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Financial mistakes leading to divorce! Family finance and psychology

First... Spend less than you earn ( those. your expenses).

Second... Save and / or invest the money that results from following the first rule stayed in your arms.

Anything else that tells you about money is just over-complicating these rules. I must say right away that buying a TV, a car and gold jewelry is not an investment. It often takes a long time to explain these commonplace truths to some people.

Therefore, let's look at simple steps that will help you improve your financial situation and become a wealthy person over time.

1. Arrange your desires on the shelves.

I want to go on vacation. The child needs braces. I want a large plasma TV. You have to pay for the apartment. I want a new car ( cooler than the neighbor). I want to eat ( 3-5 times a day).

Do you understand the meaning?

Pay attention to what you are spending your money on. Ask yourself - is this what you need, or is this what you just want?

Only by putting all this on the shelves, you can save yourself from buying everything in a row, those. spending all the money you have now - how then will you invest?

2. Reduce your monthly expenses

Have you received an Internet bill? For the phone? Other accounts? Put your bills in a pile and start calling all of these companies. Ask them how you can lower your monthly payment or get a discount. Take every chance you can to keep these costs down.

clue : if you have been using this or that service for a long time, they will always meet you halfway. If not, then feel free to change such an intractable service provider. Now is the time buyer, not the seller!

3. Reduce interest payments

If you have a loan, especially if it is a credit card debt ( or microcredit - such as quick credit), then you ( by definition) pay too high interest.

It doesn't matter what the interest rate is today - it can always be reduced, and by much!

What you should do:

Contact your bank and ask to lower the rate on the loan you have taken. If you are suddenly refused, you can mention their closest competitor, who is ready to offer you much better conditions.

If that doesn't work, just find another the bank that will offer you better conditions. There are dozens of them, if not hundreds.

4. Save and Save $ 1000
If you do not have a supply of money, then any unexpected waste ( a toothache, an accident happened, the tap leaked, the children should be sent to the camp, slipped ...) becomes an emergency for your household budget.

How to "spread the straw" correctly?

But if you are ready for this, then the problem can be solved without much effort. Do whatever is necessary - set aside and save ( better on bank deposit) money to create your own " financial pillow". And in no case touch them! Only in exceptional situations!

5. Use the money collected as a result of completing 1-4 points for early repayment of existing loans

This will give you a very strong sense of pride in yourself. And, in turn, it will lower your monthly expenses.

6. Record all your income / expenses

This will allow you to visually see your financial success - in the form of the exact amount of money returned to the family budget.

7. Start earning money on the side

In your free time from work, start making money selling your knowledge and experience. Become a freelancer - it's trendy now! And very simple, thanks to the widespread penetration of the Internet.

Think for a minute: which of this list will you do first? What are you doing already?

I decided to write another article on a relevant topic. Recently, I have seen a lot of discussions on social networks about this, in some of them I could not even resist and took part, and as a result, I see that the majority of people do not know anything at all and do not understand how the family budget should be formed and spent ...

The result of many families is sad: constant quarrels over money, which as a result lead either to divorce, or to constant dissatisfaction with family life, or rather, its everyday component.

The question is very serious, and I strongly advise you to take a closer look and listen to it, even if it has not touched you specifically yet. So I studied the statistics of divorces (which in Russia and Ukraine are already more than half of the number of registered marriages), and I saw that one of the main reasons divorced spouses indicate material dissatisfaction with each other (the husband earns little, the wife spends a lot, or vice versa). And some other reasons are also 100% or close to that connected with the money problem, only it is not mentioned explicitly (for example, there is no home, it is impossible to live with parents, different social status of spouses, the struggle for dominance in the family, etc.) ... From this we can conclude that family and money are very closely related: about half of the divorces, or even more, fully or partially occur precisely because of money.

But even if it never comes to divorce, spouses who are not satisfied with finances and their relationship to each other are doomed to a long and unhappy life. The well-known expression “romance crashed against everyday life”, it seems to me, is largely about this. And I think that this is not at all what the people who started the family were striving for, even if they are trying with all their might to preserve it.

I have already touched upon the topic of "family and money" more than once in other articles, I will give links to some of them, I also recommend that you familiarize yourself with:

In this article, I want to show you the main problem, which, in my opinion, leads to financial disagreements in the family, and, of course, to offer an effective solution to it. This is my vision of the situation, confirmed, among other things, by personal experience and observations, and to agree with it or not is already your full right.

There is a so-called “method of simplification”, according to which, in order to understand the essence of a problem well, you need to simplify its formulation as much as possible, systematize everything, generalize and express as short and simple as possible. So, if you apply this method to our theme of “family and money,” you get this.

Any financial disagreements in the family boil down to the following: one of the spouses is dissatisfied with the financial actions of the other.

For instance:

  • You don't earn much;
  • You spend a lot;
  • You spend money on that instead;
  • You spend, and I want to accumulate;
  • You accumulate, and I want to spend;
  • You take loans, but I don’t want to take them, etc.

Why do these disagreements arise? Because in a family, both family members want their opinion to be taken into account when forming and spending the family budget. And there are only two family members, adults, who make decisions, which means, conditionally, each of them has 50% of the votes in resolving issues. And quite often a situation arises when, on some financial issue, the result of a family vote looks like this: 50% - “for”, 50% - “against”. Here's how to make a decision here?

Probably, someone thought: "Well, this is a family, so someone must definitely give in." But this statement, in my opinion, is very controversial, now I will explain why. The fact is that mainly only one of the spouses will yield, whose character will be more compliant. But all these “concessions” will gradually accumulate and be pumped up inside him, bringing psychological discomfort, and at some point they may “shoot” much stronger: “What is this! Why should I always give in ?! ”. As a result - a scandal, moreover, more severe than when considering one current issue, accumulated for months.

How can I solve this problem differently? It's simple: you need to exclude decision-making by two family members: one person should make decisions, and ideally, the person who earned it should manage the family's money. That is, you need to lead.

In this article, I looked at how the general, split and mixed budget differ. I will repeat briefly that they differ in the distribution of the roles of earner and manager of funds in the family. The split budget assumes that each spouse has full control over the money he earned at his own discretion. Therefore, disagreements in making financial decisions are completely ruled out: there is one person who has 100% of the votes.

A separate type of family budget in post-Soviet countries is used by a minority of families, which is shown even by the results of voting in a poll on this site (at the moment they are: separate budget - 18% of votes, mixed - 38%, joint - 44%). And most families have disagreements in financial matters, I believe that this is the same majority that is led or even mixed. Those types of budget, where votes are split 50/50, and it is difficult to come to a common decision. Coincidence?

Opponents of a split budget (these are, as a rule, women) often argue their position something like this: “What if my husband, who earns, will not give me money? Or even not for me, but for example, for a child? Or what to do when I am on maternity leave and do not earn anything? Etc."

What can you answer to this? A separate budget does not mean that each family member spends the earned money only for himself, without allocating anything for the family and children. In principle, when starting a family, each person should already understand that it will require expenses that will have to be paid. But he himself decides how much, when and how he will finance these expenses, and this is a fundamental difference. If the second spouse is somehow not satisfied with this, then he always has the opportunity to finance family and children's expenses on his own, from his own earnings, as he sees fit. If he does not have earnings, or they are not enough, then it is somehow wrong to make claims about this to the second spouse.

To make this situation clearer, let's again, as I like to do it, draw the analogy of family and enterprise. After all, a family is a small business entity that has its own income, expenses, and should have its own profit (income minus expenses). From this profit, the family makes its wealth by acquiring the necessary property, and creates new sources of income by investing money to make a profit.

That is, in financial terms, the two spouses are business partners who have created their own small enterprise, investing or not investing in it some initial own assets. Further, they both need to ensure the profitable operation of this enterprise, and the constant increase in its assets.

Can you imagine an enterprise in which one of the partners makes money and the other manages them? Perhaps there are such cases, but they are isolated. In general, the management of the finances of enterprises is in proportion to the share of investments in the common business by each of the partners. Take shareholders in a joint-stock company: they have as many votes in decision-making as they have shares, and no more. It does not happen that a shareholder has, for example, only 5% or 10% of the shares, and at the same time disposes of all the capital and property of the enterprise at his own discretion - he has only, respectively, 5% or 10% of the votes at the general meeting of shareholders.

So, in order for your family "enterprise" to work profitably and without interruptions, it is advisable to transfer this scheme to it - it will be fair and financially competent.

If the spouses manage the money in the family in proportion to their contribution to the family budget, this will be fair and will exclude possible disputes over monetary issues.

My position certainly runs counter to the stereotypes and beliefs of many that “everything should be in common” in a family, and so should money. If this approach works specifically in your case, both spouses are happy with it, the family's financial situation is improving, and there are no quarrels over monetary issues - great, I'm just glad. But if disagreements are present, which often gives rise to problems and quarrels, it means that something is wrong, it means that this approach is ineffective, and you need to change it. How to change - I suggested, and the decision, and the responsibility for this decision, in any case, is yours.

How do you think family and money should be related? I would be glad to hear your opinions and comments in the comments.

I wish you success and financial prosperity! Stay tuned and learn to manage your family budget and personal finances wisely. Until next time!

One of you is extremely careful about money, and the other instantly spends everything he earned? Our tips will help you restore understanding to your family.

Practicing psychologists admit that they are increasingly faced with a whole series of similar cases. In the past few years, they have been approached for help by couples who from the outside might seem just perfect. These families are well off, they have wonderful children and wonderful opportunities, and they could be quite happy together, if not for one "but": spouses constantly quarrel over money in the family.

Discussing almost any question about money causes them a storm of emotions and a lot of disagreements.

How much can you spend on vacation?

Do I need to save for the education of children now?

Should I take out a loan to buy a new car or wait until the repairs in the apartment are completed?

How much to give children for pocket money?

Money in the family - solid disagreements?

The spouses, who in all other respects get along well with each other, pathologically cannot agree on the issues of "money in the family." Why is this happening?

First of all, because each of us has his own ideas about how and on what to spend money. But until recently, it was not customary in our country to openly discuss monetary issues.

This was considered not quite decent even within the family, and we are not used to talking about money clearly, calmly and to the point. And if we do not talk about this even with the closest people, then it may turn out that the financial preferences of the spouse or spouse are found out only after the wedding, and it turns out to be difficult to agree.

Should I tell each other the honest truth about their income and expenses? Or is it better to keep something with you?

Let's talk about how to discuss money issues in the family ...

Money in the family: problem number 1

You quite often withhold information from each other about the true volume of your expenses.

Solution

Of course, this is not about reporting to each other for each juice packet. But by and large, the more honest you and your husband are in matters of money in the family, the easier it will be for you to help each other if something goes wrong.

It is one thing if you have halved the price of the shoes you bought, and another thing if you, without even informing your husband, make a large purchase on credit.

And when it turns out that you cannot cope with payments alone, then you find yourself in a very unpleasant situation when you have to admit everything and ask for help.

If you find yourself in such a position, first of all, find out exactly how much you still have to pay, what is your interest rate, whether there is a penalty for early repayment of the loan.

Of course, your husband will be angry, and upset, and hurt that you secretly allowed him to be drawn into such an adventure. But it is much easier for a man to tackle a problem when he has specific information and you need to provide it. And, of course, the main advice for the future: the fewer financial secrets you have, the less likely your relationship with your spouse will be ruined when the secret becomes clear.

Money in the family: problem number 2

The husband earns much more than you and therefore believes that he can decide everything himself, without your participation.

Solution

At first glance, it may seem that financial disagreements are at the heart of this problem, but in reality this question of money in the family is much broader.

In families where the husband earns much more than his wife, his sphere of influence is usually not limited to money issues: he seeks to independently make decisions that affect other areas of life.

As a result, you find yourself in a subordinate position, this is the most frustrating for you, and this is what you need to work on. “When talking with your husband,” the psychologist advises, “proceed from the assumption that you are a family, you are partners, and therefore must make decisions together. If the husband decides everything on his own, he, in essence, acts like a loner, and you are a couple. "

Money in the family: problem number 3

Your husband earns a lot more than you, but at the same time you divide your daily expenses exactly in half.

Solution

Ideally, you should discuss such issues even before you start a joint household. But, if this did not happen, and the split of costs 50/50 seems unfair to you, the question needs to be brought up for discussion.

If spouses have a separate Western budget, it would be fair to divide up daily expenses in proportion to their salaries.

It may very well be that a man is not fully aware of the fact that you spend almost all your money on your family. And for him, this amount is not too burdensome. In order not to be unfounded, show him the checks and bills. As we have already said, men are much more successful in operating with accurate numbers and facts.

Money in the family: problem number 4

When you began to live together, your husband had temporary financial difficulties, but several years have passed since then, and the difficulties do not end, and you have to provide for your family.

Solution

This issue requires immediate discussion and solution. If you are silent, the man thinks that everything is in order. And he will hardly change anything if for several years he has been able to live comfortably at the expense of the money you earned.

Most likely, you will have to clarify the essence of the problem and take its solution into your own hands..

Here the whole point is that prevents a man from providing for his family. For example, if he has debts related to payments on loans for a car, it is worth considering selling it, repaying the loan ahead of schedule and looking for a more economical model.

If the problem is that he cannot find a suitable job, work together to find an employment agency and help with writing a resume.

The most important thing is to make it clear that you are not going to make money for two, but at the same time we are ready to provide all possible assistance in solving the problem.

Money in the family: problem number 5

You want you to have a common family budget, but your husband insists that everyone should be for themselves, "as in civilized countries."

Solution

Yes, “in civilized countries” spouses quite often prefer to keep a separate budget, especially if they have children from previous marriages. But what is accepted in other countries does not always work for us. Therefore, a man who wants to have his own money outside the family often causes a lot of anxiety in his wife. Does he not trust me? Or does he not want to stay with me for a long time? Or is our relationship not so important to him?

Typically, such a monetary issue is actually a matter of trust. And in order to understand why the situation is developing this way, you need to know about your husband's past.

Perhaps the first marriage ended in divorce and the scandalous division of property and your husband still remembers it with a shudder? Or is there something in your relationship with him that interferes with mutual trust? In any case, if you are not satisfied with the split budget, this issue should be discussed.

Are there any conditions under which a spouse would change his point of view? Maybe he will agree to compromise first? For example, have a joint account for everyday and child-related expenses and separate accounts for everything else? Think about the advantages of having a separate budget: if each of you has your own money, you do not need to account to your husband for when and what you spent.

Money in the family: problem number 6

Your husband wants to invest his family savings in high-risk mutual funds.

Solution

You may want to consult a financial analyst to assess your risk level soberly. It may very well be that a deposit that seems extremely risky to you is in fact almost as reliable as a bank deposit. But maybe not, and then it’s better to know about it for sure.

Men take financial risks much easier. Women are much more careful in this regard - they would rather agree to keep money at home than be tempted by high interest rates from gambling.

If the financial analyst has not allayed your concerns, then consider taking divide your savings in two. Keeping one part in a safe bank will give you the feeling of security you need. The second part can be invested in mutual funds, as your husband wants, but at the same time you need to be very responsible in choosing a fund, carefully check the history of its work and only after that make a contribution.

Money in the family: problem number 7

You have completely different ideas about how and what you need to spend money on.

Solution

In this case, the separate management of "family money" can be an excellent way out of the situation.: this way you will stop arguing over trifles and spoil each other's mood. But in terms of long-term planning, you still have to negotiate, without which it is quite difficult to live together under one roof.

For example, if one of you is easy to spend money, but the other, on the contrary, is very frugal, try to draw up a spending plan.

Think about when you can afford a vacation at sea or buying a car, calculate how much you can spend on it. Thus, it will be easier for a thrifty spouse to part with money if it is a planned and thoughtful expense. And the one who loves to spend will get what he wants.

Money in the family: problem number 8

You left your job to look after your child, but realized that you don't like being dependent on your husband for everything.

Solution

The birth of the first child always promises a lot of surprises, and not all of them can be called pleasant. It was hardly possible to assume that you would be so upset by the lack of work and, as a result, your own money.

It is for this reason that many women feel particularly vulnerable.

First of all, you need to understand what exactly bothers you. That you need to ask your husband for money for every little thing? Or do you think that he underestimates your work?

Be that as it may, the best solution in this situation is a fixed amount, which you receive once a month and can spend at your own discretion. Treat it like a business agreement. After all, if you weren't at home with your child, you would have to find a nanny and pay her salary.

And if you are so worried about this issue, and your husband does not understand your monetary hints, find yourself a job. Which I did as soon as the baby was 6 months old. And now I earn more than him, but that's another problem ...

The correct attitude to money must be instilled in children from an early age, carefully measuring what in the financial sphere can and cannot be talked about with them ...

CHILDREN AND FAMILY FINANCIAL SITUATION

Sarah Lorge Butler

On that day off, when we invited a nanny for a few hours to sit with our six-year-old daughter, our dryer broke down.

Hearing that I was going to buy a new one, my daughter said:

Mom, I think we are spending too much money!

In her mind, replacing the dryer and paying for the nanny hired for her is "too much." But where did she get such thoughts? One of two things: either she is very smart and tried to seize the opportunity to persuade us to change plans, or - she is really worried about our financial situation. Is a child of this age able to appreciate such situations? Perhaps my husband and I behaved incorrectly with her and talked in front of our daughter about what she did not need to know about?

I decided to consult a good specialist and called clinical psychologist Dr. Brad Klontz, who wrote an entire book on this topic. He set aside time for a consultation, during which he explained to me in detail what can and cannot be told to children when it comes to money.

It is impossible in front of a child, - he said, - to utter a phrase, which is difficult for his perception: “I just can’t imagine how to pay the bills this month!”. Children cannot help us with this. But they perfectly capture the disturbing notes in the parent's voice. And they react to this, as a rule, experiencing unaccountable fear and anxiety. In general, one should try not to overload the consciousness of children with financial information, without discussing in their presence circumstances that they cannot somehow influence ...

The conversation turned out to be long. I will try to retell its essence here.

Saying “do not overload the consciousness of children,” Dr. Klontz, of course, meant the caution, prudence of parents in choosing topics of communication with each other with children. But in no case - not excluding them from the family "context".

Since the child's psyche is a sensitive “mechanism” that senses the slightest fluctuations in the home atmosphere, it is also impossible to hide all family difficulties from him. Silence will give the same result - nervousness will appear in the child's behavior. A rich child's imagination can paint him such pictures supposedly developing in the house, events hidden from his gaze, that it would never even occur to an adult.

Therefore, it is very important literally from the "cradle" to establish good, trusting relationships with children. If there is trust between you and your child, then if the family is overtaken by adversity, you can explain the situation to him at a level accessible to his age. Calmly tell him that dad, for example, has lost his job and is trying to find a new one. And be sure to emphasize: “We, of course, can handle it. But we all have to endure for some time and not buy, for example, new toys. We'll have to give up the hired cleaning lady. Here I am counting on your help ... ".

Such a frank, friendly conversation will not scare children and will bring the family together.

How to behave if a son or daughter asks the father or mother about the amount of their earnings?

Personally, I would never answer this question. Of course, I would not say: "This does not concern you." But I would try to slip away from the topic as delicately as possible.

But Dr. Klontz has a different opinion.

Sometimes adolescent patients ask me, a stranger, in essence, a person about my income, - he says. - And I do not hesitate to report how much I earn. There is nothing to be ashamed of ...

We all know that it is not customary in society to share information about who has what income. And children, as you yourself understand, can, without attaching importance to this, transfer the information received from their parents to their friends, those to their parents.

Well, in this case you have to choose between two evils - the lesser. If you do not talk with children about family income, Klontz believes, they may get the impression that having a lot of money or, conversely, little is embarrassing. If such thoughts become entrenched in the child's mind, it is unlikely to benefit him in the future, when the time comes to decide how he will make a living.

The doctor is sure that the question about the salary addressed to the parents must be answered. Another thing is that you can tell the child that this is a family secret and ask him not to tell anyone about it.

Many parents, who are not at home much because they have to work late, reproach their children that they are rarely taken somewhere that they lack parental attention, answer something like this: “I work to pay for your studies (kindergarten), so that you can attend a circle, engage in the sports section ... ". Without realizing that in this way they place the burden of responsibility on the child.

In no case should you do this. I must say: “Work is very important to me. And as soon as I have free time, we will definitely spend it together. Until then, think about where we will go and what we will do. ”

Many disputes with children arise often before the holiday of Purim, when a child needs a carnival costume. “Why do you need this particular outfit! - Mom is indignant. - No, for us it is too expensive ... ".

Dr. Klontz advises solving such a problem in a more peaceful way, which does not make the child suffer and make unflattering assumptions for you.

It must be firmly informed, in terms of facts, that you have allocated such and such an amount from the budget for costumes for the holiday. And offer the children a choice: either they will find something cheaper, or with your help, of course, they will make a carnival outfit with their own hands. It is even better if the parents themselves, long before the holiday, become the initiators of such a conversation and discuss the necessary details with the children.

Children, - says Dr. Klontz at the end of our conversation, - very early on begin to understand that the ability to buy something is connected with money. And if you do not discuss money problems in the family with them, they, receiving fragmentary information from the outside (from friends, neighbors, etc.) and observing how parents behave in order to earn and spend money "wisely", draw their own conclusions. As a rule, they are incorrect. After all, their analytical skills are very limited. If parents do not correct their idea of ​​money in time, with age they will only be confirmed in their erroneous opinion ...

If a child grew up, for example, in a low-income family, he, according to Brad Klontz, may have a strong opinion that money, no matter how much you earn, is always not enough. When these children become adults, their entrenched misconceptions about money are transformed into well-known behavioral stereotypes. Either they are “workaholics” who save money and are afraid to spend it, or they are spenders (“why keep an account of money if there’s not enough money anyway?”).

Regardless of the size of the family budget, it is important to instill in children the right attitude to money from an early age. And the most important thing in this process is to accustom them to the idea that expenses should be planned and that such planning is based on the commensuration of life values.

Let's say a child asks his parents to buy him an expensive toy. Even if the family's income allows you to do this without the slightest damage, do not rush to satisfy every requirement. From time to time it is necessary to demonstrate that he cannot get everything he wants. However, when refusing, be sure to explain why now his desire is impracticable. If you, for example, are planning to travel with the whole family during your vacation, this is a great reason to refuse a toy. Tell your son (or daughter) about your plans and emphasize that you need money to travel. Therefore, now you acquire only the essentials. So that later all family members will be given the opportunity to have a good rest.

The money issue is one of the most conflict zones in the relationship between husband and wife. If only because it puts the family on a certain social level. However, paradoxical as it may seem, the amount of money in this matter does not play the main role. The reverse side of the financial issue is considered by psychologist Evgenia Zotkina.

- When should young spouses start discussing a financial issue in order to prevent conflicts on this basis?

- Financial issues need to be discussed before marriage - where the family will live, where to get funds to support the family, who will be responsible for this. Different families exist according to different principles of financing: both spouses may work or only one, in some families both spouses may not work, but receive income, say, from rent. And not always the views of one party about financial issues may coincide with the opinion of the future spouse or spouse. Here it is important to learn how to negotiate, to discuss before marriage exactly the attitude to money: whether you need to constantly save up for something, postpone, whether you need to have a stable salary, or you can afford to work as a freelancer ...

Money is a kind of equivalent of opportunities, it allows a person to realize their desires. One family has very little money to live on, while in another family there are conflicts over money with seemingly complete well-being. And very often this happens because in the premarital period the financial issue was left "outside the brackets." Before marriage, many women only pretend that they are satisfied with the standard of living that their future spouse can offer them: for example, it is important for them to get married at all costs, or they are afraid of conflict, so they bypass the “slippery” issue. But when a woman gets married, it suddenly becomes clear that her husband's income does not meet her expectations, and the relationship itself turned out to be far from her fantasies. And then interpersonal discontent comes to the fore, it immediately becomes clear how the spouses really relate to each other.

- How to build relationships correctly so that the one who earns money does not become a dictator in the family?

- Diktat in the family does not arise from scratch, usually one of the spouses allows themselves to be treated this way. If for one of the spouses such a relationship model was unacceptable, the relationship simply would not work out. Often a woman who is financially dependent on a man quietly hates him for her addiction. At the same time, she does nothing to become less dependent, finds herself a bunch of excuses. In such situations, it is not even the question of money that comes up, but the question of realizing her own psychological goals - such a woman would rather prefer to obey, suffer and humiliate herself than to be independent. If a woman treats herself with respect, she will be able to build relationships with her husband so that he will see: in fact, an equal exchange of services is taking place in their family - the husband brings money to the family, and she provides comfort in the house, prepares food and brings up his children.

- Are there any basic principles by which the family budget is formed?

- If the spouses want to live harmoniously, it is important that each partner has his own material space, his own pile of money, which he could dispose of as he wants, without reporting to the other. Each person has a range of their own needs, and these needs may differ from the needs of another person. It is great if the family has envelopes in which the spouses put some money aside for living, at home, for the education of the child, and there is also a separate envelope for minor expenses. As Oscar Wilde said: "I can do without the necessary, but I can not live without the unnecessary!"

For many couples, it is more important to have a momentary pleasure - to go to a restaurant and spend money on a delicious dinner, than to save for a large purchase, limiting yourself in everything. Usually, such a way of life is characteristic of those people who have lived in abundance since childhood. The main thing is that the spouses have the same view of spending money, then conflicts on this issue will be minimized. When a person can afford to buy what he wants, even if it is some trifle, at this moment he feels rich, it gives him childish joy, which is very important. And when a person saves, for example, for a country house, during this period he feels poor, because he cannot afford these little joys.

- Is it worth making a stock "for a rainy day"? What is the best way to calculate this stock?

- It all depends on how well the spouses have developed or not developed a sense of security. If a person has confidence in his future, he does not have to make savings. He, of course, does not know what will happen tomorrow, but he is internally sure that everything will work out somehow - he lives for today and feels great. For another person, such a position is unacceptable, he cannot sleep well if he does not have any savings. Again, in a couple, it is very important that the views of the spouses are similar. Of course, if the husband lives for today, and the wife considers it unacceptable to live without savings, this will affect their relationship. Therefore, it is very important to discuss these issues before marriage.

There are two categories of rich people - rich people with temporary financial difficulties and "poor" people with money, who could make their life easier, but from childhood they are accustomed to save every penny. Usually they come from poor families, such people find it very difficult to part with money. It turns out that for such a category of people money is a certain symbol of power, but at the same time they cannot use it. They live like poor people, although in reality they have money. And there are people who do not have much money, but they live as if there are a lot of them - such people have an inner sense of wealth. They are happy that with the help of money they can realize their dream, and are ready to easily part with them, for example, for the sake of some kind of holiday. People who don’t save anything, who are easy on money, as a rule, always have some options, opportunities to live comfortably. And those who are wary of life are waiting for a catch all the time, saving up for some unforeseen event, as a rule, and all sorts of financial troubles await.

- What is the difference between an easy attitude to money and a frivolous one?

- The degree of criticality. A frivolous person spends money thoughtlessly, without limiting his spending, he loses a sense of reality, and then, when his family has nothing to eat, he says “how can this be?” A person who treats money easily does not get hung up on it - he can afford to spend a certain amount of money, but he knows how to replenish this resource. He has an adequate perception of reality.

- If the financial situation in the family has changed dramatically - incomes have fallen sharply or increased sharply - how can one reorganize to a new way of life with the greatest psychological comfort? Stress for the family - when there is money and suddenly there is no money, and the family experiences exactly the same stress when there was no money - and suddenly they appeared in large quantities.

- There are no universal laws here. The ability to analyze the situation is very important. Negative emotions have one big plus - they trigger search activity, a person begins to think about how to change the situation. In crisis situations, you always need to tune yourself to the positive. If there is no work, it’s not a problem, it’s just a temporary difficulty that can be dealt with. In such a situation, family members do not need to "hang dogs" on top of each other, blame themselves for the financial crisis that happened to the family - it is important to show patience and support.

Ironically, sudden poverty is not the worst situation. In the second case, coping with changes is much more difficult - people are used to saving, living modestly, and suddenly wealth falls on them. When people get rich dramatically, mentally they try to return to their old way of life, they try to become poor again. Few can easily enter a new rich life and start living with this wealth like a fish in water. Most often, a person feels lost, embittered with himself and others, loses old friends and does not make new ones. It is psychologically easier for a wealthy person to be without money than for a poor person to become rich.

- Is it possible to develop in yourself such an attitude to money - not frivolous, but easy?

- When money is not enough, it seems that life will become more joyful and happier if there are more of them. But this is an illusion. Human nature is such that he always wants more than he has. The image of a person who is in the endless realization of his desires was very accurately described by A.S. Pushkin in the fairy tale "About the Fisherman and the Fish". Let us recall the old woman, for whom at first one trough was enough, and then the columnar nobility was not enough. In order not to get hooked on your desires, it is important to build value priorities that are not related to acquisitions. In fact, a person does not need so much in life.