Marriage after 15 years of marriage. How to survive a divorce after many years of marriage - advice from psychologists. Traditions and customs that are usually observed at a crystal wedding

And they lived happily ever after... This is where the fairy tale ends and family life begins, where many disappointments await us, including divorce. The hardest thing is to separate after many years of married life. How to prevent divorce after 15 years of marriage and how to survive it? We need to talk about this in more detail.

Causes

It would seem that they got along in character (if it were otherwise, there would be a divorce after a year of relationship), the children are already quite old, many difficulties are behind us. What pushes a husband and wife to divorce after so many years of family life? Here are just the main reasons and ways to eliminate them.

Marriage crisis

The crisis of 15 years of marriage is associated with the fact that the child turns into a teenager and begins to separate from the family. It’s also not easy for the children themselves during this period, but the husband and wife may perceive all this as a breakdown of the family. There is nothing wrong with this; sooner or later children must leave the family and build their own lives. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that it will not look like yours.

What to do? Relax family boundaries, giving children freedom. The wife must remember that she is not only a mother, but also a spouse, and also a woman.

Also, the reason may be an age crisis in a man who wants to feel young, so he goes to great lengths. Even the most faithful husband can take a mistress just to show himself that he is still young.

Fatigue

After 15 years of marriage, fatigue and a desire to live for oneself may well set in. Is it worth filing for divorce if fatigue overwhelms you at the same time? If the children are small, then unlikely. In addition, you can understand the reasons for the routine and rebuild your relationship radically. Perhaps after so many years of family life it will not be easy, but you should definitely try.

Claims and mutual accusations

Over many years of marriage there should be a lot of them. Sometimes it becomes a tradition. A wife may blame her husband for putting her career on the altar of marriage; a husband often accuses his other half of not being able to realize his own desires or build a business. In fact, both understand that family and children cannot be a hindrance to anything, but it is easier to blame someone else.

What to do? Talk directly about all the problems and compare your points of view. Perhaps the help of an intelligent psychologist will be needed here, otherwise the whole conversation will again slide into mutual accusations. By the way, sometimes behind the accusations lies a feeling of dissatisfaction or guilt.

Lack of pleasure

Whatever one may say, people get married for pleasure. From sex, from your aspirations and hobbies, from communication. Over 15 years of marriage, it may be lost, which will make the meaning of your family illusory. Divorce is not the only way out of the situation.

You can find new common hobbies, open your own business, start playing sports or gardening together, and set new goals. By the way, this will later help you get through that sad period when your children separate from you.

My wife is tired of putting up with it

Or to my husband. Very often we suffer from some shortcomings and problems, put up with them, try to eradicate them, and then put up with them again. This could be the husband’s love of alcohol, the wife’s inability to cook, and much more... Patience can come to an end at any moment, including after 15 or 20 years of marriage. If your significant other has no intention of improving, only divorce will save the situation. And if he doesn’t, then terrible things can happen towards the end of his life. Do you know how many grandmothers are in women's prisons who, after half a century of marriage, killed their husbands?

If divorce is inevitable, all that remains is to start from scratch. What you can’t do after a divorce is turn all your attention to the children. No, they are also having a hard time with your separation and they need attention, but overprotection and too active parenting will not lead to anything good. If you are the mother of a girl, you cannot convince her that all men are... the same as her departed husband. Of course, you can’t throw out the negativity left after the divorce on your children.

In addition, you should not give free rein to black and gloomy thoughts. We replace them with good and positive ones. You are not afraid of loneliness, but are free. You are not an old, useless person, but an experienced and mature person, and therefore interesting. If he (or she) has a young mistress (or lover), then you can too. If it seems to you that now you have nothing to occupy yourself with, think about the fact that you have a lot of free time and unfulfilled interests. You shouldn’t get hung up on the idea that if the divorce had happened earlier, things would have been easier for you. It’s better to think that you lived happily for 15 years.

Also, you should not continue conflicts with your spouse and constant accusations. That's why we need a divorce, to stop this. Perhaps over time you will become friends and even continue to support each other. But at first it is better not to contact your ex-other half.

What you need to do is forgive your husband or wife for your separation. Don't blame yourself and your ex, this is a fruitless and unproductive activity.

Don't give in to depression. It's better to start a new business and start communicating with new people. Sports will also help with depression. You yourself understand that in a beautiful and healthy body there is a beautiful and healthy soul. Get your body in order, and your nervous system will follow suit. Choose what you like.

Understand that at 40, as at 50 (and even at 60), life is just beginning. It's time to try yourself in something new. Don’t try to start a new relationship right away: live for yourself for now. This will give you a better understanding of who you are.

Fall in love with yourself

Surely, after so many years of family life, you have already forgotten what it is like to love yourself: everyday life and routine greatly interfere with self-love. But now it's time to remember. Understand how attractive you are, remember what you once wanted and give others the opportunity to pay attention to you. Let's not isolate ourselves. Most family people dream of having more time for themselves. Now you have it. Make your wishes come true.

At 40 years old this is just as real as at 50, 60 and later. Right now. You can open your own business, try to turn your hobby into a job, and try a lot more. Finally find your path. Now you need to pay maximum attention to your interests. By the way, during this period, the former half may express a desire to renew the family. Whether it is worth giving an old relationship a new life and a new chance is up to you to decide. If you want, try it.

If divorce, after so many years of living together, is the only option, don’t think that life is over. It's time to love yourself again and realize that in fact we are all alone and no one can be closer to ourselves. And further. Even after the most difficult divorces and separations, reunions and reboots of relationships occur.

People start families, but at the same time get divorced. This process has become commonplace in the modern world; it is not surprising that people disagree. Is this good or bad? No one can say for sure what the pros and cons of a divorce are. Some begin to live better, while others, on the contrary, begin to live worse. It is necessary to consider all situations of divorce and understand what the consequences may be, as well as possible causes.

Divorce after one year of marriage

The first situation is divorce after a year of marriage. What can I say? This is one of the most dangerous periods when the risks of divorce are simply maximum. Why is this happening? In fact, everything is extremely simple. People, being enchanted, can run to the registry office after a month of dating. Of course, the entire period when a person is ideal in your eyes lasts a couple of months. Then a lot of problems begin. Now you see all the shortcomings that you can hardly come to terms with. You will probably experience a number of the following problems:

• You will start quarreling endlessly.
• Very often disagreements will arise on any issue.
• Interest in each other will disappear, as there will be no common topics for conversation or hobbies.

In a word, if a divorce does occur after one year of marriage, do not despair. You made the right decision, since further relationships with the person do not make sense.

2, 3, 5, 10 years of marriage and divorce

Now you can consider four dates, or rather four numbers, indicating when the divorce occurred. A brief analysis of the situation and an explanation of the problems will be provided:

• Divorce after 2 years of marriage occurs for the same reason as was described in the case of one year. In a couple of years, people can get to know each other. In the end, their interests may simply not converge, and they will have to take such a step in order to still have the opportunity to become happy in life.
• Divorce after three years of marriage – This is one of the first situations. What could have happened and why did people get divorced? Three years is already a long time, so the option with “they didn’t get along” is unlikely to work. What is most likely happening here is simply a change in people and their thinking. Sometimes this happens and it turns out that spouses do not find in each other what they were looking for. By the way, a situation with betrayal is also possible; after three years, sometimes a person gets tired of his relationship with his wife or husband and goes off to start secret affairs. It becomes clear that divorce after 3 years of marriage – This is a common phenomenon that can be found in the case of every tenth family.
• What if we consider divorce after 5 years of marriage? This is already a period of time and talking about differences in character is simply stupid. There may be other reasons lurking here. Sometimes people just get tired of living together in terms of constantly having to give in on something. Men often initiate divorce. They experience discomfort, and when children appear, they generally lose control and panic. This is where ideas about divorce come from. Or perhaps one of the spouses simply cheated, which later came to light and everything did not go as planned.
• Divorce after 10 years of marriage – it would seem impossible, but is it so? In fact, even such a period cannot become an obstacle to separation. Again, the main initiators of divorce are men. In general, 10 years of marriage means at least one child in the family. Probably, everything is there for happiness. But what can change? First of all, a man may have another woman. This is a very well known and common reason. However, sometimes the problem is that the person has simply changed in character, and he has become uninterested in living together with you.

Divorce after 15, 20, 25 and 30 years of marriage

Now we will consider those moves in living together that, it would seem, simply cannot imply divorce. In reality, too many years of marriage mean children and many difficult situations experienced. In this case, people know everything about each other. But this, sometimes, becomes the main reason.

• Divorce after 15 years of marriage – This is, surprisingly, a pattern. It goes like this. A person, and again, most often a man, simply falls in love with another woman. Although a similar situation can also arise with female representatives, the first option is still much more common. Sometimes the character changes very dramatically and everything in the family goes downhill.
• Divorce after 20 years of marriage – This is most likely just some kind of passion of a person for another woman or man. A husband can fall in love with someone younger, and so can a wife. Divorce in this case rarely occurs, since falling in love does not last long, and then everything returns to living together.
• Divorce after 25 years of marriage should be something incredible and non-existent, but it is not. Of course, all the reasons listed above can be attributed to this option. However, if you think more broadly, there are several more important lessons to be learned. For example, it happens that people live for 20 or 40 years without love, constantly quarrel, but this suits them and no one is going to change anything. Whether this is good or bad is for everyone to decide for themselves. But you shouldn’t drag out so much time, because it’s better to let the person go so that there is an opportunity to become happy.
• Divorce after 30 years of marriage is a very common occurrence among people who have studied their soulmate inside and out. Now their life may seem too boring and monotonous for them. They are trying to change everything through divorce. It should be noted that it is very rarely possible to change something radically. There are even cases when people get divorced, but after a couple of months they move in together again and get married, because they understand that over 30 years they have become the closest and dearest to each other.

The divorce cases under consideration cannot be stereotyped at all. Everyone in the family has their own problems, which become the reasons for divorce. The main thing to remember is that if you live together, try to keep your family together.

Divorce will never make you happier if you are already enjoying life with the person you are married to.

Crises in family life are an inevitable phenomenon. Occurring periodically, they can ruin the strongest marriage. That’s why it’s so important to know what periods of crisis exist and how you can survive them.

First crisis of family life

It is believed that at the initial stage of family life everything is simple. In fairy tales, heroes live “happily ever after,” which creates corresponding stereotypes according to which the first year of marriage is a happy and romantic time. However, in reality, many young couples face a crisis after 1 year of marriage. It is characterized by:

• Lapping. Living together, partners learn more about each other's shortcomings.
• Newly-made spouses learn about each other's everyday habits. Often they do not coincide, this creates slight tension in the relationship of the young couple.

note

According to statistics about 16% of married couples divorce after the first year of relationship. Nevertheless, we can overcome this crisis, we just need:

• Try to be more tolerant of each other.
• Do romantic things more often
• Refer to the experience of parents

Three years of marriage

The 3-year crisis is one of the most insidious. It is dangerous both for married people and for those who have not yet formalized their relationship. During this period, there is no longer a place for romance in life; it is replaced by boring life. And three more years of marriage is:

• A moment of disappointed expectations. The spouses understand that the ideal images of husband and wife created in the imagination do not correspond to reality.
• The birth of the first child in the family.
• Spouses' unwillingness to be parents.
• Frequent interference of loved ones in family life (mother-in-law or mother-in-law).

For the most part, the three-year crisis is associated with the birth of a child. It would seem that such an event, on the contrary, should unite the spouses, but according to statistics, 18% of marriages break up already in the 4th year of marriage.

During this period, childless couples also experience difficulties. The crisis of 3 years also affected those who are in relationships without marriage. Fortunately, psychologists have long figured out how to overcome it. Necessary:

• Try not to get hung up on relationships. Give each other personal freedom.
• Try to talk as much as possible on a variety of topics, do not strive to constantly discuss personal problems.

Those who have experienced a three-year crisis already in marriage should:

• Limit the influence of outsiders on relationships within the family.
• Pay less attention to each other's shortcomings.
• Talk more about problems that arose after the birth of the child. The wife must explain to her husband that she still loves him, even if she does not pay as much attention as before. A husband should be more patient, help and support his wife in everything.
• Spend more time together. For example, both spouses can walk with the child or bathe him.

Five-year crisis

The couple again face difficulties. During this period, a woman usually returns to work after maternity leave, which is the main cause of the crisis. It is due to the fact that:

• Despite returning to work and her usual active life, the woman realizes that she can no longer manage to do everything.
• When choosing between her personal needs and household responsibilities, a woman prefers the first, and this greatly irritates men.

Not every married couple survives to 6 years of relationship. According to statistics, 28% of married couples do not cope with the crisis for five years.

However, it can be avoided if:

• The spouses will be jointly responsible for household chores.
• The husband will be more attentive.
• The wife will begin to tell her husband about what is really bothering her.

After seven years of marriage

Family life is not that simple. Therefore, after adjustment, everyday life, the birth of a child and disappointed expectations, the spouses face another crisis - 7 years of marriage. It is due to the fact that:

• After seven years of marriage, the routine simply overwhelms us. During this period of time, many couples again forget about romance, turning their life together into an ordinary everyday life.
• Spouses are annoying each other.
• Family life becomes mundane and uninteresting.

Similar problems can be encountered after 8 years of marriage. According to statistics more than 25% of couples do not know how to survive such a crisis. Not understanding how to correct the situation, spouses often begin to cheat on each other. Therefore, not every family lives to see the next anniversary, 9 years of relationship.

However, such mistakes can be avoided if:

• The spouses will meet each other halfway: the wife will try to bring something new to the relationship, and the husband will appreciate her efforts and begin to show his romantic impulses.
• The wife will stop nagging her husband.
• A man will be interested in the life of his other half.
• A married couple will try to resolve all contradictions as soon as they arise.
• Try something new: they will find a new hobby together, go on trips, come up with something new in intimate relationships.

Crisis 11-13 years

Having lived together for more than 10 years, the spouses begin to quarrel again. The initial period of disappointment in life begins. Feeling empty, both husband and wife want to somehow change the existing way of life. However, they don't know how to do this, so they start:

• Mutual reproaches.
• Looking for entertainment on the side.

Often, after 12 years, spouses cheat on each other only because they want something new and bright. A whirlwind romance brings back the thirst for life, but deprives the opportunity for reconciliation within the family. Therefore, about 22% choose divorce.

However, if both spouses are willing to discuss problems and want to restore the relationship, discord can be avoided. To do this you need:

• Talk, forgetting about the differences of the previous 11 years of marriage. The past must be forgotten.
• Look at your partner with different eyes: remember all his positive qualities and fall in love again.
• Be more interested in each other's lives.

Crisis of fifteen years

After being married for 15 years, couples are once again facing difficulties. This crisis of family relationships is not so easy to resolve. This is the time when both spouses are under 40 years old. For a woman, this means a decrease in intimate needs and an early menopause, and for men - a midlife crisis. This period is characterized by:

• Emotional and sexual stagnation.
• Both spouses have neuroses.
• The desire to be young again.

Note. According to divorce statistics 19% of marriages fall apart after 15 years of marriage.

To overcome the crisis of monotony it is necessary:

• Reawaken interest in each other. The couple should try to become young again together.
• Try going on a date while leaving the kids at home.
• Talk about accumulated problems and discontent.

Midlife crisis

Disagreements that arise in the 15th year of life can progress and ultimately turn into a “mid-life” crisis. It covers a whole decade between 13-23 years of marriage. This period is characterized by multiple problems:

• Midlife crisis in parents.
• Transitional age in children.
• Disagreement between spouses on issues of education.
• Life together during this period follows habit.
• There comes a time when children enter adulthood and leave their parents' home.

If previous crisis situations in family life were often resolved peacefully for the sake of the child, now everything has changed. Left alone, the husband and wife understand that there will be nothing new in life anymore. That is why, after living together for 15 or even 20 years, many married couples break up.

The divorce statistics of this period are disappointing: 12.4% of couples cannot overcome this period.

However, we can overcome the “midlife” crisis; for this it is necessary:

• Remember the old days. Spouses must start caring for each other again.
• Build trusting family relationships. During this period, it is especially important to have a reliable ally near you - your soulmate.
• Find new interests, plunge into the world of entertainment.
• Distract yourself from bad thoughts more often.
• Bring intimacy back into family life.
• Be more patient with each other.

Family life after 20

Having overcome the midlife crisis, many married couples relax, believing that no more disagreements are expected. However, after 20 years of marriage, another crisis period begins. It has its own characteristics and features:

• Men are ending a midlife crisis.
• Women reach menopause.
• Spouses stop supporting each other. Everyone is fixated on their own problems.
• There are more and more reasons for quarrels.
• Another stagnation in the relationship.

These disagreements may well lead to divorce. According to statistics, about 1% of couples break up without celebrating their silver wedding.

• However, we can overcome this crisis period, we just need:
• Spend more time outside the home, chat with friends
• Try to bring romance back into the relationship

Conclusion

Family psychology has long described all relationship crises. However, this does not mean that every marriage goes through all these difficult stages sequentially. For example, there are many happy families who have not even heard about the crisis for 5 years. Everything always depends on how much the partners trust each other, so if they love and are ready to talk, no difficulties will scare them even after 7 years.

Only by wanting to maintain heartfelt affection can you overcome the crisis of 13 years, as well as any other. It is also important to understand the characteristics of each crisis period; this is the only way to avoid them. The main thing is not to forget that family relationships are constant work that is always rewarded.

Consultation with a specialist on video

One of the most influential psychotherapists in the world, according to Forbes magazine, Artem Tolokonin, talks about the crises of family life.