The man is married but does not let me go. The lady takes matters into her own hands. Full Professor of Psychology - Chief Research Fellow

This person will hold you as long as you let him do it. Being with you in such a relationship, he solves his emotional problems at your expense, reserves the opportunity to return if something suddenly ceases to suit him in the new conditions, takes away from you the opportunity to arrange his own happy destiny, the right to decide, your energy, strength, nerves. Why are you doing this to yourself? Who told you that you are nothing of yourself, that you are not worthy of all the very best? Try to be aware of the fact that you are with this person. already parted, already ceased to be a couple, in any case he improved his life, rebuilt, knows how to live without you. You also need to do the same - you have every right, you just have to become happy, for yourself, your beloved, to start living, because he does not value you, made your choice, make yours too. Try to disconnect emotionally from him, this means to stop, if possible, any participation in his life (not to direct attention in any way, and therefore energy, in his direction, to the past), try to immediately switch attention to something else at the first thought , remembering him, meeting, not being interested, not communicating at all, unless only for forced reasons (be calm, independent, natural, self-sufficient, nothing with your appearance and behavior through force, not demonstrating, not proving, not asking) and start building your a new happy life, realizing that without him it is quite possible. Analyzing the relationship for yourself, know that no matter what happens, you are not at all to blame for anything unilaterally (both partners always play an equal role in the occurrence of their problem), deserve to be happy, loved, for nothing, just for what you are, doing nothing for this purposefully and not deserving, not investing in this process of comprehending what happened and why, all your strength, time, not turning expectation, suffering into the meaning of your being. Let's accept what happened as a life experience, free ourselves from the wrong perception of ourselves and negative emotions, start to become ourselves and realize our value as a person, a beautiful woman, beauty, intelligence, kindness, responsiveness, humor and all other positive qualities (you have them - a lot, add it yourself! this is a psychological exercise). No means of effect will give until you create the necessary harmony within yourself, until you love yourself as much as you once loved him, until you start investing strength, money, time, resources. Start living for yourself, for joy and pleasure, in the full sense of these expressions, allow it for yourself, this will be the first significant step towards letting go of the past, all the negativity, towards shifting the focus of attention from the man's act to improving his life as a whole, and therefore to finding peace of mind. You should pay attention to yourself, stop dwelling on what happened, pondering the motives and consequences of his behavior and turn around, or rather completely reorient yourself exclusively - life is too short to spend it on illusions and those who do not value you. The meaning of life has not gone anywhere, there is always something to live for and someone to live for, meaning is found even by those who have a few days left to live. Stop getting upset, imagining all possible horrors, this will not help yourself in any way. Also, do not look for salvation from loneliness, support in other people, men - look for an inner source of vitality you have. In order to survive any negative events, it is necessary to let out the emotions experienced as a result (they are still inside you, not experienced, not reacted), cry, shout, hit a pillow or a pear in the gym, break it, tear it apart, which is not a pity , write on a piece of paper everything that you want to part with forever, all the negative and tear it apart, burn it - it will become easier, verified by experience. There are physical exercises that are pleasant and acceptable to you, walks in nature give a tremendous boost of energy, if you really feel the sensations you get, watch comedies and funny shows (this is laughter therapy) - find your own way to recharge yourself with a positive, your own method of self-regulation. Look at the situation from this point of view: this person performed a certain function next to you, gave experience, there is no longer any point in being with him, parting and being alone with yourself are not only sad emotions, they will pass, it is also an opportunity to understand yourself , experience, a chance to find a pleasing occupation, to attract into your life a person who will appreciate you exactly the way you are, love you, make you feel that you are the best, because you are, look at the world through the eyes of someone who freely disposes of his time and a person ... and much more. Understand that you don’t owe anything to anyone, you don’t owe anything to please someone, that you do not meet someone’s standards and feel unhappy. Never dissolve in another person and relationship, keep your integrity. Do not let your feeling of happiness and fullness of life depend on another person, his opinion or behavior. Just pay attention to yourself, understand that the most important value for you is yourself. What to do next with your life - the choice is only yours. Yes, you will have to change your life, but it does not mean that for the worse. Switch to yourself. Take up the search for opportunities to receive joyful emotions - now for you it is like a spa treatment, rest, doctors and medicines combined. Love yourself, appreciate and respect - people and men will treat you in the same way. Allow yourself to be happy regardless of the presence of other people in your life. All love begins with self-love, so love yourself for who you are, and the attitude of other people towards you will also change for the better. Self-love is the unconditional acceptance of oneself as one is, the ability to see positive and negative traits in oneself, to develop good ones, not to deny, not to abandon the bad ones (although there are definitely no good or bad ones, there are 2 sides to everything), to understand your desires , to feel that you are good regardless of the opinions of others, age, education, finances, appearance, status. A sense of self-worth is a deeply inner unshakable and independent confidence that you are valuable, important, worthy of love, happiness, respect and all kinds of praise in yourself. Everything will be fine with you, believe me, everything will fall into place as soon as you start to treat yourself with care and respect (this is self-love). Never expect someone to help, prompt, make a decision for you, make your life happy - build it yourself, fill it with new desired content. Do the best for yourself. Be good first of all for yourself, become your main value, an object of effort, a life guide, you are worth it, you will never leave yourself, do not offend, do not betray. Believe in yourself, you can, you will achieve everything, everything will work out for you, do not be afraid of anything - live with these thoughts. Each person chooses for himself whether to be happy or unhappy - allow yourself to be whatever you want. Take action. This is a very short answer. If you want support and professional advice - contact us, I am always glad to help, support, find acceptable ways to resolve the situation. Good luck, love and harmony with yourself. For the assessment of the answer, I will be grateful.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "This person will keep you as long as you let him do it. Being with you ..." to the question http: // www .. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Discuss with an expert

At first glance, a paradoxical situation is not so common when a man, on the one hand, does not want a serious relationship, but does not let the woman go either. (for example, he himself is married and is not going to get divorced. Maybe not married, but simply does not want the development of relations. For example, he promises to get married someday, maybe in 10 years)

And it doesn't just not let go. And it's not just that he doesn't want a serious relationship. He is still jealous of other men. He is jealous of her free time. He doesn't just not let go. He tolerates a woman's tantrums about her not the best position. He buys gifts for her. He tries to change for her, even if it is not easy for him. Sometimes he even wants a child from her. It is not uncommon for a woman to give birth to a child, and he lives in two families.

What is the reason for this behavior of a man? Why, on the one hand, he does not want a serious relationship, and on the other, he does not let the woman go.

This is actually a weird relationship phenomenon. But let's try to take it apart. And as soon as we begin to approach it, we immediately see two different situations, albeit united by some common features.

The first situation. A man in reality wants to break off his previous relationship, but this happens very slowly for him.

There are about 10 percent of such situations, no more.

Indeed, a man's marriage is falling apart. He really wants to start a new family and then he starts. But the breakup of a marriage is sometimes a rather lengthy process and not everything is simple there.

A man and a woman in marriage are united by the past, where there were many truly joyful and good things. They often have children. Almost always joint property. They have mutual acquaintances and even relatives of the wife, who have practically become friends.

All this keeps a man and a woman together, even if the very relationship between them is at an impasse.

Therefore, the breakdown of a marriage can last for years.

In addition, this process sometimes stops. Something happens, and the relationship is restored again. For example, they begin to live almost like strangers, in different rooms, each with its own budget and only talk about children and paying for an apartment. After some time (not always of course), they realize that they are losing a lot, that they are dear to each other and the relationship is being restored.

Indeed, in fact, if a wife possesses at least half of the qualities that a man values ​​in a mistress, then the marriage will never fall apart.

But even if everything is bad, then, as I wrote above, the disintegration of a family can last for years.

But in any case, it is almost always possible to distinguish a man whose family is falling apart from one who is looking for a mistress.

The marriage is still falling apart on the rise (scandals develop into housing in different rooms, etc.) Material evidence quickly appears (a statement of claim for divorce, etc.)

The second most common situation. The man does not build a serious relationship, but he also does not let the woman go, because it is so convenient for him.

Let's go through the remaining situations, which constitute the overwhelming majority of them.

The mistress in them (or just the woman with whom the man lives) is not a potential wife. Even if the man constantly claims the opposite. (More precisely, even the more he asserts this, the more likely that he says, just to get rid of) A mistress is a pleasant addition to family life. For some men, in view of their certain complexes, a mistress is a necessity.

And here it is not as important as in reality. Maybe he is appreciated and needed, but because of his complexes, he does not feel this. And if two women are fighting for a man, then some of them experience some kind of high. (not very clear to me)

Maybe he does not feel that his wife appreciates him as a man and he wants to show her that other beautiful and young women appreciate him. (In reality, a man who gets himself a permanent mistress, and even more so a child, almost always subconsciously "wants" to be caught, or at least his wife suspected him)

That is, a man in our situation is an egoist to the core. He, in fact, does not care about the interests of his mistress. I don't care that she might lose the chance to marry normally, to give birth to a child who will have a normal father, etc. He is usually interested in the fact that two women are pulling the rope for him (at least his mistress pulls). He just doesn't want a serious relationship.

Well, okay, I'm all about men and about men. Let's summarize them a little and move on to women.

The overwhelming majority of situations when a man does not let a woman go and does not develop a relationship (it does not matter if he is married or not, or a man simply did not have a serious relationship before) is a man's complete selfishness combined with complexes, when he needs more than just a woman's love , and the struggle of several women for him, tug-of-war (at least a mistress), is an intrigue when he is "caught" or something like that.

The fact that he gives gifts, suffers tantrums, changes his behavior or even agrees to the child - this, in fact, does not change anything. If a man has a need (inferiority complex) for women to pull the rope between each other for him, then in order to satisfy his strongest selfish need, he can make some decent sacrifices.

Well, okay, but what about a woman in this situation?

An ordinary woman who has at least average confidence in relation to men and does not have similar similar programs in the subconscious mind rather quickly leaves a married or unmarried man who does not want to develop a relationship.

The man says that he wants to get a divorce, which means tomorrow he shows her a statement of claim in court for divorce. (if needed)

He says that his wife is already a stranger, which means we come together to visit friends, parents and he introduces her as a woman with whom he is going to start a family in the near future. (or even dating his wife if they are really strangers)

If not, the relationship ends quickly.

And so what does it mean “a man keeps, but does not want the development of relations”? Does it hold them in chains or what? Holds back by blackmail? Of course not.

Holds with gifts, persuasion in the style of "Santa Barbara" and declarations of love, too, in the style of the Mexican TV series.

It turns out that a woman with a certain type of psyche or parenting programs is a necessary part of such a situation. She also realizes her essentially selfish desires to suffer. And do not think that this is such a rarity. Almost half of our population, to a greater or lesser extent, prefers to suffer, blame everyone around, ponder and discuss some situations in which they are right (politics is admissible), than actually trying to do something and change (or in parallel with changes )

In suffering, in being right, in being able to blame your failures on someone, there is a certain pleasure that a person often exchanges for real achievements and success.

And yes, about the fact that "He was deceiving me, and I could not guess that he has a wife."

This, of course, is again from the category of those cases when a woman wants to believe in something, and she does not take primitive steps to check the truth.

For example, an unmarried man can easily stay overnight with a woman on weekends, on New Year's holidays, and in general on any suitable day. You can safely come home to an unmarried man. You can see his passport. You can come to work for him. You can chat with his friends and relatives. With him, you can easily go abroad for a couple of weeks. You can usually see his phone without any problem.

And this is me very briefly. Therefore, I do not believe about the stories that I talked with a man for a couple of years and sincerely did not know that there was a wife.

What to do?

- Understand your selfish long-term interests.

Do not think that for a man who does not want a serious relationship, you are the most important thing in life, or even make up an essential part of his life. Remember, you are just a small addition to his Santa Barbara family. Imagine even the opposite situation to begin with. You have made a lover for sex. For you, he is 3-5% of your life, where there is a husband, children, work, finances, girlfriends, relatives, etc. He thinks that he is the most important in your life, since he was told a couple of compliments.

It's the same here. For him, you are just a means of satisfying some tiny part of his complexes. It doesn't matter what he tells you.

That is, you are the satisfaction of a small part of a man's selfish interests, some of his complexes.

— To clearly understand that the chances of a mistress of becoming a wife are scanty.

Read the statistics. How many mistresses then become wives? Somewhere I read that 5 percent. In my opinion, a little more, probably 10 percent. But these 10 percent also fall on those women, where men really have a marriage falling apart quickly and the growing signs of this decay are immediately visible, right up to the statement of claim for divorce. All this happens over the course of several months. (If you have been dating for more than a year, then the chances are vanishingly small)

That is, the chances of changing the role are scanty. The visits to the man's wife with scenes from Mexican TV series do not help either. Usually, such an arrival is followed by a grandiose scandal, but nothing changes for the mistress (even if the man was kicked out of the house, which is rare).

Do you need it?

— And vice versa. Breaking out of a relationship with a man, even without prospects, becomes more difficult over the years..

I hope this is obvious, but I repeat. There are examples when women were in the role of mistress for five, ten and thirty years, that is, until old age. They could not jump out of their role. Because over the years it becomes more and more difficult.

The easiest thing to do is before a few weeks or months have passed.

The reasons may vary. The most common is having a family.

The second most frequent man is a complete egoist and is so comfortable for him.

The third is that a man understands that a woman in her qualities simply does not pull the role of a wife (and rarely makes mistakes).

This is revealed simply. Or, according to the signs above, it is clear that the man is married. Or, after about six months of meetings, you do not move on to living together. (it does not matter, with the registration of marriage or not)

The fact that a man does not let a woman go does not speak of his love, but only that it is so convenient for him to live. After all, a loving person will think not only about himself, but also about the interests of his woman.

If a man does not want / cannot live together within a reasonable framework and then marry, then this relationship is doomed to failure. (I hope that you have already told him that you need to get married or you are breaking up). There is only one way out.

Don't bury your head in the sand. Soberly assess what kind of man you have, what kind of relationship you have with him, what stage of the relationship you are at, whether there is a prospect for the relationship. After that, make a decision and stick to it, despite any words of the man.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

If a chill has arisen in a relationship, so it becomes obvious that a man does not want a relationship, he does not hold the woman, but does not let go, it is worth finding out why this is happening. This position does not allow two people to be happy - none of the partners is satisfied, which means that the situation needs to be changed. "Popularly about health" will tell why a man does not let go, why he does not want to finally put an end to the relationship.

Indecision

Because of their upbringing, some men find themselves indecisive and unable to make decisions. This often happens when a boy was brought up in an incomplete family where there was no father, or he was, but did not show masculine qualities, did not set a worthy example for his son. Such guys grow up indecisive, they are unable to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. They are accustomed to the fact that others decide everything for them - mothers, wives, work colleagues.

V in this case There are two possible options for eliminating the problem - to leave the henpecked person or stay with him, waiting for him to finally decide and, taking all his will into a fist, will voice his decision.

Negative qualities in a companion

A man does not hold, but does not let go of a woman if he loves her, but some of her qualities still alar the gentleman. Perhaps he continues to bide his time to understand whether the girl can change or whether he will be able to close his eyes to her bad character traits. We can say that he gives her time to improve. If the situation does not change, and the partner's patience dries up, a break in relations is possible, and the guy will become the initiator.

In this case, a conversation will help. If the girl herself knows about her shortcomings, then she could work on herself so that there is no reason for her beloved to be dissatisfied. If she genuinely doesn't understand what's going on, why not ask directly what is holding your relationship back. After listening to the boyfriend, you should take into account his fears and claims and try to change.

Fear of loneliness

It also happens that a man clearly sees that this relationship does not promise anything good, they are meaningless, but he is afraid to break off the relationship because of the fear of loneliness.

Such phobias occur in people with low self-esteem or those who were deprived of the attention of their parents in childhood. Such guys will pull to the last, until they meet another girl who will replace the first.

In this case, none of the partners will be happy, it is better to end the protracted situation by offering to leave.

Typical womanizer

A typical womanizer who has several girls does not let go, but also does not hold a woman. He doesn't really need one of them, but with one - great sex, the other takes on household chores, and the third spoils with gifts.

Each is good in its own way. And the womanizer does not keep anyone, because he always has many options in his arsenal, he has nothing to lose, but he also does not intend to scatter women.

The importance of a woman in a man's life

There are those types of guys who do not care at all who is next to them, and whether there is a companion at all. They are passionate about something "more important" like a career. They are only interested in a girl or a spouse in terms of sex, for relaxation and satisfaction of their needs, and also as a housekeeper. Why leave when everything suits - she cooks, washes, cleans, satisfies natural needs. But the man will not hold her either, if the lady wants to leave, he will find another. Such men are too narcissistic and self-confident.

Using the girl for personal gain

If a man does not hold, but also does not let go, the reason may be that he still needs this lady for something. For example, one of the requirements of large companies is that an employee in a senior position must be married.

Also, aged gentlemen do not let a girl go when they want to show acquaintances and friends that they are still popular with women. If the boyfriend does not have his own income, he gladly takes advantage of what his passion earns. There can be many reasons.

If a girl suspects a selfish motive in a relationship, then it is best to initiate a break on her own, so as not to allow her boyfriend to use herself.

Typical Pierrot

There is this type of men - sufferers, victims. They will not decide to break up, but will wait for the companion to take the initiative, so that after that they will be tormented by mental anguish. Probably, these guys have had "sad" stories before, which the current lover knows about. Young people with similar psychological problems are unlikely to be able to make someone happy, they subconsciously find the wrong pair, after which they find themselves abandoned and revel in their role of victim.

If the relationship does not bring happiness and is close to breaking up, but the man does not put an end to it, but does not keep it, in each case it is useful to talk. In the course of the conversation, a lot will become clear, then it will become clear how to proceed further. If the partner is looking closely or is taking time for the partner to change, then there is a chance to mend the relationship. In other cases, it is better to put an end to it.

Almost all men cheat on their wives. But only not all of them leave the family. What if the husband declared that he loves her and wants to leave the family? Is it worth trying to keep him and save his family? If you decide to forgive your husband and stay with him, you need to determine what kind of woman is his mistress.

Why did this happen and what to do?

Perhaps this question will first arise in your head when your husband notifies you of his decision. The reasons that prompted him to enter into a relationship with another woman. But whatever prompted him to take such a step, he fell in love with her. Or thinks he's in love. That is why he told you about its existence.

But lovers are different. Not everyone is ready to accept your husband. So if you decide to fight for your man, then the action plan should be built depending on what your husband's mistress is.

She doesn't need him

Many men are mistaken that any woman who has an intimate relationship with them will be happy to live with him and take care of him. The times of Turgenev's young ladies, who were more afraid of being rejected and disgraced than death, are in the past.

Many women these days think rationally. They prevent feelings and emotions from gaining the upper hand. After all, a family or living together with someone is daily work and work on oneself. And you also need to adapt to each other, negotiate and look for compromises.

And she doesn't want that. Living alone is much easier and more convenient. And your physiological needs for sex are easy to fulfill. You do not need to have a stamp in your passport for this. So she has no idea about taking your husband away from the family.

It is convenient and safe to meet with your husband. Because a married man tends to have less casual sex. And this means that he will not reward her with some unpleasant venereal disease.

A married man is looked after by a legal spouse. She washes and ironing his clothes, feeds him and treats him if he is sick. That is, she gets all the hardships of living together. And for a mistress - only a pleasant pastime, easy communication.

How to identify her

She does not seek to inform you of her existence, does not call again and does not require your husband to spend the weekend with her. She does not go with him to public events, does not meet with his friends. Even if she became pregnant, then, firstly, she probably did it deliberately, and secondly, she will give birth to a child for herself, because she wants to become a mother, and not your husband's new wife. She probably doesn't even need alimony. There will be a long dash in the "Father" column on the baby's birth certificate.

He spends money on it, you will notice that your budget has become more modest. Otherwise, why does he need her? After all, her attitude towards him is exclusively consumerist.

How to deal with it

The best thing that can be in such a mistress is the absence of the need to take action. If the husband thinks that they have love and understanding there, then he is greatly mistaken.

Once you have decided to go to her, then do not hold back. Just wait. As soon as he appears on her doorstep with a suitcase, she will instantly unfold it back. Or not so fast, but they will not be able to live long.

And he will return home to you. Because you have comfort and tranquility. You need it. At a distance, such moments can be felt much better than when living together.

She dreams of a family

This type of mistress is the most unpleasant. You can describe them as follows: he just said "hello", and she mentally married his deputy and gave birth to three children. When such a woman enters the room, she seems to scan everyone present with her gaze in search of the ideal candidate. She is constantly on the lookout until she catches on to someone. And it doesn't matter to her whether her chosen one is married, because she is looking for love in the sense in which she understands.

This will tend to literally swallow your husband. She annoyingly calls, tries to spend all her free time, weekends with him. At some point, her obsession will start to annoy.

But if you and your husband have a disagreement in the relationship, then she will literally stick into him like a wedge. And he will try to do everything to win over your husband.

How to identify her

Such women can be recognized by the look of a "half-milked cow". She smiles coquettishly at all men, and disdains other women haughtily. If at a meeting you wanted to pick up a heavier frying pan and move it across the face so that an imprint remains, then you identified it.

She is not dangerous to you if your husband sees that she is breathing unevenly towards all men in general. If you pay attention to her behavior, then from a female cat with a fluffy tail she will turn in his eyes into a shabby gray mouse.

But if nature has endowed her with impressive secondary sex characteristics, then she will still attract attention. But, most likely, then more sadness will appear in her eyes. Indeed, for sure, her gullibility and desire to start a family have already been used more than once by men for their own selfish purposes.

How to deal with it

It is difficult to deal with such a special person. She is always sweet, good, in a great mood. And the worst thing is that it exalts your husband to heaven. And he is thrilled with happiness on the self-made Olympus.

So if he has not left yet, and you want to keep him, then you will have to start working on yourself. To become better, more attractive. It will take a lot of effort to become better than her.

But is it worth it? Together you spoil your husband. He will be flattered that for his sake 2 women are competing in an effort to stay with him. It is likely that your husband will relax in this situation and stop working on your relationship.

For a mistress, servile behavior in front of a man is normal. It is more important for her to get the coveted stamp in her passport, serve her husband and be an exemplary wife. Endure everything and endure everything. After all, being a woman, or rather, a wise woman, is not easy. But she is ready for anything to be correct.

With such a wife, a man will be comfortable and comfortable. After all, she will do everything impossible so that he does not leave her.

She fell in love with him

Above, we described two opposite types of mistresses: the first does not need a husband in principle, the other is ready to pick up the first person they meet. But most often there is an intermediate option. Such a woman does not seem to be making big plans for your husband, but somehow everything spun and started spinning by itself. And now she even fell in love with him herself.

She may be married herself, but her relationship in marriage weighs on her. And in a relationship with your husband, she finds something that will compensate for her discontent. Or she may not be married. It's just that marriage itself is not a goal for her.

The relationship with your husband is progressing on its own. But at first you won't guess anything. Then you will feel that there is less money in the family, and you see your husband less often. He himself seeks to spend time with her.

How to identify her

It will not be possible to identify such a mistress at first sight. She is unremarkable in this regard. He calmly communicates with both women and men.

The only thing that can be noticed is random gestures, ambiguous phrases. Maybe she is exchanging phrases with your husband, the meaning of which is clear only to both of them. And your husband's behavior changes when she is around.

How to deal with it

Fighting with such a mistress is difficult, but possible. To do this, you need to understand what your husband lacked in family life. Or, on the contrary, what was too much? Remember that everything is good in moderation. If you are a caring wife, then do not seek to stifle him with your concern. If you love to cook, then do not feed your husband as if to slaughter.

In this case, in a relationship with his mistress, he is looking for peace and freedom, the opportunity to breathe calmly without being afraid of you. So you just need to loosen your grip a little.

Once you find out about her existence, then try to calmly talk with your husband, frankly and calmly. What did he find there? Maybe if he loves you, then you will try to overcome this crisis together. Both of you will work on the relationship and on yourself.

Sparks between them

You have been married for several years. Love your husband with a calm, respectful love. You feel good and comfortable together. If there was passion in a relationship, then it has already cooled down, affection and mutual respect have replaced.

Your husband did not plan to cheat on you. But he met another, passion captured them headlong. He fell in love, lost his head.

Most likely, you have noticed before that people are different from your husband. But we decided not to look for passions for ourselves. He is a good person, you appreciate and respect him. What else do you need for a successful family life?

How to identify her

If you find yourself in the room where she and your husband will be, you will notice that air literally melts between them. As they approach each other, sparks are about to fly in all directions. They may not notice anyone around, the whole world has narrowed around them.

His usual movements, facial expressions, gestures, intonation change. You look at him and don't recognize. Or you find out, but sadly note that he was like that at the very beginning of your relationship, and now ...

If you have not seen her, then you feel a change in your husband. His mood changes. He becomes sad if he does not see her for a long time or does not communicate with her. He uses every opportunity to write or call her. And, of course, he hides it from you. Now he has more inhibitions for you. It is unlikely that he will voluntarily give you his phone.

Somehow you will find traces of her being in your shared car, her hair and the smell of perfume may remain on her husband's clothes.

Your intimate life will also change. The husband will avoid intimacy in every possible way, and at such moments it will seem that mentally he is not with you.

How to deal with it

It is useless to fight it, especially until the passions subside. Then it will be clear what their relationship will turn into. Maybe they will see that they do not fit together and disperse. Then the husband will return to you with a sense of guilt.

Or passion will turn into love. They are made for each other. You will have no choice but to retreat and, if possible, maintain a normal relationship with your husband. Start rebuilding your life without him. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, your relationship is ending right now.

Don't take your marriage failure personally. After all, you did the right thing. Passion is not a reliable advisor in a relationship. You were guided by common sense. And he might never have met her.

Then you would peacefully and safely live to an old age together. But would you be happy or at some point would you suddenly realize with horror that you have lost so many years with a good, but non-native person? Better so.

You've been together for several months now. Or not together? You just can't understand: is he with you or not? Are you in a relationship or casual sex? Should you believe him when he says that he loves, and then disappears or refuses to introduce him to friends ?!

It often happens: the relationship seems to freeze and stop developing. The man neither approaches nor repels. What is the reason?

The fact is that girls are constantly waiting for active actions from the opposite sex, relying on their decisiveness and at the same time taking a passive position. For completely inexplicable reasons, the image of a strong man who is able to overcome all the difficulties that has arisen on the way in order to get the heart of the chosen one has been fixed in our subconscious. The same strong man himself makes all attempts at rapprochement. Most of us believe that only the stronger sex should show feelings. Yes, you need to protect your emotions and not run ahead of the locomotive. But how, then, to push the guy to take decisive steps?

First, let's figure out why a man suddenly becomes passive. As a rule, it's all about one of two reasons.

• The girl, without realizing it, is afraid of rapprochement. She does not seem to know what to do if the relationship develops. She seems to want to see the initiative from the man, but in reality, the fear of change and the fear of intimacy inhibits, first of all, the woman. The partner reads the information sent by unconscious impulses and reflects this state.

What should you do in this case? Understand yourself and honestly answer the question: what are you afraid of? What scares you about getting closer? Do you dream of living with this person for the rest of your days? Do you really think that he is worthy of you and he is the best? Or are you somewhere deep in your heart not sure and think that there are better candidates?

It is extremely important for every girl to understand what she really wants. If she does not, then her life will be like a lost ship that has lost its course and cannot find its way in the vastness of the raging ocean. And love with a man will be like a frozen pregnancy.

• Everything suits him. For a man to want to get closer, he needs to feel that he misses you. Only a slight hunger will be a strong stimulus for the development of relationships. And if a guy has everything, you satisfy all his needs, he does not see any reason to change anything.

What should you do in this case? Your task is to make the man want to make an effort in the relationship and start taking the initiative. Remember, everyone is selfish by nature. And whatever our actions are, we always strive to get benefits for ourselves, for this we are ready to make sacrifices and pay. In relationships, everything is the same: a woman wants to feel loved and desired, and a man wants to be sure that he is the best.

If you give your partner a chance to feel like the one and only next to you, with the slightest imbalance in the relationship, he will make every effort to return the feeling of his own “I” that he experiences in your presence. This is what pushes men to show determination, perseverance and initiative. That is, first you let your boyfriend know how extraordinary and amazing he is, and then you start to cool down a little towards him. The feeling of his own superiority for him should not be constant, but fleeting.

Surprisingly, the feeling of admiration does not require any action, it comes from the soul and heart. To do this, you do not need to correspond to a man and try to satisfy his desires. Your belief that he is the best and special is enough for him.

Sometimes a man becomes indecisive because he is afraid of rejection and doubts your feelings. In this case, you need to give the man confidence that you love him and you need him.

And finally, if you want a serious relationship, do not hesitate to speak directly about it and ask questions: why does not he introduce you to friends? How does your novel see it in the future? And be honest about what you want. In the end, we ourselves are responsible for our lives, and being silent for fear of losing a loved one or ruining a relationship is the road to nowhere.