Myths of female happiness, or as a fairy tale to make the fair Ardzinba Victoria Anatolyevna

Women - weak floor

Women - weak floor

A certain stereotype of the distribution of roles in family life implies a strong man, the owner, such a dominant male and a weak, submissive woman, a harness-trouble. Such a distribution of roles is due to the fact that all the activities of the men are extended outside the house, and the circle of women's duties is outlined inside it and aims to "maintain fire" of the home. If the spouses somehow change roles - society begins to condemn and make fun of such a family, calling a man with a repeater, and a woman is an authoritarian fragment.

This ridicule is felt in fairy tales, for example: "Morozko", "Tinch-Havroshchka", "Cinderella", "Tale of a fisherman and a fish." From the part it may seem that in these fairy tales a wife having power over her husband is happy. He performs all her whims and desires. It creates the illusion that it is comfortable to live with the "repeater". But in the same fairy tales, we see that the husbands do not please them, they still remain unhappy, irritating and angry: "An old woman is still scolding:" Durachin you, a diverse! ""

The man-podkinnik is depicted by a quiet, silent, unnecessarily timid, that is, not manifesting his strengths, his masculinity. The powerful wife all the time "kicks" and drives, provoking that he manifest himself as a "real" man. Sometimes the spouse is trying to object to his wife, but her stern look and the post of "Hands in Boki" stop these pitiful attempts: "Silent, silent!" "He immediately exclaims and shall carry out the order." Not getting the desired result, she infuses and is even more in him. About any love can no longer be anything, the family "nest" begins to resemble the field of Brahi.

So, in fairy tales, stepmothers are depicted by power, ruthless and also insidious. They are forcibly put on their orders in the house (in such plots there is a hidden matriarchy). And this is an explicit home-building in society! What was the reason for this "flutter"? Since the life of the woman was limited within the family, the change in the status (for example, marriage) changed its position with the dysfunction on the hostess at home. In such a status, a woman who captures all the nuances of the character of a man and feeling in itself and unbridled energy could really become a full-fledged hostess in the house, literally "driving" under himself a man.

So who is actually the owner in the house? In the fairy tale S. M. Marshak "Old woman, the door to close!" It is clearly shown how the spouses are fighting for leadership in the house and that it turns out. Before the festive day of the old woman, as it believes the Radious Mistress, it began to "cook, stew and oven", that is, was passionate about the economic hassle. Nothing says that the old man did at this time, but he suddenly became cold, and he asked his wife to close the door. What could answer this absorbed woman? "I'm just the door and close, there is no other thing!"- sounded in response. Husband, not wanting to surrender, started a prosperity, and then offered the game "Molchanka" - who first will say the word, he will go to close the door. Apparently, both spouses were obsessed and therefore were silent all evening, not wanting to lose. Wife for the sake of a dispute threw cooking. So they were sitting in silence, darkness and cold, while thieves were not climbed into the house. Asking "Who lives in a house?"And without having received a response, they took everything they could, up to the pies and other dishes prepared for the holiday.

The old man with the old woman was so fascinated by the struggle and so sought to defeat at any cost that did not pay attention to the real threat - robbery in their own home. They did not realize that the damage was not only made by their material well-being, but also harmonious family relations. The first woken the old woman, which, apparently, could not serpently criticize her culinary talents. When the thieves, leaving, began to discuss what "The raw cake", the old woman could not stand and screamed: "Not! My cake is not raw! "The dispute was played, and the old man said to the victorious: "Old woman, close the door!"

Having lost everything, the old man still proved that he could win a dispute, not seeing the senseless struggle could destroy family life. Fighting for the position "Who is the owner in the house," many people think that such leadership is the essence of happiness. But what else should happen to see all the meaning and danger of the war of the sex?

The Russian saying says: "The man is head, a woman - neck: where the neck will turn, there is a head and looks." A man makes a decision, but a woman can competently "deploy" the situation, consciously leaving towards "the background", as if by chance, pointing to the direction they need, providing a man to take responsibility for himself. It is very important - to move aside in time, because at this moment a man gets the opportunity to show its best qualities. After a while, a man suddenly begins to understand that he got on the hook of a languid look, a tender smile and ingratiated voice, but, as they say, the neck has already turned in the right direction.

How does this happen? The driven by the hunting instinct in achieving the goal, aspiring to her, as if horse in Shorakh, a man stops seeing and responding to surrounding events. This is where the woman comes to the rescue, who, seeing the variety of solutions, chooses the most appropriate and unfolds "head" in the right direction. This is ideal. It would be good here to remember the anatomy. Then it becomes clear that the neck is simply so, by itself, can not turn. We need an impulse sent from the brain located in the very head. Immediately the question arises: who whom and most importantly, where does it turn? If two loving people are described all the time, as a single organism, then they need to act together as a single organism. And if "the bad head of rest legs does not give", what can we talk about other parts of the body depending on this "bad head"?

With all the "unity and struggle of the opposites", striving for harmony in family relations, the woman still balances the man. But if the head becomes too heavy (the Omese is where to give?!), Then the neck, in the end, will not be able to maintain balance. There is a moment when even the most inflamed neck of the bodybuilder is not capable of holding this very head. The reasons for that abound. Equilibrium can be violated directly opposite requirements for a woman, for example: it should be weak and at the same time strong.

Near the weak woman easier to look strong, but when this very "strength" is missing, you immediately have to look around for a woman - Savior Mol! And then the forehead comes to the fore, which is able to endure all the lives of life: "In trouble - does not raise," will save. " Great and calmly, without any fuss, performs everything that a man cannot make. There is no choice at this moment, for if not she, then who? But, as soon as the difficult stage behind, the woman needs to go into the shadow, skipping a man on an extercane, who has already flushed feathers for the spectacular Gogol.

In the "fairy tale about Nur-hell-Dina and Mariam-Kusachnice" from the famous arch of fairy tales "Thousand and One Night" is remarkably described. Mariam fights for his freedom and protects the beloved. When the girl asks Nur-hell-din to help her in a fight, he answers a comic poem confirming his cowardice. Mariam is especially not surprised by such a revelation, and she does not have anything else, how to offer young people to hide behind her. However, Nur-Ad-Dean, rescued by almost under the women's skirt, expresses a hardness in judgment about how the beloved should dress - even escape from persecution, it is necessary to enter the city only in Izar (women's harenar) and the bedspread. This very "hardness" leads to the deposits - due to the search for the "necessary" clothes, the gangsters kidnap the gangsters and Nur-hell-Dina, it is necessary to drive her from captivity, all the time getting into trouble, and sometimes it becomes incomprehensible who save whom actually saves . It is also noteworthy that when lovers retell their misadventures of Califa, he exclaims: "How many people have to endure her husbands!"And what are we, women, can I answer this?

In the eall game "Hyperships-catch" woman tries to act on a par with a man. Considering fabulous images, comparing male and female characters, you can see that the woman passes no less tests on its path. For example, Ivan Tsarevich goes beyond the princess frog for thirty lands, but Maritre is launched in search of her narrowed - the finista is clear to the three-year kingdom. The girl does not even confuse a warning: "Before three pairs of iron shoes will escape, three copyright stones are breaking, three stone bread will be set up". It goes without thinking without fear of difficulties and deprivation. After all, it has been laid since childhood - to save, no matter what. You can remember Gero and Alenushka, saving their brothers at such a young age that sometimes they wonder how they had strength and courage to have such trials. Nastya from the fairy tale "Scarlet flower" sacrifices his freedom for the sake of his father's life. This is a manifestation of unconditional love - they love, without demanding anything in return, and are ready to sacrifice their own life for such love. These feelings manifest themselves not only to the bridegroom, but also to the fathers and brothers.

Sometimes a woman can say: "What to do? This is my cross! " - And this cargo carries, undermining power and health. You can say any way to say that men are well and comfortably settled, but in many ways women themselves allow such a state of affairs, supporting the myth of humility and female weakness, extinguishing themselves to exhaustion. Loading itself in a similar way, a woman not only cries his own life, but also prevents the development and self-realization of a man. He has no need to show resistance, strength and exposure when it makes it "weak floor". Sometimes banal non-knowledge prevents the potential to disclose the potential, detect the resource. In order for a man to show his strength, a woman does not necessarily be weak, enough to move aside, having freed him a field for activity.

I listen to the history of the client who applied for psychological advice. Galina is a quiet, modest middle-aged woman. Married, has three children - two daughters and younger son. To feed such a big family, Galina works in two works. Came to consult in the hope of "normalizing" the atmosphere in the house.

"You see, Andrei, my husband, a man is very emotional. If something does not suit - instantly explodes. So can't stay for a long time for any work,- tells Galina, as if apologizing tone. - I understand that he has a difficult character, I try not to annoy him, especially when he has difficult moments in life, for goodbye. Just sometimes there is no strength to endure all these attacks. But what to do is my cross, I can do as I can. The girlfriends could have been convicted at all time, but I can't leave Andrei - he would disappear without me. "

Galina, being the main breadwinner in the family, can not spend a penny without the knowledge and harmony of her husband. She got used to assume that her husband was head and he needed to obey. In children with the father of the relationship, by and large, do not fold. They are afraid, and when "dad is not in the spirit," they try to get across the eyes less. Recently, due to the lack of work, it often dwells in a bad mood, "waking up" at home. The younger son, the first grader, suffers from Enurrez.

"Husband believes that it does not have a disease, I simply bring up a child incorrectly. Andrei wants to make a "real man" son and strong enough with him communicates. Sometimes, as the shrink, the son is already shuddered. Well, what can I do? Once it tried to argue that we were not in the army and in front of him, and not a soldier, but only all spoiled. Husband such a scandal arranged! Now I try not to interfere with male education. With the girls, the husband is quieter, but still keeps them in rigor. He says that "do not dismiss".

So, if, on the advice of girlfriends, I will be learned, how do children without male education prove? And I will not raise them all three. And my husband does not drink and does not walk and does not always sit without work, so it is impossible to prevent any particular complaints. Well, Garknet, it happened, but I never raised my hand, "- Galina looks at me with a questioning look.

According to her, it becomes clear what mixed feelings it is experiencing. She tries to be a good wife and mother, but in response it does not receive any support and gratitude. Her love turned into a "cross", which should be carried, despite everything, and she herself became a sacrifice. She not only can not withstand her home tyrant, but not even able to protect his children from him. Enuresis, who suffers from her younger son is a disturbing signal. Of course, there is a mass of theories and hypotheses regarding this disease, but to exclude the psychological factor, nevertheless, it is not worth it. The son is afraid of his father and does not feel support from the mother. Galina "does not interfere in male education", not aware of what fruits can bring like "Mushtra." Daughters, in her words, the husband does not tear (and thanks!), But how to deal with family scenarios? What example of a family model see children? Galina does not think about the fact that girls, matured, subconsciously can look for themselves in her husbands of such despots. Thinking that she retains the family for children, Galina "lays out" in them a negative example of a family relationship, where the father is tyrant, and the mother is a victim. It should not be forgotten that the victim "leaves" from life is usually the first. Yes, and in two works it is easy to undermine your health. Then it certainly will "raise" her children.

Pottakaya husband and thinking that "carries his cross," she corvested by his permissiveness and absence of unsubsion. A husband who did not realize himself in work, begins to "play" on the family, who redeem all his annoyance and anger on weak, that is, on those who cannot confront him.

Galina, working on two works, bringing the main income into the family, however, can not imagine how to grow one three children. Maybe "to feed" them will be much easier when there is no such a fucking? And "Family atmosphere", to build it came, will become more relaxed and healthy? In this situation, Galina needs to look from the part of his life and the lives of their children and answer one of the only question: "She and her children of such a lifetime are worthy of?"

Men, similar to Andrei, always feel good, the duality of the requirements for women, and skillfully use it. On the one hand, they need a good mistress in the house - hard work and the bad, conquering strength and will, but on the other hand, they need support and support due to the inability to be implemented in society. Easy to host your own impotence on those who, in view of certain factors (upbringing, temperament, weakness, mental strength), can not give them a decent story, they feed their loyalty. It is about such that in the proverb: "Well done among sheep, and on a well done - and sheep himself."

It is easy to dissect weak, demonstrating its superiority. Moreover, it is possible to submit this as if this is done for the sake of its good. But to impose his will - does not mean to take care of someone. Caring is a disinterested manifestation of tenderness and participation. So really in order to encourage this man, you need to become weak, dependent and submissive? Sometimes public opinion prescribes a woman to be such in order for a man to make it easier to show their feelings. But then it says, rather, about the weakness of a man, not a woman, and there is no way about his strength and inevitable.