Symptoms and treatment of the fear of losing loved ones. To love means not to be afraid to lose

02.06.2019

The fear of losing dear people may appear from scratch, or may be the result of some actions. If you want to understand how not to be afraid of losing a loved one, first find the source of this fear and block it, then your worries will evaporate, allowing you to enjoy relationships without looking back.

Worry Habit

Anxiety is a character trait that is inherent in some women. They find cause for concern in literally anything. In this case, one must learn to distinguish objectively arising problems from one's own conjectures. When a mother is worried that her daughter does not come to spend the night for the first time, it is not at all necessary that something terrible has happened to her. But the mother has already fantasized terrible pictures. The same may be true in your case.

Your loved one did not pick up the phone when you called, he was late for a few minutes more than usual from work, he did not say the words that you expected. And you are already excited, do not find a place for yourself from what could happen. Try to weed out such thoughts from those that really make sense. Find yourself an activity that you will immediately switch to as soon as negative thoughts begin to swirl in your head. For example, keep a volume of poetry, needlework, or your favorite game close at hand. Of course, this is only worth doing if you know for yourself that the whole point is precisely in suspiciousness.

Self confidence

Doubts about whether your husband still loves you arise from self-doubt. You don't believe that a guy can love a girl like you. Next, list many of your negative traits. Stop. You need to look at yourself through the eyes of another person, and then love yourself like your own daughter. Pamper yourself more often, put your mind and body in order. This will get rid of the habit of worrying over trifles. Well, a man will never leave a woman who is self-confident, constantly works on her character, takes care of herself and, at the same time, loves herself with the same strength with which he loves her.

Incomprehensible fears

The opinion is deeply rooted in people that there is no good without evil, just as there is no happiness without grief. That is why they do not allow themselves sometimes to enjoy the moment. It looks like it was stolen from someone. It is no coincidence that the fear of loss arises against the background of well-being. Trying to establish a balance between good and bad, the subconscious and throws up this causeless anxiety.

Also, groundless anxiety can be due to a completely normal change in your relationship. If a year ago you were at the peak of falling in love, today the euphoria has come to naught, but this is absolutely natural. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's just that now you have to adapt to new conditions, which is why the fear of the unknown appears, because you have not been in such a situation yet. If you understand that among the named reasons is yours, relax and enjoy what you have without looking back.

In this article, we will analyze what to do with the fear that a man decides to end the relationship. It would seem that it’s good when there is no such fear (this does not spoil the girl’s nerves), and when this fear exists (it makes you do everything so that the man does not leave).

In reality, everything is different, and this is something that girls who are afraid of parting with their loved ones should know about.

Why only them? I will explain. There are, of course, girls who are not at all afraid of ending a relationship at the initiative of a man: “I don’t care, I’ll find another!” - so, we are now talking about a little something else: about the case when a girl understands that a man is really good and there are few like him. Those. when a man is really dear to her.

In this case, the fear of losing a man is normal. Just as jealousy is quite natural in this case - I wrote about this in an article.

If a girl really cares about her man and their relationship, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that she is afraid of losing all this. But you can be afraid in different ways, and now you will feel the difference.

For the most confident girls, the fear that a man decides to leave is not a factor in determining their actions. For the less self-confident - is.

Moreover, this fear controls the actions of less self-confident girls in different ways: some girls already know how to deal with this fear wisely and competently, others (most of them) do not.

While more confident girls think, “Something out of the ordinary has to happen for him to leave me,” less confident girls think, “I have to do everything right now so that he doesn’t leave me.”

Less wise girls demonstrate their fear by following his lead. They do not hide that they are afraid of losing a man, showing him this both in words and actions:

“I’m so afraid of losing you”, “You won’t leave me, right?”, “I couldn’t breathe without you” and similar phrases are repeated by such girls quite often - so fear is shown in words.

In addition, such girls tend to anticipate and fulfill any desires and whims of a man: they are always ready to give up everything to come or help with something, to give up their plans, their desires, their pride. This is how fear is shown through action.

And this is what happens: a man hears it, sees it, not only that - he also feels it! We humans are natural creatures. We can not only recognize fear by words and actions, we can feel it.

And if a man feels and sees fear, and not confidence, he doesn’t start thinking: “Oh, how cool I am, since they are so afraid of losing me! ..” - no. He begins to think: “Something is wrong with her, she has become too attached, she has lost her self-sufficiency ... Besides, if she is so afraid, maybe I don’t know something? Maybe she's not that good? — i.e. the girl begins to lose her attractiveness in his eyes.

And if, on the contrary, a man feels and sees confidence, his brain assesses the situation as follows: “She appreciates and respects herself so much, which means there is a reason. She is not afraid to lose me, which means she will easily find another. No, she will be mine!” - that is, the competitive, conquering instinct wakes up.

Even if this thought constantly sits in you: “I’m afraid that my boyfriend / man / husband will leave me, I don’t want to lose him ...” - do not demonstrate your fear obsessively, persistently, constantly . Let it be better for a man to be afraid of losing you, and not vice versa. Be sure to develop self-confidence - start by reading the article. Gradually your fear will go away.

But it's about not alienating a good man. And if you want to learn how to be the most desirable, attractive and admirable for a good man - about this course The power of female attraction Check out this link to see if it's right for you.

In the life of almost any woman, there are moments when she is afraid of losing a loved one. For some, these are fleeting moments, because any person has a fear of losing what is dear to him, what he loves, for some it becomes an obsessive thought that interferes with living and correctly perceiving the world around us and people's actions, including their own, and generally adequately assess the situation. But the paradox is that the more you are afraid, the more likely you will be to really lose what is so dear to you. The only way to change the situation is to stop being afraid. This does not mean that you will stop loving, you will just be confident in yourself and your loved one, because when you are confident, you are not afraid. How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one?

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Photo gallery: How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one

Most often, insecurity arises from low self-esteem. Next, I will give some tips on how to increase it.

First, always try to learn something new, something to learn. You can start learning Japanese, you can learn to roller skate or master the secrets of culinary art, but you need to do this not for someone else, but for yourself. A person who lives an interesting life is interesting to others.

Love yourself. Go in for sports, sign up for a pool, go for walks so that your body is in good shape. And it does not matter whether you are a slender blonde or a plump brunette, everyone can find an acceptable option for an active lifestyle. You can change your hair, update your wardrobe, get a manicure. Please yourself and others will like you too.

Notice all the good things that happen to you. You can even start keeping a diary of good events. Do not criticize yourself too often, we all make mistakes, the main thing is to draw the right conclusions from them. Do not feel sorry for yourself, do not consider yourself weak, then you will not cause feelings of pity in those around you. You should be respected, not pitied.

Tune in to the positive. Life is beautiful and amazing, it is full of surprises. Think of good things that can happen to you and your thoughts will work and guide your life in a good way.

You don't have to compare yourself to anyone. Each person is individual and the other may have flaws that you are not aware of. You can only compare yourself with yourself, what you were and what you have become. If you don't like this comparison, then you need to change something.

You can get a dog or a cat. They will love you any, despite the shortcomings. And when someone loves you just for what you are, it's easier to be sure of the love of others.

Do not be afraid of difficulties. By overcoming them, we overcome ourselves. And thus we increase our self-esteem. Every task you take on, complete it. And if you have already decided to do something, do not put it off indefinitely.

If you think in advance what to do if, nevertheless, your loved one leaves you, you will no longer be afraid of this, as you will see that life does not end there.

But for this you need to have your own life, your own interests and hobbies. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you have to be together twenty-four hours a day. Allow yourself to go to a cafe with friends for a cup of coffee, without your boyfriend, give yourself a little freedom.

They say that you don’t have to keep your loved one on a short leash if you don’t want to lose him, because if he wants to, he will leave anyway. At the same time, they forget to clarify that with this leash you tie yourself to it, and the shorter the leash, the more difficult it will be for you if the relationship does not work out.

Remain, for him always a mystery, an unread book, and he will want to know you better. Surprise him, and he will not be bored with you. Be diverse, and he will be interested in you. The more complete and self-sufficient person you are, the more attractive you will be to others and to your loved one as well.

A person must first of all love himself. This does not mean that he must be selfish, but if you cannot love yourself, you will not be able to love someone else. Trust yourself, trust your loved one. After all, they are often afraid of what they do not trust. And what kind of love can there be if you doubt each other.

So what conclusions can be drawn?

How to stop being afraid of losing a loved one? Fear comes from distrust and insecurity. Distrust is only a matter of faith, if it is not there and you doubt your chosen one, then perhaps you do not need these relationships. And with uncertainty it is necessary to fight, first of all, increasing your self-esteem. Believe in yourself, that you are unique, wonderful and you have something to love for. Love yourself, love yourself for who you are, with all the advantages and disadvantages, and others will love you. Do not bind yourself with fear, it can only destroy your relationship. Be a full-fledged person, self-confident and you will not be afraid of tomorrow, but will look to the future with confidence.

Most often, insecurity arises from low self-esteem. Next, I will give some tips on how to increase it.

Tune in to the positive. Life is beautiful and amazing, it is full of surprises. Think of good things that can happen to you and your thoughts will work and guide your life in a good way.

You can get a dog or a cat. They will love you any, despite the shortcomings. And when someone loves you just for what you are, it's easier to be sure of the love of others.

If you think in advance what to do if, nevertheless, your loved one leaves you, you will no longer be afraid of this, as you will see that life does not end there.

So what conclusions can be drawn?

The fear of losing someone close can arise at any time. Initially, the child is afraid of losing his parents. Being already at a conscious age, there is a fear of losing a loved one. Various obsessive thoughts are formed that do not allow you to live, work, and rest in peace.

The fear of losing loved ones is formed in childhood

The phobia of losing a loved one is the result of the death of someone very significant. It is difficult to survive such an event. Having a phobic disorder, the patient can no longer control his emotions and actions that arose due to intense fear. But thanks to the development of psychology, such fears are curable.

Causes

The fear of losing a loved one can appear in early childhood. It is the result of childhood trauma. It is important for a baby that mom is there around the clock. The baby has a special bond with the mother, which is important not to break. If mom is not around for a long time, he will begin to worry, be nervous. If this happens several times, fear will gradually form. The child will have a certain association and a developed reaction to separation from the dearest person. This will be accompanied by hysteria and prolonged crying. If this fear is not eliminated initially, it will indeed develop into a phobia. And related phobic disorders will also begin to develop - fear of loneliness, death.

The fear of losing a loved one, being left unprotected appears due to childhood traumas, such as sexual or moral abuse, constant humiliation from peers or parents, attacks from classmates, etc.

Other reasons due to which the fear of losing loved ones develops: divorce of parents, death of a relative, prolonged absence of a father.

It happens that the child is scared by older brothers or sisters. They claim that some monster will steal the baby at night and take it away from the mother. As a result, the child has panic, horror and hysteria. If the mother is gone for a long time, a panic attack may begin.

Another reason is the observation of severe depression after a breakup. Usually the objects of observation are older brothers or sisters who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. They are aggressive against everyone. Any criticism is met with anger. The child sees this and remembers the reaction of a loved one. In the future, he may avoid any love contacts that he associates with pain, disappointment and fear of loss.

When a person is in adolescence or adolescence, personal experience of a painful separation is possible. He fixates on one person and takes the loss of a loved one very hard.

Another situation is when people meet or live together for several years. They become attached to each other and no longer represent life separately. For some time they feel good together, but at one point everything collapses and the time comes for parting.

Other causes of fear:

Focusing on the negative. Internal trembling is no longer normal and a person begins to panic for any reason. In any action he sees only a bad, negative outcome.
Low self-esteem. The girl begins to be jealous of the guy and believes that he will soon have a mistress. She has a feeling of guilt before her beloved. As a result, obsessive thoughts develop. She tries to keep her husband by any manipulations, causing a feeling of pity for herself. If a man suffers from fear of loss, he begins to overly control his beloved. Forbids leaving the house late, forces to change the style of clothing to a very discreet one, often calls or writes SMS.
News in the media. Recently, reports of death or missing people appear more and more often. Very emotional people begin to worry about loved ones and relatives. They try to control their every step in order to protect them from danger, but because of this, the situation can only get worse, and contact is broken.

Some reasons are related to the characteristics and personal qualities of a person. Fear of losing a person occurs in people with excessive emotionality, suspiciousness. It also often manifests itself in people who have difficulty with trust. They are afraid that a person will deceive them and begin to worry for no reason.

signs

Fear is formed gradually due to frequent and strong experiences. Initially, a person is often visited by obsessive and disturbing thoughts. He often begins to get nervous, to be afraid of something.

Then he becomes very obsessive. Daily makes several calls to loved ones, constantly asking if everything is fine and if anything bad has happened.

Any news about the disappearance of children or adults in the news causes panic and hysteria. After such news, the patient cries for a long time. The disease develops gradually. Panic attacks may become more frequent. They have the following manifestations:

cardiopalmus;
feeling unwell;
dizziness;
labored breathing;
high or low blood pressure;
slight trembling;
increased sweating;
frequent headaches, etc.

The patient has trouble sleeping. He can fall asleep, and if he falls asleep, he often wakes up in a cold sweat. Dreaming nightmares.

If the disease progresses, nervous breakdowns can occur. For example, with parents, when their child is at a distance and for some reason stops answering calls. This can be the initial stage of a disease called mental neurosis.

The patient obsessively calls relatives several times a day

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or yourself. Most often it develops in people with vegetovascular dystonia (VVD). In psychology, it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Manifested as a panic fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. He is afraid in a fit of anger to harm others or even kill someone.

The fear of harming someone close often appears in lunatics. Being in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of sleep, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic in the household and prevents the patient from living. Some send the patient to the priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is needed.

Often the fear of harm appears in the mother. Worries that someone will offend her child. This is how overprotection gradually develops. Mom does not allow the child to make a choice on his own, which spoils the relationship with him. You need to learn to control yourself.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as the fear of loss. Only the reaction to these causes differs. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of hurting loved ones

Effective Methods

If the patient at the initial stage noticed something strange in his behavior and discovered the presence of a fear of loss or harm to himself, you can try self-treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main ways:

Breathing techniques. Deep inhalation, slow exhalation is the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. It is appropriate to use breathing techniques when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you get over it quickly.
Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear recedes, and nothing bad will happen to loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect loved ones. The technique works by self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person to calm down and recover.
Set to positive. Reading interesting books or watching movies with a good, optimistic ending will help drive away obsessive thoughts. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit yourself to watching the news.

Every day you need to drink herbal decoctions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Do aromatherapy sessions. It is convenient to do this at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on soothing music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to recover as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you tune in to positive

Help from a psychologist

You need to turn to a psychologist if the disease does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time. Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additional medications may be prescribed. Most often, these are antidepressants.

At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

what happens if I lose a loved one;
What is this fear about?
what I experience when I can't contact a person;
what happens if a loved one hits or hurts himself in some other way;
what happens if I harm someone;
why do I care so much for my loved ones;
who said that something would happen to my relatives, etc.

This will help a person to realize the essence of his problem and understand what the experiences are connected with. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in a dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that frightens him very much. This may be the loss of loved ones, harm to oneself or relatives. It is important that the main signs of fear appear.

After that, the terrifying picture in the subconscious mind changes to something pleasant. It can be a visualization of dreams or an idea that gives a feeling of joy and happiness.

So there is a sharp change in thoughts and behavior. This exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

According to doctors, the manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. The average number of sessions is 7-8. But girls often need 10-12 sessions to fully recover and stop worrying about trifles for their relatives.

Conclusion

The fear of losing a loved one is the result of childhood trauma, divorce of parents, and frequent scandals in the family. The child is afraid of losing his parents, which is why mental disorders develop. The disease can form at a conscious age due to the negative influence of the media, low self-esteem and personal qualities of a person.

The main symptoms are dizziness, hysteria, heart palpitations. Sometimes panic attacks occur. You can try to get rid of fear on your own, but this will only give a temporary effect. It is better to seek help from a psychotherapist in order to forget about such a problem forever.