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Attitude towards parents in Orthodoxy. Commandments about the worship of the parents: Return a non-payment

The bottom of the Ten Commandments requires that we read the Father and Mother, and contains the promise of a long and prosperous life (Ex. 20:12). The word "read" means "Reliable respect, appreciate." It is not difficult to fulfill this commandment if parents show a sample of pious life. But how to respect those parents who seem to do not deserve this respect?

Many parents behave irresponsibly. They spend a lot of money and climb into terrible debts. They do not think about the future and then find themselves in such a situation when they have no money even on the essentials. Many fathers are admitted to alcohol, drugs, gambling. Many mothers are too wasteful. Often, father or mother leaves the family and lives with another person you do not respect and do not love. Perhaps parents showed to you (and your brothers or sisters) cruelty when you were still a child, and never repent of it.

All of the above puts, it seems, irresistible obstacles to to read their parents. However, if we are Christians, then under any circumstances to perform a "commandment about parents." At the same time, it is necessary to avoid erroneous ideas about this command.

Do not silence when your parents behave destructively.Parents read - does not mean humbly accept their wrong lifestyle. If you really read someone, then appreciate this person and want it the best. And if you wish the best, you will not be silent, seeing that it moves in the wrong direction. If you are with love to indicate parents on their mistakes, then you laid the foundation for the right and long-term relationships with them. Only in this case you will have a chance to bring them to positive changes.

Pointing for mistakes, be respectful and kept. Help to parents does not mean that we should not join them into conflict. We are obliged to tell them the truth. But it is not necessary, for example, to pounce on them with angry reproaches, pouring pain accumulated over many years. Although it is difficult to restrain emotions, you should control yourself. It is important to choose the right tone and the appropriate time. It is best to talk alone, and not in the presence of others. Your goal is not just to speak, but to convince the parents that you want to establish a relationship with them, and that for this they need to understand what kind of words or actions are destroyed by these relationships. Do not try to threaten, manipulate, indicate what to do. Just explain to them that you feel how they are reflected in their bad behavior, and what all this can lead.

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Do all that is possible on your part. You have a complete right not to allow parents to insult you and members of your family, do not give them money for the wrong use of them, do not let them into the house in a state of narcotic effects or alcohol intoxication. You also have a complete right to ask parents to leave if they violate the borders installed in your family, rules disrespectfully refer to the methods of upbringing your children, etc. On the other hand, there are a number of things you can and should do: attend parents (even if your home is temporarily closed for them) - use for this holidays, every convenient case; If you do not give money, help the products and things of essentials; Make them well, not allowing to devoid influence your family.

So, the reverence of parents does not require a humble silence from us in response to their destructive behavior, indulgence of their sins. Parents read - does not mean allowing them to wipe the legs about us, allow them to behave, as they do, at home. It is only about to show respect for them even at the time of conflict and sincerely wish them good. Often it is precisely a constructive conflict that can ultimately benefit them and create a foundation for the right and long-term relationships with you.

Nature of this Mitzvah

Responsibility to respect and read the Father and Mother - the basis of the Jewish tradition. It closes the first five of the ten commandments, located on the first of two syrigations and dedicated to the relationship between man and the Creator, and not in the last five commandments that legitimize the relationship between people. From here, the wise men say, we learn that the reverence of parents is comparable to the veneration of the B-ha.
Respect for the parents is due to the most respect for the Almighty also because the Torah considers G-hectares and parents as partners in creating a child (because the Creator gives a child a soul, and the parents are flesh: he gives a spiritual principle, and they are his material tool). So respect for parents is equal to the reverence of Gd. "Three say [in the creation] of a person: Gd, Father and Mother.
When he honors his father and mother, says Gd:
It's as if I stay among them, and they worship me. "
A child in debt in front of his parents, physically and spiritually. Parents give life and transmit the legacy of the Torah to their children. So they become a bond of a child with a b-cable-venous source of revelation.
In short, parents are the roots of the physical and spiritual existence of a child. That is why the child is commanded to respect them and read.
Thanks
In the heart of the commandment to read and respect the parents - the feeling of gratitude to the child for their participation is that he was born, for their love, care and the sacrifice they show so that he grows. In other words, the child must learn to be aware of the good, which he receives from his parents to properly provide them with respect and honor.
Over time, this ability to be grateful will develop in the gratitude of the BT.
It is believed that he (child) gives them all sorts of respect and did any work for them. Because they led him to this world and worked hard for him during his childhood. When a person gained this quality, he will be able to rise to thanks for all the benefits that the Most High, the cause of his being and the reason for the existence of his forehead to Adam.
So, to teach a child to feel and express your gratitude to parents - this is the basis of not only respect and honor towards them, but also love for the BT, which is the essence of religious life. That's why "Gakarat" Gold - a sense of gratitude, the ability to see and remember the good made for you and be grateful for him - it is emphasized in Jewish morality. And this attaches a special importance of parents' duties to encourage children to fulfill Mitzvah respect and honor.
Difficulties
This does not mean that it is easy to teach thanks. Little children naturally focused on themselves, and it is difficult to bring the efforts of parents to their consciousness. From the earliest years, children get used to rejoice in everything that comes from their parents and their devotion, they perceive it as something natural and granted. They often cannot assess how much their parents suffer from them. Gradually, children lose a sense of gratitude, which can motivate their respect for parents.
And even if children are aware of how much their parents are doing for them, they can attribute it to just parental instincts and on this basis to deny their real devotion and sacrifice, considering themselves completely free from the obligation to feel gratitude to them and carry all the responsibility that of this stems.
In addition, all children have the desire to be free necessary for their development. Therefore, many children can perceive the efforts of parents aimed at their upbringing, as an attempt to rule over them. And as a result, the authority of the parents can cause indignation and even resistance. Children are often difficult to take restrictions and demands of their parents.
Considering how difficult it is to teach children to respect and read the parents, it is especially important to emphasize that we demand this for the sake of their good and benefit. That is, we must try not to annoy them and not hurt their feelings when children do not give us due respect or refuse to obey us. We want in the focus of our attention was the benefit of the child, and not our own feelings.
Therefore, discussing their disrespectful behavior with the child, parents should be attentive to not to create the impression that we simply force them to respect themselves for ourselves. One way to avoid such an impression is to tell a child about his disrespectful attitude towards another parent. The same reception is worth using, demanding apologize. For example, Dad can gently tell her son: "Go to my mother, apologize to her and ask her for forgiveness."
It is also important to remember that there is mutual responsibility in respect and reverence of parents. If children must respect and read, then parents are required to create an atmosphere when to do it will be easy. Parents are forbidden to overload children, otherwise they will be difficult to respect them and read. Parents should easily forgive, and sometimes not pay attention to child disrespect. So teaches the main arch of the Jewish law, Shulkhan Aruch.
It is impossible to impose parents on children too heavy yarm, waiting for them too much with respect to us so that it is not a stumbling block for them. It is better to forgive them and cover your eyes, because the Father has the right to not demand respect.
Rabi Arie Liebe, the eldest son of the famous Hofets Haima, talks about the father's approach to the upbringing of his children: "We almost did not need to show respect for our parents ... Rather, the father treated us as a friend or brother." Parents who do not show that appropriate respect for their children create a strong obstacle to the children to respe them. And parents who sufficiently show respect for children and honor the road for their children so that they performed the Mitzvah reverence and respect for their parents. The atmosphere in the house is very important. Imitation of constant examples of behavior - will always be the most influential form of education.
Of course, the relationship of parents to each other also serve as a model. Husband with his wife will certainly have to talk to each other respectfully. This is Mitzva itself. But besides this, the sample, the standard of behavior in the family. Apparent comments, criticism, screams, piercing, breaking in a conversation and other forms of disrespect between parents, as a rule, are reflected in the behavior of their children. Children are usually very observant and learn, imitating, so it is better to provide them with something worthy to imitate.
Although the disagreement of parents in matters of education - the phenomenon is quite normal, it is not for children's ears. In general, one of the parents should never criticize the action of another parent in the process of solving a disciplinary or any other problem in the presence of children. All disagreements on these issues should be discussed without them.
Spouses are partners in the process of upbringing and must be in contact all the time on these issues, supporting each other.

Definition of Mitzvah

Mitzvah Respect and Worship Parents is based on two statements of the Torah:
1. Relie your father and mother ...
2. Fear every mother and your father ...
So Talmud clarifies respect and respect, reverence ("fear"):
We taught our teachers: what is respect and what is the respect? Help means that the [Son] should not stand nor sit on his [Father], nor contradict him words nor evaluate his opinions.
And respect means that he should give him food and drink, clothes and shelter, and accompany him when he enters and comes out *.
* You should not pay attention to the fact that in other places it is said in male genus. The duty to respect and read the parents to equally lies on the daughters, and the mothers are relying the same respect and honor that the fathers. Mishna (Jewish law) displays this from the above words of Torah.
The said should be understood as not as a rigid definition, but as a clear example. Respect and honor is a position, attitude, and what has been said above is the manifestation of this relationship. These are reflected inner feeling. Of course, the examples given by the Talmud are full of deep meaning, but the correct execution of these commandments requires much more. All these obligations are too numerous so that they can be listed, and their discussion is too long. " Our wise men consider that there is no respect for respect and reveranging the parents.
We need to limit ourselves to the limits of the aspects of Mitsva, with whom parents should be familiar to teach her their children.
What is revered?
West (fear) mainly means that children understand the sublime position of parents and their dignity and try to never dishonor them in any way. Mitsva Revision demands from a child to perceive his parents as a "king and queen" with which you need to be very careful not to hurt their feelings.

Talachic authorities indicate several respects of reverections:
1. Don't take the place of parents. The child should not stand or sit in place, which usually occupies his parents, both in the house and outside it, for example, in the synagogue.
2. Do not contradict the words of parents. The child should not argue with his parents, even discussing Torah or in the usual conversation. This applies only to direct contradictory statements; Children are allowed to challenge the opinion of parents on general issues, such as the laws of the Torah. It is allowed to nominate objections against the position of parents until it violates respect. For example, if the father says that on Saturday is allowed to read the newspaper, the son cannot say that it is prohibited. But he can quote other opinions.
Even if the child was accused of vain, he has no right to respond to parents: "This is not true." Rather, he must try to clarify the truth without entering the contradiction, for example: "I can explain how it was."
3. Do not evaluate the opinion of parents. If parents with someone do not agree, children do not have the right to take the opinion of one of the parties. They are not allowed to even express the approval of the position of their father: "My father is right." It is arrogant and arrogant if the children put themselves with judges of their parents.
4. Not to call parents by name. Children can not be called parents by name. But if someone asks:
"Do you whose son?" Is allowed to name the name of the Father. Children can also write the name of parents.
5. Do not wake parents. Children are usually forbidden to wake parents. But if a child knows that now the father would like to be awakened, for example, to avoid financial losses, then wake him up - Mitzva. And also children should be aged parents when it is necessary for the fulfillment of Mitzvah, for example, to catch a prayer in the synagogue.
Torah warns that anyone who at least in the least refers to the contempt for their parents will be cursed. So tells Rambam:
Anyone who expresses contempt for their father or mother, even in a word or gesture, cursed from the mouth of Gd.
This category includes those who caused parents of suffering and misfortune.
What is respect?
The essence of respect is that children have a high opinion of their parents and consider them as people of great dignity and importance. Respect is expressed in thoughts, words and actions. First of all, this obliges children to serve parents, as it should be guessed to people worthy and important. They should be attentive to their needs and provide them with comprehensive assistance, as servant serving his owner.
The duty to take care of the basic needs of your parents remains even if they openly do not ask. For example, if a child knows that his mother wants to drink, he must bring her water. But if this is not one of the basic needs, it should be done only if they ask about it right.
From the above definition that Talmud gives respect, we see that it also includes the satisfaction of the physical needs of parents, such as nutrition, drinking and clothing, and symbolic manifestation of attention, such as Mitsva, to accomplish parents when they enter and go out.
This is how the Talmud says that the character of this ministry says:
Rabi Shimon Ben Gamliel said: "I kept my father my life, but did not reach the hundredth of that respect, which was provided by IC-Haku Eysav. Because I served him in dirty clothes, and when I was going on my business, changed in clean Clothes, and Eisav was always dressed in a royal one when I served my father. "
It is clear that true respect goes beyond the limits of purely physical actions for servicing their parents. It is important to still do this in a fit, with the desire, care and mind.
Obedience
Although there is no general approval about the need for submission, but undoubtedly it is an integral part of respect and reverence. A naughty child who directly contradicts the pronounced will of his parents or refuses to do what they ask, causing disrespect and therefore violates the commandment about the worship: "If the Son does not listen to his father, it is still that he contradicts him." And there is an opinion that the fear of breaking the will of his parents is part of the reverence.
On the other hand, much that parents are asked to make their children, for example, to help in a household or go somewhere, this ministry from which parents benefit benefit, and such submission is a form of respect. Rabi Akiva Eiger indicates that even when it comes not about the personal service, give parents a sense of satisfaction that their desire is fulfilled - this is the implementation of Mitzvi to respect parents.

Training this commandment

If children should properly show respect and respect for their parents, they need to teach them the laws of execution of this commandment. Ideally, the child must learn this at school. Regardless of how parents emphasize their care for the child and how objectively they are objective, children may still consider that they require respect and respect exclusively from egoistic considerations. Parents will always be inconvenient to say: "That's how I should treat." So things are easier to train outsiders.
However, parents must explain aspects of any Mitzvah without any oscillations if they feel it is necessary.
Education reading
Parents must learn to show respect for even the youngest children. This is important not only for the relationship between parents and children, but also to develop the right attitude of children to others. Communicating with mother and father, the child learns to behave with all people. Moreover, if parents allow children while they are small, get bad habits, then change them when they become adults can be very hard.
But no matter how we tried to be a worthy example, showing respect for our children, in relation to us they will still sometimes behave disrespectful. Unfortunately, the environment provides them with too many examples of incorrect behavior. And besides, each child is sometimes dissatisfied with his parents who have banned or told something to do something that he does not like. In such cases, he may not be disrespectful.
If we want to effectively cope with such behavior, we need to learn how to see this situation objectively. This means that you need to stop responding to it with anger ("How do you dare to talk to me so much!"), Offended ("How terrible that my own son So I turn to me! ") Or a sense of guilt (" What I guessed that my child shows such disrespect for me! ") Instead, we must think about the good of the child:
"This behavior is bad for my child. You need to understand how to resolve this problem." However, the senses of parents will not necessarily be completely neutral. Sometimes you need to show that the child did it unpleasantly, and that is enough to cause him regret. Maybe it is sufficient to gently call it by name with a slight disappointment in the face. Or calmly tell him (just do not do it often) that you are bad because of his words, and this can also have a good influence on it.
For a small child, it is usually quite easy to reproach, pronounced calmly and with love.
Taking a child's handle in his hand, you can just say:
"Does not rely so to talk with dad (or mom)."
Little children can sometimes knock out their mom. Usually, children just play or check the mother's reaction; And sometimes it can be an expression of anger. But Whatever the cause of children's wrath, it cannot be allowed. And it is impossible to knock the child in response too (even just showing that the mother feels), you just need to calmly tell the child "no", lifting your finger to emphasize it. And if he continues, it is necessary to react more hard. Take the child by hand or turn his face and strictly, very seriously tell me: "To you it is impossible beat your mother. "Usually, after that, the children have not repeated such things for a long time.
And with an older child who behaves disrespectful, effectively to ignore it. Suppose your child is suitable and demanding says: "Why don't I have clean socks?" We do not react, but turn and deal with others. But if the child continues about socks, you can answer him calmly: "You know why I don't answer you? Maybe you do not understand, but you speak disrespectful. You can not complain about parents in this way. Now, if you need clean socks And in the box they will not be, how do you come and ask about it politely? " (If you have not responded to the previous time, you can say: "Last time I did not fix you, but since that time I will point you to do it.")
Also on a child who screams to parents, at the first moment should not be reacting. When he calms down a little, his parents can say, paying attention to not to raise voices: "I understand that you were upset, but you know that you can not shout at me. You can say that you are upset and you It bothers, but talk to me calmly. "
Pay special attention to the fact that you should not be justified and put forward any explanation when the child complains you disrespectfully. Parents are often forgotten in such cases and begin to argue with the child. They do not realize that not paying attention to their disrespect, they are therefore sanctioning it. To behave like effective teachers, we must leave the topic for a while that the child will raise, and first stop at disrespect. For example, the child can complain during the meal: "You always give him the first!" And here you can answer: "I see you are dissatisfied, but you can't talk to me. What should you say instead? - (Pause): Mom, could you sometimes give me the first?" And the youngest may begin to grumble: "Why parents (such a boy) allow him to buy what he wants when he goes to the store, and you don't let me?" The first reaction of the parents should not be self-defense, such as explanations "so accepted in our house." Instead, they must calmly tell the child that it is impossible to complain about the decision of the parents. Explanations and comparisons are visible only after the topic of disrespectful speech is raised. Children can ask about something, but not at the time when they say that parents do wrong.
And do not descend the children of such careless remarks towards you: "Okay, okay, already heard."
One of the mothers describes the effect that produced the disrespectful attitude of its eleven-year-old girl what she learned strictly, but with love to correct her.

Esther became all impudent and naked. She talked to me, as if I was also a child or even worse, as if I could simply not take into account. She complained about my cooking, on the fact that I asked her to help at home or remove in her room, - on everything. Once I hit her hard, after which I felt just awful. I was unpleasant next to her be. At our weekly group meeting, I was told me that I should take her hand and say something like: "You have a very bad habit of talking to dad and with me in a unkind and disrespectful style. I know you can control yourself. I'm sure you don't like to be like that. " And it really worked - especially what I kept her hand. On Esther, it was very influenced. She began to apologize. She told me that he knew that he behaved wrong, but "just could not do anything with him." And I began to assure her that although it is difficult, she may well learn to control themselves. To do this, you only need to change this bad habit. Esther was really grieved. And before that, when I screamed, she just screamed in response and behaved even worse.

When children are learned by respect, they are often upset and regret that they have previously behaved wrong. In such cases, the reprimands and comments are not needed. It is enough to say to the child: "I know you are distressed that I was talking to me." The more the children are aware of their disrespectful behavior, the more often they themselves begin to say that they regret how they behaved before.
Sometimes parents involuntarily enhance the problem of disrespect when they argue with the child who contradicts them. Remember that children can not directly contradict their parents. It is necessary to be very careful not to encourage their further violation. For example, if the child responds to the fact that parents said: "not true." It cannot be treated here, allowing disagreement to grow into a debate, where parents and children take turns protect their positions. Often the best way to resolve the situation is a pause without any response. And if you immediately correct the child, saying to him: "You contradict me," it most likely can lead to a feeling of resentment.
Better later, when the self-defense response completely dismisses, correct the child for disagreement with us. And it should be done with love, without the shade of criticism or revenge. This is an opportunity to form disagreement of children's expression. Father can explain: "That's how you can say if you think that I said wrong:" Dad, you said that aunt Rivka will arrive on Monday. And I think I heard, she said that he would come on Tuesday. "
Remember that the main thing, correcting the disrespectful attitude of the child, speak quietly and calmly. So we express our love and care, and this is our most powerful weapon in changing child behavior.
But if the disrespectful behavior of the child is becoming more serious or constant, maybe you need to resort to punishment (see chapter 5, "punishment for disrespect").
Teaching respect
Parents must provide children with opportunities and encourage them to do something for them. They should not hesitate, whether to ask for a child to bring them, for example, a glass of water or go to do some kind of instruction. Well, when the Father asks the child to do something for the mother, and vice versa. So, mother can say: "Please take a glass of tea that I prepared him."
The natural opportunity to train children in compliance with this Mitsva is regularly provided during meals. The calm Saturday meal is especially suitable for this. We recently were visiting the house where there were two young children, a boy of four years old and a girl of six years old, and throughout the entire evening Saturday meal with pride and joy served food, without visible help of the mother. Most of all made the impression that the children had no need to talk about, they themselves did everything, including the cleaning of the dishes after each food change. Of course, to such a level of children it is necessary to bring, but the results achieved in the process of long-term preparation pay off all efforts made for this.
Learning obedience
As previously said, obedience is one of the aspects of Mitzvah respect and read parents. It is also an instrument that allows parents to train their children, helping them to gain the ability to control themselves, which is necessary to develop other positive character qualities. In the end, submission to parents teaches children to obey the Most High, and this is the basis of Jewish life.
But no matter how important the submission, he can not be trained by violence and coercion. Parents who just insist "you should To do this, "sooner or later I will inevitably face resistance. Although the law of the Torah and requires subordination from children, parents who rightfully require this from children - often reminding them of their debt, - only encourage them to resist them. Accordingly, constantly causing them Children obey strength, we inevitably give them to the dissolution.
How can we encourage children to obey? Rabi Simh Wasserman points out: "We cannot make people do what we want, but we can encourage people at least do what we want." This is the answer. We must focus our efforts to implement in children a wish We obey. But this desire to cooperation may occur only if the requirements of parents are based on love and care, sincere respect, patience and moderation.

Caring, full of love
Children immediately feel if parents require subordination for the sake of themselves. And then the child learns to put their interests in their first place too. But if parents succeeded in self-education, their first motivation becomes genuine concern for the child's well-being. And when children feel such care about themselves, full of love, it encourages them to obey us, simply because they know that it is for their good. Then they are confident in any case that any of our demand is in mind their interests, it is for them.

Sincere respect
Parents should relate to their children with the same respect that they want for themselves. Wise men teach: "Let the student's honor be the same way to you like your own." Rabi Shimshon Refael Tirsche explains that parents who demand from children of respect and subordination, but they themselves do not show respect for their children, make a mistake. "

PATIENCE
Sometimes the stubbornness of children is associated with an offense to the irritation that we show when they do not fulfill our desires. Learn to control your negative reactions - an important element for learning children obedience.
In particular, it helps to cause the child's desire to cooperate with us softness and tenderness of our voice. In the classical letter of Ramban to his son, the Ruban players, he writes: "Always speak with people, without increasing the voices," and explains that it prevents the emergence of anger. A soft voice soothes, creates a pacifying state in which the child is ready to perform what we ask. If we askfully, we also exhibit strength; It becomes clear that we keep under control and ourselves and the whole situation. Parents who work on themselves to learn how to lower the voice say that it produces a stunning effect on the behavior of their children. This is what one of the mothers says:
Now, when I use my new art in a conversation with my three-year-old son, I feel that in a much greater degree controlling the situation, because I can encourage him to do or not do exactly what I want. All that I need for this is to gently repeat my requirement (if necessary several times) and gradually it begins to obey.

Moderate requirements
Children do not like to do what parents want if those excessive requirements. Tasks to children should be given
thoughtfully, in reasonable limits. If they are controversial or too heavy, parents become dictators. Rabi Tirsche writes:
Never ask for children to do what is optional and no matter, and also do not deny them in a trivial and painless request. But if you give some kind of instruction, you must insist on his execution, and if you refused to request, do not infer for any pressure from the child ... Be careful with the word "no!" Let your child do (and has) all that you allow him, provided that it is not a threat to his physical or moral existence ...
The way we prohibit or allow, and the joy with which we give the child the freedom to do what he is pleased to show him that the prohibition and permission is not the expressions of mood and whim, the desire to rule or simply stubbornness, and the result of our serious reflection.
Children become stubborn and naughty when we impose unnecessary restrictions on them and impose the overestimated requirements. If we want children to become obedient, we must reduce our requirements. That is, we must learn to keep calm and not nervous because of each thing that happens not so, but otherwise. We must learn primarily to think about the well-being of children, and not about our immediate needs. When we gain more inner calm and cease to expect perfection, we will be able to not pay attention to many things. Then the need for so many restrictions for our children will disappear. And if we learn to speak quietly and gently, we will help themselves to keep calm.

GO TO THE END
According to the Council of Rabi Tirsch, when we ask about something of a child, we must be sure that it will do it, and when we refuse to do not, in our opinion, to give him, you need to stand on it, as if He tried to make us change your opinion. Sometimes there is a temptation to not pay attention to disobedience to avoid conflict. But it undermines our authority. For example, if we say to the child: "You can not get on the seats of buses," and it becomes all the same, and we ignore it, then so we teach it that we can not obey. If we want the child to perceive our words seriously, we should always go to the end.
We minimize our requirements not in order to allow more to allow, but to give these requirements more strength and meanings.
And finally, to effectively limit their children, we need to know what can be expected from them in accordance with their age and level of development. Parents who are insecrated in this should discuss issues with other, more experienced parents.

Start with infancy
Wise parents care that by the time when a child begins to crawl, there was no in the house within its reach of items that are easily fighting and represent danger to him. But sooner or later we must teach it that there are things with which he himself should cope.
We can not stop the child, simply telling him "can't" at least first. He must know what this word means. Best as soon as he goes to some prohibited subject, quickly approach and move the child to another part of the room. By doing this, tell him "it is impossible", seriously, but without a threat in a voice. And let him something else to distract him. But if he continues attempted to take this item, take it out of the room and tell me calmly: "Mom (dad) said" no ". Do not threaten, do not shout, do not frighten, do not beat the child. Calm and hard action - that's all that is required for this. The child just need to pick up for ten minutes to another part of the house or take it to the game before he returns where it was. The barrier for the child standing at the door is good to release it out, and at the same time he allows you to look after it. You can repeat this procedure several times, but if you keep patience and tranquility during this training period, the child will gradually learn to obey your "no".
Parents often think that children deliberately offer them disrespect. They notice the views that those are thrown on them, and on this basis come to the conclusion that children understand what they are doing. But most likely they just want to see the reaction of parents. And most importantly - constancy in circulation, then there will be no reason for such testing.
Naturally, we can expect any damage to our property while the child is still small. Our reaction at this point is critical. The expression of serious regret produces a deep impression on the child. It is better to say with a light sadness: "Papina Book of Torn - Now he cannot read it," or "The plate crashed - you have to buy a new one."
When you select some kind of forbidden, try to give him anything in return. Tell him: "This can not be played, but here is another toy."
Of course, if we are talking about real danger, then, teaching children to avoid it, you need to take urgent and significantly more decisive measures. Here are a sharp word and even correctly used physical punishment. For example, if a child who is just starting to walk, jumped out into the street, you can rush behind him with a cry "No!" And to give him good slaps. Whatever you feel, do not show your anger and fright, let the child sees only deep care of his safety. And when you already be on the sidewalk, you can say seriously and impressively: "Street is a dangerous place. Machines can make you hurt. Never do it."
Relatively easy to teach the child to stay away from hot objects. For the first time, when the child approaches something hot, take his handle and quickly and easily tap it with a hot surface, repeating: "Hot, hot, hot!" One or two such demonstrations usually enough so that the child began to retreat when he is told "hot!"
Another problem in training beginners to walk children - walks and exits for purchases. While the child is in the stroller, everything is in order. But as soon as he is taken out from there, he begins to go where the eyes look. It is often useless to call him. This situation requires decisive measures.
Mothers should take a child and put his hand on the stroller handle. If he still runs away, it is better to quietly put it on time back into the stroller. You can provide him with another chance of ten minutes. His crying should be completely ignored, with the exception of short appeals to him: "I am very sorry, but now you will have to sit in a stroller."
Similarly, it is absolutely no need to raise a voice or argue when the child does not want to go home from the park. To give a child time to get used to this thought, briefly warn it: "We must go home in a couple of minutes." And when time passed, tell the child a friendly tone: "Well, we already go." Raise it and take it or put in the stroller and go without further proceedings. He can shout and beat his legs, protesting, but do not let him affect you.

When a child refuses to obey
Parents should be attentive to ensuring not too sharply respond to children's "no". Little children often say it to cause shock's parents. The best avoiding any explanation and not try to cut your baby, instead, fully ignore the said, as if he did not say anything. For example, if you say to the child: "Well, let's go, it's time to swim", and he answers you "no", just start it to undress and put it in the bath.
Parents can greatly alleviate childhood, if they won't ask them: "Do you want (dinner) (dressed)?" You just need to start a daily routine and that's it. It also helps to be tactical. If your one-year-old child is busy while eating a necklace of popcorn, you can bring him a few balls on the table, and then pick them up when you give him a spoon. When a child becomes older and stops being distracted, you can try to prevent it in advance before interrupting his passionate activity.
When parents find confidence in their ability to cope with the child, they will stop panicing from his "no". They will keep their credibility, but calmly. (For more information about this in Chapter 3.)

How to develop a child with a habit of listening to?
When children start to walk normally, we expect more from them. And our methods to realize these expectations are more subtle. Now just say "no!" And bring the child to another room is no longer suitable. At this stage, the task of parents is to achieve complete obedience to children, without forcing them.
So that the child is accustomed to obey, he should provide the opportunity to do it on its own. Forcing the child to obey, we will teach it a little, this method must be left in extreme. For example, if the child eats all sorts of things, knowing that he was not allowed to take it, it is better not to take it immediately. A child can learn obedience only when he has a choice. Give him the opportunity to choose between the sausage and self-control. It can be deprived of this selection only if he re-violates our rules. But then he sometimes needs to give new opportunities to behave, as it should be. For example, you can say: "I put sweets back to the buffet. Let's see how you can control ourselves."

Deprivation of privileges
On the other hand, parents should not fluctuate, depriving the child privilege, if necessary. For example, a child who refused to perform some homework, suits the candy. He can say: "Take you when you fulfill my order." You can not allow the child and listen to music or go to a friend. Sometimes you have to resort to such measures, and they are very effective. This is how one of the mothers telling about it, who first shouted on his child, and then began to act more firmly and essentially.

We just finished there. Three-year-old Menaem threw out the remnants of fish from its plate to the floor. Other children took oranges and left the table. When Menachem went to take an orange, I decided that this was the right moment to try the "new method". "When you raise fish from the floor, Menahm, you can take an orange," I said, closing the refrigerator. Menachem looked at me testing, went to the refrigerator, opened it and pulled out an orange. "When you raise your fish, you can take an orange," I repeated, taking orange from him. I decided that I would keep calm and I will not shout on him or pick up myself, as I did before. Another attempt by Menachem, and another test of hardness of my decision. And then I looked at me with Menachem, raised the fish and said: "0" Kay, well, now I can take an orange? "It was an inspiring beginning.

How to give instructions?
Many "do" and "do not", for which we do not miss during the day, you can not speak if you give a child information that will help him understand how to do. For example,
"Dirty boots leave outside." "Things that throw on the chair will imagine." "You have a pants."
You can also say what you need to do without putting yourself in the center of statements. For example, instead of "I want you to go to sleep" - "It's time to sleep." Instead, I want the room to be removed "-" the room needs to be removed. " Speak calmly, but without hesitation, using a minimum of words. Let your manner of speech are transferred to the child from which you are waiting for consent.
When children need to stop, there is no need to prevent them or threaten them. Put the boundaries calmly, but firmly; And when it is possible, briefly give the reason. Here are examples:
"The sofa does not jump - it spoils the material."
"I can't allow you to run around a bus stop - it interferes with other people."
"You can not rush to sand - he can get someone in the eyes."
If children do not listen, do something to stop them. For example, if the child runs around the bus stop, put it next to me or take the hand. Little, who has not yet learned to walk well and rushes sand, you need to remove from the sandbox and calmly say: "Go, let's sleep a little next to me on the bench." And if necessary, hold it a little so that it does not return.

How to make children fit when they are called?
Many parents have a problem that children are not suitable for them when their name is. If they are not suitable for the third time, parents themselves go to them with a cry: "How many times should I scream so that you come up!" Although it leads to some results, but children, unfortunately, while learn to ignore their parents, until they screak.
To teach children to approach when we call them, you must first learn to control your angry reaction. To do this, it is necessary to determine and change the thoughts that cause our anger. For example: "I should not call him so many times so that it goes. He must come right away!" We must be tolerant for child behavior, while working at the same time above its change.
Take a rule not to call the child more than once. If he did not fit, do not go on to call him, but come to him yourself and tell me calmly: "When I call you, you must immediately approach" or "you know, I called you." Sometimes appropriately calm censure: "You do not have the right to not pay attention to me when I call you!"
Naturally, we must give the child a minute and not expect that he will appear at the same moment. We can explain to him that if it is difficult for him to immediately approach, he can shout in response: "One minute, please." Even if the child plays outside the house, we should not continue to call him. Maybe we are inconvenient to leave the house, but we must be ready to endure some inconvenience to achieve our educational goals.

Attract the child's attention
Parents should avoid giving instructions, shouting them from one end of the house to another. Many children teach then to imitate the cries of their parents. If we really want to seek your children's attention, we must choose time to talk to them face to face. Then we are unlikely to have to repeat what we are talking.
If the child behaves as if we do not hear us, you do not always need to repeat. Instead, it is better to find out what he understood from what we said. For instance:
Mother: Naomi, please take lingerie from the washing machine and turn it into the dryer. Naomi (does not answer and continues to read). Mother (calm): Naomi, what did I say now? Naomi (looking up): A, you asked me to shift the washing in the dryer.
Mother: right. So please do it now.

Reminders
Another way to encourage obedience is a relevant reminder. For example, we can say a daughter who constantly postpones what we ask her: "Rivka, take a table and please do not forget my words about not to postpone what you need to do immediately."

Correction and punishment
Proper and timely correction is an important factor in achieving obedience. For example, if the child often refuses to do what they ask for, we can discuss with him the importance of obedience, explaining that this is part of Mitzvah's respect for parents and what fulfilling their request with the hunt, he brings joy to parents. If the child responds to a request for something to do with the words "I don't want," he should calmly say: "You know, children should do what they ask mom and fell." To teach children that they must obey us, sometimes you have to resort to punishments (see chapter 5 more about it).

THE LAST WORD
Remember to teach a child to obey, you need time and patience. It is important that our expectations are realistic. Do not forget that our children are not angels. Even the most obedient child sometimes may not obey his parents. Do not awaken anger, thinking: "Why he does not listen!" On the other hand, do not focus your thoughts on your own error ("that me It is not okay that I can't encourage him to obedience? "). We must maintain emotional control to quietly decide how to cope with a similar situation.


IN about the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit!

Dear in Christ's brethren and sisters! Holy Apostle Paul writes: may God be performed, to all kind of good cause (2nd. 3, 17). In order to be cooked to good deeds, it is necessary to go to God in the Word, in the law of God, to be able to know the holy will of God and fulfill it. Today I wanted to talk to you about one of the greatest Christian virtues - about worship by the children of my parents. Westing parents is the first duty of children. Even in the pre-Christian times, all peoples were custom, the younger always read and respected the elders. In particular - the children of their parents. However, despite all the importance and naturalness of this virtue, to universal chagrin, now this commandment of God is neglected. We see and hear many cases when children do not respect their parents. Not only do not respect, but even allow and gross insult to their parents. And so, to remind all the importance and necessity of this virtue, which teaches the fifth commandment of the Law of God, today we will talk about it.

First of all, the reverence of parents requires nature itself: because thanks to parents, children are called to life. And already for one thing they should appreciate their parents. But not only for it. Parents brought them up, gave them their education, cared, keenly looked at their every step, helped when they had needed in assistance. The greatest grief, difficulties, illness, and, maybe we cried in your heart, and mourn the diseases of their children, their failures. And, of course, all this teaches children to honor, respect their parents. Apostle Paul writes that love Loglypit, love merciful (1 Cor. 13, 4). And if what love is long-blood, merciful, then first of all the love is parent. What a father will forget his son! True insulted the Avasal of his father, the king and the prophet David, Rezy against him with his unfastened subjects. But listen that David says to his warlords: relieve me an ahead of Avissaloma (2zar. 18, 5). Outtian love is ready to forgive everyone. Even unsuitable, prodigal children. Therefore, children must remember this and try to be grateful to their parents.

All sacred history teaches us this delicate parental love for the children of fathers. So, it is told that when the sons of the Haron of Aaron's high priest were amazed from the fire of the Lord, then Aaron was standing and silent. Let us recall both of the righteous Jacob about the deceased Son Joseph: with sadness to go to my son to my hello (Gen. 37, 35), "he said. Recall how Thornel David about his dead Son Avasalome. He cried and sobbed, and sentenced: my son Avissal! My son, my son Avissal! Oh, who would give me to die instead of you... (2zar. 18, 33). So cried and sobbed David. Remember from the New Testament History, what spiritual sorrow is the appeal to the Savior Father, who requested about the healing of his infant son: Lord! Pomping my son; He is foggally and hard suffers, because it often rushes into the fire and often into the water, I led him to your disciples, and they could not heal it (Matt. 17, 15-16). As well as the screams of Hananeyan women's wife, also addressed to the Savior: mighty me, Lord, son of David, my daughter is cruel (Matt. 15, 22). The daughter suffers, but the mother doubly suffers. So she says: hOME ME, Lord! This is the gentle love of parents towards his children. And the children should not forget this. Parental children should also meet mutual love for them on this love.

I will give you another example from civilian history, about such an amazing, you can say, the loving love of parents to his children. In 390, about 7,000 people were killed about 7,000 people in the city of Fesaloniki for the ordinance of the emperor Feodosia. They executed the guilty and innocent - indifferent. And citizens suffered, and foreigners suffered, and small, and large. Among others doomed to death, some person with two boys - sons were located there in this unfortunate day. When the queue reached them, the father convinced the murderers so that they would complicate and at least one son were pardoned, left alive. The executioners agreed to pardon one, but they said to the Father that he had to make a choice himself: Whom of two leave alive, and whom to kill. Then the heart of the father was shaken. His roads were both sons. He was sorry for both of them. Therefore, he did not make any choice, and all three of them were in the hands of cruel executioners.

Parents suffer when children are experiencing some sorrow. In particular, the parent heart is experiencing, hurts when children are in diseases. They are not nice at this time, nothing pleases them. Only when the merciful Lord will raise them from diseases, they sighs with relief, then there are no limits to parents' joy. But if parents mourn the diseases of their sons and daughters, they are experiencing when they are obsessed with a bodily illness, then the more mournful of their heart when children suffer from moral, mental illness. This is a double misfortune for parents.

We must read the parents also for the reason that if we are thinking about the sampling of the commandment of the Lord, who commands us to honor our father and their mother, we will see that it contains the promise of God. Namely: for respect for children, grant and prosperity is promised. For disadvantage - shortness of life with all sorts of disasters and misfortunes. History and those visual examples that we ourselves are observing, convincing us in strength and justice of the Words of God. Indeed, people who referred to their parents with respect were careful about them, wait to deep old age and their lives spend in every well-being, prosperity. On the contrary, daring, irresistible children are usually only before the design of their days live. And life is carried out in all sorts of disasters and misfortunes.

Read your father and your mother, [so that you were good and] to last your days on earth- says the fifth commandment of the Law of God (Ex. 20, 12); and further: gloomy father or mother death yes die (Matt. 15, 4). And there are many such examples when the parent blessing admits the grace of his children to the souls. And on the contrary - the curse of the parent subjected to the terrible suffering, the torment of the children of unprofitable. Blessed Augustine, Bishop Ipponian, tells one case. Once in one of the cities of his diocese, a whole family was subjected to such a curse. The mother of the nine sons, the old woman, once was very distressed with her eldest son, who not only orally insulted her, but he dares to bring her beatings. The mother of the eldest son was illuminated by such a act of the eldest son and on the other sons: why didn't they keep him and did not help, did not protect her when he struck her hit? And here in a fit of such indignation, it was all the screams of them all without parsing. And the court of God, the court was inevitable. The eldest son was struck by paralysis on the same day. His hands, and then all members of the body began to tremble. He came to full exhaustion, could not even walk. The same fate has suffered all the other sons for one year alone. So, without making a shame, not tolerating the shame from their fellow citizens, left this city and wandered somewhere throughout the Roman Empire. Here is a visual example, an obvious example, as in speed, the court of God is performed above the bold disrespectful children. This example convinces us also in the fact that they are sinners and mother who are so daring to pronounce so reckless curses on their children. And doubly sin children who force their parents to such extreme actions - curses.

Yes, you should always remember your duties towards parents. Saint Tikhon Zadonsky talks about this:

Always pay tribute to gave you, and you will be a great good for it. Remember that parents are the greatest your benefactors. Remember all their grief, works, the experiences that they approached with your upbringing. And, having remembered, always worthy of them for this thanks. Do not insult them, provide them with obedience. But this obedience should be reasonable. Observation must be according to the word of God and not contrary to the will of God. Nothing without the advice and blessing of parents do not do. If the parents are punished and punished you, if it is punishment you consider fair, really you are to blame, then with the mildness to transfer this punishment. Because parents punish you with the good goal to fix you to be kinder. If you think that this is a punishment unfair, you are not guilty, then tell them about it, because you are their child. Do not leave your parents in need, help them, especially in their old age. If you notice any genthes, weakness of your parents, then I will be slaughtered to condemn them, the more in the other way to disclose this. Do not imitate Hamu - Son Noah, who, who saw the nudity of his father, notified about the brothers. And if you insult your parents in anything, they certainly ask them for forgiveness. The Word of God we commands to ask for forgiveness from each near, offended by us, the more Page - in their parents, whom we must love and read more than other people.

These are the instructions of Holy Tikhon Zadonsky on the attitude of children to parents.

Children, irrevocably belonging to their parents, deprive the blessings of God. They are deprived of the grace of God. One day, the parents brought her son, who was obsessed with an evil spirit who suffered him. Parents with tears asked the Rev. Father to heal their son to his prayer. But the reverend, who was very condescended to all the suffering, even without an outsider, providing them with his prayer, this time did not show any attention to this young man. He looked at him with displeasure. Parents begged him, but the devotee says: "Your son is not enough healing, and the evil spirit is given to him in punishment for being so boldly. He often did not listen to you and did a bang with you? ". Father head shook and says: "Yes." - "After all, you prayed, asked the Lord to punish him?" "Parents with tears said:" Yes, we really asked the Lord to punish him for inconsistency. " - "So let him suffer for his sins." But the compassional parents with tears soldered to the saint, became their tears to pour his legs to him, asking him to complicate and pardon their disturbed son. And then only the reverend, laying his hand on him, prayed, and immediately the tags were healed.

And here's another example of how the Lord punishes disrespectful children for their audacity towards parents. One old mother had a sole son, whom he loved, who brought up, in the aspiration that he would be a breadwinner, supporting her in old age. But the son, when he came to age, his dismantling, rudeness, insult often brought her to tears. Once he began to beat his wife. The mother interceded, but in irritation, the son grabbed her for her chest and clinging to the wall, began to choke. And only Mother's moans, a cry of his wife, crying children forced him to stop and leave home. And then the offended and distressed mother became before icons and says: "Lord, you see how my native ungrateful son arrives with me, what he pays me for my love and care about him. May it be cursed! And there will be no mine, nor yours, Lord, blessings on it. " At that same time, on the same day he was struck by a terrible ailment. All members came to relaxation, her hands trembled. Every day his health has deteriorated and worsened. He came to extremely exhaustion, so that even his wife fed him from the spoon, with her hands. In such a state, he was repeatedly taken to the holy wings of God, in Kiev, to other holy places. But nowhere he did not receive healing. The Lord did not give him healing.

And now, thirteen, he has already come to exhaustion, in relaxation that he even disappeared by the gift of speech. Then they decided to call the priest so that he was coming up by his holy secrets. When he accepted the Saints of Christ Secrets, then the gift of speech to him returned. He called for all his relatives and children and convincingly spoke of how hard the sin of disobedience, non-consciousness to her parents, and after these words, died peacefully.

These are these examples, dear, - they all learn all, as we need with caution, with attention to our parents who gave us to whom we are obliged to the life of us that we have brought up. After all, parents in our early childhood seem to replace us with God. All power is based on the power of God, approved by the Lord. Moreover, the parental government is approved by the Lord. Therefore, the Lord fulfills the will of his parents in this case. Here, being about this pretended, dear, we will try to fulfill this commandment in our lives. And write on the srices of your heart:

Honor your father and your mother
Yes, the benefit will be, and yes, long will be on earth (Ex. 20, 12)
and father's father or Mother's death will die (Matt. 15, 4).

Respect for children to parents and seniors is the most important of seven virtues. It is respect for the elder that gives rise to all good actions and acts. If the child does not respect and does not like his parents, he looks like a young tree, which has no roots, or on the stream, which has no more source.

It is very difficult to describe what efforts our parents have attached over so many long years in order to grow us as we are. Deep love and care deeper than any ocean, such strong love and care that it can roll the mountains. They cared so carefully for us that no difficulties and dangers would be able to eradicate such love. What do parents expect in response? They simply need the honesty of the child with them, his respect, so the child shows their gratitude to them. If we, thus treat and love our parents, then we show a good example of our children. Our children will refer to us in the same way, and this is the key to harmony in our family. When a baby is small, he does no work. About his food, clothes and the like parents take care of. Parents help the child from love. The child does not work - he can only fulfill a small order for the house. But does this work can be compared with the difficulty or costs that parents are doing? If, becoming an adult, the child does not understand what his parents gave him, then this is a very big ungratefulness.
We, children, in turn, should always remember and understand the following three judgments:

1. Who gave me this body?
2. Who raises me and grow?
3. Who gives me education?

The biggest disappointment and chagrin for parents is the unsight and disobedience of their children. The fact is that the respect and love of children to the elder does not mean the material support of parents. This concept is much wider and deeper. Respect and children's love for older is the most important and major virtue of people. Our ancestors said: "There is no point in worshiping God, if we do not respect and do not love our parents." Heaven say: "Those children who at one time did not respect parents and seniors will be punished and punishment it will be in the same way their children towards them. As we treat parents, our children will have the same attitude. " In the family, younger must have respect and parents, and to the eldest (brothers and sisters). Younger should feel respect, subordination and gratitude to the elders. Senior, in turn, must feed to younger love, help and protect them. When the youngest respect the older, and the senior loves the younger, then a beautiful family atmosphere is created.

Unfortunately, in our days, many people behave simply immoral. This behavior is expressed in the fact that they are simply a rough attitude towards parents, they are insensitive. It is not surprising if you yourself have seen such people who have become completely indifferent to their parents. In the newspapers, you can also read quite a few stories telling about the child who has forgotten about parents at all.

Man is the most reasonable creature on our planet, he must respect and love the elders and his parents. And seeing the attitude of children to parents, unwittingly thinking, and if we are the most reasonable creatures? For example, even a lamb before feeding his mother's milk, it becomes knees. Crow, being the smartest bird on the planet, feeds his parents when they are aged. It is better to care for your parents as far as possible than to honor them, after they go to the world of others.
For example, the one who is a samurai must behave in strict accordance with the debt of sonarity. Whatever capable, smart, eloquent and kind it was born, all this is useless if he is inconspicuous. For Beanido, the Warrior's path, requires the behavior of a person to be correct in everything. If there is no insight in everything, there will be no knowledge of due. And the one who does not know due, can hardly be called a samurai. The samurai understands that parents gave him life and that he is part of their flesh and blood. And it is from exaggerated self-existent that sometimes disregard for parents. This is a lack of distinguishing about the cause and effect.

There are different ways to fulfill son duties to parents. The first - when the parent is honest, and brings up children with sincere kindness and leaves them all property, including income above average, weapons and horse equipment, and also precious utensils, and also suits them good marriages. When such a parent is removed on peace, there is nothing special and worthy praise in that children should care for him and treat him with all attentiveness. Even in relation to someone else's person, if he is close friend and tries to help us, we feel deeply located and do everything for him everything that is possible, even if it does not meet our interests. How deep should be the bond of love if it concerns our parents? Therefore, how many we would do for them as their children, we cannot but feel: no matter how well we performed the sons of my duty, it is always not enough. This is an ordinary son's respectfulness, there is nothing outstanding in it.

But if the parent of evils, old and senzen, if he always grieves and repeats that everything in the house belongs to him, if he does not give anything to children and, not believing with the meal of the family, tirelessly requires drinking, food and clothes, and if he, Meeting people, always says: "My ungrateful son is so incomprehensible, so I am a vocator of such a life. You can't imagine how hard my old age," thereby displacing your children to other people, then even to such a grumpy parents should be referred to with respect and without showing any signs of irritation, to indulge his bad character and console him in his elderly. Fully give your strength to such a parent - that's a genuine son. Samurai, filled with such a feeling, entering the service for the Mr., deeply understands the path of loyalty and will show him not only when his Mr. is thriving, but also when he is in trouble. He will not leave him, even when he remains ten from a hundred riders, and one of ten - one, but will protect him to the end, considering his life in comparison with military belief. And although the words "Parent" and "Mr.", "Sonnial respect" and "loyalty" are different, the meaning of them is the same.

Ancient said: "Look for a devotee Vassal among respectful." It is impossible to imagine the person to be inconspicuous to his parents and at the same time was devoted to his Mother. For the unable to fulfill his son's duty to the parents who gave him life, it would hardly be to serve the Mr., with whom he is not bound by blood bonds, from one respect. When such a disrespectful son enters the service to Mr. He will condemn any shortcomings of his owner, and if he is unhappy that is unhappy, he will forget about his loyalty and disappears at a minute of danger, or betrayed his master, surrendered to the enemy. Examples of such a shameful behavior were at all times, and it should be worse with contempt.

Confucius said: "The money has its own value, and our parents are priceless, as money can be earned, and our parents will not return. We love our wives, but parents are more. There are a lot of women, and parents are alone. It is necessary to work a lot, work requires a lot of attention, and our parents we must give even more time. We must protect our lives, but first we must protect our parents. If it were not for their care, upbringing, we would not exist on this planet at all. "

The ancient wise men said: "Nothing can replace the parents to us: neither golden nor silver coins. If we do not respect our parents in life, it is useless to provide them with respect and respect after they go out to the world of others. "

Ancient philosophers said: "If we want to measure the number of kindness and care that parents gave us, then it is impossible to do. It is as hard as guess how high the sky is or what thickness is the earth. We may count how many hairs are on our head, but we will not be able to count how many good and care our parents invested in us. "

Let's think and ask yourself, who gave us body? Due to whom we born? Who feeds us when we are hungry? Who sheltered us and gave warmly when we were cold? Who calmed us when we cried? Who cleaned and put in order our bed, when did we dare in the bed as a child? Who cared about us when we sick cute or rubella? Who taught us foreign languages? Think who besides parents, could give us all this, who could take care of us so? Of course, only parents. No one, besides them, could not do it all. Our parents have invested their soul in us, they did not sleep at night when we were babies, just to calm the crying infant. They thought first of all about our well-being, health, and then only about their own. Nine months they wore us in the abdomen, for three years they nounted with us. Think only, through what difficulties our parents passed before making us adults.

Parents begin to worry about us when we are too closely approaching deep-sea water, to fire or to a hot or acute subject. Before they start to eat, they will ask if we are hungry. Parents will not sleep calmly if they are unsure that we are safe. If we suddenly get sick, they never reproach us for being very difficult because of this. Then, on the contrary, will begin to blame themselves for not attached to the necessary effort and did not watch us. They will definitely find us a good doctor and will collect all the necessary medicinal herbs, will pray to God for our health, go in the fortuneteller to find out if everything will be fine with us. They wish them instead they suffered. If we are somewhere far from home, they will be very worried about us, and will wait for our return. If we return late, they will inspect us with a restless look, asking whether it did not happen. All this is kindness and the care of our parents, they wore us in themselves, nounted with us, fed us, gave education and treated us for diseases. None of us should forget how much effort, care and love put parents in us.

Confucius said: "We must appreciate and protect our lives, because each piece of our body is given to us by our parents. This is the basis of respect and love for our parents. If we strive to improve ourselves, in this way, we will be able to maintain the reputation of our parents at the height. "

In the teachings of Tao Heaven, it is said that if we respect our parents, they will fall into heaven, therefore, as adherents of Tao, we should help our parents get to heaven.

This great commandment is performed mentally when they think: what are special, wonderful, beautiful parents from me. They remember their good qualities, actions, dignity. The great sage of Torah of our time, Rais Him Shmulevich, said that it was necessary to respect the parents not contrary to what they were, and for what they are. That is, see their advantages and exalt them. And even if everyone around it does not see and do not think so.

The second aspect is the word.

To speak with parents and about them with great reverence and high grades, with love and tenderness. In various sources, it is given that with the father and mother should speak, as with the king and the queen, in every way showing it to the respect that children are experiencing to them. Children should always try to heart up with dad and mom, tell them the news, talk about departure and return, lively interested in their news, health. If the son or daughter is asking anyone and the people they ask, are familiar to their parents, even if they, and not knowing parents, they would fulfill the request, still it should be said: "Make me a favor for my father (or Mother). " This person elevates his parents and provides them with respect. If the son or daughter hear that their parents respond in disrespectful form, should immediately stop this. If the intervention does not help, but will only cause even more rapid anger and will lead to even greater humiliation, sometimes it is more expedient to silent.

The third aspect of the execution of the commandment is the action.

The fact that a person in everyday life comes honestly, behaves, as appropriate, is pleasant and recognized - the Most High and People - is in a sense, the fulfillment of the commandment of honoring the parents, because The good name of the Father and Mother will be extomed and noted: "Such beautiful children can only be among good parents." Any commandment and a good deed, which makes a person, indirectly is the fulfillment of the commandment of honoring parents - because thanks to them and their upbringing, he is ready to do so. The Most High "remembers them" to good and gives them to them in the future. When children help parents, make something for them, it should be accompanied by joy, fun, goodwill, so that parents make it nice to take their services. Talmud says: sometimes it happens that children give their parents sophisticated dishes and is waiting for this gerine - hell, and sometimes they make parents work hard to work and fall into Gan-Edin - Paradise. So, for example, the son will serve the fatna of fried quenched quails for lunch. To the question of the Father: "Where did you get this son?" He is curing his teeth: "Foot, Fierch, the old man, do not get distracted," for such attitudes, he falls into Geine. Another son, so that the Father does not take on the hard royal service (to carry out some kind of service), suits him to his mill. Father works hard, and the son soothes his gentle: "After all, at the royal work is heavier, it is longer and tedious." Such a son receives an award and in this, and in the future world.

Performing commandments related to parents need to be remembered by the general rules of the Torah. One of them is "the intention of the heart": during the fulfillment of any commandment, a person should think and remember that this action is the commandment of the Most High. Another rule: the commandment, which a man does, above and significantly, than that, the execution of which he instructs other people. Therefore, when parents need any help, it is better that the son or daughter will do it, and not asked and did not hire others.

Whose account is carried out by the commandment of honoring parents?

Sometimes the fulfillment of the commandment of honoring parents is associated with material costs. The law is established in accordance with the opinion that it says that the costs associated with the fulfillment of the commandment of the reverence of parents are carried out by their account. If parents have the opportunity to pay for their needs, children help parents, using their money, are transported, buy medicines, products, clothes, make repair - at the expense of parents. When it is necessary to have a son or daughter to help parents, missed work, lost salary, income, this is not replenished with parental money. Money spent on phone calls, for travel, letters, etc., who are spent to fulfill the confessation of parents, should not refund from parental money, because Instead of a call or letters, children could have come personally, but instead of using transport, to get on foot. Therefore, it turns out that these are expenses for the convenience of children who should not be paid by their parents.

In the case when parents do not have the opportunity to pay their expenses, all their needs are paid by children. If they have several daughters and sons, then expenses are divided between children, taking into account the material security of each of them.

If children do not have the opportunity to pay parental expenses, according to the letter of the law, they are not obliged to ask alms for parents, but, based on the rules of morality, the Son should not allow the Father to go with an outstretched hand, and must collect alms for them. Moreover, it is impossible to allow mother to be breeding, as a shame of a woman, asking for laying, much more than a shame of a man.

Children must help parents, even if, because of this, they can be dismissed from work and lose earnings. If a son or daughter has his children under the age of six and money, there is enough money to feed children, or to pay for the needs of parents, the duty in relation to children "outrests".

Responsibility to get up to parents.

Son and daughter are obliged to get up in front of their parents. Even if parents or children are blind, there is a duty to get up to parents. Get completely completely, and not just raise. The duty to get up at the sight of a father or mother, even if they are still far away, and should be standing until they leave or do not sit down. The duty to get up to parents at least 2 times a day - once in the morning and once in the evening. If there are foreign people nearby, who have not seen that the son or daughter got up before their parents, they should stand again. Every time the children get up in front of their parents, and in addition to the obligatory two times, they fulfill the confession of the parents, and the award for this is great.

If the son or daughter, who, seeing parents, got up before them, had to stand still in order to go to another place, they should first sit for a while and only after that go to show: the first time they got up only for In order to express respect for parents. Parents can afford children not to get up before them. In this case, if the son or daughter is not standing, they will not commit disorders, but if they continue to get up - they do the commandment every time, despite the permission of the parents not to get up.

Sometimes it may be that the Father is a student of his son-Rabbi, teaches Toru. In this case, the son gets up in front of his father, since he is a father, and his father gets up his son, fulfilling the duty to get up in front of the Torah teacher. Still, the son is necessary to try in every way so as not to bother his father so that it did not have to get up in front of him.

In Jewish history, there were cases when the Father, being a great connoisseur of Torah, got up in front of his son as a sign of respect for his knowledge in Torah, even if they did not exceed the knowledge of the Father. So about the sages of the Torah of our time, Rave Himim Solovechik, say that he appreciated the knowledge of the Torah and the talents of his son, Rava Itzhak-Zueeva - Rabbi from Brest, which every time he got up when he came. Ravzo from Brest did not want to bother my father, and he often came home ... through the window.

A person who is studying the Torah at the moment is also obliged to get up to parents.