Why you can't scold a child for bad grades. Do I need to scold a child for poor grades
Most schoolchildren are approaching a long-awaited vacation.
Your baby has imperceptibly grown up, and now he is no longer a baby and not a funny preschool child, but an almost adult solid person - a schoolboy. A school uniform and the best satchel, a pack of notebooks, pens, pencils and a whole bunch of necessary things were bought. And you are looking forward to the child will delight his parents every day with fives? It cannot be otherwise: after all, your child is the smartest, most developed, quick-witted and well-read!
Suddenly ... Out of the blue, two's appear in the diary. And you are at a loss: how is that? What to do? Scold, punish, deal with the teacher?
We will give some advice from a psychologist on how to act if a child gives poor grades:
Council number 1 First of all - take it easy... Not a single person has yet managed to do without twos. Remember the most important thing: you can neither scold nor punish for bad grades. Why? Because this will not help get rid of the problem, but it will show the child: parents cannot be trusted, and next time he will try to hide the mark he received. And over time, he will learn to hide other problems from you. Do you need it?
If twos appear in your child's diary occasionally, then you shouldn't worry at all. Such episodic bad grades can be considered an accident: it happens to everyone!
Council number 2 If you see a clear deterioration on the training front, try to understand the situation. Maybe the school curriculum is too difficult for the child? This happens more often than people think. In this case, consider additional activities. A similar result happens in the case, on the contrary, of an overly easy program for a child whose level of development is ahead of the knowledge offered by the school. He is simply bored with doing what he has known for a long time, and deuces can appear as a result of negligence.
Council number 3 Another option is banal laziness. Well, your child is also a person, has the right to be lazy. Try to control how he does his homework., check it every night for a while. Maybe I will have to sit with him over the textbooks, explain something. This method will also help if the student simply does not understand a topic, and he has difficulties.
Tip # 4 A good way out of the situation would be the right motivation. Explain to the kid that the knowledge that he receives in elementary school is the basis of all further studies, and if he now does not take his studies seriously, then in high school he will be very difficult. Do not threaten, but calmly say that if you receive a report card with bad grades, you will have to cancel the long-awaited summer trip: it must be earned. And don't be afraid to keep your promise if your child fails. Let him realize: he has entered adulthood, the cancellation of the trip is not a punishment, but a confirmation of the truth that all good things must be earned.
Tip # 5 It can also happen that the student does not have a relationship with the teacher. Here, parents should make every effort to "Sort out" the situation with the teacher. Talk to the child, find out the reason, try to understand the essence - who is right and who is not very much. It will also be useful to have a conversation with the teacher - alone or at a parent meeting, depending on the circumstances. Just don't tune in to "war"! Show diplomatic skills.
Your goal is not to discourage your child from learning, not to suppress his faith in himself. Demand, but do not shout or scold. Explain that you are ready to provide any help that is required of you.
Any parent raising a schoolchild has at least once faced a problem - whether or not to punish a son or daughter for poor grades? Before grabbing a belt, which is, in principle, unacceptable in upbringing, or depriving a child of a computer for a deuce brought from school, try to understand yourself. Why does this fact bother you so? Also, it will not be superfluous to clarify the reasons for the poor performance of the child.
The importance of grades in school
Studying in the life of a school-age child plays an important role, but not the main one. Poor grades are often more frustrating for parents. Psychologists advise not to focus too much on deuces if the child only occasionally gets bad grades. But if low school performance has become systematic, it is worth taking action. First of all, you need to find out the reason for this behavior and the objectivity of the marks. It is not uncommon for students to receive poor grades unfairly. But if the deuces are well deserved, it is worth considering why this fact hurts you so?
Almost all parents dream of their children doing good and excellent at school. They worry about the future and career of their child, and that's okay. But is it worth attaching such great importance to the numbers in the diary? We will not recall the great geniuses of the poor, but the fact remains that school performance is not a 100% happy ticket to a comfortable and successful future. It is much more important to develop the child's abilities and talents.
Some psychologists advise hiring tutors or independently paying attention to the study of exactly those subjects to which the child has tendencies. By developing their talents, a son or daughter will be able to gain a deeper understanding of subjects that will help them in their career in the future. To succeed in all subjects on "5" most often does not make sense. This only plunges the child into additional stress and motivates not to obtain high-quality knowledge, but to mechanically hunt for beautiful marks in the diary.
Reasons for poor school performance
If a child does not study well, there may be several reasons:
- The student has lost motivation and interest in learning.
- Bad grades can be the result of demonstrative behavior of the child.
- The teacher does not present the material competently enough.
- The child is under chronic stress.
- It is difficult for a student to learn new knowledge, there are no skills for effective assimilation of information.
- Tense relationship with teacher or peers.
- Parents overestimate the grades.
By addressing the causes of poor school performance, you can significantly improve your grades.
Should you punish bad grades?
We have come to the most important thing - should the child be punished for poor grades? And in general, how to respond to school performance? Psychologists advise not to punish a child for deuces, but to react to laziness and laxity. If you see that the child used to study at "good" and "excellent", and now began to slide down, it is urgent to find the reason for this behavior, before the situation worsens.
If the main reasons for poor grades are excessive enthusiasm for computer games, long walks with friends on the street, then it is worth limiting this, and not scolding for deuces. Find out the reason for the loss of motivation to study and only then take preventive measures.
It is worth remembering that all children are different. For whom the red mark in the diary is a great stress, for someone it is an insignificant event that should not be given importance. Younger schoolchildren react especially sharply to negative assessments. Constantly punishing a child for deuces without finding out the reasons, and not supporting him morally, you drive him into even more stress.
Finished the quarter with a 5? Hold your tablet!
You should also not engage in the prevention of twos, encouraging good academic performance with material benefits and other bonuses. This behavior of the parents forces the child to mechanically receive grades at school, without delving into subjects. We all remember our childhood and comrades who begged teachers for good grades with tears, manipulation and other unhealthy ways.
Praise your child for success by comparing his "today" to "yesterday." Do not use more successful peers as an example, it hurts the child's psyche and mentally alienates you from the child. Use the word "but" in your speech more often. “Yes, you’re bad at drawing, but in mathematics there are only fives”, “Yes, you got a three, but this time you made fewer mistakes”, etc.
Remember that motivation for learning depends on the teacher's attitude towards their subject, the attitude of parents towards learning and the student's personal incentive. The alliance of these factors produces excellent results. Do not over-control the student, especially in the lower grades. You should not do lessons for him, just check the completion of assignments.
Let the school not be a heavy duty, and the motivation to study - avoidance of punishment for deuces. Then the child will be able to develop a healthy interest in new knowledge, while receiving real pleasure from learning.
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Let your child learn not to be afraid of bad grades. © Shutterstock
Your child is not the worst student in the class, but poor grades often ruin his and your mood. It is very important to teach the student not to be afraid of bad grades.
In the future, this will help the child to more easily relate to his failures and not consider them a universal catastrophe.
Studying at school is learning about life
First, explain to your child that learning is not about success and failure. It is important during school years to learn to acquire useful life skills. Tell me that at school it is important to learn to understand others, to build relationships. But, of course, knowledge is also very important.
To teach your child not to be afraid of bad grades and mistakes, tell him that learning is a long, slow process that continues throughout his life.
And if you think about grades all the time, then you won't have enough time for study. And many great discoveries have not been without lengthy trials, numerous mistakes and failures.
Do not intimidate your student with bad grades.
It is clear that if the mother constantly says: "Teach, otherwise you will get a deuce!", The child will simply be pathologically afraid of getting a bad grade. As a result, the fear of answering in the lesson.
And she can't really show knowledge either, even if it is.
It is good if the teacher is empathetic and understands that the student is modest and timid.
And if not? Then - solid twos. It turns out a vicious circle.
So do not scold the student for poor grades, it is better to ask what the new child has learned at school. In the course of the conversation, it will be sure to find out why he received a bad grade.
Many parents sincerely believe that helping their child do well is teaching lessons with him and scolding him for poor grades.
Meanwhile, psychologists are tired of repeating that both methods are ineffective in terms of child development. On the one hand, total control of the educational life of a primary school student and punishment for poor grades in school give its results: grades are getting better. But at what cost ... The child loses motivation and interest in learning, independence and initiative, school begins to be perceived as a heavy duty. A child gets used to learning lessons not for the sake of gaining new knowledge, not for the sake of learning, but in order to get a good grade, so as not to be scolded ... Hence the thoughtless cramming, cribs, cheating, lying to the teacher and parents. It’s bleak, isn’t it? .. In order to prevent such a development of events, you must, first of all, change your attitude towards bad assessments.
To begin with, it is pointless to scold a 7-12 year old child for poor grades, because at this age children still do not know how to draw positive conclusions from criticism. Your child can only draw one conclusion: "I am bad." And if the situation repeats itself from day to day, then very soon the child will be convinced of his stupidity and finally give up. Especially if you regularly cite the excellent student Masha as an example. Be sure to learn yourself and teach your child how to compare yourself with "yesterday's self", and not with other children. This is especially important in younger school age.
Praise your child for their successes, even if they have not been graded in school. For example, a student of the first grade and for 3 mistakes in the dictation, and for 5 will be given the same mark - "3". And you can praise your child for the fact that although he received a three, he wrote the dictation much better, made 2 fewer mistakes. And if he tries a little more, then there will be even fewer mistakes, and the score will also get better. That is, we praise the student for his diligence, the will to win, for any progress, and we scold him for laziness and irresponsibility, but not for bad grades. And we say not simply: “You are a great fellow (clever) today,” but we explain what we are praising for.
And further. Learn to tell your little student the magic word “but” more often, it’s inspiring. Let the child do poorly in mathematics (after all, no one has canceled the ability yet), but good in Russian. And it is not so important what your child will be the best at, the main thing is that he does not consider himself “lost” and “good for nothing”.
P.S.
Of course, we all want our children to be better than us: happier, healthier, smarter, more successful ... And scolding children, we, first of all, want their good. But, when you are going to analyze your child's school grades, often remember how you studied yourself ... This will help to be more objective.