mom breaks down, yells at her husband, for her at this moment he can be an annoying factor, maybe she has accumulated this irritation already, maybe she no longer even thinks that she loves him, or has stopped loving him altogether, but for a child - this is the father. And therefore, there are a lot of such circumstances that are important to perceive not only from their point of view, because a person is inclined to justify himself, it often seems to him that since I think so, I think so, then this is right. And try to distance a little and look at what is happening through the eyes of a child, how he perceives it and how he will perceive it later, what he will think. Because, of course, over the years, too, he can overestimate and rethink many things.
S. Bakaleeva:
Thank you, Tatyana Lvovna. Our guest was Tatiana Lvovna Shishova, a famous writer and teacher. We talked about how to cultivate respect for the mother. It turns out that, first of all, you need to learn to respect your parents yourself. And secondly, to give an example so that our children can respect us. Goodbye, goodbye!
“When implementing the project, state support funds are used, allocated as a grant in accordance with the order of the President of the Russian Federation No. 11-rp dated January 17, 2014 and on the basis of a competition held by the All-Russian public organization“ Russian Union of Youth ”.
No one will dispute the fact that, of course, we love our children. But is there a place in our relationship with children for such a simple principle as respect?
As a rule, in the ordinary flow of life, we do not really think about whether it is there or not. Such thoughts can only be prompted by an event that has already happened, in which signs of the absence of this very respect .
The dictionaries write that RESPECT- this is the position of one person in relation to another, the recognition of the dignity of the individual. ... Respect prescribes not to harm another person, either physical or moral. And, probably, the most important phrase: “ all people deserve respect. "
An interesting definition, and if we recall our relationship with a child, then with the naked eye it is clear that, just in our own country, respect to the child at all, and even if it does occur, it is very rare.
But, what is interesting, in relation to ourselves, we always demand it!
And we are very offended when we feel that they somehow disrespect us, somehow infringe on our rights.
They seem to write that all people deserve respect. Then it turns out that "children are not people, or what"?
With other adults, we are used to talking politely, smiling, asking permission, reckoning with interests and desires. We respect even other people's children a little more, as we even try to speak more kindly. And with your child, just a little - right on the pope. And more shouts after "No respect for elders at all!"
Probably, for a start, we all need to accept as an axiom the fact that “ A child is a MAN, and even a person. " A person who subtly feels and perceives all emotions, is endowed with tremendous learning abilities, still has a connection with nature and from this acts in accordance with its principles (despite all the attempts of adults), and is trying with all his might to reveal his potential.
And, in the next step, learn accept the nature of a child.
Every child already has grain, which we, as caring gardeners, must water and fertilize. Although it often turns out that even if the child is an "apple" - we still want to grow out of him "pear".
I really like the statement by Janusz Korczak, which explains this point very well: “Don't expect your child to be like you or like you want. Help him become not you, but himself. "
Farther, learning to be attentive to the interests and hobbies of the child. If a child is busy with something, do not distract him, do not interrupt his thought, at this moment he can, makes real discoveries for himself. After all, we do not like it so much when we are distracted from an important business for us.
Let's let's give him a little more freedom and learn to take into account the tastes of the child... For some reason, we ourselves prefer to eat delicious food, and we give children exclusively “healthy” food without salt and sugar. And then, we also wonder why he doesn't eat, but climbs into our plate. The same is with clothes, because a child may already have preferences: he likes some colors, he doesn't want to wear some colors, because he is simply uncomfortable running around in this.
Let's get a little trust your child more, because this is still expressed in mere trifles - to carry a plate of porridge from the stove to the table, to drink from a glass mug on your own and not break it at the same time, to independently climb the hill without support and without shouting: "Oh, you will fall now!"
Well, here I am, a mother, and in my daily life I try to follow these principles, so why, in response to my respect for him, I get a backlash, that is, his complete absence in relation to me.
There is one saying that many parents have a hard time accepting: "Demanding self-respect from children is a type of schizophrenia."
The only thing we can do is it is by his own example to convey to the child the desire to act in this way. By doing our best to behave respectfully towards the child - we do not offend, we do not dump our negative emotions on him, we take into account his desires and interests.
And the second moment, we respect our husband, and we are doing our best to respect our parents and the parents of our husband, as well. This is even, perhaps, one of the most important rules. If mom doesn't respect dad and her parents, where will the child get it from?
Well, of course, we respect ordinary passers-by, people in transport and saleswomen in the store.
We follow our speech, and we show common courtesy with the people around us, which is expressed in such words as "thank you", "good afternoon", "please", we do not enter without knocking, we do not take other people's things and, of course, we show all this in relation to the child too. Such politeness manifests itself in hundreds of elementary things every day and informs the other person that "You are important to me!"
And even after all we have learned to act in this way, we still cannot demand respect from the child, and we should not wait for it. Not a single person has yet learned respect by coercion or by request, so there is no need to urge a child to this.
If we did everything right, the child will not only learn to respect - it will become his characteristic property in relations with people and with us, as well.