Why is a person afraid of responsibility. Learning to make decisions

06.08.2023

In the modern world, there are many opportunities to achieve success in life and no fewer dangers to our health, including psychological ones. Often you have to make difficult decisions and take responsibility for any actions. Fear of not meeting the expectations of others can be a serious obstacle in life. Fear of responsibility initially may not seem so scary. You should not believe this: people who are afraid to take a step forward are subject to a lot of dangers. We need to first understand what these fears really are.

Fear of responsibility can bring serious trouble

Phobia or disease

What is such a phobia? This phobia has a name - hypengiophobia. Literally translated from Greek - fear of responsibility. Simply put, this is an unreasonable, excessive fear.

Interestingly, such a phobia is classified as one of the most common anxiety disorders of the psyche. Based on the modern way of life, you can be sure that more and more people are at risk. In this case, it is not so much the disease itself that is terrible, but its consequences. Subsequently, it can cause a functional effect on the body:

ulcers;
cardiovascular diseases;
strokes, heart attacks;
hypertensive diseases.

All these factors are one of the many reasons for dealing with hypengiophobia.

Root causes of hypengiophobia

Why do we fear responsibility? What are its reasons? As psychologists say, all our fears and phobias come from childhood. The fear of responsibility is no exception. The root cause of such fear may be psychological trauma in childhood or adolescence. The most likely option why a person develops a fear of responsibility is the parents who cared too much about the child in childhood and inspired him with the inability to decide something on his own. In another case, the reason for this could be punishment for wrong actions or mistakes, which entailed a reluctance to make decisions on their own.

Scientists say that 20% of newborns have neurochemical processes that are the basis of hypersensitivity to stress and any innovations.

The reason for this may be hereditary relationships. Thus, the part of the brain that is responsible for fear due to hypersensitivity panics. As a result, we get a ready-made phobia that needs to be fought.

Two out of ten babies are hypersensitive to stress

Manifestation of fear

How does this phobia manifest itself? Everything is very simple. Very often, this can be found in people who occupy high leadership positions. Subsequently, there is a feeling that you manage everything and, in fact, all the responsibility falls on one fragile shoulders. This can't help but scare. Along with the fear of responsibility, third-party fears also arise.

Fear of affected pride.
Fear of inconsistency.
Fear of success.
Fear of restriction of freedom and so on.

All of them are the basis for fear. They cause a person mental discomfort and do not allow to fully exist in society. A hypertrophied sense of responsibility may not manifest itself clearly enough until a certain turning point in life. In a hidden form, it can be detected by a person's low self-esteem, his infantilism or selfishness. Hypengiophobia can also be traced by symptoms such as:

insomnia;
depression;
cardiopalmus;
inability to rationally evaluate their actions.

Phobia can be manifested by a rapid heartbeat

Ways to Avoid Fear

Like any phobia, this fear can also be cured. This will require considerable effort, but the result will be on the face. Modern medicine offers many solutions, but in severe cases, the first person to turn to for help is a psychologist.

But a responsible person will be able to cope on their own. The first step to solving a problem is understanding and wanting to solve it. After that, you need to start small.

Try to take responsibility for a small act.
Then analyze it and decide if the fear is really as great as it seems.
The next step will be a gradual increase in the degree of responsibility.
It is also necessary to try exercises to increase the level of self-esteem. Psychologists advise such a method as meditation. For a meditation session, you can use oils from a variety of herbs to soothe, for example: mint, St. John's wort, chamomile, valerian. You can supplement the treatment method with relaxing music and decoctions of the above herbs.
Applying massages and herbal baths can relieve muscle tension, which will help you relax faster and approach problem solving more constructively.

It should be remembered that this is a rather laborious process that requires systematic action.

If there is a hypengiophobe in your environment

From all of the above, it follows that one should not treat people with a fear of responsibility too harshly. Under no circumstances should a person be blamed. One of the consequences of a phobia is self-doubt. This is the first thing to fight.

The surest way to solve this problem is to sit down and talk calmly. It is necessary to explain to a person what exactly he is doing wrong, and not to hang a stigma on him like “lazy” or “irresponsible”.

Approaching the study of the problem more seriously, we can conclude that it requires a solution. For a fulfilling life, it is necessary to overcome a phobia. Its absence will help you move up the career ladder, improve yourself and diversify your life. In addition, it is an opportunity to be a completely “healthy” person. And health, as we know, is the most valuable thing. Understanding that we ourselves are responsible for our lives is the right path to happiness and spiritual harmony.

For forty years now I have never ceased to wonder at the irony of human behavior. The most difficult case is the reactions that I observe when my clients - adults in leadership positions - realize that they are at the helm alone and are responsible for their own destiny. It is useful to understand that all the cards are in your hands and there is no one to blame in case of failure. This is your game, whether you win or lose. Will it be easier for you if you understand this? I think not much.

The truth is that when a person first takes responsibility, he is afraid of it. The ego, which he has cultivated so carefully and carefully, becomes a target for punishment. That is why we all love to have a scapegoat so much. Why struggle with your shortcomings when you can pretend to be a helpless victim?

Many entrepreneurs, to their credit, take on the role of "last resort". Their passionate self-confidence is what attracted me to study and work with them. They act in the spirit of Henry Ford: "Do not look for the guilty, look for how to correct the mistake."

If taking life into your own hands seems too difficult, there is no need to make excuses. Try cognitive behavioral therapy. In my classes, I use more than two dozen techniques: for each case - my own. Here are some examples.

Forget old habits

The most common therapy was developed by Aaron Beck for people suffering from depression. He noticed that depressive thoughts stem from a pessimistic view of oneself, the world around and the future. This tendency is most often formed in childhood.

Beck came to the following conclusion: if a person accustomed to a negative worldview, then it is possible from it and unlearn. To do this, you need, firstly, to help the client see that he perceives these circumstances too sharply and negatively, and secondly, to teach him new ways to respond to them.

People easily admit that they take everything too personally. It is more difficult to wean from such a reaction. There is one trick: reframe perception. Let's say you think you don't know how to make business contacts. Instead of reflecting on the failures of the past, consider what new opportunities open up for you if you are ready to take action. Naturally, the more "today" is different from the past, the more willing you are to go out and meet people.

self interrogation

Beck also described tendencies towards irrational thinking, such as mind-reading ("I know he won't support my proposal") and personalization ("Fail again - I'm damned!"). To counter these tendencies, I talk to clients about the nature of their delusions and then inspire them to have an internal dialogue—a conversation with themselves that reverses their distorted worldview.

Ask yourself "why?"

Many entrepreneurs are carefully disguised slaves to so-called behavioral imperatives. You need to set off an internal alarm whenever you think or say “I must,” “I should,” or “I can’t.” Behavioral imperatives doom people to dissatisfaction. Don't fall into this trap. Better ask yourself: “To whom do I owe? Why can't I?"

Let's say you want to buy out a stake in a new project. You can put pressure on yourself: "I have to win the support of everyone." But ask yourself why you need this universal support right now. Maybe limited support (say, from the director) is enough for you? Freeing your mind from the pressure of stereotypes, you gain the ability to think constructively, which in turn will allow you to win the remaining majority.

imaginary stress

It's hard not to feel terrified in certain situations. But that doesn't mean you have to give in to that feeling. Instead, try to accustom yourself to stressful situations in your imagination. Imagine an unpleasant event (for example, you need to tell the team bad news about the company) and try to relax. Repeat this procedure with different variations of the scary scene. It's like taking a free throw or putting a ball in the hole: the more you do it, the more automatic your reaction will become.

Full immersion

Another way to deal with your fear is a technique called “flooding”, that is, complete immersion in what terrifies you. You play everything a few steps ahead until your fears disappear.

I recently used this technique with a client who, just before the launch of a new product line, became terrified of interviews. We gave him six press conference appearances over the course of two weeks (although we reduced the number of reporters at each individual meeting). By the end of the fifth conference, he was happy to talk about his new product without any sign of fear.

Conclusion: no matter how scary, full responsibility for your actions is the path to happiness, success and self-satisfaction. As Mr. Ford said, "when you think you can do something and when you think you can't, you're right on both counts."

One of the most powerful fears that prevents many of us from achieving our goals is is the fear of responsibility which manifests itself in the fear of making decisions.

Fearing responsibility, that is, making decisions, we are left with nothing, we deny ourselves all the pleasures of this world, which rightfully belong to us. And all because once in our childhood we heard:

Seven times measure cut once;

Look, don't make the wrong choice. You may make the wrong decision.

And we begin to feel the fear of responsibility. We are convinced that everything should be perfect for us and the first time. But after all, it's no secret to anyone that there can be no limit to perfection :). And you can always do better by blaming what is already wrong and wrong. However, often we do not realize this and even cease to be aware that we learn from mistakes. Our striving, by all means, to conform to the ideal, fetters us hand and foot.

There is another side of the fear of choice, that is, the fear of responsibility.

It is the fear associated with changes in our lives. We are afraid to make risky decisions that, as we think, can lead us to life collapse.

This fear is especially intensified when the inner voice in the head is actively turned on, which strives to describe everything in the most terrible colors and colors:

What will happen to me if I do this...

When the internal "talker" turns on at full volume, fear begins to roll along with it. We are trying to calculate the future, to control external circumstances.

But neither is actually 100% impossible.

What then can be done to cope with their fears of choice?

In order to cope with the fear of making decisions, you need to change your attitude to situations in which you need to make a choice.

What does it mean?

And this means that we can replace the model we are used to:

"Loss - win"

for the new model:

"Win like this - win another."

That is, we begin to treat situations as if we cannot lose in principle :).

But we can get, in a given situation, either one result or another.

Therefore, it will not be difficult for us to replace the installation in our head:

- What to do in order not to screw up,

which forces only to worry and torment oneself with doubts, but not to decide to take action,

for installation:

- I always win!

which gives strength and encourages decisive action.

Because in reality we do not lose anything, but only gain, regardless of what choice we made and what act we committed.

And when we begin to think and consider the surrounding events in this way, any of our actions will lead us to favorable results. It's just that these results will be different, that's all. In other words, we see in the events around us, new opportunities, not problems.

Here is how we can think:

“Now this is interesting! New, promising work! If I agree, I will have new interesting prospects for professional growth, new connections and acquaintances, new professional experience. It doesn't matter if something goes wrong and I have to quit. You can always find more interesting work! (And not just a job) Although it is not so easy to find a good job now, I have no doubt that I will be able to find a suitable one for me. In any case, it will do me good, I will get the experience of successfully passing interviews. After all, this is important - it is easy to establish contact with new people. However, at this place of work, not all the possibilities have been exhausted yet ... ”

Look, no matter what happens, we have nothing to lose, with healthy attitude. And such an attitude to life only adds drive to it :) and trust in yourself and the World.

If you make a mistake, then you will have to answer for the consequences. At least in front of yourself. This is what makes many people afraid of making a decision, fear of taking on at least some serious responsibility. A situation in which the result of the step taken will be negative, to a person, and he gives up. Psychologists believe that such people lack basic trust in the world around them. This is hypengiophobia. As soon as a situation occurs, or even just begins, in which there is a risk of causing a negative impression of oneself, being condemned or criticized, a person tries in every possible way to avoid this. He unconsciously considers himself guilty and a loser in advance, and is afraid that this will not happen in reality. It may happen that too strict upbringing, when parents forbade the child everything and everything, did not allow him to decide for himself and led to such a consequence. A person thinks that he is not worthy to make decisions, that he cannot take the position of a person. This problem is purely social. The reason does not lie in a biological fear for survival, but a person is afraid of being “expelled” from a society that may not approve of something. In addition to public disapproval, a person is afraid to “earn” his own disapproval, because if something goes wrong, then he can reproach himself for the rest of his life. Fear of responsibility can manifest itself in anything: in the unwillingness to be responsible for the family, the child, one's business, finances or subordinates at work. In addition to confusion in the head, the fear of responsibility also causes disruptions in the body, the most common being metabolic problems. A person can become fussy, exponentially active, but can also take a waiting position, behaving inhibited and inactive. Psychologists have noticed that women are more likely to suffer from this problem than men. With age, the fear of responsibility weakens. As a result of research, it turned out that people who are afraid of responsibility often suffer from diseases of the cardiovascular system, atherosclerosis, stomach ulcers, and hypertension. If you understand that you are afraid to make serious decisions, you can try to solve this problem on your own or contact a psychologist. Take on a small task first, such as keeping the kitchen clean, or making sure your child gets homework on time. Gradually add things to yourself, but do not take on other people's worries, otherwise an exorbitant burden of responsibility will put pressure on you. Psychological work on the fear of responsibility takes place in two stages. First you need to change the attitude of a person to himself and his abilities. Then he must learn to behave differently in the world around him.

There is even a name for this fear - hypengiophobia. Imagine that you were confessed in love or offered a promotion. It would seem that these are joyful events. But if the first thought that comes to your mind is to run away, if new responsibilities, moving to a separate apartment, or just trusting relationships with other people instill fear in you, perhaps the diagnosis of hypengiophobe is just right for you.

Why are we afraid of responsibility?

Fear of responsibility is associated with a deeply rooted sense of insecurity in one's own abilities. The problem is not only the fear of specific commitments. Often a person simply does not consider himself capable, having taken on these obligations, to achieve positive results and not fail.

Fear of responsibility grows out of low self-esteem, lack of confidence in one's abilities, doubts in one's abilities. Which, in turn, may arise due to a lack of decision-making experience.

Olga Bezborodova, practicing psychologist, systemic therapist, specialist at the Center for Counseling and Systemic Solutions

Hypengiophobia is also associated with the inability or unwillingness to act in conditions. Our life is unpredictable, but many still try to maintain complete control over what happens to them. Imagine a situation where all this uncertainty falls upon such a person and he suddenly realizes that the only way out is to adapt to changing circumstances.

How to get rid of the fear of responsibility

1. Find the root of your fear

Most people evaluate their fears rather superficially. They notice only the most obvious reasons for them (for example, the same low self-esteem). Instead, take a deep dive and find out what is at the core of each one you suffer from. Understand how your fear formed and what factors are triggers for it.

As is the case with most other fears, the fear of responsibility can be formed as a result of a serious psychological trauma. Perhaps once you decided to take a responsible step and this led to sad consequences. Or, when you were a child, your parents limited your freedom of decision and did everything for you, explaining this by the fact that you are not able to cope on your own.

Here is what Olga Bezborodova says about this: “The reason may be the shortcomings of the upbringing system, the influence of parental prohibitions, which can lead to the formation in an adult of the thought that he is not worthy to make decisions, is not able to take a responsible position, that he will not cope ".

Will understanding the root cause of your fear alone help you deal with it? Hardly. But it is an important and indispensable first step on the road to freedom from it.

2. Recall times when you took responsibility and it ended well.

For example, at work, you agreed to take on additional responsibilities, although you were not confident in your abilities. In the end, you yourself were surprised how well they coped with them.

Ask yourself the following questions.

What made you take responsibility (even though you were scared)?
What circumstances influenced you?
How did you feel when you were able to successfully do what you set out to do?

Recall times when you have been successful in order to figure out how to get in touch with a determined part of yourself. Start deliberately using this part when the need arises. Over time, it will become easier for you to take responsibility.

3. Make a big decision every day

The only way to get out of your comfort zone is to make regular small "outings" out of it. Start small. Your first steps should be simple enough that you won't be overwhelmed by fear, but complex enough that you'll be tempted to avoid making decisions. What it will be - decide for yourself.

Gradually take on more challenging tasks. For example, decide to have an unpleasant conversation in which you have to express your point of view or apologize for yours. A little time will pass, and you will not be so afraid to cope with difficult life situations. You will be confident in your ability to choose the right course of action.

4. Don't take on too much

Don't try to take the whole world on your shoulders.
Paul McCartney

It may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes the fear of responsibility is associated with hyper-responsibility. Sometimes we inflate the smallest obligations that can fall on our shoulders so much that they really seem unbearable. And in doing so, we completely forget the joy these commitments will bring us.

Yes, if you decide to get a cat, you will have to feed him, comb his hair, clean up after him and sometimes walk around scratched. But you don't have to completely rebuild your life to take care of a pet. Very soon you will adapt, and caring for him will take you very little time. But you will get a wonderful furry friend with whom it will be more fun.

Of course, you should not rush to extremes. Realize that there is responsibility, but do not inflate it to universal proportions. And remember about the pros: most often there are more of them.

5. Accept that the problem might be something else.

Sometimes responsibility scares us because it is associated with a certain person. When analyzing your behavior, ask yourself if you are afraid to take on a certain task or if you are repulsed by someone involved in this task.

Very often, when a person is afraid to get married, have children, or move in with their soulmate, the problem does not necessarily lie in the fear of responsibility. Maybe it's your partner. Every time there is any question related to this person, you will back out. In this case, the problem should be looked for in .

Finally

We all sometimes experience the fear of responsibility. This is fine. The main thing is that it does not prevent you from moving forward. Fortunately or unfortunately, all the good things in our lives are connected with taking responsibility. Where there are pleasant benefits, there are obligations (not always unpleasant ones).

Find out the root cause of your fear, remember how you managed to cope with it, and start the war with small battles. Focus on the positives and it will be easier for you to make the right decision.

And if everything suits you already, you can not work on your fear. But then you wouldn't be reading this article, would you?