Behind an invisible fence. The story of a child living with HIV infection. HIV-positive Russians will be allowed to adopt children‍

20.07.2019

“Quite unexpectedly, my husband and I decided to adopt a child, during the conversation it turned out that we are both ready to accept the child into the family! I was more driven to help and give my love to a child who was left without parental care for a number of reasons!
It was decided to take the baby with a minimum of health problems! The husband insisted on waiting for just such a baby! This worried me, this requirement is practically not feasible. Such a child could be expected for a long time. There is a long queue of adoptive parents for a practically healthy child up to six months old, who has just been born! We wanted the smallest one to go through everything from and to, since we don’t have our own children!

There were many fears! Most of all, I was afraid that my husband and I would not agree, because, knowing myself, I would definitely like a child with a diagnosis. It is these children who need a family, because the healthy ones are immediately sorted out! There was also a fear that I would be disdainful, etc., etc.
My intuition is not badly developed, I felt his birth, but I drove these thoughts away, because at that time we had not even started classes at the SPR (School of Foster Parents), months would pass when we could start looking for our child. I prayed for my child, asked God to enlighten the biomum so that she would take care of herself during pregnancy for the sake of the health of our baby. When we decided to take the baby, I started my little investigation, nutrition, vaccination and care! Because as soon as the health and future of my son or daughter depends on me. At that time, I was a vegetarian with a very short period and my eyes to the world were just beginning to open! It was decided that we do not make vaccines, but raise immunity in a natural way, knowing the composition of the vaccine, I would not have introduced all this to myself, not to a child! I chose raw food for the child.

We went to custody when all the documents were ready, everywhere they said the same thing, no children! Only in one of the guardianships we were shown a database of orphans with diagnoses. My husband, knowing me, tried to avoid this occupation! I was afraid of a difficult child. Nevertheless, we looked through the database, and below I saw a photo of a child about whom we were not told anything, since he was older than the age we requested! I took an interest in them and heard the terrible diagnoses of HIV and Hepatitis C. We left, and I thought about those children, that they are like details at the factory, marriage! Warmed the soul that some of them went to the bride's adoptive parents! And that child never left my mind. Nobody went to him.
Before that, I read a post about HIV in hopeless children. I came across information that there are people who deny HIV. I found that kid in the database, I found a site with video profiles of children! I constantly watched the video with him, admired my baby. I met people who live without taking therapy and everything is fine with them, it is not non-existent HIV that kills, but toxic therapy, drugs that decompose the liver and kill not only viruses, but also our cells, as a result, AIDS and death! I read the information, listened to doctors who deny HIV (Sazonova Irina Mikhailovna, Mavra Oganyan, Semyonova Nadezhda, etc.). She shared her knowledge with her husband, he refused. I prayed, went to church, cried, worried! She asked God to help her husband sort out the issue and he would make a positive decision. The husband liked this child, he also liked him, but fear did not give rise to action. I was also afraid of many things, but I was led by an incomprehensible force! I'm mom! And the mother feels her child! I was going to be a volunteer in the Orphanage where our baby was, but I am not allowed to be one, since I am a potential adopter! Such rules. I began to ask my husband to agree to meet the baby, that I would be grateful to him even for one meeting with him! I prayed again and here is a miracle, we take a direction and go to it. Heart pounding, excitement. On the first day, we met only with the employees of the Orphanage, as the baby was allegedly taken to the AIDS center for analysis. We were told about absolutely terrible diagnoses, problems, that the child’s liver “falls out”, that he will not live long, that the child is disabled! I didn’t want to hear anything, I said that I would look at the child, how he feels, looks. They chuckled and said the baby looks good, but that doesn't mean anything! They looked at me like I was crazy. I explain to them that I am not interested in what diagnoses this child has, I only need him! The fact is that my soul is not great, and I cannot accept every child, so I got hooked on this baby. I knew that this feeling might never happen to me again! They scared my husband, after their story, any sane person will run away! After all, how to live with such a child? Always in fear that now he will not be, how to survive the loss, because we will have time to become attached! But my intuition led me forward. I felt like I could help him! My husband is kind, but his fears…………… I tell him stories that many children leave the Orphanage with serious diagnoses, but at home everything is getting better, the child comes to life. For children left without parental care, they write everything in a row, even unconfirmed diagnoses!
The next day we went again. We met with the head physician of the orphanage and he played a big role in my husband's decision! I'm glad we were able to chat! There would be more such doctors who are not zombies! He explained that everything goes away in children, that now every second person can be diagnosed with Hepatitis due to malnutrition, due to taking toxic drugs, drinking alcohol, etc. The main thing is not to provoke the liver and follow a diet! He explained a lot, told logical things, my husband's eyes cheered up. After all, a real person, a doctor, is now talking about what I told him! They brought the child, he looked exactly at her husband and smiled at him! Strong, healthy looking! I held the baby in my arms, so heavy, and the smell, all this is my child! I don't need anyone else! The husband rushed about, and I was already ready to sign the consent, but we only began to visit him in the orphanage. I went to him, we walked! He began to recognize me!

We also talked with a pediatrician from the SC and with an infectious disease specialist. The child was sentenced to take therapy for life, they said that the virus was already in the blood, the tests were bad. She asked me to explain by what indicators this is clear! The SC told about the test results, so if there were other results, then there would be a chance of a cure, but in this case, most likely not! Why not accuracy again? “Most likely”, it turns out that, as usual, anyhow! There were also home births and the child was not dripped! Some kind of their logic, some pluses, minuses. Brad full! Have you seen the virus? Where there are many questions there is not true! Still, there is something to rejoice at, my prayers did not pass by. The child was saved from a dropper and from several vaccines. Due to the diagnosis, many vaccines are contraindicated. If you think about it, it will be clear that this whole diagnosis is nonsense! The infectious disease specialist probed the liver in our presence, everything is normal. Why we were told in the DR that the liver is enlarged is not clear. They wanted to make an independent examination, inspection, did not give a DR, they could not understand why we need this, they were surprised why we do not believe them. We did not wind up nerves and retreated.

Long before this story, I followed the Kalmykov family of raw foodists Vladimir and Svetlana, their life! I fully agreed with everything they said, I understood this family! Therefore, it was decided to turn to them for help, so that they would help to competently remove toxins from the child's body, adapt it, take it to another level! We choose life without drugs because we believe in God and in the gifts of nature. But we did not have the experience and knowledge that the Kalmykov family could give us! I will always be grateful to them that they did not abandon us! There was tremendous moral support, people are very open and able to understand other people's fears and know how to dispel them. The experience is really felt, I completely trusted them and God. At the peak of crises, I always received wise recommendations, followed them! Turn on your intuition. Svetlana spoke in advance about what result I should expect, and it came true! Everything was really like that! These are not just guesses and assumptions, this is an experience that I really appreciate and thank God that the Kalmykov family appeared in our lives! Words cannot describe how much trust I felt and feel in them! This is something more!

Thank you for your patience Svetlana and Vladimir with us! Thanks for everything!

There was only a day left before a decision was made. And my husband said YES! Dropped all fears, we went and signed the agreement. While the documents for the child were being prepared, we visited him! The thought that time is passing and he is still there, taking poison, was killing me, I could only wait and pray! There was a lot of negativity from the staff of the DR, the stroller is separate, because my child is dangerous, he is contagious. When, out of ignorance, I took another stroller, they immediately attacked me. It was mentally hard. Time dragged on for so long. The kid looked at me and probably understood everything, sometimes he was offended that I didn’t take him away! At first he smiled at me, then he didn't even look at me, he turned away. I started talking to him, asked him to be patient, to wait!! He seemed to understand, and we joked again, he sincerely smiled at me!

The day has come when we took away our happiness. Therapy was immediately canceled and they began to pull the child out of the clutches of the system and improve his poor health! There was no adaptation period, the child felt good, only at first he cried every night in his sleep, but quickly calmed down, he understood that he was at home! One thing frightened him when we went out for a walk. Children have their own fears, I think I was afraid to go back! He was naughty and pointed with a pen towards the house. Gradually, this state passed, and there is no more fear! We love walking! There were no withdrawal symptoms either! Of course, the system kept us, we had to go to the SC to take tests. The indicators have increased dramatically - viral load and others (I won’t specify which ones), Immunity and ESR are normal, which is quite important! The husband was a little scared, in the SC they know how to catch up with panic, this is also part of their work! But we experienced fear every time! I also went to a doctor who denies HIV and helps people like us to adapt after therapy. She said that the increase in test results is the expected result! Since the body begins to work without drugs, the cells divide. In the SC, we lied that we give drugs, we follow all the recommendations! Of course, they doubted, the analysis shows the cancellation. They made an appointment for us to get tested again. We stretched out a little time and again went to donate blood. This time I was calm, unlike the first trip to the SC. Then I was very nervous, it was impossible not to take a sedative! My intuition did not fail me - a miracle, VN and other indicators began to decrease, VN fell several times, very significantly! The SC believed that we were taking drugs, and we didn’t have to make excuses, so I was calm, I felt that everything would be fine! This was also prophesied by the Kalmykovs! Our immunity was praised even in the SC, the ESR is still normal! Now the temperature does not bother, cough rarely appears and snot also disturbs less often! Teeth are cut one after another, the child from the very beginning began to intensively gain weight, height! Caught up with peers in development. So they said, development by age! Complete blood count and urinalysis are normal. What else does mom need? A healthy strong child, happy and with a good appetite. We are happy, my husband loves him very much, they play and enjoy each other!
I wrote our story for the purpose of conveying some important things to people! Never set limits in that regard, I want such and such a child, such and such a friend, etc. It was our mistake! Many adoptive parents make similar mistakes! We have a child who diverges radically from our initial ideas and desires. Loved ones are not chosen, like a product in a store, they are felt!
Do not believe everything that you are told in care or at the Children's Home, check, listen to your heart and do not be afraid of diagnoses. We'll fix everything! A child in love and with the right care will get out, there are many examples, these are not empty words! Do not heal, read articles on the Internet, listen to real doctors, turn to knowledgeable people for help! Believe me, there is a lot of deception in the world! Nobody needs us and our children. Only we can take care of them!

Give a family to a child who needs it! Marriage is only at the factory, and a person chooses a person with his heart! As a result, our child was born exactly in the month when I felt his birth! I fell in love with him so much, as soon as they brought him home, I realized that I did not disdain him one bit! And no matter what anyone says, I will continue to trust my intuition. This baby is born with the heart! He is ours!

Thank you all, we are happy!”

And we, in turn, thank this wonderful family for giving happiness, love, warmth to the baby. A deep bow to you from the Kalmykov family))) And let your example be a landmark for many who want to take THEIR baby, but fears do not give ...

The Ministry of Education wants to allow Russians infected with HIV or hepatitis C to adopt children who live with them for a long time. At the moment, the relevant draft law, posted on the portal of legal information, is undergoing an independent anti-corruption expertise.

The agency wants to amend article 127 of the Family Code of Russia. Existing legislation prohibits people with certain diseases from adopting children, taking them under guardianship in a foster or foster family. In addition to HIV and hepatitis C, the list of these diseases includes oncology, tuberculosis, drug addiction and mental disorders.

The bill provides that the court will be able to take the side of a person infected with HIV or hepatitis C, “because of the already established family relationship with the child, as well as taking into account the interests of the adopted child and noteworthy circumstances.”

It took eight years to reform

Among the grounds on which the ministry wants to amend the Family Code is the decision of the Constitutional Court of Russia dated June 20, 2018. Recall that then the Constitutional Court declared illegal the ban on the adoption of children living with people with HIV or hepatitis C for a long time.

The court made such a decision after considering the complaint of a married couple from the Moscow region. Since 2010, they planned to have a child. However, in 2012, the woman had a miscarriage - at the same time she caught HIV and hepatitis C in the hospital.

The desired child of the spouses in 2015 was born by her sister - with the help of artificial insemination. The biological mother officially renounced parental rights in favor of relatives.

However, in 2017, the Supreme Court denied custody of the child to residents of the Moscow Region, citing the illness of the mother. The couple filed a complaint with the Constitutional Court. In it, they indicated that HIV infection is not transmitted by household means. In addition, during their life together, neither the husband nor the child were infected by the woman.

As a result, the Constitutional Court recognized as unconstitutional the refusal to adopt children by people with a positive HIV status. The court considered that the priority in the matter of custody should be "the best interests of the child and his need for love." The COP also noted that the world community does not consider HIV infection a threat to public health.

It should be noted that the precedent on this issue was created back in 2010. Then the Supreme Court of Tatarstan declared illegal the refusal of an HIV-positive Russian woman, Svetlana Izambayeva, to adopt her 10-year-old brother. The woman sought justice for 9 months - during this time the child managed to live in a strange family and return to the orphanage again.

“He endured so much both in the foster family and in the orphanage, and now I want to make up for everything, to show him how a real loving family should really live,” Izambaeva commented on the decision of the court.

"There are many such people"

The executive director of the AIDS Center Foundation believes that the Ministry of Education is amending the Family Code due to the already accumulated precedents when Russians with a positive HIV status were allowed to adopt a child.

“For example, the same Svetlana Izambaeva. I would call this proposal the first step - in this formulation it is easier to explain to the public the need for reform. But this step should not be the last. This measure is good, but still a half-measure,” he told Gazeta.Ru.

The infectious disease doctor agrees with him. In her opinion, the problem that the Ministry of Education wants to solve has not raised questions for a long time.

“People have recently been able to adopt their relatives, regardless of their HIV status. Recently, I gave an opinion on a case when a woman could not get custody of her granddaughter - it turned out that she had HIV. As a result, the court allowed her to adopt a relative. Thanks to the judicial precedent of Svetlana Izambayeva, the first Russian woman who took custody of her brother, people have won court cases more than once, ”she told Gazeta.Ru.

Meanwhile, Stepanova continues, the global problem persists. “If you go, then, in my opinion, you have to go to the end. These changes do not apply to those HIV-positive parents who cannot have children on their own. However, from a medical point of view, if a person receives treatment, there are no obstacles to obtaining guardianship. I think that the amendments need to be expanded, ”said the doctor.

The AIDS Center is also convinced that people living with HIV have every right to adopt children. “Regardless of how long the child lives with his parents. Being on therapy, they are not able to harm him, since the infection is not transmitted in any case. They are no different from people living without HIV,” Sergey Abdurakhmanov explained. —

And for a child living with HIV, it would be even more rational to get into a family with HIV-infected parents, as they have a deeper understanding of some points in the treatment and treatment of infection.”

The executive director of the foundation recalled that preparing for the adoption of a child involves a large number of procedures, including an HIV test.

“People living with the infection understand that they are unlikely to be able to adopt children. However, there are many such people - they have the same maternal and paternal instincts as the non-infected. In general, given the number of children in orphanages, it makes no sense to create artificial restrictions for people,” Abdurakhmanov said.

In the practice of the infectious disease specialist Stepanova, HIV-infected people who want to arrange custody of children regularly meet.

“These are people who cannot conceive a child on their own or do IVF for some reason. For them, the only way to become parents is through adoption or guardianship. And current legislation does not allow this. This is a huge problem.

Sometimes such couples want to take an HIV-positive child in order to be of maximum benefit to him.

In addition, I know cases when couples in which only one partner lives with HIV filed for divorce and registered parenthood for an HIV-negative partner,” she said.

Stepanova noted that today HIV-positive parents give birth to children without HIV, and they do not acquire it later, since it is impossible to transmit the virus through household means. If ten years ago, some doctors called on infected women to terminate a pregnancy, today there is almost no such practice, the specialist added.

“These are stories from bygone days. In 2006, when I started working in the field of HIV infection, there were, of course, such cases. Now, prevention of mother-to-child transmission of HIV provides almost 100% guarantee that the child will not get the virus. People on therapy live as long as people without HIV, which means that it is inhumane to deprive them of happy parenthood, ”she concluded.

Family matters

At the end of 2017, the Russian government announced a steady upward trend in the incidence of HIV infection in Russia. Thus, according to the agency, since 2011 the number of infected people has increased by 20.1%. Nearly half a million new infections were recorded between 2012 and 2017.

At the same time, contrary to general prejudices, in 2016-2017, the majority (50.3%) were infected with HIV through heterosexual contacts.

At the same time, the proportion of those who had been married for a long time and got HIV from a husband or wife increased sharply, because they did not even suspect that it was necessary to protect themselves when in contact with a spouse or take a test regularly, despite wedding vows of fidelity.

During homosexual contacts, only 1.9% received the virus. The remaining 46.6% of cases are related to injecting drug use.

However, people who are HIV positive still cannot formally adopt a child. Meanwhile, according to the latest information from the Ministry of Education, there are 48 thousand questionnaires in the database of orphans.

The head of the agency that posted the bill said in mid-August that she was opposed to allowing children to be adopted by HIV-positive parents. “I’ll tell you honestly: I am far from this idea,” the minister said without further explanation.

A boy and his four-year-old sister. The woman told us how she decided to take this step, why she does not talk about the status of her son even to her closest ones, and how they help infected people in St. Petersburg.

I did not have a goal to take a child with HIV, I just wanted children. Better than two - relatives to each other. They even have a semblance of a family in shelters. I also dreamed that they were like me - so unfamiliar people have fewer questions.

At the School of Adoptive Parents (SPS), we analyzed the typical stories of orphans. Often these are the children of migrant workers (they leave them when they return home). They are usually healthier, since their parents come to earn money, and not to drink or inject. There are also local children - almost always they are from dysfunctional families (otherwise, even if something happened to their parents, relatives and friends would help). Often they have health features - malformations, which prompted them to abandon them. After all, even in maternity hospitals, they offer to leave children, for example, with Down syndrome and other serious diseases. There are practically no completely healthy babies in the orphanage. If the problems are not physical, then psychological.

Many common diagnoses were discussed in detail at the PDS. And, oddly enough, we were told that HIV is one of the most harmless of them. Because with an attachment disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome, it is much more difficult to get used to. They advised to take a closer look at children with a status: if a child has nothing else, he may well be considered healthy. They explained that all the time you need to take pills, but if the baby takes them and is observed by a doctor, then he is not contagious. The worst thing is what we don't understand. As soon as we can put everything on the shelves, we begin to see not a horror story, but a specific situation in which we can somehow act.

Of course, I assessed my strength, thought about what I could handle. I am single, I raise children alone and work, so it was important for me that they could walk without outside help. And I was not ready for the problems of mental development: I wanted to communicate, travel, visit museums, share my life with them. Also, I was not ready for hepatitis, since in everyday life it is more contagious than HIV.

As soon as we can put everything on the shelves, we begin to see not a horror story, but a specific situation in which we can somehow act.

I chose my son and daughter from the very beginning, wrote to the guardianship authorities, but they answered me that in a couple of months their blood mother would be released from prison. On New Year's Eve, I received all the necessary documents in order to become a foster parent, and began the search. I called, wrote, once even went to meet. All children had their own characteristics: some had alalia, some had developmental delays. I internally felt that they were not mine, and a month later I decided to check whether the mother had taken those children. Turns out they are still in the database. In custody, they realized that I was serious and informed about the status of the elder. I suspected something like that, it was strange that they were not taken away: they are small, cute. Of course, the short term of the mother's imprisonment could play a role, but there should have been an additional nuance.

Then I spent half the night at the computer. Despite the fact that I work with doctors, I didn’t really know anything about HIV: I remembered my feeling of horror in my youth when taking tests needed for some documents. But then I started reading and realized that my son could live a full life, and, if you approach the process wisely, have absolutely healthy children.

It is not customary to talk about this topic, so I had no one to consult with, only sites and forums helped. I found an anonymous blog of a girl who adopted a girl with HIV. She wrote that she calmly eats with her from the same plate, and also that there is only one main concern - to give the child pills on time twice a day. Is it difficult?

It turned out that HIV is a chronic disease, about which there is not much information and everyone is afraid to ask questions. In everyday life, infected people are not contagious if they take medication. Their blood is also safe - it has an undetectable viral load.

The next morning I had a puzzle, and I decided to get acquainted with the children. I was the first to come to them - the rest refused when they found out about the status of the boy. I took them home less than a month later.

Indeed, there are not very many difficulties in raising children with HIV. Yes, every day at a certain time you need to take pills. But I'm already used to getting up at seven on weekdays and on weekends without an alarm clock. Later, they explained to me that plus or minus an hour would not make the weather better, but the habit remained.

We regularly go to the doctor to be observed to monitor the viral load and the effect of drugs. The body is complex, at some point it may stop responding to treatment, and then the therapy must be adjusted or completely changed. We need to follow the diet, but the doctor only advises us not to abuse chips and cola, the same is said for healthy children, there is nothing extraordinary in this.

Once every three months I take my son to take tests and get pills - it's free. The issuance takes five minutes, the tests themselves take an hour, at least in St. Petersburg. As far as I know, there are no problems with this in Moscow either.

Now we have such a public procurement policy that if a foreign drug has a domestic equivalent, then they will buy a Russian one. We recently had one drug replaced like this, I consulted with the doctors, and they said that the generic drug given to us was no worse than the original. My son still has an undetectable viral load and is doing well, so I guess that's the way it is.

I was not going to tell anyone about the status of the child: neither my parents, nor the nanny. But still, it is difficult for one person to follow the regular intake of pills - it is impossible to stay at work, go on a business trip. And the more seriously you take it, the more mistakes you make. A couple of weeks after I brought the kids, I had to tell the nanny. I forgot to give the pill to my son, called her, explained where they were, and in the evening discussed the situation with the diagnosis. The nanny could leave, but there were no options: the child's health was at stake. Fortunately for me, she has a biological education, she knows what HIV is, and is not afraid. For me it was an unexpected surprise.

I did not want to injure my mother even more, she was already worried when I took the children from the orphanage. As a result, she told her only after a year and a half - she, of course, was offended. And, despite the fact that she is a doctor, she offered to buy her son separate dishes "just in case." They laughed, and of course they didn't.

We didn't tell the rest of the family. Most of all, I am afraid of discrimination against my son and I am not ready to check which of my relatives is well versed in this topic and who is not. Almost all adoptive parents of children with HIV do not advertise their status even among their closest relatives.

My child does not yet know what kind of illness he has and what its name is. He was taught at the orphanage that he had poisonous blood. When he was naughty and wanted to distract me, he drew a dot for himself with a red felt-tip pen and said: “Mom, I have blood.” He thought it was very scary. Incompetent people, instead of explaining to the child that he just needs to take medicine, scared him. They, too, can certainly be understood. Babysitters are poorly educated, they need to be safe. So that if he cuts himself, he immediately ran to them. So he was taught that he could poison everyone around. I then relieved him of this fear for a long time, showing that I was not afraid. She explained his peculiarity as follows: “You have a disease. War is in your blood. There are good soldiers and bad ones. And we help the good ones with pills. But we only talk about it at home.”

He was taught that he could poison everyone around with his blood.

The older the son gets, the more I'm afraid that one day he will let it out in the heat of the moment about the disease. Of course, we discuss this at home and will soon go to a psychologist - the age has come. We have postponed the conversation about the status for the time being, this issue should be decided by him when he grows up, and not by me. Only an adult has the right to disclose such information about himself, not his parents.

Of course, until we start talking about HIV, the disease will be stigmatized. That is why I am talking to you now. But I can’t endanger my son – I don’t know how the mothers of his classmates will react.

I started blogging under a pseudonym. Even if you read the comments on what I write, you can understand: people have a lot of mess in their heads. I can convince a living interlocutor, but the screen does not. And random comments can hurt my child.

The therapist in the polyclinic knows about the status, but the employees of the kindergarten and school do not. We are not obliged to inform anyone, on the contrary, there is a legislative prohibition on the disclosure of this information. And this is right, because first the society must be prepared. Now people have very little knowledge, HIV is a young disease that is being actively studied.

My daughter told me: “Mom, how good it is that you tell us everything and show us, no one has done this before”

I myself have recently been dominated by stereotypes. For example, when a child had a nosebleed, I tried to be more careful with it, although I had read a lot of information by that time.

In addition to the disease, children have many other features, the orphanage is a difficult experience. My daughter told me: “Mom, how good it is that you tell us everything and show us, no one has done this before.”

For the first three months, my children had a different smell, an unpleasant one. This is the effect of fear hormones and changes in eating habits. Then he disappeared. In addition, children from orphanages have a specific understanding of personal boundaries: there are no mothers who pull apart children who beat each other with shoulder blades. They are not explained that it is possible not to hit, but to agree, forgive, hug.

I sincerely believe that my son is very kind, but he does not yet understand that pushing and touching for another child will be an invasion of his territory. A person from an orphanage is traumatized by his experience, so if everyone is also happy to announce that he has HIV, it will only become more difficult for him. And I want him to be easier and happier in life. This is the desire of any mother.

At the beginning of July, Law No. 167 “On Amending Certain Legislative Acts of the Russian Federation Concerning the Placement of Orphans and Children Left Without Parental Care,” just approved by the Federation Council, landed on President Vladimir Putin’s desk in early July. The State Duma adopted it a week earlier, with this law, the explanatory note says, the deputies wanted to give more guarantees to adoptive parents and at the same time protect the rights of children. This law, however, had a side effect: absolutely healthy people cannot become adoptive parents - provided that they share shelter with those whose diseases the state considers dangerous. As a result, people who have already adopted orphans diagnosed with HIV and hepatitis B and C will not be able to take on anyone else. Lenta.ru dealt with the situation.

My family

Volodya feeds the caterpillar with leaves, and Anya keeps her caterpillar in a jar and does not want to let it go outside. Her caterpillar is thicker, with brown speckles, while Volodya's is pale pink, without a pattern. There are two more children in the garden: Ira plays with a setter named Jessica, she throws a ball to her, and Vanya is at the table, he pulled a stack of pancakes closer to him on a black ceramic plate. The dog ate five pancakes in a row, and Vanya is afraid for his portion. The children baked pancakes all together in the kitchen. From its windows you can see a garden with apple trees, a large inflatable pool and a trampoline. It smells of oranges - under the sink, in which Vanya will wash his plate, there is a bowl with home-made glycerin soap, pink, with yellow flowers. The children also cooked it all together.

A four-story cottage in one of the villages of the Leninsky district of the Moscow region is indistinguishable from neighboring houses: measured country life, equally happy children on vacation. Mom picks raspberries, dad came home from work, now we will go to the station to meet him, then we will drink tea and eat pancakes with honey and condensed milk.

It is not known how people living in neighboring prosperous houses would behave if they found out that in the family of Anna and Igor Dmitriev ( surname changed) out of nine children taken under guardianship - four carriers of HIV infection. In parental jargon, these children are called "pluses", because of the positive reaction of the blood test to the human immunodeficiency virus. Slender Anna and fit Igor met twenty-five years ago: she worked as an accountant, he worked as a programmer. A year after they met, they got married, a year later their daughter, Rina, was born - their first and only biological child. “As a child, I had some kind of not even conscious desire, but a feeling - I don’t want my children, it’s better to take a child from an orphanage, help him,” says Anna. - When Rina was born, we set ourselves one goal: to earn money for a large apartment, so that there was where to bring foster children. We worked day and night, bought a three-room apartment, then my husband opened his own company selling computers, and I decided: “That's it, I can no longer work, it's time to do the main thing.” There was free time, Igor and I began to travel to orphanages, to help the pupils.

The World Health Organization, listing the ways in which HIV can be transmitted, assures that the infection cannot be contracted "through normal everyday contact, such as kissing, hugging and shaking hands, or by sharing personal items and drinking food or water." American prevention standards for doctors say the same - saliva, nasal secretions, sweat, tears, urine and feces are considered safe if they do not contain obvious traces of blood.

With regard to hepatitis C, its main mode of transmission is through contact with blood through injections, transfusions and injuries. Hepatitis, according to the WHO, also cannot be contracted "through safe contact, such as hugging, kissing, or sharing food or drink with an infected person." At the same time, experts stipulate that infection in the case of hepatitis is possible when it comes to using personal items contaminated with infected blood.

Forty-five-year-old Anna roller-skates and cycles daily. She has a girlish figure, long dark hair, and large eyes that are magnified to cartoon size by glasses. We are sitting in the attic of the rented cottage where her whole family now lives: the attic is called the "game room", it contains boxes of Lego constructors. Previously, Anya's older adopted children lived in this room.

“Five years ago, we took two teenagers from an orphanage near Moscow, Sasha and Kolya, with whom we already knew each other well: we went to their orphanage as volunteers, they came to visit us. Why did we decide to adopt them? Well, it was a mutual decision: they needed support in Moscow, because they were going to enter the capital's university, and we wanted to give them a good start in life. A year later, we took custody of three girls - Yulia, Olya, Marina. They were thirteen years old, now they are finishing school.” With the boys it was easier, with the girls it was more difficult: they didn’t like the clothes that Anya advised them, they missed the TV, there was not enough cosmetics.

So the Dmitrievs became "large" guardians. “We did not adopt children, this is a very important point: only if the children are under guardianship, the state provides them with benefits for obtaining an apartment and a quota in universities,” explains Anna.

In 2011, the Dmitrievs took care of seven-year-old Anya, four-year-old Vanya, nine-year-old Volodya and ten-year-old Ira: the children spent their entire lives in an orphanage in the Urals. “They had a good orphanage,” Anya recalls. - They had enough food, toys - in abundance. But all the same, the children waited until they were taken away, and were surprised that others were willingly taken away, but they were not.” Others were more fortunate for one reason: they did not have HIV.

Anya talks about younger children with a calmness that is unusual for a typical Russian mother with a post-Soviet anamnesis, in which it is written in black and white: “AIDS is the plague of the twentieth century.”

“Why did we take pluses? she wonders. - Like all parents, I liked beautiful and healthy children, and these are rare in orphanages. I realized that I had to sacrifice something, and intelligence is an important component for me, I am not ready to take children with serious mental problems. Children with HIV are intellectually intact, very developed, and modern antiretroviral therapy allows them to lead a normal, full life. If you follow medical prescriptions, they are no different from their peers. She does not understand why the HIV virus causes panic in many: “Why should I be afraid? Many are afraid, you say? But I do not believe in God, although many believe. But I believe that these children need help.”

Communication with “pluses”, Anna assures, is built according to the usual rules: “I just tell them that you must constantly take medicine so as not to get sick, remember this. Yes, there are certain restrictions, they are forbidden to eat fatty and salty foods, since the drugs act on the work of the stomach, and this has to be monitored. I am unlikely to give more than two pieces of chicken to Vanya, who has treated hepatitis C in addition to HIV.”

Anya's children are registered at the Moscow HIV Center, but she is not ready to talk about their diagnosis at school: you never know what kind of reaction you will encounter. She, like other adoptive parents, is well aware of the cases when "pluses" were expelled from kindergartens and schools. With children, the Dmitrievs do not talk about the virus: psychologists recommend waiting until the age of eleven, so that while their wards live a serene life. Describing this life, it is difficult to keep from being sugary: here are children jumping on a trampoline, with the whole family leaving the gate on rollers, chewing apples, making dolls from scraps of fabric. The alarm clock rings eight times a day in the house, they take medicine by the hour.

The Dmitrievs considered taking custody of several more children. But they can't help anyone else.

A plague on both your houses

On July 2, 2013, President Vladimir Putin signed Federal Law No. 167 "On Amendments to Certain Legislative Acts of the Russian Federation Concerning the Placement of Orphans and Children Left Without Parental Care." Parliament approved it a week earlier.

The law redrawn the rules of adoption and guardianship. Previously, parenthood was denied to people suffering from a number of certain diseases; According to the new law, even healthy people will not be able to take a child for upbringing - if they are registered in the same apartment with the sick. The “List of diseases that pose a danger to others” approved by the government of the Russian Federation is attached to the law: it concerns both the guardians and adoptive parents themselves, and those who share living space with them. Along with diseases transmitted by household means - tuberculosis, plague, cholera, helminthiasis and pediculosis - hepatitis B and C and HIV are mentioned in it, although it is already well known that these viruses are not transmitted through ordinary social contacts, they cannot be infected by sharing with the sick man food and a roof over his head.

Charitable organizations sounded the alarm. “The very interpretation of “dangerous diseases” is very vague. Let's say you adopted a child from an orphanage with hepatitis C, and now you want to take another child, with a different diagnosis or without it at all. So, under the new law, you will not be able to take anyone else, since your first child is officially recognized as “obstructing adoption,” says Alyona Senkevich, an employee of one of the adoption agencies. At the same time, it is still possible to take an HIV-positive child from an orphanage to a family with healthy children - "the state will only thank you for this." “On the other hand,” she continues. - staying together with children carrying these viruses is not considered dangerous; in orphanages, such pupils are kept in general groups. It turns out a paradox: in one place it is possible, in another it is categorically impossible.

Lada Uvarova, head of the Petersburg Parents movement, also sees far-fetched obstacles for adoptive parents in the new law: “In this initiative, no matter where you poke, there are solid holes and logical contradictions.” Since 1996, the guardianship authorities have refused to adopt carriers of hepatitis B and C and HIV. It was believed that they would not live long, therefore, they could not guarantee that the child would not become an orphan again.

“Now a lot of dramatic problems have arisen,” Lada complains. - Firstly, how to determine cohabitants? Are they your neighbors in a communal apartment? Those who are officially registered, or those who just live in your apartment? It turned out to be a huge gap, into which a lot of people are sure to fall.”

The law, Uvarova is sure, does not leave a stone unturned from medical secrecy. She gives an example: imagine that you rent an apartment in half with a neighbor, he is a carrier of hepatitis C, but does not make his diagnosis public, which he has every right to do. Now, if you decide to adopt a child, the diagnosis of your conditional neighbor will be known to you and the guardianship authorities, and God knows how many people. “This is complete discrimination,” Uvarova gets angry. “Everyone has been fighting for so long that people with HIV and hepatitis C can go to the same facilities as healthy people, and now they are being driven onto the reservation.”

According to Lada, “stupidity in the law” arose for one reason: “an order was received from the president to urgently do something good for the orphans - they didn’t have the mind to do something good, and a complete disaster came out.”

“Thanks to modern therapy, these people live long and relatively happy lives. Moreover, they really want to take on the upbringing of orphans with HIV and hepatitis B and C, - continues Uvarova. - Six months ago, people from the Ministry of Health promised that in the very near future, carriers of HIV and hepatitis B and C would be allowed to become adoptive parents. Instead, restrictions on the fact of cohabitation were included in the law.”

sore point

In April 2005, Gennady Onishchenko, head of the Federal Service for Surveillance on Consumer Rights Protection and Human Welfare, unexpectedly announced that people who are carriers of the HIV virus can be allowed to adopt orphans. In May of the same year, Onishchenko's department prepared a corresponding document. But then things came to a halt. Amendments to the regulations on adoption and guardianship were prepared by Natalya Burtseva, then an expert of the Duma Committee on Public Associations and a lawyer for the public organization AIDS Infocenter.

Amendments to the legislation were overdue eight years ago, according to Natalia, thanks to the progress achieved by antiretroviral therapy: “By the beginning of the 2000s, it became clear that people with HIV can live long, because the drugs reduce the level of the virus in the blood to acceptable parameters. These people can perform parental duties no worse than others,” she says. The papers were sent to the relevant ministries of health and education, their further fate is vague, Burtseva knows nothing about them. Gennady Onishchenko, with whom I contacted by phone, flatly refused to discuss this topic.

Exactly seven years later, in April 2013, the Ministry of Health again promised to remove HIV and hepatitis B and C from the list of diseases preventing adoption. The initiative of officials received wide publicity in the media, but now they don’t remember it in the department. In response to the question why the terms of adoption were not softened as planned, I receive a dry comment, signed by the head of the press service of the department, Oleg Salagy: “The main purpose of the restrictive lists [of diseases] is to protect the health and well-being of children. With regard to infectious diseases, including HIV, we are talking about eliminating or minimizing the risk of infection of a child from an adoptive parent or other person living together with an adoptive parent.” The Ministry of Health, he wrote, “does not exclude the possibility that in the future, based on an analysis of the results of law enforcement practice, taking into account the level of development of medical science, the issue of excluding HIV from the number of obstacles to becoming an adoptive parent may be reconsidered.”

That April impulse of the Ministry of Health was supported by the Russian government, and now a benevolent letter is being sent to my request from the local press service: “The leadership of the social block of the Russian government stands for a consistent increase in opportunities for the adoption of children and the reduction of possible barriers and obstacles.” According to the government, the Ministry of Health also discussed the possibility of adoption for HIV-positive parents, “however, in the end, specialists from the Ministry of Health came to the conclusion that at present it is impossible to guarantee complete safety for the child.” “We respect the position and competence of doctors, but we are also ready to consider the appeals of parents and other interested citizens and public organizations,” the letter says at the end. Aleksey Levchenko, the press secretary of Deputy Prime Minister Olga Golodets, advises sending appeals to the Council under the Government for Guardianship in the Social Sphere.

I think there will be no shortage of requests from parents to change the law. One of the first to write it is a resident of St. Petersburg, thirty-year-old Maria Sukhova ( surname changed), who two months ago took custody of three-year-old Nastya, an HIV-positive inmate of an orphanage from the Sverdlovsk region. Now Masha wants to adopt Nastya: “I want to be a real mother, not a guardian. I want her to have a normal birth certificate, not dashes in the "parents" column. Nastya should have a normal life, she deserved it,” Sukhova cries.

On July 3, the day after the entry into force of the new law, Maria took the documents for adoption to the guardianship authorities of St. Petersburg. Two days later, she received an answer: they were asked to bring additional medical documents for all the people living with her in the same room. The appeal will also be written by Irina Yushmanova, who three years ago took care of her two sisters, carriers of HIV. In the fall, she was going to take a third girl, at the end of June she submitted documents to the guardianship authorities, and on July 6 she was refused: “The inspector went with my case to the adoption committee, she was refused. I was told that they were ordered to all parents of “pluses” to refuse right and left. I will not stop, I will go to court. I don’t think I will win, but the more we apply, the faster our legislators will come to their senses.”

Law is law

Petersburgers Maria and Dmitry Antonov ( surname changed) are sitting in a cafe on Nevsky Prospekt. They are almost identical T-shirts with pictures, blue jeans, sandals. Maria has a round face, blue eyes, curly white hair. Dmitry is shaved almost bald, on the back of his head is a ponytail of grayish hair. He looks like a musician, which he eventually turns out to be.

Dmitry was twenty years old when he moved from rollicking Moscow to St. Petersburg in the late eighties. He met Maria, and later discovered that he had hepatitis C. Dmitry underwent two courses of therapy under the state program and has been officially considered “treated” for many years. Masha has been living with him for twenty years, she is absolutely healthy.

The Antonovs wanted children for a long time, but for the entire time of their life together, Masha gave birth to only one child. And I want a big family. Now the couple go to the local school of adoptive parents and look for candidates for adoption on the websites. True, only Masha sits on the sites. Dima does not want to look at the photos until the last moment: “God gives an ordinary child, so let there be an element of surprise in adoption.”

The desire to adopt a child, according to Masha, “always loomed”, but recently it has become distinct: there are friends who have taken children to raise, they are doing well. The Antonovs themselves go to orphanages for mentally retarded children: they draw cartoons with the pupils and compose music. Dima believes that "Russia now has the same calm attitude towards adoption and guardianship, as in America."

Or rather, he thought so. For a month now, the Antonovs have been in dismay: if earlier Masha could take care of the child for herself, now this path is closed for her: a carrier of hepatitis C, her husband, lives with her. Well, Dima does not believe that the Ministry of Health will ever remove his diagnosis from the list of diseases contraindicated for adoption: “You walk the streets, ask if people want HIV and hepatitis C carriers to adopt children. You will be the first to say: “HIV and hepatitis C are ill drug addicts! Homosexuals! Heaven punished them! That's what they need!"

In case of refusal in the guardianship authorities, the Antonovs intend to go to court. It is not yet clear whether they will be able to achieve a positive decision. According to lawyer Irina Khrunova, who has two such cases in her practice (in 2009, Khrunova won the case of HIV-positive Svetlana Izambaeva in the court of Cheboksary, who claimed custody of her younger brother; in 2012, Khrunova managed to obtain permission to adopt an orphanage child for resident of Petrozavodsk, Ellina K., a carrier of the hepatitis C virus), the new law will greatly complicate the practice. “If a positive family lives in an apartment that was once privatized by a drug addict brother, then you can forget about adoption: adoptive parents are required to provide custody with an extract from the house register, everyone registered will be checked,” she sorts through the options for collisions. “Earlier, the law stipulated that a person suffering from infectious diseases could not be an adoptive parent,” Khrunova explains. - This is a vague wording, it can be interpreted in different ways. We said that the carrier is not a sick person, he is not dangerous to others.” Khrunova recalls that at the trial in the case of Elina K., even the employees of the infectious diseases hospital spoke in her favor, who “proved that the adopted child would not suffer from hepatitis C.” Now it will be more difficult for Khrunova to work, since she will have to prove the safety of not only the adoptive parents themselves, but also those who live with them.

The new Russian law has no foreign analogues. In the USA, Italy, France, Germany, Finland and Israel, HIV and hepatitis C carriers have the full right to adopt a child. And although the actual practice of adoption is different - in Germany, for example, for adoption it is required to prove individual physical health, while in the USA this has been recognized as discriminatory since 1990 - none of the laws could find a clause obliging "persons living together" undergo a medical examination.

Unpopular diagnosis

On the splash screen of Lyuba Mironycheva's computer is a photograph of five-year-old Natasha, an HIV-positive inmate of an orphanage in Yekaterinburg. Forty-year-old Mironycheva, a speech pathologist by profession, sits in her apartment in the residential district of Moscow, Severnoye Chertanovo, and endlessly looks through photographs of children from orphanages.

In Lyuba's house - cleanliness, flowers on the windowsills. She lives alone, somehow her husband was not found, there are no children of her own: it did not work out. For two years now, Lyuba has been sitting on online forums for the adoption of orphans. In June of this year, she began collecting documents for guardianship authorities. She is surrounded by children by occupation, but, of course, she is scared to take a completely strange child into the house, and this is a normal reaction. For some reason, out of the endless number of children's photographs of Luba, only HIV-positive children "fall on the soul", it just so happens. Lyuba and I are sitting at the table, she clicks the mouse on the main page of the site, where photos of HIV-infected orphans are posted: “This girl is very similar to my friend's daughter, you just can't tell it apart. And here is a brother and sister, Philip and Seraphim. They were born to a drug addict mother, their weight at birth was very small, they did not reach a kilogram. Mom refused them at birth, they didn’t see a normal life, it’s a pity. But Maxim - you see how handsome, dark-eyed. Look, he has an “unpopular diagnosis” in the caption for the photo, this is how HIV is delicately referred to.

Lyuba has already decided that she will take a child with HIV to raise her: “I have read dozens of testimonies of people who took “pluses” to their own, sometimes infants. And nothing, everyone is alive and well. Of course, I am not going to tell everyone and everyone about the diagnosis of an adopted child, I do not want to break through the mass dark consciousness with my children. After all, the attitude of people towards such children is not ice at all, no one cares that there are more and more of them ( According to statistics, the annual increase in HIV-infected children is 10 percent per year - approx. "Tapes.ru")».

Lyuba does not count on popular support at all, but does not understand why children with HIV are not supported in the Duma: “At first, these children were hit by Dima Yakovlev’s law, since the Americans actively and fearlessly took them. Then, for some reason, they added unreasonable amendments about diseases. And these children - they are smart, beautiful, they are taken so little. Do you know where they are sent if the foster parents are not there? In correctional orphanages for children with mental retardation. After leaving the orphanage, nothing good awaits such children either, she is convinced: “No one realizes that these children are a big social problem, now they are stuffed behind the walls of orphanages. And then, after all, they go out, begin to live an adult life, and only in time the adopted children were taught to take therapy on time and observe safety measures. Lyuba would like to adopt two “pluses”: her salary allows her, but now the law will not allow it.

Seliger and nesting dolls

During the last rally of pro-Kremlin youth on Lake Seliger, Yulia Senkevich, head of the Vanechka charity project, asked Vladimir Putin about the new law. Here is an excerpt from their dialogue:

Senkevich: There ( in law) it is written that those who live with persons suffering from diseases dangerous to others cannot become adoptive parents. That is, if I have a child, for example, with HIV infection, then I can no longer take such a second child, because he lives in this apartment, in this family. But, as practice shows, such children are taken to those families by those parents who already have children with similar diseases, because they know how to live with them, how to help them and what to do for their socialization and adaptation. But not only can I not take a child with a disease, I, in principle, cannot take any other child into the family. That is why so many families are now concerned about this issue, they are really afraid that those children who are already in this family may be returned to children's institutions. Therefore, we are requesting that consideration be given to amending this article so that this item in the list of diseases does not apply to children, but only to adults in this family. Thank you.

Putin: You and I understand that this article was probably written to protect the interests of children, but I understand what you are talking about. Surely, the legislator simply did not reach these subtleties, did not think of it. I need to think about it, maybe edit it. Thanks a lot.

We are discussing this conversation with Veronika Klimova ( surname changed) at her dacha in Kavgolovo near St. Petersburg. It is difficult for Klimova to talk, because her two adopted daughters constantly hug her neck - five-year-old Galya and six-year-old Valya. Two years ago, she took them from the hospital for HIV-infected people in Ust-Izhora. A year and a half later, a third, six-month-old Yulia, was added to the two girls. Veronica calls the older girls “matryoshkas”, and for some reason the younger one is Juliet. Juliet sits in her arms.

All three girls are under Klimova's care; Veronica has a great relationship with her grandmother Galya and great-grandmother Valya, but there are difficulties with Yulia's mother. “As a guardian, I am required by law to sue the parents of my wards in order to demand child support from them. Yulia's mother does not want this: she lives in a small town, she has her own apartment, but she hides the presence of a child from everyone. Yes, she left her in the maternity hospital, yes, her mother has HIV, but she firmly stated that as soon as alimony was assigned to her by the court, she would immediately take the child from me, since all the inhabitants of her hometown would know everything about her.

Now Yulia is eleven months old, and her own mother will gladly take her away, and here's why: it is known that the diagnosis of HIV is confirmed in children by about a year and a half. Yulia, who was born to an HIV-infected mother, has already had two negative tests for PCR (polymerase chain reaction, which makes it possible to determine the presence of HIV DNA). And this means that the human immunodeficiency virus was not transmitted to her from her mother. Now Veronika has no other choice but to adopt Yulia herself: after all, she took the child six months ago when no one needed him. Veronica got up to her at night, took her to the doctors and turned her from a skinny baby with her own hands into a healthy plump child with dimples on her cheeks and bandages on her legs. Veronika has little hope that Putin will quickly figure everything out: “From parents like me, they are waiting for judicial practice - appealing against a refusal to adopt, first in the district court, then in the city court, then in the Supreme Court. The problem is that if this provision remains in the law, we won’t get to court at all: guardianship with such medical reports will simply not allow us to go to court.”

Abnormal people and normal life

Eight-year-old Dasha was taken from an orphanage in Lomonosov four years ago. Dasha rides a bicycle, her knees are peeled, she is tanned, thin, and very lively. She no longer has her own mother: she took drugs, and then she was killed. Her adoptive mother, Anya, once worked as a teacher, and now sits with her children, relatives - Stas, Sveta, Philip and Tonya - and Dasha. Adoptive dad Dasha works at St. Petersburg State University.

Once upon a time, in a past life, Anya and Igor came to the Lomonosov Orphanage to clean up rotten leaves and old branches on the site. When they left, Dasha was standing at the gate, and the teacher said that no one would take her away, because Dasha had HIV.

Life in the orphanage was bad for Dasha: in her group there was a mentally retarded girl, big and strong, with whom even adults could not cope: she threw the children on the floor, beat them and bit them. Dasha kept waiting for her to be adopted, sat on the couch, swayed from side to side, and shouted: “When will mom come?” She called Anya Mom - because in the orphanage all kind women are called that.

Anya could not forget Dasha in any way, and a few months after they first met, she began to take her to her place - for the weekend. Dasha sat in her arms all the time and did not want to get off them: she then weighed 12 kilograms, height - 92 centimeters, the norm of a two-year-old child.

And then Dasha was taken into the family, and she received the full right to call Anya mom, already officially. It was sometimes very difficult for my mother, it seemed that the familiar world was collapsing: her own children could hardly endure the presence of a strange girl, and a strange girl vomited in the bathroom for a month from antiretroviral therapy, which her adoptive parents began to give her.

Then everything somehow got better, Dasha got used to the medicines and the first family in her life, Anya thinks that the normal world should be like this: so that there are both her own children and foster children, there will be enough strength for everyone.

Recently, they went to Turkey with the whole family, in the hotel Dasha saw a buffet for the first time in her life, and at breakfast she stood next to him with an empty plate in her hands and her mouth wide open in surprise: so much food, everything is so delicious. Usual life.

Two years ago, Ekaterina adopted two children from an orphanage: a five-year-old HIV-positive boy and his four-year-old sister. The woman told us how she decided to take this step, why she does not talk about the status of her son even to her closest ones, and how they help infected people in St. Petersburg.

At the School of Adoptive Parents (SPS), we analyzed the typical stories of orphans. Often these are the children of migrant workers (they leave them when they return home). They are usually healthier, since their parents come to earn money, and not to drink or inject. There are also "local" children - almost always they are from dysfunctional families (otherwise, even if something happened to their parents, relatives and friends would help). Often they have health features - malformations, which prompted them to abandon them. After all, even in maternity hospitals, they offer to leave children, for example, with Down syndrome and other serious diseases. There are practically no completely healthy babies in the orphanage. If the problems are not physical, then psychological.

As soon as we can put everything on the shelves, we begin to see not a horror story, but a specific situation in which we can somehow act.

I chose my son and daughter from the very beginning, wrote to the guardianship authorities, but they answered me that in a couple of months their birth mother would be released from prison, and adoption without her abandoning the children was impossible. On New Year's Eve, I received all the necessary documents in order to become a foster parent and began searching. I called, wrote, once even went to meet the child. All children had their own characteristics: someone had alalia, someone had developmental delays. I internally felt that they were not mine, and a month later I decided to check whether the mother had taken those children. Turns out they are still in the database. In custody, they realized that I was serious and informed about the status of the elder. I suspected something like that, it was strange that they were not taken away: they are small, cute. Of course, the short term of the mother's imprisonment could play a role, but there should have been an additional nuance.

We regularly go to the doctor to be observed to monitor the viral load and the effect of drugs. The body is complex, at some point it may stop responding to treatment, and then the therapy must be adjusted or completely changed. We need to follow the diet, but the doctor only advises us not to abuse chips and cola, f the same is said to healthy children, there is nothing extraordinary in this.

I was not going to tell anyone about the status of the child: neither my parents, nor the nanny. But still, it is difficult for one person to follow the regular intake of pills - it is impossible to stay at work, go on a business trip. And the more seriously you take it, the more mistakes you make. A couple of weeks after I brought the kids, I had to tell the nanny. I forgot to give the pill to my son, called her, explained where they were, and in the evening discussed the situation with the diagnosis. The nanny could leave, but there were no options: the child's health was at stake. Fortunately for me, she has a biological education, she knows what HIV is and is not afraid. For me it was an unexpected surprise.

He was taught that he could poison everyone around with his blood.

The older the son gets, the more I'm afraid that one day he will let it out in the heat of the moment about the disease. Of course, we are discussing this at home and will soon go to a psychologist - the age has come. We have postponed the conversation about the status for the time being, this issue should be decided by him when he grows up, and not by me. Only an adult has the right to disclose such information about himself, not his parents.

On the other hand, until we start talking about HIV, the disease will be stigmatized. That is why I am talking to you now. But I can’t endanger my son - I don’t know how the mothers of his classmates will react.

My daughter told me: “Mom, how good it is that you tell us everything and show us, no one has done this before”

I myself have recently been dominated by stereotypes. For example, when a child had a nosebleed, I tried to be more careful with it, although I had read a lot of information by that time.