Second child: easier or more difficult? One child in the family. Interview with I.Ya. Medvedeva Two children in a family: advantages

08.03.2020

Since ancient times, people have noticed: a person’s life strategies and character are directly related to the serial number of his birth. This is confirmed by research by psychologists and sociologists who consider the family as a system with its own clear laws and structure. However, parents are capable of raising a child to be a harmonious and happy person, regardless of whether he is the only one in the family or not, the eldest, middle or youngest. You just need to pay attention to certain winning moments and pitfalls of life scenarios.

The only child in the family: pros and cons

“Everything is mine” - this is how one can characterize the position of the only child in the family. And this is all the pros and all the cons. The only child does not have to share parental attention, love, care and other moral and material resources with anyone - this is an advantage. But it also entails disadvantages: the desire to occupy a leadership position a priori, rather than achieving this in competition, poor ability to work in a team and relate one’s desires and goals to the needs and capabilities of other people. To teach a child all this, parents need to clearly build boundaries in the family and teach the child to observe the emotions and actions of others.

And the main danger for an only child is that in addition to all kinds of benefits, he also gets all the hopes and aspirations of his parents, because there are no other children. This means that there is a great danger of being buried under the weight of the unfulfilled and unfulfilled. “I didn’t succeed, let him have it” is a parental strategy that takes the child very far from his own self.

To save your growing child from an unbearable burden, allow yourself to realize your dreams on your own - because in this way you will also become for him a wonderful example of a person who knows how to set goals and achieve them through his own work, overcoming mistakes, fears and failures.

If your only child has grown up and strives for independence and separation, do not cling to him. Do you feel the enormous untapped potential of parental love? There are many disadvantaged children around, and by helping them, you will teach your child to be merciful and attentive.

Raising two children in a family

When there are two children, this is already a team. And the parent is the coach. Sometimes he is a “player,” that is, going through everything along with his players. Sometimes - trying to live up to the position of a “great and infallible” guru.

But what is much more important is the kind of relationships he cultivates between children. If it’s “we are different, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and it’s great that we are together,” no matter how many quarrels, fights and conflicts there are in the first years of life, children will grow up and live with the feeling that there is a loved one in the world and a loved one you can rely on.

But if the “coach” welcomes constant competition and the need to prove his superiority, the child, having matured, will see those around him exclusively as enemies with whom he must either fight or submit to them, admitting his own defeat.

In such a scenario, the younger child often turns into a “jumper to an unattainable height,” because the older one is always stronger, more dexterous, more skilled, and more experienced—it is almost impossible to catch up and overtake him. And the elder, feeling his superiority and authority, tries so hard to help the younger that he often forgets about his own interests.

If there are twins growing up in your family, try to provide each with a comfortable degree of individualization (different clothes, hairstyles, hobbies). In the case of older children, it is important to provide everyone with games and activities according to their age: do not “average” them, otherwise the older one may slow down in development, and the younger one may miss something important. If the age difference between children is more than 12 years, each of them will develop according to the scenario of an only child.

Raising children in a large family

The more children there are in a family, the more varied the roles they occupy can be - this is a huge plus. But it is “zeroed” if the interaction scenario turns out to be rigidly fixed: everyone has a clearly defined place, which he cannot change, no matter how hard he tries. In this case, growing up, a person will live his entire life in the “cage” of family orders or will fight with them all the time, unable to find his own niche and strength. “Responsible for everyone”, “Eternal average”, “Cute baby”, “The third wheel”, “Two against one” - these are the most common scenarios for large families.

Before the birth of their next baby, parents should at least understand how this system functions in their family and which “role niches” remain unoccupied. The easiest way is to draw a family tree, indicating not only children, but also all grandmothers, cousins, etc. And think about what fairy-tale character each of those indicated in the picture looks like: who is the Hero, who is the Favorite, who is the Princess, and who is the Dragon...

Please note that in a large family, as a rule, the last, youngest child is in a special position, and often the middle one is in the most disadvantageous position. They usually run around with the youngest so much, they are so touched by his pranks and awkwardness, that he simply has neither the desire nor the need to grow up. But the “middle children” get little attention: parents are too busy with the success of their older children and caring for the little ones. To neutralize these “threats,” encourage the youngest family member to be independent, and listen to the middle one very carefully, especially in cases where he is clearly sacrificing his interests in favor of other children.

I'm already used to the fact that there are many children in my family. Sometimes everyone looks at us with open surprise, because in the modern complex pace of life it is difficult to combine material, social and psychological well-being. My husband and I have five children. And many people wonder how we cope with problems. But in our situation there are pros and cons. Let's start with the cons.

Are these such disadvantages?

Food can simply run out instantly, especially vegetables and fruits. My husband is still surprised how quickly it all ended. I remember the story of a mother of 9 children that 20 kg of oranges ran out in a day.
It is not always possible to please everyone. With one child it is much easier to find a compromise or change his mood. But with five children you have to be patient. It happens that a daughter is dissatisfied with something, and the next day one of the sons shows his character.
My husband and I have to improve. Or engage in strict self-education. Children quickly follow our example. And if we make a mistake somewhere, they immediately perceive it as a normal line of behavior. It would be convenient to shift all the care of the child to the spouse, but when there are five of them, you have to share responsibilities.
I feel constantly busy, like I'm not enough. It will not be possible to hug and caress all five at the same time, there are not enough hands. While you are taking care of one child, the other has already managed to break something, fall or quarrel.
Time is now the most precious gift for me. Its boundaries are clearly marked, and you cannot allocate even 30 minutes a day for relaxation and pleasure. Household chores, constant fuss and attention to children take up a lot of time. Previously, I had the opportunity to sleep during the day. I realized that now this is impossible. When you have one child and he sleeps, this is your time. And when there are three of them, and one is sleeping and two are not? Or are two sleeping and one is not? Whose time is it then?
Every child wants personal attention for himself. This can be difficult, but a child doesn’t need a lot of such attention - the two of you can draw a little, build Lego, cuddle.
I don’t have time for bliss in bed in the morning, laziness and depression. Sometimes I watch foreign or Russian films, where some women allow themselves to stay in bed until 10 am. Oh, that's a luxury for me. It happens that as early as six in the morning, our small kindergarten can settle down on the bed with my husband and noisily wake us up for breakfast.
It is difficult to perceive children's screams, noise and quarrels. But they are inevitable in any family. I have never seen sisters or brothers who did not share even the most inconspicuous little thing among themselves. When our boys begin to sort things out, it becomes difficult.
The difference in tastes in food seems like an inconspicuous point, but when you constantly encounter it, it becomes boring. Today I am cooking semolina porridge - a 7 liter pan. And suddenly, two or three of my children categorically refuse it. How can we be here? We have to find all sorts of options to ensure that the porridge is eaten and the children are fed.
In a large family, everything is collective. And if one child leaves his slippers on the doorstep, then they will definitely be worn by another child. Whoever managed it gets the slippers.
My husband and I are in constant turmoil and noise. It becomes nice at night when there is silence. But it may not last long. One may get up to go to the toilet, another may drink some water, and the third child suddenly has a nightmare.
A separate topic is the number of things in our house. They are everywhere. And when a rare occasion occurs—a trip—you have to pack a colossal amount of things. You try to take everything to the minimum, but you can’t fit everything into one suitcase. And since there are more things, it becomes more difficult with order, and with washing, and with putting them in places.
I can no longer imagine traveling to expensive resorts. Yes, we find the opportunity to visit tourist centers, but the cost of tickets is more expensive. And they don’t always let you stay in a regular hotel room. To do this, we purchase two rooms or one large one, we need large cars for rent, and so on.
I would also like to say something about spending. This applies not only to relaxation, but also to the home environment. Distributing the budget is almost impossible, so if the opportunity arises to purchase something, we do it right away. Otherwise, money quickly flows away like water.
I have practically no time for my husband. We are still so young, but constant worries do not allow us to be alone. Sometimes you want to wear a beautiful dress, go together to a cinema or an ordinary cafe. But everything is limited to a shared home cinema with our kids. No, there are times when we have time for ourselves, but it becomes unusual. There is a well-known joke from a father with many children that the more children there are in the house, the less opportunity there is for new ones to appear :).
Sometimes I get lost in my behavior. I understand that I used one tactic to raise a child, but it no longer works for the rest of my little family members. You have to find a special approach in any situation. Sometimes add humor, severity or improvise. There is no single system of education in a large family!
In a large family they don’t click their beaks. If you yawn for a long time and think about whether you want to eat an apple, you definitely won’t get it. This is a minus for children who think for a long time.
Sometimes my husband and I feel like service staff. All day long I iron, wash, clean, cook. Fortunately, modern household appliances help out. I can’t imagine myself in the Middle Ages with five children, when there was simply no electricity. My husband is responsible not only for raising children, but also for men’s housework, which I cannot do. Even if someone from relatives came to help, the load does not decrease. Here you are already trying to cover other things that you put off for another day.
Visiting is a bit of a challenge for us. Coming to someone with five children is problematic. And you won’t be able to drink tea there in peace; you need to keep an eye on everyone.
Household items and clothing wear out faster than in ordinary families. Children constantly hit things or accidentally break things. We try to teach them to be thrifty and orderly. We also transfer this responsibility to our eldest son, who helps us keep an eye on the kids’ antics.

All of the above material and educational points can plunge ordinary families into a slight shock. It is these problems that cause people to fear having a large number of children. But I want to bring to the attention of other parents the many advantages of my family from a psychological, rather than a material, point of view.

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

pros

Funny. I don't have to be bored. One sings, the other dances, the third helps in the kitchen. A large number of beloved children makes the world brighter and more festive.
Personal growth. I have to constantly improve. Yes, and dad too. We are becoming better and more tolerant. Gradually, one realizes oneself as an individual. In many ways, two are easier than one, and three are easier than two. They are distracted by each other, play, build relationships with each other.
Children do not always pull away from household chores or are distracted by trifles. They are mostly busy playing with each other or doing something together. It's nice to watch how your close-knit team is trying to establish relationships with each other and mutually help each other out.
An older child is a big help. It is enough to teach him something, and the entire younger contingent takes an example from him and imitates him. This is how collective learning takes place. Therefore, many say that it is enough to educate one, and then put them on stream. Sometimes it is enough to teach one thing - and he will teach the rest.
You can endlessly be touched by looking at your dear children. How they hug, kiss, and cherish their dear blood. Their care for each other eradicates callousness and greed. When they dress alike, when they share and care for each other. This is the main difference between a large family and those raising one child.
Family photos and videos as keepsakes are the most precious gift. We make plans together, go on trips, organize celebrations in our large, united company.
True awareness of life opens only after the birth of several babies. And it’s strange that families with three children are already classified as having many children. Many argue that three children in a family is the norm.
Each child is unique in his own character. You are constantly surprised, like brother and sister, but they have different views. And in a large family there is a chance to see this in practice, when the same parents raise several completely different children. Moreover, in a large family, parents will not put their ambitions first or fulfill their dreams at the expense of their children.
A social revolution is taking place within a large family, which helps the child become better spiritually and physically. He learns to make peace, share, express his feelings and realize himself. This is important for future participation in a school or work team. Adaptation to changes and the environment occurs more easily. Real socialization. You can’t hide from it, you can’t pretend to be someone.
There is no need for kindergarten. And many grandmothers complain that the attention and attitude towards the child in some preschool institutions is no longer the same as in the old days. And you can teach children the basics for school at home. The older child also helps with this.
You can always hug someone. Just show your feelings, affection and love.
Mom will have to take care of herself and her internal development - otherwise she will not survive. She will have to find a hobby and change her attitude towards herself.
In some situations you will have to use humor. It’s impossible without it, so in our family we try to look at complex things in a simpler way.
My own efficiency increases several times, and in a shorter period of time I can do more things. But after the birth of my first child, I practically didn’t have enough time for anything. The best teacher of time management is children.
A large family is a huge moral work. Such qualities as humility, patience, understanding and giving of oneself to another person are developed. In such families, after marriage, children are already ready for independent life and know how to handle their own children. What education to apply, how to play or care.
When the parents finish their journey in life, the children will always have support from their brothers or sisters. But true friendship will last a lifetime.
You can learn a lot of new things, because every child has his own development and tastes. You can learn to draw, glue airplanes, or assemble a construction set.
Parents finally have to delegate responsibilities - one or two children can be completely looked after on their own. But when there are three or four of them, you have to look for other solutions to the problem.
I observe that mothers of many children have irresistible internal and external beauty. They are versatile personalities.
It doesn't cost much more to raise multiple children. Management is gradually changing. The younger ones get things from the older ones. There is no need for unnecessary things.
Space opens up for the development of new ideas and talents. You can become a leader of the masses, form your own theater or sports team.
A large family also requires a large space, so you can move to the countryside and nature. You can do gardening and housekeeping, which also teaches you responsibility.
Parents with a large number of children are already a full-fledged unit. Not just a couple, but a union sharing difficulties and joy. The price of such a relationship is very high.
Faith in God strengthens. You begin to believe that someone is protecting the children and you. It’s impossible otherwise; you can go crazy because you can’t be everywhere at once.
The more children, the more joy, positive thoughts and enthusiasm. And every child manages to participate in this 100%.
With the birth of each subsequent child, the world opens up in a different light and from other sides. This unique phenomenon helps to gain fullness.
It’s amazing to see a continuation of your beloved husband in their eyes. It's different every time. This is probably the most amazing feeling - giving birth to a piece of your loved one.
When a mother is busy with an important task - that is, raising children, she leaves her energy there. While the child is small, he needs her one hundred percent, and a lot of energy is spent, she has no time to do nonsense. But as soon as he grows up, mom little by little begins to blow dad’s brains out. Because she has excess energy. It would be possible to put it to work, but then she would spend everything there. But it’s better for her to give birth to someone again - and throw out her strength there.
In a large family, children do not suffer from overprotection; parents have no time to control them, to monitor them completely. There is more freedom and independence in their lives.
Young children give off a powerful charge of positivity and happiness, so there is a lot of it in a large family.
After the birth of several children, parents become much closer and dearer to each other. Their relationship is of great value. The more children, the stronger the spiritual closeness and love.
A large family is characterized by great worries, great noise, increased laughter and tears. But it also contains twice as many reasons for love and joy. Nowadays there are very few large families and this is frustrating. It is desirable that these statistics change!

Pros and cons... And the children grow and grow up, and the house becomes quieter and quieter... And you are so used to the noise and children's laughter. Children are like a drug. It's good when they exist, when there are a lot of them. And as one man once said, there should always be a small child in the house as long as possible. I agree with him.

Being the only object of parental care and love is both an honorable and rather difficult test for a child. He gets used to privileges and loves to constantly be in the spotlight. However, adults need to strive to ensure that this isolated position does not bring him problems in the future. And here much will depend on the characteristics of upbringing and parental wisdom.

The presence of one child in a Russian family a hundred years ago was rare, but now it is a common thing. According to statistics, approximately 60-65% of families in Russia that have children are families with only one child. Women nowadays decide to give birth to their first children later and later, so the main obstacle to the birth of second children is age. Continuing a career, an insufficiently high standard of living and other negative aspects often lead to the fact that having two or more children becomes an unaffordable luxury.

In any case, the number of children is a personal decision of the spouses. If you are still not sure whether to give your unique child a younger brother or sister, let’s try to clarify what the pros and cons of such a common phenomenon in modern Russia as “the only baby in the family” have.

pros

Parents can satisfy all the needs of their beloved child. Any toys, expensive entertainment, clothes for every taste and color - absolutely everything that the baby wants, mom and dad strive to bring to life. Also, an only child has a much greater chance of getting a good education, because studying at a prestigious university costs a lot of money.
It is believed that a child growing up without sisters and brothers is usually more developed than his peers. A rather controversial point, but there are grounds for such an opinion. In the case of raising one child, parents immediately notice all his talents and creative inclinations. If he draws well, he is enrolled in a drawing club; if he has hearing and voice, he is enrolled in a music school. Typically, parents support and encourage any hobby of their only child, be it the desire to play sports or collecting rare and expensive cars.
Thanks to its special position in the house, the baby receives a lot of attention, care and affection from its parents. And if you add grandparents on both sides, then such children simply “bathe” in love. Experts, noting the advantages of such treatment, consider the only child in the family to be more emotionally stable. After all, he does not know the worries and anxieties that are associated with constant competition for the attention of adults.

There may be other arguments in favor of an only child, but rest assured, they will all come down to the convenience of, first of all, the parents. Yes, it’s easier with one baby. And when he grows up, few mothers and fathers will risk re-plunging into the worries associated with the baby.

Minuses

Children who undividedly enjoy the love and care of their parents run the risk of growing up as “inveterate” egoists. Sometimes they don’t even realize that they need to make compromises, share with someone and sacrifice their own interests. Therefore, such children often have problems adapting to educational institutions when they understand that they are not the most important, unlike at home.
Perhaps the most important disadvantage for such a child is limited communication between children. Many parents are afraid to let their child walk alone in the yard, and some also do not want to invite other children to visit. So often the only interlocutors and playmates are the TV and adults.
Sometimes such children strive for perfection in all types of activities, wanting to please mom and dad, who set inflated and unrealistic demands. Being a perfectionist, the only child gets very upset if he doesn't do well in school or sports.
Some parents strive to surround their treasure with excessive attention, turning into hyperprotection. If the baby gets sick, within a few minutes medical luminaries gather at his crib. Something didn’t work out in school - mom and dad go to help. The child no longer wants to make efforts to achieve the desired result.

Of course, there are many examples that such a child does not have any special problems with behavior, easily establishes friendly relationships with peers and grows up to be a wonderful person in all respects. It all depends on the right parenting tactics and family values.

How to raise the only child in the family?

Don't try to grow him into a continuation of yourself. Let your baby find his own development path, have personal preferences and do what he likes.

In some situations, it is simply necessary to say such important words as “no” and “cannot”. Nobody wants dusty toys that no one plays with. Teach your child to appreciate what he has.

Don't try to correct his mistakes. If a child quarreled with a friend, received an unsatisfactory grade, or did not clean his room, do not rush to do it for him. The ability to solve his own problems will be useful to him in adulthood.

Expand your child's social circle. Involve him in a busy social life (sports and creative clubs) so that he does not get bored playing only computer games and watching children on TV. Visit playgrounds (besides kindergarten) where he can easily communicate with peers. If you have friends with children the same age, organize a Sunday playdate.

Teach him to cope with disappointments and failures. If your child didn’t get the main role in a children’s party, his team lost in a competition, or he “only” came second in a competition, teach him to cope with disappointment. Explain that he did everything possible and even impossible.

There are many reasons why spouses decide to have only one child. However, a loving mother and father can raise their only child to be a well-mannered and intelligent person. Therefore, I would like to remind you once again that the most important thing for the development of children is not the presence of brothers and sisters, but reasonable and affectionate parents.

In recent years, families have often decided to limit themselves to one child. And not only for economic reasons. Sometimes you can hear that an only child is psychologically more comfortable: he has no reason to be jealous, he does not have to share toys with his brother or sister, and in terms of education he will receive more, since the mother can devote all her strength to educating one child... But are these benefits really so certain?

Selfish children

Whatever one may say, the only child in the family is much more likely to grow up to be an egoist; his “exceptionalism” in the family greatly affects his development. And such people, as you know, are extremely jealous; they want the whole world to revolve only around them. And since children have no objective reason for jealousy, they specifically look for it and find it.
A typical example: six-year-old Igor behaved perfectly at home. But when dad came home from work, the boy changed dramatically. No, it’s not that he showed dissatisfaction... On the contrary, Igor seemed to be happy with his father, but this joy was expressed somehow too violently, and the surge of positive emotions quickly turned into negative ones. Igor became touchy and irritable. He did not allow his parents to talk calmly, demanded that they play with him, and did not at all want to understand that dad was tired and he wanted to rest. When it was time for bed, jealousy manifested itself even more openly: the boy flatly refused to fall asleep in his bed and, with childish spontaneity, tried to send his father there.
“You lie down in my bed, I’ve already made a bed for you,” he tenderly persuaded dad, who, as you understand, was by no means delighted with such a “exile.”
Other “individuals” are jealous of their mother’s work or her friends. Some women complain that they cannot even talk calmly on the phone: their son or daughter immediately begins to behave badly and demonstratively interferes with communication. There are also those who simply demand that the mother hang up. So the position of “one and only” is not at all a safe-conduct against childhood jealousy. It's just that its direction will be slightly different.

Parenting models

According to psychologists, the personal life of the “sole heirs” is usually a “tracing copy” of the parental marriage. As experience shows, by the time their children are born, they suddenly acquire pragmatic sanity, completely “forgive” their parents for the absence of brothers and sisters and... have one and only “heir.” Why? Most likely, habit takes its toll. They do not have models of upbringing and behavior in a family where several children are growing up.

From the point of view of psychoanalysis
Freud was the first psychiatrist to note that “the child’s position among his sisters and brothers is of the greatest importance in his entire subsequent life.” For example, it is known that the eldest children in the family have some common characteristics: achievement orientation, leadership qualities. In addition, the eldest child is first raised as the only one. Then, when his privileged position has become familiar to him, his “place” in the soul of the parents is taken by the newborn. When the "capture" occurs before the age of five, it is an extremely shocking experience for the child. After five years, the eldest already has a place outside the family, in society, and therefore is psychologically less disadvantaged by the newcomer.

Seven nannies...

An only child is usually surrounded by increased attention from adults. Due to their age, the older generation is especially sensitive to children. Many grandparents dote on their only grandchild. But overprotection, as we know, gives rise to children's fears. The anxiety of adults is passed on to children. They can grow up to be dependent and dependent. Those who were overly cared for and controlled in childhood are not capable of bold, decisive actions as adults.
In general, it is harmful for a child to feel like the center of the Universe, around which satellite planets revolve - his family.
And in single-child families, this, alas, is almost inevitable. This “child-centrism” leads to the formation of consumer psychology: children begin to consider their relatives as their appendage, existing only to satisfy their needs and whims. This is especially evident in adolescence.
Although, if you look at it, the “one and only” behaves quite logically: adults raised the little prince - and now the prince grew up. Why on earth should he serve anyone?
Psychologists and educators around the world are concerned about the infantilism of modern teenagers and young people. This, of course, is a separate and very extensive topic of conversation. I will only say that raising children in one- or two-child families, when the overprotectiveness of adults does not allow the child to grow up normally, is not the last reason for teenage infantilism. And it, being an egoist, is sure that being an adult means having a lot of rights and almost no responsibilities.
Imagine what it will be like for the adult “little prince” when his parents grow old! After all, only children bear a huge burden of caring for older family members. It often happens that a thirty-year-old man has an elderly grandmother and grandfather still alive, who either need to fix the faucet in the kitchen or dig up the garden at their summer cottage. And then my mother, who lives separately, ends up in the hospital, and I have to visit her too. And your own family requires care. And if the wife also has no brothers and sisters, then the burden on the “prince” doubles.
Of course, brought up by an egoist, such a son can say to his family:
- It's your problems. Settle in as best you can.
But you are unlikely to want such consolation in old age. And the person who says that will have a hard time. No matter how much he convinces himself that he is right, he cannot completely drown out the voice of his conscience. And this gives rise to internal conflicts and leads to mental breakdown.

Fighting stereotypes
The stereotypical idea of the psychological problems of the only child in the family today is not confirmed. As studies by child and adolescent psychiatrists from Mannheim (Germany) have shown, only children in the family do not differ in the proportion of behavioral deviations, fears, and school failure from their peers who have a brother or sister. There were also no significant differences between boys and girls. At the same time, as specialists from the Mannheim Central Institute of Mental Health have shown, family cohesion, family communication style, as well as the social environment where the child grows up are of decisive importance. The only thing that clearly distinguishes the only child in the family is a higher (by 4 points) level of intelligence development.

The importance of imitation and social experience
It is believed that an only child has more opportunities for intellectual development, but this is another common misconception.
Only children play little or no pretend play. They have no one to learn from, no one to play with. And the gap in such games has a detrimental effect on the entire development of the child, including intellectual development. After all, it is precisely this kind of game that gives the little man a three-dimensional understanding of the world.
Children from such families have completely different social experiences. When confronted with life outside the home, such a child often suffers psychological trauma. Once in kindergarten or first grade, he habitually expects to be singled out from those around him. And when this does not happen, he becomes neurotic. He may lose interest in studying, and there may be a fear of failure, and this again does not contribute to intellectual development.

First child

The first child is in many ways similar to the only one. The adult world has a huge influence on him, and he begins to be driven by the desire to compete with his elders. The first child is usually conservative because he is used to protecting his position. He is very responsible and prefers verbal confrontations to physical ones. He has a keenly developed sense of duty, and his integral and purposeful nature is worthy of trust.
The appearance of a brother/sister unexpectedly deprives him of power and throws him back into the world of children. And then the struggle begins to regain the lost first place in the hearts of parents. The habit of using one's power over siblings later manifests itself in the desire to dominate others and always be in control of the situation.
He has a strong character, and pressure from his parents forces him to be extremely demanding of himself. He always sets the bar very high, and then never feels like he has achieved enough. The fact that he is the first and the eldest gives him a feeling of his own exclusivity for the rest of his life, makes him calm and self-confident.

Your serial number and career
Researchers have found that only children and, to some extent, first children are more likely to prefer intellectual and exploratory activities. Children who are not first born are more likely to gravitate towards careers related to the arts and work outside the office.
"These results are consistent with the theory that birth order influences a child's personality," said Frederick T. L. Leong, study co-author and professor of psychology at The Ohio State University.
“Typically, parents have different expectations and preferences for their child depending on their birth order,” Leong continues. - For example, parents may be overprotective of their only child and worry about his or her physical safety. Perhaps this is why only children in the family are more likely to show interest in intellectual work than in physical activity. In addition, the only child in the family receives more time and attention than those who have brothers and sisters.”
In addition, parents may direct the attention of the only or first child in the family to areas where a prestigious career is possible, such as medicine or law. This may be why children born later are more likely to show interest in professions in the arts.

We all walk under God...
Parents who prefer to limit themselves to one child do not think about other, important consequences of their decision. Here is what a prominent Russian demographer, Professor Sinelnikov, writes: “Parents of an only child, of course, have an easier life, but they do not know how many chances they have of becoming childless in old age. According to our calculations, based on Goskomstat data for 1995, the probability that a mother will outlive her son is 32%!Only parents of two or three or more children have a fairly reliable guarantee against losing them all.”
Moreover, they lose a child now, as a rule, not in infancy - infant mortality has recently, thank God, increased slightly. They lose, alas, in adolescence, when it is too late for parents to think about another baby. But since this “can happen to anyone, but not to us,” people live in a world of illusions. Without regard to statistics.

If there is only one child in the family

If for some reason, and very serious ones, your child remains your only one, try to mitigate the negative consequences of raising one child in the family and turn them into a positive one. How? First, develop and encourage altruism everywhere and always. Let the child learn from childhood to help others, to do something for others: for grandparents, godfather...
A good lifesaver in this case... a summer cottage. There is usually more than enough work in the garden and vegetable garden, and the activity is aimed at the benefit of the whole family.
In a family with one child, it is very important to maintain connections with relatives. An only child needs a large family. Then he will practically not suffer from loneliness.
Of course, you can try to make up for the lack of brothers or sisters with friends, but family ties are something special. This is much deeper than just a commonality of tastes and interests. Let the child have no brothers or sisters, but there will be cousins, second cousins, fourth cousins... and at least the seventh water on jelly! The second part of the word – “relatives” – is especially significant here.
There is another opportunity to “give” a child a brother and sister: become someone’s godmother. It is wonderful when a child perceives a godbrother or sister as close relatives. But for this, of course, you also need to consider your godson a member of your family.

The most common reason for the widespread negative attitude towards early fatherhood and motherhood is that recent school graduates understand little in life, and therefore are not ready to approach raising a child with full responsibility and intelligence. It’s not even that they haven’t had enough fun, but such marriages often break up after several years of “playing at adults” - the reason is youthful maximalism, the inability to build long-term relationships, and the lack of one’s own life position and experience.

Another disadvantage of having children early is financial insolvency. Pregnancy and maternity leave immediately after school or college deprive the family of a significant part of the total budget. A young father, as a rule, who does not work in the highest paid position, will not always be able to give the child and his mother everything that is necessary. Therefore, such families often depend on relatives.

In addition, at a time when all single or childless friends gain financial independence from their parents, begin to regularly update their gadgets, and vacation abroad, a young family is forced to change their spending priorities and save. This happens until the woman goes to work, and even later a significant share of her earnings goes to the child, and not to entertainment.

As for employment, this is also a separate disadvantage. If a young mother did not work before the baby was born, she may have problems, since all employers are sure: a small child means eternal sick days and days off. Of course, no one can refuse for this reason, but there is a possibility that after the interview they will give preference to a childless candidate.

A young married couple, as a rule, has parents who are not old, that is, they are not pensioners who can devote themselves entirely to the child, thereby providing the opportunity for the newly-made mother and father to work and relax. However, this circumstance can be considered as a plus, because in this case they can always help.

Advantages of having a child in a young family

As for the advantages of motherhood and fatherhood at a young age, there are quite a few of them, as it might seem at first glance. One of the most important positive aspects is that young couples are not too “confused”, so many things go easier for them. If she is a 35-year-old woman, she thoroughly studies all the problems related to pregnancy, early development of the baby, medications, diseases, kindergartens, toy manufacturers, and so on. Such parents must have everything under control, so their heads are filled with information, which in some cases is unnecessary. But for young people, a lot goes away by itself, because at this age you look at life differently. By the way, as for the difficult sleepless nights in the first year of a child’s life, young parents remember this less often, since the requirements for routine and comfort up to 25 years are not too strict for most.

Another important advantage of having a child in a young family is the health of the parents. In conditions of poor ecology and the presence of many years of bad habits, by the age of thirty, people may have acquired diseases that will affect the baby. In addition, the risk of pathology and the development of congenital anomalies of the fetus is much higher if the expectant mother is over 35 years old.

Families with early children are also happy because the full life of parents begins when many experience the first difficulties associated with having children. For example, a 20-year-old woman and man have a baby. At first, older and energetic relatives actively help them, but then the child grows up, their own mothers and fathers retire, and the careers of the young people move up. After 30 years, traveling begins - individually and together with a child; there is still a lot of energy to find a hobby or engage in extreme sports. But for those who delayed, real withdrawal occurs during this period. Until recently, everything was there - career, nightlife, travel, money, freedom - but now it all comes down to a screaming baby and his needs. It is in older mothers that postpartum depression is longer and deeper.

Sometimes they say that at an early age, future parents completely lack the instinct of motherhood or fatherhood, supposedly they themselves need care. This is a very controversial argument, but it is true that it is easier for children to find a common language with a young mother and father. It’s enough to think that if a child was born to a couple at 35 years old, then most likely they will be able to take a walk with their own child only after their 60th birthday, or even later. And this despite the fact that the average lifespan of a man in Russia is 59 years! That is, there is a high probability that the child will get back on his feet after college without any parental support at all.