Dependence on someone else's opinion occurs in people who are unsure of themselves. Perhaps their parents did not pay enough attention to them in childhood: they did not praise them for real successes and achievements, and in most cases they set someone as an example. As a result, the individual has developed low self-esteem and a constant need to "keep the alignment on others."

It is necessary to clearly understand for yourself that all people are different, and have both advantages and disadvantages. There will always be more successful, but also many less talented people. Each person has his own purpose in life: someone has to make great discoveries, and someone just has to work for the common good.

Do not create idols for yourself, but strive to self-realize as a person. Determine your abilities, and based on the possibilities, achieve your own goals.

Don't make excuses

An insecure person is prone to excessive self-criticism. He constantly analyzes his behavior, notes personal shortcomings and ascribes unseemly acts to himself. He moralizes too much around his words, thoughts and activities.

Such a person constantly experiences an unreasonable feeling of guilt. As a result, there is a habit of making excuses for every act. It is as if he deliberately belittles himself in the eyes of those around him, emphasizing how something did not work out for him, but he simply did not know something.

To get rid of guilt, you need to stop making excuses. Get in the habit of only apologizing in extreme cases, when you are really late or let someone down. In other situations, restrain the desire to explain the reasons for your actions.

Pay attention to your own successes

Stop thinking that you are dumber, weaker and worse than anyone else. Start appreciating and respecting your personality. You probably have virtues that you simply do not attach importance to.

Analyze your successes and achievements, but not from the position of a loser, but a winner. Don't think about what you didn't succeed in, but identify the areas in which you really succeeded. Be proud of your accomplishments and strive to become a confident person.

Praise yourself more often and strive for self-development. Expand your horizons and try to develop your point of view on each issue.

Take charge

Dependence on the opinions of others arises as a result of the fear of taking responsibility for the decisions made. A person is afraid of making a mistake and wants to shift the entire burden of responsibility onto other people's shoulders. Thus, in case of failure, he will remain innocent, but after all, even in case of victory, all the laurels will go to someone else, not to him.

Don't be afraid to take risks and take responsibility for your life. Consult only in extreme cases, when the situation is quite serious, and you are really incompetent in this matter. Seek advice only from professionals, and you yourself should look for a way out of everyday problems.

No matter how independent we are, the opinion of others is still important to us. This opinion can greatly affect our lives if we pay a lot of attention to it. Human nature is such that we want to be loved and respected. But is it worth it to constantly look back at everyone? The main thing to remember is not to worry about what others think and fill your head with thoughts about it. No one says that you need to score on everything and do what you want. Listen to the opinions of people important to you, think about it, and only then decide what to do. After all, your family is also not always right. If you still cannot get rid of the oppression of public opinion and censure, then let's develop a mindset that will help get rid of it.

People don't pay as much attention to you as you think.

People around you, for the most part, are passionate about their own affairs and concerns. They have their own life, which excites them much more than yours. If your interests and views intersect in some area, then this does not happen as often as you think. Just think, do you often pay attention to what others are wearing? Are their shirts dirty? Did a girl passing by have a puff on her pantyhose? I bet you either don't think about it at all, or spend no more than a couple of minutes on it. So the people around you do the same.

It shouldn't worry you

What others think of you is their business. It shouldn't concern you in any way. Even if you learn someone's opinion about yourself, it still won't make you a different person or change your life, in most cases. The opinions of others can influence you only when you allow this opinion to become decisive in your life. And this shouldn't happen. You cannot control the opinions of others, so do not pay such attention to them and focus on yourself.

You are unique like no other

Remember this once and for all. Don't fit in with those around you. As soon as you let this house of advice into your head, you stop being yourself. There are many people around you, and you are alone. You won't be nice to everyone. And, in the pursuit of society, you will give birth to Frankenstein, who, at least a little, but everyone likes.

Instead, just be yourself and remember that you are the only one in the whole world. You won't find exactly the same. Cherish your uniqueness. Respect yourself. Then the people around you will start to respect you.

Why do you still listen to them

Will your life change a lot if someone disagrees with you or says that you are saying something wrong? Are you ready to change every time someone says that you are doing everything wrong? I think no. The next time you become very sensitive to the opinions of others, then just think about whether it will be just as important in a week. If a remark in your direction will excite you for no more than an hour, then all this is empty.

You are clearly not a telepath

If you do not have any superpowers and the magic ball does not show you anything, then you hardly know what people are thinking. If you are an ordinary person, then how do you know what is going on in the minds of others? The only problem is that you think that all the thoughts of the people around you are fixated only on you. Selfish and smacks of something unhealthy, don't you think? Do not worry about the opinions of others until you have learned to read their minds.

Be honest with yourself and live in the present

It is up to you how you feel every day. Do you want to experience constant fear and excitement at the thought that society will not approve of your act? Stop thinking about it. Don't worry that someone has reprimanded you in the past or that people will think badly of you. Live in the here and now and don't look around. Breathe deeply and do not forget that only you are responsible for your thoughts and actions. Only in this way can you be happy. Only in this way will you understand that each person has their own opinion and only you can choose whether it will affect you or not.

Surround yourself with people who accept you

It's just wonderful when you have friends who agree with you and support you in any endeavor, even if your relatives are against it. Remember that in order to maintain physical and spiritual health, you must choose to either give up on the advice of others or surround yourself with people who can inspire you to find your own path.

Others also care about public opinion

You are not paranoid and you are not the only one. The people around you also care what they think of them. So the next time someone criticizes you, put yourself in their shoes. Perhaps you have done something that this person has long dreamed of and did not dare to do. And now they just want you back from heaven to earth. Remember this, and then it will become easier for you to endure criticism and understand the motives for the actions of others.

Just be yourself. Be honest with yourself and admit that you are surrounded by people just like you. They also have problems, they also care about criticism, they are also not perfect. There are no perfect people who never make mistakes. It’s just that someone, having stumbled once, stops for life, and someone, having stepped over his mistake, follows his dream. Let public opinion not become a stopper in your development, and you will still show this world where crayfish hibernate.

Are you dependent on the opinions of others?

We are satisfied with life when close and significant people love and wait for us. This dependence can be taken for granted and "do not scratch where it does not itch." And what to do if public opinion haunts? Know yourself and make sure you are worthy of love and respect.

It would seem, what difference does it make to us, who will think about how beautiful we are, what we are wearing, what we said or did? The famous once said: “I don’t care what you think of me, because I don’t think about you at all.” The same opinion is shared by our contemporary American actress Cameron Diaz, who said that she does not care about other people's opinions, and she will live her life the way she wants, and not someone else.

People who are independent of other people's opinions can be envied, but they are in the minority. Most need the approval of others, sometimes even those who are unsympathetic to them. For some, such addiction generally becomes so painful that they need the services of a psychotherapist. In particular, actress Megan Fox, known for her phobias, has mental problems. Although, according to her, she often manages to ignore the streams of lies spread about her by tabloid publications, nevertheless, she once said: “... Believe me, I care what people think about me, ... because I'm not a robot ".

Impressive people with a vulnerable psyche, and especially young ones, are too dependent on the opinions of others. Perhaps it will be easier for them when they learn about the 18-40-60 rule of the American psychologist Daniel Amen, the author of many bestsellers, among which is “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life!”. He assures his patients, suffering from complexes, insecure and overly dependent on the opinions of other people: “At 18, you care about what others think about you, at 40 you don’t give a damn about it, and at 60 you understand that others about you don't think at all."

Where does this dependence on other people's opinions come from, the desire to please and earn words of approval, sometimes even from strangers?

Of course, there is nothing wrong with charming the interlocutor, making a favorable impression on him, no. After all, as they say, "a kind word is pleasant for a cat."

We are talking about something else: about cases when, in an effort to please a person, he says not what he thinks, but what others would like to hear from him; dresses not in the way that is convenient for him, but in the way that friends or parents impose on him. Gradually, without noticing how, these people lose their individuality and stop living their own lives. How many destinies did not take place due to the fact that the opinions of others were put above their own!

Such problems have always existed - as long as humanity has existed. Another Chinese philosopher who lived BC. e., remarked: "Worry about what other people think of you, and you will forever remain their prisoner."

Psychologists say that dependence on someone else's opinion is characteristic primarily of people with low self-esteem. Why people do not value themselves is another question. They may have been bullied by authoritarian or perfectionist parents. Or maybe they lost faith in themselves and their abilities because of the failures that followed one after another. As a result, they begin to consider their opinions and feelings as not worthy of someone else's attention. Worried that they will not be respected, taken seriously, out of love and rejected, they try to be “like everyone else” or be like those who, in their opinion, enjoy authority. Before they do anything, they ask themselves the question: “What will people think?”.

By the way, the well-known work by A. Griboyedov “Woe from Wit”, written back in the 19th century, ends with the words of Famusov, who is not worried about the conflict that occurred in his house, but “What will Princess Marya Alekseevna say?”. In this work, the Famus society with its sanctimonious morality is opposed by Chatsky, a self-sufficient person with his own opinion.

Let's face it: depending on the opinions of others is bad, because people who do not have their own point of view are treated with condescension, they are not considered and respected. And, feeling this, they suffer even more. In fact, they cannot be happy because they are constantly in a state of internal conflict. They are haunted by a sense of dissatisfaction with themselves, and their mental anguish repels people who prefer to communicate with those who are confident in themselves.

True, there is another extreme: one's opinion, desires and feelings are put above all else. Such people live by the principle: "There are two opinions - mine and the wrong one." But that, as they say, is "an entirely different story."

Is it possible to learn not to depend on the opinions of others?

As the secretary Verochka from the film “Office Romance” said, if you wish, “you can also teach a hare to smoke.” But seriously, people underestimate their capabilities: they can do a lot, including

1. Change yourself, that is, learn to be yourself

And for this, first of all, a strong desire is needed. Writer Ray Bradbury said to people, "You can get whatever you want, as long as you really want it."

To change yourself means to change the way you think. The one who changes his thinking will be able to change his life (unless, of course, it suits him). After all, everything that we have in life is the result of our thoughts, decisions, behavior in different situations. When making a choice, it is worth considering what is paramount for us - our own life or the illusions of other people.

Known for his bright individuality, the artist said that he developed the habit of being different from everyone else and behaving differently than other mortals, he developed in his childhood;

2. Control yourself

Having your own opinion does not mean not listening to someone else's. Someone may have more experience or be more competent in some matters. When making a decision, it is important to understand what it is dictated by: your own needs or the desire to keep up with others, the fear of not being a black sheep.

There are many examples when we make a choice, thinking that it is ours, but in fact, friends, parents, colleagues have already decided everything for us. Marriage is forced on a young man, because “it’s necessary” and “it’s time”, because all friends already have children. A 25-year-old girl who studies in the city is asked by her mother to bring at least some young man with her to the village during the holidays, passing her off as her husband, because the mother is ashamed in front of her neighbors that her daughter is not yet married. People buy things they don't need, arrange expensive weddings, just to meet other people's expectations.

When making a choice and making a decision, it is worth asking ourselves how it corresponds to our desires. Otherwise, it is easy to let yourself be led astray from your own life path;

3. Love yourself

Ideal is a relative concept. What serves as an ideal for one may not be of any interest to another. Therefore, no matter how hard we try, there will still be a person who will condemn us. How many people, so many opinions - it is impossible to please everyone. Yes, and I am “not a chervonets to please everyone,” said some literary hero.

So why waste your mental strength on a useless activity? Wouldn't it be better to look at ourselves in order to finally realize how unique we are and worthy of our own love and respect! This is not about selfish narcissism, but about love for your body and your soul as a whole.

A person who does not love his house does not put it in order and does not decorate it. He who does not love himself does not care about his development and becomes uninteresting, therefore he does not have his own opinion and passes off someone else's as his own;

4. Stop thinking

Many of us exaggerate our importance in the lives of those around us. A married colleague had an affair with an employee. Nobody was interested in this fact enough to discuss it for more than a few minutes. But it seemed to the employee that everyone was talking about him. And indeed, with all his appearance, he did not let people forget about it: he blushed, turned pale, stuttered, and eventually quit, unable to withstand, as he believed, behind-the-scenes conversations. In reality, no one was interested in his fate, because each person is primarily concerned with his own problems.

All people are primarily concerned with themselves, and even if someone puts on socks of different colors, a sweater inside out, dyes their hair pink, he will not be able to surprise them or attract their attention to himself. Therefore, you should not depend on the opinions of others, to whom we are often completely indifferent;

5. Learn to ignore someone else's opinion if it is not constructive

Only those who are nothing are not criticized. The American writer Elbert Hubbrad said that if you are afraid of being criticized, then "do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." And we don't want to be nobody. This means that we accept constructive criticism and do not pay attention to the one with which we do not agree, not allowing it to determine our life. The famous, addressing the graduates of Stanford University, admonished them: "Your time is limited, do not waste it living someone else's life."

Other people's successes and popularity often cause envy among people who crave them, but who lack the intelligence, abilities, self-discipline to win them. Such people are called haters, and they live on the Internet. They express their “hateful” opinion in the comments, trying to break and force to “leave” those who, in their opinion, have undeservedly gained fame. And sometimes they succeed.

Those who love to criticize, wrote Oscar Wilde, are those who are not able to create something themselves. Therefore, they are worthy of regret, and they should be treated with a share of irony and humor. As one friend says, their opinion will not affect my bank account in any way.

There is not a single person in the world who would not give a damn about the opinions of others. No matter how much we convince ourselves that we don’t care, it is extremely difficult to avoid someone else’s influence.

And the more people around us, the more opinions, the more time and nerves we spend on them. Would you like to spit on all this, close your eyes and ears and get out of the terrible shackles of this addiction forever?

Saying "don't listen to them" or "don't look at them" is very easy. To do so, of course, is much more difficult.

The boundaries of other people's estimates

Saying "don't listen to them" or "don't look at them" is very easy. To do so, of course, is much more difficult. On the street, at work, in the subway, at home, we are surrounded by a huge number of people. Just imagine: you are walking down the street in a new dress, it is made especially for you, to order, and not a single person in the world will walk in the same one. However, there are those people from the crowd who cast an angry and contemptuous look at you. Different thoughts begin to fly in your head about this at breakneck speed: his look was a manifestation of envy or ... What if this dress does not suit me, what if I look too fat, what if it is not carefully ironed? A self-confident girl will say: “Pure envy, I won’t even be nervous.” And the insecure will worry, because she depends on someone else's opinion.

Here is another example from my personal life. A charming young man looks after you, he gives you beautiful bouquets and expensive chocolate, he wants to please your mother and does not forbid you to meet with friends. Everything would be fine, but only girlfriends, for example, “noticed” that your boyfriend was rude to women, they allegedly “saw how badly he did” with such and such a lady. This information is verified, because it was reported by some unknown friend of your friend Masha from the fifth entrance. She added that your gentleman is not so good-looking. And thoughts are again in your head: “What if he really is a rough chump with an outstanding appearance?” As you can see, someone else's assessment can relate to our appearance, work, study, personal life - all areas in which we are. In addition to strangers to us passers-by, distant girlfriends and best friends, there are also close relatives, whose opinion we also especially listen to. After all, we live among these people, who often determine who we are and what we represent. That is why it is wrong to completely renounce and not be interested in other people's views, you just need to adequately distinguish between simply public opinion and a terrible dependence on it.

6 answers to the question "What to do"

• 1 Realize the equality of people before each other

  The worst thing for people with a similar problem is the negative reaction of others, which can be expressed both in words and in assault. However, often words are much more afraid. Therefore, first you need to clearly decide for yourself that for every negative reaction there is a positive one. The opinion of one person is not more important and not more correct than yours, because all people, despite the fact that they are individual in their views, are equal in their rights.

• 2 Decide on your goals in life

  A person who does not know what he wants from life is constantly confused in a series of other people's opinions. He has not yet set his priorities, so the phrase said by a familiar person is perceived as a kind of call to action. If you are worried about negative opinions about a potential groom, think about what you like and don’t like about him, what character traits you can ignore, and which are especially important. After you decide, think about the words of the interlocutor: is the information that he tells you so important?

• 3 Remember your victories

  Think about what things you have done and what you have achieved in a particular area on your own. We are sure that behind your back is an excellent track record of victories that you have achieved thanks to your efforts and character traits.

• 4 Get into your soul

  This stage is one of the most difficult. Its main tasks are to mentally simulate situations that are unpleasant for you, to remember what has ever happened to you or could happen to you. Next, think about what mistakes you made, as a result of which you began to focus on someone else's opinion. See if there is any benefit for your interlocutor in that you began to think in the same direction. Answer the question for yourself, only honestly and frankly: why are you afraid to resist someone else's opinion? Learn to listen to yourself.

• 5 Overcome the fear
• 6 communicate more

  Remember the phrase: "How many people, so many opinions"? To hear different points of view, communicate more, make new friends, say goodbye to old ones, replenish the phone book with new numbers and be sure to call. Learn to speak and express your opinion.

The realization that you are no longer dependent on what the other person has said does not come immediately. It may take a month, or even a year, before you catch yourself thinking that the opinion of another person is just his thought and point of view, which has the right to exist, you can listen to it, but it is not a guide to action.

"What will others think of me?!"if this thought haunts, accompanying every action? First of all, remember yourself!

Everyone wants to be loved and is afraid of being rejected. This is fine. But sometimes opinion of others becomes so important that it supersedes one's own desires. A person acts contrary to his own interests, changes his decisions, if only those around him approve of his behavior. In this case, we are not talking about the natural need for love and recognition, but about real dependence.

And this is what happens if you put in the first place

Someone's mind

When someone else's opinion comes to the fore and overshadows his own, feelings and emotions seem to be chained. There is a fear to say and do something “wrong”. And without noticing ita person who depends on someone else's opinion, transmits managing your life other people.

This negatively affects many areas of life:

In itself, the desire for recognition and approval is natural. But, turning into dependence, it makes a person unhappy. Each time he needs an increasing "dose" of approval. And in the end, the need will never be fully satisfied.

Dependence on someone else's opinion

The desire for love and approval, the fear of rejection are normal until they turn intodependence on someone else's opinion. How to identify it and why is it harmful?

To get started, answer the following questions honestly:

• Do you change your behavior depending on the situation and environment?
• Do you find it hard to make everyday decisions?
• Do you do things you don't like just to not "stand out"?
• Is it difficult for you to understand what you really want?
• Do you keep your opinions to yourself for fear of being judged by other people?
• Have you already thought abouthow to stop being afraid of other people's opinions?

If you answered yes to most of the questions, then you are dependent on the assessment of others. What does it threaten?

1. Loss of control over self-esteem and confidence. You are happy only when your actions are approved by others. But you can’t influence the assessment of other people in any way. The boss had a fight with his wife in the morning, and then “filled up” your presentation without even looking at it properly. Him unloading, and your self-esteem instantly falls below the plinth.
2. Regular violation of personal boundaries. Dependence on someone else's opinionaccompanied by an inability to say "no". The thought is constantly spinning in my head: “If I refuse, then they will not love me.” Therefore, you agree to additional work, fulfill uncomfortable requests and silently “swallow” grievances.
3. Constant dissatisfaction. Adjusting to the interests of other people, you feel unhappy, depressed and lost your own self. There is no longer any talk of happiness or a sense of freedom. In addition to yourself, you are unhappy with those around you. After all, they “do not love” you, violate your boundaries, and your happiness depends on their assessment.

How not to depend on someone else's opinion

To don't depend on other people's opinions, realize that you are not responsible for it. If others like what you are doing, great. And if not, it's not your fault.

Dependence on someone else's opinion

This realization does not come immediately. You didn't know for a long timeHow not to react to someone else's opinion.Allow yourself to move towards the goal gradually and praise for each achievement. To start the process, start with simple but effective steps:

1. Try something new. Most often, the fear of not getting approval from others coexists with the fear of change. Buy yourself a new jacket that “mum definitely wouldn’t like,” but it suits you very well. Spend the weekend at home with a book instead of the usual trips to a cafe with friends, which you agree to for fear of offending them.
2. Start praising yourself. Write a list of the qualities you like about yourself. Look into it often and show these qualities at any opportunity. Let them be the “weather vane” of your self-esteem, and not the opinions of other people.
3. Accept your fears. The fear of not being liked by someone is completely normal. What really happens if someone thinks badly of you? Nothing! The end of the world will not come. Accept it and allow yourself to experience fear and excitement. But at the same time, do what you want, and not what others will like.

By taking these steps, you will shift your focus to what you personally can control. Self-esteem and self-respect will once again be in your hands!

Dependence on someone else's opinion is one of the signs of energy imbalance inmedium energy centers.

Step by step to balance the energies in all your energy centers, as well as learn how to control and manage your energies, a new transformational practical course will help .

This is a complete, step by step and fully practical course on balancing and strengthening all energy centers. On the course you will learn:

• it is easy to show your individuality and respect your own and others' boundaries
• respect and accept yourself and others, feel confident, control your actions
• easily and clearly express their feelings and thoughts, listen and hear themselves and others
• get rid of external energy influences
• independently create a balance of their energy centers and fully manage their energies