French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris. Pamela Druckerman - French children don't spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris Druckerman French children spit food

Pamela Druckerman

French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris

Dedicated to Simon, around whom everything makes sense

Les petits poissons dans l'eau,

Nagent aussi bien que les gros.

Small fish swim like big fish.

French nursery rhyme

The book became fashionable instantly. On the one hand, it is about raising children, and on the other hand, it is about savoir vivre(the famous “ability to live”), in which, according to the French, they have no equal... This is a book about how to raise a happy, self-confident and independent person without teaching him foreign languages ​​from infancy and without breastfeeding until he is two years old . And about how to be a mother, a woman and a social unit.

Olesya Khantsevich, Expert magazine

Perhaps the most popular guide to raising children today.

Lisa Birger, Kommersant Weekend magazine

Why are there so many gourmets, hedonists and connoisseurs of beauty in France? This is the result of being raised in French. We have a lot to learn.

Marina Zubkova, “We Read Together” magazine

Druckerman wrote a book that became an international bestseller. It turned out that while everyone else is raising their children, the French are “raising” them... In theory, this will lead to children acting “civilized” and parents feeling relaxed.

Lev Danilkin, Afisha magazine

Amazing book. I didn’t sleep for two nights, I just couldn’t tear myself away.

Elena Solovyova, Raising a Child magazine

Yan Levchenko, Moscow Book Magazine

French parents are above all unobtrusive, calm and patient. This is something like a three-digit code, knowing which you can reveal the main secret of their educational system.

Vera Broyde, newspaper "Book Review"

Parents' lives should not stop with the arrival of children; she just becomes different. The book contains a new and original perspective on raising children and communicating with them.

Anna Akhmedova, "Daddy's Magazine"

Pamela talks easily and wittily about the rules of raising children in France. They are easy to follow and they work!

Magazine "I'll be a mother"

Already from the first pages of the book it becomes clear: if our children are inferior to French in good manners, then the reason, most likely, is not in them, but in us, Russian parents. More precisely, in our parental reactions to various small and large problems.

Irina Nakisen, Snob magazine

A very personal, lively, full of humor and incredibly useful book about the intricacies of parenting. And even though the secrets of French women are as elusive as their famous charm, you can still learn from them the balance between strictness and freedom.

Natalya Lomykina, Forbes magazine

Some names and details in this book have been changed to ensure anonymity.

Dictionary of French educational terms

Attend – wait, wait. This command, which parents give to children in France, means that the child is quite capable of waiting for what he wants and can occupy himself in the meantime.

Au revoir Goodbye. Children in France must say au revoir when saying goodbye to familiar adults. One of the four “magic words” that every French child should know...

Autonomie autonomy. Independence and the ability to rely only on themselves are instilled in children from an early age.

Bêtise – little prank. Dividing offenses into more and less serious ones helps parents respond to them accordingly.

Bonjour hello, good afternoon. This is how children greet familiar adults.

Sasa boudin – lit. poop-sausage, poop. A dirty word for French kindergarteners.

Cadre frames, boundaries. The ideal of French education: children are given clear boundaries, but within these boundaries they are given complete freedom.

Caprice caprice. An impulsive desire, whim, or demand from a child, often accompanied by whining or tears. French parents believe that indulging whims is harmful.

Classe verte "green class". Starting from the first grade of school, students annually go outdoors for about a week under the supervision of a teacher and several adults.

Colonie de vacancies children's holiday camp. In France there are several hundred such camps for children from four years old. They vacation there without their parents, usually in rural areas.

Complicite mutual trust. Mutual understanding, which French parents and educators try to achieve from children from birth. They believe that even young children are capable of thinking rationally and that relationships based on mutual understanding and respect can be built with them.

Creche – full-day French public nursery. Middle-class French people tend to send their children to nurseries rather than leaving them with nannies. They prefer public nurseries to private, “home-based” ones.

Doucement quietly, carefully. One of those words that educators often say to young children, believing that even kids are able to act consciously and control their actions.

Doudou – favorite toy, usually soft - the one with which the child falls asleep.

École maternelle – free public kindergarten. A child goes to kindergarten in September of the year he turns three.

Education – training, education. French parents view raising children as education.

Enfant roi - child king. An overly demanding child who is constantly in the center of attention of his parents and does not tolerate at all if something is “not his thing.”

Équilibre – equilibrium. Everything in life should be balanced, and no one role should overlap with others - including the role of a parent.

Éveillé/e – awakened, alive, active. The ideal quality of a French child. Another ideal quality is prudence, see sage.

Gourmand/e – someone who eats too quickly, too much, or likes one dish too much.

Goûter – afternoon tea. They usually have an afternoon snack at 16.00, and this is the only “snack” during the day.

Les gros yeux – “ big eyes" A reproachful look - this is how adults look at naughty children.

Maman-taxi – taxi mom. This is the name given to mothers who spend all their free time transporting their children from one “development center” to another. This is not considered équilibré.

N'importe quoi - God knows what, as you please. A child who behaves this way does not know the boundaries of what is permitted and does not think about others.

Non- no way.

Profter – enjoy, take advantage of the moment.

Punir – punish. In France people are punished only for very serious, serious reasons.

Rapporter to inform, to inform. In France, both children and adults think it's terrible.

Sage – reasonable, calm. This is what they say about a child who knows how to control himself or is absorbed in play. Instead of “behave”, French parents say: “be sage».

Tetine – pacifier. Three and four year olds with a pacifier in their mouth is a common sight in France.

Preface

French children don't spit their food When our daughter turned one and a half years old, we decided to take her on vacation with us.

We choose a coastal town a few hours by train from Paris, where we live (my husband is English, I am American), and book a room with a cot. We still have one daughter, and it seems to us that there will be no difficulties (how naive!). We will have breakfast at the hotel, and lunch and dinner will be in fish restaurants in the old port.

It soon becomes clear that two trips to a restaurant every day with a one and a half year old child can become a separate circle of hell. Food - a piece of bread or something fried - captivates our Bean for only a couple of minutes, after which she pours salt out of the salt shaker, tears up packets of sugar and demands to be lowered onto the floor from her highchair: she wants to rush around the restaurant or run into side of the pier.

Our tactic is to eat as quickly as possible. We place our order without having had time to sit down properly, and we beg the waiter to quickly bring bread, snacks and main courses - all dishes at the same time. While my husband swallows pieces of fish, I make sure that Bean doesn’t fall under the waiter’s feet and drown in the sea. Then we change... We leave a huge tip in order to somehow compensate for the feeling of guilt for the mountains of napkins and scraps of squid on the table.

On the way back to the hotel, we vow never to travel again or have children - because it is nothing but misfortune. Our vacation makes a diagnosis: life as it was a year and a half ago is over forever. I don't know why this surprises us.

French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris Pamela Druckerman

(estimates: 1 , average: 5,00 out of 5)

Title: French children don't spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris
Author: Pamela Druckerman
Year: 2012
Genre: Foreign applied and popular science literature, Parenting, Child psychology, Foreign psychology

About the book “French children don’t spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris" Pamela Druckerman

Each country has its own traditions not only in holidays or cuisine, but also in raising children. In our country, there is nothing terrible about spanking a child if he behaves badly, but in other countries, children can be taken away from parents altogether for such behavior. And there it is considered the norm.

In general, raising a child is a very delicate and individual matter. Here, only parents have the right to decide how to educate, what to feed, how to treat, and which classes to enroll in. However, there are generally accepted tips that will be useful to absolutely everyone. The book “French children do not spit food. Parenting Secrets from Paris" by Pamela Druckerman will show you how children are raised in France. Of course, many pieces of advice are not suitable for our children, and many examples are completely unacceptable for our parents. Everything is relative, but overall this book will be extremely useful and informative.

Often parents try to keep their children strict, but at the same time they may simply skip some small detail without considering it important. Ultimately, this will affect the child's entire life. Like, for example, allowing only what your child wants to eat, and in the future you will wonder why he has poor health and poor appetite.

The French, on the one hand, have a very correct approach to raising their children. They divide time into children's and adults' time. The baby goes to bed early, which allows moms and dads to go about their business. Everything is built on strict rules, but at the same time, within the framework of these rules, the child has the right to do whatever he wants. For example, after 20.00 he goes to his room to sleep, but he has the right to choose - to go to rest or go about his business, without disturbing his parents, without going into their room. Parents also do not go into the child’s room at this time. Of course, many will not agree with this, because children are different, and behind closed doors they can do a lot of things.

The French ensure that their children behave politely and moderately quietly when visiting, they go to bed without arguing, and eat everything they are given. Yes, there are strict limits and rules, but children do not grow up downtrodden or intimidated. They are active, sociable and cheerful. Almost everyone achieves this, but few can actually boast of it.

In the book “French children do not spit food. Secrets of education from Paris" Pamela Druckerman offers several rules by which French children are raised. So, their parents teach them patience. If you indulge in everything, then desires and whims will grow rapidly.

As mentioned above, all children know that there is time for adults when moms and dads want to relax. And this applies not only to evenings, but also to vacations and weekends. There is nothing wrong with parents wanting to relax for themselves, because children are not the whole of life.

And most importantly, the French allow their children to live their own lives. Yes, there are rules and restrictions that kids very clearly know, understand and follow, but at the same time they are free to do many things, make mistakes and correct them, choose what they like. Excessive guardianship is actually very bad.

The book “French children do not spit food. Parenting Secrets from Paris" by Pamela Druckerman contains a huge number of other rules, recommendations and interesting facts about France and the French. It will be of interest to those who are happy parents, and to those who are just planning, and even to those who do not intend to have offspring at all.

On our website about books you can download the site for free without registration or read online the book “French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris" by Pamela Druckerman in epub, fb2, txt, rtf, pdf formats for iPad, iPhone, Android and Kindle. The book will give you a lot of pleasant moments and real pleasure from reading. You can buy the full version from our partner. Also, here you will find the latest news from the literary world, learn the biography of your favorite authors. For beginning writers, there is a separate section with useful tips and tricks, interesting articles, thanks to which you yourself can try your hand at literary crafts.

Quotes from the book “French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris" Pamela Druckerman

A study conducted at the University of British Columbia found that eight-month-old babies are able to understand probability. There is evidence that children have a concept of morality! Bloom and his colleagues showed 6- and 10-month-old infants a kind of puppet show in which a circle tried to climb a slide. The “good” assistant helped him in this, and the “evil” one pushed the circle down. After the performance, the kids were brought “good” and “evil” on a tray. Almost everyone chose “good”! “Children from a very early age are attracted to good characters and repelled by evil ones,” concludes Paul Bloom.

I still strive for the French ideal: to be able to listen to children, while knowing that one cannot bend to their will. In times of crisis, I still say, “I’m in charge here,” reminding everyone who’s boss.

I also really like Dolto’s idea that children need to be trusted. By trusting and respecting them, I will earn trust and respect for myself. And it's so nice! The grip of interdependence that is inevitable in my homeland cannot be called pleasant. And constant nervousness is not the best basis for education.

“Bans should always be implemented consistently, and we always explain why we prohibit children from doing this or that,” says Sylvie.

I really like this saying. Within the established framework, the child feels calm. He knows that he can do whatever he wants, but some restrictions remain unchanged for him.

Kids must learn to cope with boredom and entertain themselves on their own.

Frameworks are needed, otherwise the child feels lost, says Fanny. – They give confidence. I don't doubt my children, and they feel it.

If your baby gets used to hearing only good things, over time he will need constant approval in order to maintain high self-esteem. In addition, if a child knows that he will still be praised no matter what he does, he stops trying. For what? After all, he will hear only good things anyway!

Anxiety is akin to the habit of grabbing the armrests of a chair during turbulence - the illusion that we are still able to control something!

The advice not to rush to the child at the first call follows from the recommendation to “watch the child.” After all, if his mother immediately grabs him in her arms as soon as he cries, she is not watching him. From Cohen's point of view, this pause - I'm tempted to dub it La Pause - is very important. In his opinion, observing such a pause from birth greatly influences how children sleep.

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American journalist Pamela Druckerman, who worked on Wall Street for five years, wrote the book “French Children Don’t Spit Food. Secrets of education from Paris." The whole family lives in France. She and her husband have three children. After talking with young French mothers, Pamela Druckerman came up with the basic rules for raising children in this country. She came to the conclusion that the French's parenting methods were very different from those used in the United States. Her book was the culmination of her observations and research.

Every country, even every family, has its own rules for raising children. In some places, hitting a child is considered quite normal, but in others it is considered completely unacceptable. Some people prefer to completely control their child, fearing that he might do something bad, while others give the child freedom and the right to be himself.

In France, women manage to combine the responsibilities of a good wife and mother, have a career and look great. The author wonders how they do it. What is special here is that the child is perceived as an independent, conscious person. Although there are certain limits beyond which one cannot go, and children clearly understand this. However, in many other moments they are given complete freedom.

Mutual respect between parents and children is also very important. For example, French children know that parents also need rest after work and on weekends. Parents are not required to spend 100% of their time with their child. Therefore, in the evening, children go early to their room, where they can go to bed or do their own business. Parents do the same.

French children behave reasonably decently when visiting, do not throw tantrums over food, and go to bed without scandals. This is of course very attractive. The book will allow you to learn some of the features of upbringing. Perhaps not all of them are applicable to our country, however, others will be extremely useful

On our website you can download the book "French Children Don't Spit Food. Parenting Secrets from Paris" by Pamela Druckerman for free and without registration in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt format, read the book online or buy the book in the online store.

The idea to write a work about the intricacies of French parenting came from the American writer Pamela Duckerman during her stay in Paris. She was very surprised at how different children of other nationalities differ in behavior from French children.Already at the age of four months, parents put them to bed separately, and in return they do not annoy mom and dad with incessant crying. They do not interfere in adult conversations and do not throw scandals over a toy they did not buy at the store. They eat everything their parents give them without arguing. And when evening comes, they go to bed without further instructions.

As it turned out, ladies in France do not want to give up their personal life and career growth with the birth of a baby, and even after the birth of several children they remain slim, active and sexy.Read a book full of life, humor and practical advice - get an unforgettable experience and recommendations that can be applied in real life!

Characteristics of the book

Date written: 2012
Name: French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris

Volume: 320 pages, 1 illustration
ISBN: 978-5-905891-05-2
Translator: Yulia Zmeeva
Copyright holder: Sinbad Publishing House

Preface to the book “French Children Don’t Spit Food”

We choose a coastal town a few hours away by train from Paris, where we live (my husband is English, I am American), and book a room with a cot. We still have one daughter, and it seems to us that there will be no difficulties (how naive!). We will have breakfast at the hotel, and lunch and dinner will be in fish restaurants in the old port.

It soon becomes clear that two trips to a restaurant every day with a one and a half year old child can become a separate circle of hell. Food - a piece of bread or something fried - captivates our Bean for only a couple of minutes, after which she pours salt out of the salt shaker, tears up packets of sugar and demands that she be lowered to the floor from her highchair: she wants to rush around the restaurant or run into side of the pier.

Our tactic is to eat as quickly as possible. We place our order without having time to properly sit down, and we beg the waiter to quickly bring bread, snacks and main courses - all dishes at the same time. While my husband swallows pieces of fish, I make sure that Bean doesn’t fall under the waiter’s feet and drown in the sea. Then we change... We leave a huge tip in order to somehow compensate for the feeling of guilt for the mountains of napkins and scraps of squid on the table.

On the way back to the hotel, we swear never to travel again or have children - because it is nothing but misfortune. Our vacation makes a diagnosis: life as it was a year and a half ago is over forever. I don't know why this surprises us.

Having endured several such lunches and dinners, I suddenly notice that the French families at the neighboring tables are perhaps not experiencing hellish torment. Oddly enough, they just look like people on vacation! French children, Bean's age, sit quietly in their high chairs and wait for their food to be brought to them. They eat fish and even vegetables. They don't scream or whine. The whole family eats snacks first, then mains. And it doesn’t leave mountains of trash behind.

Even though I lived in France for several years, I cannot explain this phenomenon. In Paris you rarely see children in restaurants, and I didn’t look closely at them. Before giving birth, I didn’t pay attention to other people’s children at all, but now I look mainly at my child. But in our current plight, I can't help but notice that some children seem to behave differently.

But why? Are French children genetically calmer than others? Maybe they are forced to obey using the carrot and stick method? Or is the old-fashioned educational philosophy still in use here: “children should be seen, but not heard”?

Don't think. These kids don't seem intimidated. They are cheerful, talkative, and curious. Their parents are attentive and caring. And it’s as if some invisible force is hovering over their tables, forcing them to behave in a civilized manner. I suspect that she controls the entire life of French families. But it is completely absent from ours.

The difference is not only in behavior at a table in a restaurant. For example, I have never seen a child (not counting my own) throw a tantrum on the playground. Why don't my French friends have to interrupt phone calls when their children urgently need something? Why aren't their rooms filled with toy houses and doll kitchens like ours? And that is not all. Why do most non-French children I know eat only pasta and rice or eat only “children’s” dishes (and there aren’t that many of them), while my daughter’s friends eat fish, vegetables, and basically anything? French children do not grab bites between meals, contenting themselves with an afternoon snack at a certain time. How is this possible?

I never thought that I would be imbued with respect for French methods of education. No one has ever heard of these, unlike French haute couture or French cheeses. Nobody goes to Paris to learn from the French methods of raising children in which there is no place for feelings of guilt. On the contrary, the mothers I know are horrified that French women hardly breastfeed and calmly allow their four-year-olds to walk around with a pacifier in their mouth. But why doesn’t anyone talk about the fact that most babies in French families sleep through the night already at two or three months? And that they don't need constant supervision. And that they don’t fall to the floor in hysterics when they hear their parents “no.”

Yes, French education methods are not really known in the world. But over time, I realized that somehow, imperceptibly, French parents achieve results that create a completely different atmosphere in the family. When the families of my compatriots come to visit us, the parents are mostly busy separating their fighting children, leading their two-year-olds by the hand around the kitchen table, or sitting on the floor with them and building cities out of Lego. Someone inevitably throws a tantrum, and everyone starts to console him. But when we have French friends visiting us, all the adults calmly drink coffee and chat, and the children calmly play on their own.

This doesn't mean that parents in France don't worry about their children. No, they are aware that there are pedophiles, allergies and the risk of choking on small parts of toys. And they follow all precautions. But they do not feel panicky fear for the well-being of their children. This calm attitude allows them to more effectively maintain a balance between the boundaries of what is permitted and children's independence. (In a 2002 International Social Research Program survey, 90% of French people responded “Agree” or “Strongly Agree” to the statement: “Watching my children grow up is the greatest joy in life.” By comparison, the same is true in the United States 85.5% answered, in the UK - 81.1% of parents.)

Many families have problems with education. Hundreds of books and articles have been written about them: excessive care, pathological care, and my favorite term - “child worship” - when so much attention is paid to raising children that it is to the detriment of the children themselves. But why is the “child-worshipping” method of education so deeply ingrained under our skin that we are unable to get rid of it?

It began in the 1980s, when scientists received evidence (and the press widely disseminated it) that children from poor families were falling behind in their studies because they were not receiving enough attention, especially at an early age. Middle-class parents felt that their children could also use more attention. At the same time, they began to pursue another goal - to raise children in a special way so that they could become part of the “new elite”. And for this it is necessary to develop children “correctly” from a very early age, and it is desirable that they are ahead of others in their development.

French children do not spit food. Parenting secrets from Paris - Pamela Druckerman (download)

(introductory fragment of the book)

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