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How children are treated in an orphanage. Cruel orphanage: Soviet past and Russian present

19-year-old Lev has lived in an orphanage since birth. And only in the 8th grade, when there was almost no hope that someone would take him into the family, he met his adoptive parents. “It was at the birthday party of my future sister Nastya, whom her parents at that moment were taking to their family. Nastya and I stayed in the same orphanage for 5 years. She was chosen, and she invited me to her last birthday at the orphanage, which was celebrated with her parents. This is where my parents and I noticed each other. It was in January. And in the spring I was offered to finally become a member of their family. There was no doubt, I really wanted and waited for this, ”says Lev. He has been living with the family for 4 years now. His adoptive parents Lana and Igor Istomin have 8 children, both natural and adopted.

Orphanages are different, but the general principles of life are similar. Here is what Lev says: “Real rebels grow up in the boarding school: all your free time is devoted to such things as constant checks, because of which you are forced to lick every corner. In winter - snow removal, which keeps falling and falling, no matter how much you remove it, in autumn - cleaning the leaves (I always wondered why you can’t wait until all the leaves fall, and then remove everything in a couple of days, why clean every day?) . Constantly some boring events like “Today we will go to such and such a school to see their museum.” You want to be left alone after your studies and given at least some free time. Hence the protests. By the 8th grade, they came to the following idea: an orphanage is either an army or a prison. Both there and there there is a strict regime, there are no freedoms, corridor-type rooms, and so on. Hence the hatred for the boarding school and all life in general.”


In each class, Lev says, its own atmosphere is created, and it strongly depends on the composition of the class. “If there is one “bad guy” in the class and the teacher cannot find an approach to him, then pretty soon there will be more “bad guys” in the class, and the teacher will have to hang himself, and the children will leave the boarding school as cattle. And vice versa: if everyone is “sun”, then the teacher is happy when he goes to work, and the children are proud that they have such an exemplary class. And it has a big impact on the rest of my life.”

“For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of knowing what a family is, I really wanted to become a home,” says Lev. But I was never chosen.

Leo notices that in the orphanage the child has the same problems as at home. “It’s just that in a family a child thinks:“ How is it, other guys live with cool relatives, they have a busy life, not like me. And the boarding school has a different form: “How is it, the family lives so cool, but I have to suffer.” From time to time, a homeboy thinks of running away from home, and a boarding school one thinks of running away from a boarding school. And of course, all orphans, Lev admits, dream of leaving the boarding school as soon as possible (just like home children dream of finishing school). “Although not everyone knows what to do after the release. As a rule, there is some idea of ​​who you want to become, but in general, orphanage residents have the following thoughts, for example: “I still don’t know exactly what is there, but I’m sure that there is a cool, rich life there, there is freedom. As soon as I leave the boarding school, I will become a cool veterinarian and I will earn a lot of money.

“For as long as I can remember, I have always dreamed of knowing what a family is, I really wanted to become a home,” says Lev. But I was never chosen. They never even came to talk. By the age of 14, I realized that there was no chance, that's all. I wanted to hit hard. And then suddenly... So suddenly! I had no doubts, I immediately agreed. There was no fear of family life. There was only an intriguing expectation of something new, unfamiliar, but very interesting.”


What is the best thing for adoptive parents to do in the first time, when they adopted a teenager into the family? Children have their own vision. This is what Leo thinks: “It seems to me that often the first desire of an adult who wants to take a teenager for the weekend is to take him somewhere. Great, take them, but not to museums and theaters, but to McDonald's, laser tag, paintball, to a quest or other entertainment. At entertainment, it will be much easier to establish contact with the child and gain some kind of trust. In the evening, play interactive and educational games such as Alias, Monopoly, Underwood. All this will not make the child snicker with all the consequences, it will create a trusting atmosphere and a desire to return again. It is worth immediately setting the limits of what is permitted, but it is not worthwhile to thoroughly engage in education. All this, I believe, will allow you to establish contact with the child and form him some kind of trust in relation to you. And then - everything is based on the books of Lyudmila Petranovskaya ( Lyudmila Petranovskaya - a well-known psychologist working with foster families - ed. ed.)».

Now Lev is a student of the Faculty of Applied Mathematics and Information Technologies in the direction of Business Informatics at the Financial University under the Government of the Russian Federation. “I haven’t thought about my future family yet. Today, my parents, brothers and sisters are enough for me to feel happy.”

Lev believes that everything that happens to children who again and again become orphans and come to orphanages is a vicious circle: “As long as there are children in orphanages, new ones will come to orphanages. They come there for a variety of reasons, and all of them are far from indicative of life. So, I think that every child should be shown, explained that there is another life, that you can start a family so that your children are not taken away from you, and that you yourself do not want to take your child there. And this can be done only in the family. “Why is an orphanage bad and why does a child need a family? Children in boarding schools suffer and cannot continue to live normally. Is this not enough? Lev says. “It's like asking the question: why shouldn't there be starving children in Africa? Or why people shouldn't get AIDS? Such questions do not require an answer. He's obvious."

Expert comment

Elizaveta Matosova, psychologist at the Arithmetic of Good charity foundation:

A child who ends up in an orphanage is forced to adapt to the situation and get used to living in the circumstances. The biggest trouble is that nothing depends on him, other people manage his life, and he cannot influence it in any way.

Depending on the nature of the child, two strategies of behavior can be formed: one under the motto “what will it be, what will it be,” which is expressed in apathetic behavior, inaction, conciliation, and adults feel sorry for such a child, I want to do something for him. Well, the other line of behavior is according to the principle “I don’t care about anything”, and then the child resists with all his might, is aggressive, shows antisocial behavior, and such a child causes negative emotions in adults, he wants to be pacified, “put in his place”. In adolescence, these character traits become especially noticeable. Teenage rebellion is inevitable, both in blood families and in children's institutions. The only difference is that in the blood family this “repressed” or “rebellious” teenager is perceived as a part of himself, his family, and they treat his manifestations with understanding and with a desire to help, while excessive demands are made on a child from the system, in accordance with society's expectations.

Does anyone ask the child how he feels? Does anyone care what he thinks? Hardly.

More often you can hear edifying conversations with him that he “needs to study well”, “grab his head”, “behave decently”. These are all correct words, but they have little to do with the personality of the child. Who perceives him as a person in the institution? For educators and teachers, even the best ones, he is the “next” in their group or class, before him they saw “the same” and after him the “next” will come. Can you imagine such an attitude towards children in families? Not! In a family, parents develop relationships with each child that are in no way similar to relationships with other children; knowledge of the individual characteristics of the child helps to find their own approach to it.

What about children left without parental care? Who will hear them, comfort, support and be there in difficult times? Whom can they trust and tell about spiritual wounds, which, even when healed, still hurt? This is where foster families come in. By accepting a child into a family, you can warm him up and provide him with the necessary foundation for life, on which he can rely in the future. Only in a family can a child learn such things as mutual support and mutual assistance. Being in one bundle, to understand that they will never leave him, and will not leave him alone, no matter how he behaves, they will always come to the rescue, and, if necessary, protect him. Only after having such an experience, having satisfied the basic needs for acceptance and love and reliability, a teenager can begin to think about his future and look forward. Previously, he does not have such an opportunity, he cannot plan his future, as he is constantly in limbo and fear for his life. It is impossible to study in this state, and even more so to study well. Only very strong-willed children can afford it. They resist. You just need to understand that this “opposition” can manifest itself in everything, and not just in school, and others may not like it.

Do children want families? Of course, they do, but some of them still hope that their relatives will take them, so they refuse to go to foster families, others are afraid that they will not be loved and accepted there ... Therefore, they are not so afraid to go to their family for the holidays. Get to know each other, take a closer look, warm up at least a little, believe in yourself and in you, those who, perhaps, can become their support now and support them in the future.

Text: Marina Lepina

You can learn more about the life of children left without parental care on the foundation's website "

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Family is the most important thing in a person's life.

website On Children's Day, I decided to talk about kids who do not have this most important thing. Let's remember and help such very strong little people in every possible way.

  • First course, winter. As an activist, I was offered to be Santa Claus in an orphanage.
    I learned a couple of rhymes and games, put on a suit, glued on a beard and thought I was ready. Hell no, it's impossible to be prepared for this. For when I arrived, the children shouted that I was not real (I thought it was a failure). When the time came for gifts, each child, after telling a poem, whispered in his ear a wish for the next year: to find mom and dad or that they find them. All the children, without exception, asked for it. After the matinee, he silently smoked and cried.
  • Often visited the orphanage. Children taught me a lot, it was a good motivation. But one incident I will remember forever. Somehow I just sat in the hallway. A boy appears from around the corner with a woman, it seems, his mother, who came to visit him. And as a gift, she brought ... a package of Rollton noodles. But this boy glowed with happiness, because his mother was next to him. And we have iPhones of the wrong color - and immediately a scandal.
  • My twin brother and I were completely orphans and lived in an orphanage until the age of 5. Then we were taken by different families. I don’t remember much about my brother, but I remember our last day in every detail: we hid in a huge toy box and, with tears and smiles, told each other how we would continue to live and who we would become. We promised that we would find each other.

    Years have passed. In the orphanage they don't give information about him - they don't have the right, I can't find him myself. I finish school and go to study as a marine biologist, because then, sitting in this box, I said that I would become exactly that. I believe that if I arrange my life as I planned then, I will certainly meet my brother. I do not need anything from this life, just to find him.

  • Orphanage. I walk down the corridor, looking into all the bedrooms. Quiet, still sleeping. The last calm moments of my working day. I go into the rooms, pull back the curtains, turn on the lower light. The boys begin to toss and turn, raise their tousled heads, someone has already risen. In one of the bedrooms, the boy “makes the bed” with one hand, sitting on its edge and not opening his eyes. Disgruntled grumbling at each other in the corridor and the toilet. One of the children, coming out of the bedroom, comes up to me and nuzzles my side. He stands like this for a few seconds, trying to keep the sleepy stupor:
    - Good morning, Mom.
    • He helped to bring gifts to friends from caring people for babies in an orphanage. Himself not in business, purely as a driver. But you can’t convey the look and purity of the joy of children! He played with them, he was a giant, and they attacked in a crowd.
      Leaving was the hardest thing. It hurt me so much that I, an adult man, having returned home, roared all evening. Now I think a lot. I will help the children in any way I can.
    • An acquaintance until her retirement worked in a Latvian maternity hospital. She said that she exchanged children who died many times after childbirth for children abandoned by their parents. Made a list. During 42 years from 1963 to 2005, she saved 282 children from the orphanage. When asked if she regretted breaking the law, she replied that she regretted how little she had done.
      And I am one of that list.
    • Journalists came to the orphanage. In the corridor, the educator is immediately hugged by children: “Tatiana Yuryevna, will sponsors or patrons come to us today, that is, candidates or deputies?” The guys do not see much difference, but they understand: now there will be a concert, and then they will distribute toys to everyone and treat them with sweets. The most popular type of charity is to come for a short time, arrange a holiday, give gifts, cheer up. And leave, leaving everything as it is.
    • I heard this story from the employees of the Spanish embassy. There lived a wealthy family and they really wanted grandchildren. But the daughter and son were in no hurry to have children. And once they watched a program on television (“So far, everyone is at home”), and there they showed the story of an orphan boy. And then they heard that the boy's surname was the same as theirs. They decided that it was fate, and adopted a child. Now they all live happily together in Spain in their home.
    • My young man works as a bartender in a well-known institution. There is face control and it is strictly forbidden to come with children. Yesterday he said that before the start of the shift, a girl of about 6 years old came into the bar and asked to go to the toilet. He allowed her to go, and then a whole string of little ones came for her. It turned out that the children from the orphanage, on the tour. My compassionate invited all the guys to the bar along with the leader, chatted with everyone and gave them free soda to drink. The teacher then brought him a chocolate bar.
    • I picked up a boy of 12 years old at the station. He ran away from the orphanage, begged, wandered. Fed, washed. The boy turned out to be smart and clean. I realized that I can’t just return him to the orphanage. Made an appointment to pick it up for the weekend. Then he began to stay with me for a week. Acquaintances and friends condemned. The same thing happened to the boy. And quarrels, and cries of “You are not my father!” And when it was time to get a passport, he took my middle name and last name. I raised a good son.
    • Collected help for an orphanage. We arrived there with toys, things, sweets. We talked with the children for a long time, played. When we were about to leave, a girl of about 12 came up to me and said: “I like it so much that you came to us. I love it when people come to talk to us, and not just take pictures, and then take back the toys and leave.”

I don't know anything about American adopters. But I know something about the Swedish ones, but in the context of "selling our own children abroad" this is basically the same thing. So, I was lucky for several years to work as a translator for the Swedes who came here to adopt children. And not a single type of activity, either before or after, has brought me such satisfaction and a sense of the need and importance of what I am doing. More than ten years have passed, and I still remember almost all the couples with whom I had a chance to work. And I remember everyone with warmth and gratitude.

Vanechka

Most of all, of course, I remember the first ones - Christina and Johan, tall, beautiful people, both about forty. They brought a bunch of diapers, toys and sweets for the staff as a gift to the baby house. I led them along the flaky, old-smelling corridors of the Serpukhov orphanage, and from shame I pressed my head into my shoulders. It was my first time in an orphanage.

We were escorted into a large room lined with cribs. In them lay babies in gray romper suits. An older kid was sitting on the floor, on the potty, and indifferently looked at us from the bottom up. Opposite the child, on a high chair in approximately the same position as him, sat a nanny and bored the baby with a gloomy, determined look. It was clear that if her expectations were not met, the child would not leave the pot. Despite the large number of children, the room was dead silent. It seemed that neither the nanny nor the children simply had the strength to make sounds. Later I was told that children in orphanages practically do not cry - why? still no one comes.

We approached one of the many beds. "And here is Vanechka!" In the crib lay a tiny baby with not just a pale, but a completely blue face of a child who had never been in the open air. He looked to be about four months old. Christina took the child in her arms. Vanya did not hold his head well, looked indifferently and did not express any interest in what was happening at all. If not for his open eyes, he could well have been mistaken for a dead man. The nurse read out the medical record: "bronchitis, pneumonia, a course of antibiotics, another course of antibiotics... His mother has syphilis..." It turned out that Vanechka was EIGHT months old! "Not a tenant ..." - I thought. Christina bent over the child and did her best to hide her tear-stained eyes behind the crown of his head. She was shocked by everything she saw, but she was afraid to offend us, citizens of a great power, with her tears.

According to the protocol, the child was to be taken to a photo studio and photographed - in an upright position with his head up and his eyes fixed on the camera. The task seemed impossible. I remember jumping up and down behind the photographer's back and snapping my fingers, desperately trying to arouse the kid's interest in what was happening, even for a moment. Everything was useless - Vanechka, in Christina's arms, lowered his head to her shoulder, and his eyes still looked indifferently to the side. Luckily, the photographer caught understanding. I don’t remember what he came up with, but as a result of long torment, the photo was nevertheless taken: the head is on its side, but at least the eyes look into the lens. And thanks for that.

I was terribly sorry for Kristina and Johan, sorry for their hopes, time, effort, money. "Olga, a hopeless child. Don't they understand?" - I reported the same day to the head of the adoption center. No, they didn't understand. Having ticked and signed all the necessary documents, they came back a month later - now to take Vanya with them. He was already more than nine months old, but he still looked the same - pale, lethargic, small, motionless, silent. Crazy, I thought again. And on the way to the airport, Christina called Olga: "Vanya is singing! Listen!" There was a soft meow on the phone. Vanechka roamed, for the first time in his life.

A year later, they sent photos from Vanya's birthday. It was absolutely impossible to recognize in a toddler, confidently standing on plump legs, the former goner. In a year he caught up with his peers and did not differ from them in any way (at least outwardly).

This is not a story with a happy ending. I don't know how Vanina's future fate has developed and will develop, and what irreversible consequences will lead to the first 9 months of his life spent in the orphanage. And yet ... he owes his life not to his homeland, but to a childless couple from Sweden, who did not disdain a child with a developmental delay, the son of a syphilitic prostitute. And these Swedes who "bought our child" will never call him their property. By the way, they were going to, when Vanya grows up, by all means bring him to Russia - the child, in their opinion, should know where he comes from.

Tanyukha

Anna and Yoran brought with them three-year-old Viktor, who was adopted a year and a half ago. “Viktor, why did we come to Russia?” Anna asked, introducing him to me. - "To meet my sister!" Swedish speech in the mouth of this kid with a Nizhny Novgorod-Vologda appearance sounded somehow unnatural. I could not get used to the fact that he does not remember his native language at all, I even tried to somehow speak Russian with him. He looked at me in amazement.

Our path lay in Vologda, it was there that "sister" Tanya lived. Arriving at our destination early in the morning, we first went to the hotel. After a night on the train, everyone felt overwhelmed, especially Victor. I wanted to take a break before going to the baby house. Moreover, there was another night journey ahead - back to Moscow. We had eight hours at our disposal. Yes, no more is needed. Meet the girl, have a bite to eat, put Victor to sleep during the day - and that's it, you can go back.

The first surprise awaited us at the hotel. “Have you registered your foreigners with the police?” - the young lady at the reception took me by surprise. “Listen, we are here for less than a day, leaving in the evening. The room is needed only so that the child can rest, ”I tried to object. "I know nothing. We have to register foreign guests. Otherwise, I will not settle, I have no right.

Leaving our suitcases in the lobby, we rushed to the police station. Running around the streets of a foreign city in search of a taxi, then along the corridors of a police station, then in search of a cafe to feed a starving child, then again a skirmish with a young lady at the reception, who didn’t like something in foreign passports ... After three hours of hassle we finally threw our suitcases into the room and, completely exhausted, went to meet our "sis".

We were received no more kindly at the little house than at the hotel. “Tell your Swedes that we consider Russian adoptive parents out of turn. If a Russian couple appears in the near future, she will get a girl, ”an important lady in a white coat grunted to me gloomily. “Why are you only talking about this now? - I was indignant. If we had warned you earlier, we would not have gone to you. You have a home full of orphans, why arrange an unhealthy hype around one girl? Offer the other couple another child." - “Okay, let them go to get acquainted, since they have already arrived,” the lady in the dressing gown condescended. It seemed to me that I convinced her and now everything will be fine.

The Vologda baby house was the exact opposite of the Serpukhov one. Cozy clean building, bright rooms with fresh renovation. Children are well-groomed, strong. The day was summer and sunny. A line of toddlers with buckets and shovels walked past us for a walk. Many were barefoot! “Tempering,” said the nurse. - So that they get sick less in winter.

One and a half year old Tanyusha turned out to be a black-eyed beauty, blood and milk. When we entered the room, she was sitting at the table, spoon-feeding the doll. I didn’t even have time to blink, when Yoran was already standing in front of Tanya on all fours, and she, with a royal look, poked a doll spoon into his mouth and laughed. “Emotional contact has been established,” I recalled the wording from the protocol that was filled out every time the adoptive parents met the child. “He dreamed of a daughter for a long time,” Anna whispered. She herself, standing with Victor in her arms, listened to the nurse, who read out the history of development to us. Tanyukha was practically healthy. Her chart did not list a single course of antibiotics, not a single bronchitis, and nothing serious at all - the case for the baby's home is simply exceptional.

Yoran Tanyukhin's medical record was completely uninteresting. After eating with the doll, he sat the girl on his knees, and together they began to draw. Then - play hide and seek. I don’t know how long this could have gone on, but Victor, exhausted by the ordeals of the day, raised such a roar that we had to urgently leave the premises. “Please do not offer Tanyusha to other adoptive parents,” I asked the lady in a white coat to say goodbye.
In the car, Victor calmed down a little and again remembered the purpose of his visit.
- “Daddy, where is your sister?”
- "My little sister stayed in the orphanage." Yoran's eyes burned, he looked ten years younger.
"Why didn't she come with us?"
- “Be patient. We'll take it with us next time."
- "Soon?"
- “Yes, baby, soon. Now very soon."

The next day they flew home, and a month later I found out that the guardianship authorities had refused Anna and Yoran to adopt Tanya. There was a Russian couple who wished to accept her into their family. An amazing coincidence: I haven't been there for a year and a half, and then all of a sudden - once, I was found. I don't know how to explain it. Either by chance, or by the patriotism of the Vologda officials, or by a thirst to show foreigners the fig in their pocket. The latter, in any case, they succeeded in glory.

Gennady Prokhorychev, Commissioner for Children's Rights in the Vladimir Region. All photos are from the personal archive of G.L. Prokhorychev.

The children's ombudsman in the Vladimir region, Gennady Prokhorychev, at the very beginning of our conversation admitted that for a long time he did not want to return to the topic of violence and abuse in orphanages. But the sensational case in the Omsk boarding school, where four teenagers beat their peers, filmed it on a smartphone and uploaded a video to the network, prompted Gennady Leonardovich to rethink the problem of violence and even look at it through the prism of his own orphan past, which is presented in photographs from his personal archive.

- Tell us, what types of violence happen in orphanages, shelters and other orphanages? Explain, please, the mechanisms of occurrence of situations of violence.

- Cases of destructive, cruel behavior, various forms of violence against children (including those in the blood and in the foster family) are common in modern society. Messages about them regularly get into the media. In any educational organization, regardless of the organizational form - a colony for juvenile delinquents, a closed school, an orphanage, a correctional boarding school, a rehabilitation center (shelter) for children in difficult life situations, an orphanage, a children's department of a psychiatric hospital, a school, cadet corps, country camp - situations of violence and so-called hazing may arise.

There has always been violence in orphanages, back in the days of the Soviet Union. The internal social structure of such institutions - of course, not all of them - was built on the model of the relations of the underworld and in accordance with the "Zon" rules of conduct. Questions of discipline in the orphanage were at the mercy of adult children, which supported hazing and violence of the elders against the younger ones. There were also cases when educators beat children, they considered it the right and necessary educational moment.

Morning gymnastics. Specially for the Commissioner for Children's Rights, he provided his childhood photographs.

I will give examples from my childhood. In a pre-school orphanage with children from 3 to 7 years old, for any offense, the pupils were placed on the crossbar of the bed and beaten with a stick. They were put naked in a corner on salt or buckwheat. Ordered food. They pricked the hands with a needle to those children whose numbers on the blankets came off. As in the zone, I had number 73, and my twin brother had 89. The numbers came off very often. Therefore, we experienced the mentioned executions on ourselves more than once.

But the most inhuman "educational" method was different, it was called a "preventive measure" for those who misbehaved. A child was chosen, who was forced to smear the faces of other children with human waste.

Before the arrival of any commission, we were stripped naked, examined for bruises, so that we - God forbid! - they did not say that this was caused by the actions of the educators.

Self-training.

When a child does not know other methods of upbringing, and he does not have experience in relationships of love and kindness, he believes that this is how the world works, that this is the norm of behavior for adults. We children are accustomed to violence from adults, believing that this is how it should be. And this substitution that takes place in the broken mind of a child is the most terrible, which is very difficult to correct in adult life.

When we were transferred to the school orphanage, I hid under the bed so that they would not take me away. I did not know anything except my orphanage, I was afraid of change. The peculiarity of children's perception, laid down by nature, is to take everything at face value. The child can survive and get used to unbearable living conditions and unacceptable ways of communicating with adults or peers. Something similar happens in dysfunctional families where parents abuse alcohol, neglect the child's basic needs, and systematically torture their children.

- Gennady Leonardovich, what is happening in Russian orphanages now, are there problematic institutions in the same Vladimir region?

— The situation with violence differs depending on the region of the Russian Federation. For example, there are still a lot of orphanages beyond the Urals, and there are quite a lot of children in them. The situation there is changing very slowly, and all the problems that were in Soviet orphanages still exist today.

In the dining room.

Until recently, there were 22 orphanages in the Vladimir region. Each had more than 100 children. But with the development of the institution of a foster (substitute) family and the adoption system, the number of orphanages has decreased. Currently, there are only ten left. These are small, family-run institutions. They have everything for the full development of the child, the material base is very good. In each - from 15 to 40 children, in total there are 280 pupils in the region.

There have been no severe cases of violence in the Vladimir region for a long time. But there are still cases of abuse and violence among teenagers. As a rule, they are hidden by the heads of institutions in order to avoid a scandal. There are quite frequent cases when the elders take away money or just something they like from the younger ones, send them for cigarettes, force the child to do something instead of themselves; children steal. In fact, hazing in orphanages continues to exist, it has not yet been defeated.

- And what do you associate positive changes with?

- First of all, with the increase in the number of adoptions and the development of the institution of foster families. Many children left without parental care bypass orphanages and find new parents. And it is right.

October event.

The toughening of criminal penalties for crimes against the life and sexual integrity of minors also produces results and helps to prevent criminal behavior. The organization of professional retraining of specialists has become a systemic phenomenon in pedagogical practice.

The openness of orphanages to the non-profit sector and those NGOs that work in the field of child protection, in many respects changes the educational practice of the orphanage and the psychological makeup of the employees of the institutions. It is also important to change the national legislation in favor of reorganizing the system of orphanages, their internal maintenance and provision, rethinking the methodological practices and the system of personnel training that correspond to the new realities and challenges of modern Russia.

What do you think are effective tools to prevent abuse?

- Firstly, this is a responsible, indifferent attitude of the governor of the region, as well as the regional government to this problem. The governor must have a real picture of what is happening in the region. And most importantly, he must have a sincere desire to change the existing order of things for the better, to totally combat violence in orphanages.

Secondly, a professional and responsible director of the orphanage. Everything is very simple, but at the same time it is not easy. The child crosses the threshold of an educational organization, in this case an orphanage, and the leader bears full responsibility (including criminal responsibility) for life, health, upbringing and education. He must be well aware that behind his back is behind the scenes an investigative committee and a prosecutor who, in the event of illegal actions in the institution, will determine the measure of responsibility of the head.

“We pretend to watch TV. In fact, it's turned off."

Therefore, the director is the main figure who can stop the violence in his institution. The personal responsibility of the director is very great. He must know what is happening in the orphanage, what are the trends and prospects for the development of the children's team, and, if necessary, intervene and correct. Education plans must be clear, specific and effective.

Thirdly, this is a trained pedagogical team of like-minded people who should not work formally, for show. A team that is constantly looking for new pedagogical approaches, methods, tools for working with children left without parental care. The main task of teachers and educators should be to prepare children for independent life as conscious adults, responsible for themselves and for their future family and children.

In order to stop hazing, the director and the teaching staff must be within the walls of the institution 24 hours a day and know what is happening in it, what moods are among the pupils. Know everything about everyone: about his family and parents, state of health, strong and weak character traits, areas of interest, inclinations, about the circumstances under which he ended up in an orphanage, whether there are traumatic episodes in his family history. This is necessary in order to build an educational and upbringing trajectory of rehabilitation and prevent possible risks of developing destructive behavior.

"Listen to the radio."

In no case should the educational process be built on the basis of the principle “the elder can do anything” and he is responsible for discipline, thereby shifting his responsibility for maintaining discipline in the orphanage onto the shoulders of older children. Seniors need to be motivated to create a positive environment based on student self-government. It is necessary to build an educational trajectory so clearly and interestingly that the children do not have free time for destructive behavior.

My life experience tells me that a person should work in an orphanage by calling. The ideal in this regard for me is the feat of Janusz Korczak, who did not leave orphans at a difficult moment in their lives and went with them to the gas chamber. This is an image of the total devotion of oneself to needy children.

— Are there any positive examples of orphanages where the problem of violence was solved before your very eyes?

- Yes, it was in the school orphanage where I was brought up. We were 140 guys. The orphanage was located in the ruins of the monastery. The director knew nothing about what was happening in the team. And a lot of what we talked about above happened. The elders had fun, setting the shepherd Elsa on us, and we ran away. They hung cats and dogs in churches, skinned them, and forced us to watch. If anyone cried, they smeared their face with the blood of dead animals and beat them. Forced to beg for cigarettes and money from the villagers. On Easter, they demanded to go to the cemetery at night and collect food left by people on the graves of relatives, they took away New Year's gifts, forced them to fight among themselves, and the losers had to run across the thin ice to the other side of the pond. There was a lot more...

Kitchen attendants.

And then a new male teacher came to our orphanage and almost immediately changed the existing norms: birthdays began to be celebrated, photography classes appeared, musical and poetic evenings by candlelight, and so on. Specialists from the kennel club of service dog breeding began to come to us, we began to go on excursions to other cities and go hiking.

The new educator more than once had to show firmness of character and fight hazing and violence in the children's environment. I remember a vivid case when a teacher ran ten kilometers on a dare with one of the older guys in order to prove to him that he, who is able to offend those who are weaker, is himself a weakling. And he proved: that elder did not touch us anymore.

I am still grateful to this teacher, we communicate and are friends. This is a non-fictional example of a caring adult who changed the lives of orphans in a single children's team. A low bow to him and wishes of health and all the brightest.

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Got an adopted child? To Moscow!

The size of the allowance for a foster child in Moscow is now 17-22 thousand, a remuneration is also paid to the foster parent - a little more than 13 thousand for each child. But Moscow is the only city that pays so much. Even those who did not want to come here have come here now. There were also those who left their own older children at home, and with 8-10 foster children came to Moscow. To recruit more children, even if they are not disabled, is an allowance of almost half a million a month! Despite the fact that clothes and shoes can be bought for a penny, there are quite cheap shops in Moscow.

There is more than one case when such families bought very good cottages - this is a sore point. Over the past year, Moscow got 1.6 billion rubles from some wide pants for benefits. But the city, like any subject, has a limited budget. If money was found last year, this does not mean that the same money will be found in the future. And something needs to be done about it at the federal level.

Did not get along? Back to the orphanage!

In our country, there are adherents of different positions, where it is better to raise a child: in a foster or rehabilitated birth family. There are the same polar opinions on the return of children to the orphanage. The little girl spits in her eyes, runs away, lies, steals - no, it doesn't matter, wait till she's 18! Even if you kill yourself, don't you dare send the children back to the orphanage!

There is another position, completely extreme - they did not agree on the characters - back to the orphanage! Ruin your life for an orphan? For what? To then a medal on the neck? Nobody needs it! Society needs a normal full-fledged person. When an orphan returns to the orphanage, he does at least minimal, but still work on himself, thinks about why he was returned. It is clear that adoptive parents - the last bastards - returned the child to the orphanage. But in the depths of his soul, the orphan will not lie to himself, in the depths of his soul he understands that they returned him correctly. And, getting into a new family, he already knows: I will behave the same way - and these will return me. Or I will change something in myself - and here there will already be a family, love and happiness.

I only want to go to Moscow!

Children in orphanages for the last 3 years have been living at the level of kings - they have a house with servants, stuffed with everything. Ambassadors come to them - sponsors with iPhones, etc. And employees cannot buy chocolate for their children. If earlier it was possible to understand that there is an orphan in the class because he is poorly dressed, now an orphan is the most packaged child with the most expensive briefcase and an iPhone.

Many volunteers went all the way to shower poor orphans with gifts: parcels with sweets, sneakers, balls - as a result, orphanage children have seventeen New Year's holidays. The gift machine is the worst thing you can think of! This is not help, this is redemption. This is an indulgence. Volunteers go to the orphanage and buy this cheap joy. But even if they come there a second time, they will not find anything: the iPhone and sneakers will be sold. And it's good if the money goes to chips, not drugs.

Now there is a very interesting trend: in many rural and non-Moscow orphanages, in the personal files of children, there is a refusal to be placed in families other than Moscow. From the age of 10, the child himself can write such a refusal of the device to the family with some reservations. And the children clearly write: we don’t need a village and we don’t need a family. We need Moscow, a wallet, a palace and a platinum card. It happens that an adoptive parent comes from Moscow, but he only has a 3-room apartment - no, thanks, no need!

In an attempt to make life easier for orphans, we have made them dependents. Dependency is monstrous and the edge of this dependency is the rejection of foster families. Orphans are now very well-off members of society.

What after the orphanage?

After graduating from the orphanage, usually the guys get a job in colleges. In college, they can study for free 2 times - they graduate from one college, go to the second. Depending on the region, they are paid an allowance of approximately 20 thousand rubles. In most regions, including Moscow, they are given apartments.

If an orphan, after receiving one or two of his educations, has not worked a day and joins the exchange, then during the year the labor exchange in Moscow pays an allowance in the amount of 60 thousand rubles. In Belgorod - 23 thousand with an average salary of 7 thousand.

In fact, the approach to the topic of orphanhood changes every 2 years. Many have already come to conscious volunteering, to smart help: you need to invest in the knowledge and skills of an orphan, in what will help him survive - these are training apartments, these are tutors, these are personal growth programs.

What are training apartments?

An apartment is called a training one, in which an employee of the orphanage and 5 graduates settle. Usually it is a rented 5-room apartment. Volunteers come to them and give them some skills: professional chefs teach cooking, seamstresses teach them how to sew. They live in an apartment with no cleaner, no cook in the dining room. They do everything themselves, they go to the grocery store themselves. For example, they have a task to live on 150 rubles. There are five of them, and each has 150 rubles. Either they chip in and buy chicken, or they buy chips and go to bed with stomach problems. And every evening, over tea, they discuss how they managed to spend these 150 rubles. For example, what good fellows Masha and Dasha, who teamed up and bought a chicken and 2 carrots.


My favorite house

The Reka detstva Foundation has a project called My Favorite Home. When a graduate of an orphanage receives a one-room apartment, or returns to the so-called "fixed housing" - the apartment where he lived before the orphanage.

The task of the fund is to pick up and support the graduate at this difficult moment, to help “get used” to their house, want to live in it and love it, because many of them are afraid of independent living: apartments are rented out, there are 5 people, and nothing good comes out of this NEVER does not exceed.

The state does not allocate money for the arrangement of housing. Orphaned graduates receive 24 thousand rubles upon leaving the institution, while some have accumulated some money in their account (if the parents paid alimony or had a survivor's pension), others have nothing or almost nothing.

The condition for "entry" into the project is either helping with repairs in the apartments of other participants, or participating in the Bridge project - this is helping lonely old people. This is important, because during their stay in an orphanage, the guys get so used to the fact that everyone helps them and everyone owes them, that the psychology of the consumer becomes dominant in their relationship with life. And then it is difficult to work with them on a long-term basis, and repairs are not a quick matter - volunteers have a limited time resource. By involving children in helping others, volunteers identify those who are reliable and the children learn the rule of "receive-give".

During his studies, a graduate lives on a scholarship of 12 thousand rubles, and if he has no other money, the fund takes on the task of attracting resources for repairs in the apartment. If there is some money, the fund agrees on the degree of financial participation.

Volunteers help to come up with a color scheme and furniture arrangement in the apartment, deal with wallpaper, change linoleum or laminate flooring, sometimes lay tiles, etc. Other guys are always involved in these works - potential, and sometimes accomplished participants in the project.

The River of Childhood Foundation has few projects, but they are all working, they are all built on smart help.