It would seem that getting old in the queue is a very anecdotal story. But in Russia such a situation, as it turned out, can become a completely gloomy truth. The Sleptsov family, living in Volgograd, dropped out of the "Young Family" housing program, because over the years of waiting for their turn, the spouses no longer fit the age requirements.

Now the family huddles in a small rented house in the village of Maxim Gorky. Several years ago, after the birth of their second son, the Sleptsovs got into the Young Family program. Then they were assigned the number 615 and told to wait their turn. Each year the spouses received a new serial number, but on September 17 this did not happen. They were told that you were removed from the program, as your age has exceeded 35 and now they are not a young family.

“Of course, we were outraged, because I have the 2013 edition of this program, which said that the main thing is that you join the program in the queue until one of the spouses is 35 years old, and then you are moving forward according to how this the program is running "- says Anna Sleptsova.

The family applied to various authorities: from the district administration and the prosecutor's office to the presidential aide. The same answer came from everywhere - such a law and nothing can be done. And the Sleptsovs would probably have calmed down if it had not been for the answer they received from officials at the first trial.

“During the trial, a representative of the Volgograd administration told us that this program was not funded for two years, that is, for two years we stood in vain. At the trial, we asked that these two years at least freeze us and increase the length of our queue for these two years. We were refused. We also asked to provide us with information about the numbering and surnames of those participants who were also in the queue, so that we could track the transparency of our queue. " - notes Anna.

But this family was also refused. Substantial assistance from the state in the amount of more than 700 thousand plus maternity capital - this money would be enough for their housing. By the way, getting into the program is quite difficult. You must meet the requirements, collect a lot of certificates and get into the queue. By the way, in 2018 the program was modified and transferred to the construction committee. They noted that from the beginning of the year, the queue began to move faster in the Volgograd region.

“Only this year our committee started to exercise these powers. This year, 157 million rubles are allocated to provide housing for young families, including 75 million from the regional budget. Within the framework of the project, in 2018, 305 young families will be able to improve their living conditions, the implementation has already been actively started this year and 94 families have already purchased living quarters, we have received applications for payment of purchase agreements, or for payment of an existing mortgage loan " - says Lidia Zueva, Head of the Housing Policy Department of the Construction Committee of the Volgograd Region.

One of the options proposed by the committee, which will help not to get into a similar situation as with the Sleptsov family, is a mortgage with a low interest rate. Starting this summer, all participants of the "young family" program can take it. And then, when it’s their turn for a subsidy, they’ll pay part of the debt with money from the state. Of course, there are requirements here. For example, the presence of a second and subsequent children, and the term of such a low rate is no more than 8 years. But this is for those who are still participating in the program. And the “not young family” of the Sleptsovs is not going to give up. Now they want to file a complaint with another court, so they are asking Volgograd residents who are faced with a similar situation to respond.

The usual family model, in which a man is a leader and head, has practically sunk into oblivion. So what remains on the rubble of patriarchy?

The ideology of socialism, which was promoted in the USSR, convinced many that only in a work collective can a person realize himself, revealing his potential, and the problems of his personal life are trifles that are not worth attention. Successful career advancement is not the lot of a burdened family man, but a loner who devotes most of his time to work. Women sitting on sick leave because of children cause only disapproval from the authorities and the team. As well as men, whose heads are busy not with overfulfillment of the plan, but with the placement of children in school. Actually, this is how generations grew up for which the family has ceased to be the main value. As a result, divorce, abandoning an unwanted child, rejecting someone's love without regret have become commonplace.

The revolution in relations between men and women, in their family, professional and civic roles, is of no small importance. The patriarchy has long rested in the Bose, now men do not dominate families, ideas about gender roles have become very flexible. The main reason for this is the growth in the number of working and decently earning women. They have long ceased to be dependent on men. Business ladies are not satisfied with the role of a submissive performer of male will, they themselves make decisions both at work and at home. However, this forces them to be constantly torn between the desire (or need) to earn money and the desire to raise children, leading to stress and the “business woman syndrome”.

The rise of feminism and the sexual revolution led to frequent intercourse outside of marriage. Sex has ceased to be part of the notions of love and fidelity, and has shifted to the sphere of entertainment.

kinopoisk.ru

From the middle of the 20th century, the family model began to wither away, in which a man and a woman needed each other, first of all, as helpers in the arrangement of everyday life and raising children. Modern people need the family to satisfy their highest needs - moral and mental. Because of this, partners have become more demanding of each other. Now they want from the family not only material well-being, but also happiness - a new psychological ideal, which is very difficult to achieve, because true love is extremely rare.

People spend less and less time with each other, seeking to think more about their personal happiness than about the well-being of their partner and children. Often the family becomes a source of stress, because if a man and a woman are constantly working, they have little time and energy left.

Marriage has ceased to be something unshakable. Breaking up a relationship, getting a divorce has become as easy as going to the store. Therefore, every year the stamp in the passport is treated less and less seriously, sometimes even denying its necessity.

In our country, there are more and more so-called "mother families" in which children are brought up without men. Excessive maternal feeling prevails in them, and love for children becomes stronger than love for husband, the energy of femininity passes into the energy of motherhood, creating an imbalance. After all, if a woman, in principle, can live without a man, then it is very difficult for a child to grow up without a father. It is obvious that life without a father impoverishes more than life without a husband.

The most important reason for the crisis in the modern family is the lack of effective communication skills among partners. Often people get married hoping that after the wedding they will be able to re-educate their partner in what does not satisfy them (habits or outlook on life annoy them). However, instead of discussing these points, they just pee, not wanting to spoil the relationship.

Often, a man and a woman are deceived in their expectations. Thus, a husband can expect obedience from his wife, taking care of him. And his wife expects romantic love from him, help with housekeeping. If everyone behaves contrary to their partner's expectations, feelings of deception and anxiety arise.

A compromise is possible if spouses openly discuss their feelings with each other and make mutual concessions. The best spouses are usually those who know how to listen to their partner and are ready to adjust their behavior according to his wishes.

Main photo: kinopoisk.ru

The universal law consists of one simple wisdom - do not do others badly, so that they do not do badly to you, but to this you can safely add "And so as not to worsen your karma."

One of the worst karmic actions is betrayal - the karma of a man who abandoned his family is very negative, because he caused a lot of pain and suffering to the woman. And therefore, the reckoning for such an indecent deed will inevitably overtake him, and when it seemed that everything had long been forgotten - these are the laws of the world.

What karma becomes when a husband betrays?

“The laws of karma (as opposed to legislation) cannot be circumvented. If you try to evade your karmic responsibilities, they will overtake you and force you to fulfill your duty in a tougher and even; ugly shape. You will suffer, but the Universe will force you to put out the energy that it needs in its Great Development (but if your soul is in harmony with your karmic tasks, then most likely you will be happy) "

The meaning of the family is to protect each other, to give their love and kindness, to continue the family line in an atmosphere of comfort and spiritual harmony. This is one of the most important tasks of any person. Alas, but modern life lays its mark - now it has become fashionable to leave your wife with young children, does not really care about the feelings of a once loved one, wave at everything and think only about yourself.

But, according to karmic laws, such an act is completely negative, it greatly worsens the karma of a man, and also deprives him of the opportunity to be loved in the future.

In general, a person's karma is made up precisely of his actions - good ones improve the aura, make our fate cleaner and more joyful, but bad actions entail cruel retribution and life lessons that will have to be worked out and learned against their will.

Since in marriage, the man takes on the role of the breadwinner and strength, he has a great responsibility. The current gentlemen do not always cope with this and prefer to simply run away, leaving the woman alone, without help and support.

That is, men personally deny their direct destiny to be the protection and head of the family. The Universe reads this and ... really deprives a man of all his advantages, and sometimes even sexual power.

“Karma of a man in the most general terms is an opportunity and a duty to be a creator, builder, and mover of humanity. A man who actively breaks through the darkness of the unknown is a fighter, an invader of new spaces, new knowledge, new perfection. He is a Man, and much is forgivable to him. The karma of a woman is to be all that will provide the Man (and Humanity) with movement, development, construction and perfection. Apparently, this task is a little more difficult, so the woman was initially given a little more of everything: a little more opportunities and a little more responsibilities, a little more potential strength and a little more problems, a little more intuition and a little more tests for the soul ”

From the book "Karma of a Woman, Karma of a Man"

The karma of those men who abandon their young children is especially denigrated - such an offense will entail real retribution, which cannot be gotten rid of. Not only does a man leave his family, he deprives the defenseless creation of his love and care, literally refuses it, although he himself gave birth to it.

The more suffering and pain such an act brings to loved ones, the more powerful the karmic retribution will be. The sufferings of small children completely blacken her to such a state that sometimes she has to pay her karmic bills in subsequent lives.

The whole horror of this is that the child cannot imagine why his father abandoned him, he considered him to be something constant, one of the closest people, and therefore the sudden father's departure forever distorts the fate of the child.

It is for this reason that many of those who abandoned their families, in the future, lead by no means a happy life, and this only aggravates over the years, grows - karma enters the course. Men leave for a variety of reasons, but if this departure was not motivated by weighty arguments (for example, if the wife cheated or treats her husband badly), then this will definitely worsen karma.

Although many representatives of the stronger sex sincerely believe that this is their personal right: I want - I get married, I want - I get divorced. But this is not the case. You have no right to take responsibility for the other person and create an alliance with him, so that in the end you just destroy him and leave your partner alone with your pain.

If you are not ready to be with one woman all your life, to give birth to children and put them on their feet, taking care of them, then it is better not to start a family.

“The karmic task of a man is the conquest of the World, the divine penetration of the soul into the densest matter of the Universe. A man is exploring new lands and spaces. He boldly goes into the unknown. In territory reclaimed from Eternity, he builds beautiful castles and grows shoots that will nourish new generations of builders and explorers. He is a doer and creator. And it doesn't matter what a man does: sows bread, builds cities and ships, discovers new laws of the physical world or the subtle world of the human psyche, improves technology, provides people with the comfort of earthly existence, etc. - the main thing is that he does it like can be more thorough. Everything that a man builds should serve the Harmony of the World. And if this is so, then the man fulfills his main karmic task. He is a doer. He is a ray of sunshine penetrating the dense matter of our world. He fills everything he touches with the light of reason. He is a logician. He learns the laws of Nature and puts them at the service of reason. He tames a wild beast named Chaos, he brings order to life. He is a creator and builder "

From the book "Karma of a Woman, Karma of a Man"

In fact, this quote makes it clear how far modern men are from their primary task, from their own essence. Denying his main tasks and his destiny, a man seems to send a signal into space: “I don’t want to be a man, I don’t like it, I don’t cope with my earthly duties”.

In the future, the fate of the one who abandoned his family and caused her a lot of pain is completely unseemly: many of those who abandoned their wives and children begin to drink, slide down the slope. As if there is no place for them in this world, they begin to have difficulties with work, difficulties in the sexual sphere and in personal life. This is karma.

Does a wife feel the pain of an abandoned husband: a woman's karma

“A woman herself is called upon to generate life, apparently, that is why all the contradictions of life are concentrated in her literally in an exaggerated form! Men won't dream of such problems even in a nightmare "

From the book "Karma of a Woman, Karma of a Man"

In fact, women are now leaving just as often as men. And although the fair sex does not have such tremendous karmic tasks as a man has, there is still something that negatively affects a woman's karma - this is pain and moral torment that the abandoned man is going through.

Naturally, even after the former feelings cool down or their disappearance, people for some time remain connected with each other by invisible threads. Many women ask - can an ex-wife feel the feelings of an abandoned spouse? Everything here is individual, because spiritual development and esoteric abilities are different for all of us.

If the love between you was strong, and you are good at understanding people, you have a certain gift from nature, then you will feel vague feelings at a time when the abandoned man will suffer most acutely. For other women, this goes completely without a trace: they do not feel anything, or even are in a certain euphoric state from their newfound freedom.

But do not forget about karmic retribution - if you left a man who did not deserve such a fate, then you doomed yourself to work it out in later life.

In addition, such actions have a flip side, a mirror side - according to the teachings of karma, after a while you will be awaiting the same evil that you did to someone in the past. But only strengthened several times so that you repent of what you have done and understand how much pain you made the loyal side feel.

“And the woman? The woman herself is like a part of matter, a part of divine Nature, to which the sunbeam touches. In any case, she is closer to matter and therefore can help a man understand matter, or rather, feel it. A wise woman is like a guide helping to penetrate a male ray of light into the very depths of matter. It is like a lens that can scatter a too hard beam, soften its radiance, or, on the contrary, collect and concentrate a ray of male light for more subtle and precise work. We can say that a woman is a cell of the body of the Primordial Deity. She is intuitive and sensitive. A man is a spark of the Divine Mind striving to realize his body "

From the book "Karma of a Woman, Karma of a Man"

It can be concluded that a man cannot have a full life without a woman, exactly the same as vice versa. Initially, both of these materials - male and female, are designed to merge together, this allows a couple to achieve unprecedented success, support each other in everything and create an ideal family lifestyle in which everyone is good and comfortable.

When a woman leaves a man, she also deprives him of an important part, without which it becomes very difficult for him. To some extent, the departure of the wife from the family can break the future life of the abandoned spouse, if he loses his strength and faith in himself.

And in this case, alas, the karma of the ex-wife or companion will also worsen. After all, each of us has quite obvious tasks in this world, and an unjustified separation can cause acute pain comparable to physical - as if a piece of the body was cut off from a person alive. And this, naturally, is a bad karmic act.

For this reason, the karma of a man who abandoned his family and the karma of a woman who abandoned her companion is in many ways similar. And it would be a mistake to believe that a woman will have to pay less for her karmic debts in the future, and a man more. Here, rather, it plays the role of secondary factors - for example, the weaker half of humanity prefers to leave their husbands only for good reasons - when the husband cheats, drinks or is assaulted.

Naturally, in such situations, there is no need to talk about any karma, the man deserves it. But the stronger sex is more often guided by a base instinct - to leave the family, because it is hard, because children interfere with a career, because the wife's figure has deteriorated and she has ceased to be beautiful. And it is in such cases that we begin to talk about betrayal, about a bad deed and that a person will face karmic retribution.

Foto: Scanpix

Once I got into a conversation with a young woman, about the age of thirty. And she was surprised that she did not want to get married, did not want to have a family, and even more so - children. “All these family values, motherhood, sacrifice, femininity are no longer relevant! Now no one is concerned about this! ” - she exclaimed. "What are you worried about?" - I was surprised. "Something else!" - the girl answered evasively, and I wanted to understand this problem.

The fact that this is a problem, I see by many signs: by children who are becoming more and more left to their own devices, by the numerous examples of broken families, by the loneliness that surrounds me everywhere, writes MyJane.ru. People stopped working in the name of their love, they also stopped loving for real, replacing close relationships, which require a lot of attention and strength, with surrogates of casual and short-lived relationships. What's going on with us?

What are we concerned about?

My interlocutor replied: "Something else!" - and I tried to imagine what it could be. Unfortunately, I came to disappointing conclusions. I could not find anything that could fully replace the happiness of a warm family hearth, a house in which love and tranquility reign, in which you are comfortable and always welcome, where you can be yourself and you will not have to break yourself for it. Perfect picture. This practically does not happen now, because it requires a lot of work. Nothing comes for free, especially building your own home. But we don't want to strain. At work, they strain, even at home to come off. So we “break away”, not caring about who is next to us and how they feel from our “separation”. What is modern man preoccupied with?
Success,
Career,
Enjoyment.

Ultimately, YOURSELF!

Yourself, loved one, unique, special, original, talented, beautiful, smart, etc.
Achieving your success
Reaching your comfort
By their interests ...

Many of us, deep down, think only of ourselves. Even in love and friendship in the sense that excludes the concept of family and home.

Of course, everyone puts their own meanings into these concepts, but, in general, we are similar. “I'd rather travel the world than take care of my home nest! It's boring! How much time is wasted on household chores, and who needs them! ”

Yes, you also need it to be comfortable, so that there is the very concept of home, that is, places where you and your family members can relax and unwind. And your efforts never go in vain, because you put your time, energy, love into them, which spreads to others.

To be honest, I don't really like ironing clothes and cleaning floors either, but I really respect cleanliness. You can, of course, hire a housekeeper and a nanny, give the house and your child into their hands, and go on a trip around the world. And the family? Who needs her today ...

Home and family as a mental support

For many people, the house turns into just a place to spend the night. We spend most of our lives outside the home: in the office, in the workshop, in a shop, in a club, in a pub, on the street, etc. A child who has barely learned to walk and talk goes from home to kindergarten, to a circle, to school, to a university, then to the same office. And he runs home, really, only to spend the night and tomorrow, early in the morning, again go somewhere beyond its borders. We give our son or daughter into the hands of people who are essentially indifferent to them. Of course, you can find a good nanny, a kind and intelligent teacher, a talented teacher, a prestigious school and kindergarten. But they will never be able to replace the child's own mother and father and that unique atmosphere at home, which is necessary for every person as the mental basis of his existence.

It is in the family that we find satisfaction of our most important needs in
- attention;
- recognition;
- complicity;
- help.

Here we ourselves learn to give and give warmth, which will become the main condition of our personal happy life. Our parents, whether they like it or not, give us a model of relationships that we, one way or another, will embody in our adult life.

If our mother had no time to bake pies, wash dishes and communicate with us, because she was preoccupied with her career, survival, her own interests, then her children inherit exactly the same model of life.

Mom teaches the child to love!

Read more

And love is very often similar to sacrifice. The lover is truly more focused on giving than receiving. What lesson can a mother give a child, who is not used to investing in a family and does not know how to give her strength and attention to her beloved people, her loved ones.

Many women perceive household chores as hard work and an unbearable burden, consider themselves to be housekeepers and bring everyone at home with their constant claims of ingratitude. And yet it is in this way that they show their love. Doing something for another, we give him a part of our soul and our warmth. Without this, a house is impossible, whatever is meant by this concept.

Home is a haven for the soul

The house is a rather broad category, which we are used to looking at in a somewhat too narrow way. We associate a house with an apartment, walls, an enclosed space of a home and with loved ones. But if you look at the house through the eyes of an advanced modern person, you can see it in all its breadth of meaning. Home is a mental support for a person, what makes his life meaningful. Home can be the whole planet, and a group of friends, and a cafe where you like to drink coffee in the morning, and a minibus in which you go to work every day, and an office where you have to stay most of your life. Home in a broad sense is a place where you feel good, where your essence freely manifests itself, where you are the way God created you.

And if you are not comfortable within the four walls that the people around you are used to calling your house, you, of course, prefer it to travel around the world, tents, hostels and even lawns in the park. And all because neither you nor your loved ones took care of what to create a HOUSE within these four walls.

It is precisely this “something else”, in my opinion, that the young woman who does not want to have a family dreams of. She does not need a nominal house, formal family, apartment, children, etc. She does not want to have such a family as her own or the family of her friends and acquaintances ... This is not a family - this is horror! She needs a home as a haven for her soul.

Family ceased to be a value

Indeed, what to look for examples far. Now there are just one or two happy families. Everyone has some problems, scandals, claims, the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages. Everyone is afraid of relationships and work on them, and in order to avoid mistakes and losses, they agree to civil marriages, cohabitation, temporary ties, or even their absence at all, because everyone is concerned only with YOURSELF!

Beautiful fairy tales about ideal relationships, which occasionally flash on screens, only inflame hostility to the real family model, which, alas, is too far from them. Why create a family where disorder, indifference, selfishness, mutual claims and constant criticism will reign, where you are not noticed, ignored or too pressed and stifled by your dictate. Why do I need this deep insanity of family ties, which oblige, force, load, immerse, suck in. Freedom to Yuri Detochkin! I will find something different for myself!

Fortunately, a person is still determined to look for this “something else”, without realizing to himself that he is looking for exactly what he declaratively refused. That is, a modern person, no matter how swagger he may or may not stick his head in the sand of his own illusions, wants the same thing that they wanted and expected from an ordinary family before. Love, warmth, understanding, calmness, help, recognition.

Only now he forgets that this process cannot be one-sided, you have to pay for everything, in this case with the same coin: love, warmth, attention, time, etc. There is no other way.

And there is no need to despair seeing examples of unhappy families. They are unhappy just because they didn't want to invest in their relationship. But without investing, you will not get anything. Only by giving love yourself, learning to do something for others disinterestedly, and not to receive gratitude or a reciprocal act, just because you love them and want to make their life more pleasant, warm and worthy. Sometimes it doesn't even cost any huge sacrifice, effort or time. Just a smile, a hug, a joke, attention, a word, a call, a text message, or anything that is directed not at oneself, but at a loved one.

In reality, people do not disagree because someone in a pair does not fit their horoscope partner or says few compliments. As studies by Paul Amato and Denise Previti show, the reasons are usually very different.

Self-help articles in recent times there are a lot of things, but home-grown advisers and "experts" sometimes advise us what we should not do under any circumstances. Especially when it comes to family relationships.

In reality, people do not disagree because someone in a pair does not fit their horoscope partner or says few compliments. As studies by Paul Amato and Denise Previti show, the reasons are usually very different. 21.6% of marriages break up due to the unfaithfulness of one of the partners, 19.2% - due to psychological incompatibility, 10.6% - due to the fact that one of the partners uses alcohol or drugs, 9.6% - due to for the fact that partners are moving away from each other. Physical or psychological abuse is the reason for divorce in 5.8% and 4.3%, respectively.

Researcher John Gottman tells Psychology Today that our habits are at the core of everything. And there are at least five "toxic" habits that lead to the breakup of partners who once loved each other. These are the habits.

Regular accusations

This phenomenon in psychology is called "casual attribution": this is when one of the partners associates any problems in the family with the personal characteristics of the other. "You never listen," "You're always too busy," or "This is so typical of you."

The work of Frank Finchman and Thomas Bradbury shows that most stable marriages fall apart because of these generalizations and personal transitions. The habit of associating all the problem with the traits of the partner quickly leads to emotional alienation.

The first sign that this is inherent in your couple is the inability, for example, to act in concert on the road. The husband-driver, for example, asks the wife-passenger to look at the map and tell him where to turn. At some point, both realize that they are going in the wrong direction. The husband immediately begins to accuse his wife that she is “so stupid that she cannot figure out the map,” and she responds furiously that the husband is an idiot himself, and she explained everything correctly. In general, a GPS navigator can undermine any relationship and very often becomes the cause of a quarrel.

Inability to speak

If a situation irritates one of the partners, and he refuses to discuss it, this can become a big problem. She first asks him a question. He sulks and doesn't answer. Then she raises her voice, he gets up and says: “I'm tired of your tantrums. I'm leaving". And leaves the room.

This pattern is quite common, and its repetition can serve as a sure predictor of marital dissatisfaction, depression, divorce, or even physical abuse. This is one of the most common patterns of behavior: the husband complains about the “eternal whining” of his wife, and she, in turn, feels that she has ceased to be interesting for her husband.

If the situation repeats itself often, the marriage will fall apart almost one hundred percent.

No story sharing

Well-known research by Arthur Aron shows that telling stories from everyday life and the habit of asking questions of the interlocutor is an important part of "commitment" to a relationship. If a husband and wife stop sharing stories from work or relationships with friends, the marriage is dead.

The worst thing is that it happens more and more often - electronic gadgets are to blame. Success in a marriage is when the parties show interest and concern for each other. If you stop paying attention to what is happening in your spouse's life, your marriage is definitely in trouble.

Forgiveness only in words

Verbal statements of forgiveness may not be true. The words “I forgive you” often signal that no one has actually forgiven anyone, and with any next skirmish, this resentment will come out. It seems to the offender that his partner does not know how to forgive at all, and the “victim” - that the partner is constantly doing nothing but looking for flaws. If a family member doesn't know how to forgive at all, the relationship will be tough. Or they will disintegrate, which is even more likely.

Wrong distribution of responsibilities

A very common situation: the husband goes to work, and the wife does household chores and children. The first one thinks that he has to live harder, the second suffers from loneliness, poor self-esteem and constantly feels that he is very overwhelmed, but no one appreciates this. Both - criticize each other for laziness and for the fact that he does not do his job well.

Strictly speaking, there is no problem for the wife to work a little as a freelance, and the husband washing the dishes after himself, no. But "patterns" often adopted from parents can ruin a marriage.