Why do children go to confession from the age of seven? Preparing Children for Communion
In general, penance is usually understood as either a certain prayer rule, or a feasible feat - prostrations, fasting, or a temporary excommunication from Communion. But let us repeat once again: the main principle of the appointed penance is that it should serve not the cause of destruction, but the cause of the creation of the soul of a Christian, should not hurt, but heal. Of course, for a person with sensitive vanity, a relatively easy penance can be a difficult test, but if he puts up with it, it will certainly benefit him.
At what age should children go to confession before Communion? How to teach a child to confess?
It is generally accepted that for the first time a child should confess before Communion upon reaching the age of seven. This is the best rule to follow. With only a few reservations: there are children who even at the age of six have such a clear consciousness and spiritual development that they can truly seriously and thoughtfully confess, and there are those who at the age of eight do not understand at all what their parents want from them, when brought to the lectern with the Cross and the Gospel. And it is quite reasonable to let some people go to confession a little earlier, and not demand from others what they are not yet ready for, since formalism in spiritual life is unacceptable and can bring great harm, cultivating a real Pharisee in a Christian from an early age.
Teaching a person to confess is not so easy. Not only children, but also quite adult parishioners do not know how to confess. And parents make a huge mistake when they demand that their children confess according to some - formal - list of questions. All the more unacceptable is such an ugly practice, when father and mother “dictate” to the child his confession and he repeats it over and over again, word for word, like a broken record, without even taking the trouble to understand what this or that sin named by him means.
It is much more important to teach not to confess, but to live according to one's conscience, and to teach not with edification, but with one's own, vivid and beautiful example. When the conscience is alive, strong, it acutely feels every lie committed by us, and this feeling gives rise to genuine repentance - deep, sincere, coupled with hatred of sin and the desire to get rid of sin and not allow it anymore. This applies equally to the confession of both children and adults.
How to confess carnal sins? Is it possible if you are very shy just write it down and show it to the priest?
The Holy Fathers teach that one should not confess carnal sins in detail and in detail (as well as fornication thoughts). Firstly, such attention to detail can restore in the soul of the confessor himself the recollection of experienced falls and temptations, and secondly, it will not be harmless for the priest receiving the confession, unless he is impassive. However, it is always necessary to speak about sin in such a way that it is clear what its essence is, so that sin is not diminished or exaggerated. In some cases, in order to overcome shame, it is really necessary to write down sins on a piece of paper and have the priest read it. Similar examples can be found in some lives of the saints, in particular, in the life of St. Basil the Great, to whom a woman came whose sins were so shameful (or she herself is so sensitive) that she could not pronounce them aloud, why did she put them on paper. But it is still better, for the sake of humility, to force yourself and say sin as it is on your own.
I read that it was revealed to some person how during confession every sin in the form of a snake comes out of the mouth of the penitent when it is announced. But how then does this snake come out, if the priest often reads the sins of the penitent to himself from a piece of paper?
It must be remembered that in all such revelations, what people saw was only an image of what was happening in the spiritual realm. And in no case should one treat the Sacrament in such a “materialistic” way. “Coming out of the mouth of the serpent” is an image of the penitent discovering his sin in repentance, opening it before God and before the priest. And there is no decisive difference how exactly this happens - through verbal announcement or through writing on paper. Although, as mentioned above, it is still better to courageously pronounce sins yourself, while enduring healing pain and shame.
How should you behave on the day of Communion? Is it true that you should not brush your teeth on this day?
Not only on the day of Communion, but also on every day of his life, a Christian must remember that every moment he is before the gaze of the All-Seeing God. There is nothing—neither in his outward actions, nor in the intimacy of his soul—that would not be known to the Lord and, at the same time, would not be significant for Him, for everything that concerns a person concerns, as the prayer of St. Seraphim of Vyritsky says amazingly strongly , the apple of God's eye.
But the day of Communion is still special, it is the day of the closest union with Christ, when we receive Him into ourselves in His Most Pure Mysteries and have in us "living and abiding." Accordingly, and especially attentive to ourselves, we must be before and after Communion, especially beware, so as not to anger the Lord with our deeds, words and thoughts and not to lose too soon the Gift that He gave us in this greatest Sacrament.
The question of brushing your teeth, as well as others of this series - whether it is possible to eat fish, spit out cherry pits, etc. - is hardly the most important. Although, for the sake of reverence and some natural precaution, one can refrain from all such actions. Remembering, however, that after Communion we deliberately took a drink and a piece of prosphora or arthos and did not give in to panic, if suddenly in the evening, out of absent-mindedness, we still brushed our teeth before going to bed.
Hello! Yesterday I gave communion to my son (he is 3.5 years old). Before that, the child was sick (problems with the stomach), I specifically wanted to take him to communion so that he would recover faster. I partake of him regularly. He survived almost the entire service, took communion, drank a drink. But when they listened to the sermon, he choked (he chewed a prosphora), and he vomited. They wiped everything with a rag and took it away to burn. But I did not realize that the clothes also had to be burned, and washed them. Do I need to do something with these clothes now? What can be done to prevent such incidents from happening again?
I think that this incident should definitely be mentioned in confession. Should I bring clothes to the temple to be burned? - Now, after you have washed it, it is probably no longer necessary. From your story, you can understand what vomited the child simply because he choked on prosphora. If so, then this is not your fault, and you can look to the future, perhaps, only to ensure that the piece of prosphora is not too large. If, however, he vomited due to a stomach ailment, then, of course, it would be more prudent to wait first until he is fully recovered, and only then take him to Communion. It is possible that you could have sinned in that you treated the Sacrament too “utilitarianly”: “so that you recover faster,” and therefore the Lord allowed the temptation. However, this is just my guess.
What if the child is naughty before Communion? Should I give him communion or bring him another day?
It would be wiser to look at the condition of the child. Try to calm down and, if possible, then still take communion. Just take the necessary precautions at the same time: hold the arms, legs, head and even ask someone to help with this. If the child literally goes screaming and does not calm down in any way, so that there is a risk of pushing the Chalice, then it is better to postpone Communion until another day. But, of course, later, when you come home, you need to understand yourself - after all, most often such behavior of a child during Communion is connected not so much with his well-being as with the life of his parents. It is always commendable that a father and mother wish to give communion to their son or daughter more often, but it is no less necessary to go to confession regularly and take communion with them.
Up to what age is it allowed to feed a baby before Communion?
Until the moment when he can objectively do without this meal.
Can a layman partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ for several days in a row without going to confession (say, on Sunday I confessed, from Sunday to Saturday I commune daily without confession, only reading the rule)?
Although enough has been said and written in our day (and quite rightly, presumably, I suppose) about the need for more frequent Communion, everything should have a reasonable measure. If you avoid extremes and take into account the advice of many experienced confessors, then you can recommend taking communion once every one, two or three weeks, depending on the spiritual zeal and purity of the life of a particular person, and also on the opinion of the priest with whom he confesses. More frequent Communion is possible in cases where several major church holidays “meet”, or on Passion Week of Great Lent, or under some special circumstances in a person’s life (serious illness, unbearable sorrow, etc.), but only after the advice and blessing of the priest. In such cases, it is really possible to confess once, and in the following days, if no major sins have happened, to receive communion without confession.
If I want to take communion at a night (Christmas or Easter) service, then from what time should I abstain from food and water?
There is no single norm on this matter, but it is “traditionally” accepted on the eve of such days to eat no later than seven or eight in the evening. If possible, it is better to practice abstinence and have the last meal even earlier - in the afternoon. But here everyone must correctly calculate their strength, so that if after the night service breaking the fast in the refectory of the temple is not provided, they will not be exhausted and not harm their health.
This refers to the text, which is considered the spiritual testament of St. Seraphim Vyritsky "It was from me." It is composed as a conversation between God and the human soul: “Have you ever thought that everything that concerns you also concerns Me? For what touches you touches the apple of my eye.” Cit. by: From me it was. Moscow: Danilov Monastery. 2007. - Red.
Today, parents who bring their children to the temple, for the most part, do not have the experience of confession in their childhood. Wanting to help children gain faith in God, adults do not know how to do it. The process of churching children often turns into a formality: today we have a music circle, tomorrow we have dances, and on Sunday we go to communion. What are the most common problems and what should be avoided in particular? What is most important at the beginning of this journey? We are talking with Archpriest Alexy Uminsky.
– Father Alexy, how to properly prepare a child for confession?
A very important event in the life of a family is the first confession of a child. Therefore, it is necessary to find time and prepare at least a little bit of the child for confession. Parents who go regularly to the temple should ask the priest for a special time for the first conversation with the child.
The work of preparing for confession, even if the child does not yet confess, should be carried out by parents constantly, these are conversations about the child’s bad deeds, about conscience, about how the child should be able to ask for forgiveness in some cases. Parents should instill the skills of confession so that the child feels the moral connection between himself and the event. A child is an event, a child is some kind of sin - all this should be quite obvious in the head of a 7-8-year-old child, as well as the concept of conscience, the concept of sin.
Parents can carry out such work if the child has done some unseemly act. First, parents should explain the whole meaning of this act, call him to conscience and call on the child to ask for forgiveness from the one to whom he caused some damage, if, for example, he quarreled with his parents, neighbors, did not obey them. And then, of course, stand in front of the icon and ask for forgiveness from God.
After that, parents should carefully talk with the child, tell what confession is, what is the meaning of this Sacrament. In simple, accessible words, to say that The Lord always loves you. The child should already know that the Lord sees all his deeds, his actions, thoughts and patiently waits for the child to want to confess his deed and correct himself.
Of course, here I should warn parents not to frighten the child with God. Often there is such a mistake from parental helplessness, from unwillingness to work hard. Therefore, to frighten a child: “God will punish you, you will receive from God for this,” is not a method. God is not to be feared in any way. I read in Jean Paul Sartre that he was frightened of God as a child. He kept thinking that whatever he did, he was always under the gaze of an unkind God.
But the question is that the gaze of God is a conscience that constantly tells you that God prompts you, God directs you, God loves you, God leads you, God wants your change, your repentance. It is worth explaining to a child that God uses everything that happens to a person not to punish a person, but to save a person, to bring a person to the Light, so that a person from this moment on can change for the better.
All these important things should be laid down from childhood at least a little by the parents, and then, if the priest is attentive, he will find an opportunity to talk with the child and draw his special attention to some simple things. It is not worth demanding from a child that he begin serious spiritual work in himself. It is enough that the child will be sincere in confession and will honestly remember his own wrongdoings without hiding or hiding behind them. And the priest should warmly and lovingly receive the child and tell him how to pray, who should be asked for forgiveness, what should be paid attention to. This is the way the child grows up and learns to perceive these things.
A child's confession should not be as detailed as that of an adult, although the detail of an adult's confession is also under a big, big question, because such an exhaustive detail often hides some kind of distrust of God. And then God does not know, and then God does not see!
The desire, instead of a sincere confession, to submit a list with sins written in detail according to the scheme, is reminiscent of how a completed receipt is submitted to the laundry - dirty linen is handed over, clean linen is received. In no case should this be the case with a child! He should not have papers, even if he writes them with his own hand, and even more so in no case with his parent's hand. It is enough that the child says one or two events from his life in order to come to God with them.
And the child does not have to confess before every communion.
And who should decide this? Priest? So that it would not be a surprise when children come to the sacrament and they are refused ...
This is the problem of families who come to the temple where they are not known.
With us, to the greatest regret, a lot depends on the personal mood of the priest. For example, one priest is set up in such a way that in no case is anyone allowed to take communion without confession, and he doesn’t care how old the child is - 6, 7 or 15 years old. I didn’t receive a pass - I don’t allow communion. Unfortunately, quite often one can run into this in our church situation. Nothing can be done here.
Therefore, reasonable Christian families should look for those parishes where there is no “factory”, where there is no such thing that no one knows anyone. After all, there are churches where everything turns into a kind of nameless faceless procedure, where parishioners go through certain stages: they came, bought candles, submitted notes, went to confession, went to Communion, that’s it, returned home. This should be avoided. We must look for a church where there is a good parish, where there is an attentive priest. If the parents are interested in taking care of the children, then in the relationship between the priest and the child, everything is set up quite well.
Here is a concrete example. One mother told me that the priest sometimes does not allow her children to take Communion, because they name few sins in confession. And every time the children begin, one might say, to invent more sins. When mom begins to advise that perhaps it is necessary to talk more about sins, they answer: “Mom, you don’t understand! The priest does not discuss subtleties and details with us, he simply requires a list of sins and that's it. And if there are few sins, then the priest says that we are not ready for Communion.”
And confession turns into a formality, or rather, into some kind of game. The game "Collect more sins." Then Communion turns into such a thing that you need to earn through some strange combination of actions, through some kind of game. This is what can be called imitation. Everything is imitated, nothing is real.
And therefore, as a priest, it seems much clearer and more useful to me that the practice that exists in the local Orthodox Churches, where confession and Communion are not interconnected in such a rigid way as we have in Russia. I understand, of course, all the problems of a huge country, a huge church, an unchurched population, for whom a detailed confession is also some kind of growing into the body of the church, an understanding of important things, confession is simply necessary at the first stage. But where a parish has developed, where the priest knows each of his parishioners, and the parishioners regularly take communion every Sunday, on every feast, then what is the point of leading them through the procedure of naming the same things that are already clear? Then you need to confess every day, many times. Everything can be turned into some kind of madness. If a person has something to say, he will come to confession and sincerely tell about it. Of course, man sins every day. To do this, there is an opportunity to check your conscience - during the evening rule there is a prayer in which sins are listed. It is not necessary to name something that does not correspond to your life, for example, mischief ... You can replace this prayer with your own prayer, tell God about what you repent of. Remember your life for this day and sincerely repent before God.
Can you say that to a child?
And the child must be told to be able to see how he spent today, how he communicated with his parents, with loved ones. And if there is something on the conscience, you need to ask God for forgiveness. And try not to forget it in confession.
Age of confession - 7 years old? Who should determine that a child is ready or, conversely, not yet ready for confession? Parents?
Parents. It all depends on the psychological state of the child. There are some children who lock themselves in confession. So, they don't need to do it yet. Small yet, not ripe.
Is it difficult for a child to admit that he is bad? If you ask a child whether he is good or bad, he will, of course, answer that he is good!
Parents are able to explain to the child: “What kind of good are you? If you did this, this, are you good? Of course, you can’t finish him off in every possible way, how bad he is, but you must say: “You are not always good, every person cannot be only good. Of course, good, but not always.
Have you read the article How to prepare your child for confession? Read also:
When we tell children about prayer, we can only do one thing for them - to teach them to comprehend prayer, that is, to make every word of it understandable to them. There is no need to think that in the lesson they will read these prayers with enthusiasm - we should not even set such a task. Prayer is always sacred.
“Be friends with this! Do not be friends with that!” Children are isolated from society, sent to an Orthodox gymnasium. But even there there are children with whom it is also impossible to be friends. There will always be a person who, in the opinion of parents, will have a bad influence on their child.
The Christian tradition of remission of sins is confession. Not only sincerely repentant adults are allowed to this sacrament, but also children over 7 years old. It is believed that it is from this age that the child begins to understand "what is good and what is bad." True, the children's confession has its own characteristics.
A child should be introduced to religion from an early age. To do this, read the children's Bible together, attend church at least on holidays, and from time to time go through the sacrament. Instill spirituality in your child by leading by example. So the child will be tuned in to the sacrament of confession in the future. Before passing the ceremony, explain to the child the essence of confession. Focus his attention on the fact that this is not just a listing of bad deeds, but above all their awareness. The kid must understand that the point is not to talk about them, but to try not to repeat them in the future. Explain that during the ordinance the child will stand before God and the priest will be the child's spiritual guide and the Lord's witness. The first confession should not be held during the Sunday Liturgy, since this is a period of large crowds, it can be difficult for a child to concentrate and open up. It is best to arrange with the priest for another specific time.
The days of Great Lent are a time of repentance not only for adults, but also for the youngest parishioners. The issues of proper preparation of children for Confession and Communion are of concern to many mothers and fathers. How to explain to a small child what Repentance is? Should children be helped to prepare for the first Confession? How to protect a regularly confessing baby from getting used to the Sacrament? On the eve of the first full Liturgy, for which the majority of Orthodox Christians traditionally rush to the Cross and the Gospel, Archpriest Maxim Kozlov, rector of the Church of the Holy Martyr Tatiana, answers these and other questions.
At what age should a child go to confession?
First of all, don't rush. It is impossible to demand that from the age of seven all children come to confession. The norm that children should confess before Communion from the age of seven has been established since the synodal era and from earlier centuries. As, if I am not mistaken, Father Vladimir Vorobyov wrote in his book on the sacrament of Repentance, for many and many children today, physiological maturation is so much ahead of spiritual and psychological that most of today's children are not ready to confess at the age of seven. Isn't it time to say that this age is set by the confessor and the parent absolutely individually in relation to the child? At the age of seven, and some even a little earlier, they see the difference between good and bad deeds, but it is too early to say that this is a conscious repentance. Only the chosen, subtle, delicate natures are able to experience this at such an early age. There are amazing kids who at the age of five or six have a responsible moral consciousness, but most often these are other things. Or parents' motivations related to the desire to have an additional educational tool in confession (it often happens that when a small child misbehaves, a naive and kind mother asks the priest to confess him, thinking that if he repents, he will obey). Or some kind of ape in relation to adults on the part of the child himself - they like it: they stand, they come up, the priest says something to them. Nothing good comes from this. For the majority, moral consciousness wakes up much later. But let yourself later. Let them come at nine, ten years old, when they have a greater degree of adulthood and responsibility for their lives. In fact, the earlier a child confesses, the worse it is for him - apparently, it is not in vain that children are not charged with sins until they are seven years old. Only from a rather later age do they perceive confession as a confession, and not as a list of what was said by mom or dad and written down on paper. And this formalization of confession that occurs in a child is a rather dangerous thing in the modern practice of our church life.
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What should parents do before their child's first confession?
It seems that first you need to talk with the priest to whom the child will confess, warn him that this will be the first confession, ask him for advice, which may be different, depending on the practice of certain parishes. But in any case, it is important that the priest knows that the confession is the first, and said when it is better to come, so that there are not too many people and he would have enough time that he could devote to the child. In addition, various books about children's confession have now appeared. From the book of Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov, you can learn a lot of sensible advice about the very first confession. There are books on adolescent psychology, for example, by the priest Anatoly Garmaev about adolescence.
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How often should a child be confessed?
Partly on my own mistakes, partly on the advice of more experienced priests, I came to the conclusion that children should be confessed as rarely as possible. Not as often as possible, but as rarely as possible. The worst thing that can be done is to introduce a weekly confession for children. For them, it leads most of all to formalization. So they went and simply took communion every Sunday, or at least often, which is also a question of whether it is right for a child, and then - from the age of seven - they are also taken almost every Sunday under permissive prayer. Children very quickly learn to say the right thing to the priest - what the priest expects. He did not obey his mother, was rude at school, stole an eraser. This list is easily restored. And they don't even meet with what confession is like repentance. And it happens that whole years come to confession with the same words: I do not obey, I am rude, I am lazy, I forget to read prayers - this is a short set of common childhood sins. The priest, seeing that besides this child there are many other people standing next to him, absolves him of his sins this time as well. But after a few years, such a “churched” child will not understand at all what repentance is. It is not difficult for him to say that he did this and that badly, to “mumble something” from a piece of paper or from memory, for which they will either pat him on the head or say: “Kolya, don’t steal pens ”, and then: “You don’t have to get used to (yes, then get used to) cigarettes, watch these magazines,” and then on the rise. And then Kolya will say; "I don't want to listen to you." Masha can also say, but girls usually mature faster, they have time to gain personal spiritual experience before they can come to such a decision.
When a child is brought to the clinic for the first time and forced to undress in front of the doctor, he, of course, is embarrassed, it is unpleasant for him, but if they put him in the hospital and will lift his shirt every day before the injection, he will begin to do this completely automatically without any emotions. In the same way, confession may no longer cause any feelings in him. Therefore, you can bless them for Communion quite often, but children need to confess as rarely as possible. Indeed, for many practical reasons, we cannot spread Communion and the sacrament of Repentance to adults for a long time, but we could probably apply this norm to children and say that a responsible serious confession of a lad or maiden can be carried out with a fairly large frequency, and in other time to give them the blessing of communion. I think it would be good, after consulting with a confessor, to confess such a small sinner for the first time at the age of seven, the second time at eight, the third time at nine years, somewhat postponing the beginning of frequent, regular confession, so that in no case does it become a habit.
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How often should small children receive communion?
It is good to receive Communion often, because we believe that the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ is taught to us for the health of soul and body. And the baby is sanctified as having no sins, by his bodily nature uniting with the Lord in the Sacrament of Communion. But when the children begin to grow up and when they already know that this is the Blood and Body of Christ and that this is a Holy thing, it is very important not to turn Communion into a weekly procedure, when they frolic in front of the Chalice and approach it, not really thinking about what they make. And if you see that your child was capricious before the service, brought you when the priest's sermon dragged on a little, fought with one of his peers standing right there in the service, do not allow him to the Chalice. Let him understand that it is not possible to approach Communion in every state. He will only treat him more reverently. And it’s better to let him take communion a little less often than you would like, but understand why he comes to church. It is very important that parents do not begin to treat the communion of the child as some kind of magic, shifting to God what we ourselves must do. However, the Lord expects from us what we can and must do ourselves, including in relation to our children. And only where our strength is not, there the grace of God fills. As they say in another church sacrament - "the weak heals, the impoverished replenishes." But what can you do, do it yourself.
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Should parents help their children write confession notes?
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How to teach a child to confess correctly?
Rather, it is necessary to encourage your children not to how to confess, but to the very necessity of confession. Through your own example, through the ability to openly confess your sins to your loved ones, to your child, if you are guilty before him. Through our attitude to Confession, because when we go to take communion and realize our non-peacefulness or the insults that we have caused to others, we must first of all reconcile with everyone. And all this taken together cannot but educate children in a reverent attitude towards this Sacrament.
And the main teacher of how a child should repent should be the performer of this Sacrament - the priest. After all, repentance is not only a kind of inner state, but also a sacrament of the Church. It is no coincidence that confession is called the Sacrament of Repentance. Depending on the measure of the child's spiritual maturation, he must be brought to the first confession. The task of parents is to explain what confession is and why it is needed. They must explain to the child that confession has nothing to do with his report to them or to the headmaster. This is that and only that which we ourselves are aware of as bad and unkind in us, as bad and dirty and what we are very unhappy about, which is difficult to say and what needs to be said to God. And then this area of teaching should be transferred into the hands of an attentive, worthy, loving spiritual father, for he was given grace-filled help in the Sacrament of the Priesthood to talk with a person, including a small one, about his sins. And it is more natural for him to talk to him about repentance than to his parents, for this is precisely the case when it is impossible and unprofitable to appeal to his own examples or to the examples of people known to him. Telling your child how you yourself repented for the first time - there is some kind of falsehood and false edification in this. After all, we did not repent in order to tell anyone about this. It would be no less false to tell him about how our loved ones, through repentance, departed from certain sins, because this would mean at least indirectly judging and evaluating those sins in which they were. Therefore, it is most reasonable to hand the child into the hands of someone who has been appointed by God as a teacher of the Sacrament of Confession.
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Can a child choose which priest to confess to?
If the heart of a little person feels that he wants to confess to this particular priest, who, perhaps, is younger, more affectionate than the one to whom you yourself go, or, perhaps, attracted him with his sermon, trust your child, let him go there, where no one and nothing will prevent him from repenting of his sins before God. And even if he does not immediately decide on his choice, even if his first decision turns out to be not the most reliable and he soon realizes that he does not want to go to Father John, but wants to go to Father Peter, let him choose and settle in this. Acquisition of spiritual fatherhood is a very delicate process, internally intimate, and there is no need to intrude into it. So you can help your child more.
And if, as a result of his inner spiritual search, the child says that his heart is attached to another parish, where his friend Tanya goes, and what he likes there better - and how they sing, and how the priest talks, and how people treat each other, then the wise Christian parents, of course, will rejoice at this step of their child and will not think with fear or distrust: did he go to the service, and, in fact, why is he not where we are? We need to entrust our children to God, then He Himself will save them.
In general, it seems to me that sometimes it is important and useful for parents themselves to send their children, starting at a certain age, to another parish so that they are not with us, not before our eyes, so that this typical parental temptation does not arise - with peripheral vision to check how our child is doing, is he praying, is he not chatting, why was he not allowed to take Communion, for what kind of sins? Maybe we will understand this, indirectly, by talking with the priest? It is almost impossible to get rid of such sensations if your child is next to you in the temple. When children are small, then parental inspection is reasonably understandable and necessary, but when they become youths, then it may be better to courageously cut off this kind of intimacy with them, moving away from their life, to belittle yourself in order to have more of Christ, but less than you.
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How to instill in children a reverent attitude towards Communion and divine services?
First of all, parents themselves need to love the Church, church life, and love every person in it, including the little one. And the one who loves the Church will be able to pass this on to his child. This is the main thing, and everything else is just specific techniques.
I recall the story of Archpriest Vladimir Vorobyov, who as a child was taken to Communion only a few times a year, but he remembers each time, and when it was, and what a spiritual experience it was. Then, in Stalin's time, it was often impossible to go to church. Since if even your comrades saw you, then this could threaten not only the loss of education, but also a prison. And Father Vladimir remembers each of his visits to the church, which was a great event for him. There could be no question of being naughty in the service, talking, chatting with peers. It was necessary to come to the liturgy, pray, partake of the Holy Mysteries of Christ and live in anticipation of the next such meeting. It seems that we should also understand Communion, including small children who have entered the time of relative consciousness, not only as a medicine for the health of the soul and body, but as something immeasurably more important. Even a child should perceive it first of all as a union with Christ.
The main thing to think about is that attendance at the service and communion become for the child not what we force him to, but what he must deserve. We must try to restructure our intra-family attitude to worship in such a way that we do not drag our youth to receive communion, and he himself, after passing a certain path, preparing him for the reception of the Holy Mysteries of Christ, would receive the right to come to the liturgy and commune. And, perhaps, it would be better that on Sunday morning we would not disturb our child, who was having fun on Saturday evening: “Get up, we are late for the liturgy!”, And he would wake up without us and see that the house is empty. And he ended up without parents, and without a church, and without the feast of God. Even though he had only come to the service for half an hour before, to the actual communion, he still cannot help but feel some discrepancy between lying in bed on Sunday and what every Orthodox Christian should do at this time. When you yourself return from the church, do not reproach your child with words. Perhaps your inner grief over his absence from the liturgy will even more effectively resonate in him than ten parental proddings “well, go,” “well, get ready,” “well, read the prayers.”
Therefore, the parents of their child, already at his conscious age, should never encourage him to confession or communion. And if they can restrain themselves in this, then the grace of God will surely touch his soul and help him not to get lost in the sacraments of the Church.
But children's preparation for communion is special, individual.
As you know, you need to prepare for Communion and Confession, but children's preparation and children's confession are very special, incomparable to an adult. The task of a Christian, including a young one, is to benefit from Confession and Communion, therefore it is important that the preparation for the sacrament and the confession itself be carried out effectively and not overloaded. If the priest is experienced, this issue can be discussed on an individual basis, if the priest requires reading all the canons, strict fasting for the child, then the big question is whether this is useful ... At this stage, in my opinion, an individual approach is important if a child from infancy to The temple is one thing, if from case to case it is another.
You need to talk and explain with the child, and not command and drag by force
It is important to explain in simple terms to the child in advance, even before preparation, why he now needs to prepare for the sacrament. And in fact, every parent should have a conversation with his child in a timely manner, that after the age of 7, his childhood ended, that adulthood began and all the sins and bad deeds of God and his Angels are taken into account and recorded on him himself. And in order to be cleansed of sins, he must independently confess and take communion. What is supposed to repent at Confession, the child also needs and can be explained in advance, because you are well aware of all the bad deeds and inclinations of your child. It is not necessary for the parents themselves to write a note to the child or to force them to stand over the soul until he writes this note. Leave to the child his Confession as an individual one, and do not ask according to Confession what he confessed about, nor what the priest asked. If the child wants, then he will tell, if not, then no.
Alternatively, the preparation may be as follows, but it is important to discuss individually with the parish priest
On all issues related to fasting, I note that, in my opinion, it would be right to give up sweets for the first two days, give up meat on the second day, but leave the opportunity to eat fish and dairy, and on the third day give up fish and dairy. If the child is still small, then the third day we refuse fish, and leave dairy in the diet. By and large, this is all individually and is discussed with a specific confessor. Therefore, my reasoning in this case is more reasoning than a recipe.
The spiritual preparation of the child is also important.
It is important, in addition to physical preparation, to prepare the child for the sacrament and spiritually, by reading prayers more often, reading the children's Bible, watching cartoons less, and for example, replacing them with watching the Law of God, it is in our gallery.
Everything is gradual, and prayers too
In all aspects related to prayer preparation, I will emphasize: the child needs to be accustomed to evening services, but if it is still difficult, you can first skip it, then come halfway, then stand completely. On the evening before Communion, just like adults, children do not need to watch cartoons, but need to read books about God and his Saints.
Next came the question of prayers. I am convinced that a child should be introduced into prayer gradually. First, as I think, it is permissible to read three prayers from the evening prayers, then after the "Canon to the Guardian Angel" read one prayer, after the "Canon to the Mother of God" read one prayer, after the "Canon to the Savior" read 1 prayer and then read 4 prayers from the "Canon to Holy Communion." I think this will be enough, but it is important to read them clearly, with attention, praying from the heart, but without developing a formal attitude to the prayer work. Gradually, the number of prayers should be increased. publishing house of the Moscow Patriarchate, where everything is prepared for children's prayer.
This material is collected from the patristic literature, which is freely available on the Internet, both separately (in fragments) and as whole electronic books, the volumes of which are very large for the modern reader, who, as a rule, is accustomed to capturing only the superficial essence. The author of this project systematized and selected the material as much as possible, highlighting the most important, focusing on his point of view.
The creator of this project does not claim the authorship of the presented materials and strongly recommends that interested readers purchase the full versions of the Holy Fathers in printed form. The sources used are indicated in the special section of our website "Recommended Literature and Sources", in addition, we have accompanied each book with a small review, useful for all concerned readers.
“Should a child fast before communion?”
- Again: if fasting is a burden for parents, then there is a problem with the child. And if this is the natural life of the family, then such questions do not even arise. The child eats what adults give him. Fasting is not a hunger strike. This is a change in your habits, lifestyle. The main thing in our life is not the number of prayers, not fasting - all this is just a means.
It is necessary not to prohibit, not to force, but that the child voluntarily accept such a way of life. If he was forced, he will break out from under the parental wing and still do it his own way, that's what's terrible. The Holy Fathers advise the child to be raised in such a way that when he grows up, when at the age of 7 he goes to confession for the first time, he himself feels like a Christian, so that he would take the yoke of Christ voluntarily.
It's impossible to force it. The beauty of such a life can only be shown. And when children are carried away by the spiritual life, they discover such wealth that is incomparable with all the riches of the world. As in the Gospel: I found a pearl, went and sold everything for it. So is the spiritual life: if you find it, you will give up everything in order to live this life. It is necessary to help the child discover this wealth within himself, so that he does not think that this is all just external.
“If a child takes communion without confession, should he already somehow prepare for communion?”
- There are no special rules, but if it is possible that he does not eat before communion, it will be good. It is necessary to accustom the child so that from an early age he prepares for going to the temple, he was going to.
“When a child is preparing for his first confession, you need to tell him what sins he has, how to repent of them?”
We are used to drawing the attention of children to what they are doing badly. But after all, the main trouble is not that they do bad things, but that they do not try to do good things. The biggest sin is that a person does not do what he should do. They scold him, and the man realized that he was bad. But the sin is that he does not become good. The main sinfulness is inconsistency with the ideal, holiness.
What is repentance? This is a change of life towards the ideal, holiness. I have to correct myself. If I have only a vision of deviation, and not movement towards the ideal, this is the worst. You need to see the goal of the Christian life - pleasing God. How did I not please God, should I please, but did not please? He did not do this, he did not do this ... Our very sins are not in doing, but in not doing. Failed to fulfill his obligations as a child. Which? Obedience to parents, help, humility, one's duties as a student... When an adult comes and says that he has no special sins, this is evidence of his misunderstanding of the purpose of his life.
“Do parents have to somehow guide, suggest, or does the child decide for himself what to say to the priest?”
– Even before the age of seven, he must be prepared that the day will come when he will come for the first time to confession. This is a holiday! This is the first meeting of a child with a priest at confession. Parents give him a child from their hands. The priest must also be prepared for this. Pious parents warn me in advance.
I already know that the child has come for the first time and I need to talk to him. Here is another conversation - the conversation of the confessor, the spiritual nourishment of the child begins. Not just formally parents bring the child to church, but you need to bring it to the priest who will feed him later.
“Can I ask a child what the father said to him?”
- The secret of confession lies not only in the fact that the priest cannot talk about what he heard in confession, but the one who confessed must also keep it. Idle curiosity about the mystery of the spiritual life is sinful. Therefore, parents should teach themselves to humble themselves, not to ask such questions.
“And if the child himself wants to tell, because he is used to sharing everything with his parents?”
“Then shut up and listen. Then consult with a priest. But do not stir up this conversation, do not encourage. Still, a conversation on confessional topics should be only at confession. And the child must also be able to keep his inner world.
“Parents can tell the priest: the child, they say, does not do this or something else?”
- You can consult on issues that confuse parents.