(from dating to family life). Russian about American men. Why so

A friend left with her husband to live in the United States. It is still in shock: the men there behave in a completely different way. How is this “different” expressed? Here is what she writes:

I remember in Russia in the office girls often discussed new clothes, dates, diets, fitness, recipes and household chores. It's the same here, only men go crazy with excess weight, count calories, choose the right trousers for their figure and teach each other how to bake chicken more deliciously - men.

They make a career, yes. But they also consider it their duty to look good, clean up the house and arrange romantic dinners. Several times a week they go to the gym to tighten their ass. And this is in order to - oh happiness! - get a girlfriend.

Those that have acquired continue to do all this even more actively so that she does not leave them and one day accepts a diamond ring from them in a glass of champagne.

And those who were abandoned, despite all their efforts, come to the conclusion not that all women are mercenary bitches, but that they should have tried harder.

This year, my colleague Sandra's boyfriend proposed to her, and they got married. What was the prize for this happy newlywed? Sandra is lazy. If she wants to show an unprecedented care for her husband, she cooks him a peanut butter sandwich. If I tell her about borsch, she is unlikely to believe. Sandra is fat. She has a signature Southern California figure: an immense log on thin legs, wrapped in leggings and a slinky T-shirt. Sandra is not pretty. She has greasy, unkempt, thin hair with undyed roots. And so she sits like this, unfuckable, in flowers and sweets, and argues, go to her husband’s house in the evening, who cooks dinner after work or has a beer in a bar with friends.

And around her is an office full of young men who broke their heads what kind of yogurt to eat in order to meet the daily allowance of 2 thousand calories. And then the ass will grow and no one will give them.

America, of course, is full of assholes who drink and beat their wives. And in Russia there are many normal men. I have my beloved Russian husband. But he, in my opinion, is more atypical pneumonia. I'm talking about the impression of society as a whole, about a strong middle peasant.

At home, I looked around, listened to people, and I got the impression that a collective Russian man argues something like this: “Let me be lazy, rude and unkempt. And let her be beautiful, stylish, love my friends and relatives, admire my collection of matchboxes, cook delicious food, want sex with me no less and no more often than I want it with her, earn good money, but never get tired and never forget about your household chores. The number of children and the time of their establishment, determined by me, should suit her 100%, and, of course, she will educate and take care of them, I will connect when and if there is a mood and time. And yes, she must understand that at any moment I can have sex on the side, which I won’t even bother to really hide. But it is natural and designed by nature.”

And if all this is not realized (strange!), Yaroslavna’s song begins: “Ah, no one gives me, because I have little money.”

But these Yaroslavnas are aware, for example, what is wrong in the male ensemble: blue shirt + green pants + black socks + pink sneakers? Have they ever tried fricassé? Do they have skills in interior design? Are they ready to kneel in a public place and ask for a hand, because, even though it’s fucking stupid, but she dreamed about it all her life? If something went wrong at night, will they run to the pharmacy in the morning, blushing and turning pale, to buy an emergency contraceptive pill? Or do they even know what it is? And yes, it's all about the money.

And here I’ve been watching for a month now, as my boss, instead of lunch, chokes on chia seeds diluted in water in order to lose weight and finally find a girlfriend. His girlfriend has not yet appeared, he is not worthy yet. But he doesn't give up. His gym pass dangles instead of a key fob on his Lexus keys. Maybe someone will come down to it soon.

And it is also very unusual that I have never, anywhere, even in passing, heard men speak badly about women. In general, not only their own. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about Russians. You yourself now in the comments confirm the correctness of my observation. Or will you refute?

My answer to the question "why so?" such. There is a saying here that a son should be raised to be a gentleman, and a daughter should be taught not to settle for less. And it does seem to work. Or would you wish this on your children? I think it's a matter of education. Or in what?

To begin with, try to write down on a piece of paper a generalized image of your compatriot, list national features.

Just don’t write “drinker, swearing, smoking, lazy”, etc. All this lies on the surface. And the press and TV stubbornly impose just such an image on us.

Yes, there are many who drink and who are unreliable in life. But there are others. Among our compatriots there are enough kind and hardworking, smart and purposeful.

Therefore, a generalized portrait will not work for us. Everything will be approx. So it is with foreign men. We have already written on the site intdtae.ru about the features of representatives of some nationalities. But they should not be taken literally.

There are stereotypes about the national characteristics of the Germans, French, Norwegians, who roam the pages of newspapers and magazines. If German, he likes beer and is rude. If French, then ladies' man. The Norwegian and the Swede are "hot Scandinavian guys". Read articles on these topics in the relevant section on.

Any woman living in a happy marriage with a German, French or Scandinavian will refute such claims.

The same can be said about the mentality of the Americans - you can't talk about it in general terms. I will try to describe briefly four Americans I know. All of them are married to our women, who have different ages and levels of education.

1. A native of a very poor family.

Studied, worked, studied, worked. He married at the age of 38, when he was able to earn both a good house and a comfortable existence for his future family. Well educated, holds one of the leading positions in a well-known corporation. Works 10-12 hours a day. No one from management works there anymore.

In his free time, he grows tomatoes, fiddling with various tools in the garden and in the garage. He loves to do everything with his own hands. So he rests. He loves his wife and two children. During the hurricane, Ike once again impressed his wife with courage and ingenuity.

2. A doctor with a high salary.

All in work, but finds time to flirt and ... received a warning about this at work. He loves his son, gives his wife expensive gifts, but is very quick-tempered, overestimated conceit, selfish.

3. There is no higher education, but there is a business.

After a divorce from his first wife, he focused his attention on children. They lived with their father more often than with their mother. Now they are students. Father pays for everything. Married to a young woman. At first I didn't want children. But the young wife presented an ultimatum. Now they have a beautiful daughter. Dad tries to spend as much time with her as possible.

His wife has a great sense of humor, and they solve many controversial issues with the help of humor. The man does charity work. On his father's side, he has Slavic roots.

4. Geneticist.

Before marriage, he had one illegitimate child. Financially supports him now. Married to our capricious compatriot, he has two children, who for him constitute the happiness of life. He is very patient with his quarrelsome wife, loves her and is grateful to her for wonderful children.

I can continue with examples: a driver, a bank clerk, a highly skilled worker, a businessman. These are all foreign husbands with whom our compatriots met through websites or international dating agencies.

And I'll tell you about them too.

Each of the mentioned American men has some flaws that annoy or anger their wives. But we will find precisely such shortcomings in a German, and in a Frenchman, in a Russian or Ukrainian.
All of them are men.

If you love a person, you will try to accept him for who he is. We must remember the wise words: “The person who is next to you is no better and no worse than you. He's just different." Remember these words and remember them in difficult situations. And then the nationality of the foreign fiance will not be so important.

Why do Russian girls marry US citizens!?” - some Russian men are indignant, looking at the happy eyes of their compatriots who have found female happiness on another continent.

It is quite understandable when in the “dashing 90s” people immigrated with their families to the USA, Canada and Western Europe. Girls "fled" from unemployment and lack of money in the hope of finding a "better life" in marriage with a foreigner.

But what is happening now? Why, in our more stable times, when Russian women are successfully realized in the profession, business, science, are they ready to give up everything and go to distant countries for personal happiness?

Many people, including women, and lonely ones, begin to inspire these “unfortunate and crazy adventurers” what difficulties await them in a foreign land, that no one needs them there, that abandoning their acquired property and career is complete recklessness! And they bring their lonely girlfriends an “iron” argument, proven by generations “where you were born, it came in handy!” And to my personal regret, some women listen to the advice of “well-wishers” and, accepting their arguments as logical, continue to while away their lonely evenings, corresponding on dating sites with an endless string of men exercising their eloquence and diligently portraying a sense of humor, actively passing to unequivocal allusions to the possible continuation of their interesting communication in a more private setting. From all this, women with a sense of their own dignity, there is a feeling of disappointment and annoyance for the time spent not “on this and not on those”. And they continue to live according to the scheme: "home - work - home", sometimes making trips to restaurants with girlfriends, where, in the depths of their tender hearts, there is still a hope to meet a "worthy and serious" man. However, in the restaurant they meet only married couples, married men and just like them - beautiful and single women in anticipation of their happiness.

Years go by, but nothing fundamentally changes, except that sometimes a married unknown man or a colleague who already has a family appears on their life horizon, to whom they turn their attention, due to the fact that usually married men are well-groomed, successful and self-confident . And if a man does not have high moral principles, a couple has an affair that “takes” a few more years of a young woman’s life before she realizes the futility of such a relationship.

That's when the woman begins to look around and realizes that the age is already quite mature, and there are not so many free serious men who are focused on creating a family and taking responsibility for the family! Considering the fact that in Russia the ratio of men and women is very uneven - there are 12 million more women than men, it becomes quite sad. At the same time, some of these men are very young, some are “in an eternal search for themselves” and it is still “too early for them to think about a family”, someone, unfortunately, has addictions, vices and a narrow circle of interests ... well, someone safely and happily married!

Of course, there are free, successful men in Russia who are good-looking, educated, have a broad outlook, BUT! For such a number of free men, there is a colossal number of worthy, young, dazzlingly attractive, and ready to "throw into their arms" women!

There is one significant nuance in this situation - such men realize the importance of the family in later years, and strive to choose “the very best and only” from the vast choice that our reality provides him.

What should women do? Women who are successful, educated and want to share their lives with a worthy man?

There are two options: to live in the hope that Fate will still find her on her next business trip, and she will meet her Only One. Or expand their capabilities and consider as a husband - a man from another country. In particular, the neighboring continent is the USA.

Why am I citing as an example? Because I myself have been married to an American for 5 years already and I can explain to you from personal and professional experience why some women want to marry Americans. For some, an American husband becomes just a panacea, they dream of marrying a US citizen and going to live in America!

The American man cannot be considered statistically and stereotyped. The country - the USA is inhabited by 347 million people, which is almost twice the size of the Russian population.

The inhabitants of the USA are a mix of different nations, cultures and traditions. The US man is a blue-eyed blond with a large build in a sweatshirt, baseball cap and eating a hamburger, washing it down with a Coke. This is a very common stereotype about US men (although such people also exist). In fact, a typical American is a person born as a result of the immigration of parents from China, Korea, India, Iran, Slovenia, Croatia, Bulgaria, Western Europe, the Island States (Caribbean, Jamaica, Africa) and other countries of our planet. Accordingly, in many of these countries the concept of the Family is something fundamental, unshakable and is the most important value for them, in addition to career and education.

Therefore, living and being citizens of the United States, not speaking their native language, they carry their own traditions, where the Family is a cult!

Therefore, in New York, a large number of Slavic women from Russia and Ukraine marry Americans of Asian, Indian, Iranian origin. They acquire those family values ​​that they could not find in their homeland.

Indeed, one of the reasons why Russian women marry Americans is their responsible attitude towards creating a family. A family for a man from the USA is the foundation, the foundation of everything!

• Responsible approach to creating a family. They marry when they realize that they are ready to spend their whole lives with one woman.

• Religiosity of Americans. Most Americans believe in God and don't support the easy divorce philosophy. Therefore, if problems occur in a marriage, people understand the importance of preserving the family and often turn to family psychologists to resort to seeing the situation from a third, independent side.

• Division of housework. American men willingly help their wives with household chores and childcare. Especially if the woman also works and invests in the general family budget. They consider this distribution of forces in the family quite fair.

• US men respect a woman's right to leisure and personal interests other than family. An American husband willingly takes on some of his wife's worries if he understands that she needs rest or her own fulfillment.

• The American mentality also implies that a man is the head of the family, and the lion's share of men's responsibilities lies with him. In the United States, a large proportion of housewives is engaged in the arrangement of life and the upbringing of children. The American husband realizes that he is an example for his children, so he tries to show his best qualities to inspire his children and instill in them the basic important moral principles that he considers necessary to instill in his child. Americans consider it their duty to devote time to the child and spend the weekend with him. That is why on playgrounds, along with mothers, you can see a huge number of fathers walking with children.

• American men are less attached to the appearance of a woman, but more to her personality, her actions in life, her achievements. US men are able to appreciate and admire the willpower of a woman, her kindness, mercy and diligence. They listen to the opinion of their wife, make major decisions in agreement with their spouse. Moreover, returning to the issue of their faith in God, Americans believe that the basic principle of marriage is fidelity. Therefore, there are a lot of couples who live together until old age.

• American men are grateful to their wives for taking care of them. It is for this reason that the marriage of a Russian woman with a man from the United States is very promising. A Russian woman has a huge potential for caring for her husband and family, and an American man has a natural reciprocal gratitude towards her for a good sincere attitude!

Over the years of its work, the Happy Life Marriage Agency has already helped many of our compatriots to find personal happiness in marriage with a foreigner. Let's be honest, some of them at first doubted the prospects of these relationships and did not believe that this happens when love, care and respect in a couple are mutual.

We wish all single women who have not yet met their only and dear man to expand their opportunities and not be limited to "the next street, district or even city." The world is huge, and your soul mate is probably somewhere and is looking for you! Learn languages, communicate, be open to the World and your happiness will not be long in coming. We know this 100%. Read

Once I met a friend, and she complains to me about American guys. He says that they are eternal children, they do not want to take responsibility, you will not wait for flowers. But at home they give flowers right and left!

Well, firstly, even at home, flowers are not given so often. The cost of bouquets is almost the same as in the USA. And secondly, it always seemed to me that American guys, on the contrary, grow up earlier. That is why I will tell you about my understanding of what they are, American men.

They grow up differently. Exactly differently. This is directly proportional to your outlook. For example, for me, a man matures when he starts earning money, learns to manage his time, finances, and so on. That is, he must first take responsibility for his life, learn how to cope with it correctly, then he will be able to become a successful husband.

The presence of such interests as playing consoles, hanging out at the computer and street football with the guys, I consider absolutely normal. But for my girlfriend, this is childish. In any case, each personality develops at its own pace, but guys in America definitely start working earlier: from the age of 15-16, everyone already earns extra money on weekends in coffee shops and supermarkets. I want to note that parents rarely get into the life of their son, showing him what his future should be.

Less dependent on bad habits. Due to so many factors (habits, culture, the fact that everyone in the US spends a lot of time behind the wheel), Americans drink much less. The same is true with smoking. In the US, a much smaller number of guys suffer from tobacco addiction than in Ukraine or Russia. And I really like this.

Of course, drugs are very available here, and they sometimes abuse it, but fewer people drive drunk. I would also like to note that in prestigious companies, management does not want to have smokers among employees, since they spend most of their work on smoke breaks, and their efficiency decreases.

For the average American man, a Russian girl is often the subject of ridicule for how much alcohol she can drink at a time. But I don’t consider it a matter of pride - I’m just glad that Americans are like that. And by the way, if a guy is told that he cannot drink and smoke for 2 weeks before the tests, this will not be a problem for him. Indeed, even if they have these bad habits, they are much less attached to them.

Take good care of yourself. Going to the gym, doing yoga, switching to a vegan diet - it's all very common for an American guy. Taking care of yourself is a hobby for many. I even sometimes say “he is so handsome that he is already beautiful”, but this is in case of a bust! And there's a lot of that too. AT in any case, they take better care of their health than my dad, brother and all the other men in Ukraine that I I know. Regular visits to doctors, routine blood tests, regular workouts - this is always present in the diary of local men.

Good at keeping track of money. When I tell someone about it, they immediately answer me that they rednecks. Yes, sometimes for our generous Slavic soul it seems redneck. American boys they are in no hurry to pay for a girl on a date, buy expensive gifts, squander money and buy unnecessary things. They begin to monitor their budget from an early age, since in the United States parents rarely pamper their children with attention.

They are not in a hurry to start a family. Getting married before thirty is generally considered a bit of a hasty act in the States. Precisely because guys study for a long time: school, then college, university, work ... Only by the age of thirty do Americans get more or less into the rut of life. And when they feel confident, then they create family ties. There is no cliché here about when a guy should get married or have kids. There is no "too old" or "too young" for that. About how men behave in the family, I propose to look in more detail in the video.

Of course, I do not claim to be a connoisseur of absolute truth - this is just my opinion. The article and the attached video are my observations, which have been formed in the course of cooperation and friendship with the American guys!

Thank you for your attention, Laura.

Nia tells how to behave in a serious relationship with American men by her own example. Very l.

Nai's story

Usually I do not discuss my personal life on forums or on the Internet, but here I just get curiosity (sorry for my jargon), I want to discuss it.

I started a relationship with an American in November. We met in the States when I was in his city. In general, there are a lot of lyrics in this story, fate simply turned us in an incredible way towards each other. 3 failed relationship attempts didn't make me any more realistic. But, I still remain dreamy and naive: I dreamed about him in a new place even before I met him, and on the first day when we met, a spark flared up between us.

He himself is from a small town, served in the army, but at the same time an incredibly sensitive, attentive, gentle and responsible person. I was only 3 days in his city, we kissed on the second evening, and could hardly restrain ourselves not to go further, because. the circumstances were not the best.

On the third evening, these circumstances did not change, but I really, really wanted to be in bed with him. I hinted at it, but he said that "I deserve to have the first night in the right place at the right time, under the right circumstances." This phrase struck me to the core, because the guy really meant it! Yes, I don’t have much experience in life, but I’m already so used to cynical Moscow men that from such a phrase I already began to believe in something bright. And as it turned out, not in vain.

We decided to try a relationship at a distance, besides, even then I began to feel that he was becoming an impulse for me to move to the States (I won the GC last year, all the deadlines were met, just the last push was not enough). And I told him this, he also began to tune in to it.

Every day we talked (and continue) on Skype, for 2-3 hours a day. Very quivering, interesting and remarkably everything developed. For Christmas, I was supposed to go to friends in Europe, and my mother said: “why don’t you meet in Europe and celebrate the New Year together?”

The idea was wonderful, I was inspired immensely, and decided to offer it to my dear. He was shocked by the offer, he thought for a day, but the next day he said: “Yes, I will come!”. To cut a long story short, the week was just incredible - I really saw in him qualities of a man that I thought I would never see again.

After this trip, I made a final decision: in March I'm moving to Chicago, he lives only 1.5 hours away from him. I'm going to Chicago because he's still studying and doesn't work, even though he has savings. And I need to think about my self-realization.

And finally, I got to the topic that I wanted to discuss - once a month ago, my friend, who lived for a whole year in the States, said this phrase: “as soon as you study, he owes you, he is on your hook "(She is a sociologist, not cynical and not bitchy, if anything!) I am not one of those people who use a man for their own purposes, I have my own values, I want a normal and healthy relationship. But the phrase is relevant.

So, the situation: for a week now, the beloved has not said anything about his trip to Chicago for reconnaissance, although he was going to do it for a long time. He promised that he would look after apartments, districts, so that later he would tell me everything (I will pay for the apartment myself, although I know that he will even help). I am a well-mannered girl, I didn’t remind him, I didn’t want to put pressure, so I waited for him to mature. But everything did not mature.

And then I finally decided to ask, but I started from afar. I had to gather all my will into a fist to finally ask him (here I should probably add that I grew up in the land of the rising sun, and I have an increased sense of shame).

He understood how difficult it was for me to do this, and even jokingly said: “Naya, repeat after me - when-you-get-to-go-to-Chicago-to-learn-about-everything.” I repeated after him, he was at a loss: “I actually kissed your feet, and you are embarrassed to tell me what I should do?”

And then this phrase of my girlfriend surfaced in my head. To be honest, my beloved is now opening America to me with his attitude to a woman, to relationships themselves and to life. I kind of travel around the world, talked a lot, but somehow ... even scary! I can't just relax and fully trust, because past experiences have been deplorable, and I have almost stopped believing in such miracles. What do you think?

A few comments

Olga: In any case, the decision is yours! The mentality is different, but in any case, you decide what you want! Love and be happy, no one can give you good advice! A tiny piece of advice from me: remember about realism, at least sometimes.

Sofia: Yes, these Americans are strange: another planet!

Naya: Thank you very much, there was a moment of weakness and excessive anxiety about everything in the world. I will try to just live this day, enjoy and appreciate what life gives. Thank you very much for your attention and comments.

What do you think of this story? Is Naya doing everything right? Will there be a happy ending or will everything end in disappointment for her again?