How to attract love, or some secrets of positive psychology

14.09.2019

When a person is alone, he feels this dreary solitude. On the one hand, everyone recommends enjoying life, pursuing hobbies and work. On the other hand, a person realizes that he is lonely. There are so many men and women. How to attract love into your life?

First, let's define what it is. Many articles, books and even TV series have been written on the topic of love. But why, in such a large amount of information, it is impossible to meet those couples who really love each other. This is an exception - a couple where a man and a woman love each other. Increasingly, you can find unions where one loves, and the other does not, where both are united by calculation, where both are simply used to being together, but love other people.

There are a large number of unhappy love stories. But there are very few stories of happy love. Even TV shows are created on the basis of unhappy love. The heroes have to make mistakes throughout the series in order to end up together. But do you think, not being able to initially build strong relationships, torturing each other for a long time with betrayals and partings, betrayal and deception, will these people be able to live long and harmoniously after they have played a wedding? Any psychologist will say that I hardly even lived long and harmoniously. And if the marriage existed for a long time, then the prince had mistresses, and Cinderella went about her business, separately from her husband.

All young people place so much hope in her that they are constantly disappointed. Love is not what it is customary to think of it in modern society. Otherwise, people would not be disappointed. It turns out that the ideas that fairy tales, cartoons and TV series put into people are a lie. Everything it says is not love.

Then what is love? This is the commission of specific actions that are aimed at making the life of a loved one happy, and the joy that the partner is happy. You give your loved one what makes him happy, and you are happy for him when he is happy. This is love.

And here it is worth reminding readers that the concept of happiness does not include what pleases you personally, but what pleases your partner. If your partner enjoys playing computer games, then you will show love if you do not interfere with his entertainment. If your partner is happy to be out with girlfriends or friends, then you show love by being happy for him. If your partner spends a lot of time at work, where he gets pleasure and self-realization, then your love will be manifested in the fact that you will not be satisfied with the absence of your husband / wife in the family.

If something makes your partner happy, but you are not, then your love is manifested in the fact that you allow him to do something interesting to him. And even here there is a catch, which may lie in the fact that people sometimes get carried away with something to spite another, and not to their own delight. At first, lovers will hate each other, accumulate resentment, and then begin to look for entertainment for themselves that will offend partners. And here often the favorite things are those that bring not joy, but grief to the partner and easy satisfaction to the person himself.

How to attract love into your life?

To attract love into your life, you must first clearly define the concept of what it is. All people understand love feelings differently. For some, these are emotions and passions. For others - family life and the birth of children. For the third - constant declarations of love and romantic evenings.

Unions don't work out because partners expect different things from love and relationships. Here you need to focus on attracting a partner whose understanding of love is the same as yours, he expects the same from the relationship as you do. For example:

Partners will never be happy, where one wants to meet and do work, and the other dreams of starting a family.
A couple will never find love, where one wants to give birth to a child, and the second is passionate about entertainment and recreation in life.

Two people converge when their ideas about love, relationships, and marriage coincide. Depending on the given views, the relationship will last for one or another period of time. If partners are only concerned with entertainment, then their union will last while they are having fun. As soon as this couple is faced with everyday life and life problems, their relationship will fall apart.

To attract eternal and sincere love into your life, you must have the correct understanding of what it is. Love is an active interest in the life and development of the one whom a person loves. If a person does not take active actions so that the life and development of a partner begin to progress, then there is no love there. If a person says that he loves, but in actions does not show care, attention, support for a loved one / beloved, then there is no love.

The essence of love is labor for the benefit of another. Everyone loves what he is working on and everyone works on what he loves.

Love is not just a strong attraction, but a reasonable choice, determination, action, responsibility. If love were only a feeling, then there would be no reason to promise to love each other forever. The feeling comes and goes. How can you know that it is eternal if your actions do not involve intelligent choices and decisions?

The concept of "giving" in love means being able to give something to another person without feeling that you are being deprived of something.

So what is love? This is not just a feeling, as many people think, but a desire to make the life of another person better, more interesting, more beautiful. A person cares about his beloved, shares with him everything that he himself has, wants his partner to develop and become happier. Love is the intelligent understanding that you want to live and be with a specific person. This is significantly different from the usual understanding of love, where only feelings decide for a person with whom he will build his relationship.

Psychologists can offer many tips on how to attract the love of a man or woman. All people, regardless of gender, yearn for love, understanding, a strong and reliable shoulder by their side. However, this is so difficult to do. It seems that all the best and loving ones have long been dismantled. Only inadequate specimens remained. This is a delusion that should be eliminated because it is the first obstacle to happiness.

In order to attract love of the opposite sex, you need to get rid of the idea that you will come across a bad partner. There are many good people, and even they can remain misunderstood, disliked, abandoned. You probably also think that your ex-partners acted unfairly with you. They underestimated you, did not understand, did not support you, or even used you at all. Exactly the same "negative" individuals could be encountered by another person who is alone only because he has not yet encountered good people.

How to attract love into your life? A lot of advice can be given here:

Love yourself. Here we should also talk about the fact that a person finds peace and happiness before he begins to meet with someone. By loving yourself, you will begin to engage in your self-improvement. And the people around them like those who develop and improve themselves. In the eyes of the opposite sex, you will look attractive, because you are working on your personality, and not shedding tears and blaming everyone for your troubles.
Draw the image of your ideal partner. As they say, in order to get something, you need to be aware of what it should be. There are many of the opposite sex. They are all different. What of all the diversity of the human world do you want to get? What should this person look like? What qualities should you have? What do you pay attention to first of all in order to understand for yourself that this person is right for you? You should clearly imagine the person who will make you a party in a love relationship. This will help you avoid candidates that are not suitable for you.
Change settings. Why did your past relationship break up? Why might another person, in your opinion, not be interested in you as the perfect love partner? Look at yourself from the outside: after contact with you, what is the impression other people have of you? You must consider your attitudes that negatively affect your communication and attitudes towards others. You are unlikely to be attracted to a person who openly declares that he hates you. You won't want to date him, even if you like him. If you also radiate negativity to the opposite sex, then, most likely, this is only repulsive.
Get carried away with something. Many people have a problem where they can meet interesting candidates. A question of this kind arises only when a person does not have hobbies and interesting activities that would be associated with visiting public and public places. It's actually not hard to get to know someone. The problem arises when a person is not interested in anything, sits at home and is a boring person.
Don't compare the past with the possible future. Another mistake many people make is constantly remembering the past. This is called getting stuck. When communicating with new acquaintances, even with potential candidates for your hand and heart, you begin to tell them about your past. Often this can be accompanied by sad stories about how unlucky you were, you were deceived, betrayed, etc. Believe me, such a sad story will alienate anyone. Your potential man / woman doesn't want to hear about your sad past. What is important is what is happening between you now. Forget about your past and put all your energy into creating a promising and exciting future.

Do not seek the ideal if you yourself do not correspond to it. As you draw your ideal in your head, remember that it is a collective image that most likely cannot exist in the real world. Choose a person who is close to the ideal, because he is the best for you.

In attracting the love of a man or woman, you can use the following practices:

Visualization. Be clear about the partner you want to be around. It is necessary to note not only his external data, but also qualities of character, demeanor, lifestyle, etc. This will allow you not only to please yourself, but also to realize where you can find such a person.
Feeling of possession. You have to imagine that you already have the relationship you want.
A message of love. What a person sends to the outside world, the world gives in response. Start thinking and sending love to the world.
Affirmations (positive statements). Say short statements to yourself that will set you up in a positive way. Encourage yourself, set yourself up, prepare to meet love.

Outcome

The result depends entirely on how the person worked on himself. The world is not bad, which does not give love, but the person himself rejects love with his words, thoughts or actions, which often does not notice. You should remove from your arsenal that which repels people from you.

You should also answer yourself the question: do you really want love? Sometimes it happens that a person wants to escape from loneliness, but is not ready for love because of past attachments or grievances against former partners. You should let go of everything and forgive everyone, start living and enjoy life. Then love will be attracted. Until that moment, a person is most likely engaged in an escape from his own loneliness.

It is a pity that life is not like a fairy tale, at the end of which the heroine is guaranteed a meeting with a handsome prince. In reality, neither beauty, nor intelligence, nor good character are yet the guarantee of female happiness: it seems that all of the above is available, but love is not. But we will not fall into melancholy about this, but rather try to find a way out of the impasse. We have plenty of means to attract an ardent feeling into our life: practical advice from modern psychologists, mystical rituals to attract love and the ancient teachings of Feng Shui for fans of oriental wisdom. Before you have time to look around, love knocks at your door.

Just don't say "I'm just unlucky." It doesn't work that way. Everything has its reasons, and so does the fact that your love boat over and over again runs on underwater rocks and goes to the bottom. Do you want to find the mysterious culprit of your troubles? Take a closer look at yourself. Psychologists say: most single girls subconsciously set themselves up for failure, because deep down they are sure that they are unworthy of love. There are many reasons for this.

Psychological trauma received in childhood. For example, parents who were busy with their careers did not indulge their daughter too much with their attention, and she grew up with the conviction that there was nothing to love her for. After all, even mom and dad did not really need the girl.
Complexes about their own appearance or mediocrity. Thighs are narrow, shoulders are broad, there are freckles on the nose, and you still have not been able to win the Nobel Prize in chemistry or become a director of a large company. Nightmare, but what crazy person would like such a horror story and a loser ?! Needless to say, in fact, all claims to themselves are not worth a damn, but the lady cannot be convinced of this.
Previous unsuccessful relationship. If it did not work out to "build love" more than once, not another, not a third, the girl is assured: this is not accidental! Most likely, it is, and it is urgently required to reconsider your relationship with the opposite sex, to identify and eliminate mistakes. But instead of stubbornly digging into themselves, the majority prefer to sob into their pillow in despair, lamenting "what is wrong with me?" or they start running around wizards and psychics, looking for a generic curse on themselves.

You need to love yourself regardless of the circumstances and the presence of boyfriends

Until you yourself learn to love your own “I”, accept and present yourself to the world with the promise: “I am beautiful and deserve the best,” a real feeling will not come into your life. Sagging shoulders, a timid look, lack of a smile - all this does not contribute to love.

Preparation: Making Space for Feelings in Our Heart

There is a strict rule: "If you want something new to enter your life, make room for it." Women tend to keep in their souls memories of previous romances for years, even when coexistence with the “former” was like dancing on a volcano, and parting was worth a few gray hairs. And all the same, you again and again return your thoughts to the past, either experiencing happy moments, or choking with resentment - what a scoundrel your beloved turned out to be! Both are equally harmful. Until you let this man out of your life, the romance still lasts, and you subconsciously remain closed from a new feeling.

Old but sure way. Collect all the evidence of an ended relationship: dried flowers, postcards, movie tickets, a forgotten boyfriend T-shirt and other little things dear to your heart, take it to a vacant lot, away from houses and cars, and burn it without any regret. In this case, in no case pretend to be a victim! Smile, whistle, you can even jump around the fire shouting: "Burn, burn clearly, so that it doesn't go out!" Show fate that you willingly and joyfully let go of the past, and it will open the doors to the future for you.
They say that after parting with Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman exclaimed, hinting at the modest growth of her ex-husband: "What a blessing, now I can wear high-heeled shoes again!" Remember, you probably had some desires that your young man did not approve of. It's time to do what you have put off for so long out of unwillingness to go into conflict. Whether it will be buying a provocative red lipstick, driving a motorcycle or dancing with friends at the Ivan-Kupala holiday is not the point. The main thing is that you decided to fulfill your desire precisely because you were able to free yourself from oppressive relationships.
Talk to your ex. But only mentally! Thank you for all the good things he gave you. Explain why you cannot be together. This is a very important point: the more compelling arguments you choose, the more effective the “separation” will be, because in fact you will be speaking your monologue not to a man, but to yourself. After you've said whatever you see fit, say goodbye to your imaginary listener and never return to this conversation again. Close the door and turn to the next one, already ready to open.

Methods for attracting a man into your life

Act like you already have love

Now, free and easy, set out in search of a new feeling, using all the possibilities, real and magical, for this.

How to attract through psychological techniques

Have you noticed how a girl in love changes? She literally flutters on her wings, shines and sparkles with happiness. As the secretary Verochka from "Office Romance" said, men do not let such a woman through. And not only them! Happiness will not pass by either. Dream about future love, more often imagine that you already have it. Try to feel in advance the sensations that will come with a new hobby. The more carefree and happier you can become, the higher the chances of your dream becoming a reality.
Is your girlfriend just now having a passionate romance? Take the most active part in it: listen to her enthusiastic stories, help come up with surprises for your loved one, calm down in moments of rare quarrels. Fueled by the energy of someone else's feelings, you are more likely to open up to yours. But it is very important to do all this "with clean hands", without secret envious thoughts, otherwise the idea will fail. Fate will not reward the spiteful critic with a meeting with the prince!
Do good deeds. Even if the old woman transferred across the road does not introduce you to her son-oligarch, a good deed in itself increases self-esteem, allows you to straighten your shoulders and look at the world more positively. And this is how you need it now!
Imagine in detail the image of the man you are waiting for. This is not about the shape of the eyes and the color of the hair, but about the qualities that your future chosen one should have. What are you looking for in men? What disadvantages are you willing to accept? With which you will not be able to put up with? Do this beneficial exercise twice a day, like brushing your teeth. By visualizing dreams, you will, first, have a better understanding of your needs. And secondly, remove the block of uncertainty called "impossible, this will never happen."
Take care of yourself. Necessarily! You can't seriously wait for a handsome prince, walking around with a dirty head or a bitten manicure. The subconscious mind cannot be fooled, it perfectly understands that by doing this you simply sign an act of surrender, surrendering to the mercy of loneliness. Therefore, it does not matter whether a scarlet sail flutters on the horizon or overlying clouds hang - you must be well-groomed, elegantly dressed and satisfied with your appearance, regardless of the state of affairs on the personal front.

Feng Shui tips and symbols

According to feng shui, figurines of mandarin ducks and cranes bring love

The Eastern teaching on the correct organization of living space in the name of finding harmony, of course, could not ignore such an important aspect of human relations as love. In order for the spring passion to quickly descend upon you from the front door, Feng Shui advises:

Get rid of the trash. In the same way that you cleaned your subconscious of negative memories, clean out the house of unnecessary junk. Perhaps the old skis on the balcony and a battered floor lamp with one light bulb take a place in your house that could belong to a man ?! Free up space. And at the same time, empty a couple of shelves in the closet as if you already know for sure that there will soon be things of your beloved.
Change colors. If you are a lover of pink ruffles and bows, immediately change your image. Add calm and slightly harsh masculine colors to the interior - black, gray, blue, green, white. But don't overdo it, so as not to create an overly cold environment in which the fervent feeling will quickly freeze and deflate. Everything should be in moderation.
If possible, replace your bed with a double bed. On this and sleep? Then make sure she always has two pillows and buy new romantic bedding. Here is the pink color and hearts are not forbidden.

How to attract with material things

Remove from a prominent place the photos in which you are alone and hang pictures of happy couples on the walls. These can be reproductions of classical paintings, and unpretentious popular prints, and statuettes stylized as African sculptures. The details are determined only by your taste.
Place in the south-western part of the apartment a crystal bowl with clean, preferably spring water and a scattering of beautiful pebbles at the bottom. Put a couple of gold rings here; let two candles float on the surface. Light candles every evening and admire the lights for a while, drawing in your imagination pictures of a date with your beloved man. Needless to say, the water in the bowl should always remain fresh - change it on time.
Get paired pieces of furniture. Vases, photo frames and figurines from one set and other symbols will create the necessary energy and diligently pull a man into your house so that the hostess does not languish alone. A particularly effective talisman is considered to be two red candles in paired candlesticks.

Get jewelry with stones that attract love. Rose quartz and tourmaline, ruby, sapphire, topaz or amber will help to attract it.

Using magic: stones, flowers, pictures and more

Send your requests to the sky on a soap bubble

If you want a man to come to the house - buy him slippers. In all seriousness! A pair of solid men's house slippers, in which your loved one will be so pleased to relax after a hard day. We give the new clothes three days to stand in the corridor and get used to it, and on the fourth day, exactly at midnight, we put them on our hands and open the front door (after making sure that the late neighbor does not smoke on the landing). We get down on all fours, clap our hands three times with our hands in slippers with the exclamation "Condo, appear!" and "cross" the threshold of the apartment. It is done. We put the shoes against the wall and wait for their future owner to follow the slippers. They say magic works quickly.
On a full moon, sit by an open window with a cup of soapy water and a straw in your hands. Wait a few minutes to tune in to the desired wave, listen to the noisy noises, meditate. Then slowly blow out a large soap bubble and for a few seconds, until the fragile ball flies in the wind, imagine inside it the image of a happy couple - you and your future lover - as accurately as you can. As soon as the first bubble breaks off the straw, start conjuring over the next. The more "messages" you send to the moon, the more likely your wish will come true.
Full moon night is the best time for magical rituals. If you find yourself overnight in the village or at the dacha, do not miss the opportunity to pick three, seven and nine different flowers in a moonlit meadow. Dry them, fold them into a small blue cloth bag and carry them with you, ideally on your body. The subtle scent of flowers acting on a mystical level will attract love into your life.

Video: three techniques for attracting love feelings

How to attract love to yourself in the year of the Monkey

In China, from where the idea came to us to appoint one of the 12 animals responsible for all our successes and failures in the year, there is an ancient tradition. On New Year's Eve, a girl should go to a river or lake and throw a ripe orange into the water, having previously whispered her cherished wishes to him. They say that everything conceived comes true, especially requests for love. It is only better to save this ritual for the New Year according to the Eastern calendar - February 8, because the Chinese women will carry their requests to the Monkey on this very night. What if the Fire Animal has a strict appointment hours? And do not forget to put a red scarf over your head and tie a golden ribbon on one of the buttons of your jacket before leaving the house. You need to attract the attention of the windy Monkey, and for this, all means are good.

You never know where love will find you. An uninvited feeling can come to everyone and at any moment! But if your Cupid is delayed on the way, do not wait, go out to meet him. Maybe a mischievous boy with a bow and arrow is already around?

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Without love, romantic and intimate relationships, a person cannot imagine his life. This is understandable. After all, we are socio-biological creatures. In us, nature is inherent in the desire to unite with another person to satisfy the need for love. This is one of the basic needs of any age. Indeed, there is such a concept in psychology as the need for love. And I do not envy those who are not satisfied with it. Therefore, I will be happy to provide the tools for attracting love into your life.

I must say right away that you will not find detailed steps and mantras (prayers, spells), recipes for a unicorn blood potion in this article. Instead, I suggest that you figure out what you need to develop in yourself in order to become attractive and find a loving relationship. Analyze the possible causes of failure, determine the importance of communication and find out the basic rules of interaction with men and women.

What is love

I want to make a reservation right away what I mean by love in my article. For this I will use a quote from Mikhail Efimovich Litvak (Russian psychotherapist of our time). "Love is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love." That is, it is not “I cannot live without you”, but “I want to share my life with you and develop together”.

Thus, to attract love, you must be a self-sufficient person - financially, spiritually independent and healthy:

health refers to physical and mental well-being;
financial independence - any permanent income;
under spiritual formation - constant self-development and mastery of the basics of love art (more on that later).

Complexes and other reasons for failure

Why is there no love in your life? What's stopping you from finding her? This is where you should start. Are you shy, uncommunicative? Not confident or too scared of a bad experience? Are you afraid to meet? Or are you getting to know each other, but the relationship does not work out? Do you dislike or dislike you? This is the first block of questions that you must ask yourself and find the answer to each.
The second block - what are you looking for love for? Are you running away from something or are you striving for it? That is, you want to share your inner light or suck someone out. The second approach is obviously a losing one. Only the first option is needed to attract true love. Otherwise, you are looking for salvation, and this is a completely different topic.

You need to start by identifying the main stumbling block. Therefore, without knowing you personally, no one will say exactly what you need to do. But you can single out a set of basic foundations and recommendations for attracting love into your life.

"The problem of 'unloving' quite often turns into a problem of one's own unloving," - American psychiatrist, Irwin Yalom.

These or those complexes are often the main reason for failure in love. It is possible to distinguish purely male, female and general complexes.

Men's complexes

Don Juan complex. Based on sports interest. It may be based on a consumerist and disrespectful attitude towards women, intimophobia (inability to establish contacts), self-affirmation (filling one's own price) due to victories in the field of love.
Don Quixote complex. The opposite of the first. A man idealizes a woman so much, comes up with a specific unreal image that he spends his whole life in search.

Women's complexes

Alice in Wonderland (the same as the Don Quixote complex for men);
Cinderella (waiting for a handsome prince);
closing doors (attempts to jump into any carriage to avoid old age or loneliness).

Common complexes

The Tristan and Isolde complex, or the feeling of eroticism and guilt.
Racial and demographic complex.
Physiological complex (rejection of one's body against the background of imposed stereotypes and norms).
Inferiority complex.

Variants of the manifestation of an inferiority complex:

self-doubt;
arrogance, a pronounced sense of superiority, a desire to dominate;
striving for high positions and material wealth, careerism as a means of achieving superiority over others;
opposing one's non-standardness to other people, withdrawing into oneself or a group of the same notorious people;
exaggerated demonstration of their weakness, flight into illness.

These are just the basic complexes, in fact, there are many more of them and they can take any form. For example, the inability to say "I love you", the inability to make a toast. Psychologists note that any person has complexes. And each individual pays attention only to his own complex. That is, we harm ourselves.

How to get rid of the complex

Getting rid of the complex involves two stages:

acceptance of your complex (mention of it, that is, the end of concealment);
exchange (replacing the fear that underlies the complex with something else).

At the heart of any complex is fear. It is ideal to replace fear with the opposite goal and make a plan to achieve it. That is, if you are afraid to get to know each other, then set, for example, a goal to approach each person you like with the phrase that first came to mind and look at the reaction.

Set realistic goals. Sometimes people spoil their own lives, making up an unreal image of the desired partner. Remember, there are no perfect people. Look for not only advantages, but also disadvantages with which you think you can get along.
Find out what is stopping you. Old unsuccessful love often hinders new relationships. Even if it seems to you that everything is in the past, it is possible that the subconscious mind continues to give out echoes and resentments, distrust.
Learn to trust, empathize, communicate.
Do not rate someone in absentia (by stories, rumors, or your perceptions). Accept the person for who they are. And don't think that you will change it. Take the finished product.
Get out into the light. Go to places where your ideal can be found. I think it’s not worth explaining that the way and place of leisure say a lot about a person, if not all. Different categories of people go to nightclubs, theaters, museums, exhibitions, outdoor activities, concerts. Who do you need?
Redefine your image (it's not just about your appearance). It is possible that you scare people away with an overly defiant appearance and behavior, or, on the contrary, they simply do not notice you.
Expand your circle of acquaintances and interests. You will definitely not find a new person in your house. There is only you. Of course, nobody canceled the internet. But then try to get on a real date as soon as possible. Remember that on the Internet you see a person the way he wants to be seen.
Make an individual plan for self-actualization (courses, trainings, books, leisure time).
Develop in yourself the skills, qualities and skills that are most important for love: care, responsibility, respect, knowledge (like the ability to penetrate into the inner world of other people, to have oneself, the ability to be open and sometimes forget about your desires).
Have an inner core, don't let anyone "bend" you, but don't "bend" yourself either.
Be able to.
Take care of your health, value your life, freedom and individuality.
Study yourself, correct weaknesses and unwanted traits, develop abilities, improve professional skills.
Avoid. The egoist is blindly mired in his own desires. He does not know and does not love himself. Our goal is to love, adequately evaluate and respect, accept all our selves.
Live productively, create.
The battle for leadership in relationships is a lost game. Relationships should be more like fun play and collaboration. It is important to get pleasure.
Pay attention to people with similar interests and related (but not the same) professions. For example, a videographer goes well with a photographer. Relationships like this serve as an ideal platform for communication, friendship, love and creating a joint business. That is, there is a chance to attract the most prosperous love, to create something new together.
Remember that everyone has the right to keep a little inner secret.
Don't look for love based on sex. A common mistake: thinking that the night with someone has tied you in love. Sex is the lowest animal need. Of course, a full-fledged relationship is impossible without him, but for love, only this is not enough.
Change your thinking. Do not think that no one loves you or you do not love anyone, but think that until you meet an equally worthy person, this will surely happen soon.
Do not focus on the search for love a la “do you want to become my soul mate? No? Maybe then you? " But be clear about the relationship you want on a regular basis. Visualization always works.
Before going to bed, at the moment of maximum relaxation, say “I am worthy of love. I am the love. I can give and receive. "
But don't go to extremes. Live in the present.
Don't be discouraged if your time has not come yet. Always radiate confidence and inner light. No one will pay attention to the dull shadow, unless out of regret. But we do not need such a base of relations.

Love yourself

(adequate) - the basis of love for others. The same applies to health, income and development. Since we are talking about love in the context of “dividing the whole”, and not “finding your complement”, then we can say that you are offering yourself (completely and completely). But is it possible to offer your loved one something substandard?

Healthy self-love is based on:

adequate self-esteem;
reflections;
pride in real achievements;
feeling like a wonderful companion, friend, employee.

And again there is only one answer - develop. What do you dislike about yourself? Correct! What you cannot change - accept. Until you love yourself.

“The more confidence with which a person is able to accept himself, the more certain his self-image, the more confident and effective he will express and offer his love, without experiencing an excessive fear of being rejected and humiliated,” wrote the American psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut.

So, dear readers, ask yourself a question: do you know how to love? If so, then you can set a goal to attract love. If not, then you have to work on yourself first. Know yourself, learn to communicate and share emotions and feelings. If you need another person for self-affirmation, then it is understandable that you will be avoided. Nobody wants to be the "ugly duckling" of the second plan.

Stop looking

Stop looking outside and start looking inside. This is a continuation of the previous point. Stop concentrating on the very idea of looking for love, turn your attention to self-development and becoming yourself - first of all, as an interesting interlocutor, a meaningful person.

“To love means to become yourself, doing something for others” - K. Whitaker. Are you ready for this?

- the basis of acquaintance. Any interaction begins with communication. But it is important to know not only and have a developed speech, but also to take into account the psychology of sex. Communication, gestures and facial expressions are the first things a person pays attention to:

firstly, it is a reflection of the whole essence of the personality on the contrary;
secondly, female and male perceptual psychology is indeed different.

Remember the situation from the TV series "Friends" about the kiss? For men, the conversation consisted of several phrases: "Kissed?", "Kissed", "Well done." In the women's company, friends began to ask how it was, who initiated it, how long, and so on. And the heroine was happy to answer all the questions. This is the perfect demonstration of the way men and women communicate.

It is important to understand that the recommendations below are general in nature. Many of these facts depend not so much on gender as on personality traits. So, carefully monitor the reactions of the interlocutor and, if necessary, make adjustments according to the situation. So, for example, regardless of gender, people differ in perception. I perceive it visually better, although they say that women absorb information better by ear.

General rules for interaction at the first meeting

I always want to interact with a neat person. If the concept of beauty is subjective, then self-care is objective: wash and style your hair, take care of your skin, wash clothes, brush your teeth, and so on.
"Iron" your partner (for business and in absentia). Each person likes praise (for a deed, for trying, for striving, for thoughts).
Master non-verbal communication and demonstrate respect, interest, empathy with your whole body.
Do not impose yourself and your opinion, but always respect yourself and stick to your own beliefs.
You can adapt to your partner from the point of view of emotions, but not in matters of worldview.

Rules for communication and interaction with a man

Men want to see the purpose and result of any interaction. That is why the question "So what do you want?" sounds so often, and is perceived as rude by women. Do not take such a wording with hostility, but rather honestly state your goals right away. Imagine how much time and effort would have been saved if people hadn't been pacing around the bush.
Follow the thread of the conversation. Don't jump from one to the other. Have started talking about a hobby - keep talking until the conversation is over. If we compare the head of a man with a warehouse, then everything is neatly laid out in the signed boxes. Women can "rummage" in several at once, but men are arranged differently. Only after taking material from one box and closing it can they move to another.
Distinguish between communication and any other activity. If a partner is found at work, then make an appointment and talk about everything there. Due to psychological characteristics, men do not like to be spoken by hand or against the background of a turned on TV (in a movie theater). Naturally, this will be annoying. And there it is not far to the supposedly rude phrases and new grievances.
Men are characterized by strong categorical statements. Do not be offended by unemotionality or wait for a fictional romantic. By the way, romanticism in no way contradicts decisiveness and laconicism.
Do not try to suppress the man during the conversation.
Of course, you can express the opposite opinion. But it is important not to interrupt, but to voice the opposite position after the man has finished speaking.
Support the statement with arguments, not meaningless emotions, "wishlist" and the like. Start with a position statement and then argue.
Remember that men tend to ask fewer questions, are less emotional, less sociable (their need is lower), they are more inclined to interrupt, they like to make the final decision.
Accordingly, men do not like meaningless chatter (for this you have girlfriends), a lot of questions, an excess of communication.
Men tend to dispute opinions, express their position on any issue. I think this skill will be useful for a woman as well. The main thing is to conduct a constructive and interesting, intelligent discussion based on mutual respect, and not argue with foaming at the mouth. Men like it when an interesting and sensible woman is next to them. But at the same time, they always want to be a little smarter (so ladies, you need to know where to correctly retreat in order to win).
The answer "not bad" from a man about a woman's outfit means "very good." No need to throw tantrums and leave right there. By virtue of psychology, men are not prone to extreme value judgments. Their assessment always has an average, restrained value.
Emotional conversations (especially at night) tire a man.
Men don't like to discuss their failures and difficulties at work. In some situations, they can ignore a woman. This is fine. If you hear the phrase “I'm tired”, “I need to solve a number of issues,” then you need to give the man this time.
Men do not like persistent calls and excessive initiative of ladies.
When calling a man on some issue, you should immediately indicate the real period of time that it will take. This will make it easier for the man to tune in to the conversation. Don't call over trifles ("I'm bored", "I'm sad"). It's always best to send one message: “I miss you. Please call when it is convenient for you to talk ”).
By virtue of psychology and thinking, men do not perceive any disagreements as a quarrel (echoes of a business relationship). It is from this that "I am actually offended" and a sincere misunderstanding of the man. Explain then at least what you regarded as a quarrel.
My favorite female "Why are you silent." Men are focused on results and specifics (always!). He is not silent, he analyzes the whole situation as a whole in order to make one result (decision), and not rant.
The male auditory analyzer detects intonation (voice pitch) much worse. This is a continuation of the theme of grudges.
Men are better at reading written text than spoken.
Men do not understand the implications and tend to take everything literally. Conclusion: do not scatter words and the phrase "could have guessed." Could not!
Men follow content, not intonation or form. Therefore, you should not focus on "in what tone did you say this?"
The increased emotionality of a woman includes the mechanism of irony on the part of a man. He, alas, cannot take you seriously. "Are you also laughing ?!" Shouts an angry woman. But he really finds it funny. And the second side of the coin is the skeptical perception of what was said. So always speak in a calm tone, especially when discussing important or controversial issues.
No "I told you", "it would be better if I did it myself." Do it then. Otherwise, keep silent or say something like “oh, thank you, my superman, if you still ..., it would be perfect”, “you’re so rugged with me, if only ... then in general the prices would not be for you It was".
Subconsciously, men are irritated by a whiny and plaintive tone. Avoid it.
During the conversation, show attention (this is important for a man): nod, assent, slightly lean your body forward, look into your eyes.
Allow time to switch from mind to feeling (this tends to be closely related to the environment).
Do not act as a mother, do not limit the freedom and independence of a man.
Speak slowly. Try to avoid complex sentences.
Leave him personal space and time. Do not bother with the questions "What are you thinking about?", "What are you doing?" Better to sometimes ask the question “Do you want to talk about work / family / friends? (remember the specifics) ".
Don't criticize your previous partners or compare the man to them. Two mistakes at once (this is how he perceives it): the same criticism awaits him, he is put in a position of competition, he is chosen as a commodity.

Something like this looks like a woman who "can't stand the brain." Everything is really simple. You can become it.

Rules for communicating with a woman

German psychoanalyst, sociologist and psychologist Erich Fromm wrote: "The ability to be alone is a condition of the ability to love." I cannot disagree. You can't run away from yourself into a relationship. You need to be a self-sufficient person, and then the same accomplished person will come into your life, with whom you can spend time interestingly and productively, multiply your dignity and achievements.

When you become as self-sufficient as possible, interesting, attractive (externally and internally), you cannot be overlooked. Then there will be many candidates (candidates) for your heart.
Your task is to clearly understand who you need in order to increase your skills. Assess the person in the present and their potential for the future. Do not consider it rude, but the exchange between partners must be equal, otherwise it is prostitution. So evaluate yourself. Become whoever you want to be around.
Love is the highest human moral feeling and art. She does not come to those who are not worthy of her, that is, she does not know how to love and respect (herself and others), care, communicate, understand, give, improve herself and contribute to the development of other people.

Related Literature

Finally, I recommend you a book, with which your acquaintance and work on building relationships with yourself, and, accordingly, ways to attract love into your life can begin. This is about Glenn Wilson's work “Your Personality. Find out the reasons for your successes and failures. " With the help of the work of a famous English psychologist, you can study your temperament, style in love and communication, charisma, needs, imagination, value system, sexual intelligence and much more. The result of a comprehensive diagnosis will be an excellent basis for assessing failure in love and a plan to attract it.

The girl sincerely tries to create strong and reliable personal relationships, and all efforts are destroyed in the bud. She wants to fall in love and meet her one and only, but it doesn't work. If a girl has pure desires, then a conspiracy to attract love will help her. This is not a love spell, not black magic and not evil. A conspiracy is able to attract male attention when it is not enough, and find its only one among men. The betrothed. The one whom God has chosen to be your husband. This conspiracy will open up the girl's potential as a woman, help enhance her attractiveness. Reading a conspiracy to attract love will fully reveal the energetic feminine magnetism.

Then the girl's energy will attract male attention, attraction and attraction. The execution of conspiracies to attract love can speed up a meeting with your soul mate.

Attracting male attention

You should start looking for love with reading conspiracies to attract men. If they pay attention to us, then we will try to choose a worthy one. Reading conspiracies to attract love requires complete loneliness. The best time is closer to midnight. Because - a conspiracy at midnight is more effective than at other times of the day.

Sit back and relax. You are wearing home clothes, which can be light, comfortable, and do not hinder your movements. Try to breathe evenly, and then close your eyes. Get all extraneous thoughts out of your head, meditation helps in such cases.

Imagine the meaning of the spoken words of the conspiracy:

“My happiness drowned in the river. The river turned back - now it flows to me, my love and happiness will certainly lead to me.
My joy has lost its way. As soon as dawn came, the red sun came out, my joy stretched out into the light, goes, hurries towards me.
Every living creature helps my happiness, joys, they show the way to me. Night haze. Bringing sadness - disappeared, dissolved, there is no more return to it.
I go out on the porch - meet my love and happiness and take to my home.
All the elements help me - they shelter me from troubles, protect me. Love and my happiness are protected. They help me to be happy. "

Talismans and conspiracies that can attract male love

When you can't find true love in any way, then reading a conspiracy to attract love can make a difference for the better.

Wait for the waxing moon and start the ritual. We need these things:

Your photo in 3 × 4 format;
Green thread;
Fresh basil leaves.

Place the photo on the windowsill. Wrap in basil leaves, and then tie with thread. The photo should stand on the windowsill all night. In the morning, when our photo is charged with the moonlight, we wrap it in green cloth. Let the leaves remain. Now we have a talisman that will greatly speed up the meeting with our betrothed.

Another such talisman is made from an apricot kernel. We take ripe and juicy fruit for our ritual. The fruit should be free of wormholes and damage. We take out the pit from the apricot, rinse it well and dry it.

Easy, so as not to break it into small pieces, divide the bone into two halves. We take out the nucleolus from it and glue the halves. The fruit itself must be eaten. We give the kernel to the birds. When you eat the fruit, say:

"Love for me."

When you give the kernel to the birds:

"Failure is outside!"

Color the glued bone red. Make a hole in it and pull a red or pink thread through it. We got a talisman, putting it on the neck, read:

“I tie men to myself - I oblige myself to love them. Help me a talisman - disperse any deception. "

The ritual part is simple, because in this method, the work is done on the personal strength of the performer.

That's it - now remove the amulet from your neck and hide it in a place inaccessible to people. When a young man you like is in your field of vision, then take out your talisman. Again we repeat the words of conspiracies to attract love. As you read the words, imagine the desired outcome. In a couple of weeks, from the moment you read the conspiracy to attract love, you will get what you want.

Conspiracy to get married

A woman naturally wants to be a mother. To become her you need a husband, which means you need to get married. Here's what to do to find love and get married quickly.

You will need to buy a new broom. Days to buy a broom: Wednesday or Friday. When you buy a broom, remember - do not take change.

Wait for the new moon and sweep all the trash in your yard. And if you live in an apartment, then sweep the staircase. Collect all trash in a yellow scoop. The material of the scoop does not play a big role, it can be either wooden or plastic. When you take revenge, be sure to read conspiracies to attract men. You can read these words:

“I drive good fellows into my house, Not lazy, not curmudgeonly, not thieves. Come to me - suitors. From their own, other people's yards. Rock Paper Scissors. Amen. Amen. Amen".

A conspiracy for male attention is pronounced an odd number of times when it is swept. The cleaner you sweep the yard, the faster the result of love plots will be. The more suitors will be dedicated to you.

Collect all the trash and take it to your home. Put the trash in a small canvas bag and put it in the farthest corner. Be careful when pouring. Read the "Our Father" over it 9 times, and hold the bag until the next new moon.

Soon you will have many suitors, and you will be able to choose the most worthy, your own - the only one. Garbage, when it becomes possible, must be taken out and bury away from your place of residence. Try to make this mission so that people cannot see you.

Rules for conducting love conspiracies

By following these rules, you can attract true love into your life:

Most of the rituals are performed during the growing moon - then their effectiveness is at its peak;
Pay special attention to the place and time of the conspiracy. When the time is not specified, select midnight. You must be alone when performing the ceremony;
Believe in the power of the conspiracy, without faith there will be no result;
You should be in high spirits during the ceremony, a good mood is the key to success;
Complete silence about the fact that you performed a ceremony or conspiracy.

Follow these simple rules and any ceremony will be as effective as possible. Act, and then a conspiracy to attract love can give you love.

You are looking for love, but you are still alone, take a close look around, start from your home. If your house is dominated by a purely female yin energy, this can lead to loneliness and dissatisfaction. What I'm talking about? Let's take a closer look.

The house we live in

So, see if you have a lot of pictures or photographs of single women in your home. Pictures with such images carry exclusively yin energy and bring loneliness to the tenant of the house.

Women seeking love must balance female and male energies in their homes. For example, if in your apartment furniture and colors reflect only yin energy, and there are many photographs depicting single women, then you have very little chance of attracting a permanent man into your life.

In this case, Feng Shui recommends bringing more Yang active colors and shapes into your home. Decorate the walls with posters and photographs that suit a man and reflect his masculine essence. It is also good if the ornaments contain decorative elements in the form of triangles, zigzags, stars, pyramids.

Feng Shui in love (as in all other areas of life) helps to achieve balance between the feminine and masculine. And then you will be successful everywhere.

Feng Shui of Love - Heavy Artillery

If you have used the above principles of Feng Shui to attract love into your life, but you still don’t have a wedding ring on your ring finger, then it’s time to apply the “heavy artillery” of Feng Shui:

Treat yourself to a shopping trip. Buy yourself some eye-popping red underwear and place it in the Southwest Sector.

A very powerful statement to the universe about your desire to get married is that in the southwest section of your apartment (or room), you turn the wall red. You can paste red wallpaper or paint the wall with paint. If you are in danger of a conflict with relatives because of an unforeseen change in the color scheme of the interior, then hang, at least a poster or a picture. Well, nothing, Malevich had a Black Square, and you will have a red one. Such a move will simply explode the yang energy in the love sector and the universe will have nothing left but to provide you with a suitable partner for marriage. Using this knowledge of Feng Shui, do not forget to repaint the red walls in a more neutral color after Mendelssohn's march.

Try to make sure that the room you visit most often has good lighting. It is great if there is a lot of sunlight in the room, if not, then strengthen the electric lighting. For example, install an additional lamp or change curtains that are too dark and dense.

In order to become more active, a special diet will help you. Include more roots, nuts, legumes, rice, and seeds in your diet. Such a diet should be adhered to as long as possible, thus, the energy level is slowly corrected towards the predominance of yang energy.

It is good if you carry with you a piece of quartz or any mineral corresponding to your zodiac sign.

All metal objects in the house must be well polished. Be it doorknobs, dishes, plumbing items and more. Thanks to this, you will become a more courageous and courageous person, which will increase the effectiveness of your search for a partner. Thanks to metal, you will open up, believe in yourself, gain assertiveness and strength not to stop before difficulties.

Use wooden bead curtains, wind chimes, ticking clocks, pendants, etc. to decorate your home. Objects that emit sound strongly stimulate the flows of positive qi, which will give you the necessary strength not to get stuck in one direction and more intensively search for your partner.

In order for the attracted yang energies not to be harmful, it is good if you use earthenware or ceramic dishes.

Try to sit facing in a direction that is right for you as often as possible. How do you figure out your lucky direction? Read the Feng Shui of the workplace (there I painted everything).

A strong talisman of Feng Shui love is a picture with peonies. A single woman can hang it when entering a bedroom or living room. It's good if live peonies will decorate your home.

Let your apartment have as many paired symbols as possible. It can be a pair of frolicking fish, mandarin ducks, or a pair of footprints that symbolize Buddha footprints, swans, hearts or doves. The main thing is that there is a pairing symbolizing the combination of two principles - female and male.

Crystals. Place crystals in the southwest corner of the bedroom, thanks to their magical effects, you will find harmony and happiness in a relationship with your loved one. Before you use the crystal, clear it. To do this is simple, prepare water with sea salt, and place the crystal there for seven days.

Correctly formulate your order

It is very important that you understand what kind of person you want to attract to your life partner. After all, sometimes single women cry out to the universe: "Well, send me a man, well, at least some!" And the universe fulfills an order for "some" man. And then again complaints that now it seems that there is more than one, but all the same, everything is not so.

Therefore, feng shui to attract love, not just love, but the very one and only, recommends doing the following:

1. Take a piece of paper and, after thinking carefully, describe "your" man. List all the qualities that he should have. Take your time, spend a couple of days on this to think everything over.

2. There are no ideal people, so you must also write down the shortcomings of your chosen one. BUT, write only those flaws that you can put up with! The more varied your list is, the better, you will insure yourself as much as possible against surprises in the future.

3. You can also describe the appearance of your chosen one.

4. If you are confident and ready to send your order to fulfill the universe, rewrite these lists on red or pink paper - these are the colors of love. Then roll up and tie with a red ribbon. Put in the corner of the marriage - the far right corner from the front door.

If you crave love, use the secrets of the Feng Shui masters! And very soon you will be surprised at how dramatically your life is changing.