The husband constantly scolds and humiliates me, or the victim of verbal sadism. Why is he criticizing me? Features of "evaluative relations
What is dangerous criticism of a man?
Have you noticed such a strange thing - when you criticize another person, your shortcomings become invisible? When I tell my friend that he is lazy, at that moment I do not see my own laziness.
Why do you always see other people's flaws, but you never notice your own?
One of my acquaintances at each of our meetings began to tell me that I had recovered. I did not notice that my figure and my weight somehow changed. I asked other people, and they also did not notice that I gained weight. A little later, I realized that she was very worried because of her fullness. She began to gain weight and worry about this topic. But, since you don’t want to realize this, it’s better to start noticing how other people are gaining weight. She chose me as an accessible object for criticism.
When people criticize me, I feel terrible. I begin to be torn apart by a sense of my own inferiority, and I think that I am bad. With sadness and despair, I realize that I am not loved for who I am.
During criticism, I want to defend myself. But the biggest desire that is born inside me is to get rid of the person who criticizes me. I understand that as soon as I fully believe what they say about me, believe in this terrible criticism, I, as a person, will begin to collapse.
You probably know such women who like to criticize their man? Perhaps you also like to criticize your man, of course, if you have one.
There are such unique women who criticize all men in a row. For any man, they have a portion of excellent criticism. Often such women are lonely. And the longer their loneliness, the stronger the criticism of men.
Why do you think women who love to criticize their men are either lonely or unhappy?
Men are not stupid. Therefore, they in every possible way avoid those women who criticize them. Living with such a woman is dangerous. With her criticism, she will trample any masculine qualities and dignity into the ground. And those men who live with such women evoke a feeling of pity.
Criticism of a man is just a woman's reaction to the actions or inactions of a man. And in doing so, notice that if there is criticism, there is no respect. And every person requires at least a minimum of respect.
Have you ever thought about the fact that criticism is an inconspicuous path leading to disagreement. Criticism ends where loneliness begins.
Criticism is the most universal way to forget about your imperfection and your personal failure. There are no holy people, but criticism helps to feel one's righteousness and holiness, to consider the vices and sins of other people with pleasure.
We are all human and we all criticize each other. Some more and some less.
Look at how you criticize men. Can you think about your shortcomings at this moment?
If you stop criticizing your man, then you have to think about your own life, about what it is, this life. Most women are afraid to think about their lives.
Realizing reality is always difficult, because you dreamed of living differently than you actually live.
Telling people about criticism, I often remember one story from my life. Now I will share this story with you.
A few years ago I came to the driving school for the second time. I wanted to realize my childhood dream - to learn how to drive a passenger bus. This required a short course of study.
For practical training, the driving school provided an old bus from the sixties of the last century. I have seen such buses only in old films. The instructor who taught us was a man in his seventies. He mounted perfectly with his bus.
And then one day, during a practical lesson, our bus drove up to the building of a driving school to pick up one boss and take him to the dacha.
You know these habits, worked out since the times of the USSR, to drive company cars on business.
I got behind the wheel, the instructor sat next to me, and the head of the driving school sat on the first row of seats.
By the way, the chief was also not young. He harmoniously fit into the retro team. Against their background, I looked like a person from the future.
Slowly and carefully, I drove the bus, and these older men began their conversation.
A fragment of this conversation interests us.
Our instructor says to his boss:
Here you are - well done. You did everything at home and in the country with your own hands: cabinets with shelves, and flower beds with flowers.
The chief answers:
Yes, I did. Me and my wife like it very much. She says I'm good at crafting.
The instructor continues:
And I haven’t done anything at home for a long time and I’m not even going to do it.
Why? - asks the boss.
And whatever I do, my wife says it's bad. She constantly doesn’t like everything, and she criticizes me all her life. So, if she always doesn't like everything, then why would I do anything at all? Let her go and buy what she needs or do it herself.
Here is an example from life. So female criticism completely stopped the man. He doesn't even take any action. He doesn't want to do anything. Absolutely nothing!
Women's criticism stops any man. He does not want to do anything because everything is bad, and his beloved woman does not like everything. A man understands that his actions are not needed by a woman.
A man is sensitive not only to criticism of his wife or girlfriend. It doesn't matter who criticizes a man: mother, sister, grandmother, girlfriend or wife. It doesn't matter how old a man is - five or seventy. Women's criticism stops his movement, and the desire to act leaves.
What does a grown man do if a woman criticizes him? He either believes the woman's words or he doesn't.
When he believes, then he stops acting and sits down near the TV or lies down on the sofa.
If I do everything badly, he thinks, then do everything yourself, my love.
This is what most men do. And the beloved begins to solve all family issues. And the more things a woman has to do, the more she gets tired. And she continues to criticize her man with even more tenacity.
When a man does not believe women's words and does not put up with criticism against him, then he silences the woman. If she does not understand and does not stop criticizing him, he leaves her.
The man does not withstand criticism in his address. He intuitively understands that with such a hurricane of criticism, he, as a person, will perish. He runs away to save himself.
Criticism always reduces a man's self-confidence. And if there is no confidence, then there is no strength. This is how weakness is born in a man.
Let's say your man is doing something and you don't like the way he does it. What to do then?
Look for ways to tell him about it without being critical. By the way, there are a lot of such ways, but the habit of criticizing makes them invisible.
For example, you do not like the way your man does minor repairs around the house. Offer him to hire a professional master, and at this time he can do other, more important things. This sentence should sound like a call not to waste your time on small and insignificant things. But it's not like he's a bum and doesn't know how to do anything. You show him care, talk about his significance or importance, anything but criticize his abilities.
If you suddenly realize that you are criticizing your man and understand that the habit of criticizing has taken root in your mind, naturally, you will have a question:
How to get rid of the habit of criticizing your man?
Do not rush to get rid of criticism. First, put yourself in the place of a man.
Ask someone to criticize you. For example, start cooking food, and someone starts criticizing you:
You cut the onion the wrong way, put the pan on the fire wrong, added too much oil, stir very often, put it on the dish incorrectly.
Then look at your feelings. How are you?
Is this example not enough? Let's look at one more example!
Imagine what will happen if a man starts criticizing you. And, it will start doing it all the time. You bought a new dress and he says it's not pretty enough. You changed your hair and he doesn't like it. You cooked food, but it turned out not tasty, the restaurant is better. How long will you last, dear girls?
Here's something...
When you feel how criticism affects you, you yourself will understand what needs to be done. There will be a change inside you and you will stop criticizing your man.
The main thing to remember is that it is hard for us, men, to be near those women who criticize us, and it is easy for those who praise and admire us. The words of criticism dig in like the teeth of a saw. Therefore, they say that a woman saws.
Criticism is a sure way to destroy relationships. This method is slow and imperceptible, and this is why it is dangerous.
Remove criticism of your lover, and he will turn into a strong and confident man. And you need just such a man, right?
Psychologist Marina Morozova
If your husband periodically criticizes you, there is no point in pouting and being offended by him, enduring and swallowing grievances, but you need to analyze your family situation. Criticism of the husband, especially constant, is always some kind of signal that tells you something.
Therefore, it is worth listening to what and how your husband says when criticizing you, to understand the unconscious reasons and motives for his criticism and, on the basis of this, correct your behavior. Otherwise, your relationship will deteriorate day by day, and tension and dissatisfaction with life together will grow.
If the husband criticizes on the case, fairly and tactfully, then for suchthe best intentions are criticized. The husband wants the best for you (who, no matter how close, will tell you everything?). If other people tell you the same thing, it is important to understand that people around you see you that way.
For such criticism, you can thank and adjust your behavior.
But criticism is different.
There are other unconscious reasonsWhy does my husband criticize?
IS THE HUMAN CRITICIZING? REASONS AND MOTIVATIONS OF CRITICISM.
1) You are in the position of the victim.
If your husband constantly criticizes you and finds fault, then,
most likely, you are in the position of a victim. And
then he acts as a tyrant, a persecutor.
The stronger your victim position, the stronger it
tyrant position. In this case, you need to exit
victim role, the sooner the better.
2)Power is one of the main reasons why your husband criticizes you.
Criticizing you, he shows who is in charge in the house, puts you in your place.
You put the pans in the wrong place, you didn’t move the chair correctly, you spread the tablecloth ugly, you didn’t wipe the dust well. He shows that he is the head of the house, and you must obey him. That is, he commands, steers you. So, between you there is a struggle for power, you find out who is the boss in the house.
Of course, this is a childish way to get power. The one who commands is not always the head of the family. Andeveryone knows this. But your husband doesn't know how.
In this caseit is important for you, as a wise woman, to emphasize his headship in the family.
3) If a person screams, he feels bad, this is a signal of his psychophysiological problems(unless it is the cost of education). So you should feel sorry for him, sympathize and ... suggest contacting a psychologist.
4) Behind criticism can be resentment and a desire for revenge.
The husband was offended by you and cannot forgive you for this, but he cannot say it directly. In this casethe husband criticizes you over trifles, shifts his dissatisfaction with something important to him to something less significant.
Therefore, if criticism comes over trifles (minor nit-picking is not the case), ask: “What else do you not like about me?” and talk about it.
5) Redirecting aggression.
He has a conflict at work with his boss or partner, or a conflict with his mother, but there he cannot freely express his emotions. You are always at hand and forgive everything. Therefore, the “storm” falls on you (aggression is redirected from the real object to you).
If criticism and claims are unfair, excessive, then most likely they do not apply to you, but to someone else. Ask your husband: "Did something happen to you?" and discuss it.
6) As a child, he developed the habit of criticizing.
So it was customary to communicate in his parental family. Dissatisfaction with everything and everything, criticality is his second “I”, and the husband no longer notices that he finds fault with everything, and does not understand that he is hurting you. He just doesn't know how to communicate.
And your task is to convey to him that you are offended and hurt when your husband criticizes you. And completely rebuild communication with him.
7) Projection.
In others, we are annoyed by what is in us, but we do not want to notice these qualities in ourselves and in every possible way hide from others. Therefore, your husband criticizes you for those qualities that are inherent in him, for example, for stinginess or sloppiness.
But do not shout to him: “And you yourself are like that!”. Don't stir up conflict.
If you know that he has qualities for which he criticizes you, then he definitely projects them onto you. Set aside your reaction for 30 minutes. And then calmly talk about it and offer to work together to eliminate these qualities.
8) Self-affirmation.
People with an inferiority complex are prone to criticism. Thus, they assert themselves at the expense of others.
If earlier the husband was not critical, but now he began to criticize you, this may be a signal that his self-esteem has decreased, self-doubt has appeared. From you, he does not receive the necessary support (you do not praise, do not appreciate, do not respect) and therefore asserts himself with the help of criticism. Raising self-esteem at the expense of another is easier than working on it.
So, your task is to increase his self-esteem, say that you believe in him, praise, thank, emphasize that he is dear to you.
Moreover, to do this not once a day, but a lot, in order to raise his self-confidence, so that the lack of confidence disappears. And even if there is nothing to praise for, praise in advance. And it is important to do this sincerely, otherwise he will not believe you.Therefore, you must believe in it yourself in the depths of your soul.
9) Manipulation.
When your husband criticizes you, he lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel guilty. And it benefits him.After all, this way you will become more "silk", you will be afraid of losing it and you will not "look to the left." Husbands often do this consciously. This masks the fear of losing you, the fear of betrayal, betrayal.
How to be?
To notice manipulations in time and not be led to them. Do not make excuses, do not apologize and do not sort things out for a long time, but simply say, if you are really wrong: “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
If the criticism is unreasonable and excessive, show that you figured out his game: "It seems to me that you are now specifically making me feel guilty."
10) Psychoenergetic vampirism.
When a husband has problems at work,
when he has a crisis, he feels bad, hard, not
lack of energy, increasing anxiety and tension,
he needs to get rid of it and
feed on energy. And, of course, then it gets
those who are at hand - you and the children.
The husband criticizes and finds fault with you and the children,
unconsciously wanting you to respond to
it is stormy, emotional, and then he not only
relieve tension, but also receive the necessary portion of energy from you.
Therefore, by reacting emotionally (by giving what he wants), you provoke him to continue to behave this way with you.
If you react calmly, then he will understand that it is useless to cling to you - he will not receive energy from you anyway.
So answer him calmly and go to another room. But don't call him a vampire.
11) Husband criticizes you to get what he wants from you.
The husband wants you to cook better, and therefore criticizes your dishes.
He wants the house to be clean and criticizes you for being sloppy.
By criticizing you, he achieves his goals.
Women do the same, for example, they criticize their husbands because of the small salary.
Think about how fair his criticism is? Maybe it makes sense to change something in your behavior and attitude towards him?
12) My husband has an excellent student syndrome.
Such a person is a perfectionist, he wants everything around him to be perfect, "on the top five", and he demands this from himself and from others. True, he does not take into account that his and your concept of perfection may not coincide. It is easy to figure out an "excellent student", because he himself tries to do everything "excellently", and worries if something cannot be done perfectly. He wants to have the perfect wife, the perfect kids, the perfect home from his point of view.
Talk to him about his idea of an ideal family, home, wife, children, and life in general, and talk about yours, but don't argue. Focus on what you have the same, agree with him on these points. And where you have differences (and they will definitely be, it doesn’t happen without it), try to find a compromise. If not, go to a psychologist.
13) Maybe your husband is depressed and sees everything in a black light, including you.
In this case, a person is dissatisfied with everything and everyone, not only with you, he feels apathy, he does not want anything, his appetite and sleep are disturbed. Talk to him about it, find out if he has blues, depression. It is necessary to get out of depression, otherwise discontent will only grow. And it is better to do it with the help of a specialist.
14) Criticism of a husband can also speak of his emotional burnout.
A person is tired, he is tired of everything, everything irritates him, he feels emotional exhaustion, and finds fault with everything, including you, in this way trying to relieve tension. He does not see that the source of the problem is in himself.
Emotional burnout occurs in workaholics, "protein in the wheel", in stressful situations, with excessive physical and emotional stress. You need to talk with your husband about rest, recovery: offer to go somewhere to relax without children or sleep off on the weekend.
15) Another reason for criticism of her husband is the "I'm always right" syndrome.
Such a person is not able to hear and understand another person and his opinion. It seems to him that only he is right, and only his opinion is the only correct one. By criticizing and condemning you, the husband proves his case, sometimes even to the detriment of himself and his family.
16) Sometimes the reason for criticism is the husband's envy of you and your success.
You have achieved what he would like to achieve, but for some reason did not achieve. Your successes do not inspire him and do not cause a feeling of pride in you, but, on the contrary, infringe on his pride. At these moments, his self-esteem drops sharply. And he criticizes the results of your work and you, trying to restore his self-esteem. He himself will never admit to envy, and perhaps he is not even aware of it.
Your task in this case is to increase his self-esteem, to maintain his faith in himself, that he, too, will succeed.
17) The husband criticizes and finds fault with you, as he is dissatisfied with your relationship.
Maybe he was waiting and waiting for something more from you and marriage?
This is a dangerous signal, because if you do not start to understand your relationship, his discontent will grow and lead to the breakup of the family.
Maybe he is already looking for a reason to leave or brings you on purpose so that you yourself leave him? Then it’s all the more time to sort out yourself and your relationship.
Men and women are criticized for the same reasons.
What do you think, for what reasons does your man (your woman) criticize you?
(As a rule, this is not one reason, there may be several).
Why do you think you criticize your partner?
Keep in mind that Criticism in a relationship kills a relationship!
Are these reasons worthy of destroying your relationship?
Are you ready to lose them? Or is it easier, after all, to refuse criticism?
In the article, I gave only general recommendations, and for
more serious and in-depth study
problems I offer individual advice
(face-to-face or skype) or
If you liked this article, please do the following:
1.Put "like"
3. And of course, leave your comment below :)
Women are by nature more emotional than the strong half of humanity. That is why they often react to criticism with an outburst of anger and discontent, especially if a man criticizes. But having cooled down a little, the woman thinks and understands that there is still some truth in the words spoken by the partner. How to perceive the sharp words of a man and respond to them?
Types of criticism
Why does a man criticize a woman and how to respond to male criticism? First of all, it is important to learn to distinguish what type of criticism you are facing. There are two of them: constructive and non-constructive. The first type is aimed at improving, improving and developing a person. If your man makes a remark to you, think about it, maybe he doesn’t want to offend, but is just trying to suggest how it would be better?
The second type of criticism is non-constructive, usually it is directed at external factors, for example, mental development, appearance, etc. Such criticism sounds rude, harsh and insulting. But don't get hung up! Usually the critic is simply trying to hide his own insecurities and compensate for it in this way.
How to respond to criticism?
In each case, the correct response depends on the situation. In the case of the constructive, it is worth taking the position of an observer and looking from the outside. Is there really something to work on? Try to objectively assess the problem and ask for clarifications, advice.
Example: He made another remark to his girlfriend that she was late for a date every time, and he had to wait. It would seem, is it really difficult, and what is it, it was delayed for 5 minutes. But in fact, the guy does not plan to offend, but simply tries to communicate in this way that you can approach this issue more responsibly. Indeed, there is nothing difficult in leaving the house early.
If the criticism was unfounded, think about what it could be connected with? Sometimes people in a bad mood can say too much, which they later regret very much. If this is not your case, then behave with dignity. Under no circumstances give way to tears. It will only inflame the critic. Self-digging is also not the best option, so you can fall into depression. It’s better to laugh it off, saying, “Oh, we are such women ...” or just silently end the conversation.
Example: A man angrily asks his companion “When was the last time you cooked normally” or “Yes, look at yourself in the mirror!” Do such phrases hurt a lot and have no basis? So, most likely, the man is just trying to compensate for his inferiority in some area of life at your expense.
And finally
Try to keep your emotions in check. At first it will not be easy, but this ability will help a lot in life. Always analyze causes, not effects. Well, if your lover constantly pours remarks on you that have no justification, think about whether it is worth continuing such a relationship and turning into a trash can into which dirt and bile of character are poured?
Why does a husband start picking on his wife? What does he need? Why does he choose a perfect trifle and hammer again and again? What to do with such a man?
A little introduction to start. It happens, of course, that a man, in fact, is on the verge of normality in the field of the psyche. But then he finds fault not only with his wife, but also with other people. And, in fact, this is his constant behavior in life. He behaves like this with the leader, friends, acquaintances, etc. (Psycho, if in a simple way). What to do with such men? Treat? Leave? You decide. But it is clear that these cannot be changed and will only get worse with time.
In this article, I will write about quite normal men who find fault mostly only with their wife. With other people, they behave politely, try to please them and, of course, do not find fault at all.
With wives (sometimes with other close people), they are transformed and become petty, ignoble, or even low in behavior, men. They find fault with any nonsense, criticize those areas of life where it is most painful for a woman to hear criticism and nit-picking.
It comes to the fact that a woman can not wait until her man leaves somewhere. To work, to friends or somewhere else, it doesn't matter. In his presence, she feels some kind of constant tension. She feels as if a man is constantly watching her actions out of the corner of his eye, and behind her words out of the corner of his ear, in order to find a reason to find fault.
Why is this happening? What to do?
There are usually 2-3 reasons and I will outline them below.
The first reason is the wrong behavior of the woman herself..
Example.
“Oh, I forgot again. (I put it like this because you didn't remind me. I put it like this because I'm tired, etc..)
This is an exemplary dialogue between a "loving" man and woman. A woman makes excuses for making a mistake. In this case, it doesn’t matter whether this mistake was real and gross, or whether it was more of a man’s notion, just to find fault with his wife once again.
I repeat, it doesn't matter. The man finds fault, the woman makes excuses. The defender's position is weak.
And if a woman constantly behaves like this, then a man will think something like this: “My wife admitted that I was right. So I am wise. Therefore, it is necessary to educate her more often and point out her shortcomings. It will be better for her and for the family.”.
Example.
- Honey, you put the cup right here, and it should be 1 cm to the right.
Yes, I did everything right. From today she will be here. And you generally put it 1 cm to the left yesterday, and now you are still telling me where to put it. You yourself first learn to put the cup where it is necessary, and then tell me how to put it correctly. And if something doesn't suit you, get up and do it right. And at the same time pour me tea and cook dinner. And then ish, gave orders.
(It is very important here, of course, not only words, but intonation, pressure with words)
Already much better, in my opinion, than excuses. In some situations, it may even be the best option. This is usually followed by a small scandal in the family. But I repeat, in my opinion, this is a better option than if a man buzzes and buzzes that a woman did something wrong there, she did something wrong here, but here he is right, etc.
The family in this case is like a boiling volcano that periodically ejects lava, but it seems to me that this is better than a woman is simply rotten every day, and she is meekly silent. (I repeat - this is an example for an ordinary man who begins to become impudent if he is not periodically put in his place. If he is "crazy", then it is not a fact that it is even safe)
Another example.
- Honey, you put the cup right here, and it should be 1 cm to the right.
- Yes, I did.
- But you put it 1 cm to the right.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Well, you did it!
- I agreed with you. Yes, I did. Why are you repeating again?
This is another version of the dialogue. A woman does not argue with a man and, most importantly, does not make excuses.
This is often much better than the first two options. (For some women it's harder)
Only with such a speech algorithm (and mental, of course), it is impossible to completely solve the problem of the constant nagging of a husband to his wife. However, this is one way and quite effective. (If you do not place unrealistic expectations on him)
You just have to behave like this. It won't work, of course. It is necessary that such an answer option be stable for some time. To do this, such dialogues need to be worked out in the imagination.
Example.
- Honey, you put the cup right here, and it should be 1 cm to the right.
- Expensive. You hurt me with your constant nagging. You act like a child. I expect support from you in difficult life situations, understanding and sympathy. And what do I get? Niggling about the fact that the cup is 1 cm to the right? What difference does it make where it stands, if I feel bad and I need your support in a difficult situation (due to the fact that there is no income stability, problems with children, parents, etc.), and you are talking about a cup.
For me, this is one of the best options, but, of course, it also requires training and fitting for a specific woman and a specific man.
And here let's briefly switch to the reasons for the constant criticism and nitpicking from the man. What is the main reason? This cause infantilism psychological development. That is, the presence in the thinking of children's or, more often, teenage, thinking algorithms.
Just ask yourself a question. Will a truly adult man (psychologically) constantly find fault with the woman he loves? What for? So that the wife can only wait for her husband to leave the house? (And perhaps not only the wife, but also the children) Of course, a psychologically adult person will never do this. Especially if hard times have come in the family, the woman is tired, she is scared, or she is constantly under stress, and, of course, she may be doing something wrong. A psychologically mature man, especially in a difficult period for a family or for a woman, on the contrary, will support her, calm her down, try to somehow distract and, if possible, solve difficulties (or help a woman cope with them)
But the infantile, quite to himself, will constantly find fault with his wife and criticize her . He cannot do otherwise, even if it is obviously not in his interests..
Almost by definition, a man who constantly finds fault with his wife is, to some extent, infantile. After all, “picky” behavior is the behavior of a psychological teenager, who often, like a real teenager, tends to argue on any issue, whether it is necessary for the situation or not. A teenager protests and does many other stupid things, sometimes destroying his life (at this age, for example, they usually start drinking, smoking, etc.). The psychological teenager-man behaves similarly.
Accordingly, the above example (the behavior and words of a woman) to some extent encourages the husband to become psychologically mature. To remove from his character those traits that, in fact, prevent him not only from establishing relations with his wife, but often interfere with their manifestation, not only to establish relations in the family, but in general to achieve success in life. (Not the fact that it will work out, I warn you right away. Some men do not want to grow up psychologically, since this process involves taking responsibility)
And the last way is for the woman herself to attack. That is, to find fault and criticize a man.
This method, although outwardly similar to a dispute, is fundamentally different from it in effect.
An argument is just a tug-of-war on the field where a man feels stronger. He already knows perfectly well that you put, for example, a glass 1 cm to the right than necessary. Many times in a joint conversation you described where the glass should be, maybe even wrote it down on some paper or in a file. And now, when you put the glass 1 cm to the right than necessary, then you "hit".
It's useless to argue. The husband will show you the contract with you, where the correct place for the glass is clearly stated. He has witnesses and written evidence where he should stand by the rules.
Your attempt to transfer the dispute to another topic is also immediately noticeable. Your husband can directly tell.
- Dear wife, do not transfer the conversation to another topic. The glass was 1 cm to the right. To the right. So, you are wrong and you must admit it, then start to obey me, then admit that I am the wisest and smartest man in the world, because I know where the glass should be right. And then, of course, stop arguing altogether, because no matter how much we argue about a glass, you always turn out to be wrong.
That is, your position is obviously weak. And it takes incredible efforts to somehow put the husband in his place.
We need to act asymmetrically :). That is, you need to periodically spread rot and find fault with a man not at the moment when he starts his argument, but when it is beneficial for a woman and in those moments where a man is frankly weak.
Where can a man be weak? Sex, making money, humor, not being able to make friends, raise children, and a dozen other qualities that are obvious to a wife, hard to argue with, etc.
That is, take some quality where a man is weak and start talking about him. For example, money. There is not enough money. Your salary is not enough to live on. In the store, try on things that are clearly not affordable for your husband. Say something like: “Now, if you were earning like Ivanov, then now we wouldn’t need to ..., but we would do it ... :))»
It is not even necessary to do this in a variant of direct rot. Just “share” with a man information and difficulties in the family, ask for advice. This is much easier and better than arguing or trying to answer a man’s nit-picking where he considers his position strong.
Gradually spread rot on men and do not stop doing this, at least until you correct your man's self-esteem, and he stops finding fault with you for the slightest reason and without.
I must say right away that the method is working, though it requires a certain self-confidence from a woman, since a man can still snap back. But remember that rot is not a one-time action - it is a mandatory action for ANY man, even a relatively ideal one. Just for an ideal man, such criticism can be once a quarter. For a man who constantly finds fault, this is a daily “treatment” for six months.
And the last option is to slightly reduce the sensitivity to nitpicking.
In part, a man finds fault, as a woman reacts to these faults. She is afraid of them, and a man achieves something from a woman with the help of them. If not love, then at least not indifference.
You also need to learn not to react so strongly to nitpicking.
How to do it?
Trying to act like you don't care when a man picks on you usually doesn't work. Such a feeling sometimes develops that such men feel with their spinal cord that a woman cares and continue to hum until the woman explodes, cries or somehow unbalances her.
Better to do the next exercise.
You imagine in your imagination how your husband finds fault with you. Then you imagine that you don't care about his nit-picking. You treat them, if not indifferently, then as something like an unpleasant wind when walking.
At the end, imagine that the husband behaves well, does not find fault, but on the contrary, compliments, supports you, etc. Exercise should be done not one day, but a couple of months.
And of course, only a decrease in sensitivity will not help the case. This is just one of the methods of working 🙂 with my husband.
A little off topic at the end. I certainly don't know your situation. It is possible that your husband will find something to complain about, even if you behave perfectly. But maybe he constantly criticizes you for the same mistakes that you said 100 times. For example, I do not take my wife's demands to remove my socks scattered by me as a nitpick. I just learned how to clean them and that's it.
It is possible that at least some of the “nitpicking” of a man is not nitpicking at all, but, in fact, the usual requirements of a partner in the family, which you just need to learn how to do once and that’s it. If so, then learn to do what the husband asks. If these are still real nit-picks from scratch, when there is always a reason, then the algorithm is higher.
Let's summarize. A man who constantly finds fault with his wife is partly infantile. (In the vast majority of cases).
The worst way to correct his behavior is through excuses and arguments. (controversy a little better)
Much better is ironic agreement, slander, or expressing your feelings from his actions.
I will not say that effective methods will immediately begin to act. First, it is necessary that they become familiar to a woman. Then, in order for inertia to work and the man began to change his behavior. But this is many times better than excuses that only reinforce the bestial behavior of a man.
Try the above methods and I am sure that you will definitely be able to reduce your husband's nagging at times or even nullify them.
And, of course, do not forget to work on your own self-esteem. Often they find fault with precisely those women who consider themselves in many ways unworthy of a man. But we will discuss the topic of female self-esteem in other articles.
Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.
He forbids you to see family and friends
A man who uses a similar psychological technique in relations with you most likely wants you to belong entirely to him. He will make every effort to limit your contacts with girlfriends, friends, family and loved ones. He does not seem to understand, or does not try to understand that in addition to your relationship with him, there is a circle of people with whom you enjoy communication.
Your man insults and makes fun of you
Don't forget that the pejorative nicknames that your partner gives you, supposedly as a joke, have a strange purpose: to hurt you more, hurt you and make you "know your place." Seeing your reaction, he may try to shield himself: he will begin to accuse you of being too touchy, offer to look at things more simply and not look for a secret meaning in everything. Intuitively, you understand that you do not deserve such treatment. As a rule, tyrants try to convince their victim that abusive treatment is the norm, and the problem is in your attitude to the situation. Do not allow such treatment.
A man blames you for all his failures
If your man constantly blames you for his problems, this is a bad signal. Throwing a tantrum, which, in principle, does not characterize a man from the best side, he is trying to prove that his fault in what is happening is minimal, thereby shifting all the responsibility onto you.
Your partner drinks or uses drugs
Many people from the category of domestic tyrants are not averse to abusing alcohol or being addicted to drugs. Such dependence, as a rule, leads to inadequate and uncontrollable behavior of a man towards you.
Your man is intimidating
If your companion causes a feeling of fear, this relationship is definitely very far from normal. Humiliation and attempts to intimidate you are a signal that it is time to end the relationship. When a man deliberately provokes a dangerous situation, you should seriously think about breaking up with him.
Punishes you for time spent without him
This tactic is used in conjunction with a ban on seeing relatives and friends. As soon as you go out for a couple of hours, or do something without the consent of your man - expect punishment! Most likely, he will yell, insult you, threaten you, or find worse methods, using physical force.
A man expects slavish obedience from you
A man prone to psychological violence considers himself a unique person in all respects. It is because of such manifestations of narcissism that he requires special behavior and humility from you. He insists that you take on the role of a servant, and you did it voluntarily, unquestioningly agreeing to obey him in everything.
Your man is morbidly jealous
Uncontrolled and painful jealousy is the first sign of an emotional sadist. He can be jealous of you not only for acquaintances, friends, but even for dreams and goals, because they also distract you from him. The reason for such jealousy lies in the inability to take absolute control of all the material and spiritual aspects of your life.
Your partner is trying to control you with their emotions
A man who resorts to psychological violence is a very skilled manipulator. You do not agree with his ideas and do not fulfill all his instructions - he may begin to pout infantilely and picturesquely, try to threaten to break off relations or punish you for disobedience. He will try to make you feel guilty every time you express your opinion and defend your point of view.
Your man is physically abusive
This, as they say, is the last straw. Relationships in which emotional aggression has appeared will sooner or later reach a more difficult and cruel level. It's scary, but your partner will go from bullying to actual physical abuse. In addition, if he has an explosive temperament and has previously shown brutal strength, in a rage crushed objects that came to hand, pounded his fist into the wall or yelled until he was hoarse, it is likely that he will soon get to you and nothing will stop him. It's not even worth thinking about what decision to make. A man who raises his hand to a woman questions the right to be called a man.
You deserve to be a free, happy and beloved woman, charming and harmonious.