Psychological support of the child. How to support a child if he doesn't work
There are a lot of young children to teach a lot. But there are days, months, years. Your baby becomes independent, big and almost adult. Now the main thing is that the child needs is faith in his power. Allocated three basic principles that will help parents to provide their children
Support required.
The principle is the first. Set the child to success.
Your expectations should be so to help your child demonstrate how old he has become; To achieve them, he had to try a little more than he was already used to, but that it was for him to do. Thus, when a child succeeds, he will have confidence in his abilities to do something well independently. In case of failure, do not let the child assume that he failed. Instead, pay attention to what he did right, and if possible, help him understand what can be done differently or better next time.
The principle of the second. Praise the child for its achievements, but emphasize the efforts, and not on the result.
Praise strengthens the child's self-esteem, but the right praise helps him learn an important lesson as much as it is necessary to make efforts to achieve the goal. Better to say: "You have done great with the preparation of the report
Yes, "than:" You are so smart. " Stress in the praise the relationship between achievement and attached efforts, and do not write off this success on the score of "natural" or internal characteristics.
Praise should concern the quality of achievements, and not based on the assessment that the child received from someone. For example, it is better to say: "I am proud of how you wrote this dictation" than: "I am proud that you got the top five for dictation."
The principle is the third. Do not be too intrusive.
An important factor in raising a happy, healthy and successful child is his feeling of self-sufficiency and progress. Undoubtedly, it is important for the child to know that the parents are always next to him and are ready to come to the rescue, but it is equally important for him to understand that there are many situations with which he will fully cope independently.
If you try to keep it under control every little thing in the life of a child and not give him the opportunity to do something yourself, he will never have confidence in his own abilities. By and large, the only way to help the child develop a steady self-control skill in itself - to give him freedom to take its own decisions, even if in some cases it will lead to failure or disappointment.
Proper education requires a balance between involvement and the provision of independence. With any extremes - and when the parents are overly guarded the child, and when they are not interested in his life - his mental health suffers.
In each specific situation, parents must compromise between the advantages (intervene and protect the child or help him) and disadvantages (the child is deprived of personal growth, which is a consequence of independence).
With adolescents it is not easy, you will agree. But if you have to be as much as possible and unconditionally believing in the success of grunted Chad (and yes, to unable to broadcast this thought), you can build trust and strong relationships with him.
The child has to learn very many things when he appears the younger brother or sister. No matter how many years old child, they usually have many questions about the newborn. To some of these questions, parents are easily responsible, for example: "Why is the child sleeps so much?", "Why is it feeding his breast?" etc. Other issues may remain unspoken, but they are very interested in the child: "Parents love brother more than me?" Or "Why parents are another child when I already have?"
Consider how parents can explain to the child the appearance of brother or sisters and answer such questions.
For parents, the birth of a new child means that the family became more, and in it everyone loves each other and take care of each other. Parents often hope that the eldest child will be able to see the situation with their eyes, but children usually look at the birth of brother or sisters through the prism of their own emotional experience. Trustful conversations and reasoning can help the child to perceive this situation softer, give him a feeling of comfort and understanding that he was heard.
Explanations and discussions
One way to explain to the child is that it is probably bothering - it is always open to discussions on any topics and give the child the opportunity to express both positive and negative feelings. Parents can easily succumb to illusion that if the child does not raise any questions, they do not bother him. However, it is often quite the opposite: children worries much more questions than they voiced.
Families with children from different marriages
The considered councils are suitable for families in which children come from different marriages. However, in this case, another number of additional factors should be taken into account to prepare a child for the emergence of a younger brother or sister in the family.
Most children whose biological parents do not live together feel support and communicate with both of them. Nevertheless, the appearance of a younger brother or sister gives the child to understand that life continues. And it should be considered to take into account the parents when they help the child to replenish the fact of replenishment.
Change – this is opportunity for development
Each family is unique. For a small child, it is important what he learns and feels in his family. Therefore, if your children are consolidated, or one of the children's children, or there are some other features in the family, talk about it with a child. In strong families, relatives support each other in difficult times. The appearance of the younger child in the family can become for the older valuable life lesson. It will also convince the child that real values \u200b\u200bwill remain unchanged, despite the addition of the family.
Verbral and non-verbally adult informs the child that believes in his power and ability. The child needs support not only when he is bad, but when he is good.
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How to support a child?
Maintain a child - it means to believe in it.Verbral and non-verbally adult informs the child that believes in his power and ability. The child needs support not only when he is bad, but when he is good.
How to support a child?
There are false ways, the so-called "support-trap". So, typical of parents with supports of support are hyperemp, creating a child's dependence on adult, imposing unreal standards, stimulating with rivalry with siblings (brothers and sisters) and peers. These methods lead to child experiences, interfere with the normal development of his personality.
In order to show faith in a child, an adult must have courage and a desire to do the following:
Forget about past child failures;
Help the child to gain confidence that he will cope with this task;
Allow the child to start from scratch, relying on the fact that adults believe in him, in his ability to achieve success;
Remember about past luck and return to them, and not to
errors.
It is very important to take care of creating a child with a guaranteed success. Perhaps it will require an adult to change the requirements for the child, but it is worth it. Success generates success and strengthens confidence in their forces, both in the child and in an adult.
So, in order to support the child, it is necessary:
1. Repeat on the strengths of the child.
2. Avoid underscounted by the misses of the child.
3. Show that you are satisfied with the child.
4. Be able and want to demonstrate love and respect for the child. -
5. Be able to help the child break great tasks for smaller, those with which he can cope.
6. Conduct more time with the child.
7. Make humor in relationship with the child.
8. To know about all attempts to a child to cope with the task.
9. To be able to interact with the child.
10. Allow the child to solve the problems where it is possible.
11. Avoid disciplinary incentives and punishments.
12. Take the child's personality.
13. Show faith in a child, empathy for him.
14. Show optimism.
There are words that support the child, and the words that destroy his faith in themselves.
Words of support:
Knowing you, I'm sure you will do everything well.
You make it very good.
You have some considerations about this. Are you ready to start?
This is a serious challenge, but I am sure you are ready for him.
Words of disappointment:
Knowing you and your abilities, I think you could do it much better.
You could do it much better.
This idea can never be implemented.
It is too difficult for you, so I will do it myself.
Adults often confuse support with praise and reward. Praise may be, and maybe not to be support. For example, too generous praise may seem like a child insincere. In another case, she can support a child who is afraid that it does not correspond to the expectations of adults.
Psychological support is based on helping the child to feel their need. The difference between support and award is determined by time and effect. The award is usually issued to a child for making something well, or for some achievements during a certain period of time. Support, unlike praise, can be provided with any attempt or low progress. When the adult is pleased with the fact that the child does, it supports the baby and stimulates it to new attempts. And the child likes to be active and independent.
Can be supported by:
some words - beautiful, gently, beautiful, great, wonderful, forward, go on;
statements - i'm proud of you; I like how you work; I am pleased with your help; Thank you; Everything goes beautiful; Well, thank you; I am glad that you participated in it; I am glad that you tried to do it, although everything turned out not as you expected;
tosses - pat on the shoulder; touch to hand; gently raise the chin of a child; bring your face to his face; hug it;
joint actions, physical complicity -sit, stand next to the child; to gently lead it; play with him; listen to him; eat with him;
facial expressions - smile, wink, nod, laughter. The proposed adult and child communication style is based on mutual respect. Mutual respect implies that both are both a child and an adult - allow each other to be honest and openly express feelings and thoughts, without fear of being incomprehensible and rejected.
Each parent loves her child and supports him. It would seem that it would seem difficult: to nourge at the right moment, pat on the shoulder, say encouraging words ...
However, not everything turns out to be so simple: which words are considered to be considered supporting - there are often differences and the substitution of meaning often. However, there is a steady indicator that the parent does everything right, is the gratitude of the child. Any other reactions are a failure indicator in relationships.
"The Son reacts very strangely to my support and encouragement," the mom of a second-grader complains. - Such conversations almost always end in tears and the refusal to continue the work begun. For example, the son gets the top three, comes home sad.
I tell him, gently, not scolding: "We must try!"
He answers immediately with the challenge: "I tried!"
I do not react to his challenge: "Well, since three received, it means that it didn't try it enough."
Son: "I can't ... I can't work."
I: "What prevents you from?"
Son: "Me Anton all the lesson mixed up. I could not concentrate because of this. "
I: "This is the easiest way to blame for someone else. We must be responsible for your actions. "
Son says nothing, starts crying. I'm starting to be angry, I do not calm it therefore. How else to support it? "
Mom's present conversation with his son is well illustrated, unfortunately, typical substitutions of meaning, where the result of communication is not the support of the child in a difficult psychologically situation for him, but something else.
We will analyze what contribution to every "supporting" phrase to the end result is the tears of the child.
So, the child is mistaken, gets a mark below the expected. He is upset, comes home. Mom does not scold him, but says: you have to try! What does this phrase mean for a child mean?
Mom believes that the Son did not attach enough effort to achieve the desired result. Consequently, the child is bad, and the mother imposes an accusation in this state in inconsistency.
The child protests: I tried! Mom splits his resistance to the iron argument, appealing to the result. Now the child is neither myself nor mom can prove that he attached efforts.
Further, the boy is painted in his complete insolvency: I can't ... Here, Mom gives his son provoking the opportunity to remove the blame for what is happening. However, this is the possibility that is provoking, since in the next replica Mom returns the son of a dual volume. Double for shifting the responsibility to external circumstances - although it is MINI QUESTION (which interferes?) Pushed his son to answer, for which he had to pay.
From powerlessness, from the reluctance to fall into traps, placed by the mother, the boy goes into the cry. Maybe now, seeing his genuine mountain, Mom will regret and support him?
Not. Mom, seeing tears, believes his son softly and annoyed: I support it, I support it, and he does not appreciate it - roars. But it might and punish for low marks.
With this approach, Mom begins to be perceived by a cunning monster. However, in fact, it is not the case, Mom supports the Son as it can. Or as they supported her in childhood. At the level of feelings, the memories did not remain, there are no sensations from these words, only the words themselves remain: we must try!
Stop the child's place in such a situation quite easy. You can imagine how a husband trying dinner, frowning and says: "Cutlets today failed! It is necessary to try better! "
Immediately there is a feeling of impossible injustice: after all, it could see for the TV series, but for dinner to cook shopping dumplings, but I did the cutlets, I tried ...
Summing up, you can say the following: Passage educational stamps (you need to try!) Do not perform supporting functions.
They have another task, like all phrases starting with the words "need," most often this control and an indication of an error. In this situation (and in her like) it is redundant, the child is so upset.
If you look at the baby's eyes taking place, supporting words to find much easier. What would we like to hear from the spouse in the case of not quite successful meat? Yes, whatever, but not instructive: "We must try!"
If your child is professionally engaged in any sport and participates in competitions, it is important to know how to prepare for them not only physically, but also psychologically.
Before the competition, anyone experiences excitement, and even the more small child. The identity of a small athlete is not yet formed, therefore the burden of load entrusted to him and and psychological experiences he perceives sharper. Therefore, parents and coaches should relate to the child as close as possible in this difficult period, to help excitement to cope in every way. A child will be able to defeat if he is calm and confident in himself and its power.
On the eve of the competition, the child is usually especially nervous, so you need to remove this tension: try to distract it - go to walk on nature, go together to the cinema or theater. Try not to concern in conversation the topic of the competition.
2-3 days before the start of the competition, exclude physical exertion for the child, including training: the body should relax as much as possible and gain strength before the upcoming load. Do not forget that the moral support for parents is most important for a small athlete. If the child expresses you his disturbing thoughts and fears, then you need to try to convince him in the opposite - that fears are in vain and he will overcome everything; And if you do not even win a prize place, it will strengthen its spirit for further victories. The purpose of the parents and the coach is to motivate the child to fight their own fears and victory.
It is also important for the child's correct routine of the day with alternation of labor, relaxation and sufficient time for sleep - at least 8 hours. The issue of balanced nutrition is also important: food must charge a child with energy. It is advisable to reduce the child's pastime in front of a computer and a TV.
Support during Competitions
No need to give advice to the child during the competition, shouting them from the place: be as calm - then your confidence will be transferred to your tea. During breaks between the fights, it is useless to try to warn from something or teach, except in uncertainty you will set anything in the soul of a small athlete.
At the competition you need to come about 30-40 minutes before the start, so that you can safely change clothes and tune in to the desired way.
After the competition
If your child did not take a prize room or lost, then he in no case should notice the disappointedness in your eyes or words, you should always talk to the child and not to be lit by moral. Anger or negative feedbacks can cause depression in the child and form an understated self-esteem for many years. After the competition, you need to distract the child from gloomy thoughts, to buy a beloved taste or a desired toy. And the most important thing for a child is to understand that the main victory is a victory over yourself. Parents needed words can help find coaches that are authority for a young athlete.