Husband drinks. Save your family or divorce? According to individual surveys. Big remark, or you might be so unlucky

30.06.2019

Quarrels are a normal part of any family, but to save a marriage it is very important to be able to talk and understand each other. Otherwise, even a slight misunderstanding and resentment can provoke a break in relations, which, if both spouses wish, can always be saved.

Saving a marriage is important only if the partners still have feelings of love and respect, but against the background of everyday problems, disagreements and misunderstandings appear. Restoring family relationships that will be comfortable for both spouses requires regular and long-term work on oneself. If only one of the spouses is worried about the preservation of the family, then in most cases any efforts will be meaningless, and as a result, the family will still fall apart. It is better to stop such relationships immediately, without wasting energy and nerves in vain.

Since ancient times, a woman has been considered the guardian of the family hearth, and it is on the fragile female shoulders that the duty often falls to negotiate and find compromises in order to save the marriage. To improve family relationships, refresh feelings, or minimize quarrels, psychologists recommend that women do the following:

1. Always remain a person - a wife is interesting to a man only as long as she is interesting to herself. Do not completely immerse yourself in everyday problems. There should always be time for yourself, your appearance, hobbies and communication with childhood friends. Women in Islam pay special attention to looking beautiful for their husband.
2. Talk more with your spouse - do not resort to veiled phrases and subtle hints. The man does not understand them. It is better to talk about your grievances and desires directly and specifically, especially if the husband has cooled off and does not show any attention. In this case, there are more chances for a positive result and a solution to the problem. During a sincere conversation, you do not need to interrupt each other. Let the spouse speak out first, and then you can clarify important nuances and talk about your experiences.
3. All quarrels only in private - you should never swear in front of relatives, friends and children. In this case, the spouses will flaunt each other's shortcomings, which will negatively affect not only personal relationships, but also relationships with those who are present during quarrels.

It is absolutely impossible to quarrel with children, since in this case the child is responsible for preserving the family and reconciling the parents. For a child's psyche, this is very difficult, and a trace is always deposited in the subconscious that family life is problems and misunderstandings. In adulthood, the child will transfer all fears to his family, which will negatively affect his life.

When the question arises of how to save a family, it is necessary first of all to decide whether it is worth doing. It is very important to understand yourself and understand the motives for maintaining a family - love and respect for a spouse or just the fear of being left alone and leaving a child without a full-fledged family. A woman especially needs to think about if a rival has become the cause of problems in the family and love.

How not to argue with your husband

Both spouses should participate in the struggle to preserve the family, so psychologists give advice to men as well. If the husband does not want to bring the situation to a divorce, then he also needs to listen to the advice of professionals:

1. Attention and care is necessary for every woman. Men rarely value their wives for order and comfort, a warm dinner and well-behaved children, although it is these worries that take away the most strength and health. It is important to regularly praise your wife, give her compliments and, if possible, help with the housework. After all, it is not at all difficult to make a bed or wash a cup after yourself, and for a wife such care will be necessary.
2. You should not completely immerse yourself in everyday life. A stamp in the passport is not yet a reason to relax and forget that a woman needs to be constantly conquered. You can invite your wife to a restaurant for no particular reason, arrange a date, or just give a bouquet of wildflowers when your beloved does not expect it.
3. The wife should always come first - neither work, nor relatives, nor friends should be more important than spending time with your spouse. No matter how much a woman loves and does not want to save her family, if she does not feel important and needed, nothing good will come of it.
4. A spouse needs to be inspired - next to her man, a woman wants to become better, and if her efforts are appreciated, then the wife will do everything in her power to make her beloved and attentive spouse happy.

With the ability and desire to listen and hear each other, the spouses will be able to save the marriage and significantly improve relationships, even if the cause of the problem is the betrayal of the wife or husband.

How to survive a crisis in a relationship?

Do not forget that crises arise in family life, and this is normal. The most difficult years of marriage are the first year after the wedding, the third, seventh, fifteenth and twenty-fifth year of married life. It is during these intervals that couples most often think about divorce. To save a family, you need to follow the recommendations of psychologists:

Surprises are the best way to bring novelty into a relationship and cheer each other up at no extra cost (a surprise means not a diamond ring, but a flower for no reason, a romantic dinner at home by candlelight, a sea of balloons after a hard day's work).
Gratitude - instead of mutual reproaches, you need to find a reason to praise your partner every day for even the smallest action (husband drove to work, wife ironed trousers, etc.).
Memories - during crisis situations, it is better to remember the pleasant moments that happened before (acquaintance, date, kiss), if possible, you can repeat these memories, for example, return to those places where the lovers walked at the beginning of the relationship.
Sex - intimate life is an important component of the relationship between a man and a woman, therefore, in times of crisis in the family, you should pay more attention to sex (try new positions, visit a sex shop and buy toys, find out each other's secret desires and bring them to life).

The main task of partners is to spend more time together and look for common interests, and not move away from the family on the verge of divorce. Any - a step to a new stage of life, a new round of stairs. Therefore, it is very important to go through difficult moments together, as a result of which the relationship will become deeper, and the family stronger.

It would be great if the spouses did not quarrel over trifles, did not have opposing views on serious issues. But this practically does not happen. Minor quarrels often develop into weeks of silence, resentment and irritation appear in the soul. If you do not try to understand the other partner, do not talk about problems, the marriage may fall apart. But do not bring the situation to an undesirable outcome.

Quarrels in the family: how to stop swearing

Married partners often have different temperaments, outlooks on life,. Therefore, finding compromises is the only possible option to save the family and stop constant quarrels. Usually the woman is more inferior, as the keeper of the family hearth and peace. Let the husband have the last word in contention, this does not mean that your opinion is not taken into account. The wisdom of a woman lies in creating an environment where controversial issues are resolved taking into account the opinions of both spouses.

There are basic rules that will help reduce the number of quarrels in the house:

When discussing a controversial point, express yourself directly, without hidden subtext. Men usually do not see him, so your desire may be misunderstood.
Do not use the phrases "you don't love me" or "you think I'm stupid." The husband will not want to prove otherwise, and you will have additional grievances. All statements must relate directly to the problem.
It is better to discuss the problem directly, without leading questions and caustic remarks. Otherwise, you can get a big scandal out of a small quarrel.
When making a complaint or asking a question, be prepared to receive a truthful answer. If you are just in a bad mood, then you should not provoke your spouse.
Feeling jealous, do not torment your spouse with vain suspicions. Otherwise, he will really begin to look for peace and warmth on the side.
If you are annoyed by your husband's everyday habits, discuss them with him calmly. Explain the negative consequences of his actions, ask him to control his habits.

You can not be silent and accumulate irritation, it will still become the cause of a quarrel. If disagreements arise, you need to discuss them in a timely manner and in a calm tone, showing how important the opinion of your spouse is to you.

Keep the husband in the family

Very often, a woman destroys a marriage with her actions. In order for respect, trust and love to remain with you for many years, you need to take into account the recommendations.

Spend time on your appearance, watch your weight. Keep childhood friends and personal hobbies. By remaining interesting to yourself, you will constantly attract your spouse. So, the desire to constantly be together will overcome any disagreements.

Cheating husband: how to save a relationship

Sometimes the worst fears become reality. You will learn about the betrayal of her husband. The first impulses to leave, get a divorce, pick up the children and go to their mother are replaced by pain, despair, disappointment. But do not rush and destroy the family. Change can be experienced and forgiven. It will take time and the desire of both spouses to save the marriage.

If the man did not leave, then the betrayal was only physiological in nature. The affair is fleeting, he does not plan to leave the family. This fact must be realized in order to make it easier to understand the spouse and forgive him.

Do not share misfortune with your sister, mother. Even if you decide to forgive the betrayal, they will remember. In general, the less people know about what happened, the better for both of you. Let the reputation of the husband remain unsullied.

You shouldn’t hide your pain from your husband, but it’s better to find out the relationship quickly and emotionally. After the decision to save the family is made, try not to remember the betrayal anymore. Discuss joint plans, the next vacation, the dialogue should be calm and constructive.

Sometimes the written method helps to survive the problem. You need to put on paper all your emotions, grievances, pain, address the letter to the traitor. A trip to a family psychologist will help when spouses cannot cope with infidelity on their own.

How to keep relationships warm

80% of the atmosphere in the house depends on the woman. The basis of a long and happy family life is mutual respect. Try not to raise your voice to your spouse, even if there is a reason. And don't let him scream. Many problems are easier to solve if you speak in calm tones. During quarrels, do not call your spouse offensive words, do not use his weaknesses. The fuse will pass, and the insult inflicted by you will leave an unpleasant aftertaste.

A wise woman will not seek to remake her husband for herself. You loved your husband the way he was. We need to learn to put up and forgive each other's shortcomings. It is better to hug and kiss more often.

Swearing in front of parents, children, friends is not worth it.

Sexual life plays a big role. ready for a lot for his wife. Even if it's a hard day, your head hurts, you need to lie on your back and take a few deep breaths. The body will relax and tune in the right way. Share your dreams and fantasies with your partner and bring them to life together.

How to build relationships

If a chill ran through the relationship, quarrels became more frequent, then perhaps the couple is going through. Follow these tips to build relationships:

As conflict develops, try to figure out the real problem in a calm tone. Discuss solutions without getting personal.
If the argument drags on, invite your spouse to pause and drink coffee or tea. A pause, perhaps, will make you calm down and find a compromise.
In prolonged conflict situations, do not be afraid to be the first to reconcile. Most likely, the partner also regrets, but pride does not allow starting communication. Show wisdom, because it is more important to win not the battle, but the whole battle.

Try to understand your spouse's problems. If you are aware of his affairs, you will be able to understand the real reasons for his bad mood, and many conflicts simply will not arise.

Be tolerant and affectionate, because the harmony in the house is only in your hands.

If the husband wants a divorce

Despite all efforts, some couples still break up. If the spouse is the initiator of the divorce, then do not make scandals, tantrums. They will only reinforce him in their decision. Better try to remind him of the happiest moments of your life together and give vent to tears. Let him feel guilty. But to save a marriage when feelings have already died is pointless.

If divorce is inevitable, then. Over the years, you also experienced a lot of pleasant things, learned new things, gave birth to children.

Don't feel used or not attractive enough. Let go of the situation and learn to live in a new way. Perhaps ahead you will meet a new love, change your job to a more successful one, and devote more time to your friends and hobbies.

Psychologists advise to remain interesting and self-sufficient individuals in order to preserve the family. Then in company with each other you will not get bored. Watch your mood and appearance, admire your man, be affectionate with him.

There are no universal recipes for family happiness. For some, a separate vacation allows you to refresh your feelings, to miss your partner. Other couples are addicted to one thing.

For example, joint fishing, where all problems and troubles fade into the background. Look for your secrets of family happiness, and then life together will be long and eventful.

At some point on the family path, something went wrong: they said something in the heat of the moment, they turned the wrong way, they listened to other people's instructions.

They looked through their fingers, exchanged care and sympathy for insults and reproaches on the road - and didn’t even notice how the “divorce” sign appeared in the distance ... You were confused, probably slowed down the pace of sorting out the relationship, sat down on the side of the road and, if a spark of hope still glows inside , wondered - how to save a family on the verge of divorce? - the advice of a psychologist will certainly come in handy, but, nevertheless, listen to yourself more.

Well, let's try. The only request - if you really want to keep the family on the verge of divorce - be honest with yourself when reading this article, and please answer the questions without hesitation. Then the probability of what you want will be much higher.

What is the reason for the divorce?

Perhaps you have already decided to dissolve the marriage, then for what purpose, for what?

- get the long-awaited freedom. Are you sure that your husband or wife is the cause of unbearable "slavery"? And the "conclusion" is explicit, and not invented? Imagine you are free for a month or two, a year - what will you want most of all? Sure new relationship - right?!
- I have a lover / mistress, and this connection is more pleasant for me than a family one. OK. Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two columns: write in one - what you will get, in the other - what will you lose? Weigh soberly the answers, and not in a state of sexual dope,
- met (a) another man / woman, I love, and I'm sure this is my real soulmate. Let's say. Do you live together or love is still limited to secret dates? Try spending more time together. Oddly enough it sounds: love is not a guarantee of happiness,
- We often quarrel, and there is no more strength to withstand. Listen, married couples go through more tests than scandals and still stay together. Are you sure that verbal skirmishes are the main family problem, and not a reason to hide the real reasons for family discord?

The husband drinks, beats, takes everything out of the house to the penny, humiliates at every step - these are good reasons, but I think in such situations it is unlikely that there will be a desire to keep the family on the verge of divorce - the psychologist's advice here is already different: how to protect yourself, and their children.

How to save a family?

In any family situation, there is always a contribution from everyone. Before you invite your partner to talk heart to heart, figure out what you did or didn’t do to threaten a break:

What do you expect from your spouse or wife? Care, affection, love, help, protection - and you don’t get it, how is it ?! Or maybe let's go from the other side, what has he (a) been giving you for many years, day after day?
Who do you think your family partner is? Continue the phrase: "My husband is ..." or wife - ... What was the first thought that came to mind? Be frank. The answer that came - is it your personal opinion or imposed? He is objective, is there evidence?
- write out for a partner, everything in a row, and what is he or she guilty of before you? And now what is resentment - a negative state when I do not get what I want. If you expect the chef to play the violin, will you also be offended? If a person simply cannot give it, is it not in his ability? And are you always ready to give what is expected of you? ..
– how do you feel about yourself? If you don’t love yourself, don’t appreciate yourself, then how can another person, even a person very close to you, do it?
- there is an important nuance that, for some reason, psychologists bypass in their work. Resentments, accusations, reproaches, name-calling - often serve as a screen to hide their own misdeeds, unseemly actions and thoughts, including. There is no difference between real and fantasy betrayal! Therefore, before you worry about how to keep a family on the verge of divorce, the advice of a psychologist will help only after a sincere confession: “What have I done (a) or not done (a) that my husband / wife still does not know about?” What am I trying to hide behind my daily dissatisfaction with family life? .. If you feel bad at heart, the question is close to the truth. It is not at all necessary to confess this to a partner. The main thing is to admit to yourself ...

Ways to keep a family on the brink of divorce

If possible, give a trial period - agree to live together for some more time, a month or two. But if you agree to this with disdain and the thought “let's see what you can do, dear?”, “take a chance, dear!” or growing mutual rejection - disperse. You are not ready for a life together, mutual respect, patience and support.

Otherwise, try:

- find common interests. What connects you, except for a common household life and sex. Remember what you both like, what you would like to devote your free time to. If there is no common interesting hobby - come up with it! Get to know each other better. Try all the options - walks out of town, cinema, exhibitions, needlework, repairs. There is another plus here: while you are looking, you will spend more time together.)
- touch each other more. It's not about sex. In the usual conversation, at breakfast, when you see off to work, you meet - just touch your shoulder, take your hand, stroke your head, hug. Just prepare tea, serve a sweater, cover with a blanket. Communication works wonders! And wordless too
- when once again you feel irritation, anger, dissatisfaction, before throwing out an emotion, ask yourself: “Why am I angry? What do I get from anger? What am I protecting myself from or what am I afraid of? There is such a good phrase: “During a quarrel with a person dear to you, do you want to be right or happy?” Think...
- Communicate as often as possible. It doesn't matter what. Talk about the work, what you saw on the street, on TV, what movie you liked, who called, who you met, and so on. While on neutral topics - even if the partner does not show any visible interest in listening. Communication is like water - it will find a place where to break through ...
- about sex. Don't force each other. Believe me, sex will not save. Sleep together if possible. By the way, touching and communication can be continued in bed.

In a word, find common points in communication, interests, touches. If you are really worried about how to keep your family on the verge of divorce, the advice of a psychologist and consultations online or in person, of course, will not be superfluous either. Just a request: do not insist, for example, her husband needs a psychologist. This will only prove that you are looking for the cause in another, and not in yourself. It is better to start with a visit to a specialist yourself.

Psychology Methods for Better Relationships

A charge of past unpleasant events, scandals, stresses and other psychological traumas accumulates between spouses. If you think it’s different in your couple, then you avoid looking at what is happening as it is. Often, in order to avoid a break, it is enough to utter-disassemble-dissolve the knee-jerk negative experiences. Imagine that a volcano is raging between you, and now that it is not there - and you can approach each other on stable, calm ground.

- a way that allows you to get rid of resentment, irritation, tension, anxiety and restless thoughts,
- technique

The most common reasons for divorce are lack of understanding, quarrels, routine and everyday life. Of course, the problems of each family are individual. These universal tips will help you maintain family relationships.

1. Get rid of expectations and illusions

Expectations, as a rule, are not justified, but bring only resentment and suffering. Don't expect your spouse to change or do certain things. Get rid of imposed patterns and illusions about how a husband should behave. Just accept it with all the pros and cons.

2. Loosen control

Don't be your own spouse's overseer. In no case do not check his phone, do not call him unnecessarily. Do not control his movements. Do not tell him how to act in a given situation. The more you put pressure on him, the less he will want to communicate with you. All people, including husbands, have the right to privacy.

3. Criticize less

It is enough to understand that everyone can make a mistake, make the wrong choice, make the wrong decision. Do not cling and do not find fault with your spouse. It is best to replace criticism and claims with positive encouragement to change.

4. Learn to have a dialogue

There are a few simple rules for this:

- Calmly listen to your spouse, he has his own opinion and his own view of the situation. Just listen. Do not interrupt and do not rush to insert your comments. If you don't understand something, ask again.

Solve one problem in one conversation. No need to remember past mistakes and interfere with everything. One dialogue, one situation.

- Do not fantasize and do not invent his thoughts for your husband. Ask directly and specifically, without judgment or judgment.

- Speak out based on your feelings. Don't be quick to blame your partner. Ask him to listen to you silently. Speak for yourself.

- Express your dissatisfaction immediately. Do not accumulate resentment in yourself, but immediately tell your spouse what does not suit you. The suppression of emotions has a bad effect on one's own well-being and intensifies the atmosphere in the family.

5. Update your relationship

Family life is not only gray everyday life, raising children and solving problems. Don't forget relationships. Go out more often, to the cinema, to visit, to your favorite restaurant. Take a walk in the evening on the street, arrange a romantic dinner. Forget for this time about everything that worries you, do not decide anything. There is only you and him. Enjoy communication, talk on different topics, get to know each other again.

6. Don't take on all the worries

Divide household chores. Determine who is responsible for the family budget, who buys food, takes care of children. Don't be a slave in your own house. Let there be something for everyone.

7. Turn sex from obligation to pleasure

Remember this side of your life too. Add variety to your intimate life, learn new techniques, learn how to do erotic massage. Ask what your spouse wants, and also tell him about your desires.

8. Create a system of family values

Take time and discuss with your husband what you want to achieve in family life. Define general principles for raising children. Think of family traditions and rituals.

9. Thank

Don't forget to say thank you to your spouse, even if it's something small. Make a list of things for which you are grateful to your husband. Thank and praise him.

10. Ask your husband

Ask for a hug, pour coffee, cover you with a blanket. Start asking for small favors and gradually your husband will be willing to do just about anything for you.

11. Take care of yourself

Become a truly confident woman. Change yourself. And you will notice that you have become more interesting for yourself and your spouse.

- take responsibility for your actions and your attitude towards your husband;

- learn to manage your emotions;

- take care of yourself;

- go in for sports;

- find your favorite thing, hobby;

- develop your strengths;

- leave time to be alone with yourself;

Change negative thoughts to positive ones.

Remember that quick changes will not work. It is better to start gradually, step by step. Do something daily that will improve your relationship. If you really love each other and both want to save the family - you will succeed! Love, happiness and prosperity!

Cheating on a husband is always a stab in the back. When both decide after a betrayal they decide to disperse, everything is simple, but what if a man wants to save his family, is in no hurry to leave? There are several reasons for this. We will tell you why this can happen, how best to act in such situations, what needs to be done to resume normal relations. You will learn how to learn how to live after your husband cheated to avoid the breakup of a marriage.

A man is motivated to change and stay in the family for several reasons:

Romance on the side is not serious. In this case, the partner is not ready to make a decision to leave the family and is not sure of deep feelings for his mistress. Perhaps this is a short-term hobby.
He is weak. Frankly confessing to treason is worth a lot of psychological effort. The partner does not want to hurt his soul mate, but in this case it is not about love. The man is simply sorry for you. Usually, they learn about cheating already during scandals or an accidental head-on collision with a new companion.
Shared past. In this case, the man does not want to break off a long-term relationship - you have come a long way together, you have common children, shared difficulties, impressions.
A man wants to return feelings. Perhaps he just got confused, and decided to renew a relationship with you, to start all over again.

This article will help you understand in more detail. You will learn about the fatal mistakes of women that should not be allowed.

Agree or not to keep the family

No psychologist will give you a definite answer. You will have to make a decision on your own. Sit down and think, all things considered: imagine your life after divorce or living with your spouse.

Go to personal consultation with a psychotherapist and sort out your feelings. Find a "neutral" person who will listen to all claims and grievances. It could be a friend, a friend. Avoid emotional conversations with close relatives - they will be angry at your spouse for a long time, who hurt you.

Find out about the personal intentions of each partner: whether the husband wants to stay with you or prefers to leave. What do you wish? The conversation will help determine the further strategy of the relationship. Perhaps our article about . You will find out what psychologists think about this.

How to save a marriage

The question is what's next. Confidence in the stability of the marriage has evaporated, and all thoughts converge in fear for the future. You need to let go of these feelings. Consider that no one is the owner of tomorrow's guarantees.
Jealousy. Cheating deals a devastating blow to a woman's self-esteem. Psychologists advise to work on yourself to increase self-confidence, attractiveness. Find new hobbies - hobbies will help you get distracted and enjoy the process. Take time for your own appearance: sign up for a gym or dance, change your hair, make-up. Start communicating with new people, meet friends who were previously deprived of attention.
Anger and resentment. You will not understand how this could happen, that you did something bad to your husband.
Envy. It's a shame when someone else chose you. But you need to remember that every girl is interesting in her own way.

Maintain dignity when trying to build relationships.

What should never be done after a cheating husband, here are some tips:

To humiliate yourself, you should not ask, let alone beg to quit a new passion.
Roll up scandals about infidelity, then push the person to the decision to leave.
Blame yourself for what happened.
Cheating to spite him, especially with his best friend or brother.

How to live after betrayal

It is worth admitting that life after the husband decided to change will not be the same. You got a new experience, albeit a bitter one. Yes, it is possible to love a partner again, but it will be a different kind of love.

Previously, a spouse could seem perfect - now you understand that everyone has flaws, anyone can stumble. You will have to accept a man with his past mistakes, forgive betrayal. And still need. Here are some tips on how to do it.

We recommend reading free book Alexei Chernozem "What to do with male infidelity". You will learn why men cheat and leave for their mistresses, how to respond to infidelity in order to save relationships and prevent a recurrence in the future, and also how to survive all this.

The book is free. To download, click here on this link, leave your e-mail and an email will be sent to the mail with a link to the pdf-file.

It is in your power to improve, adjust relationships now, make them stronger. At first, eradicate mistrust, the foundation of new relationships will be laid slowly. Do not lie to your soulmate and yourself if you could not forgive betrayal. You have every right to do so. It’s better to confess your forgiveness a year later than a couple of days after the incident.

Also be prepared for the fact that he can go "left" again. In this case, you need to know. We have already written about how to understand that he is unfaithful to his wife by gestures, behavior, words.

An interesting program, in this video, the presenter, together with a psychologist, talk about her husband's betrayal, is it worth it to forgive her, how to do it, what is the best thing to do:

If the cheating continues, let the person go. You will have to overcome a difficult period, cope with pain and loss,. Our other article will help to do this. Believe me, it is better to start a new, full life than to regularly be in the background.