How to develop self-confidence and learn to achieve success in life? How to develop self-confidence I want to be self-confident

Self-doubt not only interferes with setting and achieving desired goals in life, building interpersonal relationships, but is also an unpleasant emotional experience. Insecure people often dream not so much of gaining faith in themselves in order to achieve more in life, but to get rid of the painful sense of their own inadequacy that arises from failure or social contacts.

Self-confidence is a concept in psychology that describes an emotional state or a stable personal quality, the essence of which is the acceptance of one's individuality, a positive assessment of one's abilities, skills and rights. Confidence is in psychology the ability to allow oneself to have certain requests and the absence of fear or guilt when presenting them to the environment, initiative and courage in social contacts.

From the point of view of psychology, confidence is the norm, a sign of a healthy, harmonious personality. This is a quality that every person should strive for when engaging in self-development. Self-confidence must be distinguished from self-confidence (confidence in the absence of negative qualities in oneself, arrogance, a tendency to treat others with disdain).

Characteristic features of a self-confident person are the following skills.

1. Playfulness, a tendency to improvise, open and spontaneous self-expression.
2. The ability to admit their mistakes, but without self-abasement and self-blame.
3. Calm perception of both claims and compliments addressed to you.
4. The ability to discuss, directly and honestly express one's own opinion, even if it is unpopular in society.
5. The ability to repeat a request, a question, to remind another person of the promise he made. Willingness to protect their interests and rights.

For an insecure person, the presentation of their point of view, achievements, needs, desires is accompanied by a mass of negative experiences (fear, embarrassment, shame, guilt). The more insecure a person is, the more difficult it is for him to take active steps to achieve his goals, to make independent decisions. Too much energy is wasted on worry and doubt. A confident person is not afraid of possible failures and is not unsettled for a long time.

How to become a confident woman: the psychology of an excellent student

The complex of an excellent student, also known as perfectionism, is the problem of most insecure women. A “good” girl still lives inside them, who is obliged to bring home only fives. A girl who was let go for a walk in a white dress, and she returned home in the evening without a single spot. Such women simply do not give themselves the right to make a mistake or an imperfect result. After all, this is no longer an “excellent” rating. As a result, any unimportant business becomes very energy-consuming, and the presence of even minor flaws in the completed project is accompanied by an acute experience of guilt and shame.

Women with an honors complex are very easy to manipulate. The bosses often put the most difficult work on them and ask more from them than from other employees. Although financially encourages in no way, realizing that hypertrophied responsibility will do its job.

This inner little excellent student has tremendous power over consciousness. It is her voice that discourages you from trying something new, because for sure you will not be able to achieve perfection in an unfamiliar business with a swoop. So why try? It is this little monster with bows that forbids you to enjoy life and makes you feel unworthy of anything good, until you lose weight, get a promotion, and make others happy.

To regain self-confidence, you need to know the enemy in person. Mentally imagine this girl with a straight posture, neat pigtails, perfect handwriting and dolls seated in height, before your eyes, every time it starts And give her a good mental kick. Never allow yourself statements like “stupid”, “bad”, “not capable of anything”, “fool”, “lazy”. Think about it, would you say something similar to your best friend or child? In case of failure, you should not torment yourself with accusations, but above all support.

How to become a strong and self-confident woman: the psychology of stereotypes

Gender stereotypes that still exist in our society contribute to the maintenance of gender inequality. And many of them serve a disservice to women who dream of social fulfillment.

A strong influence on the formation and maintenance of gender stereotypes is provided by the media, in particular the film industry, literature and video games, where women and men are portrayed in an exaggerated stereotype. Traditionally, men are credited with such qualities as initiative, activity, enterprise, talent for the exact sciences, they are given the right to express aggression, competitive behavior. A "real woman" should be soft, tender, fragile, delicate, emotional, family-oriented and devoid of career ambitions. If such characteristics do not correspond to the woman's sense of self, then the pressure of society becomes a real source of stress and the cause of the formation of self-doubt.

The majority is convinced of the naturalness and naturalness of gender roles accepted in society. However, in reality, there is a diversity of ideas about gender depending on the culture and era in question. Moreover, gender stereotypes do not reflect the real statistics of the wide involvement of women in professional activities in modern society at all levels. For example, the creator of the first programming language was a woman - Ada Lovelace.

The boss criticized, the girl refused? What does it mean? You will never succeed, no one can love you? When you fail, ask yourself: what of it? The answer to this question will help to reveal your complexes and false ideas about life.

Create a positive self image

Self-confidence is greatly influenced by the established image of one's personality. By identifying themselves with the image of a loser, people unconsciously begin to conform to a negative self-image, failing even in the presence of favorable opportunities. For example, doubting his attractiveness to the opposite sex, a guy begins to behave stiffly or unnaturally when communicating with women. As a result, he pushes them away from himself and receives “irrefutable evidence” that he is nothing interesting.

As soon as you expand your ideas about your personality, external events will confirm your new views of yourself. To achieve this, you can go two ways. Either pump your psyche using various methods of self-hypnosis (), or gradually get rid of the restrictions in your mind. Challenge one false belief after another by looking for or deliberately creating positive situations in your experience.

Describe at least three situations each day that indicate your success (receiving a compliment, thanking a friend, applying for a job). Give as much energy and attention to pleasant memories as to failures. And soon you will feel how the feeling of self-confidence grows and grows stronger in you.

A self-confident person delights, inspires, and also inspires confidence in others. He is able to face his fears and is not afraid to take risks.

He knows that regardless of the scale of the obstacles that arise in his way, there will certainly be an opportunity to overcome them.

Confident people tend to see life in a favorable light, even when things go horribly wrong. At such moments, they continue to remain positively charged and have respect for themselves.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem and lack of confidence perceive the world as a hostile place and themselves as a victim.

As a result, being in the role of passive observers, they are reluctant to show their abilities and do not open up from the best side, as a result of which they miss the opening opportunities and drive themselves into a state of their own impotence to change the situation.

All this further reduces their self-esteem and self-confidence, dragging them into an enchanted downward spiral.

Confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing, although they are closely related.

Self confidence is a concept that is used to characterize your attitude towards your ability to perform various functions, tasks and roles.

Confident behavior is not about not making mistakes, because they are inevitable, especially if you are doing something new.

Confidence is manifested in self-control and the commission of purposeful meaningful actions when various kinds of errors occur, allowing you to solve problems and.

Lack of confidence can be the result of many factors:

1. Fear of the unknown.
2. Criticism.
3. dissatisfaction with their appearance.
4. Unpreparedness for the situation.
5. Lack of required skills.
6. Previous failures.

Self-confidence, like self-esteem, is not a static concept, and therefore its level can both rise and fall. We may feel more confident at some points in our lives than at others.

The level of confidence can manifest itself in many ways: through your behavior, your body language, what and how you say, etc.

Self-esteem- this is your attitude to yourself, to your personality, to how you look, what you think, as well as to your own beliefs and achievements. This is the final result of the quality of your life at a particular moment in time, which your body gives out in the form of an appropriate emotion.

People with low self-esteem are also the most likely to suffer from a lack of confidence, but some people with good self-esteem may similarly lack confidence.

The reverse situation is also quite likely, when a person with low self-esteem can be very confident in some areas.

Possible reasons for low self-esteem:

1. Disdainful attitude and negative environment.
2. Childhood experiences and lack of parental care.
3. Job loss or difficulty finding employment.
4. Constant stress.
5. Physical ailment.
6. , divorce.
7. Physical or sexual abuse.
8. mental problems, .

Signs of confidence and insecurity

Signs of high self-esteem and self-confidence:

• A confident person does what he thinks is right, even if others criticize him for it.
• Willing to take risks and put in the extra effort to achieve better results.
• He is able to admit his mistakes, thanks to which he improves.
• Does not try to spread his achievements to everyone in a row, thus not trying to attract praise.
• Less tendency to be jealous and control the other person.
• No fear of being vulnerable.
• The ability to set personal boundaries.
• The ability to get rid of the superfluous: unnecessary situations, people, work.
• Responsibility for your actions and emotions.

Signs of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence:

• The behavior of an insecure person depends on the opinions of other people.
• He is used to staying in his comfort zone, fearing failure and avoiding risk.
• Always tries to hide his mistakes and hopes he can fix the problem before anyone else finds out.
• Communicates his merits and merits as often as possible and to as many people as possible.
• Absence .
• Awareness of being unnecessary or not good enough.
• Inability to make decisions.
• He doesn't like anyone.
• Taking on someone else's fault.
• Failure to recognize your strengths.
• He considers himself undeserving of happiness.

Why is it important to build self-esteem and self-confidence?

With sufficient self-confidence and healthy self-esteem, you will feel great about having a perfect understanding of your ability to do what you want to do to improve the quality of your own life.

You will make decisions more easily, guided only by your inner choice. You will be able to try everything that you previously avoided, and stop letting fear control your destiny.

More Success

Self-confidence and high self-esteem are one of the most important keys to career success and.

You'll be less likely to get stuck on a dead end job because you'll be clear on your value by being able to find a better deal elsewhere.

When it comes to business, only enough self-esteem and self-confidence will allow you to move forward when others give up the fight or twist a finger to the temple.

Stronger Relationships

It is very difficult to have a harmonious relationship when you constantly feel inferior. You will end up tending to rely too heavily on your partner, who you find more confident.

Once you develop self-confidence and self-esteem, you can be a direct participant in the process of developing relationships without living in the role of an extra, and also fully reveal your personality, investing in relationships and receiving in return for the most part positive emotions.

Life gets easier

When you love and respect yourself, and treat yourself with understanding, everything becomes much easier.

You stop making an elephant out of a fly. Any problem for you is just another task that needs to be solved, or a situation that is not worth your attention.

You stop beating yourself up for your mistakes and trying to live up to any standards.

Improving Mental Health

A negative attitude towards yourself and your abilities poisons your thinking, as a result of which you become prone to anxiety and a tendency to depressive states.

Looking at yourself as a wonderful person will surely give you a positive charge, and will also become a source of a flexible and stable psyche.

More internal stability

When you deeply and sincerely love yourself, when you have a high opinion of yourself, there is no need to seek attention and external confirmation of your worth from other people.

As a result, you cease to be needy, and your inner vision of yourself becomes independent of what the people around you may think or say about you.

Exclusion of internal sabotage

Most people's worst enemy is themselves.

Confidence and high self-esteem will allow you to treat yourself as more worthy of good things, achievements and environment.

You will strive to get everything indicated with much more motivation. And becoming their owner, you will not create obstacles for yourself that can destroy what you have.

More happiness

It is difficult to be happy when self-esteem and self-confidence are at zero. In this case, you will feel sad, incapable of anything and in a hopeless situation, unworthy of love and respect, and also not deserving of a wonderful life.

Once you become confident and able to increase your self-esteem, you will make the necessary changes to find your way out of the labyrinth of past failures by opening the door to the happiness room.

Other benefits:

1. Ability to function more effectively under stress.
2. Developing the ability to influence and persuade others.
3. Development and executive skills.
4. Positive thinking.
5. Increasing attractiveness.
6. Reducing the flow of negative thoughts.
7. More courage and less anxiety.
8. Increased energy and motivation.

How to become self-confident. Basics

In 1952, the journal "Educational Leadership" published an article "Self-Confidence for Competence" by author Bernice Milburn Moore.

Moore describes confidence as a belief in oneself that helps to overcome life events.

He believes that you become more confident if you start to be better at what you do.

Self-confidence without competence is as useless as competence without self-confidence.
Bernice Milburn Moore

This idea can be represented as a system:

1. Improving skills.
2. Putting them into practice.
3. Evaluation of results.
4. Growth in self-confidence.
5. Repetition.

What skills should you develop? It all depends on your goals that you are pursuing at the moment.

However, there are some universal skills that every person should improve:

• Discipline.
  Stop listening to the whiner in your head. Don't listen when he says, "You'll make your bed later," "Sleep for another hour," "You're going to the gym next week."
• Communication.
  Effective communication is an art on which your ability to interact with your environment depends. Therefore, if you think that you are a professional in this field, never before thinking about how you should build communication with people, you are deeply mistaken.
• Negotiation.
  You are negotiating all the time. With my own, with children, parents, teachers, friends, colleagues and many others. So learn to work out the best offer for all parties.
• Problem solving.
  The modern education system, based on getting grades and the concepts of “good” and “bad”, turns young people into cogs that are necessary for the social mechanism. As a result, most people are so accustomed to doing tasks for others that they themselves are not prepared to solve problems in difficult situations. However, the world is changing, and the winner is the one who is better at overcoming completely different problems.
  
• Health and appearance.
  Feeling good, as well as being attractive, is a great way to invest your time and attention. Being in good physical shape and having an attractive appearance, you will definitely be able to increase self-esteem and become more self-confident.

How to become confident and increase self-esteem

1. Know yourself

Know your enemy and know yourself, and you can fight a thousand battles without defeat.
Sun Tzu

Before the start of the battle, a wise commander tries to get to know his enemy as best as possible. And when you're trying to boost your self-esteem and become confident, your worst enemy is standing in your way - yourself.

To get to know yourself better, listen to your thoughts, analyze why they have negative connotations.

Then reflect on the strengths of your personality, your abilities, what you like.

Make two lists, one of which will include your strengths, the second - your weaknesses.

Think about the factors that limit you. Determine if they are truly objective, or if they are just a game of your mind.

Remind yourself that despite your challenges, you are unique, special, and valuable and deserve the very best.

After all, you are a miracle of consciousness, the consciousness of the universe. Identify and challenge any negative thoughts about yourself, such as "I'm a failure" or "Nobody loves me."

It doesn't matter how you feel about yourself right now. What matters is what you want to become. So look as deep as you can into yourself and you will become more confident.

2. Positive thinking

Every human mind loves to whisper, “This is too complicated. Stop and go watch TV.”

Instead of indulging such thoughts, treat them as erroneous phenomena, carefully identifying each of them.

When you catch such a thought, destroy it by replacing it with a positive belief with the opposite meaning: “Keep going, you can do it. There is very little left.”

3. Positive action

You are what you do. So if you change your actions, you can change yourself.

Act in a positive way, talk to people in a positive manner, use your energy, and soon you will notice a difference.

4. Focus on your strengths

If you continue to focus on your shortcomings, sooner or later you will lose much of your self-confidence.

Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths.

Maybe you could be an amazing public speaker, a great chef, or a great businessman.

Take a look at the various areas of your life and perhaps you will see in yourself a person of great value.

5. Body language

Confident people have a different way of non-verbal communication.

They walk with their back straight, keep their heads straight, look into the eyes of others and do not suffer from the presence of unnecessary movements.

Therefore, to increase self-esteem and become self-confident, adopt the body language of confident people.

6. Leisurely speech

It is a fact. Confident people tend to speak slowly.

A person who thinks that they will not want to listen to him will speak quickly, because he considers himself and his speech unworthy of waiting.

Try talking more slowly than usual, which will make you feel more confident.

7. Speak loudly enough

Shy people tend to speak softly or mumble because they don't want to draw attention to themselves.

Confident people are not afraid to be the center of attention, and try to convey information to all listeners with maximum efficiency, so they speak loudly enough, clearly and clearly.

8. Smile

Banality? But it works.

You will feel a surge of confidence when you start smiling at other people. Great investment of your time and energy.

9. Get in the front row

When you attend major events, do you rush to get a front row seat, or are you more likely to proceed to the last seats?

Many people are accustomed to hiding behind the backs of others, so as not to risk being invited to the stage or being in the role of answering a question.

But think about it, who usually sits in the front row at all official meetings of any company? Who takes first place in fashion shows? Of course the most important people.

Once in the front row, you put yourself on the same level with important people. You are signaling to others that you are one of the most important guests and can demand to be treated accordingly. You will also notice that you will start acting like a VIP invitee.

You put yourself in the spotlight by stepping out of your comfort zone, so you have no choice but to become self-confident.

10. Improve your skills

This has already been said before, but it is worth adding that you should start with small steps.

If you want to become a professional writer, for example, don't try to figure out all the ins and outs of the profession all at once. Just start writing and then write more.

11. Set a small goal and achieve it

People want to reach the stars by the end of the month, and when they fail, utter surprise appears on their faces.

Set an achievable goal, and then achieve it, as a result of which you will receive satisfaction. Then set and implement the next goal.

Soon you will prepare yourself to conquer higher peaks.

12. Change some minor habit

To begin with, take a swing not at such a large-scale one as quitting smoking, but something less significant. For example, waking up 10 minutes earlier or drinking a glass of water when you wake up.

Repeat fixing for a month. When the new habit becomes an integral part of your life, you will become more confident and your self-esteem will increase.

13. Focus on problem solving

If you are used to complaining about life, plunging into negative emotions and focusing on problems, just shift your focus.

Focus not on the problem, but on the solution. And this is one of the best ways to become confident and increase self-esteem.

"I'm fat and lazy." How do you solve it? “The thing is, I can't.” And how do you solve it? “But I have no energy.” So what's the solution?

14. Do something you've been putting off for a long time.

What lurks on your to-do list, deciding to hide there forever? Complete this task tomorrow and rid yourself of the memory of it.

You will feel lightness and satisfaction with the result.

15. Be active and try new things

Doing something is almost always better than doing nothing.

Of course, this something can lead to mistakes, but they are just a part of your life.

Only in this way can you learn something new and become a better version of yourself over time, so don't worry.

Just do something. and click on your activity toggle, taking steps to achieve a goal.

16. Focus on the building blocks of a larger whole.

Trying to realize a serious project or a difficult task can seem overwhelming and intimidating, even for the most confident people.

Instead, learn to break complex tasks down into their component parts and implement each one in turn, one after the other.

Achievement will allow you to get a charge of positive emotions, and will bring you closer to the realization of all your plans.

Learn to work like this all the time, and soon you will become the benchmark of confidence.

17. Avoid perfectionism

If you strive for perfection, you risk disappointment. You can always get better, but it's impossible to be perfect.

Stop striving to make everything perfect. Accept the fact that nothing has to be perfect to be considered perfect. Therefore, you do not need to be perfect.

Show more tolerance for your own mistakes and shortcomings, because they do not detract from your talents and strengths of your personality.

18. Use criticism as a learning tool

Everyone looks at the world from their own point of view. What works for one person may not work for another.

Criticism is just someone else's opinion that you can use as feedback.

Treat criticism constructively, without reacting defensively to it or allowing it to affect your self-esteem.

Accept criticism calmly, and once you're satisfied with it, use it as a way to learn and improve.

19. Make your residence clean, comfortable and inviting

Even if you just clean the windows or water the plants, you will feel much better.

Also, clean up your desk. It may seem like something insignificant, but such a simple action can work wonders.

If your desktop begins to sink into confusion and the world around you plunges into chaos, tidying up your desk is a great way to take control of the situation.

As a result, you will feel calm in the center of the storm that has broken out around you.

20. Take care of your appearance

Personal hygiene, fashionable haircut, neat and stylish have always been and will always remain allies of high self-esteem and self-confidence.

21. Sound sleep and healthy eating

Make sure you get enough sleep to get enough sleep and try to eat foods that help your health flourish.

22. Exercise

A healthy body has high self-esteem and self-confidence. Train regularly, despite the possible “I don’t want to” or bad weather.

Physical activity helps to increase mood, internal energy, performance, reduce levels and maintain your body weight at an optimal level.

23. Getting knowledge

By improving your awareness, you become not only intellectually developed, but also more self-confident.

If you are the owner of a higher education, there is no need to put an end to the luggage of your knowledge.

Nowadays, thanks to the Internet, you can find a lot of literature for every taste. Therefore, develop not only the body, but also the mind.

24. Prepare your best

If an important event is coming up in your life, take the time to carefully prepare for it. Once you have done everything you could to be as ready as possible, trust the result.

For example, if you have an important business meeting coming up, or you are applying, think about the possible questions you might be asked that you might want to voice. Only after the preparatory stage go to a meeting or interview.

Plan and manage life situations as much as possible. You will feel confident knowing that you have taken the preparatory steps.

25. Do what you like

Treat yourself to something that you love so much or so passionately desire to do.

Grab a cup of coffee, make yourself some, go skydiving, or sign up for a course that interests you.

Also, don't forget to celebrate your accomplishments, whatever they may be.

26. Develop a positive environment

It's important to build a network of family, friends, colleagues, and other confident people who support you and your efforts.

This does not mean that they will never give constructive feedback, but even this behavior will be based on a sincere desire for your success.

Tell your friends or relatives about your experiences, and ask them for advice and support. Perhaps they have similar problems.

Don't be too shy or reserved: most people close to you really want you well and want to help.

27. Meet other people

When you are at some event surrounded by a large number of people, do not be dependent on the presence of your acquaintances. Go and talk to strangers.

It's no secret that exceptionally self-confident people have the ability to establish acquaintances.

28. Get rid of harmful people, places and habits

Why would you waste your time, energy and emotions on people who will not appreciate it and will not offer anything in return, except for an unpleasant aftertaste resulting from joint communication.

And it's not that they have nothing to take. They simply will not be able to understand you, because they have a completely different level of development, as a rule, a lower one, to which they will try to lower you.

The same goes for the places you can visit, as well as your habits. If they do not contribute to your development, get rid of them like unnecessary trash.

Stop fighting what you don't like in your life. Just eliminate everything superfluous.

29. Stop comparing yourself to other people.

If you compare your appearance and personal qualities with others, the inevitable result will be a loss of self-confidence and a decrease in self-esteem.

Every day you come across the people around you, their photos on social networks and the various statuses of their hectic lives.

You may think that they are doing much better than you, and that they are simply better than you.

One way to boost your self-esteem and gain confidence is to stop comparing and spend less time on social media.

30. Stop trying to impress others.

Stop playing different roles and adjusting to the expectations of the people around you.

If you are able to bring sincerity into your life, you will be surprised how positively others will respond to you.

31. Learn to say “No”

Don't agree just because you don't want conflict or misunderstanding. You may well politely decline requests without even coming up with an excuse.

Saying “Yes” all the time will make you feel useful and needed, but in the end, you will burn yourself to the ground.

To keep your energy at an optimal level, be sure to refrain from wasting time and effort.

If you already have plans, then you have the right to refuse everyone else. You will not only save yourself from many problems, but you will also be able to earn respect.

32. Be grateful for who you are.

Many people complain about themselves, declaring a desire to have missing qualities or skills, while doing nothing to change for the better.

Instead, take the time to be grateful for who you are.

In fact, you have many wonderful qualities, and it is much more effective to focus on improving them.

33. Goodwill

It may sound trite, but being kind has a strong effect on your self-confidence.

If you are always selfish, angry and dissatisfied, you will find that your self-esteem does not rise, but falls.

It is important for you to be kind to others, because this way you will give yourself a boost of positive energy.

Generosity, kindness and compassion are the lot of strong people.

34. Assess your accomplishments

Confidence is dependent on internal awareness of the level of one's own success.

But if you are not seeing success in your life, your self-confidence is likely to be low. So how can you believe that you are successful?

No matter where you are right now, you have achieved much more than you think.

You tend to look to the future and constantly compare yourself to the best version you want to become.

You look into the future, where your ideal self has lots of money, a happy family, and a beautiful home. Then you evaluate your current self and feel overwhelmed.

But you rarely look back and forget to compare your current self to who you were a few years ago.

You very often forget how far you have come, how much is behind you, and what has already been achieved so far.

35. Don't Think You Can't Become Confident

There are already many things in your life that you do with natural confidence. You just need to notice them and understand what it's like to be confident.

Think back to brushing your teeth, walking in the park, or talking to a close friend. You do it all confidently and completely naturally.

Transfer the sense of confidence hidden in you to those areas where, as you think, it is lacking.

Not all girls have self-confidence, which often turns into difficulties for them in their careers and personal lives. Is there a way to acquire this quality if it has not been instilled since childhood?

Signs of an insecure person

• Rapid, chaotic, or slurred speech. You are embarrassed to express your opinion, and if this happens, it is clear that you are uncomfortable. The doubtful intonation in the voice of a shy person and interlocutors makes one doubt her words.
• Distracted look. You rarely make eye contact and are generally uncomfortable with being looked at and afraid of eye contact. However, please note that when you look into the eyes of the interlocutor, then he has no choice, he also looks into your eyes. If you constantly look away, then the person has more opportunities in the meantime to explore all the shortcomings (fictitious or real) that give you self-doubt.
• Clumsiness. When talking, you do not know where to put your hands, how best to sit down and the like. Because of your chaotic movements, some objects can often fall, you touch the interlocutor with your hands or stumble out of the blue.
• Closure. Girls who feel insecure most often prefer to lead a secluded lifestyle. If this is your case, then it means that you are trying to avoid the company of unfamiliar people, and other people's attention, first of all, does not flatter you, but makes you tense up.
• Too inconspicuous or defiant clothing. Most often, girls who would do well to gain more self-confidence prefer to wear things that do not attract much attention - they do not seek to emphasize sexuality or femininity, being afraid to look ridiculous. In more rare cases, there may be another extreme - the girl puts on defiant things, thereby trying to hide her complexes.

If you notice any of these signs in yourself, then you probably need to reconsider your attitude towards yourself. Doubts that periodically overcome you interfere with a fulfilling life. However, the good news is that you can get rid of them!

How to learn to be more confident

1. You should find a hobby or occupation in which you can achieve good results. Think about what you have a predisposition to, and get on with it. Perhaps as a child you were good at drawing, sewing or dancing. Get back to this activity! A person who is successful in some area of ​​life (hobby or work) is more confident in himself.

2. Do not ignore problems that you could have solved long ago if not for your insecurities. It would not hurt you to go to the dentist for a long time, but you are embarrassed, starting the problem more and more? You need to definitely talk to some unpleasant person, but you are trying in every possible way to delay this moment? There can be many such examples. Until you solve the problem that has arisen, it will remain in your thoughts, and, therefore, in your life. Get over your fear and the problem will remain in the gap. Many difficulties are solved in minutes, and instead you spend weeks and months worrying.

3. Don't be afraid to speak your mind. Others may treat you differently than you expect, solely because they are unaware of your sincere expectations. Feel free to speak out loud information about what you want from other people. Pre-formulate the thought in your head, say it to yourself several times, and then confidently and calmly voice it.

4. Deal with adversity with dignity. Having survived the betrayal of a loved one, faced with an illness or some kind of resentment, do not give up, but try to analyze the situation. Such shocks are not an occasion for depression, but for becoming stronger in the face of life's adversities.

5. Forget self-pity. You should love yourself, but don't be sorry. This feeling does nothing to improve self-esteem. If any trouble happened to you, you do not need to lament over your difficult fate, climbing even deeper under your “shell”. Sometimes resentment and anger at the fact that you are so ridiculously put in a similar situation can be much more useful and productive.

6. Take care of your appearance. It has long been no secret to anyone that the better a woman looks, the more confident she feels. Probably, you have noticed more than once that, having made a successful hairstyle or buying a new thing that suits you, you feel differently. If such successful innovations in your appearance will occur regularly, then this will undoubtedly have a positive effect on your self-esteem.

7. Circle of friends. Note that the wider your social circle, the better for you. Frequent communication with the opposite sex will positively affect your personal life. Regularly in many cities, and perhaps in yours, there are events where you can meet other people - exciting excursions, trainings and master classes.

How to become a more determined and calm woman

A calm and self-confident woman often causes only respect and admiration. Is it easy to become such a woman?

Fighting negativity. You must not give in to negative emotions. Suppress the habit of criticizing other people and becoming annoyed because of their attitude towards you. Think about what makes the offenders do this or that, what deep motives they actually pursue. Talk openly and calmly with the person who is causing you a negative reaction - find out exactly what he is trying to achieve. If possible, keep your meetings to a minimum.

Stop being offended. Perhaps resentment is one of the most unconstructive feelings that are characteristic of children, but very strange for adults. In response to some act that offended you, you should not withdraw into yourself and move away from the person - explain to him that his act hurt you. Argument this. Learn to build a dialogue, conveying your desires through it.

Control emotions. If you feel that you are on the limit, and you are having a hard time coping with your emotions, mentally collect your thoughts. If appropriate, just walk out of the conflict zone by telling the person calmly and without offense, “Let's get back to this conversation later. I have to go now". If we are talking about a brewing quarrel with a stranger, then also try to turn off the conversation as soon as possible.

Be calm. Even if there are millions of thoughts, doubts or indignation inside you, try not to show it outwardly. Breathe evenly using your diaphragm. Inhale slowly and exhale for a few minutes. Step aside and take a few deep breaths. Concentrate not on negative emotions, but on your breath.

Take a break. If something upsets or angers you, then find an opportunity to distract yourself from it. Take the example of Jane Eyre, and tell yourself what you will think about it tomorrow, or at least a little later. In the meantime, do something more pleasant for yourself - call a loved one with whom you enjoy talking, watch a good movie, go to a concert, etc.

Do some sports. Many women and men who play sports are much better than others in dealing with their negative emotions. This is not surprising, since during training on simulators, wrestling, swimming or fitness, stress is significantly relieved.

When you need to be bold or self-confident

Of course, it’s great if you become a calm and reasonable girl, but often this is not enough for self-confidence. Sometimes it is necessary to demonstrate to others that you are capable of insolence. Do not confuse with hysteria! So when is it appropriate?

1 - Insult. If someone is clearly trying to hurt you more, then you need to make it clear to the offender that you do not intend to tolerate this. Learn to take a hit, and respond to outright rudeness in the same vein. Of course, you should not slide down to “bazaar showdowns”, it is advisable to be able to put a person in his place with one or two phrases, like: “It's none of your business”, “Your behavior is tactless” and the like.

2 - Disrespect. When a salesperson is deliberately ignoring you, when friends or relatives are obviously taking advantage of you, or when other similar situations of disrespect occur to you, you may well be insolent - once calmly and firmly stated what you think about the person. If this does not bring results, start avoiding communication with him.

3 - Game. Insolence and self-confidence can be used in completely harmless forms. It can be a playful conversation with a lover - and you and he understand that this is just flirtatiousness, and both of you like it.

What is the difference between arrogance and confidence

What can be called arrogance? Perhaps this is a violation of established norms of behavior, for the sake of obtaining one's own benefit. Let's define the signs by which you can distinguish arrogant behavior from confident.

The behavior of arrogant people

Ignoring established standards of conduct. An example would be climbing to the checkout window without a queue, borrowing some things without demand from their owner, and the like.

Absence of shame. An arrogant person doesn't care what anyone else thinks of him. He does what is beneficial to him, without regard to the opinions of others.

Tactlessness. Insolent persons almost always have their own opinion on a particular situation, which they are ready to express even against the will of other people.

Own interests at any cost. If they need something, they will do everything to achieve it, while having “nothing sacred”. They may ignore the fact that their actions cause significant harm to other people, even if they are children or the elderly.

I will be bolder - I will become strong

In fact, by resorting to brazen behavior, you can quickly get some benefit, but later it can turn against you. The reputation of an impudent person does not paint anyone - such people cause irritation and a repulsive impression. Insolence has nothing to do with self-confidence, because the second is usually based on self-esteem, which is unnatural for arrogance.

What psychologists say

• Most often, self-doubt can go back to childhood. Perhaps someone instilled this quality in you during your youth or junior school years - teachers, peers, or even relatives. It is important to realize that now you are an adult, and all those situations are in the past.
• It is much worse if there are people in your life who develop certain complexes in you. You need to avoid contact with such individuals in every possible way, and if possible, completely exclude contact with them (unless we are talking about a family member).
• Try to communicate more often with those who inspire you with confidence and faith in yourself. Notice which people in the company of which your mood rises, and initiate contact with them more often.
• Pamper yourself more often and give yourself gifts. Very often, self-doubt begins with appearance, and it is up to you to improve it. Head to the salon for new beauty treatments, massages. Pay attention to your hair, take care of your skin.
• Surround yourself with good quality items. It is better to buy things less often, but more expensive. You should feel confident in your clothes - no worn, untidy, irrelevant size. Things should boost your self-esteem, not make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
• Discover new horizons - take on interesting hobbies, travel to other countries or cities. If you constantly develop in any direction, then your self-esteem will inevitably grow.
• Learn to speak clearly and confidently. Practice in front of a camera or a mirror, watching how you look from the side. The camera is sometimes even more useful, you will not be able to control yourself like in front of a mirror, and you will be able to understand how others see you.
• An insecure person is often betrayed by posture and gait. If you understand that you also have problems with this, but you should work hard on these points. Constantly control your posture until it becomes a habit. Ask someone to film your walk. Study it, and when you see the shortcomings, try to correct it until you bring it to the ideal. Do not forget, while walking, look not at your feet, but straight ahead. Your movements should be calm, smooth and confident.
• Try to start looking like a confident girl, and over time you will become one.

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Self-confidence is a unique personality trait. Regardless of the presence of objective characteristics of a person, faith in oneself helps to achieve the desired results. And vice versa, being the most beautiful and smartest person, not self-confident, can always remain in the shadow of other people.

What is self confidence

Becoming self-confident means highly appreciating your capabilities and abilities in solving problems and performing the necessary functions.

Confidence is a derivative of the word "faith". We can believe in anything and anyone: in God, in power, in truth, in another person. Faith means unconditional acceptance, the absence of fear and discomfort. If we trust a friend, then we are not afraid that he will betray, if we trust our husband, we do not experience the fear of betrayal.

Self-confidence consists of the following points:

• understanding of one's personality, knowledge of weak and strong characteristics;
• the realization that any goal can be achieved if enough adequate efforts are applied to its implementation;
• having self-control when making mistakes;
• independence from other people's opinions, choosing your own decisions as the only right ones for you in a particular situation.

Many women experience complexes about their appearance, spend time and money trying to achieve the ideals offered in society. But they still remain unclaimed by the opposite sex.

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There are opposite examples, when ladies of ordinary appearance, with a non-standard figure, not harmonious facial features are in great demand among men, marry repeatedly and do not allow themselves to be used.

What's the matter? In self-confidence. The exquisite beauty does not really consider herself a worthy woman, so she pumps the gel into her lips and enlarges her breasts. But the lack of faith in yourself - inside, no external improvements will fix the situation. Men intuitively recognize such a girl, she becomes uninteresting to them. The girl is weak, it is difficult to rely on her in difficult times.

Another thing is a lady who knows her own worth. She is calm about extra pounds, because she knows that as soon as they begin to interfere with her, she will quickly correct the situation. She loves her long nose, considering it a highlight.

In a famine year, a self-confident woman will buy a sack of flour, dig up potatoes and make pies. He will feed everyone, and he will also remain for sale. Men feel this inner strength and are drawn to it.

Why we are often insecure

Lack of self-confidence arises for various reasons, but they all have a negative connotation.:

• Fear of the new and the unknown. For example, relationships no longer bring any joy, work has become a burden, but we pull this strap with all our might. We are not sure that, having stopped the annoying connections, we will be able to build new ones.
• Other people's opinion, criticism. Often close people, namely parents, prevent us from becoming more confident. If from childhood a person is instilled with his worthlessness and helplessness, in adulthood he will have to literally break his psyche in order to increase self-esteem.
• Failures and setbacks and that took place in previous periods of life. If a woman is abandoned by her husband, in the future she will begin to experience insecurity when communicating with each subsequent man.
• Dissatisfaction with appearance especially if someone walked on it. Marilyn Monroe experienced self-doubt all her life, trying to drown out low self-esteem with alcohol and promiscuity. The woman, until now a sex symbol, hated her appearance!
• Low preparedness for the situation. Self-confidence can drastically disappear if a person is faced with the need to act in an unexplored area. Lack of experience can weaken the inner core.
• , drug addiction. Under the influence of these ailments, the personality degrades, begins to look worse, and loses memory. A person understands that he has fallen into a severe addiction and cannot cope with it. On the other hand, you can get rid of the disease only by becoming more confident in yourself.

These factors can reduce self-confidence, but not eradicate it. A person is always able to return to the status quo, become more confident and return to pre-crisis levels of self-esteem.

Confidence Test: Determine Your Confidence Level

We bring to your attention a small test to assess the level of self-confidence. You need to answer “yes” or “no”, only honestly, because no one sees you!

• If a friend with whom you are going to a club together criticizes your dress, will you go and change?
• You will be embarrassed to complain to the restaurant administrator about poor service by the waiter.
• Listening to compliments, do you feel embarrassed and deny?
• When applying for a new job, is it easier for you to collect a package of documents than to pass an interview?
• Do you think that you are unworthy of a very beautiful and successful (rich) partner, because you yourself do not stand out in any way?
• You will not be able to refuse a request, even if its execution will cause you inconvenience?
• Are you afraid (can't, don't want to) respond with harshness to harshness?
• If your boss speaks, do you accept all his words as truth?
• Do you hesitate for a long time about choosing a goal and how to achieve it?
• In a dispute, do you try to retreat faster and not bring it to the final?

If you answered “no” to three or more questions, you can talk about a high level of self-confidence. If the majority of the answers (more than five) are “yes”, you should take steps to become more confident.

11 ways to become self-confident

You can become more confident in yourself at any age and at any time in your life.

Self-confidence will increase significantly if you start practicing the following methods:

• Learn to feel personal freedom and your own importance.
• Stop following the judgments of the people around you, have your own point of view on everything.
• Don't be afraid to state your desires and priorities.
• Let's fight off the offenders. They are not a crystal vase, feel free to strike back.
• Don't compare yourself to anyone, you are unique. If you don't like it, let them move to a safe distance.
• Things that you have completed with brilliance will help you become more confident in yourself. Go ahead, create.
• Start a new business, expand your circle of interests. When suddenly you get an oil painting on canvas, you can become more confident in other matters.
• Understand that most people do not care about you, think about how you personally feel comfortable living.
• For girls: go out without makeup, but with a smile and a straight back. Expose your face to the sun or rain. You will see with what lust the men passing by will look at you.
• Remember your successes and victories more often. If it worked once, it will work again.
• Most importantly, do not forget that we have only one life. No need to waste time on doubts and worries. Keep your head up and forward.

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Even if you have made many mistakes in the past, never scold yourself, blame yourself or let others do it. Only we ourselves are responsible for our lives and we decide how to live it.

Confidence is the key to success

There are a lot of examples of how self-confidence not only helped a person to escape from a hole, but also to climb to the top.

Albert Einstein

The boy did not speak until the age of 4. When his mother sent him to school, she received a note from the teacher, in which he characterized little Albert as a mentally retarded child, incapable of learning.

When the boy asked about the note, the mother replied that the teacher praised him and considered him a very talented child. The mother's words and self-confidence helped the genius to become what he became. Tell a woman the truth, sow the seeds of low self-esteem, it is not known how the fate of a great man would have developed.

Stephen King

The young writer could not break through in the literary environment for a long time. He moonlighted as a teacher at school, preparing short articles for magazines in order to have funds for a living.

It is a known fact that his book "Carrie" was returned more than 30 times by editors who refused to publish it. Confidence in the power of his own talent did not allow Stephen to give up. Today, his books have more than 300 million copies in circulation, and his novels are snapped up like hot cakes for Hollywood blockbuster scripts.

Walt Disney

The creator of the world-famous cartoon empire grew up as the sixth child in the family. Walt's parents were very poor, and from childhood the boy worked as a paperboy.

Walt has always been interested in drawing. In his youth, he worked at a film studio as an artist, but he always dreamed of an independent business. The first studio he created quickly went bankrupt, the guy got into huge debts.

A great desire and self-confidence helped him rise and found a film studio that gave us Oswald the rabbit and Mickey Mouse.

Becoming confident is real. You just have to want. First of all, you need to love yourself with all your heart, as you love your child.